#246| Stop Using Busy As A Buffer (Here's How): Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Are you staying busy because you’re productive… or because you’re avoiding something deeper?

For many working women, constant busyness feels like responsibility—but it can quietly become a way to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. When every moment is filled, there’s no space to process what’s really going on, which can lead to burnout, disconnection, and feeling stuck despite doing “all the right things.”

After listening, you will:

•  Understand what a “buffer” is and how busyness can secretly function as one 
•  Recognize the hidden patterns keeping you in constant motion and mental overwhelm 
•  Learn how slowing down can help you reconnect with yourself and feel true calm again 

Press play to uncover what your busyness might be hiding—and how to finally feel lighter, calmer, and more in control.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it. 

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Transcript

Michelle Gauthier 0:00

The thoughts that you're trying to avoid never go away. They just wait. You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life. Hi, friend. Thanks for joining today. On this Quick Thursday episode, you are going to learn what a buffer is and the sneaky ways that it can show up, why high achievers use busy as a buffer, probably without even realizing it. And what happens over time when you keep avoiding what's actually underneath the busyness. Let's jump right

What's A Buffer?

Michelle Gauthier 0:56

in. What is a buffer? A buffer is anything that you use to avoid feeling something. Sometimes it looks like a bad habit, and sometimes it looks like you have your life really together. But some common buffers might be scrolling on your phone, drinking, pouring that glass of wine at the end of the day, or two glasses or a bottle, eating when you're not hungry, online shopping or spending money in some way, over-exercising, cleaning or organizing everything, or just watching TV to zone

Using Busyness As A Buffer

Michelle Gauthier 1:27

out. And one of the most overlooked but most common ones is staying busy. Sometimes I'll ask my clients when they are using any of these buffers, but especially being busy as a buffer. I'll say, what are you afraid of if you don't have anything to do, if you aren't busy? And they're like, being alone with my own thoughts. And that's really what buffers are often used for. Whether it's scrolling on your phone or zoning out to the TV or making yourself extremely busy at all times, it's usually about just avoiding the thoughts in your own head. And staying busy is an easy one because it's pretty easy to stay busy. And being busy looks productive and it kind of looks responsible and you might even get praised for it. But it can serve the exact same purpose as any other buffer to keep you from feeling what's actually going on underneath.

Why High Achievers Stay Busy

Michelle Gauthier 2:16

So why do people use busy as a buffer? Myself included, I definitely used to do that. First of all, most of the time we don't even realize that we're doing it and that we're using it as a buffer. The point of this episode today is for you to think about if you're doing this. Because when you're busy, you don't have to think about anything you're worried about. You don't have to sit with uncertainty. You don't have to feel disappointment or guilt or sadness or regret. And when you use this buffer all the time, it becomes very familiar. And you know our brain loves familiar patterns. Familiar patterns that we default back to are not necessarily good for us, but we know what they feel like. They feel familiar, they feel like home. So you know how to be busy, you know how to get things done. You've probably been praised for your whole life for getting a lot of things done. You know how to push through. So even if it's exhausting, your brain is like, yep, this is what we do. Where slowing down, on the other hand, feels unfamiliar and even a little bit scary when it comes to what am I going to find in my brain if I actually slow down.

The Long-Term Cost Of Avoidance

Michelle Gauthier 3:18

And here's what happens when busy becomes a buffer and you just keep going. The problem with buffering isn't the behavior. For example, you can drink without drinking being a buffer. You can obviously eat without food being a buffer. You can exercise, shopping, all those things I listed are part of daily life. So you can use all of those things and they aren't necessarily a buffer. But when you're using them as a buffer, the feeling and the thoughts that you're trying to avoid never go away. They just wait. So when you use busy to avoid something, the thought is still there, the emotion is still there. And over time, when you continue to buffer like this, you lose touch with what you're actually feeling or even what you want, and rest starts to feel uncomfortable instead of restorative. So you might have experienced this where you lie down and you're like, I can't just lay here. This just is not gonna work for me. The same problems keep showing up because they're never addressed. And eventually your body or your life will just force you to slow down. You will end up being burned out, exhausted, and that feeling of why does everything feel so heavy? A lot of times when clients are in this position, they tell me I just feel so stuck. I feel like a grayed-out version of myself. And that's the result that we get when you just continue to be busy, busy, busy and avoid those feelings and those thoughts. So, in summary, busy isn't always the problem. Sometimes it's the strategy or the reason for the busyness, a way for you to stay in motion so you don't have to sit with what's actually going on and address the real thing at hand. And the cost of that is that nothing ever really gets resolved, or eventually it gets resolved in the form of burnout or getting sick or something like that. So if this resonated with you and you're starting to see how this might be showing up in your life, if you're thinking right now, yeah, that sounds a lot like me. This is exactly the kind of work that we do in one-on-one coaching. We slow things down just enough to actually understand what's going on underneath so you don't have to keep buffering your way through life. I currently have one spot open for one-on-one coaching. And if this message is talking to you today, I would love to talk with you. You can find the link in the show notes to book a call and we'll see if we're a great fit. Okay, have a great week. I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com. See you next week.