#250| Stop Saying Yes on Autopilot (Here's How): Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

Do you ever say “yes” to requests before you’ve even had time to think about whether you actually want to?

Many overwhelmed, high-achieving women have been conditioned to believe that being agreeable keeps them safe, successful, and liked. But constantly saying yes can quietly lead to resentment, exhaustion, and feeling disconnected from your own needs. In this episode, Michelle unpacks the hidden “fawning” response behind people pleasing and explains why learning to pause before responding can completely change the way you set boundaries.

In this episode, you will:

•  Discover why your brain may treat saying “yes” as the safest possible response 
•  Learn how people pleasing is connected to worthiness, boundaries, and self-advocacy 
•  Get practical tools like the 24-hour pause rule and simple response scripts to stop reacting automatically 

Press play to learn how to stop automatic people pleasing, create healthier boundaries, and finally give yourself permission to consider your own needs too.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it. 

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Transcript

The Reflexive Yes Problem

Michelle Gauthier 0:00

Your brain has been wired over the years, maybe your whole life, to treat yes as the safe answer.

Michelle Gauthier 0:10

You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.

Michelle Gauthier 0:37

Hi, friend. Thanks for joining today. You know that moment when someone asks you for something and your mouth says yes before your brain even had a chance to process it? Before your brain even had a chance to vote? When you listen to today's episode, you'll learn why women like us, overwhelmed, high-achieving women, say yes automatically when put on the spot. The deeper reason that that keeps happening, and it might surprise you what the answer is to that one, and how to build in that pause so that you can actually choose instead of automatically saying yes.

Fight Flight Freeze And Fawn

Michelle Gauthier 1:09

Let's start first by naming what's actually happening when you get put on the spot. You've heard of fight or flight, I'm sure. Where your brain feels like it's backed into a corner. Either you run away or you fight. And there are actually two more in that category, and one is freeze, where you do nothing, and one is fawn, which is essentially people pleasing. You say yes as an effort to keep yourself safe. It doesn't mean you're weak or you don't know what you want. It's just that your brain has been wired over the years, maybe your whole life, to treat yes as the safe answer. So if you think about fawning from a very young age, saying yes was rewarded, being agreeable was rewarded, and people liked you, what made things go smoothly. And saying no, on the other hand, probably created discomfort or awkwardness or disappointment or conflict. So over time your brain learned that saying yes is safety and saying no is discomfort. And it's probably been running that program and on autopilot ever since. I'm sure you've done this yourself. I definitely have, but it could look like somebody who always volunteers to take on the extra project before she's even thought about whether she has the capacity or someone who agrees to cover a colleague's work while they're on vacation and feels vaguely resentful the entire time, even though technically she said yes. If that sounds familiar, the only thing to do here is recognize that it isn't a conscious choice that you're making. It's a reflex for you to fawn, aka be agreeable so that you don't have the chance to think, do I actually want to do this?

Boundaries Start With Worthiness

Michelle Gauthier 2:41

So let's go one level deeper and think about why this is happening. I just recently read something. My sister-in-law sent it to me, and I thought it was so good. It kind of stopped me in my tracks. And it said, Many of us struggle to create boundaries because we do not feel worthy of comfort. It went on to say that we have to believe that we are deserving of consideration in order to advocate for it. That's what's happening for so many high-achieving women. It's not just that saying yes has always been rewarded. It's that on some level, she doesn't believe that her needs even belong in the room. She hasn't given herself permission to take up that space. And so here's what that can look like. One of my clients said, I feel guilty even thinking about saying no, like I don't have the right. And she wasn't being dramatic. She genuinely believed that other people's needs outweighed her own in all cases, almost by default. And if you think about it, most women have no problem advocating for their team at work or their kids. They'll go to bat for them without hesitation, but completely fall apart when they feel like they have to stick up for themselves. So I think there's probably a deeper pattern at play here. And until you start to believe that your comfort and your time and your needs belong in the room too, the fawn will keep winning.

The Pause That Changes Everything

Michelle Gauthier 3:55

So here's the reframe I want you to take away from this discussion today. If you are fawning, as it's called, when someone is asking you a question and you feel like you automatically have to say yes to keep yourself safe. Don't think of it necessarily as a problem. Just think of it as a signal. The split second before that yes comes out is where you have the opportunity to pause and ask yourself if you actually want to do this or not. That split second of hesitation before the yes comes out could be your body already knowing the answer is no before your brain has even caught up. So treat that as information and see if you can build in that

Simple Scripts And The 24-Hour Rule

Michelle Gauthier 4:32

pause. I had a client who started noticing this fawning behavior as a cue to herself, like a clue of what was going on. And she started just saying, Let me check my calendar and get back to you. And for the first time, she felt like she was actually choosing instead of just reacting. And it felt like she finally had a second to breathe before answering. You might also have a physical signal. So for example, if your stomach drops when someone asks you for something, it might be your body's way of telling you that the answer is no. So see if there's a physical something that's happening in that moment. I've also challenged clients to practice pausing for 24 hours before responding to any non-urgent requests. And when that happens, people usually say yes far less. And not a single relationship falls apart

Recap Plus Free Quiz

Michelle Gauthier 5:18

from that. So here's what we covered today. That automatic yes you're saying isn't a character flaw. It's just a pattern your brain learned, fawning pattern, because it probably always felt safer to say yes. The deeper reason for that is maybe that you haven't embraced that your own needs even belong in the room and that it's okay to say no sometimes. Your comfort matters. You're deserving of consideration too. And that the moment right before you say yes could actually be a signal and it's a sign for you to pause, possibly by yourself some time, and think about what you really want to do. Don't forget, friend, you're allowed to take up space and your needs belong in every room you enter. If today's episode resonated with you and you want to understand more about what's driving your overwhelm, whether it's people pleasing, boundaries, time management, or something else entirely, take my free overwhelm quiz. It's on the homepage of my website, and we'll also link it in the show notes. It takes like two minutes and it gives you personalized tips to start feeling better right away. Have a great week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com. See you next week.