#256| Shift Frustration Into Peace By Reframing Your Thoughts (Here's How): Overwhelm, Productivity, Time Management & People Pleasing

What if the frustration you’re feeling right now isn’t actually being caused by the situation itself—but by the story your mind created about it?

In this episode, Michelle shares a powerful real-life coaching story about a mom struggling with resentment when her college-aged son comes home and completely disconnects from the household routine. Through one simple mindset shift, she discovers how changing the meaning behind a situation can instantly soften frustration, reduce overwhelm, and create more peace in her relationships. If you’ve ever felt emotionally drained by someone else’s behavior, this episode will help you see your emotions in a completely different way.

In this episode, you will:

•  Learn the hidden step between circumstances and emotions that most people never notice 
•  Discover a simple 2-step process to quickly reframe frustrating situations in a way that feels genuine and believable 
•  Understand how changing one thought can positively impact your mood, your relationships, and the energy of your entire home 

Press play to learn how one small shift in perspective can completely change the way you feel—and improve every interaction that follows.

Wondering why you're overwhelmed? Take my "why am I overwhelmed" quiz to find out the source of your overwhelm, and what to do about it. 

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Life can be overwhelming, but on this podcast, you'll discover practical strategies to overcome overwhelm, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk, manage time effectively, set boundaries, and stay productive in high-stress jobs—all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the Overwhelmed Worki...

Transcript

Michelle Gauthier 0:00

What if you could change a feeling of total resentment to peace or even happiness without the situation changing at all? You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences. And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.

A Real Client Story

Michelle Gauthier 0:40

Hi, friend. Today I'm going to tell you a story about a client that I worked with this week. And I just thought it was such a great example for anyone that I asked her permission to tell it on the podcast, and she obviously said yes. We talk a lot on this podcast about how sometimes the quickest way to solve a problem is just simply to change the way that you are thinking about it. So today, when you listen, you'll discover why your circumstances, the things happening in your life, aren't actually causing the way you feel. And what is a quick way to change resentment or frustration or overwhelm into a much better emotion. And lastly, how that one change has a ripple-down effect on the rest of your life and all of the people around you. Okay, so let's talk about my client. We were on our coaching session for this week and her college son was home and she was so frustrated. She had been waiting and waiting for him to get home. She was so excited that he was there and he was staying up until like two or three in the morning and then sleeping until way past noon and just barely functional during daylight hours. And she was so annoyed, and understandably so. If that was you, you'd probably be annoyed too. Cause she's trying to run a household like she normally does and has a life that operates on a schedule. And here is this grown child just horizontal and asleep. So she came to our session with that frustration sitting right on the surface. And that wasn't the problem that she brought to me for the day that we were going to work through, but we realized that it was permeating everything that she was thinking about. And as we talked about it, something really started to shift. We started looking at the same situation, her son being home and him staying up all night and sleeping all day and how frustrating it is. And we started just poking around and looking at potential other ways that she could see that situation. And what we landed on was this when her son comes home, he can just fully exhale and he feels so comfortable. He can sleep, he can rest, he can let his guard down completely. And the reason he can do that, and the reason he feels safe enough to do that, is because of the home that she built and the warmth that she created, it feels like the safest place in the world to just recover. And once she realized that that also felt true to her, it brought tears to her eyes. And she knows she's not raising a lazy kid and he's not doing it to disrespect her or her home or the rest of the family. It's a completely different way to look at it. And I watched her whole energy shift from resentment and frustration into peace and pride for being a good mom and the frustration softened. And I have no doubt that when she did see her son in the house that evening, that he felt it too, even if neither of them said a word about it.

The Hidden Thought Between Events

Michelle Gauthier 3:21

How did my client go from feeling super frustrated to feeling at peace in a matter of minutes? Here's what actually happened in the session. I want you to see it clearly because it really changes everything. Her son's behavior didn't change. She didn't talk to him about any of it. Not one thing about the situation was different at our end of the conversation than it was at the beginning. He was still sleeping in, that was still true. What changed was the thought in between. Most of us move through life thinking that things happen and then we feel a certain way about them. So my son sleeps all day and I feel resentful about it. The situation causes the feeling, but that's not actually how it works. There's always a step in between those. There's always a thought about the circumstance that is sitting between what happened and how you feel. So if you slow this way down, what you can see is that the situation, the sleeping son, is neutral. Then you have a thought about it. And this is not her thoughts, this is some example. But if the thought is something like, it's so disrespectful that he's sleeping all day, or I can't get anything done when he's asleep all day, that creates the feeling of resentment. Not him sleeping, but what you're thinking about him sleeping. And here's the thing that matters, we almost never question that first thought or even realize that we're having it. Often that thought is unconscious. So it comes quickly and it feels true, and we act on it and suddenly we're resentful before we've even stopped to ask if it's accurate or whether it's the only way to say things or whether it's the most useful version of the story. And it usually isn't. Now, normally when I bring up this concept, especially to a new client, they feel a lot of resistance to this idea because they're afraid that I'm gonna try to make them do some sort of toxic positivity or pretending something doesn't bother you, forcing yourself to feel happy, but that just doesn't work. I could try to force somebody to do that, but it wouldn't work because when you think a thought that feels like a lie, your body knows it's a lie and it won't work. So you can't go from feeling super annoyed to feeling peaceful if you don't believe the thought that makes you feel peaceful. My client didn't decide her son's schedule was fine and that she had no needs. She just found another thought that was also true and more useful. So here's how to do this in two quick steps.

Two Steps To Reframe Fast

Michelle Gauthier 5:30

Number one, you have to find the thought that you originally had. So maybe the thought was he doesn't respect my household. She didn't say this, I'm supposing here. Or he's taking an advantage of me, or he doesn't want to be around me. Get specific about what that thought is and remember your brain is just offering that thought, just offering it as an option. You can't work with a thought that you haven't identified, so find it, maybe even write it down, and then ask yourself two questions. Is this thought actually true? And is there another version that is also true, but less painful? So if my client's original thought was he's disrespecting my home and my schedule, her reframe turned out to be he completely relaxes here because he trusts me. Or I have created a space where he can come home and recover from the exhaustion of doing all of his finals. So we played around with several thoughts until she found one that really felt true. And that thought that worked that felt true let her walk back into her house with warmth instead of resentment. And that had to create warmth instead of resentment.

The Ripple Effect On Everyone

Michelle Gauthier 6:31

The great thing is when you change the thought, it changes your feelings, and then everything downstream changes with it. So I was not in her house, but let's imagine that she saw her son that evening just sitting in the house and she thought, oh good, yay, he's awake. And maybe they had a great conversation with dinner, maybe they hung out a little bit that night before she went to bed. And I hoped her house felt a lot more peaceful. And when they had that peaceful interaction, I bet the rest of the family noticed. And I bet she was able to take that to work with her the next day to the people that she worked with. Changing the way that you feel has a trickle-down effect on everyone else who you come in contact with. So next time something is bothering you, before you try to change the situation, try those two steps. Name the thought and find another true one. See if you can shift your own feelings. It's the easiest way to solve a problem. Before we wrap up today, I want to remind you that if you are feeling overwhelmed and you know that your thoughts are working against you, like replaying conversations or assuming the worst and saying yes when every part of you wants to say no, you are probably feeling overwhelmed. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, I have created just the thing, which is the why am I feeling overwhelmed quiz. It takes less than two minutes and it tells you the root cause of your overwhelm and exactly what your first step should be in solving it. Because you can't think your way out of a pattern that you haven't correctly named, and this quiz will do that for you. The link is in the show notes. Take the quiz today and have a great weekend. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com. See you next week.