I really dislike the word, "family." However, my recent experience with the cast at Alive and Kickin' has given me a glimmer of hope, forcing me to reevaluate my internalized perceptions about the word. Tune in to hear the enlightening journey of me trying to rewire my brain around the concept of 'family'.
I really dislike the word, "family." However, my recent experience with the cast at Alive and Kickin' has given me a glimmer of hope, forcing me to reevaluate my internalized perceptions about the word. Tune in to hear the enlightening journey of me trying to rewire my brain around the concept of 'family'.
*For speaking inquiries or for questions or comments on the podcast, contact Nickie at healandgrowwithnickiepodcast@gmail.com
Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or professional advice.
Nickie is not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast.
This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.
Speaker 1:
We are family. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I got all my sisters with me. Music, welcome to Heal Grow with Nikki. I'm your host, nikki Kraminga Hill. Here we talk about everything Grief, hope, illness, work, family, tragedy, possibilities, fun stuff and not so fun stuff. It's all on the table. Let's take a look at our lives and work to Heal Grow together.
Speaker 1:
I'm so glad you're here, music. Well, hello there. Welcome back to Heal Grow. I missed you last week. Y'all. I was really fried and just didn't record. The last podcast I recorded was all about my ME-CFS and, as you know, if you've listened to that episode yet, it's just really hard for me to gauge my energy on some days, and last week was like nope, not gonna do it. So there was no podcast last week. I'm sure you were all devastated, devastated.
Speaker 1:
Well, as you heard me sing earlier, we Are Family is pretty much one of my favorite songs ever, in the history of ever. It was sung by a sister sledge. And did you know? I did not know that they were actually sisters. I just found out recently sister sledge was actually sisters, so when they were singing about we Are Family, they were singing about themselves.
Speaker 1:
Anyway, this song is back in my life right now. It has been in and out of my life for ages. I sang it when I was performing in theme songs. I've choreographed it at least three or four times throughout my lifetime. I just love this song. I always like to sing along and add the harmonies and the background vocals and I dance around. It's just a really, really fun song to me. And now that it is back in my life, it's really made me start to think about the word family and what that word means to me and how sometimes the word family is really, really triggering to me. So before I get going, if I had to say what the word family means to me, I would say safety, forgiveness, support, comfort, loyalty, mutual respect, welcoming, feeling, appreciated, looking out for each other. And throughout my life I've actually realized that I have come to hate the word family. I hate it for a couple of reasons.
Speaker 1:
Actually, growing up, my family was my mom and my dad and I, and if you've listened to any handful of previous episodes, I just didn't have a great childhood experience with my parents. There was just a lot of fighting and just noise and yelling and it was not a safe place. My family growing up was not a safe place, with some physical and verbal and emotional abuse. Certainly there was not a lot of respect. We did not look out for one another, we didn't forgive each other, we were not supportive of each other. So when I think of my childhood family no, no, thanks, skip and also growing up, there was another family that I was a part of. Let's just put it that way I was a part of another family, but I also did not feel safe in that home. It was a lot of yelling, a lot of miscommunication, a lot of people just kind of talking but not really listening to one another. So I was always envious of other people's families and obviously, you know, as an adult now I realized that any family at all is dysfunctional and that these families that I envied as a child also had their issues. I'm certain of it. But when I was a kid I really, really wished that I was a part of any other family or that we were in touch with my mom's side of the family or my dad's side of the family, because we weren't really and I just really wanted something else.
Speaker 1:
I guess I've also been in a couple of workspaces that try to say things like oh, we're family here. And whenever I'm in a space like that and someone says that we're family here, it's like be-boo, be-boo, be-boo, be-boo, sound the alarm. Sound the alarm. No, no, no, no, no. I really dislike workspaces in which people say we're like family here. I'm going to read you something really quickly from an article from the Atlantic, and it's entitled the dark side of saying. Work is like a family. When a business is presented as a family, its workers may feel pressure to pledge an unreasonable degree of loyalty to their employer, putting up with long hours, mistreatment and the erosion of work-life boundaries, all in the spirit of harmony and a shared purpose. Ding, ding, ding. I love that. That hits the nail on the head for me.
Speaker 1:
Ivan cast at a couple of theaters that like to use the term family often One company in particular that says it all the time we're gonna take care of you here and we're like a family here. And the part they don't mention is that it's a majorly dysfunctional family, where the term family only works for some of the people, but not all of the people, and it's my opinion that they use the term family in order to take advantage of people. Maybe that's not a conscious decision on their part. But that's absolutely what I've seen, that's been my experience that we're gonna call you our family until we decide that we don't want you to be a part of the family anymore. So you're gonna be a part of the family when we want you to.
Speaker 1:
It's not on my terms or it's not on the actor's terms. It's on the staff's terms and they're in charge of casting. So I suppose that it can be on the staff's terms. They say we'll take care of you, but only to certain people. When they say we'll take care of you, it can mean any number of things we will give you a raise. We will help you pay for your rehab. We will make sure that you get cast in the next show, because I see that you're going through a divorce and you could really use the work. And I'm not saying that companies shouldn't help out with those things if they can, but I do think that companies if you're using the term family for sure should make sure that they're providing those opportunities for everyone. So if you're going to let Bobby into the next show because you know that he really needs the money, then you need to let Brenda into the next show too, because she really needs the money, if that makes any sense at all.
Speaker 1:
Am I just spouting my opinion into a microphone right now? Yes, yes, I am. But the point is that the word family has meant pretty much nothing to me for the past 20 to 30 years. It definitely the term hasn't felt safe. It hasn't felt like somebody's got my back or that I've got somebody else's back. It actually has made me feel a little bit sick to my stomach and, as you know, I have a new-ish job. I've been there for a few months.
Speaker 1:
I work for an organization called Alive and Kickin and they throw the word family around a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, and I have been very taken aback by this term. I have been very skeptical and cautious whenever someone says to me like well, you're part of the family now, because telling me that in the past has meant that has meant nothing. You're part of the family. Oh, okay, that means that means nothing, and I've been trying to rewire my brain around all of this. Luckily, the A&K staff doesn't call each other family, which I think is good. I think there needs to be a boundary there. But I've noticed that the cast calls each other family, or they'll call me family and I've really had to wrestle with this and lately I've really been softening towards it and in fact have started to realize that wait a second, wait a diggity-dang darn minute. Their version of family is what my version of family always has been.
Speaker 1:
I just didn't have that this group of people. They're safe. A couple of them are pretty gossipy, but they're safe. I can tell them if I needed to. I could tell them anything at all and they would have my back. I feel like they respect me and I absolutely respect them. I feel welcomed there, I feel appreciated, I feel like they've got my back and I've got theirs and that we are looking out for one another and that we are working in a very forgiving environment.
Speaker 1:
And I don't know that I've ever felt like that before at home or at work. I've never felt like we all want each other to succeed. I definitely have not felt like that in the theater. It's not that people in the theater want anything bad to happen to you, but we're always trying to land the next job because we have to. That's just the way that the business is is you're constantly auditioning, slash, going in for a job interview, if you'd rather look at it that way. It gets kind of cut throughout because we have to look out for ourselves, because if we don't look out for ourselves we're gonna be totally screwed when we don't get cast.
Speaker 1:
But at a live and kick in I'm like, oh, this is what this word means, what I've wanted it to mean. It actually means now, the only other place I've ever felt like that is with Paul. It's just Paul and I and now Snowball. But we are a tiny little happy family. Lately I'm so happy about this word family because of a live and kick in that I walked on the steps most mornings and I say good morning, family. And it just feels so great to use that word and to not be afraid of the word family and to not feel sick to my stomach when someone says it to me, because I feel like I belong somewhere and I feel like something belongs to me too.
Speaker 1:
And I just wanted to share that story because I've been thinking of the word a lot because of the song. But I had to do a lot of work and thoughtfulness and mindfulness around this word because I was really letting it trip me up. I was really letting it trigger me and I had reason to. I don't fault myself for that at all, but I just shared as an example of hmm, maybe I am healing and growing from this word and from my past and maybe there's a word that's really been triggering to you and maybe it's time to reframe it. And you know, if it's not time to reframe it, don't reframe it. You know this shouldn't be a forced thing, but if you have some time this week, maybe just think about what is a word or a situation that has really been bothering me for years, and do I have new information now? Am I able to just think about this a little bit differently and maybe some healing can take place? So I just encourage you to think about that and maybe my story will inspire you just a little bit.
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much for listening today. This was a short one. You're welcome. I have a couple of interviews scheduled in the future. You know those will be long, but that's okay. We don't want to cut off stuff like that. If you are interested in buying me a coffee this week, I would really appreciate it. I will leave the link down in the show notes and, as always, thank you for healing and growing with me this week, mwah. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, health or professional advice. I am not responsible for any losses, damages or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.