When Sam Monk walked into my life during a theatre program, little did I know that we'd be here today, celebrating his engagement to Derek! Sam's path from educator to a passionate photographer and now a devoted fiancé is a story that resonates with the courage and authenticity we all aspire to embody.
Additionally, we acknowledge the cornerstone of any significant life shift: support. The LGBTQ community's journey is underscored by the strength of solidarity, and the concept of 'chosen family' emerges as a beacon of hope for many. To those listening, remember you're not alone, and there's a world of resources and compassionate ears, like the Trevor Project, ready to support you.
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Website: https://nickiekrommingahill.com/
*Purchase Nickie's book on Amazon! "Things I'm Thinking About; a Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of Her Mom"
https://www.amazon.com/Things-Im-Thinking-About-daughters-ebook/dp/B083Z1PWKP?ref_=ast_author_mpb
Join my mailing list here: http://eepurl.com/g5hikj
*For speaking inquiries or for questions or comments on the podcast, contact Nickie at healandgrowwithnickiepodcast@gmail.com
Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or professional advice.
Nickie is not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast.
This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.
When Sam Monk walked into my life during a theatre program, little did I know that we'd be here today, celebrating his engagement to Derek! Sam's path from educator to a passionate photographer and now a devoted fiancé is a story that resonates with the courage and authenticity we all aspire to embody.
Additionally, we acknowledge the cornerstone of any significant life shift: support. The LGBTQ community's journey is underscored by the strength of solidarity, and the concept of 'chosen family' emerges as a beacon of hope for many. To those listening, remember you're not alone, and there's a world of resources and compassionate ears, like the Trevor Project, ready to support you.
Buy Me A Coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/nickiekh
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healandgrowwithnickie/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healandgrowwithnickie/
Website: https://nickiekrommingahill.com/
*Purchase Nickie's book on Amazon! "Things I'm Thinking About; a Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of Her Mom"
https://www.amazon.com/Things-Im-Thinking-About-daughters-ebook/dp/B083Z1PWKP?ref_=ast_author_mpb
Join my mailing list here: http://eepurl.com/g5hikj
*For speaking inquiries or for questions or comments on the podcast, contact Nickie at healandgrowwithnickiepodcast@gmail.com
Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or professional advice.
Nickie is not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast.
This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.
Sam Monk graduated from Roseville Area High School in 2018 and went on to study early childhood education at St Paul College. After two years at St Paul, sam then went on to two different universities where he studied elementary education and graphic design. He then took a break to teach preschool at a Montessori school in Woodbury. After working as a preschool teacher for over two years, sam recently decided to return to school to study marketing and nonprofit management at Southern New Hampshire University. He now works part-time as a marketing and operations assistant for a small jewelry company called Jensen Natural Jewelry and as a human resources assistant for Wingspan Life Resources, a human services nonprofit based in St Paul. Sam is also the secretary of a nonprofit organization, the Little Canada Recreation Association, which helps support recreational programs for youth in the Twin Cities. When he's not working or studying, sam enjoys traveling, spending time with his family and friends and taking photos for his company, monk Photography.
Speaker 1:Recently, sam got engaged to his boyfriend of four years, derek. They live together in St Paul with their two cats, griffin and Cheddar. Yay, it's so cute. Griffin and Cheddar, welcome to Heal Grow with Nikki. I'm your host, nikki Kraminga-Hill. Here we talk about everything Grief, hope, illness, work, family, tragedy, possibilities, fun stuff and not so fun stuff. It's all on the table. Let's take a look at our lives and work to Heal, grow together. I'm so glad you're here, hey, everybody, welcome back. I'm so excited to introduce you to my friends, sam Monk. Say hi, sam.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody.
Speaker 1:Yay, you're in my house, you're sitting across from me. We realized we haven't seen each other since probably pre-pandemic which is about four years now, wow, okay, let's tell the people how we know one another. You're probably all hearing Snowball whine in the back.
Speaker 2:She's the special guest every week.
Speaker 1:Okay, sam and I met. I think you were in 7th grade.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was 7th grade, so that would have been like 2012, 2013?.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I was. I think it was my first year teaching middle school, but we met through a theater program.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I was hired with Ashlyn Productions. Shout out to Ashlyn and Maplewood. I was hired with another teaching artist to come into the school. What school were you at again?
Speaker 2:St John's and Little Canada, little Canada, yep.
Speaker 1:And we would come in and we had this show that we were putting on. So we were teaching the acting, we were teaching the singing and dancing, the everything. And then we had a weekend where we would go in to Ashlyn and all perform.
Speaker 2:Yes, and. I think you did that for two years, right? Yeah, I did. I did. You're 7th and 8th grade? Yes.
Speaker 1:And through that became friends with your mom Right who was volunteering. Yeah, we were all. We started at like seven o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it was so early.
Speaker 1:It was so early to be singing and dancing and playing like improv games, but it was so fun and then we did it the second year, yeah, and then we just have been in touch. Yeah yeah, like sometimes I hang out with your mom, sometimes I hang out with you have come to see me in shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah and when we were doing Events with the spread sunshine game.
Speaker 1:Yeah, come we've just sort of been in touch this whole time. Yeah, which I'm not realizing is, I think, 10, I think it's 10 years, I think I, I think I met you 10 years ago.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that makes me feel way too old shut up. To think that I was, that was 10 10 year?
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure that it was yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow. So every once in a while this happens, I love it, like someone that I teach Becomes a friend. Yeah, so I just love that, that like we've become friends. Yeah keep in touch throughout the years you just got engaged. Yes, yes that's so exciting.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm very excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so how long have you known, derek?
Speaker 2:We have been together for four years, I proposed on our four-year anniversary anniversary. Oh, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:I remember um you posted on instagram or something and I was like wait a second. I think that this is like a proposal announcement. Yeah it's so awesome.
Speaker 2:So congratulations to you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like are you. Are you doing any wedding planning or?
Speaker 2:Kind of we'll probably do something later on next year, but nothing too big. Yeah just trying to keep it low-key, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, all that matters is that you, you know, you're, you're married.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right that we end up married. Yeah right, so it doesn't really matter how it happens. Um.
Speaker 1:So see, I'm agreed to come on today to tell us his coming out story, which I just Think is awesome. Thank you so much for For sharing this story with us Um yeah, where do you want to start?
Speaker 2:I'm okay. Um, yeah, so I'll. I'll start where I mean I kind of Was not forced, but kind of I kind of forced myself to come out. Okay, Um, it was kind of a unique situation I was. I went to go pick up one of my friends from a party and when I got there she was like come on inside. And I went inside and I met one of her friends and I started talking to him and I didn't think anything of it and later that night she was like hey, he wants your number. And I'm like what?
Speaker 2:And she's like no, like he just wants like texting and Whatever, and I was like, okay, and so we started texting and then it kind of progressed and I was like, oh, I think this is like like I had known at that time that I was gay, but I didn't like hadn't fully Like had the realization out in the world and I hadn't told anybody, obviously. Um, and so I started talking to him and he asked if I wanted to go out on a date. And then I had to tell my friend. I was like, hey, just so you know, I am going on a date with him. And and then I started slowly telling my other friends and Everyone was just so supportive like all of my friends were the best.
Speaker 2:I, yeah, it was. It was amazing telling people, especially the people that were like, okay, and Like yeah, go get a burger.
Speaker 1:Yes and uh how old were you?
Speaker 2:I was 19. Okay, so I had just Graduated, like six months before that, okay, Um and yeah, I Was just kind of figuring things out and I started seeing this guy and that's kind of how I started telling people was just because of him, and it was just kind of like, uh, this is happening now. So now I kind of have to go tell people, because this is real, and if they hear about it from Someone else, I'll feel bad. If they didn't hear about it from me, which, you know, in the end it would have been fine. But and some people did find out without me telling them, but what was that like?
Speaker 1:were you disappointed that that's how it happened.
Speaker 2:Not really. I mean, there were only a handful of people and I just I don't think anybody had any ill intent, which was nice, and I don't think, at the end of the day, anybody was like bashing me or being like, oh my gosh, he came out and he has a boyfriend in any awful way, but, um, yeah, it was okay. And then I had told enough people by the point where I was like I should probably tell my parents and I hadn't really given it much thought as to how or when. Um, but I had just moved out of my parents house two weeks prior to me telling them.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I had been living with them my whole life and I just Moved into the u of m campus with a few friends and I wasn't going there, I was just moving there to Be with people and hang out and whatever. Um, and I moved on to campus and two weeks later my dad had gone out of town. So I was gonna go home and spend the weekend with my mom.
Speaker 2:Okay and it the sunday of that weekend was her birthday. When she came home on saturday night from being out with friends, it was like midnight and we were. She walked in, we sat down, we were talking and she's like so what's new? Like how is it being on campus? And we were just talking about things and she goes have you met anyone yet? Are you seeing anyone?
Speaker 2:I was like yeah, yeah, actually I'm talking to someone. She's like what's talking to someone. I was like it's kind of like dating but and she's like, oh, okay, what's her name? And I was like, uh, his name is. And she was like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy. And she was really happy for me. And then she said, I'm so glad you could finally tell me that you're gay. And I was like, well, actually I'm not gay, okay. And so I Originally, at the time I came out as bi, because it was just what I was comfortable with I felt that all along I had had feelings towards girls, and more of just like Now looking back, I was just that I was close with them and I was so close with so many girls in high school yeah and I still, to this day, all of them.
Speaker 2:I'm still best friends with all the girls that I was friends with in high school, um did you date any girls? I went out on a few dates with girls, but nothing ever like long term.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah it, nothing ever progressed past like a month or two with any girls, um. And so when I told her, she's like oh, oh, um, and she didn't know what to think at first, because she didn't I don't think she had fully wrapped her head around what that meant, or she didn't necessarily understand, and that kind of caused some tension between us for a while, not to Even the fact that I had told her on her birthday, which was not my best decision.
Speaker 2:But it was just kind of I was in the heat of the moment and we were talking about different stuff and I was like I have to get this out right now now is my time like I didn't want to plan some big thing or do anything like that. But yeah, it definitely wasn't my best choice and I would not do it again like that if I had to do it again. But yes, I told her on her birthday and then the next day my dad came home from being out of town and he walked in the door and he could tell that like something was off between my mom and I and he was like what's going?
Speaker 1:on.
Speaker 2:And I was like, well, mom's upset because I told her I'm by and I just flat-out said it. I was like I had a feeling of how he would react and I kind of knew he just is. So he's very even keel.
Speaker 2:He doesn't think like much about stuff like that, no matter what, and he was just like, okay, and he was like, so what's the problem? I was like, and she just kind of mentioned that she just hasn't understood that yet and After a few months of just talking things out and talking things through, we finally just Totally made up and it was just more of like her not understanding what that meant, because she had never Really met anybody in her life that was by or had come out as by or anything like that, and her and I had never talked about it. But Multiple times growing up, especially in high school, she would tell me that it's okay if I'm gay because I was in theater and it wasn't like a.
Speaker 1:So she had a feeling she totally, she totally yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she would tell me all the time like you're gonna make some man really happy one day. And I'm like mom, I'm straight, just like, but yeah it, she totally knew and she was so supportive and she now loves Derek and everything is Amazing.
Speaker 1:So, yes, yeah, I think that I can sort of Resonate with your mom a little bit, because I Definitely I don't know when this was. I don't have a time frame for it, but I I didn't really think anyone was actually by. Right in my experience, yep, the people that said they were by and I realize now that this is inaccurate, but back then the people that told me they were by were actually gay- yeah but thought that it would be more acceptable if they said that they were by yeah.
Speaker 1:So for years and years and years, people would say I'm by and I'm like okay, I think you're gay, yeah, you stuff that I shouldn't even be thinking about right, but it's just the natural, yeah, right. Yeah, and, and now I'm realizing that that was a mistake, now that I I I've been educated a little bit more like there's, there's so much fluidity in everything especially our sexuality. That you know, I was, I was wrong.
Speaker 2:I was wrong.
Speaker 1:It's not just gay or straight, which is absolutely what my mind frame was for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I feel like that was. Not only was that what I was most comfortable with at the time, but I still feel like part of me I'm not like a 100% gay. I don't feel like that's ever for anyone at all you know and I don't feel like anyone is 100% straight.
Speaker 2:I just there's so much to it and, like I said at the time, I was just I felt like okay, if I say I'm by, then people won't judge me. And that was just like one of my biggest things was like because growing up closeted it is so I. I mean you're trying to mask so much of who you are, you are trying to cover up Everything about yourself and so, coming out, I was like okay if I let out just like this one little part of me, like I open the blinds a little bit and like show a little bit of who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah then people won't judge me as much.
Speaker 1:When did you, when did you know you were gay or when did you know you were not straight right, like was there a moment?
Speaker 2:I think right, either at the end of middle school or after middle school, because all of elementary and middle school, I went to a very Christian Catholic High School or Christian Catholic elementary school and it was which is where I'm at you, right and so I just never being there. No one around me was gay. No one around me talked about being gay. It wasn't even. I don't think we were ever even taught like that. It wasn't okay.
Speaker 2:It just wasn't even mentioned, like I never thought about it being a thing, right. And then towards the end of middle school I started realizing that that was more of a thing and I heard from different people and seeing things on TV and social media just came, became more of a thing back then, so I was more exposed to it. And then once I hit high school, I think I definitely started to realize then and it just kind of hit me like a truck and I was like, okay, so this is like, this is like an acceptable thing in the world. And it wasn't. I was just Sheltered in my own little corner of being in the religious sector of this school and I had never Even explored it as an option, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:So then you spent several years just not Talking about it, not sharing it. Yeah, what? What is that like?
Speaker 2:It's it was. It was tough. I mean I it was living day-to-day trying to cover up who you are deep down inside while also Still at that age, not even really knowing who you are deep down inside. I mean, you don't, you don't really know much about yourself. You have a, you have a guess of who you are in high school and you're trying to like fill this identity of what people think you should be and what society thinks you should be and who your friends think you should be, and you're trying to fit in with all these different standards. And it was really tough.
Speaker 2:I was bullied a lot because I presented more, I think more gay than I thought I was presenting. I'll never forget I was in the lunch room in high school and one of my friends from elementary school came up to me and he was like I just heard you're gay, what? And I was like no, no, no, no, no. And it just like it was like my worst nightmare. And he wasn't judging me, he wasn't being rude, I mean he didn't.
Speaker 2:I don't think he thought about what he was doing, but it just it kind of hit me like um, no, no, no, where where'd you hear this? And I just tried to do everything I could to cover up what he had just said out loud in front of my friends and strangers. And I was like what are you talking about? Absolutely not. And every time something like that happened it just pushed me further and further back into the closet and I was just like I cannot. And I don't think there was ever even a thought in my mind until after I graduated about how to come out. I thought that I would either be single forever or I would just single and closeted forever.
Speaker 1:You're just never going to share.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay I just thought, like I was like I'll figure it out. Like I well, I don't know I was just like I can't ever say what I truly feel deep down inside and I don't know if I thought it was more of like a sin or if it was like shameful, but I felt very guilty for feeling the way I felt. Yeah, it was really difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can only imagine, how hard that could be.
Speaker 2:Yes, and then coming out, it just kind of I mean not only coming out, but also coming out and moving out at the same time just was like a switch to flip. I was like whoa, I have this new independence, I am finding out who I am. It was. It felt so freeing, it was a weight off my shoulders, it was amazing and all I wanted to do was just like I wanted to get through the part of telling everybody. Because, as freeing as it is to tell people, it's also so nerve wracking, it's so tough to tell people that you are this way, that they have never known you as, or that they have not even thought of you as your whole life.
Speaker 2:So starting to tell people, especially like in my family, was hard. Telling my grandparents I could not tell them, I was like I don't know. I wanted at the time I thought I want to give them the space. If they want to have a negative reaction, because I didn't know Like I was, like I, they could easily have a negative reaction. I just don't know. So I wanted to give them the space to do that when they immediately found out, instead of having some fake reaction, to just be supportive, and I know they would support me regardless, but I wanted them to feel what they felt and take time to think it through and realize things before they talk to me. So I had my mom go tell her parents and I'm going to interrupt for a second.
Speaker 1:What was that conversation like with your mom? Was it like hey, so can you do your solid mom?
Speaker 2:It was more of like a long term, like it had been a few months before. I was like Okay, so how do we like tell grandma and grandpa? Because shortly after I'd come out to my parents my other grandfather had passed away, so I had already told my other grandma. I think my dad actually told her, but that was very simple, she just was like All right, sounds good yeah.
Speaker 2:And there was nothing to it. And then my other grandparents. I just didn't know, and I have been so close with my mom's mom my entire life, like we just have had a special bond for the longest time I was like I I know she is fairly liberal in the sense of politics and things like that, but I was like At the end of the day, I just don't know, I don't know what her reaction could be and I don't know if I could sit in the room and like watch my heart literally break if she had a negative reaction. And so I was like Mom, could you just like deal with this? And she's like, yeah, I'll do it. And so she.
Speaker 2:I didn't know when she was going to do it or how, but she was over there one day at their house and she told them and they were both had no reaction at all. We're just kind of like sounds good, he's our grandson and we love him. And my mom told me and I was like Okay, that's good, that's good, that's good. And then, like a week later I was at their house and I was helping my grandpa clean something and I knew that he knew and I didn't know what to say and I was like Do I even?
Speaker 1:say anything.
Speaker 2:Like right, I was just like I think I'm just not going to say anything and I was helping him clean something and he had come in and out of the house a few times and then I was done cleaning I think I was cleaning up their RV or something and I was finished and I was just about to leave and I was saying goodbye to him. He's like so I heard that you're, and I was seeing Derek at the time. So he was like and that's how she told them was kind of like so Sam's dating someone and he is seeing this guy, and that was how it came out. And so he said to me he was like so I heard you're seeing someone. And I was like yeah, and I was just a little uncomfortable, I was like I don't know where this is going to go and like this isn't a conversation I've ever had with anyone in my family of this sort. And he was like I think that's great and I want to meet him. Please bring him around.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, and I went to my car and I just started sobbing. I was like, yeah, that is like the biggest weight off. Oh my gosh, it was everything to me to have him react that way, and it just because he's just he's very quiet and very reserved and I just didn't. I figured he'd be fine. But I just never know. But yeah, it was great, yeah.
Speaker 1:Is there anyone that had sort of a negative reaction toward you?
Speaker 2:Um, no one to me directly. My parents had a few friends that they were close with at the time that they had told them and to their faces they were like Okay, that's, that's okay, like yeah, all right. And then since then the things have changed and they have just not really acknowledged it or treated Derek and I differently and it's just definitely not like the same as how they treat other people in our friend group.
Speaker 1:So it's kind of painful.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and it's. It's difficult to see Like I feel guilty in a way, because it's my parents friends and I'm like, well, so I did this I caused. Now they're they're not really close friends at all anymore and I'm like I caused that. And it's been multiple conversations with my mom where it's been like absolutely not like had we known? You know that this is how they'd react to anything like this that you know, um, but yeah it's.
Speaker 2:I just feel a lot of guilt for it. Still every once in a while when we see them and I just I feel guilty that I Caused the tension between them and my parents, but at the end of the day, I Just I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah but you didn't cause that. I mean, I know right you like. Know that in your heart, but like, like your parents have said to you. Yeah this is. This actually has nothing to do with you, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just my situation that had all of this wait, maybe that was the catalyst for it, but yeah, but it could have been anything.
Speaker 1:It could have been anything, and I would have figured out eventually that, oh, maybe this friendship is not compatible and yeah, yeah. So what? What advice would you have for a young person who Is thinking about coming out? I mean, obviously you can't be like here's the here's the timeline that you should use everyone but you know, like a Kids, like you, regardless of, you know maybe, sexual orientation. But yeah someone who is hiding a part of yeah, they are, and he wants to break free of that. What do you have any advice for them?
Speaker 2:Um, take your time. I just think, like at the end of the day, I wish I hadn't had to come out. I'm hoping that eventually there's a world we live in where coming out isn't a thing, but right now it is so like announcing hey right, there's.
Speaker 1:Here's a thing about me. Everybody right that you don't have to yeah.
Speaker 2:I always tell people how funny would it be if Someone that was straight went to their mom and was like so I have to tell you, I am dating a girl.
Speaker 1:I like it, just like right, how strange would that?
Speaker 2:be, and I've seen a few commercials like that on TV before and they're just Hilarious to think about that this coming out like yes, it is. It's an amazing feeling. It's such a special thing, but I'm really hoping that 20, 30 years, whatever down the road, even I hope, wish it was now that we were to a point where a kid at any age never had to say I Am interested in this Gender or I feel that I am a different gender. I wish it was just like I am who I am and this is what's happening. I I think the label of it all.
Speaker 2:People are just so fixated on labels nowadays and I think just taking your time to come out as you please and Tell who you want first, tell who you are most comfortable with, tell the people that you know they're not going to care, regardless Whether you think they will or not, your closest friends probably won't care at all Because no, we're. So it's 2024. People are likely going to have a good reaction, but you know deep in your heart who knows you and who will support you, no matter what right, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hopefully soon. We're not gonna be defaulting to this heteronormative, you know narrative you know, like that's like. That's the yes quote unquote normal. I hate using that right, yeah like yeah, I still catch myself sometimes that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I still catch myself a lot of times with the like the man and a woman in relationship, Like anytime that context comes up, I'll catch myself and be like wait, no, like that isn't how it always has to be and there's so many non-man and woman couples. Like that's just and you hear it all the time in different movies and TV shows of, like your mom and dad, or husband and wife, or, and I'm just like I understand that's what we've been doing for so long.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So it's so hard to switch to a different way of thinking, right? But I'm really hoping it switches at some point because it is tricky to talk about, like I've had different people ask me about my girlfriend, or like I'll meet someone new.
Speaker 1:They'll be like oh hey, what's the yeah right? Like are you dating a girl or someone? Yeah, what's her name or default of that?
Speaker 2:Right, what did you anything about? Girls or? And it's, it is the default, so I'm hoping that it isn't like that for much longer. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's starting to change. Yes, I'm sure it's very, very, very slowly for people who aren't. You know straight cisgender Right. It's not going quickly enough. Right yeah but when I was teaching, you know, things were starting to change too, just with like pronouns and gender identity.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's starting, it's of course not going fast enough. Right especially you yeah, okay, so Okay, this isn't funny, but it's a little bit funny and right, I, while you're recording, perhaps you heard it. I'm actually not gonna edit it out, but you perhaps heard a thud or a crunch and it was a car accident, a pretty bad one, actually on my street. So Sam and I have been outside for the best I don't know 15, 20 minutes Trying to help with that. Wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's crazy we.
Speaker 2:Wow, I haven't seen a car accident in a while. No, and that one is bad. Yes.
Speaker 1:Somebody blew a stop sign and and airbags were deployed and injuries and a little bit of blood, and I mean I'm I don't think it was a life-threatening thing. I don't think so, but but when that happens. It's interesting the thoughts that go through your head right. Yeah, I was Impressed with all of our neighbors like a bunch of people.
Speaker 2:Everyone came out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, but you know it really makes you think about the fragility of life. This girl that we were just talking to, who was in the accident, is engaged, so her fiance came. We ended up sort of talking to her, trying to distract her a little bit. She was who's very upset, understandably. So, yeah, but she's getting married in four months, so we were like Sam's engaged. Paul and I have been married for 11 years. It's, you know, just trying to like make her yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Geez oh my yeah this is probably riveting, do you think? Just riveting? I was talking about a car accident, yeah yeah. So we were sort of wrapping up Wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, do you, do you have anything else that you would?
Speaker 2:like to share my friend. Oh, I want to do you have a Minnesota tattoo on your. You have a picture of that and send it.
Speaker 1:so yes, instagrams. Yes, do you have other tattoos?
Speaker 2:I have another tattoo here of my grandpa's signature.
Speaker 1:I love that I've been thinking about doing that with my mom's.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I love that. Okay, well, thanks for listening to that. Everybody, you're talking about things you can't see, okay.
Speaker 2:Alright, my quote is by Alexander Leon Queer. People don't grow up as ourselves. We grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humiliation and prejudice. The massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves are truly us and which parts We've created to protect ourselves. Yeah, it kind of sums up Growing up in the closet, Really well right. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's really lovely and and and sad. Yeah true and You're right, you know, it just sums up. But or anyone that doesn't feel like they could be themselves, for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, growing up with a different mask on, then who you truly are inside, regardless of what it is in the end, yeah, whether it's your gender or your sexuality, it's tough and it's it's hard to Know how to help someone through that, right, if you don't entirely know what's going on. And it's hard to watch someone go through that as well. Yeah, yeah, yes.
Speaker 1:I really I just can't thank you enough for sharing that and I'm hopeful that Whoever needs to listen to this is Gets to it somehow. Yeah, yeah, you know, you sort of just have to trust the process and that the right people are gonna are gonna meet you today right this way? Yes you know and and feel inspired by your story and feel hopeful that you really had a lot of support.
Speaker 1:Yeah you had a lot of support in that that that this process although I don't know about it personally can be a Positive, yeah, one.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I was so. So I am so fortunate to have so much support in my life Now and then when I came out. I Can't even imagine the people that don't have that support coming out and how Difficult that must be. But it can be a good thing. You can find your chosen family which is a big thing in the LGBTQ community To support you, and you will find those people. Um, yeah, it can be a good thing. I.
Speaker 1:Love that so much. I will put in the show notes for today's episode just some resources in case anyone's just need some help, like the Trevor project, but also we have some really amazing programs here in Minnesota. Yeah, that could just help people if they don't have the kind of support that you have. Right, you know, just like, stick with it, friends, it does, it does get better.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Um big time love to you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad I got to be able to share this on a platform, and I just don't have any other outlet to do that, so this is a great place to do it, so thank you Well, you could come back whenever you want, Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we might go to your house though, because apparently I live in a dangerous, dangerous area. Okay, everybody, that is it for this week. As always, thanks for hanging and going with me. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health of professional advice. I am not responsible for any losses, damages or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.