Heal & Grow with Nickie

43. ADHD and Me

• Nickie Kromminga Hill • Episode 43

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Discovering My ADHD Diagnosis and Journey

Speaker 1

Hey everyone . I was diagnosed with ADHD just a few days ago . Let's talk about that . Welcome to Heal and Grow with Nikki . I'm your host , nikki Kraminga-Hill . Here we talk about everything Grief , hope , illness , work , family , tragedy , possibilities , fun stuff and not so fun stuff . It's all on the table . Let's take a look at our lives and work to heal and grow together . I'm so glad you're here . Hello , beautiful people , before we get going on today's episode , I just wanted to reintroduce myself in case anyone is new here . If you are new , hi welcome . If you're not new , hi welcome .

Speaker 1

This is episode 43 , I think , of the Healing Girl with Nikki podcast , which is absolutely amazing to me . We've been doing this for a little over a year and it's just been a really , really wonderful thing for me and for a lot of other people . So thank you so much for joining on this podcast . We talk about healing and growing . I talk about personal stories or my guests bring their personal stories and we talk about our lives and how we heal and grow from things , or how we sometimes don't heal and grow from things , and it's really just been a remarkable year of podcasting . So thank you so much to those who've been here and thank you . To those of you that are new , a little bit more about me .

Speaker 1

My name is Nikki Kruminga-Hill . I live in Minneapolis . Actually , if you're a Twin Cities person , I live in Richfield , but it's just easier to say Minneapolis . I live in Minneapolis with my husband , paul Hill . We've been married for 11 and a half years . Paul is a percussionist . We met doing a show together . We don't have any human children , but we have snowball pickles , peanuts , almost three . She's an American Staffordshire Terrier and she is deaf , so she has a special need . But that's okay . It's not that challenging to have a deaf dog , actually , but you can . You can hear all about her . I think she was episode number six or seven , if you want to rewind .

Speaker 1

I um , I am a musical theater performer , a musical theater teacher . Right now I work for a senior arts organization . I'm also an author and a speaker and I love to just do a lot , a lot of different things . Podcasting is just one of the things that I love to do . I also talk quite openly about my depression and anxiety , and also I have two diagnosed chronic illnesses fibromyalgia and myalgic encephalomyelitis . You can Google those things or go back in the podcast , because I've talked quite extensively about both .

Speaker 1

And now we're going to talk about ADHD . Earlier this week I received a ADHD-C , which means combined ADHD , combined diagnosis from a gosh neu . And so , yeah , I had mentioned a few weeks ago , oh gosh , I think maybe I have ADHD , and then I kind of didn't say anything anymore . So now I'm going to talk about it and just tell you what my experience has been like so far . Obviously , I'm very , very , very early on this journey and I'm going to learn so much in the next few months , for sure , for sure . But like anything , I will continue learning and growing throughout this process .

Speaker 1

So where to start ? Where to start ? Adhd is not something I ever thought that I had . It's never been in my brain as a possibility for myself as a teacher . I don't know , knowing a couple people , vaguely , who have it , and then you know what you hear about a little bit in mainstream media . So I wasn't ever really wondering if I had ADHD .

Speaker 1

And then two things in the past let's say year have sort of tipped me off or made me wonder hmm , is this something that I should look into ? And the first thing is that I take Adderall for my chronic fatigue syndrome . I really only knew Adderall as something that treated ADHD , but my general practitioner suggested that I try it because Adderall is also used for narcolepsy , to give narcoleptics a little bit of energy . I'm not narcoleptic , but because of the chronic fatigue he thought that maybe adding Adderall to my daily regimen would help and for about a year he suggested that I try it and I said nope , I'm not doing that . All I know about Adderall , really again , is what is in the mainstream media , and I know that people can be addicted to it and I just didn't want to take that risk , especially because I'm newly sober . I just celebrated 500 days sober yesterday , everybody , hooray .

Speaker 1

Anyway , after I wasn't getting any more energy with the medication that I was taking , I decided to go for it and I started taking Adderall . I was on the well I think it's the lowest dosage , five milligrams and within about a half hour of taking that first dose I noticed a slight difference in my energy . I guess I just felt a little more perked up , for lack of better words . I suppose I didn't feel jittery , which I kind of thought I would . I didn't feel , I didn't feel weird , I didn't feel odd , I just felt like , huh , this is interesting . I have slightly more energy than I've had in gosh , years , years probably . I still take Adderall .

Speaker 1

I'm on 15 milligrams right now and once I started , once I popped up to about 10 milligrams , I noticed I have slightly more focus than I've ever had before . I've never wondered if I had problems with focus before , but now , all of a sudden , I could focus slightly better and that was just really interesting to me . I just thought , huh , I know this as a ADHD medication , a stimulant to help people focus a little bit better , and I'm focusing a little bit better . I wonder if those two things are correlated better and I'm focusing a little bit better . I wonder if those two things are correlated . The second thing that made me question , you know , if I should be seen for ADHD , was that I , I'm going to be .

Speaker 1

I want to be careful about how I phrase this because , um , I I want to speak very , very lovingly about , about this person and also not give their identity away at all . But I have a really amazing friendship that I just gosh , I just adore this person and we are together a lot . We're together a lot , we're together a lot . And the more time I spent with them , the more frustrated I got with them because they are . They just have some behaviors that are really , really frustrating to me . They're consistently tardy . They consistently don't do the things that they say they want to do or the things that they don't do the things that they say they want to do , or the things that they don't do the things that they want to do for themselves and they don't do the things that they're supposed to do for me .

Speaker 1

And I am certain that this person has undiagnosed ADHD and I mean like the classic maybe I shouldn't use the word classic , but the , the stereotypical symptoms , the ones that you kind of know about from mainstream media . This person fits the bill , and the fact that they are undiagnosed and the fact that they are not getting help for it is really frustrating for many , many people , myself included , and I've continued to get more and more and more frustrated with this person , which I am afraid is going to become detrimental to our relationship . And one day this was sometime last fall I just sat down and thought about , like why am I so upset with this person ? Why can't I just like let it go and just say , well , yeah , you know , this is this person's journey and they got to live their life the way that they need to . I instead became increasingly more and more angry with this person and I thought about that saying and this isn't the exact saying I'm paraphrasing , but you'll understand what I'm talking about Some sort of saying like the things you dislike in others are the things that you dislike in yourself . And I thought , okay , you know , comparing this person with me , and I thought , well , dang it . I actually am showing , demonstrating a lot of these same behaviors of my friends . The one that I'm so mad at , just frustrated with I'm doing those same things , frustrated with I'm doing those same things At home , for sure , I'm doing those same things . And I thought , gosh , I got to start , I got to

Understanding and Coping With ADHD

Speaker 1

start looking into this for myself .

Speaker 1

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Speaker 1

And I did a bunch of research . I mean , I'm continuing to do a bunch of research , realizing that I don't really know what ADHD is and that it's absolutely not named the correct thing . It should be named something else instead of , like , attention deficit , hyperactivity disorder . It shouldn't be named that . I don't know what it should be named , but I've just been wrong about what it is . So I started talking to some friends . I said , hey , I'm thinking I might have ADHD . Have you ever noticed anything in me ? And the people I talked to all said no , never . And so I asked Paul hey , paul , have you ever noticed anything in me ? And he immediately said yes , I have . I said okay , what are the things that you have seen ? He said , okay , what are the things that you have seen ? And he said well , you are unable to finish projects .

Speaker 1

When it's time to do something , you do five things before , like , for example , when it's time to sit down and eat . I do five things before that , and by the time I sit down to dinner , my dinner is cold . My meal is cold because I didn't come eat when I was supposed to and he named off a bunch of other stuff too , and that's when I was like , oh crap , whatever this is ADHD or not , I am having an impact , not necessarily negative , but definitely not positive . I'm having an impact on my marriage . My behavior is having an impact on my marriage . And that's when I was like , okay , I am going to get tested , I'm just going to do whatever it is that you have to do to go get tested which is easier said than done , my friends .

Speaker 1

I talked to my psychiatrist . I said , hey , I want to get tested . She said why ? What are your symptoms ? I told her . She said , yeah , you should get tested . Go talk to these people . So I called the clinic that she recommends and and they say we have no openings . I said you have no openings , like ever . She's like , yep , you're just going to need to keep calling back . Well , if you've listened to my episode on telephone phobia , you know that I will not be doing that . I will not be . Yeah , you tell them , snowball , I will not be calling this place to see if they have appointments . Sidebar difficulties talking on the telephone can be a sign of ADHD . Okay , so that's not working out . I call , I talk to my general practitioner . Hey , I'd like to be screened for ADHD . Okay , what are some of your symptoms ? I tell him my symptoms . All right , I got a guy , call this guy . So I call that guy yes , we can get you in on August 27th . Keep in mind this was back in February . So I took the appointment . I said great , I'll see you on August 27th , no-transcript . Okay , so the appointments are set and in the meantime I start sort of spiraling .

Speaker 1

Actually , I would say March and April were pretty dark months for me this year , for multiple reasons , I suppose . But because I was learning about ADHD and the more I learned , the more I understood myself , which is good , right . But it also was oh my God , are you kidding me Really ? Like , like all the signs were there . I missed them , my parents missed them , doctors missed them , and and now I , oh God , I got to do the fibro thing , I got to do the chronic fatigue thing , I've got to do the depression thing and the anxiety thing and all the other things , and now I got to manage this ADHD and I I went through a grieving process , a process that probably isn't done yet , just because I have a diagnosis , because I thought you know what I don't want to like , I don't want to deal with this , I'm not going to , I'm not going to deal with it Like , oh my gosh , I didn't understand that these things that I do aren't neurotypical , and I'm not trying to be neurotypical , but I am trying to lead a better life for myself and an easier life for myself , and learning how to cope with some of these symptoms is a way for me to live better .

ADHD Diagnosis Journey

Speaker 1

A few weeks ago , I reached out to a friend who has been diagnosed within the past year or so and I just said , hey , how did you get diagnosed ? Because I am having a very difficult time waiting for August . And I'd like hey , how did you get diagnosed ? Because I am having a very difficult time waiting for August and I'd like to start getting some help now . How ? How did you get diagnosed ? And she said my doctor my doctor , excuse me recommended a online test to me it's called ADHD online , which I had already . I knew about it because I already researched it . She said I took this test and I gave the results to my general practitioner and that's how I started on my meds .

Speaker 1

And I was like okay , okay , and and I had opted out of not taking the ADHD online test prior to this because it's it was expensive , it's like $'s like 170 plus . I didn't know if I should trust an online test and I didn't want to spend that much money and I wasn't sure how accurate it was , and so I decided to not take it . And then this friend had mentioned it and I thought , okay , maybe , maybe . And then I went to my next therapy session and she said you know , while you're waiting for this full assessment in August , what do you think about taking the ADHD online test ? I was like you know , I told her the reasons why not , like why I wasn't going to , and she said okay , I , you know , I understand that , I respect it , I value your opinion and it could be helpful to you for this interim time , before you get your other diagnosis or don't get your other diagnosis , you could take this test , give the results to your psychiatrist , give the results to your general practitioner and say is there anything we can do with this information or what if it says that I don't have ADHD ? Then I could stop thinking about it . So I decided to take the test that night . Um , and I took it that night .

Speaker 1

I got the results the next day . It said that I have major depressive disorder which I'm already being treated for General anxiety . Already being treated for ADHD-C . Adhd-c means that you have both attention deficit and hyperactivity . There's two other kinds of ADHD , just the attention deficit or just the hyperactivity attention deficit or just the hyperactivity , but they just call it all ADHD . So it said yeah . So it said I had ADHD . It also said that I had sensory processing disorder , which I'm not going to go into today other than by saying this makes sense to me and I'm going to see if I can specifically get tested for it . And then I also have auditory processing disorder , and all I'm going to say about that today is I'm going to look into that as well . So it said that I had ADHD , sent the results to my psychiatrist , sent the results to my general practitioner and I'm waiting to meet with them and I'm just going to leave it at that . I meet with one next week and I meet with the other the week after . So I was like , okay , I took these tests , I realized that there might be , you know , some questions about the validity of this test , but for right now I'm just going to live as if and keep researching and keep doing what I can do on my end to learn about myself .

Speaker 1

And then , like four days ago , I got a call at nine 30 in the morning . I don't ever answer my phone , but I saw that it was the doctor's office for my August appointment and I thought , oh , maybe they can get me in a little bit earlier . I should answer this call . So I did and they said can you come here in two and a half hours ? We've had a cancellation . And I said yep . So I went Um three and a half hours , four hours . Maybe I might do a whole nother podcast on what the testing was like . Um , cause , it's , it's very interesting and and it was sort of fun I'm someone who likes , you know , psychological exams . It was , it was very interesting . But , um , he said , if you can wait about 20 minutes , I will look at all of this data and let you know what I think . I will look at all this data and let you know what I think . I said okay .

Speaker 1

So I waited and he brought me back into his office and he said yes , it is , it's my . He didn't say it's my understanding of something . It was nothing generic like that . Like he gave me a positive ADHDC diagnoses , the diagnosis , and said that he is going to do a big old like workup of all the information and he's going to send it to my general practitioner . I also asked him to send it to me because this particular doctor that I saw only does the testing and the diagnosing . He doesn't do any of the management . He suggested that I start seeing an ADHD coach , which is something I would really enjoy doing . It also is not covered by health insurance , so I'm going to have to look into that .

Speaker 1

Yeah , so you know , I got in three and a half months early , which is absolutely incredible . So , dear person who canceled their appointment last week , thank you . You have changed my life for the better , I think , and got me into this doctor appointment . So there you have it . So there you have it . I feel okay about it right now to do with that information , and what I want to do with that information is learn about myself and and keep going and maybe maybe live differently in in really , really great ways .

Speaker 1

Like I'm , I'm excited . I'm excited for what's to come . I'm pre-exhausted for what's to come , just because I'm exhausted all the time anyway . But you know , it's work . Bettering your life is work and I want to better my life and I'm willing to put the work in , and I know that there's so many people out there that also have ADHD and are living really , really well and are living amazing , fulfilling lives and I'm already living an amazing , mostly fulfilling life . So managing this is only going to make my life better it's . You know .

Speaker 1

I know that there's a long road ahead . I know that this isn't a recovery type of situation , but that you know that's already happened with my fibromyalgia and my myalgic encephalomyelitis , like . Those aren't things that I recover from ever . I will never not have fibro . I will never not have ME CFS . I will never not have ADHD , um , those that those are just there are labels that I have and and that's fine . So I will always be managing this Um , but it looks like I've been managing it for at least 20 years somehow and , wow , I'm about to get some coping skills . That sounds freaking fantastic for me . So that is a story of me being diagnosed and how I got to this exact moment .

Speaker 1

I'm sure I'll have plenty to share with you in the future . For those of you that have already been diagnosed , please feel free to send your advice . Please don't give advice unless you're already diagnosed or if you have a child who is diagnosed . I'd love to hear from those who are on the same path . You can send me an email at healandgrowwithnikipodcast at gmailcom . Nikki is spelled N-I-C-K-I-E , and yeah , I look forward to sharing more with you in the future as I learn and as I heal and as I grow . As always , thanks for healing and growing with me today . Bye-bye , hey , everyone

Ways to Support Content Creator

Speaker 1

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Speaker 1

If you enjoy my work and you would like to support me , there are so many ways in which to do so . You could purchase my book things I'm'm Thinking About A Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of Her Mom . It's on Amazon and also linked in the show notes here . You could buy me a coffee Mmm coffee that's also linked in the show notes . Or spending money right now is not something that you're able to do . You could always share your favorite podcast . You could tag me in a post . You could follow me on Instagram or Facebook or LinkedIn . Any of those things help me out quite a bit . Thank you so much for supporting me . This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal , health or professional advice . I am not responsible for any losses , damages or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast . This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice . Thank you .

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Nickie Kromminga Hill

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