Heal & Grow with Nickie
Join your host, Nickie Kromminga Hill, and her guests on a journey of personal stories and insights into healing and growth from past and current trauma. The focus is on fostering true connections through conversations centered around vulnerability and authenticity. The goal is to collectively heal and find opportunities for growth, promoting a sense of togetherness.
Heal & Grow with Nickie
New Year, No Resolutions
In today's episode, I trade resolutions for acceptance and lay out a kinder way for me to move through the year with ADHD and ME/CFS. I share real examples of dropping the mask, keeping what works, and asking for support while staying true to myself.
A real revelation, if you ask me!
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Happy New Year, everybody! Let's go! Hello and welcome to Heal and Grow with Nikki. I'm your host, Nikki Creminga Hill.
SPEAKER_00:Here we explore anything and everything that might support us on the journey to mental wellness. From hope to grief, possibilities to challenges, joy to heartache.
SPEAKER_01:Nothing is off limits. Let's reflect on our lives and discover ways to heal and grow together. I'm so glad you're here with me. Hello, hello, hello. Happy New Year. Happy 2026. I'm just so excited to be here today. I'm so excited to be in a new year. I'm just, I'm feeling really good right now, and so I'm just gonna go with it and I'm not gonna question it. Now, before we get started, I want to let you know that our amazing dog, Snow, is sitting next to me right now. She's in and out of sleep and she is in and out of snoring. And I'm just gonna let her stay here and snore. Let's see, let's see if we can get any audio right now. Yep, don't know if you can hear that. Wow, this makes for excellent listening. Here, listen to my dog snore. Anyway, our dog Snowball is the absolute best. And if you'd like to learn more about her, you could check out episode eight, Snowball Pickles, Peanut. Okay, everybody, so it's the new year. I always get really reflective at the new year and at new seasons and at my birthday. And essentially, I have several times per year that I get really, really reflective. Obviously, the new year is one of them. And as I was reflecting back on 2025 and thinking about 2026 and thinking about making resolutions and goals and things like that, things that I always do, I had this realization, and that is what today's podcast is all about. I had a realization that I have spent the majority of my adult years, the majority of them. So, like probably around 20 years, I have been trying to improve myself, make myself a better person, a better human. I do this through many, many, many self-help books. Self-help podcasts, courses, researching things like mental health and how to improve my mental health and how to get habits to stick and routines to stick, and how do I get more energy and how do I sleep better? And basically just like better, better, better, how to be better. And I decided that I'm not gonna do that this year. So there are no resolutions, there are no goals for 2026. 2026 isn't quote unquote my year, but 2026 is just a year and uh things are going to sort themselves out the way that they need to, the way that I need them to, uh, without me trying to uh improve myself and make myself a better person. And uh this uh sort of realization, revelation that was uh combined with uh the acceptance, I think, the acceptance of my ADHD uh diagnosis. Um I was diagnosed with ADHD in May 2024. I did a whole episode about that. It's episode 44 called ADHD and me. I also have myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is the correct term for chronic fatigue syndrome. I was diagnosed with that in gosh, 2022, 2023. You can listen to that in episode 20 entitled My Journey with MECFS. So with the final, finally like accepting these diagnoses of ADHD and MECFS, all these acronyms I know, the the things that I've been trying to improve, I I am unable to improve because of my diagnoses. And I feel like I just finally accepted that recently. And so trying to get habits to stick isn't gonna work for me because of my ADHD. Trying to get more and more energy isn't gonna work for me because of my ME CFS. Although I will say, last year, 2024, I dedicated to managing my ME CFS, and I feel like it's managed right now, and within that management, I can find pockets of more energy, but I digress. And also, also, just a little disclaimer here, because I am actively looking for work right now. Um, when I'm in a work situation, I am really able to hyper focus and get things done. Um, my ADHD doesn't show up so much in employment, it really shows up at home. It really shows up when I am being a freelance artist. But when I work for someone else and when I am accountable to another person or to a group of people, I can really hone in and hyper focus. So just throwing that out there in case, you know, any employers are listening to this right now. Anyway, I have been trying to be neurotypical all of my life because that is the norm, right? That is what is typical. And I'm not neurotypical. I'm neurodivergent. And so perhaps I did make a resolution this year, I guess. I'm a hypocrite to honor and embrace my neurodivergence. Neurotypical people are really good at certain things like managing their time, prioritizing, task initiation. I am not good at those things, except in a work situation. I'm gonna stop trying to be good at those things and be good at the things that I'm good at. Yes, snowball. She woke up and she's feeling a little barky. Yeah, she's feeling a little fierce and empowered, aren't you? Or perhaps that's anxiety. Anyway, here are some things that I do that I found out are neurodivergent, and I'm gonna stop stopping these things. I'm gonna stop stopping that. You know, I'm gonna start honoring these things. Here's like a little example. I was told, this is several years ago now, and I was told this in a loving, don't change it, Nikki sort of way, but that I'm always singing. My mother-in-law, my niece told me this. Oh, yeah, you're always singing. I didn't realize that. I had no idea. And so even though they said they liked it and they didn't want me to change it, I've been really aware of it. And so when I'm around other people that aren't living in my home, I have been like sort of subduing it. And you know what? I'm stopping that. I'm gonna sing out loud. I'm gonna sing out loud, and you're gonna like it, or you're gonna not like it, or you're gonna be annoyed, or you're not gonna be annoyed. But I'm gonna just sing out loud because you know what? It makes me so happy to sing, and I have a pretty good voice, so haha, deal with it. I lose things constantly. I don't like it about myself, but that's just the way it is. I lose things all the time. I am currently looking for my ear pods, is that what you call them? My ear pods case. No clue where it is. So I charge them in my husband's earphones, iPhones, whatever. I charge them in his case every night until I can find them. I'll find them at some point. Also, I have small piles around the house. Those piles are organized, but that is how I deal with things, is I first put paperwork in a small pile and then I go through it. I've been trying to not do that. I don't like visual clutter in our house. But you know what? That's how I get the stuff done, is when I first sort it and then I go through the piles. So small piles around the house, it is. I need a lot, a lot, a lot of sleep. That is how I've been managing my MECFS. I am talking 10 hours of sleep, if possible. I'm gonna stop feeling guilty about the fact that I have a life where the majority of the time I can sleep in. That's what I need, that's what I'm gonna do. If I need a nap in the middle of the afternoon, I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna stop feeling bad about it. One thing that really helps me live my life is by sharing, sharing, sharing. I did a whole podcast on that, and I could share more about that in a minute, but you can listen to episode two over sharer. That episode really talks about why I get apprehensive to share out loud and publicly. But I'm gonna keep doing that. I'm gonna share. And I don't know what that means. I don't know if that is on social media. I don't know. But I'm gonna stop holding back and just share my experience with people. I'm gonna share my experience about whatever I want to share about. And if people don't like it, that's totally cool. You don't have to listen to me. You don't have to follow me, you don't have to listen to this podcast, whatever. That's who I am. I'm a verbal processor. I'm gonna keep doing it and I'm gonna stop feeling bad about it. I have major time blindness. I didn't realize that at first because I am able to get to appointments and work and things like that on time. However, I over and I underestimate how long things are going to take, and I berate myself about it, and I try to fix it. I'm just gonna stop trying to fix it and I'm just gonna deal with it. I don't really know how yet, but I'm gonna do it. I interrupt all the time. It's super rude. And so that's something that maybe I will try and fix. I interrupt not to try to say something like profound in the moment. I'm just, I'm afraid that if I don't interrupt and say my thing, I'm gonna forget my thing. So I'm gonna stop feeling really badly about it. I can apologize for it. Another thing I do is I take copious and copious notes and I have lists everywhere. That is a way that I process. I've been trying to stop doing that because it adds to the paperwork. But you know what? I'm just I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a note taker. I'm going to have pieces of paper all around the house. It is what it is. I have this thing where I like to plan things. I like to plan out what my day is gonna be tomorrow or what my week's gonna be like or what my year is gonna be like. And then when I after I've planned the day out, I get to the day and I change the plan. I'm gonna just start accepting that. That's a thing that I do. It's a thing that I do. It's like um vacation. I love planning vacations. I like researching vacations. I have, oh, we could do this, this, this, this, this, this, this. We should do this at this time, this, at this time. And then when I'm on the vacation, I'm like, ah, yeah, we can do whatever we want. So like I do stuff like that, but I do it daily. I'm gonna stop feeling bad about it. I'm just gonna keep doing it. I have a lot of energy and a lot of enthusiasm for things. And many times I get looks like, why are you so excited that it's the new year? Why are you so excited that it's, I don't know, Monday, whatever. It doesn't matter. I get questioned a lot on that. And because of the questioning, I assume that, oh, I'm being annoying, and so I'm gonna stop doing that. Nope. I'm just gonna be energetic and enthusiastic about things that I'm energetic and enthusiastic about, and people can question it, and it's okay, and I can answer them and just move forward. I'm gonna stop feeling bad. I am a funny person. I'm a funny person. And I'm just gonna say that out loud. I'm a funny person, and it's something about me that I really, really like, and it may or may not have anything to do with ADHD or masking or whatever. But I'm just gonna embrace the fact that I'm a funny person and I'm an empathetic person. I feel very, very deeply, and when you share your experience with me, good, bad, ugly, meh, medium, I feel it in my body as well. And not everybody likes that. And so I've been trying to subdue it, and I'm just I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm an empathetic, deeply feeling person, and I think it's a great quality of mine, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna mask it any longer. Another thing I do that I get embarrassed about, but I'm just gonna stop being embarrassed about, and this could be ADHD, this could be perimenopause, I don't know, but I say the wrong thing all the time. Now, I don't mean an inappropriate thing, although I do that too. I'm very inappropriate, and I love that about myself too, so I'm just gonna keep it. But what I mean is that um, like like here's an example about saying the wrong thing. I realized that in last week's podcast episode, I said that the year was gonna be 20, 20, 16, and I didn't catch it in editing. I say stuff like that all the time. I mix up my words. That's another MECFS like fibromyalgia thing. Um, I mix up my words. I don't always catch it. So people will call me out on it. I'm not gonna feel bad about you calling me out on it. And if I catch it myself, I'll just say, oops, this is what I meant. No more masking, which is a hard thing to break. You know, I I don't think that by saying no more masking, I'm gonna just automatically stop masking. But there's just been so many things that I've been covering up to fit into society, and I'm I'm just not gonna do that anymore. And uneducated people might think I'm weird, and well, I am, but like it's because I'm a neurodivergent person, and it's been really freeing to just live that way, to just live that way. You know, I'm someone that makes comments under my breath, not typically rude, but like uh if if someone says something that resonates with me, I'll just give you an example. Yesterday I was at this really awesome community thing. People were saying a lot of things that were resonating with me. And one person said something like something about delight. Delight, what a wonderful word that is, delight. She said delight, and I just repeated it, delight. I said it out loud. It's a it's an ADHD thing. Um, I also blurt a lot, which is an ADHD thing, and I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do those things. I'm just gonna do them. I'm not gonna cover them up. If I if I sound jazzed, it's because I'm jazzed. It's because I'm jazzed. It's because you know, we say things to people all the time, like be yourself. But like what does that mean? What does that mean to be yourself? And I realized that in my case, for me, be yourself means allow all of the things that I've been pushing down to just come out, to just come out. And, you know, I know how to read a room. So let's say I blurt something out or I repeat something or I start singing and I notice that people are that if I notice that people are noticing, I could say, oh hey, just you know, being me. Or or if if I notice that people are bothered, I can I can stop. I could say, oh, I apologize and I could stop because that's what I've been doing my whole life is apologizing and stopping. So if I'm bothering someone and I notice that, I could do that. But also, this is me. Got no apologies. This is me. What's that song from the greatest showman? Anyway, it feels really good in my body and in my soul and in my brain right now. And if you've listened to my podcast in the past, you know that that is usually not the case. So I'm just gonna go with this because I think that's why I feel so good right now, is I'm just out there. I'm just out there being me. Whew. That was a lot. Before I sign off, a couple things. Hey, I am looking for work, mostly gig work, meaning things that happen every once in a while. I'm really looking for something that has flexible hours that I can maybe do in my own time because I can get your 10 hours of work done, but I might not be able to always get it done certain days or certain times. So if you or someone you know needs an employee like that that can come in a few times a week and just get stuff done, I'm your girl. There's so many things I enjoy doing. I really like doing merchandising. I've been looking for some merchandising work. I love organizing, I love sorting things. Do you need a part-time assistant? Just please reach out, let me know. You can reach me at my email, which is Nikki Kerminga Hill at gmail.com, N-I-C-K-I-E, K-R-O-M-M-I-N-G-A-H-I-L-L at gmail.com. Also, just some housekeeping things. Earlier on, I said more about that with with sharing. I have quietly started a Substack. I'm not going to promise anything in terms of how often I'm posting or anything like that. But right now I've just started writing more about grief, the grief that I'm feeling, having both of my parents be gone. I will link that Substack in the show notes. So there is a click to follow on that Substack. And that'll just give you a heads up that hey, Nikki wrote something today, and I'll start sharing that on my socials as well at some point.
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SPEAKER_01:Also, in the link is a newsletter sign-up. I have not sent out a newsletter in over a year. But Paul and I are going to start sending out Smorgusborg Art newsletters, hopefully monthly. We'll see. We'll see. Also, I have a YouTube channel. YouTube, see, I just said the wrong thing. Ha ha. YouTube channel. It's Smorgusborg Arts. If you would like to start following that. If you like my work, you could buy me a coffee. All these links are in the show note. Buy me a coffee. Share my work with other people. Bring me up on a conversation. Hey, you might like listening to my friend Nikki's podcast. Anything like that is really, really helpful for me. And to be perfectly honest with you, it helps me earn money. And hey, guess what this girl needs? Money, money, money, money, money. In the past, I would have maybe not sung that, but now I'm just gonna do it. Alright, friends. Thank you, thank you so much for listening. I hope that your new year is going well, or that you're doing well. I always hope that you're doing well. I think about you all the time. I know who some of you are. Some of you I don't know, but I really do. I think about my listeners a lot, and I'm always sending you love and light and joy. And as always, thank you so much for healing and growing with me today.
SPEAKER_00:This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or professional advice. I am not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to reflect professional medical advice.
