The Show Up Fitness Podcast

From Losing 54lbs To Gaining Purpose: Trainer Torey Berry's Journey

• Chris Hitchko, CEO Show Up Fitness • Season 2 • Episode 192

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Ever found yourself battling mental barriers on the road to fitness? Meet Torey Berry, an inspiring exercise variation instructor from North Carolina, who turned her weight loss journey into a transformative lifestyle change. Fueled by the support of her family, especially a pivotal push from her brother to start hitting the gym, Torey redefined her approach to health during the pandemic. Her story is a testament to the power of resilience, highlighting how a supportive environment can lead to remarkable personal transformations.

Peeling back the layers of mental resilience, Torey and I delve into the mindset shifts necessary for overcoming obstacles on the path to a healthier lifestyle. We explore the concept of adopting a "dog mentality," where setbacks are not failures but opportunities for growth. From the powerful strategy of journaling to quelling negative thoughts to the enduring inspiration drawn from historical figures, we uncover the tools to stay motivated and accountable. Torey shares insights on how remembering the "why" of your journey can be a driving force in maintaining overall well-being.

Personal growth and empathy in fitness take center stage as we unpack the role of trainers in fostering a supportive community. Torey provides valuable advice on tailoring training approaches to individual needs, enhancing motivation through empathy, and the transformative effects of self-reflection and emotional regulation. Whether you're aiming to achieve personal goals or support others on their fitness journey, our discussion offers a wealth of practical strategies and inspiration. Connect with Torey online or join her classes for even more insights into creating an environment that nurtures professional and personal development.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Show Up Fitness Podcast, where great personal trainers are made. We are changing the fitness industry, one qualified trainer at a time, with our in-person and online personal training certification. If you want to become an elite personal trainer, head on over to showupfitnesscom. Also, make sure to check out my book how to Become a Successful Personal Trainer. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review. Have a great day and keep showing up. Howdy everybody. Welcome back to the Show of Fitness podcast.

Speaker 1:

Today we had Miss Tori Berry out of North Carolina Raise up, take your shirt off she didn't know that song, but when I told her what we were going to listen to first and she said I'm old. But thank you today, tori, for showing up, of course, thank you for having me. We had an amazing time in Charlotte, first time there. We had our seminar, first one of the year for our seminar tour. We're going to be out in Vegas at the end of the month and then we're going to be in Austin. Lots of spots to go in 2025. But today I learned some new stuff over the weekend about Tori which I did not know. She has an incredible fat loss journey and we want to learn more about that, and she's our exercise variation instructor for our certification and I'm excited to have you on today talking about that. So how are we doing today? Team Doing pretty good. I'm excited to have you on today talking about that.

Speaker 2:

So how are we doing today? Team Doing pretty good. I'm excited to talk about it. Have a different perspective. I don't really tell my weight loss story that often. I think because it was, I would say it started 2020, so it started COVID, but because it's been so long, I'm just kind of working towards getting essentially in the best shape of my life, which I haven't seen yet.

Speaker 1:

I'm always curious on that because people we look in the mirror and I don't know if it's like part of a fitness journey imposter syndrome which we all have experienced. But why don't we talk more about it? People love hearing about successes. You don't understand how many Tories are out there that are trying to lose 50 pounds. And you did it. So let's talk through what your mindset was like putting on that weight. What do you think it was attributed to? Was it Cheetos? Was it fast food? Was it COVID? What happened, tori? Talk to us about it.

Speaker 2:

I mean okay. So I think it started when, like, just growing up, you know, at first, I think up until five years old, I was just your average size child, you know, just running around. And then I think, with just not understanding how it, how important it is to be healthy, to live a healthy lifestyle. I'm just a kid, I'm just going to eat what's in front of me. I don't know how much to eat. My family didn't really know like, oh, you should try this or do this. My siblings were active, I wasn't as active, and so it kind of, I think it started to fall by the wayside. So I just started, I just went into this routine of, okay, well, I'm just going to eat, not realizing how much of an effect it's going to have on me, my body, my mental, my emotional, everything holistically.

Speaker 2:

And I will tell people that one thing you don't want to do when it comes to someone who's overweight is to obviously say that they're overweight. It's like you walk into a room, you don't go up to someone and you're like, oh, you're fat, oh you're, oh, wow, you're big. Because they know that. And so for me, I've always had that confidence in myself of like, yeah, I know who I am. I know I'm overweight. I don't need you to point it out, so I think that was helpful. Um, and I also think from my family my parents playing sports.

Speaker 2:

I've always wanted to live a healthy lifestyle. I've always wanted to be in shape. I've always wanted to live a healthy lifestyle. I've always wanted to be in shape. I've always wanted it's just like an athletic, I would say mindset. You know, you just you see a version of yourself and you're like I want to pursue that.

Speaker 2:

But it didn't really start up until. I had always wanted to lose weight but it was really hard. But it didn't really start until COVID, when the world shut down and everyone had to sit down. May of 2020, up until the end of June, my sister and I were just man. We were going into Target getting the Sour Patch Kids, the chips the literal definition of snacking and that's when I really gained the weight, like I was already overweight. I gained an extra like 30, 40 pounds and my mom was like if you don't lose five pounds in the next month, doing it on your own Cause. Every time since then I'm like I got it. I got it. She's like you're going to do group training with me and I was like, okay, and I didn't lose five pounds. And that's when I started group training and I was like, okay, you know I like this, but it was a struggle, it was honestly, it took me like three years.

Speaker 1:

But I think that's really cool to hear is that you had the social system and the family to help you, and you said there was a day in New York, I believe that you're with your family, and your brother was like all right, tori, I'm going to the gym, you're coming with me.

Speaker 2:

Family and your brother was like all right, tori, I'm going to the gym, you're coming with me. I woke up from the bed and he's hovering over me. He played sports all his life. He was in the military, so he is used to being physically fit. That's just normal. He just woke up, hovered over me and he was like I think you should go to the gym with me. And I was like okay, did I go? No, because I was in my feelings, but it was like it's just blatant and that's how it goes.

Speaker 2:

So let's dissect that. You said it was in your feelings, yeah, meaning like I wasn't emotionally ready to receive that information in the delivery that he gave it to me.

Speaker 1:

Now, do you think that's a guy thing or a brother thing, or what? Now, do you think that's a guy thing or a brother?

Speaker 2:

thing or what? All of the above? I think the intention is there. Of course you love your siblings, but the delivery is off, so you have to be able to dissect that Be like. His intentions are good, but he just didn't know how else to say it.

Speaker 1:

In our society today. Definitely, as you were saying earlier, you can't just tell people they're fat. But ironically, if you see someone who's really tall, that's the first thing you say wow, you're really tall. Or the first time I met you I was like you're short, damn. You're 5'1". 5'2". That's okay to say, but when it comes to weight that's a whole different ballgame. But in the family traditions in the world I mean I grew up with three other brothers it was definitely perfectly fine to tease each other hey, nick, getting a little poochy there, looking like Jabba the Hutt, what the fuck. And you can be blunt like that, but as a trainer you can't. I mean, you have to be very empathetic. And so let's go through that. You said it was difficult for three years. So you put on 50 pounds. During COVID, the average person put on 35. You beat him, congratulations. 50 pounds during COVID, the average person put on 35. You beat them, congratulations.

Speaker 1:

And so what did you do to start taking off that? What was your mindset? I put this weight on over a couple of years. I'm going to use a couple of years to take it off, or did you want that quick fix? Did you want to lose 10 pounds? Were you weighing yourself a lot? Were you beginning to become hyper fixated on that number on the scale, or was it more of? I'm obsessed with these group classes. I want to start going more. What was your, the tipping point that really got you to be consistent? Because anyone if they don't tell you this the most important thing for weight loss and the fat loss journey is the consistency. You got to be showing up daily, regularly, and you're going to have fumbles because you're going to go back to target and get 25 boxes of Gushers. I found out you love Gushers tea, so that's awesome.

Speaker 2:

I do, I do. I think it was all of the above. So, and I made a mistake earlier 2019 is when I started the group classes, summer of 2019. 2020, I saw some changes, but the nutrition was a big part that I wasn't tuned into Like I thought it was like most people were trying to lose weight, but I wasn't. So 2020 comes and I'm like, okay, my sister and I are both in the same place where we're trying to lose weight. The pat it was 30 pounds actually, chris, thank you very much, not 50, but um gain the weight you lost 50.

Speaker 1:

That's what I meant.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and Chris people, we need to help Chris actually be factual. I lost 54 pounds. Add the four, okay, anyways.

Speaker 1:

These things are important. These things are important. 54 pounds I apologize, but that's pretty significant. And you have to realize, if you do some quick math and I know, tori, you're an expert with math, but I mean you're looking at a 5 to 130 pound person means you don't need that many calories to sustain that build of 130 pounds. So if you're sedentary in the sense that you're in your house which we were in COVID and you only need 1,500, 1,800 calories to maintain that, if you're a little more active, but how easy is it just to scarf down 3,000 calories, and it's super easy to do with the processed foods today, and you have a packet of Gushers 80 calories no fucking way. You had one packet of Gushers, you had 13 of them, and then you had ice cream and sometimes were you indulging in alcohol or weed or anything else.

Speaker 2:

At the time. No, I was definitely a Mary Jane girl no longer, thank goodness Edibles. Thank you very much Anyway. But I would say the mindset was I know my goal, I know what I want. I, it's just like a dog mentality. I think that's that comes a lot with genetics. My family, like the resiliency and the determination I really think, will always be there and always has. But the mental part is and I have videos on my phone I'm just like. Mental part is and I have videos on my phone. I'm just like am I going to be this way forever? Like I remember being in eighth grade and I was like God, if you just make me skinny by tomorrow morning, I will never do anything bad again.

Speaker 2:

In eighth grade I'm 13 years old, that translated up until I was what 22 of? Just like, okay, if I just do this one thing. Like I just have to be consistent. But I remember asking myself one time like would I be okay with being this size my entire life? No, would I be okay with being mundane, not living a healthy lifestyle? No. And so during COVID, I was like okay, me and my sister were eating avocado toast.

Speaker 2:

My mom was plant-based at the time, she was trying it out. So a lot of veggies, a lot of just nutritionally dense foods, a lot of fiber, but then also we didn't have that much weights. We completely redid the garage so we had plates like metal plates, your old, like Gold's Gym, that's what we had resistance bands. We would run. We were doing what we needed to do with what we had, which wasn't a lot. And now, thinking about it, I was like, okay, so if I did this much, if I lost 54 pounds with not having I guess you could say with not having everything I needed, translating that now I can do more. People have done more with less, essentially. So the mindset shift. It still hits me now because I don't think I realize how much I've grown and how much I've progressed, because when people see my pictures they're like or people haven't seen in years, they're like, oh, my goodness, I'm like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And what is not talked about a lot with the journey of a transformation is the mindset shift. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I wish that people you do get it on social media a little bit, but I wish people who had incredible stories like you would share those vulnerable times, because that's when you're going to relate, those emotional times are what are going to connect with another human that they can do it, because there's so much of the self-doubt that your internal dialogue. I'd love to hear what it was like. Is it like because we've all probably experienced it in some shape or form. Is it like I'm terrible, I'm a fat fuck, I'm a loser? What is that internal dialogue like? Is it positive words like no, you're doing great, Tori, you got this. Or is it like I'm pathetic, I can't do this, I'm not good enough? What is it like?

Speaker 2:

I would that it's a fluctuation of all those thoughts, all those the things that you tell yourself. One day you're like, oh yeah, I'm strong, look at me. The next day you're like you are, you look gross. And I tried to not, and that's I feel like some people. It may be the easy way to say, but I tried not to and I think I did a pretty good job of having those ants, because just trying to give myself grace, um.

Speaker 2:

But I remember one day my sister and I were going to go film content because at the time I was like I'm gonna, you know, be a fitness influencer, I'm gonna be a personal trainer, and we went to go film content and I came upstairs after putting on my gym clothes and I was so like, so frustrated Cause I was like, look at me, like, oh, like essentially disgusted with myself, and my sister was like I don't even want to go work, like work out with you now and film because look at your face, and I had just this look of disdain and like just disappointment, and so it's a mixture of all those thoughts.

Speaker 2:

But the best thing I would like, the best advice I would give someone, is like remembering your why, and I've actually told my client this before like remember why you started, remember why you want to get to where you want to go. And I think keeping that like mindset and keeping that thought is very beneficial. And I will say even now, like I still have those thoughts. It is like shedding of the old self, and when people I think a little bit of not sharing my story is embarrassment, like it is embarrassing to look back at those pictures. Sometimes, at least for me, it's like you're like oh my gosh, was I really in this position? Like was I really looking like this? And it's like you were. And so I have to remind myself constantly like there's nothing to be embarrassed about because you're no longer in that position.

Speaker 1:

We would do so much better as a society if we took a sports mentality like you said, that dog mentality, and you mentioned ants, those automatic negative thoughts, whereas imagine an athlete he shoots a ball and it goes over the backboard, the mentality is, oh man, that was a shitty shot, I got to make up for it the next time. But when it comes to our fitness and transformation journey, it's typically not like that. It's a lot of negative stuff. And so what would be those pieces of advice you would have for those that are struggling? They've hit that, because it's never just this perfect line of success where it's oh, I lost a pound today, I lost a pound tomorrow. It's maybe week by week.

Speaker 1:

You weigh yourself. I'm not saying to weigh yourself, but, matter of fact, most people do weigh themselves. I mean, you know that you lost 54 pounds, so therefore you did weigh yourself, and those numbers can be very discouraging because you view that as success. I can sport. If you have 50 points, it's a great game. But if you have 10 games in a row, you have zero. Well, your average is going to be significantly lower. But that one game doesn't define who you are. It's about being consistent and getting out of those slumps. So what are the recommendations that you have for people that may be in that slump right now?

Speaker 2:

Like I said before, for one, just starting out is remembering your why, and I think the to go even deeper than that. It's like you want to. Your why should always be living a healthy lifestyle, meaning all around, drinking your water, you know, being able to walk up the stairs without huffing and puffing, and whether you're wanting to hang out with your grandkids. Remember your why will always be my number one for people, for two slow and steady wins the race. In the same way that you gain that weight which is over time. It's just not gonna fall off overnight. I really don't care who you are or what you do. It's not gonna fall off overnight. It's going to take time and if you're consistent enough and diligent enough, it's just gonna to fall off overnight. It's going to take time and if you're consistent enough and diligent enough, it's just going to fall off like it's going to happen.

Speaker 2:

And I also think three is give yourself some grace. Um, because I think people who are overweight, or maybe people who want to gain weight, who have been called skinny their whole lives, which I know probably is super frustrating um, it's going to take time. Give yourself yourself some grace and I think if you give yourself enough grace, you can also leave room for accountability. It's like if you know this is your goal, you know what your why is drinking three nights a week is not going to be beneficial.

Speaker 2:

So you really have to honestly start talking to yourself. I'll start talking out loud, like is this what I want to do? Or if I have a negative thought, I'm like I'm like oh, tori, you're just so, you're so lazy. And then I'll be like, no, I'm actually not. So if I talk to myself enough, if I write down these thoughts, it's a lot of internal self-work. It kind of just over time, you're like okay, no, I can actually do this, I will do this. I am going to become the best version of myself. So I would say, give yourself some grace, remember your why You're saying some really great stuff.

Speaker 1:

There's some good gold nuggets there where, if you are trying to lose weight, you can hear people say just be consistent, as you're saying self-love, but it's the action items that are going to help with that. So just telling someone to bench more isn't necessarily going to help them get stronger, having a plan that you can follow. So if you are struggling with that internal dialogue, which is negative, get a journal and write 30 days in a row and you don't need to make it a masterpiece. I have chicken scribble, scratch, bullshit and as long as I can get it out, that's a success mark and I'm going to put that into the bank as I did something positive and so I always read. I'm a big reader. Right now, we have a challenge for today. See how many pages you can read, and you're not comparing yourself to me. I'm going to probably read 80 to 100 pages, but my challenge is to do more than the half-assed Chris. I'm always challenging myself in that half-assed approach and I went over that story.

Speaker 1:

I love General Grant. I've read a lot of his books and there was just one of his first battles that he was in charge of. I'm not sure if he was a major general or what he was Maybe a general, I don't know but it was one of his first battles and he's going to go fight the Confederates and it was like this mountain that separated them, and so his duty was to go beat those fuckers. And he's tiring every single day about oh my God, I don't want to do this, I'm going to lose, and he has all those negative thoughts. But he just told himself you got to keep on, I'm making this up. But he kept. He told himself you got to keep on showing up. You got to keep on showing up. And then, when he got to the battle, the other side didn't show up, and so it was like this aha moment, like holy shit. Everyone has these thoughts, everyone is experiencing it, and that moment is really powerful because then you realize that it's like the matrix moment, where you're stopping bullets. You are normal, everything that you're thinking is normal.

Speaker 1:

The best thing you can do for your success is to keep pushing through it. When you're having a hard day and that you showed up to the gym, it's better than nothing. You don't beat yourself up and say I'm not going to work out the rest of the week. We don't self-sabotage. So can you imagine that mindset of a general that you're losing battles? You're winning battles but you're losing men and women? There's so many things that are going on, but you have to take that mentality. We got to live another day.

Speaker 1:

When it comes to a journey, a transformation, you need to think about. The most important workout I can do is the next one. Today I just got to show up and if you have a little more motivation, then push it. So maybe you have a 30-minute workout you have planned. You have some insanity or group class that you did and you feel great after and you're like you know what? I want to do? Another workout. That's okay. Go with that motivation for that day, but you have to be disciplined the next day. You need to show up the next day. And so what were some other battles that you came across that maybe you wanted to quit, and what was that internal dialogue like and what helped you get through those?

Speaker 2:

I would say honestly, going back to General Grant and what you said about the next or no, the best workout is the next one. Is that what you said? I think an important part and something that I dealt with was I don't know. It's like I will think so far into the future to the point where I can't stay present. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can, I, I can imagine whatever I want, like my imagination is wild and it's very creative, which is a you know, it's a good thing, but then it can. It can also be a little bit detrimental because I can look so far into the future and say, oh my gosh, I'm going to be, I can't wait to see what my body looks like. My back is going to be jacked. And this is what I'm thinking during the time of the, during my process of losing weight. But I always remember what people like. There's a quote and it's like be where your feet are. So it's like you can have these visions, you can have these goals, but if you're not present and you're not putting a hundred percent into your workout and your nutrition and your, your mental health and all of it, that can be detrimental to your future. So in.

Speaker 2:

During that time of trying to lose weight, I was like I just have to take it day by day. And once you start to really see you know your clothes fitting differently cause you know you clothes fitting differently because you know you can lose, I mean you can weigh yourself. But it's like that in itself is a mental. You could be gaining muscle, you could be. It's a lot, and your scale could be broken. You couldn't even have the right batteries. So for me it's more so pictures, how do I feel, how do my clothes look. And once those like it, it's really once those like five pounds come off, you're like, okay, I'm, this is, I'm going to be in shape, I'm excited. But you have to, you really do have to stay consistent.

Speaker 1:

And that's if you put this into perspective as a coach. That's where it can get. Tricky is because you need to ignite that fire under your client's ass and when you tell them, oh, you just need to be. Is because you need to ignite that fire under your client's ass and when you tell them, oh, you just need to be consistent and you need to eat better and you need to take this. It's almost like this Miss Universe approach. It doesn't work because your clients don't relate to that, and so, if you can find something that will expedite the process within reason, challenge your clients this first week. I'm going to challenge you, tori. You said you ate out every single day and you're going to whatever the hell you like to go to. I'm going to challenge you one day not to do that. Do you think that you would be able to reach that goal and get that commitment from your client and then hold them accountable? Now you told me you're going to go to six. Now, if you eat seven, that's okay. You're not a bad person, but you got to bring me a cup of coffee next week or you have to bring me something.

Speaker 1:

There needs to be some sort of accountability for your lack of consistency and what we don't do is give our clients these tangible things that they can kind of check off, so saying something like, yeah, drink more water. It's second nature to us now, but we need to hold our clients accountable. Right now, how many glasses of water are you having per day? And your clients will say, oh, I don't know, like four or five. That water bottle, right there, is 16 ounces. How many of those do you have a day? You're not going to get in trouble. I need to know the exact number. Probably two or three, okay, two. So my challenge is you need to post in your story three times that you're drinking. That that's your accountability. And if you don't want to spread it out to the world, that's okay. Send me a private message, send me a text message. So I want 21 text messages in the next seven days and if you don't reach that, if you don't hit it, that's okay. You got to bring me whatever. You're going to have clients that work in different trades and maybe you get a haircut out of it, maybe you get glasses, whatever.

Speaker 1:

I have a client right now. She's a big drinker and she loves wine, an expensive wine. I love wine. So I told her that if you're not consistent, you got to bring me one of those nice ass bottles of Italian wine. Last week she brought me four bottles of wine and I was happy as can be, but she at least had some accountability. There was something that she had to give. I think that's so important, because when it comes to goals, we don't set them. So we say, oh, I've put on all this weight and we have that nasty internal dialogue. I just want to lose weight and I just want to do it day by day, which is, you need to do that, but you need to have discipline, and discipline isn't something that grows on trees, it's something that can be trained. So, were there songs that you would listen to? Were there people that you would reach out to? How did you find that disciplinary action that helped you maintain the consistency, to get where you're at today?

Speaker 2:

I think for me, environment well, not for me, just in general environment plays a role. Everyone in my family I played field hockey, but everyone in my family was an athlete Mom ran track, played volleyball, Dad played football, Brother ran track, played lacrosse, wrestling, my sister ran track. And it's not just they were in those sports, they were really good at them and so you know they, you know we're in those sports, they were really good at them and so you know genetically, you're like okay, like it's something that's ingrained in them. And then here I come out the womb and it's ingrained in me. So for me, I was like I'm always gonna, I'm always gonna reach my goal. It may, I may be slow, but I'm always gonna, I'm always gonna get there. Or I may have to pivot, but that's okay. So during that time, you know I love hip hop, I love rap, I love a good gospel playlist. Like I was really just trying to feed my mind with positivity and also realism, Because sometimes when people are too optimistic, they're not realistic. And so people like Kiara the leader she's a strength coach and personal trainer based in Atlanta. I would follow her during COVID um people who actually and one thing I think trainers lack is empathy people who had empathy because it's easy to say, okay, drink more water, okay, you need to come here three times a week, but you have no idea.

Speaker 2:

And that's why environment plays a role. You have no idea what that person is going through when they step outside of your gym. They could be in an environment where that's not suitable for them. Borderline sounds foreign. So, having empathy and then also gentleness it's almost like you're parenting them in a sense, Even if they're older than you. Having gentleness, patience with them, empathy, but then also with all those, all of those, what characteristics you also have to have accountability, Like. You have to be like okay, I know we said this, but I really need you to get here and it's.

Speaker 2:

There's a certain passion I think trainers, successful trainers have that you can't really teach, so you have to be passionate about it too. And I think for me, I can really empathize with my clients because I've been there before. I've been in the spot of losing a lot of weight, I've been in the spot of trying to gain muscle, I've been in a spot where my mile time is horrible. So I can empathize with them. But I'm like, hey, it's up to you. And during this whole journey of losing weight, for me, for my clients, it really is a you versus you journey, the only person who you know. The only barriers you have are the ones that you put in front of yourself.

Speaker 1:

So and I like that a lot the empathetic. Being empathetic is very important and knowing that lens. So I grew up with a family military background. I'm my first trainer in fourth grade, grew up with brothers. It's so easy just to be that tough love approach and it works for my family. But I have those people skills where, when a client comes in, I meet them where they're at. And that's why the assessment process is so important, because you need to ask those questions that discover the type of person who's in front of you.

Speaker 1:

If someone has that sports background, use that motivating factor, whereas what happens today? If you don't show up to your 6 am practice, your field hockey coaches are going to be like oh, it's okay, yay, self-love. They're going to be like you're not fucking playing. So you need to find the type of person who's in front of you. If you have someone who doesn't have that background, what are things that you like? And challenges are a great way to hold people accountable, because if you're supposed to get your steps in today and it's eight o'clock at night and you told me you're going to get 10,000 steps and post it in your story and you don't, the next time you come in I'm not going to be like you, fat, fuck pile of shit. No, it's going to be like, hey, what happened to that post? Okay, well, he says you're going to do it. What's our accountability? I'm not going to punish you per se, but there's accountability, and so you have to find that psychological factor that motivates people. And so you see how trainers will say this career is, we're psychologists. But imagine if you had a psychologist on your team and you empathize with your clients and say you know what You're doing. Really great, if you're able to hit 15 workouts, whatever your challenge is for them, raise the bar. I'm going to get you a session with our psychologist. I'm going to get you a session with our RD. Your back's been ailing and our screens and our soft tissue stuff hasn't been helping. I'm going to get you a session with a therapist.

Speaker 1:

So, providing more. You got to give more. And we're trainers. I see them. I don't know what it is. It's just like this we get in this field to help people, but our helping stops based off of the transactions that we receive. So you're only training twice a week. That's all I'm going to give you.

Speaker 1:

You're not getting results because of you, you, you, you. Well, maybe it's time that trainers look in the mirror and go maybe they're not getting results because of me, maybe I'm not offering enough, maybe I'm not getting out of my comfort zone. My client really likes field hockey. Fuck, I got to go sign up for a field hockey class and I'm going to start doing something out of my comfort zone to show my clients that I'm their leader, I'm their coach, I'm going to help them get to wherever they want to be, and so it's like we take this laissez-faire it's always such a hard word to say laissez-faire laissez-faire approach and we're not helping our clients get to where they want to be, and so community wins.

Speaker 1:

And I think the biggest thing I took from this talk today, tori, is that you had your family. Now, for those that don't have a family, you need to get into a culture that gives you that positive environment, that positive feel, so you can look at someone and say you know what. I'm really impressed by what Tori's doing, as she's doing, as she said with Kiara. That helped you have people who motivate you but also keep the mind in a positive state. By reading more and listening to podcasts and surrounding yourself with great people. Were there some really big game changers for you that tipped the scale no pun intended in your favor, such as I just took this approach. I gave up snacks, I gave up fast food, I stopped smoking weed. What was it and what got you to start doing that?

Speaker 2:

Honestly, I think the major thing and I'm big on timing and intentionality, the timing of my journey losing weight. I also started cognitive behavioral therapy therapy, or counseling, to make it simple. So I really had to look and when I think, with anyone who's in the customer service industry whether you are you braid hair, whether you do nails, whether you're a personal trainer, whether you're you work at target, a lot of the things that you're attracting has to do with you. So for me, I was like there's underlying, it's like I'm trying to grow into this big tree but my roots, the, the, the roots are rotting and the, the source of my growth, is not. It's not healthy. So for me, I had to literally look inward, because I'm like how am I going to provide a great service if I have these mental or if I have these like dreams and visions and people tell me oh, you're so charismatic and X, y and Z, how can I attract that? How can I build a service, how can I build a community if maybe I don't really believe that in the moment or my behavior is telling me otherwise? So for me, I started therapy 2020 and that's been a game changer.

Speaker 2:

Going out into my community, more reading more journaling.

Speaker 2:

I literally have journals from 2020.

Speaker 2:

I have videos from 2018, 2016, because I'm like, no, I need to look back at this time and really like, understand and break down how I got there and how that translates to now. Like I was saying, be where your feet are. You can look in the past, you can look in the future, because they're both beneficial, but you have to remain in the present. So I would look at the past and be like, okay, I was here. How was the past going to be beneficial for me now? And so therapy has just been great for me and, like I said, family community and I'm also going to give myself grace, Like that's the biggest thing for me. People deal with a lot things that they don't realize have an effect on them. So, journaling, even if it was two pages, getting it out, crossing out things that I don't even agree with, and just, you know, taking it literally, taking it day by day. I used to have monthly planners, now I have day by day planners, cause I'm like I can't I can't think too far ahead.

Speaker 1:

That's great. And so, for those that are listening, you may be thinking well, fuck, what does that mean? Journaling, I can't write, I'm a terrible writer, where do I do it? How do I do it? That's where a great coach can give you those steps.

Speaker 1:

So my challenge for you, seven days in a row, when you go to get your coffee or when you wake up, find five minutes, get your phone out, put the timer on and you have to keep the pen or pencil on the paper for five minutes and you just have to write. I can't think of anything. Look across the fucking table and look at someone and write about them. There's a person next to me. They're drinking a latte. Holy shit, that latte looks really great, it has whipped cream. Blah, blah, blah. Just write and get into the consistency of writing. For five minutes, you will find and start peeling back those layers and you're going to start talking about some weird shit mom issues, dad issues, relationship issues. That's okay, that's what you want to get into. And then you're going to start going to 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and then, if you really want some professional help like Tori did you learn and you get someone to help unravel those layers even more so with CBT is a great Dr Beck was one of the originators with that type of therapy. It gets you to be mindful of the situation, especially with how we approach nutrition. We're very negative and we have this. It's not coming to my brain right now, it's a sabotage. There we go, sabotage thinking and sabotage actions.

Speaker 1:

Imagine if you were driving, tori and I. She picked me up and she took me to a OMD brewery Amazing, had some good beers there. Imagine what I would be thinking if we're driving on the freeway and all of a sudden Tori goes fuck, my front tire just has low air, it's it's, it's popped. She pulls over, gets out this giant knife and she fucking slashes the other tire. And she goes the other one, slashes that one and slashes that one. I'm like what the hell was the other tire. And she goes the other one and slashes that one and slashes that one. I'm like what the hell? This girl's crazy. What's going on? But why do we do that with nutrition? Why is it that you had a bad day? You don't like what you heard, your boss told you some bad stuff. You go home and you have 38 pieces of pizza, 16 boxes of cookies. It's like we just keep on going.

Speaker 1:

So what CBT does in this type of therapy goes you go home and you're frustrated, you got all these emotions and you're just, and you're so emotional and you go, you know what. All right, this is normal, chris. Do I want to have pizza? Yes, I'm pissed off in the world. Pizza makes me feel better. I'm going to get the fucking pizza, or the pizza, chris. Okay, that's okay. But if you want to order pizza, that's fine. How are you going to feel after you eat the entire pizza? I'm pissed off at the world, chris, it's okay, I'm going to do it anyways. How are you going to feel? Nah, big breath, probably going to feel like shit. Okay, so you felt better for the moment, but afterwards you're going to feel like crap.

Speaker 1:

So what could we do to make you feel better, but also not make you feel like shit, for those ramifications of that behavior? Well, maybe I'm just going to have one slice. All right, that's a better approach, chris, but if you order that whole pizza, what is the likelihood of you having just one slice? So here's what I'm going to challenge you to do, bud Go to that pizza spot, celestino's, and order one slice and then go home and then, after you eat that slice, have the same conversation and go do I want to have another slice?

Speaker 1:

What we do is we just have this catastrophic thinking and we order everything in the world and we just eat our emotions and then the next day we allow that negative guilt to impact our action. And that's what you were talking about paralysis by analysis. So you're not going to do the things that you want to achieve because of that emotional response that you look in the mirror. It's you who allowed that to happen. It's not your parents, it's not Trump, it's not whatever's going on with politics, it's you. And so the best thing that you can do is put your big boy pants on and girl pants on and you show up the next day.

Speaker 1:

Ah fuck, I had a whole thing of pizza last night. I didn't want to do that. I told myself I wouldn't, but I'm still going to train today, I'm still going to work out, I'm still going to do the things that are going to move the needle for my success, because, ultimately, what happens for those that aren't like Tori? Tori may have gained a couple of pounds here, lost a couple of pounds here, but, most importantly, she's consistent and she's still on that journey today. So what is that last piece of advice for someone who has fallen off the wagon In 2025,? It started out a terrible fucking year. It's not going their way. We have 11 months left, though.

Speaker 2:

What's that advice for them, tori? The last bite, and it goes back to what you about? Um, the guy ordering pizza and actually taking the breath. I think a lot of people are afraid and don't want to sit in whatever feelings they have, because, oh, emotions, and it honestly, honestly, a lot of it goes back to like plato's and ancient times, where if you're emotional, you just you, not capable, you have to sit in the feeling. You have to sit in your, whether you're happy, sad, in the pizza moment, in the oh my gosh, I don't want to work out right now. You have to sit in it, talk to yourself enough and figure it out and hopefully, whatever the solution is, it's for your benefit.

Speaker 2:

And I know a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, I just want to lose weight, I'm so tired of X, y and Z. I just I need to be 50 pounds down in four months. And I say take it day by day, take that breath, sit in the emotion, sit in the frustration, because anything done in impatience is not worth having. You're not going to be able to sustain it. One thing my sister says is, however you get, it is how you have to, or or how fast you get it is how quickly you're gonna have to sustain it. You're going to have to. If you lose weight super duper fast or you try to do things in a rush without figuring out your why, really sitting with yourself, is it gonna be sustainable? So I would say, back to my top three remember your why. Give yourself grace, but with that grace, be accountable. Do the work, because nobody else is going to do it Like, okay, you just have to do the work.

Speaker 1:

I love that T, and I'm just going to piggyback off that, not to steal the light. But I think it's okay to be weird and you have to not give a fuck. I was walking in Santa Monica the other day and I walk and read and people will literally give me the weirdest look like you are a weirdo. And then guess what I do when I get to a stoplight I get down and do a deep squat and I continue to read. I don't give a flying fuck what other people are thinking. I'm nourishing my brain. It helps me get my pages in.

Speaker 1:

I also do a lot of other weird shit when people bring me food. I'm not a big pastry person. I don't like sweets If I get really drunk maybe, but for the most part I don't. So when clients give me stuff they say, chris, try this. I let them know I'm going to try it, but I'm not going to swallow it, I will chew it and I will spit it out. And they look at me like I'm the weirdest fucking person in the world. But I don't want it and I know that if I continue to have these little nibbles here and there it adds up and that can be an extra two or three pounds. So it's okay. Embrace being weird. We all have weird things. You may like weird foods. You may not like to eat certain things. That's okay, it is part of the process. But the most important thing you need to do be consistent. So, t, how would you like to end off today on this wonderful podcast?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's something I was going to say that I completely forgot, but I'm glad you brought it up. Everyone's different. I always tell people it's like a thumbprint. My thumbprint is not going to work with your thumbprint, and I actually have a quote on my computer from a book that I read, from Dolly Parton, and it says find out who you are and do it on purpose. So I think if people remember that, it'll be a little bit easier. No, not a little bit. It will be easier to get to your goal.

Speaker 1:

I love it. Where can people find you? T?

Speaker 2:

Instagram Tori Berry Fitness T-O-R-E-Y-B-E-R-R-Y the word fitness and underscore after TikTok. Just my name, tori Berry.

Speaker 1:

I want you all to go to her page, follow her and hold her accountable for her 12 posts for this month, because she said she's going to do that and she teaches our exercise variation class Wednesdays at 9 o'clock California time, 12 o'clock Eastern time. If you want to become a successful personal trainer, you need to get into an environment where you can ask questions to professionals who understand programming, anatomy, movement, the ability to change up a program on the fly, like we teach, and that's why we have a partnership with Lifetime. We're going to be in Vegas here soon. Had a great seminar in Charlotte. Looking forward to the rest of 2005. And remember, most importantly, keep showing up. Thanks.

Speaker 2:

Chris.