PRP 51 | How to Navigate Grief and Lonliness During Christmas - A Better Christmas Series

Christmas is full people and gatherings—yet so many of us feel alone. Pastor Lindsey sits down with coaches and therapists Brad and Kate Aldrich to name what loneliness really is, how grief impacts this season, and why comfort is not the enemy. Together they offer practical steps and hope for navigating these realities in the Christmas season. Whether you’re navigating loss (death, divorce, distance) or just feeling unseen in a crowded season, this conversation brings language, kindness, and next steps toward real connection.

Resources Mentioned:

🎧 Still Becoming One Podcast  (Apple or Spotify)

Aldrich Ministries - Brad & Kate's services and resources

Book: Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

Learn More About Reality Church: www.pursuereality.org

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Transcript

Speaker 1 00:00:10  You're listening to the new reality podcast from Reality Church. Each episode is a conversation about what it means to be real people pursuing a better reality in Jesus.

Lindsey 00:00:25  Welcome everybody to the new Reality podcast. Great to have you back with us. Or if you're here for the first time, great to have you. And my name is Lindsay and I'm one of the pastors here at Reality Church in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. And I have back with me for another round, some great friends and professionals, Brad and Kate Aldrich. Good to have you guys back again.

Kate Aldrich 00:00:48  We're glad to be here. We are. Thanks for having us.

Lindsey 00:00:51  Yeah, we, maybe if people haven't listened to the previous episode, you could just share just a little bit about yourselves again and about who you are. So people know just a little bit.

Kate Aldrich 00:01:04  Sure. You always point to me first. Yep. Ladies first. Thanks. Yeah. Brad and I have a coaching business ministry where we love to just walk alongside individuals and couples navigating life, figuring out who they are.

Kate Aldrich 00:01:20  Figuring out what they've come from so that they can continue to do life in a really healthy, thriving way. And so we just love to sit and chat with people. I like to sit and specifically work with people through their stories and what they've gone through, what what has been laid on their hearts and how it's impacting their current lives today, which can be really, just mind blowing and can change. Yeah. Can change your perspective a lot.

Brad Aldrich 00:01:51  Yeah. So we've been trained in, allander center trauma therapy and story work. I'm also a licensed marriage and family therapist, and so work with people on a variety of different issues that can impact them in their lives.

Lindsey 00:02:07  And yeah, we appreciate you guys so much. And I've sent a lot of people your way, which has been a huge blessing to everybody that has been impacted by you both. And this episode, I was wanting to talk about, another hard topic around the idea of Christmas. And as we're entering very soon near Christmas, and that is navigating loneliness.

Lindsey 00:02:30  and also maybe, loneliness that comes from a place of grief, or loss. Some people are facing Christmas, and grief and loss is part of that. But it is interesting to me, just on a personal level, but I think as I have talked with people and in ministry, that with all the excitement around Christmas and there's can be a lot of excitement, at least for me. I like Christmas a lot. That's also one of the most common emotions around Christmas is feelings of loneliness. Yeah. And that's that's really hard I think. by nature of loneliness we feel isolated, we feel it and we don't feel like anyone understands because the thing we're feeling isolates us. Yeah. but what does that feel like for people? Like, why do you think loneliness is such a predominant emotion when it comes to Christmas and other significant holidays?

Kate Aldrich 00:03:30  That's a great question.

Brad Aldrich 00:03:32  I would say, because we've had so many years of memories specifically around Christmas, around that event. Right. And those memories become expectations, but also a reminder of what sometimes we don't have.

Brad Aldrich 00:03:51  So there, you know, I think you could go to anyone in America and go, you know, tell me some of your Christmas memories. and everyone would be able to come up with some. And so that means when the comes back around, we have some of those very present memories that may not be the same for, you know, a random May.

Lindsey 00:04:10  Yeah.

Kate Aldrich 00:04:11  yeah. I would add that that it's a time of year where you're not just doing the day to day usual stuff. Right. Other things are added and people around you are doing lots of things, and whether you feel included or not may not actually impact your loneliness. But I think it's just the community as a whole. If we're talking about your community, your family, where you live is actively doing more things, getting together, all of those things. And that's different, as you said, from the average May.

Brad Aldrich 00:04:46  Yeah. I mean, holidays are incredibly busy. You know, we take our normal work schedules, we take our normal monthly expectations and then put a lot of events on top of them.

Brad Aldrich 00:04:59  So that also creates some some loneliness in the midst of the busyness.

Lindsey 00:05:04  Yeah, right. And these holidays are communal by nature. Sure, there is an expectation of gathering and kind of leaning into your people. So let me ask you a question. Is loneliness the same? Simply people who don't have a busy social calendar? Is that what lonely people are? People that.

Kate Aldrich 00:05:30  No, no.

Lindsey 00:05:31  So unpack that. Why is that?

Brad Aldrich 00:05:33  Well, because you can never really busy social calendar and still.

Kate Aldrich 00:05:35  Be incredibly lonely. I think it's really profound when I hear people say, but I can be in a busy room and know people and still feel incredibly lonely. And so I think that that shows us no loneliness. I mean, I think it is more.

Lindsey 00:05:53  It's more than just.

Kate Aldrich 00:05:55  Magnifying and poignant when People feel like they don't have the community they would desire, whether that's family, spouse, whatever friends it definitely is, it feels like it gets very magnified.

Brad Aldrich 00:06:09  Then this is going to feel very therapeutic or very therapist of me.

Brad Aldrich 00:06:13  But I'll say loneliness is the feeling of the lack of having somebody who attuned to you.

Speaker 5 00:06:19  Oh.

Lindsey 00:06:21  The lack. So let's unpack that for a second because I think this is really important for people. because some people feel lonely and maybe have never named it. So they're listening right now and being like ooh. but they look around their lives and they've got more events on the calendar that are barreling towards them. Yeah sure. With Christmas then they can even keep up with. But inside they feel lonely and that's confusing. Correct. So you just said loneliness is the is the say the say that again it was really good the lack of someone attune.

Brad Aldrich 00:06:57  It's the lack of having somebody attuned to you. Which attunement is this feeling of connection? Or is this feeling where you don't know what somebody else is thinking, but you have a good sense of what's going on with them, and you feel seen. When we don't have that, we feel lonely. Yeah. And so you go to a business party where you have to go and you put on your business mask and you, you know, you're doing the thing that doesn't necessarily mean you're not lonely because nobody really is seeing you there.

Brad Aldrich 00:07:31  You can be there in that busy space and you still feel really alone.

Kate Aldrich 00:07:35  Well, and I think what you said, Lindsay, was so interesting, profound. Like a lot of people have been lonely and don't know how to identify it or name it. Right. And I do think understanding what does it feel like to feel lonely in my body? Can I think of a time when I was lonely? What did that look like for me? Really good. Right? And be able to identify what loneliness looks like for you so that you can honor it when it's there, right? It's not just the. How do we get rid of it? Because I think that's usually what people are looking for in their answer. How do I.

Brad Aldrich 00:08:09  How.

Kate Aldrich 00:08:09  Do I.

Brad Aldrich 00:08:09  Distract.

Kate Aldrich 00:08:11  Or have enough attunement with someone, whether that's at a party, right. People inviting you, people talking to you that I don't have to think about it anymore.

Brad Aldrich 00:08:20  Or I wish it was the latter. I think most times people distract themselves so they don't feel.

Lindsey 00:08:25  It, or they're confused by it, or they get advice. If you feel lonely, go to a bunch of social engagements, right? But when you're.

Kate Aldrich 00:08:33  Around.

Lindsey 00:08:33  People, be around people. But if that's what loneliness is that you just said, Brad, this lack of people who are attuned to you, connected, they actually see you, right? And they know who you are, what you value, what what what your makeup is. Yeah. then and if I could just give an example of that moment where you're sitting at the family gathering. And maybe, you know, a parent or an uncle or a cousin comes up and says, you know, I don't know, something weird, like, you know, how's your pottery going? And you're like, I haven't done pottery since I was in sixth grade. Yeah, right. And it can be silly, but. But you just feel this constant dissonance. Nobody actually knows me, right? No one listens to me. No one actually truly knows my likes, my interests.

Lindsey 00:09:26  No one bothers to ask me how my year was correct. And it was a terrible year or a great year. And I had all these successes. It's it's that. Yeah. And so. What what do you do with that. Because that in some ways and I know we'll always get to hope because you guys are good at that. You're very good. Both of you. but it can feel as I'm listening Like I can't solve that in three weeks.

Brad Aldrich 00:09:59  You can't.

Kate Aldrich 00:10:00  It's fair.

Brad Aldrich 00:10:01  But you can start, right? Absolutely. The. The first thing I would say is, yes, we can get stuck going. Yep. You're right. I don't have anyone who knows me. But then I would turn the question around and go who are the people that I actually really know. And what do I do to give that like. Because my guess is if you're in this place of nobody really knows me, there's probably not a whole lot of people that you're attuned to either.

Lindsey 00:10:30  Oh so really good.

Brad Aldrich 00:10:31  How do you how do you grow that?

Lindsey 00:10:33  It's good to ask that question.

Brad Aldrich 00:10:35  How do you at least know who the safe people are to be attuned to? Right. Like, because sometimes you're giving a ton and not getting anything back. That that's a whole different problem.

Lindsey 00:10:45  There's no well in that water, right? Yeah.

Brad Aldrich 00:10:47  So then it's it's how do you build a relationship?

Lindsey 00:10:51  Wow. Sorry.

Speaker 5 00:10:52  That's okay. That's okay. I guess there's.

Kate Aldrich 00:10:54  Water and a.

Speaker 5 00:10:55  Well. There's water.

Lindsey 00:10:55  In a well.

Speaker 5 00:10:56  Somehow. Go ahead. Brad.

Brad Aldrich 00:10:58  No, but how do you build a relationship? How do you see some people that are like, wow, you know what, I, I actually want to try to build this place of my being attuned to them in a place of eventually it's going to be reciprocal.

Kate Aldrich 00:11:15  I would just I would argue with your one point, okay. And people seem to like when we do that. So you said, though, if I'm sowing in a ton and not getting any back out, that's where we got the well comment like that, that, you know, that has pitfall.

Kate Aldrich 00:11:32  What I'm hearing you say is that has pitfalls of its own. Yet I do know I've worked with people where they really are sowing into other people but aren't getting much back. It doesn't always mean I think it they don't know what their expectations are, right? What am I expecting back? Right? I'm sowing into you because I love you. But I also hope that you'll sew into me the exact same way, right? Which is what we tend to. We give what we want. Correct. And, you know, I have to say, you're sowing into someone who's different from you. Like, that's not necessarily. I mean, we could go into the five love languages. That's his whole premise. Right? But you also don't know their story and how they think they are seeing and hearing you. So there's also a lot of translation issues. And there might be sometimes you're sewing into someone that maybe you should move on from that they really cannot. So back, but sometimes I work with a lot of women and it really is lost in translation.

Kate Aldrich 00:12:37  And I have to talk a lot about what are you expecting from that person? And do they know those expectations, and are those expectations even realistic?

Lindsey 00:12:46  I do find in working with people with relationships, the the lack of taking that step to actually express your needs or your desires and allowing them to respond in a healthy way. But so often we just isn't it obvious. I ask them to do stuff all the time, or isn't it obvious? I ask them lots of questions, but they don't ask me. Instead of. And I think that can be something here in this loneliness I'm hearing. Like, is there a place to say, you know, am I taking steps right to telling someone I actually would desire connection? Or I would love to, you know, share my life more, whatever that looks like. And being more explicit about it.

Kate Aldrich 00:13:32  I think that and then I think, can I get can I take steps towards a version of myself that honors? If that person can't meet me there, then perhaps that's because that's the best they can give at that point, not because they don't care about me.

Speaker 5 00:13:53  I love that.

Kate Aldrich 00:13:54  Yeah. I don't know, I know with our dearest friends, like, I tried to extend a lot of grace. I wouldn't even say grace, kindness in that area. If I extend a. Hey, I'd love to do this with you. I'd love to hang out if they can't. Those people have earned my trust that it's not about me, but it's about what they've got going on in life. And I actually want people to be able to say no. I mean, we don't like it, but I want them to. Yeah, yeah. Right. So I do think there's a piece of can I move towards health where I can honor that person in. Okay. Well, that's not because they're trying to hurt me. That's because that's what they can do or give.

Brad Aldrich 00:14:30  I guess I would ask the question, if you're sitting here feeling lonely. Who are the people that you could actually go and tell that to. And why haven't you.

Speaker 5 00:14:42  Oh that's a good question.

Speaker 5 00:14:44  Just fine.

Lindsey 00:14:48  I'm just gonna let that sit. Say it again Brad.

Brad Aldrich 00:14:51  Just. Yeah. If you're feeling lonely if you can recognize it. Like Kate was saying, feel it in your body. I am feeling lonely. And you feel that. Are there people in your life that would take care of you, would be there for you if you told them? Yeah. And my guess is some of you have those people. It's just we haven't told them. And there's reasons we haven't. I want to be I want to honor that. There are reasons why you haven't said that.

Speaker 5 00:15:19  For you in the past.

Brad Aldrich 00:15:20  You've been let down in the past. Yeah, all kinds of stuff. But I think that is the place of, like. Okay, well, I have been giving to this person a lot. Maybe I can actually say, you know, I'm feeling really lonely. Ken, is there a time we can hang out or is there. You know, I just wanted you to let you know I'm not expecting anything from you, but I'm feeling this, right? Like even that.

Lindsey 00:15:43  I think it's so good.

Kate Aldrich 00:15:45  Nothing else. Can you hold it with me?

Speaker 5 00:15:46  Can you hold it?

Kate Aldrich 00:15:47  Can you pray with me about it? Like, whatever.

Lindsey 00:15:49  Just somebody know.

Brad Aldrich 00:15:50  Somebody know, right. Because that's the attunement piece again. Somebody knows that makes you a little less know. Yeah. Lonely.

Lindsey 00:15:57  And I think that that's, What you guys are saying is really good. Because loneliness can be such a it can be paralyzing or encompassing. All encompassing. We feel very stuck and we start to get crazy thoughts in our head. And I love that what you're saying. Offering kindness to others. They're not doing this to us on purpose. If they're basically trustworthy relationships. but there is a point, and I think most people can take that step to say, okay, I'm going to take a step here. And, and reach out to somebody and just share where I'm at.

Speaker 5 00:16:36  Exactly.

Lindsey 00:16:36  And it's not going to turn into this miracle the next day. Sure. But it's taking a step towards connection which is what we want.

Speaker 5 00:16:44  Correct.

Kate Aldrich 00:16:45  Exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 5 00:16:47  What if.

Lindsey 00:16:48  Your loneliness. Or for some people, I want to talk about a specific Category of people that are feeling loneliness or anticipating like this is going to be hard in this category, because of grief or loss. And I feel like that's a little bit unique.

Speaker 5 00:17:02  Maybe.

Lindsey 00:17:03  In all loneliness or some grief and loss. But I'm talking really specifically like, maybe divorce. So they're facing one of their first Christmases, you know, without that spouse.

Speaker 5 00:17:16  And.

Lindsey 00:17:17  All that comes with that. I'm thinking death, right. they've lost a close friend, family member or something like that. I'm thinking, maybe the loss of just even moving location, a huge grief, like, they're just literally physically not near a single person. Sure. Different. Obviously, that's different than death. But there are some significant things here. how would you help those people face the holidays? And, Yeah, just think about that a little bit ahead of time. What what are some of the steps you would encourage them to take?

Brad Aldrich 00:17:50  I'm going to borrow the definition of grief from Brené Brown.

Brad Aldrich 00:17:55  She writes about this in Atlas of the heart, which is a great resource. she talks about, grief as understanding it, as the feeling that we get when we lose our expectations. And so if you, you know, talking about divorce or move or any of those kind of things, we had expectations about what this time was supposed to look like and it's not. Yeah. And that's where grief comes from. And that explains a whole lot of things. That's why we don't feel grieved over, you know, tragedies that we see on the news because we didn't have any expectations for those people. We can feel the oh my shock, the loss, the, the, you know, but.

Speaker 5 00:18:41  We're not very sad for them.

Brad Aldrich 00:18:42  Right. We're not feeling that specific grief emotion because we didn't have any expectations. The grief comes up at Christmas because we had expectations for them. We were supposed to be together then. They were supposed to be here. We were like, this is what it was supposed to look like.

Brad Aldrich 00:18:59  And so it's really normal. Yeah. And I think in some ways it's just expect it. It's okay that it's there.

Speaker 5 00:19:05  Yeah.

Kate Aldrich 00:19:07  I think I would add, you know, I was just sharing with Lindsay that, one of my favorite authors, Charlie Mackenzie, my daughter, and I got to go, do a meet and greet with him last night. And if you don't know, his book, The Boy, the mole, the Fox, the horse, and now his second book, The Boy and the mole, the Fox, the horse and the storm. You really should check it out. They're phenomenal and amazing. And he has worked through a ton of loss and grief to be able to to put those books out. And I you know, he was really talking about like, comfort. Right. You're going through something for the first time in a very different way. Whatever that loss is, It's okay for us. Like, well, it's okay for us to comfort ourselves, to find comfort.

Kate Aldrich 00:19:56  We as humans have a love hate relationship with it. Right. And I think the church as a whole also gives us kind of a warped picture of comfort, right? We say stay away from certain comforts. Yeah. These are okay when really the Lord.

Lindsey 00:20:10  Provide some guilt around it. Possibly. Or shame that we need it.

Kate Aldrich 00:20:14  There's a lot in between. There's a lot more in between than we allow us to think about. And, you know, he was talking about things like I found comfort in his dog who has recently passed away, but he was like he was a huge comfort to me. he, in his book, his one character loves cake. And he said, like, I love cake. That is a huge comfort. Right. Thinking about what are the things that bring me comfort and how can I include them in my in my life in a healthy way during this really hard time? Yeah. Because we need comfort.

Lindsey 00:20:47  We do need comfort. Yeah. And I think that's it's good to anticipate that and to to allow those needs for comfort to be met.

Kate Aldrich 00:20:57  Exactly.

Lindsey 00:20:58  That's really good. What are some other ways that people might think about that a slice of cake. Yep. Which I think we're not joking man. You might.

Kate Aldrich 00:21:06  A slice of cake sounds phenomenal.

Brad Aldrich 00:21:08  Yeah, it's a cake. You're, you know.

Kate Aldrich 00:21:10  Your favorite.

Brad Aldrich 00:21:11  Favorite Christmas movie?

Kate Aldrich 00:21:12  Yeah. Well, and that's the other thing he said, and I was like, this guy is my guy. He goes, I have a couple of movies I watch over and over, and I will watch them over and over for the rest of my life. and his favorite was Napoleon Dynamite. I was like, Lily was like, yes, we love that. but like, I think I always people always say, okay, so I have to look out at the world to figure out how to comfort myself. And I say, actually, you should look inward. How did God make you? So I will tell you how I find comfort. Warm things. So my favorite sweatpants and sweatshirt.

Kate Aldrich 00:21:41  My favorite blanket. My favorite cup of tea. My. I have a mug collection because I love hot beverages. Right? comfort for me. The fireplace sitting in front of the fireplace. Talking to my best friend. I have two who I consider to be my best friends. Talking to Brad. you know, it really is who I am and who the Lord made me. And he. He made me to love warm things. So that is where I find a lot of comfort. It doesn't have to be rocket science, and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Yeah. It's just who are you and what are the things you love that contribute and and are good? Giving light, life giving things and a good piece of cake is life giving.

Brad Aldrich 00:22:23  There you.

Lindsey 00:22:23  Go. Or a taco. That's my.

Brad Aldrich 00:22:25  Oh, there you go.

Kate Aldrich 00:22:25  Yo, a taco?

Lindsey 00:22:27  Yeah.

Kate Aldrich 00:22:27  For sure.

Brad Aldrich 00:22:28  The only thing I'm gonna add, because I do get to hear this from time to time, is there's this expectation almost around grief that the first year, the first Christmas, the whatever we all know is going to be really hard.

Brad Aldrich 00:22:43  But people don't expect the 12th one to be hard. And it is and it still is. And it's okay. Right? It doesn't matter if this is the first or the 50th. You know that you're feeling this. Well, it's hard.

Kate Aldrich 00:22:57  And.

Brad Aldrich 00:22:58  It's okay.

Kate Aldrich 00:22:58  Grief doesn't follow a line like we need to remember that. And I know all three of us sitting here have lost a parent. Lindsay and I lost our dads super close to each other. in time, they didn't know each other. And yet I don't know about you, but for grief. Yes, there's that initial. But then for me, it's like I'll see something that reminds me of my dad, and it just it comes over you in like a wave. And so, yes, the holidays are going to do that. It's going to bring things that remind you of and that's loss. But of that relationship of that expectation, as you said, Brad, that's gone. And it's okay. Right. We're going to feel those waves for the rest of our lives to some extent.

Kate Aldrich 00:23:42  Yeah, yeah. And and yes, there may be larger gaps sometimes between them, but there may also not be.

Lindsey 00:23:49  I always, encouraged and feel like it's, such a beautiful picture of our relationship with Jesus and kind of the space he gives us when in revelation, the chapter 21. I think it is where it says it talks about the new heavens and the new earth coming and that, you know, we come before the throne. It says that he will wipe every tear from our eye. And the thing that always, not always passed a number of years, I think about it, that is really impacted. Is that one of the final acts he will do before all things are made new is wipe tears. There are tears we're going to shed until the very last moment. And he doesn't shame us for that.

Brad Aldrich 00:24:34  They're not bad.

Lindsey 00:24:35  They're not bad.

Kate Aldrich 00:24:36  He was shedding them pretty close to the last moments.

Lindsey 00:24:39  Like we think we get to heaven. It's going to be like just amazing and all these things.

Lindsey 00:24:45  But it's just like our whole lives, right till the very end before we see Jesus. One of his final acts with us at that transition is wiping our final tears. And I think often we're like, I gotta move on. It's been 12 Christmases. You know, we might be at our 50th Christmas. And Jesus wipes his final tears from our eyes, and there's just so much kindness and space that he has for us to heal, that.

Brad Aldrich 00:25:12  So much of these feelings of grief that we almost have this idea that we're supposed to stop it, that it's bad, that we need to get away from it. But I think you were the one who used the analogy in, the verse. Jesus wept like there really is no reason he had to do that. If if I was Jesus in that moment, thank goodness I'm not right. But I know I'm going in to save his life. There was you could come in with a cape on and go, I got this. Everything's going to be fine, right? And he didn't.

Brad Aldrich 00:25:49  He stopped and he wept. Yeah.

Kate Aldrich 00:25:52  He felt he.

Lindsey 00:25:52  Didn't. And he didn't apologize for it?

Kate Aldrich 00:25:55  No. He joined the sisters in. Like in the community. And they felt what they were feeling. Yeah. And I think that's so vital.

Brad Aldrich 00:26:04  Correct.

Lindsey 00:26:04  And I'm hearing that from you guys. I think it's good that if some of the loneliness is connected to some specific grief and loss that we might experience to anticipate, we're going to feel grief. Yeah, we're going to feel that loneliness of that loss of the marriage or the loss of a child, whatever that is, and to anticipate and maybe prepare or make space for that and not figure out how can I get through Christmas without feeling that is what I'm hearing from these stories, but rather, how could I bring some comfort to myself? Correct. I'd love for people to sit down with Jesus. I think probably never done that and say, Jesus, help me identify. Like what are ways I could bring comfort to myself. Cause I think most people it's a very strident relationship with Jesus involving a lot of get with the program.

Brad Aldrich 00:26:56  With the program or. Yeah. Be happy.

Lindsey 00:26:58  Be happy.

Brad Aldrich 00:26:59  Buck up. There's this very I think American but Christian idea that says we can only accept positive emotions. Yeah.

Kate Aldrich 00:27:09  And and we can only do Uber healthy things, right. For comfort.

Brad Aldrich 00:27:13  And. Yeah. Very true. I'll go to the gym for comfort. Right. Kind of.

Kate Aldrich 00:27:17  Thing a.

Brad Aldrich 00:27:17  Salad, but no. So salads are not comfort. But I think I think we need to recognize and own the fact that hard emotions are there because God put them there, too. And we can remember that lament is worshiped, too.

Kate Aldrich 00:27:37  Yeah, absolutely.

Lindsey 00:27:38  It is.

Kate Aldrich 00:27:39  Absolutely.

Lindsey 00:27:39  Thank you guys so much. This is feels like kind of precious territory, sacred ground that we're talking about. is there any final words? Anything we missed? Any question you wish I would ask you?

Brad Aldrich 00:27:54  The only thing that I add is. And this is, I think, you know, I'm sure Lindsay, as a pastor, you see this? I know Kate and I get to see this.

Brad Aldrich 00:28:03  We get to have this inner space with people that we hear so often that people are lonely, and then they leave our inner space and they put the mask back on, and they talk about how busy they are. I think we need to recognize how many people are deeply lonely. Yes. And so if you are feeling lonely, know you're not alone. There's so many other people out there feeling lonely and would want deeper relationships. And I know, you know this crosses all genders. But I work with a lot of guys and I have guys all the time talking about how they wish their relationships were deeper. They wish they had actual deep men. Male friends. But they don't. And that sentiment I hear so often that I just want to encourage if you're feeling lonely this season. Look around. You're not the only one. And start building that coalition of maybe there's some people that you can connect, connect with.

Kate Aldrich 00:29:11  The only thing, the other thing I would add is from the other perspective, if you feel like you have that community around you that supports you, that's got you in those really tough moments.

Kate Aldrich 00:29:24  How about you look around and see? Right. Who who do you notice doesn't necessarily have anybody or has gone through a recent loss, whether that be, as we said, death, divorce, all kinds of things, loss of a friend, whatever it may be, and extend your table and your space to those people. I just think that can be a really life giving experience. We kind of get wrapped up in, you know, we're talking about the holidays. We get wrapped up in ourselves. Understandably, I honor that. But I would encourage you to look around and think about those people who could use an invite. Maybe it's not to your holiday gathering. Maybe it's out to coffee or something like that. Just.

Lindsey 00:30:09  I love, love, love love that. And I think that's a call to us as a community, whatever community we find ourselves in, to look around, inquire maybe of someone, maybe they say, I'm actually really good. Yeah. More than, you know.

Kate Aldrich 00:30:22  Money to.

Lindsey 00:30:22  Go to. Yeah, but. But to be those people. There's this beautiful practice in many African cultures where if you're eating a meal with them and maybe the African that you're with finishes first and you're still eating, they won't leave the table until you do. And I remember one of the first times sitting I went and sat with this guy, wonderful Zambian guy and he was almost done. I said, oh, can I join you? So we sat down and we're eating a lunch together, and he just sat there and he was done. We kept talking and talking. Finally I was like, Thomas, you can leave. And he goes, oh, I won't leave until you're done. Oh, and I thought, and I was like, well, why? Well, he's like, I don't want you to eat alone. And I thought, oh, that doesn't happen in my culture. But I thought, what a beautiful practice weekend. What a kingdom. Heart of Jesus practice to, welcome people to our table and to see a lonely person and think, oh, that's a little bit of an emergency.

Lindsey 00:31:27  Let me make a space in my life or table for them. So I hope that you do that if you're listening. Thank you guys so much. Where can people find you if they want to utilize your services, your coaching, your counseling, the whole deal?

Brad Aldrich 00:31:40  Sure, you can find everything on Aldrich Ministries. Com. You can find our podcast on at Still Becoming One on Instagram or Facebook and on your whatever podcast app you have. Just search Still becoming one. You'll find our weekly podcast there too.

Lindsey 00:31:59  Awesome. I will put all of that in the show notes, so if you're interested in listening to the podcast or going to their website and reaching out to them, you can just go to the show notes and everything will be right there for you. So thank you guys for being here. Really appreciate the way that you blessed us. We'll talk to you soon.

Speaker 1 00:32:20  Thanks for tuning in to the Pursue Reality podcast. Reality church is a local church in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. To learn more or get connected, visit us at.