PRP 48 | Secrecy that Transforms - Spiritual Disciplines Series

Secrecy might be the discipline we talk about the least—but need the most. In this episode, Pastors Lindsey and Connor dive into Jesus’ invitation to practice good works without applause or performance. They identify the warning signs of craving recognition, unpack how hidden obedience purifies our motives, and show how secrecy creates room for humility, freedom, and true intimacy with God. This episode will open up a whole new way of walking with Him that purifies our hidden desires and deepens our relationship with Jesus.

Resources:
You can hear Pastor Connor's Sunday sermon on Spiritual Disciplines here.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 00:00:09  You're listening to the new reality podcast From Reality Church. Each episode is a conversation about what it means to be real people pursuing a better reality in Jesus.

Lindsey 00:00:27  Welcome, everybody back to the reality podcast. It is really good to have you here with us. My name is Lindsay and I'm one of the pastors here at Reality Church, and I have with me the one and only Pastor Connor.

Connor 00:00:39  Hello everyone.

Lindsey 00:00:41  And I am super excited because number one, we are just going renegade because the last episode we said would be the last one on spiritual disciplines.

Connor 00:00:51  Just kidding.

Lindsey 00:00:52  We're and we're like, nope, we're we're doing a bonus episode. and we're just going to add another one because we feel like we want to. we are in a series called convergence and have been talking about spiritual disciplines, spiritual gifts, and the Spirit's presence in our lives. And, Pastor Connor, recently you preach a sermon on the spiritual disciplines. And it was, really good, very, very good. Very challenging for everyone, exciting and motivating.

Lindsey 00:01:26  but when you were preaching, you put up a list of spiritual disciplines, and I heard a ton of feedback of people coming to me saying, what is that one?

Connor 00:01:35  What's that one? What's that.

Lindsey 00:01:36  One? Discipline. Yeah. And that is secrecy.

Connor 00:01:40  Secrecy?

Lindsey 00:01:41  Yeah, yeah. And I, I told them you should go talk to Pastor Connor about that.

Connor 00:01:45  And then I said that was too many emails now. So. Yeah. So we decided to make a podcast.

Lindsey 00:01:50  Yeah. We decided let's jump on the podcast. Yeah. And help people. Because when we actually did in conversation, explain to people they're like, oh.

Connor 00:01:58  They were hungry for.

Lindsey 00:01:59  It. Yeah, they were very hungry for it. So yeah, we want to dig into it and just help you out. If maybe you're feeling drawn to this discipline specifically. And that is the discipline of secrecy. already I think it's intriguing because if you hear the discipline of prayer, you're like, okay, yeah, yeah.

Lindsey 00:02:17  Or fasting. Yeah, yeah. Scripture reading.

Connor 00:02:20  You kind of have an idea of what those are.

Lindsey 00:02:23  And then secrecy.

Connor 00:02:24  What in the world? I thought we were supposed to be secret. I thought, you know, the confessions episode. You're like, I'm not supposed to be secret at all. What the heck?

Lindsey 00:02:32  What is this? So why don't we start there?

Connor 00:02:34  Okay.

Lindsey 00:02:35  what is the discipline of secrecy? Help us.

Connor 00:02:38  Out. Yeah. So secrecy is, it's a model that Jesus showed us in a way to live our lives, but it's also an actual discipline. So it is. This is, there's a little overlap of other disciplines here. So service, you've probably heard a little bit, if you listen to that episode, some ideas of secrecy, but also generosity, you could throw in there, but it is doing an act, without like a kindness of generosity. A good work, like a good work. Yeah. It's good works that you do in secret that nobody else knows about other than you and God.

Connor 00:03:16  And you do this, in, in a way that is not about yourself. You're not posting on Instagram, you're not telling your spouse, your friends, or anything like that. and this is an interesting discipline. And you see Jesus do this. multiple times. We were talking before the podcast. Like he he said to others, like people would go up to him, be like, Jesus, who are you? And rather than going on the list of all the things that he is, he said, who do you think I am? Yeah. You see Jesus leaving scenes where he could have been the most popular, recognized, like even a point in John six where they wanted to make him king? Yeah, he goes and he leaves, or he heals people without, people knowing. And he lived this life of a.

Lindsey 00:04:02  He didn't put it in his Jesus newsletter.

Connor 00:04:04  Not in the Jesus newsletter. Nope.

Lindsey 00:04:06  I mean, the disciples did.

Connor 00:04:07  The disciples did for him. They they ran his Instagram page, too.

Lindsey 00:04:10  But this is actually even it's like, gospel writer. That said, there's so many more things that can't be accounted.

Connor 00:04:16  Oh my gosh.

Lindsey 00:04:17  And Jesus would do these things in secret. and I think two of the scripture like, not let your right hand know with your left hand.

Connor 00:04:24  Yes. That's a that's probably one of the main passages that I would go to on or.

Lindsey 00:04:29  Or the prayer like, don't pray in public, but go pray and.

Connor 00:04:32  Seek your secret place.

Lindsey 00:04:34  Yeah. Which for some people at that time, scripturally was a pretty big deal. Yeah. To be like a person of prayer and you'd pray publicly and they they started to make it pretty elaborate.

Connor 00:04:44  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:04:44  It's not I don't think we quite grasp how much of a it could be kind of a self-righteous act to be like, Oh yeah. They are just like the super prayer. Yeah. Street corner. Maybe it'd be a similar. Might be giving to the poor today or.

Connor 00:04:59  Sure. And it can even be, like I think of when you said that.

Connor 00:05:03  I think of Daniel who his his life was the same. You could use it in, like, pastor language on stage and off stage. Yeah. Like so if your prayer looks the same, in your bedroom as it does when you're at small group praying out loud like that's kind of the and this is a discipline so or what we say it we've been saying these are practices. Yeah. And so we would love to talk to you guys more about like how do you actually practice secrecy. Like how have you practiced secrecy or, or how should people maybe practice secrecy in, in, in their normal everyday life if this is intriguing them. Yeah. What are your thoughts on that?

Lindsey 00:05:42  Yeah, I think it, it, I think it can be those good works and that can be anything. Yeah. Giving, you know, buying someone a meal? Yep. Or prayer? Yeah. Even prayer. But you're not publicizing it. It is. The discipline is about the fact of not telling others, only allowing the father to know he knows and allowing him to affirm you.

Lindsey 00:06:08  because we do this right. It's like, oh, yeah, I was praying for an hour that, you know, I prayed for you for an hour this morning.

Connor 00:06:14  Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Lindsey 00:06:15  I probably didn't do it for an hour, but if we stretch it, or we just share, and that's not necessarily bad. But this is a practice where God calls us into to say, hey, I want I want you to to step into this practice of not publicizing and allowing the spirit to do a work through that.

Connor 00:06:34  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:06:36  in a way that is very purifying.

Connor 00:06:39  Yeah. Like, we're not anti, honor. Honor or.

Lindsey 00:06:43  Gratitude.

Connor 00:06:44  Or. Yep. Or gratitude or even sharing the things that. Yeah, God did. Like, if you're proud. Like, maybe the first time you ever shared the gospel with somebody or you, you felt the spirit leading you to do something. Like, we're not we're not saying that. But this is a discipline that.

Lindsey 00:06:59  Set aside discipline.

Connor 00:07:01  Yeah, it's a set aside to say like, ooh, there's something in me that oh, I got I gotta let God work, on me.

Lindsey 00:07:10  When our deeds will be known. And when our light will be noticed.

Connor 00:07:13  Ooh, it's so good. That is that it wraps it up. Because that. And I even heard, another genius, Tim Tebow. he he used to say. Because very public figure, but very, much a follower of Jesus. His dad actually told him, son, don't ever go up to somebody and tell them about your accolades and let them actually be the ones to to notice them. And that's what I feel like. That's what the Holy Spirit will do. Yeah. but so many times we have these insecurities that we want to tell people, this is who I am. This is what I've done. And to get this like, hey, like me, approve of me, see me, know me kind of thing, and.

Lindsey 00:07:56  It's beyond a just like a a healthy desire for being known or recognized or appreciated.

Lindsey 00:08:03  There's something you can feel it in yourself. So. So when we enter that place, what does God form in us? When we do good that no one else sees? Like what has been your experience of what's what's happening in our souls?

Connor 00:08:16  Yeah. Yeah, this this was a new practice for me. in the past year. And I had this sense of, pride. It was pride. so just like, hey, look at me. And look how great I am. Showboating a little bit. and then there was this insecurity of work to earn love, which played out in my human relationships. But if anybody has been following Jesus for a little bit, your human relationships have a pretty direct correlation to your relationship with God. And then and so it became became that, and for my fellow people pleasers out there, it actually, when I did this practice, it actually ripped away the, the, praises of man. And I was left with only the praises of God and him looking at me and saying, you're my son with whom I'm pleased, who I love, but well done, good and faithful servant.

Connor 00:09:21  And I know we're we're waiting to hear that at the end.

Lindsey 00:09:23  That's actually what our heart.

Connor 00:09:24  But that's what we want. That's why we do this practice. if you're somebody who, man, you've you've struggled maybe relationally with family and maybe you, you feel like you're unseen and known in love. Yes, community is a good practice for you. But at the end of the day, the the, the satisfaction we're looking for is to hear. That is to hear. Well done, good and faithful servant from the Lord. And so what it's shaped in, in, in myself and other people and help me practice is a sense of humility. that I'm not a big wig. I'm not a big shot. Like nobody's going to know about this.

Lindsey 00:10:07  This is right sized.

Connor 00:10:08  Yeah. Yes, it it yes, it brings us down to the human size. and then it makes my relationship right with the Lord. and it kind of just, like, sheds off this sinful, fleshy, puffing up my pride side of me, if that makes it humbles me at the end of the day.

Connor 00:10:30  But it it it prunes me like it says in John 15. Like it makes room for fruit in my life, if that makes. Does that make.

Lindsey 00:10:37  Sense? I love that it initially. It might feel a little pruning, but it's actually making room for the fruit that we long for. So what what are maybe some internal warning signs that we're a little addicted to recognition or we're desiring it in a way that maybe isn't helpful. Yeah. For us because I think sometimes I, I could see us going some different ways of people being like, oh, I know, I'm just the worst. I should never desire anyone to say thank you for anything. Which that's not what this is about.

Connor 00:11:08  No no no no no.

Lindsey 00:11:09  And that's an extreme. And then the other extreme being, I need everyone to see everything. So maybe to help us to sift through, we could talk about that. Like what's those internal warning signs that something's a little skew. Yep. Off kilter in our hearts. And this might be something like we're desiring recognition in a way that's not healthy.

Connor 00:11:29  Yeah. One on the extreme end of things a little bit, I would say we like we're in a culture that doesn't help us. and I was thinking about this the other day. but if you are somebody and there's, you know, no shame or judgment, but if you're somebody who uses social media to post about accomplishments, things that you've done everything about your life, actually there's nothing. It is almost the opposite of it's the exact opposite of secrecy and living in secrecy. so if you're somebody who always has to feels like and I've had those pulls and I'm, and I literally have to ask myself, why am I doing this right now? Literally just for likes, just so people can see that I, you know, did this in the gym or I did this with my family or whatever. Then then this is a good that's a, that's a warning sign, I would say. Yeah. The other one that's less apparent is I always say it's it's like if you have the attitude, this is my Connors words.

Connor 00:12:35  This was my warning sign and you have your own version of it. But if if I am doing something and I say to myself, gosh, if only people knew what I did. Yeah, gosh, if only people saw me help. That old woman across the street didn't me give $100 and pay for this person. Starbucks only. And and then if you find yourself always having to slip it in conversation. when I was talking about this after I preach, I, I was talking to somebody who was asking me about secrecy and they were like, you know, I'm intrigued with that one. And I was like, yeah, even you telling your spouse or your kids about things you do. And he goes, oh yeah.

Lindsey 00:13:20  Like I want, okay. I don't put it on social media. No, I don't go publicize to the world. But it's like there's still like, I need I need somebody to.

Connor 00:13:27  Someone to approve it. Yeah. And for you, you might feel like you need to get the approval of your kids, your approval of your spouse, approval of your small group to show that you're a decent Christian.

Connor 00:13:37  You you. Maybe you don't know how to pray super well, but you do good things and you're a good person. This secrecy practice will help you rely fully on God's approval for you. but those are some of the the if you're somebody who's like, should I do this or not? If you go, oh, that's me. Yeah. Of of all the things I just said, then that might be a good practice for you to do.

Lindsey 00:13:58  And I think to listen, to listen to yourself and kind of reflect as you're even hearing this.

Connor 00:14:05  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:14:05  That or you do something. And what if nobody knows about this ever. What's that emotion that comes if you're like, it's my right for people to know or I like you're feeling anxious about it. Like, I know I need people to know.

Connor 00:14:20  I feel it in my chest.

Lindsey 00:14:20  Yeah, I feel in my chest.

Connor 00:14:22  Even saying that literally makes me like.

Lindsey 00:14:23  Yeah, even just one person to be like, wow, good job. Yeah.

Lindsey 00:14:27  Like, then I think you should we should have some curiosity, like, maybe this could be really good and help again. It opens us up for intimacy with the father, of running to him and saying what? You saw it?

Connor 00:14:42  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:14:43  And. And your love and approval is enough. Really good. I mean, I'll tell you, this has been a hard one. I have a complicated relationship with praise.

Connor 00:14:55  Yeah, yeah.

Lindsey 00:14:56  Sometimes like it, other times. Very complicated for me. I don't love it. but I worked in a profession. International overseas missions. Where our entire funding model is giving yourself praise. Wo every good work you do, you put it in a newsletter and you tell people about it, and you need them to be impressed to the level that they will give you money. It was terrible. Like it, it is what it is. But there is moments where it's just like, and you we had to have things that we were doing that no one knew about And it would never go on the newsletter.

Lindsey 00:15:30  We'll never tell anyone just because it it could be toxic for our souls. For for people to just constantly be in. And that was unique for us. But it wasn't. It's not that different than the world today.

Connor 00:15:44  No, it's it's not. Because even in Christian circles, there was a popular, like trend video out series. It probably like 2012, 2015 called the I am second videos, where they filmed these incredible testimonies of, celebrities, athletes and stuff like that. And even testimony culture has become like, it's a beautiful thing, right? That's how we.

Lindsey 00:16:13  And we should share.

Connor 00:16:13  The blood of the lamb. And the word of our testimony is a beautiful thing, but it's it's the intention of the heart that God is really looking for. And so that's what this practice is. Even you were talking about the financial side of things. It's like, how much do I, I, I yearn for God's approval even over. Like you providing for me. Like or providing for myself.

Connor 00:16:38  You know what I mean? So. But you said something interesting. I've heard you say this. This idea of, like, praise and intimacy and this false idea of. Yeah, can you explain that? Yeah. I'm doing a terrible job setting you up for that.

Lindsey 00:16:52  But I, I think there is this thing of and we so we have this encouragement culture. Right. And gratitude all those things are so good. Very, very, very good.

Connor 00:17:02  Yeah. We're not throwing the baby out that don't hear us.

Lindsey 00:17:05  But there's got to be this lane. And I think sometimes we don't have healthy intimacy and connection in our life, and we replace it with people's approval and praise and attention and and it feels so hard for us because if, if we don't have intimacy with the father and with others and people that love us, no matter what we do, this will be very hard for us, very, very hard. And but what we've also done is instead of building actual intimacy with the father and intimacy with others, we think people's praise and approval of us is intimacy.

Lindsey 00:17:45  And it's not. We think people's approval and praise of us is connection, and it's not.

Connor 00:17:50  Yep.

Lindsey 00:17:51  And this will actually force us just to have human relationships.

Connor 00:17:55  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:17:56  With one another where we're accepted in love no matter if you do good works or not good works. And it's just this weird. And even people posting online, I'm like, man, you're searching for a false intimacy that is not. And you feel good. It kind of gives you the sugar rush. Yeah, of people's praise. But you don't actually want their praise. You want their love. You want their connection.

Connor 00:18:16  You want to be seen. Know that's the it's the desire of the human heart. I actually think this practice also. It does something when you are just connecting with the father on this, when it's just like the Lord sees you. I think it reaffirms your identity in him because I said this in the sermon. Spiritual practices do not earn your love. the father's love. He already loves you. This actually just opens you up to receive his love.

Lindsey 00:18:46  Yeah. All these open us up.

Connor 00:18:48  They put us in an environment to experience God. And when I did this in secrecy, it didn't matter what I did. Yes. The the the the things that people do are incredible. But I am reminded. Oh, it's not because I do this, that I am loved by the father. I am love because he sees me. He loves me. He's well pleased with me. I I'm his son. And so that's what this, this secrecy practice can do for you. So not to use I think as we kind of wrap up here, could we give. Maybe not obviously there secret so things that not we that we did. But what are some examples I think that would help some people of like I can even share, when I've heard people do before is during Christmas time. Yeah. Like finding a family like we do the Christmas tree kind of thing. Like that is a form of practicing secrecy where, you know, you are not going to be recognized by the family that you give that gift to or something like that.

Connor 00:19:48  so maybe it's it's giving a generous gift during this Christmas season that's coming up for Thanksgiving, where you're not publicly seen or, I know people who have bought a gift for family in need, giving it to somebody else to give and said, don't tell them that they that I gave it to you. That's a that's like a way of practicing secrecy.

Lindsey 00:20:08  Yeah. And I think anything like that, just if we ask God to say, hey, I want to practice this, we will find opportunities.

Connor 00:20:15  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:20:16  If you. And it can be anything you're driving through. I don't know the area where you live and you see someone that's begging for money or a meal, and you buy them a meal and you give it to them, and you just don't go home at night and be like, hey, I bought a homeless person a meal today.

Connor 00:20:32  Yeah. Why were you late? Don't lie. Just say I was practicing secrecy.

Lindsey 00:20:39  Practicing?

Connor 00:20:39  Yeah, yeah. The good one. The good one.

Connor 00:20:42  The good.

Lindsey 00:20:42  One. The good. Secrecy. And there is a bad secrecy.

Connor 00:20:46  Yeah.

Lindsey 00:20:46  Bad secrecy is hiding sin.

Connor 00:20:47  Yeah, we have a we have a episode on confession.

Lindsey 00:20:50  Yes, on confession. And we need to flip it. Right? Yep. We need to actually confess our sins more and maybe hide our good works.

Connor 00:20:59  Come on.

Lindsey 00:21:00  A little bit more. Let's. What we do is we tell all our good works and tell nobody any of our sins. Yeah. So let's let's get these straightened out. But Christmas would be a great time. Yeah. You hear a coworker is like, oh, I've always, I don't know, I love this sort of latte or something. And you just buy it that gift form, you just put it there and they're going to say, who did this for me? And you just think.

Connor 00:21:23  Oh, you are gonna fight that urge.

Lindsey 00:21:24  You're gonna.

Connor 00:21:25  Fight. Oh, it's so painful.

Lindsey 00:21:27  It's so painful.

Connor 00:21:28  It's I don't know.

Connor 00:21:29  I don't know who it is.

Lindsey 00:21:30  I had an encouragement to somebody, help, you know, bring your neighbor's garbage can back.

Connor 00:21:38  Their lawn if, I mean, it's gonna get cold out soon, but, like, you know, do do those.

Lindsey 00:21:43  Any good work?

Connor 00:21:44  Yes.

Lindsey 00:21:44  And you're gonna fight that urge to tell people and. But don't just fight the urge to tell people. Go to your father. Go to your father, go to your father and say, we did this together. Yeah. And I and just allow him to say I'm proud of you. Yeah I see it. And allow yourself to be like you seen it as enough. So good Jesus Father and Holy Spirit. You seen it is enough for me.

Connor 00:22:14  Awesome.

Lindsey 00:22:15  So. Well, I, I don't know, we're not going to get much feedback on this episode because no one's going to tell us if they did it or not.

Connor 00:22:23  There it is. Yeah.

Lindsey 00:22:24  But I hope this is really helpful for you as you listen.

Lindsey 00:22:27  Head into the holiday season if you're listening to this right when we release it. lots of opportunities, but any time of the year. This is great. to be people who practice in secret and allow our father to be the one who gives us the praise and approval that we ultimately long for. So I hope you come back next time for the Pursue Reality podcast.

Speaker 1 00:22:49  Thanks for tuning in to the Pursue Reality Podcast. Reality church is a local church in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. To learn more or get connected, visit us at.