From Obligated to Liberated

Summary

In this episode, Corey explores the reasons behind why we often say yes to things we would rather decline. He discusses the internal conflict many face when trying to maintain relationships and avoid conflict, and how this can lead to people-pleasing behaviors. Corey shares personal anecdotes and emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no in order to live authentically and prioritize one's well-being.

Chapters

• 2:37 The Struggle of Saying Yes
• 9:05 Embracing the Power of No
• 13:18 Living a Life of Authenticity

Transcript

corey strong (00:01)
Have you ever been in a situation where someone asks you to do something that you really, really dont want to do and you say yes, you agree to it. Have you guys been there? I know I have.

on so many occasions.

I almost feel like it's the very fabric of my existence before learning about boundaries and saying no. I just found myself always committing to so many things that other people wanted me to do. Um, events, weddings, parties, uncomfortable lunches. This is all before boundaries.

came into existence in my life. So I'm just curious if any of my listeners out there have felt that way. And if so, this show today is for you.

So we've all had that internal tug of war. You know, the experience when we feel compelled to participate in events and activities, we'd rather skip. And all in the name of maintaining harmony and a personal relationship with those people who are asking. It could be with friends, families, coworkers, the job, you just...

for some reason feel obligated to say yes. And I just want to know why is it that we do it other than just being gullible? You know, why do we say yes? I don't know. And like I said, we've all been there and it's, it's excruciating. So what made me want to...

present this topic is actually, and you may laugh about this, but I was at a massage therapy appointment and you know, I'm just lying there getting my muscles together and my massage therapist who is really great, but I won't tell you their name because we'll keep this private, but

They share it with me that they were invited to a bridal shower over the weekend. And, I don't know, massage therapists is a lot like me. We like to be at home or, you know, just kind of just chilling, doing our thing. But, they decided to go to the event and upon pulling up,

to the venue where the event was going to be held, my massage therapist noticed that it was in a really sketchy part of town. I won't say the city either because you know we don't want to shade anybody on this podcast anyway when they pulled up I guess the building

look like something out of seventies porn. Nowhere that I would ever want to step foot in. And it was kind of like a spa. So It just was kind of gross in my opinion. But anyway, they decided to bite the bullet and go in and participate with the

activities you know that were taking place now i don't know guys it was super cringy just looking at the photos of this place what would you guys have done what you have driven off which now i we have driven off like hell no i'm not going in there or what you have you know buckle down and like you know what this is my friend i'm

to go and be super uncomfortable, but I'll go and endure. I don't know what you guys have done.

I don't know if it's just in our DNA not to want to let people down, I just want to understand why do we say yes? I think it depends on who's asking you to

do a certain task also, you may not wanna let them down. It could be a difference between your friend asking you to, you know, go with them to pick up their mother from the airport when you'd rather be, chilling, watching one of your favorite shows. Then you maybe would be like, hey, no, I don't think I'll go. But what if your grandmother asked you? Would it change your mind? I think so.

And I think it does have a lot to do psychologically who's asking us to put ourselves in a position that is

And a few things that I feel come into play when we opt to say yes, when we really want to say no is number one, the fear of conflict. I don't know, are you guys the type that just don't want any conflict, no confrontation, kind of go with the flow? Then you are more than likely the type of person who will find yourself being in a situation where you are.

saying yes when no is really what you want to say. Also for those of you who desire acceptance, you know, want to be liked by others and feel, accepted.

But that too can be dangerous because leads you down a path of people pleasing it's just not good to be a people pleaser. And a lot of people who ask you to do things that they know you really don't want to do, use guilt to get you to say, yes, I recognize a lot of times

People will to you, And use guilt by means of getting what they want from you. You know, these people are crafty.

Reflecting on my college days. I recall attending a party at a friend's house. That was to put it mildly in a state of disarray I remember being offered food and drinks and I discreetly disposed of the food and poured the beverage into a nearby flower pot because

I don't know. just couldn't bring myself to drink out of a glass that probably 50 other people have drank out of. I'm super OCD when it comes to that. Like I have to clean my own utensils in order to use them. but then I thought about it, why didn't I just decline? Why didn't I just say no, thank you.

And I believe that is because there was an underlying fear of offending my friend or kind of being perceived as rude or, you know, snooty You know, sometimes people can be kind of off, it can be off putting to others when you don't accept

what they're offering you. And nobody wants to be known as the prude or, you know, he thinks he's too good to drink out of my glass as well. You know, it's a whole germ thing and I don't want to do it. I don't want to have to do it. I think it would have made me feel better.

declining the offer. I don't know.

So fast forward to today where I try to live more authentically.

I am happy to say that I don't say yes a lot. As a matter of fact, I may say no more than anything else that I say these days. And I don't know, for me, I just can't get enough of saying no. It makes me feel good. But listen, there are strategies that can help you live more authentically.

And the ones that I think are the most important is my all time favorite setting boundaries. if you have been a long time listener of this show, you know how I am when it comes to setting boundaries. And for those of you who are new, basically you're just understand and communicate your limits with others. You have to do that. You have to set the tone.

another thing you want to do is to practice assertiveness what this simply means is to express yourself, express your feelings and your decisions without aggression. You have to learn how to have a conversation. You can be really chilled and laid back when you tell people no, you'll be surprised. People will accept your answer.

for example, if someone, you know, can you help me move next week? Instead of you going, you know, I really don't want to help you move. And you could simply say, you know, I don't feel like it. I don't like moving people. And they'll just probably be.

Okay. And then you'll be done with it. I don't know. Try it. Another way I think that you can also start living authentically is by practicing self-reflection. Learn what really motivates you and align it with your values and start engaging

in conversations with your friends because if your friends and your family respect you, then they will respect when you say no. It's all about prioritizing your wellbeing and guys, it isn't being selfish. It's being

So I want to hear your stories about saying no, share those with me.

And I'll share those with the rest of our community. And I want to thank you all for joining me on this episode of the Corey podcast. If you found this discussion to be enlightening, please follow our podcast for more insights. make sure you subscribe to my Patreon. I have a welcome video over there. It's Corey strong. I don't know. They didn't have me listed.

really well on Patreon. I'm gonna have to talk to them about that. But go to the second page when you search for my name and you should find me there. But anyway, we'll have deeper conversations about these topics. in the meantime, share this podcast, share this lesson that you've learned today, and don't feel stuck in saying yes when you really want to say no. Okay.

Until next time, stay true to yourself and navigate life's obligations with authenticity. All right? So until next week, I'm saying yes to you guys. I'll see you, bye.