Your Therapist Needs Therapy 127 - Holiday Q&A

The internet has questions about holidays and boundaries, and I have …thoughts! Individual usage on these answers may vary! Jeremy answers questions this week about how to navigate the holidays, how to be better about boundaries, and why family gatherings are always a topic of conversation in therapy.

Struggling with your own boundaries? Finding yourself stuck in a burnout cycle? Join Jeremy for the “Burnout to Boundaries” retreat February 6th-8th in Princeton, WI! We will learn how to effectively set and enforce boundaries, we will let our nervous systems rest, we will eat good food and we will leave feeling energized to get out of that burnout cycle! Click the link for more details and to sign up!

As always, Jeremy has all his practice info at Wellness with Jer, and you can find him on Instagram and YouTube. To show your love for the show you can pick up some merch! We appreciate support from likes, follows, and shares as well! None of my online work would be possible without my media maven Kenny, so check out their work as well at kenlingdesign.com

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Podcasts about therapy do not replace actual therapy, and listening to a podcast about therapy does not signify a therapeutic relationship.

If you or someone you know is in crisis please call or text the nationwide crisis line at 988, or text HELLO to 741741. The Trevor Project has a crisis line for LGBTQ+ young people that can be reached by texting 678678.

Transcript

Yo, yo, yo, what's up everybody?

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Welcome to another episode of Your

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Therapist Needs Therapy.

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Only a few more episodes left of twenty

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twenty five.

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Whenever a podcaster is not feeling

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scheduling guests, we do a Q&A question,

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a Q&A question.

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It's the end of the year, folks.

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We do a questions and answers episode.

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Always fun.

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Honestly, this is my ideal podcast.

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If I could do like a live call-in

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show,

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I would do that because that's what I'm

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actually trying to do,

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which is help people with their

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circumstantial, context-based questions.

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As much as I like psychoeducation and like

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riffing and normalizing mental health,

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Q&A is kind of my bread and butter

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because that's sort of what a live therapy

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session is.

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So we've got twenty-ish questions we've

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collected from various interwebs

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interactions.

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Mostly holiday themed.

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I think all holiday themed.

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So let's hop to it.

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Hooray.

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My family acts like any boundary is quote

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unquote a disrespect.

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How do I not crumble under the guilt?

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This is a great question.

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Very common experience.

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The guilt is the point.

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Oftentimes,

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whoever in a family system is the first

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person to set boundaries or the person to

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even identify that boundaries need to

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exist where they do not is identified as

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the problem.

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And so they're not guilting you for

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setting the boundary or they're not

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guilting you over the boundary that you're

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trying to set.

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They're guilting you for having boundaries

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at all,

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which is generally a sign of a family

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that has enmeshed boundaries or they're

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just enmeshed,

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which means they're upping each other's

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business too much.

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The boundaries are messy because they're

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too involved.

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And so that creates its own sort of

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unique family issue.

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Holidays bring out a lot of this stuff.

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I think I talk about it.

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I'll talk about it later,

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looking ahead at one of the other

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questions.

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The idea of family of origin gatherings,

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of going to see extended family,

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getting together with all your siblings,

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et cetera.

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I think in terms of a family system,

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that's how we talk about it in this

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field, is an ecosystem.

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And when one...

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member of an ecosystem leaves the

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ecosystem,

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the ecosystem remains largely intact.

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And so when that one member comes back

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to the original ecosystem,

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that ecosystem still exists predominantly

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the way it did.

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And so

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There's a lot of unspoken pressure just in

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sort of human social interaction and

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parental familial intergenerational

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dynamics that make you want to act a

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certain way and fill a certain role.

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And that can be really hard and wanting

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to do something different or set a

00:03:17.175 --> 00:03:19.478
boundary for some type of different

00:03:19.518 --> 00:03:20.177
interaction

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means that the other members of the

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ecosystem would need to look at their

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actions.

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And that's something that just a lot of

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people don't want to do.

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It's uncomfortable.

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It's unpleasant.

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They're happy with their delusional

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approach to it.

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Whatever it is, again,

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the guilt is their point.

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Guilt is not a great motivator.

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It is.

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Guilt is a great motivator.

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Guilt is a poor decision maker.

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And so looking in terms of like, yeah,

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what do you want to do?

00:03:53.276 --> 00:03:54.235
What are you feeling guilty about?

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Guilt as a sign of like,

00:03:55.977 --> 00:03:58.098
I've done something against my ethics

00:03:58.618 --> 00:03:59.318
might be helpful,

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but this sounds like

00:04:01.498 --> 00:04:02.639
you're doing something against somebody

00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:04.520
else's expectations and we can't be

00:04:04.602 --> 00:04:06.543
responsible for other people's

00:04:06.622 --> 00:04:07.204
expectations.

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We can only be responsible for our own

00:04:09.185 --> 00:04:10.887
and to reduce some of that guilt is

00:04:10.907 --> 00:04:12.687
going to be setting your own intentions.

00:04:12.728 --> 00:04:13.908
What do I want to get out of

00:04:13.949 --> 00:04:14.489
this holiday?

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What do I want to get out of

00:04:15.950 --> 00:04:17.072
this family interaction?

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And those are the parts that I'm going

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to hold space for.

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That's where I'm going to put energy

00:04:20.593 --> 00:04:24.317
towards and the rest is extra or may

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not need to happen or maybe something

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we're specifically working to avoid.

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And that's okay, right?

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Your family will be happy to get

00:04:32.031 --> 00:04:33.750
some version of you and the families that

00:04:33.850 --> 00:04:34.112
aren't,

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the families that are gonna complain will

00:04:35.612 --> 00:04:36.672
complain no matter what,

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even if you give them everything they ask

00:04:38.593 --> 00:04:38.872
for.

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If a family thrives on drama,

00:04:40.593 --> 00:04:42.533
if a family has poor boundaries,

00:04:42.552 --> 00:04:44.494
they're going to make drama anyways,

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which is why we do not set our

00:04:46.033 --> 00:04:47.595
expectations on other people's

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expectations.

00:04:49.074 --> 00:04:51.295
But yeah, I mean, as singular,

00:04:51.396 --> 00:04:52.076
any boundary,

00:04:52.136 --> 00:04:54.576
any expectation is disrespectful,

00:04:54.795 --> 00:04:56.377
is in meshed family.

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We're not real interested in participating

00:04:59.177 --> 00:05:00.158
in those family dynamics,

00:05:00.177 --> 00:05:01.057
set your own boundaries.

00:05:01.843 --> 00:05:03.543
Make sure you understand that boundaries

00:05:03.584 --> 00:05:04.966
are for you, not for other people.

00:05:05.026 --> 00:05:06.406
So your boundary is what will I do

00:05:06.447 --> 00:05:08.968
when other people behave a way that I

00:05:08.988 --> 00:05:09.649
don't want them to?

00:05:09.870 --> 00:05:10.889
We can't control other people.

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We just control ourselves.

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Oftentimes the boundary is going to be

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time-based.

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How long are you staying?

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How are you interacting with something

00:05:17.795 --> 00:05:19.538
that you don't want to be interacting

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with?

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Great, great question.

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Very common.

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I talk about this a lot in the

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month of November and December in my

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practice.

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Question two has to do with religious

00:05:30.254 --> 00:05:31.535
trauma, one of my specialties.

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How do I politely tell my evangelical

00:05:33.737 --> 00:05:35.398
relatives I'm not sending my kids to

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church with them?

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Just like that.

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That's lovely wording already.

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Yeah, no,

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I'm not going to send my kids to

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church with you.

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No, we don't go to church.

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We don't think it's developmentally

00:05:45.826 --> 00:05:47.208
appropriate to tell a four-year-old that

00:05:47.228 --> 00:05:47.829
they're going to hell.

00:05:49.550 --> 00:05:51.752
That is technically polite,

00:05:51.812 --> 00:05:53.233
although it might start some drama.

00:05:54.963 --> 00:05:55.262
yeah, no,

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we're not going to go to church.

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Nah, we don't send our kids to church.

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We're not interested in exposing them to

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that.

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We're not comfortable with that.

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Yada, yada, yada.

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I don't, your explanation is unnecessary.

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The fact that that is not how you

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want to parent your child is enough.

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And people will get on board and do

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that,

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or they don't get access to your kid.

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And like, I don't know, that's polite,

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right?

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Like,

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Similarly,

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this riffs off of sort of the first

00:06:23.451 --> 00:06:24.911
question here is like having a boundary is

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not disrespectful.

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Having standards or expectations for how

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you want to raise your kid.

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If you want to defend it, which again,

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I don't think you have to.

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I do not think you need to justify

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saying no to something.

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You can just say no.

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But if you want to justify it,

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I mean, developmentally speaking,

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evangelical, I'm going to.

00:06:47.665 --> 00:06:49.365
evangelical is going to have some version

00:06:49.406 --> 00:06:51.305
of hell and internal punishment for a

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finite crime is not a system of morality

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um jesus didn't exist the bible's written

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out of order again i can give you

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the whole deconstruction thing but i think

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um it's not developmentally appropriate is

00:07:03.189 --> 00:07:05.870
a good science-backed one that your

00:07:05.910 --> 00:07:07.891
evangelical family won't understand so

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again like i think

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I think providing an explanation opens

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more drama than just being short and

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sweet.

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You, you asked polite, does it matter?

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I think it just needs to be firm

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without being mean.

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And they're not gonna,

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they're not gonna understand your

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explanation.

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Cause that sounds like they have a

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different belief system than yours, but.

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The profession that is most likely to

00:07:32.531 --> 00:07:34.432
abuse a child is a religious leader.

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It's not safe to go to church.

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I'm sort of on the side of things,

00:07:39.353 --> 00:07:42.153
and I think this isn't angsty of me.

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I think the longer I do this work,

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the more I see religion is just straight

00:07:49.255 --> 00:07:50.237
up harmful.

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This is not...

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The exception,

00:07:54.774 --> 00:07:56.795
the system is designed to harm people.

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And so there isn't a safe or healthy

00:07:59.036 --> 00:07:59.898
way to engage with it.

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I get that there are people out there

00:08:01.298 --> 00:08:02.439
who have maintained their faith,

00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:04.980
who have some sort of personal

00:08:05.081 --> 00:08:06.983
relationship with some sort of personal

00:08:07.043 --> 00:08:08.084
version of their God,

00:08:08.163 --> 00:08:09.485
and they find the organization around to

00:08:09.504 --> 00:08:09.884
be helpful.

00:08:10.264 --> 00:08:11.286
I just don't think it is.

00:08:11.565 --> 00:08:14.367
I think data and statistics would point to

00:08:14.588 --> 00:08:15.149
religion,

00:08:15.228 --> 00:08:16.970
organized religion as a harmful thing.

00:08:18.154 --> 00:08:20.615
And especially evangelicalism in America,

00:08:20.634 --> 00:08:25.375
like there's a pastor or youth minister or

00:08:26.036 --> 00:08:28.637
teacher at a religious school or Sunday

00:08:28.656 --> 00:08:29.677
school teacher or whatever.

00:08:30.377 --> 00:08:32.658
Religious leaders are most likely to harm

00:08:32.697 --> 00:08:34.498
children and there's one arrested pretty

00:08:34.518 --> 00:08:35.357
much every single day.

00:08:35.857 --> 00:08:38.979
So yeah, no, if your kid isn't there,

00:08:40.259 --> 00:08:41.678
normally they don't need to go just

00:08:41.719 --> 00:08:45.340
because it's a Christian rescreen of a

00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:46.179
pagan holiday.

00:08:47.884 --> 00:08:48.124
Again,

00:08:48.443 --> 00:08:49.946
I think that will upset your family.

00:08:50.145 --> 00:08:51.826
So I would just say, no,

00:08:51.846 --> 00:08:52.868
we don't send them to church,

00:08:52.888 --> 00:08:53.587
so we're not going to send them to

00:08:53.607 --> 00:08:54.129
church with you.

00:08:55.028 --> 00:08:55.809
They don't go to church with us,

00:08:55.830 --> 00:08:56.669
they're not going to go with you.

00:08:58.192 --> 00:08:59.753
We're not interested in that this holiday

00:08:59.793 --> 00:09:00.052
season.

00:09:00.092 --> 00:09:03.495
No thanks.

00:09:03.514 --> 00:09:05.136
What do I do when my family uses

00:09:05.297 --> 00:09:07.658
Jesus wants us all together as a weapon

00:09:07.697 --> 00:09:10.841
to force holiday attendance?

00:09:10.860 --> 00:09:12.142
Jesus also wants you to give all your

00:09:12.182 --> 00:09:13.363
money away to the poor.

00:09:13.462 --> 00:09:14.082
Are we doing that?

00:09:14.383 --> 00:09:15.183
Jesus wants you to

00:09:17.092 --> 00:09:20.394
Clothe the unclothed, house the unhomed,

00:09:20.634 --> 00:09:22.635
and welcome the alien into your house.

00:09:22.676 --> 00:09:23.277
Are we doing that?

00:09:23.297 --> 00:09:27.919
Probably not.

00:09:27.940 --> 00:09:29.000
Jesus isn't real.

00:09:32.442 --> 00:09:35.144
Give them the recently released Richard

00:09:35.163 --> 00:09:35.945
Carrier book,

00:09:36.384 --> 00:09:38.666
which is an updated take on the academia

00:09:38.686 --> 00:09:41.648
surrounding whether or not Jesus existed

00:09:41.668 --> 00:09:42.849
as a historical person, which...

00:09:44.285 --> 00:09:47.369
academic uh current consensus is i

00:09:47.389 --> 00:09:49.289
wouldn't say consensus uh current good

00:09:49.350 --> 00:09:51.812
scholarship is no he didn't he is a

00:09:51.873 --> 00:09:56.275
myth um and what's written in the gospels

00:09:56.456 --> 00:10:00.480
is taking paul's writings and adding a

00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:02.621
myth to it and paul's pretty

00:10:03.826 --> 00:10:05.147
in the bible that you have in your

00:10:05.187 --> 00:10:07.349
house a new testament niv or whatever

00:10:07.389 --> 00:10:09.650
you've got lying around paul says he

00:10:09.671 --> 00:10:10.932
didn't meet jesus he didn't talk to

00:10:10.951 --> 00:10:13.573
anybody who met jesus it's all dreams and

00:10:13.614 --> 00:10:19.139
visions so jesus wants us all together

00:10:21.061 --> 00:10:25.024
okay yola pookie wants to kidnap the

00:10:25.043 --> 00:10:26.625
naughty kids in finland are we doing that

00:10:28.166 --> 00:10:30.467
the coca-cola bears want a can opener i

00:10:30.508 --> 00:10:31.109
don't know like

00:10:32.573 --> 00:10:34.474
Hansel and Gretel want to see their

00:10:34.514 --> 00:10:35.215
parents again.

00:10:35.835 --> 00:10:38.534
Mythical figures don't get to dictate our

00:10:38.575 --> 00:10:39.115
lives.

00:10:39.716 --> 00:10:42.296
Spider-Man wants rent control and a job

00:10:42.316 --> 00:10:44.576
that will pay well beyond newspaper

00:10:44.596 --> 00:10:46.937
photographer.

00:10:46.976 --> 00:10:47.476
What are we doing?

00:10:47.897 --> 00:10:48.636
That's not a reason.

00:10:49.597 --> 00:10:52.717
Jesus wants us all together.

00:10:52.758 --> 00:10:53.018
Okay.

00:10:55.619 --> 00:10:56.318
What a weird thing.

00:11:01.376 --> 00:11:03.219
My dad says my queerness is a phase

00:11:03.259 --> 00:11:04.000
every holiday.

00:11:04.059 --> 00:11:05.421
How do I not lose my shit?

00:11:05.961 --> 00:11:08.364
I don't... Why not lose your shit?

00:11:08.384 --> 00:11:14.490
That sounds reasonable.

00:11:15.311 --> 00:11:17.653
I think there's this scales.

00:11:18.133 --> 00:11:19.455
There's a spectrum, obviously.

00:11:19.534 --> 00:11:19.794
There's...

00:11:21.322 --> 00:11:22.943
because I know some people in my age

00:11:22.984 --> 00:11:23.924
range who are queer,

00:11:23.965 --> 00:11:26.726
whose parents still say some unhinged

00:11:26.788 --> 00:11:27.327
things,

00:11:27.768 --> 00:11:29.429
and they've been with their partner for

00:11:29.529 --> 00:11:31.471
over a decade and are raising kids

00:11:31.510 --> 00:11:31.951
together.

00:11:32.511 --> 00:11:33.832
Their parents don't mean it.

00:11:33.893 --> 00:11:37.976
They're just so old and just can't wrap

00:11:37.996 --> 00:11:39.378
their heads around, like,

00:11:39.778 --> 00:11:41.700
you'll meet a nice boy someday.

00:11:42.721 --> 00:11:43.100
They don't.

00:11:43.802 --> 00:11:45.562
So I think there's that version that is

00:11:45.623 --> 00:11:48.245
like, I'm not saying it's not harmful.

00:11:48.404 --> 00:11:49.787
I'm saying it's not malicious.

00:11:50.514 --> 00:11:53.437
and it's misguided at best.

00:11:54.038 --> 00:11:57.200
And, and again, like we can polite,

00:11:57.581 --> 00:11:58.620
I don't even want to use polite.

00:11:58.640 --> 00:11:59.861
I'm just using that because an earlier

00:11:59.881 --> 00:12:00.763
question is the word polite.

00:12:01.182 --> 00:12:06.626
We can firmly without being explosive,

00:12:07.567 --> 00:12:11.331
say you can stop saying that we've been

00:12:11.350 --> 00:12:12.831
together for however long.

00:12:13.613 --> 00:12:13.832
Right.

00:12:14.634 --> 00:12:14.813
Um,

00:12:17.642 --> 00:12:19.806
You can say things like your straightness

00:12:19.826 --> 00:12:20.427
is a phase.

00:12:20.506 --> 00:12:21.870
I'm excited for when you get to come

00:12:21.990 --> 00:12:22.129
out.

00:12:23.272 --> 00:12:24.916
You know, I don't know.

00:12:24.956 --> 00:12:27.480
Give to them polysecure or the ethical

00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:28.341
slut or whatever.

00:12:31.154 --> 00:12:33.035
I don't know how to unfuck your kink

00:12:33.397 --> 00:12:36.980
as, as a stocking stuffer.

00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:38.159
Those are some good books.

00:12:39.380 --> 00:12:40.142
Actually, you know what?

00:12:40.942 --> 00:12:41.663
This is an honest,

00:12:41.722 --> 00:12:42.604
those are all good books.

00:12:43.104 --> 00:12:44.345
That's a tongue in cheek gift,

00:12:44.404 --> 00:12:46.506
but like a forest euphoria has been on

00:12:46.547 --> 00:12:48.148
my, like everybody should read it.

00:12:48.227 --> 00:12:48.729
I loved it.

00:12:49.369 --> 00:12:50.169
It's really well written.

00:12:51.311 --> 00:12:53.832
And yeah, like if, if there's,

00:12:55.073 --> 00:12:56.195
if you want to engage,

00:12:56.215 --> 00:12:58.956
but not lose your shit,

00:12:58.976 --> 00:13:00.398
give them a book that says like,

00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:05.823
Being straight and monogamous is the quirk

00:13:06.183 --> 00:13:07.326
of human nature.

00:13:07.785 --> 00:13:10.248
That's not a default in any form of

00:13:10.469 --> 00:13:11.149
biology.

00:13:11.970 --> 00:13:13.611
So again,

00:13:13.951 --> 00:13:15.933
if they're not on board and they're

00:13:17.034 --> 00:13:18.956
pushing you to pretend that their social

00:13:18.996 --> 00:13:20.698
construct is the way to live your life,

00:13:21.687 --> 00:13:23.128
I think you can lose your shit.

00:13:23.168 --> 00:13:24.687
You could just not engage.

00:13:25.327 --> 00:13:26.469
I think you have to take into account

00:13:26.509 --> 00:13:29.750
like how malicious versus or antagonistic

00:13:29.789 --> 00:13:31.649
this is versus misguided.

00:13:31.690 --> 00:13:34.370
Are they open to engaging?

00:13:34.451 --> 00:13:36.572
Is there some willingness to learn?

00:13:36.731 --> 00:13:40.072
Is it old timey bigotry?

00:13:41.094 --> 00:13:45.575
Is it Nana who's got no functional memory

00:13:45.634 --> 00:13:47.475
and like we're not going to change

00:13:47.495 --> 00:13:49.416
anything because her short term memory is

00:13:49.436 --> 00:13:49.716
shot?

00:13:49.797 --> 00:13:51.017
Like, you know, I don't know.

00:13:51.928 --> 00:13:52.908
It's contextual,

00:13:52.948 --> 00:13:55.250
that's why therapy exists because we can't

00:13:55.289 --> 00:13:57.149
just give blanket responses to a question

00:13:57.169 --> 00:13:57.490
like this.

00:13:57.529 --> 00:14:00.530
But like certainly somebody dismissing

00:14:00.551 --> 00:14:04.652
your identity as invalid is a reason to

00:14:04.672 --> 00:14:07.393
lose your shit or just to knock out.

00:14:09.413 --> 00:14:10.653
Why do holidays make you feel like I'm,

00:14:11.354 --> 00:14:12.394
I knew this question was coming up.

00:14:12.514 --> 00:14:14.054
Why do holidays make me feel like I'm

00:14:14.115 --> 00:14:15.975
twelve years old again and powerless?

00:14:16.815 --> 00:14:19.495
Because your family system is an ecosystem

00:14:20.125 --> 00:14:21.966
And when a singular entity leaves an

00:14:22.027 --> 00:14:23.408
ecosystem and then comes back,

00:14:23.467 --> 00:14:26.429
the ecosystem exerts pressure on that

00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:28.610
singular entity to fall in line with the

00:14:28.630 --> 00:14:28.931
system.

00:14:30.631 --> 00:14:33.594
And that's just like dynamics.

00:14:35.615 --> 00:14:37.576
It's how we see living creatures interact

00:14:37.596 --> 00:14:38.115
with each other.

00:14:38.716 --> 00:14:40.337
So that pressure exists.

00:14:40.398 --> 00:14:41.298
If you're the oldest,

00:14:41.337 --> 00:14:43.600
you're placed in that oldest role.

00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:45.701
If you're the youngest, that middle child,

00:14:45.760 --> 00:14:46.041
that.

00:14:46.549 --> 00:14:47.750
So some of it might be birth order.

00:14:47.770 --> 00:14:50.412
Some of it might be gender norms that

00:14:50.511 --> 00:14:52.913
aren't relevant to where you're at in your

00:14:53.014 --> 00:14:54.094
development as an adult.

00:14:54.193 --> 00:14:57.515
It might be, I don't know,

00:14:57.696 --> 00:14:59.758
lots of weird things that can get exerted

00:14:59.798 --> 00:15:00.038
here.

00:15:00.077 --> 00:15:01.759
It might be praying before a meal.

00:15:01.818 --> 00:15:03.080
It might be whatever.

00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:03.779
Again,

00:15:03.820 --> 00:15:05.681
like you are an adult and your adult

00:15:05.701 --> 00:15:08.062
fully developed brain can make a full wise

00:15:08.101 --> 00:15:10.303
mind decision whether or not you want to

00:15:10.344 --> 00:15:11.344
participate in that.

00:15:13.706 --> 00:15:15.527
I do this stuff professionally and I talk

00:15:15.547 --> 00:15:15.886
about it

00:15:16.928 --> 00:15:18.168
I talk about holiday boundaries for like

00:15:18.230 --> 00:15:20.830
two months every single year because it's

00:15:20.870 --> 00:15:22.091
what comes up in people's lives.

00:15:22.910 --> 00:15:25.272
And I can do this pretty well for

00:15:25.312 --> 00:15:28.373
like twenty-four-ish hours.

00:15:28.432 --> 00:15:29.774
And I'm not saying that needs to be

00:15:29.813 --> 00:15:31.793
your goal and I'm not saying you can't

00:15:31.813 --> 00:15:32.254
go longer.

00:15:32.294 --> 00:15:34.195
I'm merely saying as somebody who does

00:15:34.215 --> 00:15:35.995
this professionally and knows a lot about

00:15:36.056 --> 00:15:39.017
it, it's still difficult to not do that.

00:15:39.076 --> 00:15:39.697
In my family,

00:15:39.736 --> 00:15:40.817
I'm the baby of the family.

00:15:41.337 --> 00:15:43.339
I'm the joker in a lot of ways.

00:15:44.839 --> 00:15:46.179
And my family is very sarcastic.

00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:46.559
And so

00:15:47.951 --> 00:15:48.892
I tend to try and be a good

00:15:48.912 --> 00:15:50.732
communicator and I don't find sarcasm to

00:15:50.753 --> 00:15:53.014
be a good route for that too often.

00:15:53.434 --> 00:15:54.534
And then when I'm around my family,

00:15:54.575 --> 00:15:58.537
especially my siblings, because I have,

00:16:00.296 --> 00:16:02.238
Real relationships with some of my family

00:16:02.278 --> 00:16:04.139
members and very superficial relationships

00:16:04.158 --> 00:16:07.101
with other family members that sarcasm is

00:16:07.142 --> 00:16:08.503
very comfortable to fall back into.

00:16:08.543 --> 00:16:08.883
So again,

00:16:09.384 --> 00:16:11.524
just normalizing that this is a thing.

00:16:11.585 --> 00:16:13.086
You cannot do it.

00:16:13.746 --> 00:16:17.190
I would say buddy system makes it easier.

00:16:17.610 --> 00:16:19.251
Whether that's other adult siblings who

00:16:19.272 --> 00:16:20.352
are aware of these dynamics and don't want

00:16:20.373 --> 00:16:20.913
to participate,

00:16:20.952 --> 00:16:23.534
or that's a partner or a spouse or

00:16:24.735 --> 00:16:27.759
your hometown best friend from ages ago.

00:16:27.798 --> 00:16:28.798
That might make it worse.

00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:29.419
I don't know.

00:16:30.234 --> 00:16:30.695
Because again,

00:16:30.735 --> 00:16:32.238
depending on how people fit into the

00:16:32.298 --> 00:16:32.938
ecosystem,

00:16:33.239 --> 00:16:35.482
but anybody who can disrupt the ecosystem

00:16:35.523 --> 00:16:38.086
with you, if we're swimming upstream,

00:16:38.147 --> 00:16:41.032
having other people going with us makes

00:16:41.052 --> 00:16:42.673
that a little easier and disrupts that

00:16:43.075 --> 00:16:43.895
flow of energy.

00:16:46.567 --> 00:16:47.147
That's why.

00:16:47.287 --> 00:16:47.826
And like, again,

00:16:47.886 --> 00:16:50.067
some of that is the way your parents'

00:16:50.087 --> 00:16:50.908
house smells.

00:16:50.967 --> 00:16:52.528
Maybe you're staying over.

00:16:52.548 --> 00:16:53.489
This is a Midwestern thing,

00:16:53.509 --> 00:16:55.029
but maybe you're sleeping in town.

00:16:55.070 --> 00:16:56.470
And so you're in your old bedroom again.

00:16:56.490 --> 00:16:58.811
Like there could be a lot of just

00:16:58.870 --> 00:17:01.150
literal triggers on making you feel twelve

00:17:01.191 --> 00:17:02.432
because there are things your brain

00:17:02.471 --> 00:17:03.471
experienced when you're twelve.

00:17:03.652 --> 00:17:06.633
And our brain does experience the passage

00:17:06.653 --> 00:17:09.114
of time, but our brain is like seasonal.

00:17:09.134 --> 00:17:10.894
So winter means something to our brain.

00:17:10.933 --> 00:17:12.654
December twenty second doesn't mean

00:17:12.674 --> 00:17:13.555
anything to our brain.

00:17:13.990 --> 00:17:15.411
I ran into something in calendar terms

00:17:15.431 --> 00:17:17.192
that thinks in sort of seasonal things.

00:17:17.271 --> 00:17:19.852
So it's winter and it's your bedroom.

00:17:20.011 --> 00:17:23.893
And you remember this thing happening when

00:17:23.913 --> 00:17:26.272
you were twelve because it's snow and cold

00:17:26.313 --> 00:17:27.893
and smell of cookies and blah, blah, blah,

00:17:27.913 --> 00:17:28.354
blah, blah.

00:17:28.394 --> 00:17:30.134
Like there's a lot of sensory input that

00:17:30.193 --> 00:17:31.953
may make you feel that way as well.

00:17:32.074 --> 00:17:34.355
So it's it's ecosystem.

00:17:34.434 --> 00:17:36.355
It's how family systems operate.

00:17:36.394 --> 00:17:38.634
But it's also some of the physical

00:17:39.355 --> 00:17:39.714
triggers,

00:17:39.734 --> 00:17:41.955
some of that stimuli from when you were

00:17:41.996 --> 00:17:42.655
probably that age.

00:17:45.623 --> 00:17:47.544
Great question.

00:17:47.983 --> 00:17:49.884
What's a good way to exit a conversation?

00:17:50.365 --> 00:17:52.464
A convo.

00:17:52.644 --> 00:17:53.506
Internet slang.

00:17:53.605 --> 00:17:54.066
I'm hip.

00:17:54.665 --> 00:17:56.026
What's a good way to exit a convo

00:17:56.046 --> 00:17:58.027
with a politically unhinged uncle who's

00:17:58.067 --> 00:17:58.987
causing a scene?

00:18:02.147 --> 00:18:03.608
I'm a fan of short and sweet in

00:18:03.648 --> 00:18:04.249
a lot of ways.

00:18:04.368 --> 00:18:05.869
I really like... Oh, yuck.

00:18:07.710 --> 00:18:09.471
Gross.

00:18:09.510 --> 00:18:09.851
Yikes.

00:18:09.891 --> 00:18:11.351
What a weird thing to say out loud.

00:18:13.071 --> 00:18:13.372
That's...

00:18:14.201 --> 00:18:15.902
Sounds like a thing you posted on the

00:18:15.922 --> 00:18:16.261
internet,

00:18:16.301 --> 00:18:17.722
not something you say out loud to people

00:18:17.742 --> 00:18:18.623
you supposedly love.

00:18:19.423 --> 00:18:20.344
Again, those are getting longer.

00:18:20.403 --> 00:18:22.204
I really like, oh, yuck, or ew.

00:18:23.865 --> 00:18:26.346
What a weird thing to say out loud.

00:18:26.386 --> 00:18:28.228
What an odd thing to be comfortable saying

00:18:28.307 --> 00:18:28.969
to a relative.

00:18:30.068 --> 00:18:32.530
I'm a fan of bringing back public shaming

00:18:33.111 --> 00:18:35.711
for things that are shameful, like racism,

00:18:36.172 --> 00:18:36.633
bigotry.

00:18:38.729 --> 00:18:40.970
Pretty big fan of calling out people who

00:18:41.049 --> 00:18:42.730
are not qualified to have the opinions

00:18:42.770 --> 00:18:46.432
they have, presenting them as facts.

00:18:46.451 --> 00:18:49.432
So, you know, contextually,

00:18:50.094 --> 00:18:51.614
that probably all matters for your

00:18:51.653 --> 00:18:52.234
situation.

00:18:52.674 --> 00:18:54.315
But, ew, yuck.

00:18:55.476 --> 00:18:56.115
Is fine?

00:18:56.896 --> 00:18:57.557
A little bit longer?

00:18:57.797 --> 00:18:57.957
Ugh,

00:18:58.497 --> 00:18:59.958
what an odd thing to say out loud.

00:19:00.817 --> 00:19:02.159
And then just walk away.

00:19:03.436 --> 00:19:06.298
um some of the like vitriol and i

00:19:06.318 --> 00:19:07.880
would say trolling behavior that is

00:19:07.940 --> 00:19:09.602
normalized on the internet and falls

00:19:10.382 --> 00:19:12.324
ideally falls flat and is called out and

00:19:12.364 --> 00:19:18.768
or shamed in um real life is because

00:19:19.067 --> 00:19:21.849
you can just leave right trolling behavior

00:19:21.890 --> 00:19:24.612
wants interaction it wants to feed off of

00:19:24.652 --> 00:19:27.294
something and so we can just uh kill

00:19:27.314 --> 00:19:29.395
that by not giving it any fuel

00:19:31.163 --> 00:19:32.525
So I would just walk away.

00:19:33.465 --> 00:19:34.625
I've talked a lot about this and used

00:19:34.967 --> 00:19:36.267
this example in other places,

00:19:36.307 --> 00:19:37.407
but my grandpa,

00:19:37.607 --> 00:19:40.069
who I'm fairly certain is undiagnosed on

00:19:40.089 --> 00:19:41.471
the spectrum somewhere,

00:19:41.550 --> 00:19:43.732
but he would just be gone for hours.

00:19:44.373 --> 00:19:45.453
And early in his life,

00:19:45.614 --> 00:19:47.154
early in my life, probably to go smoke,

00:19:47.194 --> 00:19:50.916
but he'd just wander outside, go outside.

00:19:51.096 --> 00:19:52.498
And then when we found him,

00:19:52.557 --> 00:19:53.919
he'd be outside and say he was checking

00:19:53.939 --> 00:19:56.101
the meter, gas meters outside the house.

00:19:56.121 --> 00:19:57.402
And it was like an unhinged,

00:19:58.041 --> 00:19:59.323
very unreasonable thing

00:19:59.951 --> 00:20:01.452
thing for how long he would be gone

00:20:01.472 --> 00:20:03.153
for and like just nobody ever called him

00:20:03.193 --> 00:20:05.836
on it and so i love that example

00:20:05.915 --> 00:20:08.538
it's just like you can just give any

00:20:08.617 --> 00:20:11.000
reason excuse and it doesn't need to be

00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:14.863
like accurate or reasonable and oftentimes

00:20:15.143 --> 00:20:16.624
if you have a family who is

00:20:16.743 --> 00:20:18.505
non-confrontational enough that's gonna

00:20:18.545 --> 00:20:21.386
work uh but you don't owe anyone an

00:20:21.426 --> 00:20:24.789
explanation quick and easy ones go go

00:20:24.930 --> 00:20:26.371
excuse yourselves go to the bathroom um

00:20:26.819 --> 00:20:28.240
Go check on what the kids are doing.

00:20:28.280 --> 00:20:30.281
Go see what the dog is up to.

00:20:30.422 --> 00:20:31.382
Yada, yada, yada.

00:20:32.383 --> 00:20:33.323
What's in your area?

00:20:33.363 --> 00:20:36.404
What's a reasonable excuse in your

00:20:36.505 --> 00:20:37.625
environment they could use?

00:20:37.644 --> 00:20:38.286
Then just use it.

00:20:39.885 --> 00:20:41.067
Just use your escape hatch.

00:20:41.207 --> 00:20:42.047
Figure out what they are.

00:20:42.367 --> 00:20:45.209
Big fan of dogs and pets in general

00:20:45.288 --> 00:20:49.330
and children and the weird neighbor.

00:20:50.010 --> 00:20:50.352
Whatever.

00:20:50.551 --> 00:20:51.271
Go check the meter.

00:20:51.971 --> 00:20:53.232
It doesn't need to be a good excuse.

00:20:57.474 --> 00:20:59.296
Is it okay to leave early from gatherings

00:20:59.336 --> 00:21:00.596
even if everyone makes it a whole thing?

00:21:00.695 --> 00:21:01.736
Obviously, yes.

00:21:01.915 --> 00:21:02.696
Big fan of that.

00:21:02.896 --> 00:21:04.457
I call it the holiday escape hatch.

00:21:04.616 --> 00:21:05.557
It is a great idea.

00:21:05.657 --> 00:21:07.557
Plan it out ahead of time before your

00:21:07.577 --> 00:21:09.318
trip, what's going to be available to you.

00:21:09.858 --> 00:21:12.039
Make plans to use it and then use

00:21:12.099 --> 00:21:13.680
it freely and wonderfully.

00:21:17.201 --> 00:21:18.801
Yeah.

00:21:18.821 --> 00:21:20.321
This is what boundaries work is.

00:21:20.362 --> 00:21:22.123
Enforcing your boundary is where's your

00:21:22.163 --> 00:21:22.942
time and energy going.

00:21:25.002 --> 00:21:26.584
I always regress around my siblings.

00:21:26.644 --> 00:21:28.786
How do I stay my adult self?

00:21:29.606 --> 00:21:31.628
Got some themes in these questions.

00:21:33.471 --> 00:21:34.632
When I'm gathering them from different

00:21:34.672 --> 00:21:35.051
sources,

00:21:35.112 --> 00:21:36.933
that's probably because my brain is like,

00:21:37.054 --> 00:21:37.894
what a good question,

00:21:37.933 --> 00:21:39.355
because I had some version of it already.

00:21:40.236 --> 00:21:43.259
Yeah, I feel like I've answered this.

00:21:46.561 --> 00:21:47.363
Also, you know,

00:21:48.222 --> 00:21:50.045
maybe the piece of this I didn't get

00:21:50.105 --> 00:21:52.007
into, but I hinted at is like,

00:21:53.257 --> 00:21:57.539
You can form new different formations of

00:21:57.559 --> 00:21:59.580
adult relationships with your siblings.

00:22:01.281 --> 00:22:02.603
The family member I get along with the

00:22:02.643 --> 00:22:03.564
most is my brother.

00:22:04.564 --> 00:22:06.746
And we're eight years apart.

00:22:07.226 --> 00:22:10.387
And it was probably easiest for us to

00:22:10.468 --> 00:22:13.630
recalibrate our relationship as adults

00:22:13.670 --> 00:22:16.192
because our age gap was so big growing

00:22:16.251 --> 00:22:16.332
up.

00:22:17.375 --> 00:22:19.057
relationship an eighteen-year-old older

00:22:19.096 --> 00:22:20.718
brother has with his ten-year-old brother

00:22:20.758 --> 00:22:22.538
is very protective and different than like

00:22:22.618 --> 00:22:24.961
what me coming out of college was like

00:22:25.060 --> 00:22:26.761
so my brother and i had an easy

00:22:26.801 --> 00:22:28.123
time with that we had a good relationship

00:22:28.143 --> 00:22:31.404
growing up um always we've gotten along

00:22:31.744 --> 00:22:35.967
and yeah but like that's that's possible

00:22:36.188 --> 00:22:37.949
it's work it's effort i'm in the midst

00:22:38.169 --> 00:22:38.348
of

00:22:39.644 --> 00:22:40.905
Some version of attempting that with one

00:22:40.925 --> 00:22:41.445
of my siblings,

00:22:41.506 --> 00:22:42.567
I have one sibling who I don't talk

00:22:42.586 --> 00:22:43.107
to.

00:22:43.708 --> 00:22:45.729
It's going to be different with different

00:22:45.769 --> 00:22:46.309
siblings.

00:22:46.730 --> 00:22:48.832
I think different family members are more

00:22:48.892 --> 00:22:49.632
amenable to that.

00:22:49.672 --> 00:22:51.333
Different family members are willing to

00:22:51.353 --> 00:22:52.753
put in the time and energy.

00:22:52.834 --> 00:22:54.915
Sometimes it is just logistical whether

00:22:54.955 --> 00:22:56.237
there's time and energy for that.

00:22:58.237 --> 00:22:59.698
You know, and you don't have to,

00:22:59.758 --> 00:23:00.999
I'm just putting that out there that,

00:23:01.038 --> 00:23:01.199
that,

00:23:01.338 --> 00:23:03.299
that helps if you don't want to regress

00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:04.580
and you don't want to play your childhood

00:23:04.621 --> 00:23:06.961
role to invest in like building a new

00:23:07.001 --> 00:23:07.201
role,

00:23:07.502 --> 00:23:09.064
the more people within a system who are

00:23:09.084 --> 00:23:10.744
willing to change that ecosystem,

00:23:10.845 --> 00:23:12.326
the ecosystem adapts.

00:23:12.766 --> 00:23:15.287
So it's easier with more people changing

00:23:15.346 --> 00:23:16.887
the ecosystem than just one person.

00:23:20.170 --> 00:23:21.290
Oh, this is a great one.

00:23:22.231 --> 00:23:23.852
How can I tell if I'm actually burned

00:23:23.972 --> 00:23:26.854
out versus just depressed and tired?

00:23:26.874 --> 00:23:27.634
Fantastic question.

00:23:28.577 --> 00:23:31.099
probably can't.

00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:33.861
The Venn diagram of symptoms there is

00:23:33.921 --> 00:23:34.461
pretty high.

00:23:35.162 --> 00:23:37.042
True clinical depression,

00:23:37.123 --> 00:23:39.183
diagnostically significant depression,

00:23:39.223 --> 00:23:40.605
how we're going to diagnose usually does

00:23:40.644 --> 00:23:41.665
have a timeframe.

00:23:41.705 --> 00:23:42.486
Diagnostically,

00:23:42.546 --> 00:23:43.926
it's going to have lasted for a couple

00:23:43.967 --> 00:23:44.407
of months.

00:23:44.968 --> 00:23:45.827
But like, I don't know,

00:23:52.368 --> 00:23:54.549
rent is still due and the world still

00:23:54.609 --> 00:23:57.731
sucks and nobody is thriving unless you're

00:23:57.751 --> 00:23:58.353
a billionaire.

00:23:58.452 --> 00:24:04.957
So yeah, very well could be burned out.

00:24:09.078 --> 00:24:11.540
How to tell is maybe less important as

00:24:11.661 --> 00:24:14.201
like what responses are available to you.

00:24:14.782 --> 00:24:17.284
Stress management and working through your

00:24:17.304 --> 00:24:18.565
depression is probably going to be

00:24:21.137 --> 00:24:22.198
I'm going to say easier,

00:24:22.238 --> 00:24:23.739
but understand this is coming from a

00:24:23.778 --> 00:24:25.118
licensed mental health professional.

00:24:26.858 --> 00:24:28.058
You have more options, I think,

00:24:28.078 --> 00:24:28.880
for treating depression.

00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:31.720
I'm not like dogmatic about this,

00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:33.780
but the thing that burnout requires to

00:24:33.861 --> 00:24:34.901
heal is rest.

00:24:34.980 --> 00:24:37.381
And so if rest is not soon to

00:24:37.421 --> 00:24:39.162
be on your horizon or not a real

00:24:39.241 --> 00:24:40.001
option for you,

00:24:40.501 --> 00:24:41.662
that's going to be hard and it's going

00:24:41.682 --> 00:24:42.642
to be, you know,

00:24:45.143 --> 00:24:46.462
I feel like I'm doing pretty well,

00:24:47.282 --> 00:24:49.584
embarrassively.

00:24:49.644 --> 00:24:50.983
All things considered,

00:24:51.596 --> 00:24:52.375
And like, man,

00:24:52.415 --> 00:24:54.977
I would love a sabbatical to write a

00:24:55.018 --> 00:24:59.058
book or to do some research or focus

00:24:59.098 --> 00:25:01.000
fully on any number of the like four

00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:02.320
projects I've got going on right now.

00:25:03.681 --> 00:25:05.221
But, you know,

00:25:06.102 --> 00:25:09.124
so there's like that accumulation.

00:25:09.683 --> 00:25:10.564
I'm not burnt out,

00:25:10.624 --> 00:25:12.125
but that idea of like, yeah,

00:25:12.164 --> 00:25:13.444
we're tired because we're having to do

00:25:13.464 --> 00:25:15.125
stuff and capitalism keeps grinding our

00:25:15.165 --> 00:25:16.747
bones up and it's late stage.

00:25:16.787 --> 00:25:17.666
So it's really brutal.

00:25:17.727 --> 00:25:19.488
And yeah.

00:25:20.006 --> 00:25:21.028
Certainly could be that.

00:25:21.167 --> 00:25:22.369
And that could be depression.

00:25:22.410 --> 00:25:24.333
Depression is, yeah,

00:25:24.373 --> 00:25:25.434
those symptoms are going to overlap.

00:25:25.454 --> 00:25:26.396
I was going to just sort of run

00:25:26.436 --> 00:25:27.377
down the diagnostics,

00:25:27.439 --> 00:25:27.618
but

00:25:28.894 --> 00:25:33.375
So that nuance might require a person to

00:25:33.414 --> 00:25:35.154
work with you who is an expert on

00:25:35.315 --> 00:25:35.476
that,

00:25:35.496 --> 00:25:37.076
which would be a licensed professional.

00:25:37.596 --> 00:25:37.955
Certainly,

00:25:38.076 --> 00:25:40.036
I could go through the diagnostics with a

00:25:40.076 --> 00:25:40.936
client of mine,

00:25:40.957 --> 00:25:42.656
sort of work through the ins and outs

00:25:42.696 --> 00:25:44.356
of this and see where things land.

00:25:44.396 --> 00:25:45.917
Depression, in theory,

00:25:45.958 --> 00:25:47.938
is going to respond to treatment

00:25:48.498 --> 00:25:50.558
modalities in a way that burnout won't,

00:25:50.578 --> 00:25:51.919
just because burnout is going to require

00:25:52.038 --> 00:25:52.358
rest.

00:25:52.439 --> 00:25:52.558
But

00:25:52.983 --> 00:25:56.425
stress management and healthy boundaries

00:25:56.727 --> 00:25:59.188
and protecting some of your energy and

00:25:59.208 --> 00:26:01.150
being you know trying to build that rest

00:26:01.269 --> 00:26:03.652
in as part of your regular schedule is

00:26:03.692 --> 00:26:08.994
going to be important so I think um

00:26:09.035 --> 00:26:10.636
yeah and and again like it's not like

00:26:10.676 --> 00:26:13.077
depression is a snap your fingers I've got

00:26:13.117 --> 00:26:14.920
better management and now it's fixed so

00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:18.061
that's a really great question because it

00:26:18.102 --> 00:26:20.442
requires a lot a great deal of nuance

00:26:20.462 --> 00:26:21.523
that I don't think I can answer in

00:26:21.544 --> 00:26:22.505
a YouTube video but

00:26:23.617 --> 00:26:24.097
Um,

00:26:24.117 --> 00:26:27.059
that is that you're questioning with that

00:26:27.079 --> 00:26:27.759
and you're wrestling.

00:26:27.800 --> 00:26:28.300
That is,

00:26:28.520 --> 00:26:29.662
is great that you're noticing with that

00:26:29.701 --> 00:26:30.602
level of self-awareness,

00:26:30.662 --> 00:26:32.643
probably time to work on that with a

00:26:32.682 --> 00:26:33.824
licensed professional.

00:26:34.884 --> 00:26:35.144
Um,

00:26:36.746 --> 00:26:38.686
I'm scared to rest because it feels like

00:26:38.727 --> 00:26:43.890
I'll never get back up.

00:26:43.950 --> 00:26:44.450
Advice.

00:26:46.511 --> 00:26:47.071
Yeah.

00:26:47.971 --> 00:26:48.153
Uh,

00:26:48.212 --> 00:26:51.034
read the age of overwhelm by Laura

00:26:51.094 --> 00:26:52.174
Vanderdoot Litsky.

00:26:53.503 --> 00:26:59.028
And yeah, rest is important.

00:27:00.109 --> 00:27:02.471
If the only thing keeping you going is

00:27:02.490 --> 00:27:03.892
that you refuse to rest,

00:27:04.472 --> 00:27:06.394
your body is going to collapse on you

00:27:06.433 --> 00:27:07.154
at some point,

00:27:07.595 --> 00:27:10.458
whether that is your health failing to the

00:27:10.478 --> 00:27:11.719
point where you need to rest,

00:27:11.778 --> 00:27:14.079
whether that is some sort of breakdown,

00:27:15.582 --> 00:27:17.163
that is not a sustainable model.

00:27:18.676 --> 00:27:19.356
It's not healthy,

00:27:20.738 --> 00:27:21.897
but it's not long-term sustainable.

00:27:21.917 --> 00:27:23.058
It might be short-term sustainable.

00:27:23.419 --> 00:27:23.598
Again,

00:27:23.618 --> 00:27:24.779
I did a lot of unhealthy stuff to

00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:26.740
get through, you know,

00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:27.701
early times in my life,

00:27:27.780 --> 00:27:29.301
college finals and things.

00:27:30.102 --> 00:27:31.823
We pull out some unhealthy stuff that we

00:27:31.843 --> 00:27:33.983
can crank out in the short term.

00:27:34.104 --> 00:27:35.284
It has a cost.

00:27:35.344 --> 00:27:37.904
I'm not saying that is sustainable either,

00:27:37.964 --> 00:27:39.685
but there might be short-term

00:27:39.705 --> 00:27:40.806
sustainability for some of that.

00:27:40.846 --> 00:27:42.686
This is a recipe for burnout.

00:27:44.268 --> 00:27:46.669
You don't need to earn it and like,

00:27:48.108 --> 00:27:49.413
If you're that tired that you can't get

00:27:49.452 --> 00:27:51.519
back up, it's because accumulating...

00:27:52.941 --> 00:27:54.821
energy output with not investing in

00:27:54.842 --> 00:27:57.183
yourself is making it impossible to get

00:27:57.203 --> 00:27:57.544
back up.

00:27:57.624 --> 00:28:00.046
The rest there isn't the issue.

00:28:00.666 --> 00:28:03.087
It's everything else going on is the

00:28:03.147 --> 00:28:03.387
issue.

00:28:03.448 --> 00:28:06.009
So it sounds like a total recalibration of

00:28:06.049 --> 00:28:07.611
where our energy is going and how we

00:28:07.671 --> 00:28:08.731
prioritize rest.

00:28:09.913 --> 00:28:12.654
You need food, water, shelter to survive.

00:28:13.796 --> 00:28:15.717
Water will probably kill you first if you

00:28:15.737 --> 00:28:16.417
don't have any,

00:28:16.678 --> 00:28:17.878
but sleep is not far behind.

00:28:18.641 --> 00:28:20.201
And so, yeah,

00:28:20.561 --> 00:28:23.163
not having enough rest is really bad for

00:28:23.222 --> 00:28:23.363
you.

00:28:23.383 --> 00:28:24.663
There's just a study that came out the

00:28:24.682 --> 00:28:28.243
other day that I read that was the

00:28:28.284 --> 00:28:30.984
best indicator of a shortened lifespan is

00:28:31.065 --> 00:28:33.066
not getting enough sleep.

00:28:33.086 --> 00:28:35.027
Just like across all demographics,

00:28:35.666 --> 00:28:37.948
various countries, different lifestyles,

00:28:37.988 --> 00:28:41.328
diet, exercise, all that stuff.

00:28:41.429 --> 00:28:44.950
The best indicator of shortened lifespan,

00:28:45.470 --> 00:28:47.631
not meeting your life expectancy is not

00:28:47.711 --> 00:28:48.050
enough.

00:28:48.694 --> 00:28:49.115
Sleep.

00:28:49.955 --> 00:28:50.576
Get your rest.

00:28:50.655 --> 00:28:51.336
Rest is important.

00:28:51.355 --> 00:28:52.416
You do not need to earn it.

00:28:52.436 --> 00:28:54.136
Your body actually does require it to

00:28:54.196 --> 00:28:55.758
function at a minimum.

00:28:57.558 --> 00:29:00.819
So protect that.

00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:01.960
Be honest.

00:29:02.820 --> 00:29:03.641
Do y'all know me?

00:29:03.980 --> 00:29:05.001
I'm not lying to anybody.

00:29:05.061 --> 00:29:06.221
This is not a performance.

00:29:07.143 --> 00:29:07.823
Be honest.

00:29:07.883 --> 00:29:09.723
Is it healthy to just mute an entire

00:29:09.743 --> 00:29:10.703
group chat for the holidays?

00:29:11.064 --> 00:29:12.125
Hell yes.

00:29:12.964 --> 00:29:14.286
Now, honestly,

00:29:14.625 --> 00:29:16.326
my bias is I hate group chats.

00:29:17.247 --> 00:29:17.686
No, thank you.

00:29:18.430 --> 00:29:20.471
I would not like to participate in your

00:29:20.511 --> 00:29:21.053
group chat.

00:29:21.733 --> 00:29:25.218
Don't include me in the group chat.

00:29:25.357 --> 00:29:27.339
I'm not so specialist to think that like

00:29:27.460 --> 00:29:29.502
I require my own separate dialogue with

00:29:29.542 --> 00:29:30.703
every person in my life.

00:29:31.285 --> 00:29:32.006
But if it's like,

00:29:32.326 --> 00:29:34.307
here's the details for this thing.

00:29:34.588 --> 00:29:35.088
Great.

00:29:35.910 --> 00:29:37.751
Everybody hit your thumbs up emoji and

00:29:37.791 --> 00:29:38.353
then like.

00:29:39.707 --> 00:29:40.406
Let's be done.

00:29:41.287 --> 00:29:43.847
I usually muddy up the group chats that

00:29:43.867 --> 00:29:45.028
I'm forced to be a part of by

00:29:45.067 --> 00:29:47.189
sending obnoxious GIFs and refusing to

00:29:47.288 --> 00:29:48.929
offer anything other than GIFs.

00:29:49.929 --> 00:29:51.890
And because oftentimes the group chats

00:29:51.910 --> 00:29:54.089
that I'm in are intergenerational.

00:29:54.609 --> 00:29:55.490
People don't love that.

00:29:55.769 --> 00:29:56.671
And my GIFs are like,

00:29:57.990 --> 00:30:02.211
it's not like internet pill meme nonsense.

00:30:02.251 --> 00:30:03.531
It's just very much like,

00:30:04.857 --> 00:30:07.259
will only respond using macho man randy

00:30:07.298 --> 00:30:09.560
savage gifts or i'm only gonna send big

00:30:09.601 --> 00:30:11.942
lebowski or monty python gifts or you know

00:30:12.342 --> 00:30:14.442
it's it's very much a me thing i've

00:30:14.462 --> 00:30:18.484
gone weeks using pro wrestling gifts the

00:30:18.545 --> 00:30:21.287
nothing else um i can go real far

00:30:21.326 --> 00:30:23.268
with the rest development too pretty much

00:30:23.327 --> 00:30:24.788
anything that's ever been a hyper focus of

00:30:24.847 --> 00:30:26.308
mine i can i can find i sometimes

00:30:26.328 --> 00:30:27.670
have to make my own gifts because

00:30:28.347 --> 00:30:29.807
I know what I want to send and

00:30:30.188 --> 00:30:32.048
it isn't available on whatever gift

00:30:32.068 --> 00:30:33.449
keyboard comes on default.

00:30:33.648 --> 00:30:39.910
So I defined somebody had a typo recently

00:30:39.930 --> 00:30:41.911
that said Ming instead of mind.

00:30:42.191 --> 00:30:43.411
And I had to find,

00:30:43.790 --> 00:30:45.652
this is such an obscure cut,

00:30:47.531 --> 00:30:49.132
a clip from Frisky Dingo,

00:30:49.152 --> 00:30:51.012
which is the show Adam Reid made before

00:30:51.153 --> 00:30:51.553
Archer.

00:30:51.893 --> 00:30:52.653
Like a lot of people,

00:30:53.012 --> 00:30:54.554
it's not like Archer is this cultural

00:30:54.634 --> 00:30:56.153
ubiquitous show where everyone knows,

00:30:56.213 --> 00:30:56.314
but

00:30:57.303 --> 00:30:59.663
I defined a character holding up a shirt

00:30:59.683 --> 00:31:00.644
that just says Ming.

00:31:01.305 --> 00:31:02.105
And then on the back,

00:31:02.125 --> 00:31:03.465
it says he kept us out of war.

00:31:03.486 --> 00:31:04.886
And then the other side of the shirt

00:31:04.926 --> 00:31:07.288
is Ming because one of the characters

00:31:07.587 --> 00:31:10.230
accidentally cures global warming while

00:31:10.250 --> 00:31:11.390
trying to push the world in the sun.

00:31:11.430 --> 00:31:12.211
Frisky Dingo is,

00:31:12.951 --> 00:31:14.271
I just rewatched it recently is why it

00:31:14.311 --> 00:31:15.632
was so relevant to me.

00:31:15.672 --> 00:31:16.353
But yeah,

00:31:16.452 --> 00:31:18.834
like I'm willing to go to that length

00:31:19.213 --> 00:31:20.734
of finding this video clip,

00:31:20.755 --> 00:31:21.454
downloading it,

00:31:21.555 --> 00:31:22.695
turning it into a GIF and then sending

00:31:22.715 --> 00:31:23.236
it to somebody.

00:31:24.493 --> 00:31:26.415
off of a typo because my brain went

00:31:26.435 --> 00:31:26.736
there.

00:31:26.836 --> 00:31:28.896
So yeah, group chats suck.

00:31:29.617 --> 00:31:31.078
I'm okay with a group chat that is

00:31:31.138 --> 00:31:35.362
hyper-focused on a logistical thing.

00:31:35.623 --> 00:31:37.403
Hey, we're meeting here at seven.

00:31:37.644 --> 00:31:38.625
Everybody thumbs up.

00:31:38.964 --> 00:31:40.066
Cool, we're all on the same page.

00:31:40.105 --> 00:31:42.887
That is good communication.

00:31:42.907 --> 00:31:44.990
I don't like group chats for much beyond

00:31:45.049 --> 00:31:45.329
that.

00:31:45.490 --> 00:31:46.971
So yeah, mute that.

00:31:47.010 --> 00:31:47.571
Get out of that.

00:31:48.471 --> 00:31:51.914
Or become so toxic that it cannot

00:31:51.954 --> 00:31:52.394
continue.

00:31:54.519 --> 00:31:55.980
I'm a licensed mental health professional.

00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:57.580
That is not normally advice that I give.

00:31:58.260 --> 00:32:00.942
You should be so toxic to end something.

00:32:01.863 --> 00:32:03.323
But that is how I feel about group

00:32:03.363 --> 00:32:06.064
chats.

00:32:06.084 --> 00:32:07.585
Is ghosting a holiday party a legitimate

00:32:07.625 --> 00:32:11.866
boundary or am I being a gremlin?

00:32:11.906 --> 00:32:17.189
Look, I'm not.

00:32:20.630 --> 00:32:23.191
I'm a millennial born in eighty eight.

00:32:26.390 --> 00:32:28.191
Classic millennial, smack dab, right?

00:32:29.132 --> 00:32:30.432
I'm not a fan of ghosting.

00:32:31.252 --> 00:32:36.435
And I grew up evangelical Lutheran and in

00:32:36.455 --> 00:32:37.135
the Midwest.

00:32:37.836 --> 00:32:41.979
So a lot of cultural things that required

00:32:42.038 --> 00:32:42.779
that I made it,

00:32:42.900 --> 00:32:44.621
I needed to make it okay to other

00:32:44.661 --> 00:32:47.102
people to say no to things,

00:32:48.702 --> 00:32:49.903
which is unnecessary.

00:32:49.943 --> 00:32:51.365
You can just say no.

00:32:51.444 --> 00:32:53.326
Your no is enough and requires...

00:32:54.357 --> 00:32:55.218
No explanation.

00:32:55.258 --> 00:32:57.179
That's one of the holiday-themed boundary

00:32:57.239 --> 00:32:59.798
affirmations I gave out at a recent event.

00:33:03.519 --> 00:33:07.300
And so, yeah, just say no.

00:33:07.340 --> 00:33:07.780
Can't make it.

00:33:08.280 --> 00:33:09.221
Double booked that day.

00:33:09.560 --> 00:33:11.942
That's even, like, giving too much of a...

00:33:12.001 --> 00:33:13.082
Sorry, won't be able to make it.

00:33:13.261 --> 00:33:14.303
Enjoy your time.

00:33:15.403 --> 00:33:16.123
Emojis.

00:33:18.200 --> 00:33:18.460
Right?

00:33:18.559 --> 00:33:18.880
I don't know.

00:33:19.140 --> 00:33:20.421
I'm not a fan of ghosting because in

00:33:20.461 --> 00:33:22.741
theory, and I think in practicality,

00:33:22.801 --> 00:33:24.501
ghosting is not good communication.

00:33:24.942 --> 00:33:27.383
I understand why women in modern dating

00:33:27.403 --> 00:33:29.364
will ghost people because men are fucking

00:33:29.403 --> 00:33:33.486
creepy and don't pick up on things like

00:33:33.526 --> 00:33:34.986
saying a solid no.

00:33:35.566 --> 00:33:37.686
So is ghosting after saying no several

00:33:37.727 --> 00:33:38.426
times appropriate?

00:33:38.446 --> 00:33:39.367
Yeah, fine.

00:33:39.827 --> 00:33:42.068
I still think saying no clearly and

00:33:42.368 --> 00:33:44.670
definitively is helpful and it's good

00:33:44.690 --> 00:33:45.210
communication.

00:33:49.211 --> 00:33:51.032
But not going to things doesn't make you

00:33:51.073 --> 00:33:51.553
a gremlin.

00:33:52.173 --> 00:33:55.193
Not being cheerful isn't Grinchian.

00:33:57.294 --> 00:33:58.674
Shit's hard.

00:33:58.714 --> 00:33:59.515
The world's on fire.

00:33:59.535 --> 00:33:59.835
I don't know.

00:33:59.914 --> 00:34:01.015
You don't have to be cheerful if you

00:34:01.035 --> 00:34:03.855
don't want to be.

00:34:03.875 --> 00:34:05.957
How do therapists feel about Elf on the

00:34:05.997 --> 00:34:06.517
Shelf?

00:34:06.876 --> 00:34:08.496
Because I feel judged by a toy.

00:34:08.856 --> 00:34:09.036
Well,

00:34:09.217 --> 00:34:13.038
this therapist is not on board for

00:34:13.097 --> 00:34:15.498
anything that promotes the police state.

00:34:19.786 --> 00:34:22.628
I think, you know,

00:34:23.869 --> 00:34:26.891
how do I feel about traditions?

00:34:29.072 --> 00:34:30.733
It's context-based, right?

00:34:31.153 --> 00:34:32.355
I think for some people,

00:34:32.856 --> 00:34:34.777
the idea that you get a little gift

00:34:34.956 --> 00:34:37.237
and every day the elf has to run

00:34:37.257 --> 00:34:40.179
back up or magically fly or get picked

00:34:40.219 --> 00:34:41.081
up by a reindeer.

00:34:41.121 --> 00:34:44.163
And so he's moving somewhere different

00:34:44.282 --> 00:34:45.063
every day.

00:34:45.103 --> 00:34:45.824
That can be fun.

00:34:47.273 --> 00:34:48.635
I know there are kids who like Elf

00:34:48.675 --> 00:34:49.335
on the Shelf.

00:34:50.175 --> 00:34:55.199
I think the elf being Santa's CIA agent

00:34:55.278 --> 00:34:57.300
who spies on you and reports back is

00:34:57.541 --> 00:35:01.643
unhealthier than the other version.

00:35:01.663 --> 00:35:01.902
Oh,

00:35:01.963 --> 00:35:04.485
Santa has a bunch of elves working for

00:35:04.525 --> 00:35:06.246
him.

00:35:06.266 --> 00:35:08.588
It's a little... I don't know.

00:35:08.628 --> 00:35:09.688
It's not great either.

00:35:10.309 --> 00:35:14.090
Like, mythical fairy elves.

00:35:14.130 --> 00:35:15.351
They're full of whimsy.

00:35:16.451 --> 00:35:19.012
and it's fun for everyone,

00:35:19.052 --> 00:35:19.811
then I'm on board.

00:35:20.512 --> 00:35:21.771
Is it effort that we don't want to

00:35:21.791 --> 00:35:22.331
be putting in?

00:35:22.391 --> 00:35:25.672
Is it energy that is soul-sucking?

00:35:26.213 --> 00:35:26.934
Then don't do it.

00:35:28.414 --> 00:35:29.793
Are we using it to police our kids'

00:35:29.813 --> 00:35:30.253
behavior?

00:35:30.414 --> 00:35:31.355
Then don't do it.

00:35:31.914 --> 00:35:34.856
It's not big brothers watching you.

00:35:35.936 --> 00:35:37.096
It's fun and whimsy.

00:35:37.936 --> 00:35:39.936
If it's fun and whimsy, I support.

00:35:40.097 --> 00:35:40.436
If it's

00:35:42.204 --> 00:35:45.166
laborious and we hate it or it's promoting

00:35:45.226 --> 00:35:48.646
a police state, then I don't like it.

00:35:48.748 --> 00:35:50.668
I'm not a huge fan of surveillance.

00:35:54.289 --> 00:35:55.750
How do therapists writ large feel about

00:35:55.809 --> 00:35:55.889
it?

00:35:56.070 --> 00:35:58.070
I mean, running the spectrum on that.

00:35:59.271 --> 00:36:00.351
People putting their thoughts on the

00:36:00.371 --> 00:36:03.492
internet has made the world a better

00:36:03.512 --> 00:36:03.713
place.

00:36:04.434 --> 00:36:04.614
No,

00:36:05.153 --> 00:36:07.155
everybody getting to a platform where they

00:36:07.175 --> 00:36:08.534
can share their opinion on stuff has made

00:36:08.554 --> 00:36:09.574
the world a worse place.

00:36:12.532 --> 00:36:14.672
A good therapist is going to answer most

00:36:14.713 --> 00:36:17.954
questions with some nuance.

00:36:18.054 --> 00:36:20.253
I will clip some of this probably to

00:36:20.295 --> 00:36:22.675
do YouTube shorts and it's going to make

00:36:22.695 --> 00:36:24.755
me mad because it's never enough and it

00:36:24.795 --> 00:36:25.996
cuts off somewhere weird.

00:36:26.496 --> 00:36:27.896
I don't post a lot of reels because

00:36:28.016 --> 00:36:30.255
I can't answer something in under thirty

00:36:30.315 --> 00:36:32.536
seconds because most things require more

00:36:32.637 --> 00:36:35.836
nuance than that.

00:36:35.916 --> 00:36:38.597
Is it petty to bring my own food?

00:36:38.717 --> 00:36:39.057
Nope.

00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:40.798
I don't even need to finish this question.

00:36:41.018 --> 00:36:42.039
Is it petty to bring my own food?

00:36:42.139 --> 00:36:42.400
Nah.

00:36:43.420 --> 00:36:44.079
Nah.

00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:45.900
Food is a necessary thing to survive.

00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:46.599
Bring your own food.

00:36:47.340 --> 00:36:48.481
Is it petty to bring my own food

00:36:48.501 --> 00:36:49.800
to Christmas because I'm tired of

00:36:49.820 --> 00:36:51.460
listening to my family comment on my body?

00:36:51.981 --> 00:36:52.081
Oh.

00:36:53.161 --> 00:36:53.282
Well,

00:36:53.322 --> 00:36:54.722
that went in a different direction than I

00:36:54.742 --> 00:36:55.021
thought.

00:36:55.882 --> 00:36:56.402
Is it petty?

00:36:56.521 --> 00:36:56.722
No.

00:36:57.742 --> 00:36:58.402
Bring your own food.

00:37:00.163 --> 00:37:01.382
Tell your family to fuck off.

00:37:03.762 --> 00:37:05.103
They shouldn't be making comments about

00:37:05.123 --> 00:37:05.483
your body.

00:37:08.690 --> 00:37:09.710
I just assumed it was going to be

00:37:09.730 --> 00:37:10.971
like, I'm gluten intolerant.

00:37:10.990 --> 00:37:12.791
My family thinks that's like liberal.

00:37:12.831 --> 00:37:16.052
So yeah, I don't know.

00:37:16.373 --> 00:37:19.414
I try,

00:37:19.454 --> 00:37:20.713
as I am a flawed human and I'm

00:37:20.733 --> 00:37:21.333
not perfect about it,

00:37:21.373 --> 00:37:23.954
I try to take dietary restrictions into

00:37:23.974 --> 00:37:25.436
account for people when we're hosting.

00:37:26.456 --> 00:37:27.978
And by and large,

00:37:28.018 --> 00:37:29.838
that is less work than people want to

00:37:29.898 --> 00:37:31.039
pretend that it is.

00:37:31.179 --> 00:37:34.021
And sometimes when you have a gathering of

00:37:34.101 --> 00:37:35.342
different people with different dietary

00:37:35.362 --> 00:37:35.802
restrictions,

00:37:35.981 --> 00:37:38.443
it does make some of the menu difficult.

00:37:39.163 --> 00:37:41.284
And so, yeah, sometimes that's nice.

00:37:41.385 --> 00:37:44.206
I have people who have some various

00:37:44.246 --> 00:37:45.306
intolerances and they'll say, hey,

00:37:45.327 --> 00:37:46.507
I'm going to bring XYZ.

00:37:47.748 --> 00:37:48.228
That's lovely.

00:37:53.235 --> 00:37:55.076
I'm Midwestern, right?

00:37:55.096 --> 00:37:55.715
So when I'm hosting,

00:37:55.996 --> 00:37:56.817
I do want to host.

00:37:56.856 --> 00:37:58.757
I want to have something for everyone and

00:37:58.797 --> 00:38:00.938
not just like, oh, you're vegan.

00:38:00.958 --> 00:38:02.420
So you can only eat the side salad.

00:38:02.440 --> 00:38:04.360
Like I do want a meal option for

00:38:04.420 --> 00:38:04.960
everyone.

00:38:05.581 --> 00:38:07.902
And does that mean I want different

00:38:08.023 --> 00:38:09.583
muffins or cookies or desserts?

00:38:09.664 --> 00:38:10.103
Like, no,

00:38:10.143 --> 00:38:11.364
sometimes it's nice if somebody could

00:38:11.384 --> 00:38:12.085
bring something like that.

00:38:12.105 --> 00:38:13.445
But like I grew up on like that

00:38:13.485 --> 00:38:14.226
potluck stuff.

00:38:14.266 --> 00:38:16.067
So I'm used to people bringing stuff.

00:38:16.086 --> 00:38:17.186
I don't know.

00:38:17.228 --> 00:38:17.947
Bring your own stuff.

00:38:19.005 --> 00:38:21.025
But because there's body shaming or

00:38:21.186 --> 00:38:23.188
bullshit diet culture nonsense, like,

00:38:23.208 --> 00:38:24.248
yeah, fuck all that noise.

00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:26.510
Fuel your body the way that you need

00:38:26.530 --> 00:38:29.110
to.

00:38:29.170 --> 00:38:31.231
How do I stop feeling responsible for

00:38:31.271 --> 00:38:38.817
everyone's mood at gatherings?

00:38:38.896 --> 00:38:40.438
I would love to just say, like, don't.

00:38:40.617 --> 00:38:41.177
Stop doing that.

00:38:41.559 --> 00:38:41.699
Right?

00:38:41.958 --> 00:38:43.880
Your question is obviously hinting at that

00:38:43.960 --> 00:38:44.239
already.

00:38:45.860 --> 00:38:47.541
So this is probably preaching to the choir

00:38:47.561 --> 00:38:47.902
a little bit.

00:38:49.166 --> 00:38:50.768
You are not responsible for anyone else's

00:38:50.907 --> 00:38:51.547
emotions.

00:38:52.688 --> 00:38:53.228
They are.

00:38:54.289 --> 00:38:54.588
Now,

00:38:55.090 --> 00:38:56.650
no one is in control of our emotions

00:38:56.730 --> 00:38:58.490
in the sense that emotions are things we

00:38:58.530 --> 00:38:59.070
experience.

00:38:59.090 --> 00:38:59.931
They happen to us.

00:38:59.992 --> 00:39:02.512
They are stimuli that we experience.

00:39:02.992 --> 00:39:04.893
But how people manage and navigate their

00:39:04.914 --> 00:39:05.753
emotions is up to them,

00:39:05.793 --> 00:39:06.393
not up to you.

00:39:07.594 --> 00:39:10.175
And so it doesn't really matter if you

00:39:10.215 --> 00:39:11.336
feel responsible or not.

00:39:11.396 --> 00:39:13.657
The reality is you aren't and you can't

00:39:13.717 --> 00:39:14.797
do anything about it.

00:39:15.543 --> 00:39:18.983
You can't fix or shape or change or

00:39:19.023 --> 00:39:21.744
grow or distract or whatever other

00:39:21.764 --> 00:39:22.585
people's emotions.

00:39:23.324 --> 00:39:24.784
You can be helpful in that.

00:39:24.864 --> 00:39:25.585
I'm not unaware.

00:39:25.666 --> 00:39:27.306
I'm not some rugged individualist

00:39:27.405 --> 00:39:28.146
libertarian.

00:39:28.425 --> 00:39:30.226
Community matters and we do need to have

00:39:30.867 --> 00:39:32.586
space to work through things in our

00:39:32.606 --> 00:39:33.507
relationships.

00:39:33.827 --> 00:39:35.487
Boundaries are not just this person makes

00:39:35.527 --> 00:39:38.048
me uncomfortable one time so I'm writing

00:39:38.068 --> 00:39:38.849
them off forever.

00:39:38.909 --> 00:39:39.768
Boundaries are like

00:39:40.597 --> 00:39:41.858
boundaries exist that we can have a

00:39:41.898 --> 00:39:44.978
functional relationship that is healthy

00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:46.920
and sustainable with these boundaries in

00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:52.681
place so you know if you're having to

00:39:52.701 --> 00:39:54.601
play mediator all the time like that

00:39:54.641 --> 00:39:56.302
speaks to other work that other people

00:39:56.362 --> 00:40:00.523
need to be doing if you are helping

00:40:00.583 --> 00:40:02.384
somebody enforce their own boundary if you

00:40:02.423 --> 00:40:03.784
are supporting somebody who's working

00:40:03.804 --> 00:40:07.324
through stuff if you are like again is

00:40:07.405 --> 00:40:07.525
it

00:40:08.523 --> 00:40:11.706
sustainable is it healthy or is it you

00:40:11.726 --> 00:40:13.849
know enabling unhealthy behaviors from

00:40:13.909 --> 00:40:18.273
other participants in this interaction um

00:40:18.313 --> 00:40:21.235
but certainly not everyone's mood right

00:40:21.255 --> 00:40:26.320
geezy peets don't do that don't go and

00:40:26.340 --> 00:40:28.882
then watch it all fall apart or like

00:40:28.922 --> 00:40:30.403
take note of who else does the work

00:40:30.563 --> 00:40:33.226
and the labor without you there um but

00:40:33.266 --> 00:40:34.407
sometimes it's a bummer right like

00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:36.579
sometimes friend groups fall apart when

00:40:36.599 --> 00:40:38.041
the person who navigates everything and

00:40:38.061 --> 00:40:40.221
manages everything doesn't do the work

00:40:40.340 --> 00:40:41.762
like that's not because it's not a healthy

00:40:41.782 --> 00:40:46.302
friend group then right so how do i

00:40:46.322 --> 00:40:48.284
stop feeling responsible acknowledge first

00:40:48.324 --> 00:40:50.023
of all that like you're not that powerful

00:40:51.063 --> 00:40:53.364
and then that's unfair expectations and

00:40:53.385 --> 00:40:54.804
labor that other people are putting on you

00:40:55.085 --> 00:40:57.346
and just don't do it how do you

00:40:57.365 --> 00:40:58.867
stop feeling that like figure out yeah

00:40:58.927 --> 00:41:00.606
what what do you need to do be

00:41:00.666 --> 00:41:02.148
responsible for your emotions i'm feeling

00:41:02.188 --> 00:41:03.728
guilty i'm feeling shame i'm feeling

00:41:04.793 --> 00:41:06.853
tugged in this direction that isn't vibed

00:41:06.873 --> 00:41:09.996
with my ethics or isn't backed by any

00:41:10.036 --> 00:41:12.038
sort of evidence that it works or helps.

00:41:12.818 --> 00:41:13.057
Yes,

00:41:13.157 --> 00:41:14.259
use your whole brain to make this

00:41:14.298 --> 00:41:14.699
decision.

00:41:15.079 --> 00:41:16.139
Set some intentions.

00:41:16.260 --> 00:41:18.021
Use your wise, full mind.

00:41:20.722 --> 00:41:22.445
I get emotionally hung over after seeing

00:41:22.485 --> 00:41:22.844
family.

00:41:22.864 --> 00:41:23.505
Is that a thing?

00:41:23.784 --> 00:41:24.485
A hundred percent.

00:41:24.706 --> 00:41:25.146
Big time.

00:41:25.827 --> 00:41:27.447
Family can be a lot.

00:41:29.027 --> 00:41:32.809
holidays can be a lot lots of old

00:41:32.949 --> 00:41:35.208
and new stimuli all at the same time

00:41:35.248 --> 00:41:39.030
can be a lot different time zones travel

00:41:39.550 --> 00:41:41.590
shifting our schedule shifting our regular

00:41:41.751 --> 00:41:47.391
energy flow from diet to exercise to who

00:41:47.452 --> 00:41:50.012
gets our energy and who is building us

00:41:50.032 --> 00:41:51.393
back up like yeah i mean

00:41:51.869 --> 00:41:54.070
there's a ton about holiday gatherings,

00:41:54.670 --> 00:41:55.670
just logistically,

00:41:55.710 --> 00:41:58.070
that will tax your body without getting

00:41:58.110 --> 00:41:59.471
into the emotional hangover.

00:42:00.331 --> 00:42:04.072
And oftentimes we're gonna hold some of

00:42:04.092 --> 00:42:05.072
that stress in our body.

00:42:05.132 --> 00:42:07.112
And so then when we're back safe or

00:42:07.172 --> 00:42:07.612
stable,

00:42:07.632 --> 00:42:10.634
wherever that feels like into our normal

00:42:10.673 --> 00:42:12.253
routine, we'll often exhale.

00:42:12.773 --> 00:42:14.474
And that physical exhale is going to be,

00:42:14.835 --> 00:42:15.114
yeah,

00:42:15.195 --> 00:42:19.115
like that emotional exhale is often

00:42:19.215 --> 00:42:19.755
somatic.

00:42:20.538 --> 00:42:22.038
And so that's going to be in your

00:42:22.057 --> 00:42:22.418
body.

00:42:22.478 --> 00:42:24.059
And that, yeah, it might be tired,

00:42:24.139 --> 00:42:27.960
nauseous, pain, tension, whatever.

00:42:29.500 --> 00:42:30.500
I'm thirty seven.

00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:34.440
So I'm not like an old ancient curmudgeon,

00:42:34.481 --> 00:42:37.400
but like I'm more inclined to to leave

00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:40.021
a day early and have a reset when

00:42:40.061 --> 00:42:41.362
I get back home or to have a

00:42:41.402 --> 00:42:44.822
day to recalibrate or go and do a

00:42:44.882 --> 00:42:47.583
float or be in my local woods that

00:42:47.623 --> 00:42:49.164
I'm comfortable with or whatever,

00:42:49.224 --> 00:42:49.463
you know,

00:42:49.483 --> 00:42:49.643
like

00:42:50.293 --> 00:42:52.554
I'm more inclined to do a shorter trip

00:42:52.773 --> 00:42:55.514
and invest in myself so I can hit

00:42:55.534 --> 00:42:57.135
the ground running again instead of

00:42:57.195 --> 00:43:00.056
carrying it into the school week.

00:43:00.356 --> 00:43:02.277
But my work week is relatively well

00:43:02.318 --> 00:43:02.878
managed.

00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:07.619
But it's more like, yeah,

00:43:07.699 --> 00:43:09.181
the school day and getting my kids out

00:43:09.201 --> 00:43:11.782
of the house on time and not projecting

00:43:11.822 --> 00:43:12.722
anything onto them.

00:43:13.362 --> 00:43:15.423
So that investment is really motivated for

00:43:15.483 --> 00:43:15.623
me.

00:43:16.722 --> 00:43:17.903
to show up the way that I want

00:43:17.923 --> 00:43:18.483
as a parent.

00:43:18.503 --> 00:43:22.547
And yeah, I don't know.

00:43:22.646 --> 00:43:24.809
It's not for everyone, but I'm a fan.

00:43:24.829 --> 00:43:25.869
It's worked really well for me.

00:43:25.909 --> 00:43:27.030
A lot of my clients over the years

00:43:27.050 --> 00:43:29.931
benefit from leave a day early to rest

00:43:29.972 --> 00:43:32.514
and recalibrate plan for that emotional

00:43:32.534 --> 00:43:32.914
hangover.

00:43:35.795 --> 00:43:38.117
Why does guilt feel like truth even when

00:43:38.237 --> 00:43:38.978
I know better?

00:43:41.219 --> 00:43:42.099
It's a fun question.

00:43:43.260 --> 00:43:44.681
There's a vagueness to it that I

00:43:44.702 --> 00:43:45.161
appreciate.

00:43:45.402 --> 00:43:47.003
Why does guilt feel like truth even when

00:43:47.043 --> 00:43:47.563
I know better?

00:43:49.543 --> 00:43:51.224
I'm feeding off of the previous question

00:43:51.264 --> 00:43:51.905
here a little bit,

00:43:51.945 --> 00:43:54.666
but assuming this is in a family gathering

00:43:54.726 --> 00:43:57.106
setting, assuming this is we're tired,

00:43:57.146 --> 00:43:58.547
we're exhausted, we've traveled,

00:43:59.788 --> 00:44:01.588
we're out of our normal routine,

00:44:01.608 --> 00:44:03.550
we're sleeping on an uncomfortable bed,

00:44:03.630 --> 00:44:05.811
we're staying up late celebrating with

00:44:05.831 --> 00:44:06.411
people,

00:44:06.530 --> 00:44:08.831
we're drinking and imbibing with various

00:44:08.851 --> 00:44:09.652
substances,

00:44:11.990 --> 00:44:13.351
We're under-resourced, right?

00:44:13.432 --> 00:44:15.153
A lot of these family gatherings are

00:44:15.193 --> 00:44:16.856
predicated on being under-resourced.

00:44:17.817 --> 00:44:20.179
And it's easier for people to manipulate

00:44:20.199 --> 00:44:21.681
your emotions when you're under-resourced.

00:44:21.820 --> 00:44:23.362
It's more difficult to enforce your

00:44:23.382 --> 00:44:23.862
boundaries.

00:44:23.922 --> 00:44:26.286
It's more difficult to invest time and

00:44:26.326 --> 00:44:28.228
energy into yourself and your own stress

00:44:28.268 --> 00:44:30.849
management when you're not on your home

00:44:30.891 --> 00:44:31.490
playing field.

00:44:33.353 --> 00:44:35.536
So, yeah, when we're under-resourced,

00:44:35.596 --> 00:44:36.757
it is easier for other people to

00:44:36.777 --> 00:44:37.536
manipulate our emotions.

00:44:37.556 --> 00:44:39.418
That's why churches and cults and

00:44:39.918 --> 00:44:42.219
organized religions do twenty-four-hour

00:44:42.420 --> 00:44:45.182
pray-ins and they limit our sleep and we

00:44:45.222 --> 00:44:47.083
stay up late and whatever.

00:44:47.523 --> 00:44:50.666
It's easier to manipulate your emotions

00:44:50.706 --> 00:44:52.608
when we're under-resourced.

00:44:54.143 --> 00:44:56.344
It's not more true, again,

00:44:56.385 --> 00:44:58.445
like I love having that sounding board,

00:44:58.465 --> 00:45:00.927
whether that is a decision-making tree or

00:45:00.947 --> 00:45:02.168
a thought process that we put a lot

00:45:02.188 --> 00:45:03.548
of time and energy into ahead of time

00:45:03.568 --> 00:45:04.630
so we can refer back to it,

00:45:04.750 --> 00:45:06.451
or it is a sounding board of a

00:45:06.490 --> 00:45:07.751
support system, a person,

00:45:07.811 --> 00:45:09.172
or a group of people we talk to

00:45:09.211 --> 00:45:10.213
to run things by,

00:45:10.253 --> 00:45:11.452
to remind us of things,

00:45:11.492 --> 00:45:14.315
to encourage us when we are feeling

00:45:14.894 --> 00:45:16.996
under-resourced.

00:45:17.135 --> 00:45:18.996
Those are good ways to respond to that

00:45:19.016 --> 00:45:20.777
guilt.

00:45:20.858 --> 00:45:21.719
Is it possible

00:45:23.057 --> 00:45:23.538
Ask question.

00:45:24.219 --> 00:45:26.940
Is it possible to create new rituals as

00:45:26.981 --> 00:45:31.224
an adult without feeling like a fraud?

00:45:32.885 --> 00:45:33.766
A little baby pagan.

00:45:35.068 --> 00:45:37.068
No, when I left religion,

00:45:37.250 --> 00:45:40.211
I was pretty salty towards anything that

00:45:40.251 --> 00:45:42.313
felt ritualistic.

00:45:42.353 --> 00:45:44.715
And that was misinformed on my part,

00:45:44.755 --> 00:45:44.976
right?

00:45:45.016 --> 00:45:45.175
Like,

00:45:46.114 --> 00:45:48.076
Religion didn't create ritual practice.

00:45:48.135 --> 00:45:49.436
Religion didn't create traditions.

00:45:49.496 --> 00:45:51.255
Religion uses those things because they

00:45:51.275 --> 00:45:56.418
are effective ways to control people.

00:45:56.438 --> 00:45:58.378
And it's malicious in the case of

00:45:58.398 --> 00:45:59.557
organized religions.

00:46:00.938 --> 00:46:01.918
Doesn't say most of the time,

00:46:01.958 --> 00:46:03.059
but I think I'll just leave it.

00:46:05.119 --> 00:46:06.940
Ritual in and of themselves are not

00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:08.760
manipulative or bad or wrong.

00:46:10.798 --> 00:46:12.739
But as we experience some of these things,

00:46:12.860 --> 00:46:15.199
as we have a mind-body practice,

00:46:15.239 --> 00:46:17.541
when we experience something both

00:46:17.561 --> 00:46:19.181
physically and intellectually,

00:46:20.061 --> 00:46:22.043
when we experience it in our thoughts and

00:46:22.083 --> 00:46:24.362
our emotions and our body all at the

00:46:24.402 --> 00:46:25.364
same time,

00:46:25.423 --> 00:46:28.264
it can be uncomfortable or it can feel

00:46:28.284 --> 00:46:29.545
a little forced, right?

00:46:29.585 --> 00:46:31.025
Like we're paying attention to,

00:46:31.746 --> 00:46:33.246
is everyone having a good time?

00:46:33.306 --> 00:46:35.327
Is the playlist working the way we want?

00:46:35.407 --> 00:46:37.728
Is that smoke going too high?

00:46:37.827 --> 00:46:38.728
Is whatever, right?

00:46:38.768 --> 00:46:38.927
Like

00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:41.342
there's all these things that we could be

00:46:41.942 --> 00:46:43.583
more focused on or, or worried.

00:46:43.643 --> 00:46:44.885
I think there is a,

00:46:46.706 --> 00:46:48.688
I find in my, my personal experience,

00:46:48.708 --> 00:46:50.009
my lived experience, a lot of my clients,

00:46:50.028 --> 00:46:51.751
there's like a playfulness we sort of have

00:46:51.771 --> 00:46:52.690
to engage in.

00:46:52.731 --> 00:46:56.335
There's a, we don't grow out of it.

00:46:56.375 --> 00:46:57.755
We just quit practicing it.

00:46:57.795 --> 00:47:01.159
And so there is some play.

00:47:01.418 --> 00:47:03.661
It might not be imagination outright,

00:47:03.681 --> 00:47:06.043
but like an acting as if, um,

00:47:07.608 --> 00:47:10.250
pretending you know and i don't think

00:47:10.289 --> 00:47:12.012
ritual is all those things but i think

00:47:12.032 --> 00:47:13.873
that's sometimes how it feels for those of

00:47:13.932 --> 00:47:15.634
us who maybe are are new to it

00:47:15.675 --> 00:47:17.235
or those of us whose brains move very

00:47:17.275 --> 00:47:18.817
quickly and so we're just hyper aware of

00:47:18.836 --> 00:47:20.617
a lot of stuff i think the more

00:47:20.637 --> 00:47:22.460
you practice it the more you play around

00:47:22.500 --> 00:47:24.561
with it the more you engage in ritual

00:47:24.581 --> 00:47:28.083
the more you engage in play the better

00:47:28.103 --> 00:47:30.106
you get at it but you might feel

00:47:30.126 --> 00:47:31.447
like a fraud it might feel awkward or

00:47:31.487 --> 00:47:33.148
uncomfortable i think there's a difference

00:47:33.188 --> 00:47:33.489
between

00:47:34.990 --> 00:47:36.632
there's a difference between discomfort

00:47:36.751 --> 00:47:38.192
and like something being bad or wrong.

00:47:38.211 --> 00:47:39.793
Am I uncomfortable or am I in crisis

00:47:39.853 --> 00:47:41.592
are very different things that I think

00:47:41.713 --> 00:47:44.994
oftentimes our brains is just an organ get

00:47:45.034 --> 00:47:45.414
wrong.

00:47:46.175 --> 00:47:47.855
And so sort of sifting through that, but,

00:47:48.094 --> 00:47:49.896
but genuinely I would say it's a skill

00:47:49.936 --> 00:47:50.856
and you can practice it.

00:47:50.916 --> 00:47:53.456
If I wanted you to write with your

00:47:53.577 --> 00:47:54.438
off hand or,

00:47:54.657 --> 00:47:56.657
or shoot free throws with your off hand,

00:47:56.677 --> 00:47:57.639
you would need to practice that.

00:47:57.699 --> 00:47:58.498
And the more you practice it,

00:47:58.518 --> 00:47:59.398
you would get better at it,

00:47:59.458 --> 00:48:01.219
even if it's still uncomfortable or you

00:48:01.239 --> 00:48:02.619
prefer to use your dominant hands.

00:48:02.679 --> 00:48:04.581
Like, yeah, that's, that's,

00:48:06.445 --> 00:48:07.867
That's the way that skill-based things

00:48:07.927 --> 00:48:08.186
work.

00:48:08.367 --> 00:48:10.949
And I think engaging in ritual is a

00:48:10.969 --> 00:48:11.548
skill-based thing.

00:48:11.568 --> 00:48:12.510
You can get better at it the more

00:48:12.530 --> 00:48:13.150
you practice it.

00:48:14.831 --> 00:48:16.833
But again, I mean,

00:48:16.853 --> 00:48:18.373
there's some performance sometimes

00:48:18.393 --> 00:48:20.394
involved in ritual as somebody who's

00:48:20.695 --> 00:48:22.056
neurodivergent that doesn't always feel

00:48:22.076 --> 00:48:22.956
super comfortable with me.

00:48:23.516 --> 00:48:24.318
I'm an introvert.

00:48:24.458 --> 00:48:26.018
So depending on who I'm around,

00:48:26.039 --> 00:48:27.559
it doesn't always feel comfortable for me.

00:48:27.719 --> 00:48:27.940
So yeah.

00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:29.860
there's lots of reasons why you might pull

00:48:30.001 --> 00:48:32.063
out but i do think it's worthwhile to

00:48:32.083 --> 00:48:33.923
invest some time and energy and play and

00:48:34.143 --> 00:48:36.846
exploration and inquisitiveness curiosity

00:48:36.885 --> 00:48:40.047
around what might be more comfortable for

00:48:40.128 --> 00:48:44.231
you um we had to uh have a

00:48:44.291 --> 00:48:46.391
funeral for our praying mantis earlier

00:48:46.472 --> 00:48:48.512
this year and we i felt sort of

00:48:48.552 --> 00:48:49.753
uncomfortable being like i think i'm gonna

00:48:49.813 --> 00:48:51.074
read some poetry but like

00:48:51.670 --> 00:48:55.612
I did from one of my favorite authors,

00:48:55.913 --> 00:48:57.353
a poet, Jared Anderson.

00:48:57.432 --> 00:48:58.793
He's been on the podcast before.

00:48:58.873 --> 00:49:01.576
Friend of the pod, Jared Anderson.

00:49:01.695 --> 00:49:03.197
I read some of his works at a

00:49:03.217 --> 00:49:04.056
funeral for Prey Mantis,

00:49:04.077 --> 00:49:05.777
and it was really just lovely, honestly.

00:49:05.797 --> 00:49:07.679
It was really nice.

00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:10.141
I think my voice handled the loss of

00:49:10.161 --> 00:49:11.121
a pet really well,

00:49:11.242 --> 00:49:15.664
and I think I healed having some shame

00:49:15.704 --> 00:49:17.985
from how my family shamed me when I

00:49:18.025 --> 00:49:19.226
lost a pet when I was a little

00:49:19.246 --> 00:49:19.507
kid,

00:49:19.547 --> 00:49:19.766
and my

00:49:20.577 --> 00:49:21.858
My family is just deeply uncomfortable

00:49:21.878 --> 00:49:22.438
with emotion.

00:49:22.518 --> 00:49:25.260
So any emotion anyone showed was a thing

00:49:25.300 --> 00:49:27.623
to be laughed at.

00:49:27.983 --> 00:49:30.945
And so it was really healing for me.

00:49:31.445 --> 00:49:33.027
It was healthy for my children.

00:49:33.186 --> 00:49:35.628
And my wife responded well to it.

00:49:35.688 --> 00:49:36.588
I think she's healthy too.

00:49:36.608 --> 00:49:38.170
She didn't even like the praying mantis.

00:49:38.829 --> 00:49:40.492
She's least fond of the bug being in

00:49:40.532 --> 00:49:40.911
the house.

00:49:41.853 --> 00:49:44.994
And so I bring that up not to

00:49:45.014 --> 00:49:45.974
be like, do what I do,

00:49:46.014 --> 00:49:47.735
just to say that I've come a long

00:49:47.775 --> 00:49:49.775
way in my own sort of approach to

00:49:49.835 --> 00:49:50.715
it, my own practice,

00:49:50.755 --> 00:49:53.755
where I had a tiny sort of twinge

00:49:53.795 --> 00:49:55.177
of like, ooh, that's corny.

00:49:55.797 --> 00:49:57.836
And then it's like, no, that's nice.

00:49:57.856 --> 00:49:58.498
That's helpful.

00:49:58.538 --> 00:49:59.918
That could be good.

00:49:59.978 --> 00:50:02.038
That could be useful.

00:50:02.938 --> 00:50:03.418
And it was.

00:50:03.818 --> 00:50:04.739
And so again,

00:50:04.858 --> 00:50:06.820
I think playing around with ritual,

00:50:06.860 --> 00:50:07.539
I think playing around,

00:50:08.019 --> 00:50:09.400
understanding that meaning making is

00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:10.221
arbitrary,

00:50:10.260 --> 00:50:11.541
that it is something we

00:50:11.925 --> 00:50:12.565
we can make,

00:50:12.606 --> 00:50:15.788
we make our own meaning can almost like

00:50:16.007 --> 00:50:17.690
paradoxically take some of the meaning

00:50:17.730 --> 00:50:19.751
away from it.

00:50:19.791 --> 00:50:20.971
But like, we can put that back in.

00:50:21.152 --> 00:50:24.152
Meaning making can be a creative process.

00:50:24.293 --> 00:50:25.713
And so you can co-create that with other

00:50:25.733 --> 00:50:25.974
people.

00:50:26.014 --> 00:50:27.135
You can create that yourself.

00:50:28.175 --> 00:50:29.376
I think co-creating is great.

00:50:29.677 --> 00:50:30.617
It's really lovely.

00:50:31.398 --> 00:50:35.119
And, but yeah, the more you practice it,

00:50:35.139 --> 00:50:36.181
the more you engage with ritual,

00:50:36.201 --> 00:50:37.181
the better you're going to get at it,

00:50:37.221 --> 00:50:38.641
the more comfortable you're going to feel

00:50:38.681 --> 00:50:39.041
with it.

00:50:39.101 --> 00:50:39.922
So it is a thing to,

00:50:40.434 --> 00:50:42.376
to do and experience, right?

00:50:42.396 --> 00:50:43.157
It's experiential.

00:50:43.217 --> 00:50:44.297
So if you do something you don't like

00:50:44.336 --> 00:50:45.458
it, change it.

00:50:45.717 --> 00:50:46.418
Do something different.

00:50:46.579 --> 00:50:50.360
If you like some of it and not

00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:51.382
all of it, like, yeah,

00:50:51.402 --> 00:50:52.623
let's learn from that.

00:50:52.742 --> 00:50:53.543
It's a learning process.

00:50:53.583 --> 00:50:54.844
It's skill-based in the sense that the

00:50:54.884 --> 00:50:55.483
more you practice it,

00:50:55.503 --> 00:50:56.144
you get better at it,

00:50:56.164 --> 00:50:57.626
not just on straight repetitions,

00:50:57.666 --> 00:50:59.266
but that we learn from each repetition.

00:50:59.367 --> 00:51:00.166
Oh, that felt good.

00:51:00.226 --> 00:51:00.967
Let's do it again.

00:51:01.007 --> 00:51:02.369
That's what I want to keep doing in

00:51:02.409 --> 00:51:02.748
the future.

00:51:02.768 --> 00:51:03.670
That one was a little off.

00:51:03.690 --> 00:51:04.690
We need to change something.

00:51:05.570 --> 00:51:07.891
So being open to that practice being a

00:51:07.911 --> 00:51:08.893
feedback process.

00:51:11.905 --> 00:51:17.088
Love that.

00:51:17.108 --> 00:51:17.768
I love this stuff.

00:51:17.909 --> 00:51:19.489
Question and answer episodes are always

00:51:19.530 --> 00:51:19.789
fun.

00:51:20.751 --> 00:51:22.092
If you have questions or a topic you

00:51:22.112 --> 00:51:23.032
want me to talk about, please,

00:51:24.253 --> 00:51:25.052
if you're on YouTube,

00:51:25.072 --> 00:51:25.853
drop it down in the comments,

00:51:25.873 --> 00:51:26.353
let me know.

00:51:26.514 --> 00:51:27.974
If you're listening to the pod,

00:51:27.994 --> 00:51:33.737
I have all my stuff linked,

00:51:34.157 --> 00:51:35.438
so you can contact me from various

00:51:35.458 --> 00:51:36.599
different places and let me know.

00:51:36.938 --> 00:51:39.081
If there's ever a Q&A that you're like,

00:51:39.121 --> 00:51:39.320
hey,

00:51:40.460 --> 00:51:41.822
Q&A with this person.

00:51:42.222 --> 00:51:43.282
Returning guests.

00:51:43.362 --> 00:51:44.023
New guests.

00:51:44.463 --> 00:51:45.224
I like co-creating.

00:51:45.264 --> 00:51:45.846
I just said that.

00:51:46.485 --> 00:51:48.728
So, yeah.

00:51:48.788 --> 00:51:50.068
Engage with me.

00:51:52.670 --> 00:51:54.192
I said that in a funny voice because

00:51:54.273 --> 00:51:56.534
I feel bad being like, like and subscribe.

00:51:56.594 --> 00:51:58.775
Engage with the content because that helps

00:51:58.815 --> 00:51:59.637
people find me.

00:52:00.577 --> 00:52:02.199
Because I would love to live in a

00:52:02.259 --> 00:52:03.860
society where we didn't have to do that.

00:52:04.340 --> 00:52:04.740
But we do.

00:52:05.081 --> 00:52:06.862
So, engage with me.

00:52:09.164 --> 00:52:11.626
The end of the year is coming up.

00:52:11.706 --> 00:52:13.646
We will have a few more solo episodes,

00:52:13.746 --> 00:52:17.168
most likely because of how and when I

00:52:17.188 --> 00:52:19.550
have time to record and the energy it

00:52:19.570 --> 00:52:21.431
takes to schedule guests.

00:52:22.072 --> 00:52:24.152
And we'll be back with more new episodes.

00:52:24.472 --> 00:52:25.914
We'll be back next week with another new

00:52:25.954 --> 00:52:26.293
episode.

00:52:26.313 --> 00:52:28.074
We'll be back in the new year with

00:52:28.195 --> 00:52:30.137
our regularly scheduled chat with other

00:52:30.197 --> 00:52:31.878
cool humans and how they navigate their

00:52:31.918 --> 00:52:32.677
mental wellness.

00:52:33.838 --> 00:52:35.039
Until then, take care of yourself.

00:52:35.059 --> 00:52:35.840
Take care of somebody else.

00:52:36.661 --> 00:52:37.001
Peace.