[00:00:00] Welcome back y'all to another episode of the Vagina Rehab Doctor Podcast. Today, I'm holding nothing back. This is a topic that we need to talk about and this is it. Being unmarried, being religious, and being horny. All three of them tend to go together quite often. Something very interesting happened the other week when I was in St.
Kitts. I posted some pictures of my fiance and I. At the beach, having a good time, obviously in swimsuit attire, and so forth. In my caption, I talked about painful sex, the inability of many, women, many people to literally receive sexually. Like, it's impossible for a finger to get in your vagina, or it's impossible to have penetrative sex.
Or, you know, you can have penetration. But it hurts so much or you can't do many positions or you're forcing it. You're gritting through the [00:01:00] pain These are all signs that the body is just not receiving well sexually and so I talked about that in the caption and how I've been practicing ways to start asking for more support from my fiance To start prepping me and teaching me how to receive how to receive love how to receive Support how to receive pleasure and y'all pleasure is not just sexual So if the if the first thing you think of when someone says pleasure is sex like oh, you're talking about sex We need to restructure the way you think about pleasure.
so Someone commented. Do you still believe in Jesus? And, do you still believe in the Bible? Because it looks like you're promoting premarital sex. So, my response to her was that, first of all, the response was complicated. Right? And of course, she commented this publicly. So, you know, my response was public as well.
And I actually made a follow up post on it. And [00:02:00] essentially, what I wanted to use her question as What's a teaching moment for people who are religious but find themselves constantly looking to shame someone for what they think is sin or for what they think is wrong or for what they think is bad. I mean, however you want to word it, because here is the reality.
The first part of the reality is that my name is vagina rehab doctor. 90 percent of what I talk about is about sex. Now, I am unmarried and I am a Christian woman, but that doesn't change my career and the people that I'm looking to help. I'm looking to help people who are suffering with pelvic pain, vaginismus, sexual pain, and other forms of pelvic floor dysfunction, but I'm choosing to specialize specifically with pain with intimacy or tightness so bad that it prevents Sex from happening and so that was [00:03:00] the first thing I had to just let her know and and honestly everyone else who thinks oh Why is she talking about this?
Why is she talking about an orgasm? Why is she talking about pleasure? She's not married because I am a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes in Sexual pain, so I have to make myself comfortable talking about sex libido desire Orgasms, the clitoris, the penis, sex positions, all of that. What am I going to look like going up?
On a public platform, acting shameful to talk about something that people are struggling with for their whole lives. And I'm sitting here with the answer. No, I'm going to talk about it in a liberating way because that's what people are looking for. Regardless of if I'm married or not, right? So that's the first thing that I want us to understand is that even if you're not married, we need to be free.
To discuss sex from all angles. I don't care [00:04:00] if you're religious. Education is not something that any religion denounces. Ignorance should not be anything that any religion denounces. Right? So whether you're Muslim. Whether you're Christian, whether you're Jewish, whatever religion you are, you can still honor God and still learn about pleasure.
You can still learn about what feels good. You can still learn about your sexual anatomy, right? So that was the first thing. The second thing that, that I wanted to point out was with this situation. Was that let's say that I was having premarital sex even though that was not what I was promoting and This person assumed I was only staying with my fiance and we were in some room by ourselves And we're just getting it on, you know having sex.
We I was on a family trip With my whole fiance's family. It was far from sexy. It was a family thing in a family vacation [00:05:00] home The sleeping arrangement was not private We did not have privacy. It wasn't like we were in a corner somewhere, getting in the jacuzzi, me winding on him. That's not what it was, but that's what the person assumed.
So first of all, assuming that someone is doing something just based on what it looks like is wrong, right? And this is promoting this feeling of shame for women and people that are unmarried because they're feeling like, Oh, I can't talk about this. Oh, if I'm doing so and so I can't tell anyone because it's wrong.
I can't tell my mom. I can't tell my friends. I can't tell the church. Because it's so wrong, And then when you get married, so many people are having a difficult time separating what was wrong and what is now right. We should be able to discuss health regardless of whether you're married or not.
This means if you are having pain, there should be no judgment based on your sex, your gender, your religion, your ability with [00:06:00] movement like disability. None of that should come into play when we're talking about health. That's called discrimination when we're using religion, sex, gender to say, no, you have no access to this.
Because of your skin color? Because of your religion? No, we're talking about health here. Regardless of religion, regardless of whether you think someone is abiding by their own religion, they deserve access to a healthy body. No one deserves to be in pain and suffering and all of that. So that's, that's the second thing that we gotta do is we gotta get rid of this shame stuff.
Because it tends to follow us even in the places that we believe are in and Honorable place. So let's say we're having sex before a marriage and it's like, okay, I'm gonna keep a secret or I'm doing something that I'm not proud of. So many people are having a difficult time switching over into, okay, now it's okay because they were functioning under shame, shame, shame for so long.
And shame is not a [00:07:00] concept that God endorses. Shame is a concept that evolved after sin. I didn't mean to preach and for those of you who don't believe in the Bible, I'm not going to stay here very long. This is not a religious episode or a sermon. However, we're talking about Bible believing people because those are the people that can be so judgmental.
If we go into the book of Genesis, shame did not come on the scene until There was sin when Adam and Eve ate from the fruit, then they felt shame in their body. Then they were no longer okay with being naked. Then they try and cover their body. God is sex positive. And I'm not, I'm not endorsing us just going out and doing whatever, not having any boundaries and not following what the Bible has said.
But I'm simply saying that shame is not godly. It is nothing holy about walking around in shame for something that you're doing. Now, having a conscience, feeling remorseful for a decision that you do not feel was morally right, that's different. [00:08:00] Constantly functioning under this idea that I am a bad person because I did this one thing is not something that God endorses. See, I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to preach. So we have to stop doing that y'all because it is contributing to dysfunction, to vaginismus, to pain, so much shame, so much, restriction and repression that when it's time to be free and open up and have fun, there is difficulty. And that is why, that is why I believe my account is so popular because there's so many people suffering.
That part is not funny. But I want, I want us to stop doing this. Stop shaming people in the name of religion, because that is actually not from God. The last thing that I want to say is that if we are religious, If we are unreligious, it doesn't matter. And if we think that someone is not going to get horny When you are unmarried, you are being [00:09:00] unrealistic and you are living in a false reality.
If someone is dating and they are in love with someone and they feel safe with someone and you don't think that they're ever going to touch each other, you don't think that they're ever going to make out, you don't think that their hand might touch their thigh at some point, you You don't think that's ever going to happen.
You're being unrealistic. Now, am I saying that it's smart or it's godly to be quote unquote, playing with fire for a lot of religions? We believe that sex is best honored in marriage, right? So if someone believes that, then yeah, it wouldn't be the smartest thing to be tempting yourself and making out in the backseat because that's just going to make it harder for you.
If you believe that sex is best honored in marriage and God does not condone premarital sex. So if you believe that, then of course you should develop some boundaries and discipline to support your beliefs. But what I'm saying is, it is [00:10:00] unrealistic. If we do not believe that people are going to struggle with that, if you are a parent and you're choosing to not talk to your daughter, your son, your teenager about sex, about pleasure, about orgasms, about all of these things, because you simply don't want them to do it.
You are living in an alternate reality. What's going to happen is they're going to have raging hormones. They're probably going to meet someone and they're going to be met by feelings, sensations, and temptations. And so let's stop being unrealistic. Let's say, okay, more than 50 percent of people, whether they're religious or not, do not wait until marriage.
So maybe we should educate them on how to protect themselves. from disease, maybe we should educate them on what is normal and what's not. Because if your daughter or your son is actually suffering right now with pain, but they're too afraid to tell you or they're finding things that concern them [00:11:00] about their body, but they're too ashamed to tell you that's a problem.
That's a problem. I get DMs from young teenagers and young adults. even who feel that they can't tell anyone about certain findings because they don't feel safe in their own home to tell their mom, We gotta get rid of this shame. It's creating dysfunction. So, the last thing I'm gonna say before I end this episode is that When you are unmarried, you will get horny.
Most likely you will have desires most likely. And if you expect yourself just because you're religious, just because you believe in God to be completely sexually ignorant, you don't want to learn about the clitoris. You don't want to learn about what will feel good in your body. You don't want to learn about sexual anatomy.
Every time you get horny, you try to pray it away. You don't even want to look at your clitoris. You don't even want to clean your clitoris. You think if you just touch your clitoris, it's, it's a [00:12:00] sin. If you remain in this, this concept that, okay, I have to be completely ignorant to all things sex, and all things that feel good, and all, and all things that, that, that talk about pleasure.
And then all of a sudden on your wedding night, you think you're going to automatically love sex. Then baby, may, may God be with you. that's not going to happen most likely. Right. So we need to be healthy and we need to pursue it. Health includes sexual health. Wellness includes sexual wellness.
And if there's a religious person who believes that their God doesn't want you to be well, doesn't want you to be healthy, then, uh, that's an interesting religion. And all of this is coming from someone who is a Bible believer. I am a Christian. I've read through the Bible. I, I preach at different churches.
I, I teach every single weekend with my church. I am a full on believer, but I'm also realistic. And I understand that these are natural God [00:13:00] given urges and we need to figure out how can we honor our body also honor our belief system at the same time. So listen, I want you to know that it's okay to be horny.
It's okay to be religious and it's okay to be unmarried at the same time. It's also okay to express yourself. It's okay. Like, listen, it's okay. Let's make peace with our sexual self and figure out ways to honor the belief system that we have. If you believe in God, how can we honor God but still honor the urges in the body?
And the sensuality that he gave us. How can we do that? That's the question that I'm gonna leave for you today. I really hope that you stay to the end of this episode. I am so excited that you're here. I want to ask you to support me in one way. Can you please leave me a five star raving review if podcast?
Learn something new, inspired, you've thought about something in a different angle. Whatever you're feeling that has improved your life, please help me and leave me [00:14:00] a five star rating review. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode and I can't wait to continue the conversation. I will talk to y'all again next Monday.
Bye.