The Progress Trap

Ever felt like you're making great progress in your life, only to hit a roadblock and lose all motivation? It's like you're cruising along smoothly, then suddenly, life throws a curveball, and you're back to square one. In this episode, I am diving deep into this frustrating cycle and uncovering how to break free from it. 

So, if you've ever found yourself stuck in the progress trap, wondering why it's so hard to keep moving forward, you're in the right place. Let's explore what's really going on behind the scenes and discover some powerful tools for getting unstuck.

What we’ve talked about:

• Understanding the progress trap.
• Exploring common challenges that derail our progress.
• Shifting our mindset around progress.
• Embracing gradual change and consistency.
• Using the analogy of planting seeds to illustrate the process of growth.
• Learning to trust the journey and have faith in our progress.
• Recognizing that setbacks are a normal part of the process.
• Cultivating a mindset of patience and perseverance.

Resources:
⁠⁠Juggling All the Things Workbook⁠⁠
⁠Rebuild Program⁠⁠

Relationship Game Plan Call

Free Conversation Starter Cards for Couples

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

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Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Transcript

Do you ever get stuck in the progress trap, this feeling of like I'm making progress and everything's good for like a week or two or maybe even three and then all of a sudden life happens, a challenge occurs and you drop off on the progress you're making and you just feel like giving up? Well today we're going to be talking about how to break out of that progress trap and better understand what's going on. 

Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast, a place for high achievers to step outside the hamster wheel of day to day life and start learning tools for more balance. I'm your host, Katie Ressler, and I will be guiding you on this journey of discovering your balance code. 

Welcome back to the podcast. Okay. So it's season three and we're going to be diving into a lot more topics about how we work on ourselves, how we work on our relationships. And in season three, you're going to be seeing much more of me. I will be doing more episodes. teaching and not just interviewing people.

So hopefully you will enjoy that. I know I will be enjoying being [00:01:00] back in the teaching seat and giving you guys some tools. Now let's talk about the progress track. So this is a very normal experience for all of us. We get on the train of a new habit, a new ritual, you know, maybe it's taking supplements, maybe it's exercising, maybe it's, trainings for things.

And we, are doing great, right? You're like on point. Yeah, look at me. I'm doing amazing. And sometimes the immediate gratification of needing to see progress fast doesn't always occur. And we start to feel ourselves lose the motivation or we're doing great. And then there's a sick day or sick days, right?

Or you get a phone call and there's a major life challenge that's happened, major situation that's occurred. Or maybe there's just like, you know, it was super sunny. It was easy to go out and run every day. And then all of a sudden it's rainy and cold. And you're like, I'm not motivated. And I don't want to run on a treadmill, right?

Like we have all these reasons why something [00:02:00] won't work. We get into this progress trap of believing that if we want to reach a certain goal, that it has to be all or nothing. So we get in this state of, if I'm not every day, really almost making a 180 change and shift in who I am and how I was and my habits.

Then I'm not progressing. And I see this happen with my couples. And I see this happen with the individuals I work with. There's this constant feeling like if there isn't that big shift within me, and if I don't feel it every day, I'm not progressing and they get stuck in the trap, the trap of what progress actually looks like.

And one of the things that I challenged them to do is to say, what does progress actually mean? So for them, progress really might mean that 180 while I'm completely making a shift in my lifestyle and who I am and how I communicate and you know, what we as a couple do together. And I go, well, that's great.

But how many years were you doing [00:03:00] something different? And now after two weeks, It's supposed to just shift? Like, cool, some people can totally quit cold turkey on certain things, but when it comes to a habit, especially in a relationship where it takes two of you, it's even harder to make consistent progress.

So this trap of I'm not making progress. I'm giving up. There goes motivation. And then we get into this guilt and shame spiral around ourselves. Well, I told people I was working on this goal and now I'm not. So now I need to justify and point the finger at everything else about why it didn't work. Well, then this person got sick and then I got sick.

And then I just, you know, I just lost my motivation and I don't, I'll get back on track, you know, in a few weeks or so. Instead of just being, I stopped. My plan is to, you know, slowly kind of implement this new habit in my life again soon. Um, so we'll see. Progress takes time. Progress isn't a 180. Progress is not black or white.

[00:04:00] I love the mindset around progress of it being a 2 percent change every day. Just 2 percent because if we just make a little shift. Every day towards our goal, one little thing that we can do. Then in a total year, we've made a lot of progress and change. It breaks through that blockage of it has to be short term instant gratification.

I need to see the progress immediately. So it doesn't give us the dopamine hit. but it ensures that we're more consistent with the change that we're making. So we, we have to face that trap, not only of progress, but also if I don't feel good about it all the time, then no progress is being made. Well, that's not true.

Absolutely not true. Let's use, food for instance. Like if I start eating healthy, a little bit of healthy food every day and improving my diet every day by about 2%, right? And adding on, it's not starting from ground zero the [00:05:00] next day. It's starting at that 2 percent the next day and adding two more percent.

And I'm at 4 percent and the next day, the 6%, right? I slowly work that way. Then it will take time for, my body to feel the effects. However, the longer I stick with it, the more naturally, gradually becomes a new way of me eating. All of a sudden, I'm like, wow, this is a habit. I'm enjoying it. I'm feeling better.

And I'm able to stay consistent with it. Even on sick days. Even when the weather's bad. Even when I'm at a party and there's all sorts of other food. Right. When I work with a couple and they're trying to figure out what will our progress looks like? What's our 2 percent progress every day look like?

What is that going to actually look like? So that we feel motivated. I remind them. And it's the same with individuals. When you plant a seed in the soil. And you water it and you put it in front of the sun, you trust that that's what's going to work because that's what your science teacher told you when you [00:06:00] were in elementary school.

This is how a seed grows, right? And as you get older, you better understand why and how and what, but you do that. And each seed you put into that pot, You know, this is what you do. You, you put the seeds in, you water it, you put it in the warmth and you continue to do that day in and day out of taking care of that seed, making sure it's in the sun, making sure it has moisture in the, soil.

 You know, you trust with a matter of time, progress shows itself, but the progress was already happening in the soil. You know, they talk about that, like that darkness, the seed has to be in the darkness before it can show in the light, right? Okay. Yes. What's already happening is roots are forming.

The seed is opening up. It's bursting. Things are starting to occur. There is a reaction happening inside the soil where you don't see it, where you don't see the progress, where you don't feel the progress. But it's still happening. And all of a sudden, when that plant starts to [00:07:00] grow, you don't then go put it in a closet and shut the door and go, ah, it grew good.

It's fine. It'll be good for the rest of, you know, for the next five, 10 years. No, I tell couples like that's like the worst case scenario. You leave it in the sun and you water it and you take care of it. And even if you don't have a green thumb, you do your best, you do what you can. But, you know, the process, the science behind how.

to get a seed to sprout and how to show that plant. Well, it's the same with the progress trap. As we get it, we put the seed in and then we go, well, why don't I see it already the next day? Why don't I see it the day after that? Why isn't there already a plant? I don't understand this. This isn't working.

And we go ahead and put it in the closet. And we go, well, forget that. That didn't work. Move on. Instead of honoring and respecting that the process of growth and change and switching from old habits to new habits takes time. It is a marathon mindset. We're in it for the long run. Not, not short sprints. We want to make it to the finish [00:08:00] line.

We want to reach our vision and our goals. We want to actually be consistent with the progress and not, you know, two, three months out of the year, we're like on it. And then the other months we're like fumbling and trying to figure things out. So use that plant analogy as a reminder that even when you don't feel the progress, do not get stuck in the progress trap of it's not happening.

If it doesn't, I don't see the plant immediately. If I don't see the roots growing while they're in the soil, like, do you want it? You can dig through, you'll see them, but like, then you might actually damage the process of the plant growing. Do you absolutely have to see and feel all of the progress to know that it's happening?

What would it be like if we had that much faith and trust in the process of growth within ourselves, that we plant the seeds. We make sure we create an environment for that growth and that that healthy growth to occur and then we just know it's going to happen. Gosh, wouldn't that take the weight off your shoulders of, Oh my God, it's all on me.

[00:09:00] I have to make this happen. Like it's all like, if it's not occurring, I have to push through. I have to work harder. Oh, this isn't occurring as fast as I want it to. I'm not doing something right. Like, Whoa, the spin out in our minds. You know what that feels like. That feeling of I'm feeling, Oh my God, what will they think of me?

What do I do? But if we just sit with a knowing, I am planting the seeds and every day 2 percent growth within myself. I'm changing my mindset. I'm changing my belief systems. I'm changing my habits, how I communicate, how I interact, how I relate in my relationship, how I relate with others, how I work, boundaries, balance, all of these things, just 2%.

 Then we feel that confidence of knowing the plant is going to grow. And not only is it going to grow, but it's going to consistently flourish because we are being consistent and fertilizing it and taking care of it and honoring and respecting it takes time. Not pulling the seed out and going, did it work?

Is it other roots? [00:10:00] Where's the plant? Why isn't this working? And getting so frustrated. I often find that we are harder on ourselves than we are other people. And if we talk to other people, the way we would talk to ourselves, We would even feel really embarrassed, right? We'd be like, horrible person. I shouldn't say it this way.

I shouldn't talk like this to myself. I shouldn't talk like this to other people, but we do because we've let go of the faith and trust in ourselves and knowing that we can be consistent with 2 percent change and 2 percent growth. No, instead we hold ourselves to, if we can't do a 180 and we can't stay consistent with us, something's wrong.

We want to be the high achiever who does it faster than anybody else and better than everyone else. And I don't know, I'm really kind of tired of that train. Like I'm ready to get off of the train of comparing myself to other people and going, well they could do it like this and they were faster at this.

You don't know what the seed looked like in the soil for them and how long it had been sitting there. You don't know. [00:11:00] You just see on the external the plant that grew. You don't know how long it took. They can tell you how long they think it took. But I often tell my clients, there is changes and shifts already happening in you before you even get to the point where you see the plant.

There are things that are occurring that you didn't even realize before your awareness came to, Hey, I'm progressing. The shifts were already happening. It's just when it becomes a big enough shift that you go, I see it now, I'm more aware. And when we talk about creating balance in our lives. It is a shift that takes time because we have released our control over our time.

We're doing a lot. We're saying yes to a lot of things. We're adding more to our plates for a variety of reasons. and the moment we start to say, no more, I want to change. And we start to make a 2 percent shift. It will take time, but all of a sudden you'll find yourself sitting [00:12:00] outside on a Saturday in the sun drinking, you know, a tea or coffee and going, Oh my gosh, I feel really relaxed in this moment.

I haven't felt this way in a while. And you'll be like, Whoa, I don't feel a need to do. I don't feel a need to be. I have nowhere I need to go. I can actually just sit and enjoy this moment and be present. And my brain isn't going off in a million directions. we get there, it happens. But if we stay in the progress trap of, if I don't see it fast, if the 180 doesn't occur within a matter of days, weeks, months, then it's not happening.

Then we might as well plant the seed and then just put the pot into the closet. Right? Like, who cares? It's not really going to work out anyways, because you're setting it up for failure. You're just setting it up for failure. But if we remove that trap and we say progress takes time 2 [00:13:00] percent every day, what is a small thing I can do today towards that goal I have?

What is a small thing I can do to make progress? And at the end of the day, no matter if I'm sick, a crisis happens, a life challenge, whatever it might be. I know I took one baby step. It feels like a baby step. And that seems so baby, you know, creates a connotation that it's like minuscule, but it is a step towards consistency and achieving what it is.

I actually desire my life versus the instant gratification of yay. I feel worthy right now. Yay. I feel loved right now. Yay. I feel enough right now. Okay. But do you feel that six months later? Probably not because you're constantly searching for that next hit of it. So 2 percent each day progress, growth, trusting and having faith in the process of growth within yourself and knowing there will be setbacks.

That does not mean you did anything wrong. That does not mean the change in growth is not happening. It's [00:14:00] okay. I can't compare my plant to other people's plants because I don't know how long that seed's been in that soil. I don't know how much it was watered. I don't know what the conditions were. I don't know what type of soil it is.

I cannot compare myself. But I can watch over my plant. I can watch over the seeds I plant. I can decide who gets to interact with that. Who gets to be a part of sharing their judgment and their opinions and their thoughts. on the seeds of planting. I have control over that. I love how season one I started with a plant analogy and here we are at the beginning of season three and you're getting another plant analogy.

So hopefully this gives you good imagery and a reminder to give yourself some grace and understand how progress actually looks. So that you take this whole, it has to be this way. And I have to be the best at it and I have to be the fastest. And you just trust in the process and enjoy the ride of the growth and learn to fail forward, learn to trial and error, learn to grow [00:15:00] from the experiences.

You've been through enough of life to already know this. You're just, I'm just giving you a reminder, right? You've gone through enough. Now you have this reminder that, Hey, this is just how growth is. This You've seen it throughout your life. You've seen how change takes time and it's actually good because it's a shock to our system when we make change too fast.

And it's a shock to the relationships around us when we do that too. So that 2 percent progress allows all of us to be really ready to embrace the newness that's going to come, not only within ourselves, but in our relationship.

Now I've mentioned a couple of times in this episode about couples, because a lot of the focus work that I do now is helping couples rebuild their relationship. Every seven to 10 years, we kind of go through this quote seven year itch where we feel a desire for something new. And it can be with the same partner.

Often we just need to rebuild. our relationship. Often, we just need to rebuild our relationship. So it's important that we start to [00:16:00] recognize that it's not always bad when we're desiring for things to shift. word rebuild in the show notes. Click on that and make sure you check out  if you're interested in learning how I'm working with couples now, I would love for you to check out my website, katyressler.

com and you'll learn about the rebuild program, how I'm supporting couples during this time.

So dear listener, wherever you are, however you're listening to this, Welcome back to another season of The Balance Code, and here's to finding our balance.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Take a moment to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform. That helps other listeners just like you to find this podcast too. Want to connect and learn how we can work together? Check out the links in the show notes below.

Discovering your balance code doesn't have to be a one person journey. You can have a team and I'd love to support you. So here's to finding our balance [00:17:00] code.