How to Know when Alcohol is a Problem with Sherri Crowley

Are you feeling overwhelmed by alcohol or substance use and wondering how to break free from it?

In this episode, I sit down with Sherri Crowley, a therapist specializing in burnout, ADHD, and substance use. 

Sherri is a loving, imperfect, connector, therapist, coach, businesswoman, skier, beach lover, daily walk-taking, wife, and mama of 3 boys, who has and continues to sort through the ongoing challenges of life and motherhood & guide others in doing so too.

Sherri shares her insights on why so many people are looking to reduce their alcohol consumption and provides practical advice on how to begin this journey. 

In this episode:

• Increasing awareness and desire to reduce alcohol consumption among people.
• The societal shift and impact of technology on addiction.
• High achievers and substance use
• Societal conditioning and alcohol consumption
• Physical vs. psychological addiction
• Connection is key in overcoming addiction.
• How family habits and cultural norms impact alcohol consumption.
• Observations from different cultures, including Germany, show shifts in alcohol use.
• First steps to reduce alcohol 
• Alternative coping mechanisms
• Importance of seeking support

Connect with Sherri:

Facebook: Sherri Crowley

Instagram: @conciergeconnector https://www.instagram.com/conciergeconnector- Websites:

Therapy Newton: http://www.therapynewton.com

Well Connect Concierge: http://www.wellconnectconcierge.com

Resources:

Couples Goal Setting Workbook
Complimentary Relationship Assessment

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

Level 10 Relationship Assessment

Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Check out the podcast website

Transcript

Katie ep 13

Welcome back to the podcast today. I am with Sherri Crowley and we're going to be diving into addiction. Now those of you who are high achievers probably have something that you know you're addicted to, but in specific we're going to be talking about alcohol and even those drugs that we gravitate toward that we don't maybe want to name, but they are what we use to cope with stress, with the overwhelm, just relax maybe at the end of the day.

 Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast, a place for high achievers to step outside the hamster wheel of day to day life and start learning tools for more balance. I'm your host, Katie Ressler, and I will be guiding you on this journey of discovering your balance code.

Sherri, thank you so much for being here and being willing to dive into this. I'm going to ask you to share a little bit about yourself, what you do and where you are in the world. Yes. Thank you so much, Katie. Yeah. It's my pleasure to be here. This is super fun. so I am in [00:01:00] Boston and the greater Boston, area and right outside of Boston, Newton, Massachusetts, to be specific, I'm a therapist by, by trade.

I specialize in burnout, ADHD and. Alcohol and substance use amongst other things. there's a couple other things, but those are the, main majority of my clients. I. Also have a brand new actually at this time, by the time the podcast is out, it'll be about six months in, a wellness concierge business where I, you can think of it like a live curated Angie's list where I help people particularly overwhelmed, double working.

Parent or single parent families, um,  sort through what it is they're looking for or need in terms of therapy, pregnancy, postpartum care, or other wellness practitioners of any kind, acupuncture, chiropractic, anything, tutors for their kids, [00:02:00] educational consultants, figure out what it is that they're looking for.

What they're looking for what they need and help them get connected to those resources. Very handheld. Very VIP. I do all the back office figuring out sorting through insurance or out of network benefits and getting them directly connected to, those people. So the. When you're already overwhelmed, most of the time when you're looking for these services, you're already overwhelmed and burnt out.

and so I help them get connected to directly, to kind of VIP level handholding to the services. What a great resource and so needed in a time where we're overwhelmed with all the information coming in and you're able to help people and support them in that way. So thank you for doing that. I think that's amazing.

This topic around substance use, you know, the reason that I contacted you and that like, this is the topic I need from you. And you were like, I got this, I can do it. It was because I'm noticing more and more people gravitate to[00:03:00] 

And I think the reason so many are starting to gravitate away from like they want to like, I want to get away from it is because they're realizing how much power it has of their lives and how crappy they feel the next day at work or taking care of the kids or whatever it might be, and just being a normal human being, or they feel, I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I don't know how to break free from it.

The habit, maybe they don't want to call it an addiction. And maybe we can get into the topic about physical versus psychological addiction as well. That trend I'm noticing, I don't want to drink as much Katie. I don't want to like, I don't want to depend on this. What are you noticing? Are you noticing that as well, people are becoming more aware of the alcohol use or maybe it's smoking or whatever.

And wanting to pull away, but not knowing how to break the habit? Yeah, it's actually been super interesting to me over, there's actually a trend of this particular like, generation of people, of younger people, there's actually some studies showing there are More people moving away that kids are drinking and smoking and substance use less.

my theory. Some of my theory is, actually, the way society's changed of how we [00:04:00] connect often through like video games, particularly I'm talking about like teenagers and young maybe more, but that's kind of turned into its own thing. And there's whole addiction pieces around that, but I have found it interesting in terms of the substances that there is some trend of kids.

And teens, early twenties, young adults, using alcohol and substance use, use substances less. That said, there's still plenty of people using them as a coping mechanism. you mentioned kind of high achieving people. Um, and I think that there's a real societal. High achievers often there's a lot of perfectionism, obviously, the lot of societal pressures and expectations and, alcohol throughout time has always been, I mean, saying alcohol, but you just always include substances or whatever it is, as you said, in your mind, has been used as a stress.

An [00:05:00] anxiety reliever as people strive for success. and I think there's a conditioning societally where it's been perceived as a reward or a necessary tool for relaxation. You always hear, you know, the wine o'clock thing with, you know, moms or, for instance, and, I think there's a real piece of like that's what you do.

And that's how sometimes getting away from that. I think one of the keys is people don't even know what, what else would I do? Yes. Absolutely. No, you're right. I think it's. Okay. I'm supposed to change this. It's not good for me. I don't feel good. What do I do then? That's exactly what my clients come with.

What do I do then? Like this is the only way I have found that works and it's been my friend thick and thin. Yes. Yes. There's a real component of And there's also a huge piece of it is, um, connection. It's interesting. I don't know how familiar your listeners are or aren't with Gabor [00:06:00] Mate. but he has a book.

Called in the realm of hungry ghosts. And And if you don't know, he's a doctor, in Canada, he's around the world. He's like a big speaker, et cetera. But the reason I'm bringing him up at the very moment, he's very loved and very hated around political issues, but I'm not talking about any of that here.

I think his, um, his take on addiction, he worked for many, many years with like very hard. Addicted population up in Western Canada, or I guess Ontario. I think I don't know where he was, um, is, but he, I think he even talks about it and there's a Russell brand has a documentary and they're taught him and Russell are discussing this.

Opposite of addiction isn't sobriety as much as it is connection, and that is a key point where people in order to cope and get away from the from alcohol or substance use connection is really key. I think that is the not everybody goes to 12 step programs, but that's 1 of [00:07:00] the. Key components of 12 step programs is the fellowship and the connection that people have, or getting connected.

It doesn't have to be that way. There's a million not. There's not one way to cut down your drinking or but in any way you do connection, finding other. Things and places where you can connect is key. Yeah, I agree with that. And I think that the more we kind of reflect on our own maybe drinking style of what we're doing at the end of the day.

What is it we're searching for when we remove that? What is it we're going to need? And yeah, some of it is like, I need to fill that space with something that brings that comfort. Right. Let's talk about the difference between physical addiction and psychological addiction, because I think the listeners need to understand that sometimes if they think, well, is my drinking a problem?

I don't know. I don't know. Is it an addiction? I don't know. There's a lot of questions around it because today's world talks a lot about the physical addiction and not [00:08:00] the psychological addiction. So how do you explain to people the difference between the two? So, 1 way I often explain the difference is the nuance between.

The compulsion, which can often be physical. I mean, of course, that depends how much how heavy, of a drinker you are over what period of time, the body does develop a tolerance and,  alcohol if you're a serious, heavy drinker, and dependent on it physically, you can die from alcohol detox without help. Now, most people have not. I don't know if it's most the majority of people haven't crossed that line where they can't stop physically. but psychologically people develop emotional and behavioral patterns around alcohol when they're using it as a coping mechanism to regulate their mood.

another physical obstacle back for a second that I another physical component is, you know, due to alcohol, we look at [00:09:00] it as a relaxing, thing because it temporarily relieves feelings of stress and anxiety by depressing the central nervous system. and, you know, it releases neurotransmitters like GABA dopamine and pleasure and reward.

Neural transmitters, however, even though it's, provides that temporary relief, it ultimately is a depressant because it slows the brain function. It impairs your cognitive and motor skills. And over time, it can lead to actual changes in your brain chemistry and structure, which increases your dependence.

And can increase depression and anxiety. So that's all there is that, but the, psychological piece, is kind of where it can become, an obsession. And that's all mental, this connection between needing it to cope, this connection between not knowing, Again, I go back to, like, what else would I, what else does 1 do?

and [00:10:00] not everybody has that. but people who have trouble stopping often, do. I'm not, am I being, I'm not sure. Am I answering the question? so the the physical addiction is I've heard it described as like that that itch that there's no External reason to do it. There's an internal I need the psychological addiction is the this happened, so I need to do this to deal with it.

I think that, that's really what you're getting at. It's like, it's, it's this, this is my habit. This is what I do to handle this. This is how I cope with this. Like, this is part of just what I do. Yes. What I do. And sometimes who I am, you know, there's often a big identity piece around, I'm the party person.

I'm, or I'm the. Relaxed person with this, because when I don't have this, I'm not that, person, or I don't know how to talk with people, or I don't know how to connect with people. Right. And if there's a family component of like, this is how my parents were winding down at the end of the day, or this is how they [00:11:00] celebrated, or this is how they hung out with friends and they would all, you know, get drunk together, whatever.

Then you have that piece of this is comfortable and normal. Even if I don't agree with it, logically, there's a part of it that feels. What you're supposed to do. This is what you do. Right. What else would you do? Who celebrates? How do you celebrate without some kind of substance? Right, right. Like that just seems so foreign.

Living in Germany where beer is, you know, everywhere all the time. When I say about an event, like, well, we don't really have to have alcohol, but it's like, you know, like what? And I'm like, I'm sorry, this is very revolutionary idea. We actually can celebrate without drinking. But I get it. Sometimes it's so ingrained in family and culture and you know, whatever it might be that the idea of something different is like me telling you the sky is actually yellow and it's always been yellow.

Yeah, we're just taught to see it as blue. No, it is blue, [00:12:00] but you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like, no, there's absolutely no way it could ever be yellow. Well, that's so interesting. I'm curious. Societally, like Germany, we are in Europe in general, we're out where there's a different, somewhat form, around alcohol.

And do you find as many people who struggle to stop or to not? As as here or more or well, what I think is, is it gets masked very easily. what I have noticed in the trend of just the area that I live in is 1. we're seeing a trend of more alcohol free beer drinks and so that is regularly ordered.

I'm finding that, My age group, late thirties, early forties are ordering that much faster than a regular one. And even older generations, we're noticing that too, you know, in our community, just in general, you'll see at a restaurant, more people ordering the alcohol free, they just want the taste, right.

That's [00:13:00] that habit. Like I still do the drink, but I'm removing. the level of alcohol, because again, alcohol free doesn't really mean anyway, it's so like, right. It's not zero people. You got that. but I would say that those who do struggle, it's easy for family members and friends to go, Oh no, they don't have a problem.

No, they're fine. No, everything's okay. Like, cause they're not. able to see it in that light here as much as I noticed in the United States. I think some of that trend is changing. I think more people are being aware of older family members who do have alcohol problems and going like, Ooh, I don't want to end up like them.

So that's why they're doing the alcohol free route. Right. I'm hearing more of my friends talk about that. Like, Oh gosh, they, you know, they're this year's old and they're still getting drunk. or the discussion of like, I don't like how I feel the next day. My clients, that's a regular, like, I'm realizing this is not fun.

Like the instant gratification isn't worth the long term effects. And you're like, [00:14:00] Yeah, absolutely. I know for me, one of my rules is I do not use alcohol to cope and I'm very careful to even use it to celebrate. So it's like, well, when do you actually need alcohol? Exactly. It's kind of like when you go, there's a neutral feeling about this.

It's not for a high, it's not for a low, it's a neutral and I'll have it. Sure. Fine. It's okay. But it isn't because of a, a, a need to celebrate or a need to cope. And I, over the last few years, I've gotten very strict with myself on that because I didn't want the dependency. It's very easy. As you said, when at the end of the day, you've had a stressful day to go, this is the only way I know how to wind down.

And for a while there, I knew that experience, but I thought to myself, like, this is not, you know, this is that path that gets dangerous. as a mom of the slippery slope of it's five o'clock somewhere or one o'clock and you're like, no, I don't, I don't tend to love going with the trends of [00:15:00] people. So I'm like, no, I don't really want to go with that trend.

So, yeah, I mean, I think culturally there are shifts happening. And I would say even people that I've met from different countries around the world, There, it shifts in the generation, but you're right. There's a new addiction coming and it's the tech world. Yes. Yeah.

So my, my last question sort of wrap us up is, if somebody is like, okay, I, I do kind of see that this is something I want to stop. There's a problem here. What are your like first two steps recommendation of what to do next? Once they go, like, I think I have a problem or I'm realizing I don't want to depend on this as much.

What do you usually advise people to do? I usually advise people to start by trying to, or not trying, by cutting back and doing so by Setting clear kind of like any other goals, right? Clear achievable limits for themselves. I think it's really important to not set yourself up [00:16:00] for failure by making these huge changes.

And this isn't any, change, know, making huge changes all at once. I think you start by setting clear. Achievable limits. Now, some people they can say they can just do all or nothing, but people who generally can't start by setting, lower, I'm only gonna do one drink or two drinks today, or whatever your limits, are.

I only drink on weekends, et cetera. and then the other thing that is a must with. concurrently with this is exploring alternative coping mechanisms for stress. It'd be exercise. It can be meditation. It can be. Those are great things to replace with hobbies and support. I guess this is 3 things, but support from friends, or family, or a therapist, or to support somewhere from and that means looking for supportive people.

Sometimes that [00:17:00] means for a period of time, hanging out less with the. People you were drinking heavily with,  or and that's not always forever. it's for a period of time till you feel confident and clear that you can, um, that you can cope. and so sometimes that is avoiding situations where your temptation is high.

Um, keeping, as you mentioned, maybe you start with non alcoholic beverages in those situations, even though, as you said, they do have a little bit of alcohol. and really knowing your, the things that are going to trigger you and. Staying away from those things for a period of time, I'll just say one thing, for the majority of people, these types of interventions will work.

There are people who moderation, there are some real alcoholics. I would say when I, when I say real alcoholics, these are people who cannot. Stop and some of these people are high functioning, high achieving people, but I'm not talking about people under a bridge only or necessarily. and there is a subset of [00:18:00] people who moderation cutting back does not work for and and that people know if they're that person by trying it and finding out that, you They cannot do it and it's not willpower they're just incapable of doing that.

And for those people, it's key to, to, they can't do moderation or cutting back. They're going to have to, they will find out that it's like, stop and get help or don't. But for the more. People, starting off clear, actionable goals and, find and replacing with more healthy coping mechanisms is probably the two places to start.

I love that you share that. And that first one, I'd like start to cut back. Some of my clients, their favorite thing to do now is to make themselves a fun, non alcoholic drink while they're cooking, while they're eating dinner at the end of the night to feel special still, because there's something about the pouring and [00:19:00] there's something about the sipping.

The routine. Right. The routine and it's comforting to have that routine. So now that, you know, they mixed together some things, different juices, sparkling water, and put a lime in it. And they're like, Ooh, it just like, you know, in a straw, it feels special still, and they have said that has been enough. Like they realized the alcohol guests, they needed to learn other coping skills for the stress, but it was the habit and the routine, the tradition of how you end your day that they were like, ah, I just needed to replace it with a different activity that felt the same.

So my brain was like. Completion. You're, you know, your day's done. You've ended it with your nice drink kind of thing. So that's a great tip as well. And that thank you to those clients. Cause you're probably listening who have shared that with me. Cause that's been pretty powerful to share with other people.

So Sherry, thank you so much for coming in, explaining to us a little bit more about what's going on, why we might be gravitating to the bottle at the end of the day. And how to recognize if it's a problem or not and taking those steps towards improving. [00:20:00] If people want to connect with you after this episode, where can they find you?

so they can find me on Facebook is, Sherry Crowley, at, Instagram is at concierge connector. and then I have. My two websites, www.therapynewton.com is my therapy website and my wellness concierge website is www.wellconnectconcierge.com. Well, I'll make sure all those links are in the show notes so people can find you and follow what you're doing.

And especially if they want to work on the wellness concierge, work with you, be a part of that. Again, thank you for your time. I know it's early in the morning for you. Thank you for coming and sharing your thoughts and really helping to educate us. Thank you, Katie. This was really fun. And I love your tips, especially that last one.

Thank you. I have to give it to my clients. They're the ones. So [00:21:00] thank you. Thank you. And dear listener, here's to finding our balance code. 

Thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Take a moment to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform that helps other listeners just like you to find this podcast too. Want to connect and learn how we can work together? Check out the links in the show notes below.

Discovering your balance code doesn't have to be a one person journey. You can have a team and I'd love to support you. So here's to finding our balance code.