Become the Hero of Your Own Story with Jack Kindred

Are you the hero of your journey, or have you unknowingly become a victim of life? 

In this episode, I welcome life coach Jack Kindred to explore the concept of the hero's journey in our lives, especially for high achievers. 

Jack has been a Life Coach for 3 years. It is his third Act. The first was as a lawyer. The second was a stay-at-home dad with two daughters, one with special needs. The challenges have been great. The rewards have been greater.

Jack shares his personal story of transitioning from a lawyer to a stay-at-home dad and eventually to a life coach, revealing how these experiences shaped his understanding of life's challenges. 

We discuss the critical shift from being a victim to becoming the owner of your life's narrative, the importance of slaying personal "dragons" like imposter syndrome, and the role of virtues in achieving a balanced life. 

We also talk about the power of presence, stillness, and the surprising benefits of walking as a form of meditation and reflection.

In this Episode:

• Understanding life's challenges as a series of heroic journeys and the importance of choosing to face them.
• The essential mindset shift from feeling like life happens to you, to owning and learning from your experiences.
• Identifying and overcoming personal challenges like imposter syndrome and fear of failure.
• Using wisdom, courage, love, and other virtues as tools on your journey to a balanced and flourishing life.
• The importance of being present and mindful to hear your inner voice and guide your actions.
• How walking can help quiet the mind, connect with your inner self, and find clarity in challenging times.

Connect with Jack:

Email him: Jackkindred@williamsburgcounseling.com.

Resources:

Couples Goal Setting Workbook
Complimentary Relationship Assessment

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

Level 10 Relationship Assessment

Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Check out the podcast website

Transcript

Welcome back to the podcast today. I have Jack Kindred and we're going to be discussing how we can find our hero's journey. 

Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast, a place for high achievers to step outside the hamster wheel of day to day life and start learning tools for more balance. I'm your host, Katie Ressler, and I will be guiding you on this journey of discovering your balance code.

Now you might be thinking, this is not Greek mythology. What are you talking about? But we'll be diving into what that really means as high achievers for us to better understand that our life's journey has a hero part to it.

So Jack, thank you so much for being here, being a part of this podcast. Do you mind introducing yourself, sharing a bit about what you do, where you are and who you serve? Yeah, I'm very grateful to be here. Thank you for having me on again. My name is Jack Kindred, and I am a life coach in the United States, specifically Seattle, Washington and, um, My story is curious.

I used to be a lawyer and did that [00:01:00] for many years until the arrival of my daughters, which was 20 years ago. My second daughter had special needs, which kind of dictated that I stay home with her. And that really gave me an interesting existence going from a boardroom to all the rooms attached to parenting.

But that ARC lasted about 17 years. And so about three years ago, kind of came out the other side and what's next. And with all my life experience, all the doors I got to peek behind, all the curtains I got to peek behind as a lawyer, plus the education I got, diving into parenthood, those, uh, kind of, provided me with the ability to understand life and it served me well in my coaching endeavors.

So that's what I'm doing today. That's excellent. Can we just stop and say how humbling an experience it is to be like you said in those the boardrooms and then all of a sudden you're wiping up poop and you're doing [00:02:00] things and you're carrying your child and doing it's very humbling and it reminds you that you're doing The identity we wrap up in our career doesn't really matter.

Well, and that was the profound message that was thrust upon me, right? I didn't go looking for it, but there it was. And it's one of those things you mentioned that the hero's journey, this is where I found it because what, you know, what is happening? What, what can I do with this? And, and am I going to Go on that journey at all, you know, that's where the question is asked and then the decision is yes I'm going to go on that journey and if you're familiar with the story What is the dragon then and how do I go about slaying it? And then what am I going to bring back to the community? as on the back end of my journey, so yes the the humbling nature of things Was wonderful was difficult, but it's the greatest gift i've ever been given.

Yeah, absolutely. Well You So you've just sort of shed light on that story [00:03:00] and what the hero's journey looks like. I think often in life, it's much easier for us to fall into the victim of life rather than the hero in our lives. Can we start with that shift first of, the belief systems we may have maybe from our childhood or what we saw modeled within, you know, in our parents around.

I'm a victim to life versus I am the hero in my own journey. Yeah, that's the big shift. and I talked to my clients about that one a lot. I generally, don't go directly to hero necessary, but victim to owner. that's the distinction I make. Right. And it's so significant. And I don't know if it's this day and age, but it certainly feels like it, that temptation to be a victim with all of the, All of the attendant stress, all the information coming at you, all of the, examples of victimhood that are coming at you in this world of, of information overload.

but it's a slippery slope and it's a, [00:04:00] it's one of the worst places you can be. But if you can make that shift to owner, so instead of, I can't believe this is happening to me, to this has happened, happening to me, bring it on. What can I learn from this? How can I be better? How can I be the best version of myself in light of what is happening to me?

and that's the shift. Yeah. And that's certainly, sorry to interrupt you there. And that's certainly what you want on your various heroic journeys, right? Because it's not just one, it's a good life is a series of heroic journeys. So it sounds like the shift to becoming the owner is about how we describe what's happening to us and the empowerment we feel in our resilience, right?

And our strength and our personal ability to handle anything that comes. So how do you help your clients see that the resilience is already kind of built in? So that's where it starts is explaining that to them that they, [00:05:00] because most of what I do as a coach is not Yes, I give them skills to find that thing that already resides in them.

And I guess that's the point. That's what I do is I pull out what is already there. It's, the rare case that I'm actually trying to instill that. And so part of it is being still and getting out of your own way to hear that voice and find that power. but it's in all of us. And so what. We're talking about here is that reactive discipline.

and if you're familiar with Viktor Frankl, who talked about stepping into the gap, right? That's what it is, is stepping into the gap between stimulus and response. That's the first step. That's the main tool. So whatever is happening to you, instead of simply reacting to it. Is realizing, no, I have this power to stop, step into that gap and formulate, the best response for that situation, understanding and having that attitude that you actually are [00:06:00] happy, not happy necessarily, but in a proper frame of mind to know that the obstacle is the way that this thing that is happening to you can be very educational and helpful, right?

And so you actually, again, it's, funny, the language behind it to invite the struggle. I think everybody understands what that means. It's, it's again, that shift in your mindset mindset. And I think Jack, if we think about the wisest people in our lives and the people that we look up to, They tend to be very calm in their answers and responses and methodic and even take a pause.

So if, if we see these people in our lives already modeling this for us, and we see them as like, wow, look at them. It's a good reminder that really stepping into that, gap, that space between. the triggering event and how you respond can be the most promising is what you're saying. You know, it's the most promising to change the habit, to shift the behaviors and to shift the thought process.

Now you [00:07:00] mentioned a dragon. So let's talk about these dragons that we face in our lives and how they show themselves. They can be sneaky. They can be profound. They can be scary. they can be large and they can be small, and that's why when I said earlier, a series of heroic journeys, that's what it is.

but we all generally have that one big one that stands in our way, and that's part of what the journey is. It's, it's going after some of those bigger ones that generally derive from our childhood, or a trauma or something like that. I heard what somebody say the other day, being on the journey is not sidestepping lizards, right?

It's facing the dragon. And so once it's identified and once you start on that journey, then you battle the dragon. And here's what really got my attention when I started to study this and apply it to my own life. I was like, [00:08:00] okay, you fight the dragon and you kill it and then off you go. And, then Joseph Campbell says, no, it's, it's so much more than that.

You slay the dragon and you then assume its power. And that just set me back and, and I thought about it. And then now I'm overtly going on my own heroic journey with being mindful of it. And then slaying a particular dragon and then realizing the truth behind assuming that power. It's quite extraordinary, and then that's one of the things that, if you're familiar with the journey, you slay the dragon, you learn, you assume its power, and then you bring that back home, or back to the community.

Campbell called it bringing back the boon. I had never heard the word boon before, but that's what he, the treasure, right? Treasure, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so what we mean by dragons are things like imposter syndrome, [00:09:00] fear of failure, right? What will other people think of me? These dragons that show up in our lives on repeat that are those false beliefs or fears or, maybe it's, unhealthy relationships, codependency, whatever it might be.

These are the dragons he's describing those things that you keep facing that are challenges and you're like, The victim goes, why does this keep happening to me? But the owner goes, okay, this keeps happening, so let's do something about it. Right, Jack? Right, right. There's a much better answer to the question you asked earlier.

Oh, no, no, no. I love that. No, I was like, okay, that's what you meant. Yes, those, are the dragons. And it's funny that you mentioned imposter syndrome because that really keeps coming up, in my practice. And. Such a great example. It's like, here is the dragon and I need to slay it and I need to go on that journey.

And what does that look like? And it's, you know, idiosyncratic. It's, unique to, to each of [00:10:00] us, but once you identify it and go after it and slay it, there's such power in it. One of the biggest gifts that I've been given in my own life, not only just working with clients, but also getting to meet people who kind of became mentors and going and seeing.

Speaking places and, you know, meeting bestselling authors was to hear their journeys, to hear that even in the moments of speaking on stage, they were just as nervous as I was. And they'd been speaking on, you know, Ted talk type stuff. Like they'd been doing big stages. And I was like, ah, this is just the human experience.

This is just normal when you feel a bit like a novice or a new situation or a new group to speak in front of that. My dragons might feel unique to me, but their dragons have a similar shade as well, right? Similar color, similar style, and we all have to face them. That helped me heal so much in the sense of, okay.

And honestly, it will not matter what stage I have to speak on. It will not [00:11:00] matter what new situation I'm going to be in. I will feel a level of butterflies and anxiety and oh my God, I'm going to throw up. And like, that's normal, right? Like that is the dragon of, am I going to, I feel like an imposter. Am I allowed to do this?

It's new that. We all are on our journey. So I love that you talk about like, we're all going on multiple journeys. It's not one has mastered a journey better than the other. It is you're on your journey. You soak up the gifts of learning from that dragon and you might face another one that has a similar appearance.

imposter syndrome moment. But that's that next dragon that has a lesson for you. So I love that you're bringing this in. Now, I know you like to bring in virtue work, too. So let's go there. How do you bring in the work of our virtues and living our virtues on this hero's journey? So, ancient wisdom came up with these cardinal virtues.

And those served everybody quite well. And then modern science rolls [00:12:00] in and with all the, ability to, um, scientifically explore the same things, to no one's surprise, they came up with the exact same virtues, right? It was more of a confirmation exercise. And so, What ancient wisdom and modern science have agreed on is to live the best life, to live a flourishing life, is to put virtues into action.

So I like to think of these virtues as the tools that you're taking on, your journey with you. And so what virtues are we talking about? wisdom, Right. To know the game that you're playing here in life, which is to be the best version of yourself in service to something greater than yourself. And then gratitude, which is important for everybody.

And one of the best things you can do to write, to, to raise your happiness level, love, right. For yourself, for your family, for friends and beyond. Curiosity as a virtue, which was one that was a surprise [00:13:00] for me, but that, exploration and excavation that one does to figure out what's working, what's not, and what needs work, right?

And then self mastery or discipline. You know, it's one thing to to do right and to study these things and to be a librarian, but knowing what to do and then doing it are two different things. So moving from theory to practice to mastery. and then zest, energy. Right, focusing on our fundamentals, which is eating, breathing, sleeping, moving, focusing, prospering.

These things are fundamental to all the other virtues, because if we're not maximizing that, then we're, not at our best. and then courage. acting in the face of fear. and then lastly, hope. So these are all things that we're all familiar with, but to focus on them, to dig into them a little bit, and then to put them into action.

I have found that to be, even [00:14:00] personally, that's, been, that's been The source, the biggest source of my own growth, and it's really helpful for my client. Dare I say it, dear listener, I feel like Jack just uncovered the code to balance in life. This podcast is called The Balance Code. You literally just listed everything that I was like, Yep.

That creates balance in our life. Yep. That creates balance. Yep. When we live those virtues, balance and order happens. So, uh, thank you, Jack. You've still, the podcast is now done. We're done. No more need for interviews. We've solved the balance code though. So these are beautiful virtues, but how, like, how do you put that into practice on a regular basis?

What are you teaching your clients? So, to put these on a compass, right? And, and so we've got the, the cardinal virtues at North, South, East, and West. So wisdom, self mastery, love, and courage. Those are the primaries, but you can have this compass in front of you. I've done it [00:15:00] so many times. I've got it locked into my brain, but there's something that goes along with that.

And that is being present, right? So doing the work to learn of the power of presence. And there's meditation, and any, form. That's the other thing I'm teaching my clients. Meditation isn't necessarily, you know, you don't need to be a monk and sit cross legged and do everything right and incent.

No, it's whatever, works for you. The simplest of just breathing exercises are sitting still clearing the mind. But it's being present to listen to that voice, which the Greeks called the daimone, right? Then everybody has it. It just knows, but you need to be still to hear it. And then if you have these virtues, in front of you or, or being mindful of them, what is extraordinary is if you're still and you have the ears and the spirit to hear, And you just go around this compass [00:16:00] every single day from inside of me or from other whatever the source is, I hear what virtue is important for that day or that moment or which combination.

Like, I know when I'm not being courageous, right? I know if there's And by courageous, I mean there's a difficult phone call I need to make and I've been procrastinating, right? It can be that small. Because our infinite potential, right, is right on the other side of our comfort zone. Not anything grand, per se, but So it might be, Hey, Jack, make the phone call, right?

Let's go. Or, self mastery will pop up and discipline. Have you been eating well? Have you really been working out? If you feel really bad right now, you haven't been working out. and then curiosity. The whole month for me has been curiosity. It keeps coming up. What's working? What's not? And what needs work in order to optimize your life, in order to be better?

So, [00:17:00] Be present and have them at the front of your mind, and you'll readily hear what you need to do. I love that. Really checking in with yourself on a regular basis. Not just even once a day, but maybe multiple times a day when you think of it. I think that's really important. I'm thinking about the listener who Has been, you know, hit down by waves of life, just one thing after another, after another, every dragon right is coming and it just seems like a period or a season of life of a lot of challenges.

And maybe they don't feel like the hero. They know they're fighting the dragons, but they don't feel like the hero. What hope can you give them on the journey? They're on right now.

 Picture, um, Yourself on the other side of that and feel what it feels like to be heroic. Think about what that identity is, what that person looks like and feel like them, or at least think about feeling them. And it is really interesting how [00:18:00] that identifying that identity. And then acting like that person that you have come up with actually makes a big difference.

It might sound trite and silly, and yet it's not. It, it, you, pretend to be the thing and then you become that thing. Like a full embodiment. So visualization, visualize what they look like, what are they doing, how are they feeling at the end of it, and then walking that. Really embody. Yes.

And the key there, too, is the walking, the moving, the action. Don't stop taking action, because it's the movement that is absolutely imperative, And, you mentioned walking, too. The other thing that's been interesting, on my own journey and learning and, really thoughtful.

Profound people, particularly, uh,  in the past talk about walking, walking, walking, walking, and I have implemented walking as a part of who I am and the thinking I'm [00:19:00] doing, and it really is profound to walk and to think so actually, the more I think about it, that's where I would start with that person. You just asked about walk, walk and think, walk and think about these virtues.

Just another tool to add in, but it's, it's a powerful exercise, despite its simplicity. Have you ever done a walking meditation in the labyrinth? Have you had that experience? I have not done it, but I know what you're talking about. Oh my goodness. Please have that experience in your life because it is quite powerful.

In my master's program, we were able to go to an institute that had a rock labyrinth on the ground. And just imagine you've got this huge labyrinth in front of you and you, can see the end. It's not like I'm with bushes, right? Like you're able to see where you're walking, but you're. You go in with a question, a thought, a challenge, right?

You go into, walk around, walk around, walk around into the center. And then you kind of mentally release [00:20:00] it. And then as you walk out, you open yourself up to the answer. And it's a really powerful experience. And I think sometimes we think we need that structure for a walking meditation like you're describing.

But you just, just go for a walk anywhere. You don't have to have a,

You can just really walk in your neighborhood, thinking, allowing the space to mull over the challenge, you know, mull over the journey you're on, mull over the dragons. I love that you said walking, because that really helps our brain and our body get way more connected. And most people forget that. Most people forget the integration of the two.

I love that you know exactly what I'm talking about. There's such power in it. and it's a, and it facilitates for a lot of people, that stillness, right? Because stillness is a big key in all of this. And we're all in this flurry of activity with all of this information, coming at us. And we don't fully appreciate [00:21:00] the impact that it has on us, on our psyche.

And this, low grade chronic anxiety that, we're suffering if we're allowing ourselves to be subject to all this information. And, then we were trying to finance answers. And the answer is in the stillness, because that voice is there to be heard. If you can stop to hear it. And your gift of sharing with people, the tool of walking helps to quiet the monkey brain.

I call it the monkey brain, hamster wheel, whatever you want to call it. It really actually, biologically does. because of happy hormones, right? You got dopamine and we're going and we're like, woo, endorphins, yay. And then you can think clearly. So you just nailed it. Like, we need that to, to ha create stillness.

Sometimes you actually have to movement to create the stillness. Yeah. Yeah. I heard an interesting, description of a, of a conversation the other day. Somebody said, you know, when you're talking with somebody and they're [00:22:00] not listening to you. and you can see it, and you can feel it, and what do you do then when you feel that, right?

You stop talking. You stop communicating with any depth. And I'm thinking, where is this going? And then the person said, That's what's going on with your inner voice, your daimon, or the universe, however you want to look at it. Is it, is it ready to talk, but you're not paying attention? So it stops because you, you can't hear.

And I, and, and that really motivated me to appreciate that voice on the other side, I'm going to be present so it can feel free to talk. and again, from personal experience, it was powerful. That's a beautiful analogy, like that, working with couples. I'm like, oh my god, that's a perfect analogy. We all know that feeling of you're not really listening to me and that inner voice going, well, you're not really listening to me.

So, right. Yeah. So what if the universe is feeling that same thing or [00:23:00] again, however you want to define it. Yeah, yeah, right. Absolutely. To each their own. Jack, this has been such a pleasurable conversation. I thank you for your wisdom and your willingness to walk us through kind of what this journey looks like.

Do you have any last thoughts you want to leave us with before we figure out how to connect with you? you know, a good thought on the hero's journey. There's a, a documentary called Binding Joe, and it, the Joe is Joseph Campbell. but it's on, YouTube. If you guys have YouTube over there, I assume you Mm-Hmm, you do.

But it's free on, on YouTube. and it's a documentary with really some profound thinkers coming together to celebrate and describe and to teach on this. But I've never seen a better, more condensed. Version of, of what this is and how powerful it can be. So I would, I would say go watch finding Joe. And honestly, it'll have a significant impact on your life.

Awesome. Yes, I will try my best to find that. Link it then in the show notes [00:24:00] so people can go and watch it. Jack, if they wanna connect with you, if they wanna learn more from you, how do they do so? they can reach me at Jack kindred@williamsburgcounseling.com. Or the phone number there is 757 903 2406.

Excellent. Thank you so much, Jack, for your time and sharing all your thoughts with us. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me on. And dear listener, here's to finding our balance code. 

Thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Take a moment to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform. That helps other listeners just like you to find this podcast too. Want to connect and learn how we can work together? Check out the links in the show notes below.

Discovering your balance code doesn't have to be a one person journey. You can have a team and I'd love to support you. So here's to finding our [00:25:00] balance code.