What's Blocking Your Success? with Sherry D'Elia

Are you a high achiever, constantly striving for success but feeling like something is holding you back? Do you find yourself repeating patterns or hitting brick walls despite your best efforts? 

In this episode, I sit down with Sherry Delia, we dive deep into the subconscious blocks that may be hindering your progress and discover how to break free from them. Sherry Minniti D'Elia, LCSW, CFEP, CBCP, is the Founder and Owner of Holistic Psychotherapy. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Flower Essence Practitioner, and Certified Body Code and Emotion Code Practitioner. Sherry also has an Integrative Certificate in The Trauma Resource Model, Levels 1 and 2.

In this insightful conversation, Sherry shares the hidden patterns that keep high achievers from reaching their full potential. Together, we dive into the subconscious blocks that often hinder success, such as the discomfort of positive outcomes, scarcity mindset, and fear of leaving loved ones behind. Whether you're new to the concept of subconscious limitations or seeking to deepen your understanding, this episode is packed with valuable takeaways to help you identify and overcome these challenges, paving the way for greater success and fulfillment.

In this Episode:

• How childhood experiences shape our beliefs and behaviors in profound ways.
• Why success may feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable if it contradicts past experiences.
• Why scarcity mindset and fear of abandonment can create subconscious blocks.
• The reason why it’s essential to acknowledge and work through underlying wounds to achieve true success.
• The power of small, consistent steps that can lead to significant breakthroughs.

Connect with Sherry:

Her email: sherrymdelia@gmail.com

Website: holisticpsychotherapyct.com

Facebook: @holisticpsychotherapyct

Instagram: @holisticpsychotherapyct

LinkedIn:  linkedin.com/in/sherryminnitidelialcsw  

Youtube:  www.youtube.com/@sherrymdelia-holisticpsych28  

Resources:

Couples Goal Setting Workbook
Complimentary Relationship Assessment

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

Level 10 Relationship Assessment

Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Check out the podcast website

Transcript

Welcome back to the podcast. Today, I've got Sherry Delia, and we're going to be talking about what those subconscious blocks are that are keeping you from the success you desire in your lives. Welcome to the Balance Code Podcast, a place for high achievers to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and start learning tools for more balance. I'm your host, Katie Rustler, and I will be guiding you on this journey of discovering your balance code.

Sherry, thank you for being here and taking the time to teach us. Share a little bit about yourself—where you are, who you serve, and what you do.

Sherry: Thank you so much for having me, Katie. It's really a pleasure to be here today. So, a little bit about me: I am a holistic psychotherapist. I've been practicing for over 30 years. I absolutely love what I do more and more, really, every single day. I believe that we all disconnect from our essence as children—it's the human condition because no parents can provide 100% security 100% of the time, and we all adapt in various ways. I believe that everything that happens in the present provides all of our triggers—our opportunities to help us reconnect to ourselves. There’s nothing that gives me greater joy than collecting the pieces of myself that I've lost along the way and helping others to do the same along the journey of life here on earth.

Katie: I love the puzzle analogy! I'm like, “Oh, you're speaking my language.” Dear listener, you've got two therapists now in your ear. This is going to get deep—grab a pencil and paper. Get it ready; here we go!

Sherry, I love this realization that a lot of our life is just bringing back those pieces that we have, because of trauma, because of parenting, because of just life, let go of. And if you're listening and you're like, "I'm in a phase right now; I feel like I don't know who I am, I’m rediscovering myself," then this is a great conversation for you. Let’s discuss: what are some of the subconscious patterns and maybe even beliefs that you notice are blocking the high achiever, the ambitious one who is going for the goal, but something keeps getting in the way? What is that brick wall we keep hitting? What are you noticing?

Sherry: This is our imprint. Everything is about how we took in our childhood, and it influences everything we think, feel, and do. Part of it can be that it feels unfamiliar to be successful. Perhaps you grew up in a childhood where everything was very chaotic, and nothing went well, so the idea of being successful—something good, something positive—is just so unfamiliar to you. You have to really find your way to get used to things feeling good. That’s one thing that I find—just like really moving through the pain, the trauma, and the more you can move that, the more comfortable you can be in life, and things just go well for you—energetically, just go well.

Katie: Right, and even the survivor's guilt or the guilt of, "Well, now I'm successful, but my parents worked so hard, and they sacrificed everything, and now it's so easy for me." That will feel so uncomfortable that you will create challenges in your world because the drama is just easier, the fight is easier. You're right; this is one of those "what I knew in my childhood, I will create in my little ecosystem because it's comfortable." Even if I have goals and aspirations that I want to achieve, in the background, it's like, "No, that doesn't feel comfortable. I'd rather be in a comfortable hell than an uncomfortable heaven." Right?

Sherry: Yes, because what is familiar is safe, and what’s unfamiliar is unsafe, even if it’s hell, like you said.

Katie: Right. You’re like, "Actually, I really want to be successful." This brings us to a second one, and I want to hear your thoughts on it. I have a feeling it was already on your list: scarcity. This mindset of “There will never be enough time, there will never be enough money, there will never be enough of me,” right? No energy or resources or help. The scarcity mindset that comes from war-torn generations that fought and worked hard and literally lost everything and had to rebuild. I get it, but that stays in us genetically almost, right? How are you feeling that energetically?

Sherry: Yes, you can have multigenerational trauma that you’re holding onto from another generation or multiple generations before you. Kind of on my list, I wrote down a fear of leaving people you love behind, you know? We’re all like a tribe, a family. If you move too far ahead of them in your mind—and again, this is in your mind—if they are middle-class workers and you want to be a white-collar worker, it’s like, "Oh, my family doesn’t do that." Or let’s say your family connects through drinking, and you want to stop drinking, or like anything to be more successful in your life, there’s going to be a fear. It’s like a disconnect because we’re all about attachment, you know? We want to be attached to our mom, our dad, our family. So, I think that, you know, the idea of thinking that there isn’t enough, that can come from your family. But the world’s abundant, you know? There’s enough for all of us.

Katie: Absolutely. I heard Mel Robbins say—this speaks to what you’re sharing about how if I change, I leave people behind—she says, “Your change doesn’t inspire people; it confronts them.” And I was like, “Oh, Mel, you just threw that one out,” because it’s true. If I stop drinking, and this is the way I connect with my partner, what do we have? And that partner is going to start to, “Well, what’s wrong with you? Why are you doing this? I don’t understand,” because it was our point of connection, versus, “I’m happy you’re growing; this is a good thing.” You’re right, these things play in the background, where we’re like, "I can’t change this about myself because I won’t have the attachment to that person, or that thing, or that place that I used to." And it gets scary. So scary.

Sherry: So scary. To be successful, you have to take risks, right? So, as a child, if something is scary and we don’t feel that we have mom or dad to help us through it, we disconnect from our essence and tuck it away somewhere because it was a painful feeling. So, when we are trying to put ourselves out there and take a risk today to be successful, in our mind, it’s like, “Too scary, can’t do that.” It feels counterintuitive to do that.

Katie: Our brains want it; it's like protection, protection, protection. And like you said, it doesn’t even mean that it’s a bad thing that we’re scared of, right? But the fear just says, “Nope,” and you hide it within yourself.

Sherry: What was adaptive is now maladaptive. It’s not helping you. Our brains get stuck in time. So, I can be terrified of something today, but it could be the five-year-old in me that is scared, or the 12-year-old, or the 19-year-old. And once you move through that, it’s easier to put yourself out there.

Katie: There was a point in time where I probably couldn’t talk to you like this because, when I would talk in an interview, my throat would close, my brain would go blank, as you saw at the beginning of the interview. I’d get scared because of my stuff. But as I worked through it, it’s so much easier for me to just drop in and connect. But I had to do a lot of healing to get here, to feel safe enough to sit here and talk.

Sherry: Thank you for sharing that. As you were also sharing the example, I thought about those people who maybe were really successful in high school or did great in college, right? And then, as soon as they got out, quote “in the real world,” they froze. They didn’t have that tribe and support network that was raising them up, and then it was like, “Oh, it’s all on me now. I can’t; I’m not capable, right? I don’t have that.” And so they stop.

Or I think of the classic story of, like, I grew up in the Southeast of the United States, and we occasionally had those people who went off to school in New York City or California, and it was like, “Oh, look at you.” And if they weren’t successful, how they felt or how others judged them, and it was like, “Oh my gosh,” right? They had the wherewithal to go, “I’m getting out; I want to go and live somewhere new and try something different. Who cares if it works or not?” Wow, you faced that fear, and that being alone, because you are so... It speaks to me, that one in particular. I can think of a lot of situations of people I know in my life and clients who hit that place where it’s like they got out there and they froze because it’s like, “Oh, I don’t have what I had before. It’s just me now.” And that’s scary. And I don’t have mom and dad and, you know, whatever else it is.

Sherry: And sometimes, like you said, someone could be buoyed by their family. Other times, they can feel it too hard because, you know, it takes a lot of effort to be successful and reach your goals and dreams. If you didn't have support when you were a kid, life was too hard, too much, though. Trying to reach your goals today can feel so hard because you're stuck in time, like a kid thinking, "I can't do this; this is too hard. I'm not gonna make it."

Katie: Oh my gosh, when? If you let go of what it was like as a child and work through that, the energy of what you're trying to achieve today will not feel as daunting. Yes, a lot of people say 80% of it is the mental work and 20% is the actual work, you know. I completely agree with that because, most of the time, you just need to get out of your own way. That's all you need, exactly.

Sherry: But it's easier said than done because you have the rational mind, and anyone could do anything. I think for a short period of time, you can white-knuckle it or like, "Sure, I can go to the gym for three months," but then you trail off because you're not dealing with the underlying reasons why you're trailing off or why you can't stay consistent.

Katie: Throughout my healing journey, my triggers get less frequent, last a shorter period of time, and are less intense. I'm able to maintain where I want to be and stay on my path as I go. You know, it just keeps going up, but it's not a straight line. Bright, bright, dear listener, please never think that progress is a straight line. If you do, we're here to share with you from our own personal journey that it is not. I'd like to call it caterpillar-butterfly-caterpillar, yeah buddy. What exciting! God, yes. Always.

Sherry: I had a client recently who thought she was in the butterfly phase, and I was like, "You were, and then you went back to the caterpillar because that's normal." And she's like, "Oh, I thought you just stay in butterfly." No, not at all. Though, you can use the onion analogy, right? You peel off one layer, and there's another layer. Same thing, though.

Katie: Yes, if somebody's listening and they go, "Okay, some of the blocks you've mentioned, I have," I'm seeing this is what is preventing the success I desire for reaching my goals and truly feeling like I'm growing into my next-level self. What are some steps you could really encourage them to take as that awareness comes? Because even the awareness can be overwhelming, right? Like, how do I face this? You know, my mom was like this; my dad was like this. This is how we are. How do you work with somebody to help them say, "You can change this"?

Sherry: So I think developing the awareness and not judging, being aware of it, seeking to understand, and being neutral when we beat ourselves up or just notice without judgment. Because the second we start to judge, it narrows our focus. We don't get to some of the other things that people can prevent themselves from being successful because there's a part of them that doesn't believe they deserve it. You know, there can be a desire to be taken care of because, if they take care of themselves, they will forgo ever being taken care of in the way they want.

Use the list of different ways that people might have adapted, just noticing, and seeing how they play out in different areas of your life—how they play out in your relationships with yourself, with your spouse, your parents, your children, your work, your environment. Just in all different ways. And just notice, like a little detective, "Oh, I noticed that about me." You know, everything they do. What's that about? That person might be like, "Oh, they're looking for someone else to do it for them." So, like, really just looking for the patterns.

Then, after you notice the patterns, say, "Okay, what's one little step that I could take today to break that pattern?" Sometimes you can build on those things, but like I was saying, if the wounds are too intense, you have to do deeper healing. There's just no way out of that unless because our hearts need to be in alignment. You could want something so bad, but if your wound is there, you're not going to get there. So it's about nurturing, doing inner child work. I have a course called Discover Your Road Map to Healing, and it speaks to my philosophy about how everything is an opportunity and all of these healing modalities to really help you integrate, heal, and understand how you specifically took in your environment.

So just being willing to do the work because there's really nothing easy, and to trust that things come up for healing when you're ready. Is it scary? Yes, but they come up when you're ready so you can reach your dreams. You just have to be willing to look back so that you can move forward.

Katie: Yes, the analogy of the detective is really good. It feels less scary than, you know, feeling everything, feeling hurt all the time. It's more like, "Let me figure out why I do things this way." And I love that you mention procrastination. Sometimes it is our desire for someone else to do it for us, to be taken care of. Like, "Ah, that makes simple sense."

Sherry: There's, to me, no better subject to learn about than the subject of oneself. Think about any subject you learn about; you feel more confident and more secure in that subject matter, no matter what it is you're learning about. So what better subject to learn about than yourself? The more you know, the more you understand yourself, the more confident, secure, and successful you can be at anything in life because you're the one taking you through. But if you don't understand how you operate, it's like trying to get from Connecticut to California without a GPS—you're going to be completely lost—or trying to learn algebra without understanding the fundamental principles of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division.

Katie: Yes, when someone decides, "Okay, I see blocks and I know I can't navigate them myself," what are some tips you can give to someone to find the right person for them to support them on that journey?

Sherry: I think when you call a therapist, really ask them what their philosophy is and see if it aligns with you. If you feel, you know, because, no matter what, I think the journey of healing and self-discovery is about finding someone who will help you get to the root of all the problems. Our natural state is wellness, so for me, it's like, "Is this person going to help me get to the root if that's what you desire?" Someone who is not there to judge you but is empathetic, nurturing, supportive, and shines the light while you do the digging. Because no one really knows you better than you know yourself. Someone who will help you feel safe during the work and is not afraid to tell you like, "1 + 1 = 2" versus "You have one here and you have one here." The idea is to develop confidence and security in yourself, not to become codependent on the therapist for the answers. So someone who is open, supportive, empathetic, and helps you on your path to find yourself, not thinking they have all the answers for you, but are on kind of equal footing.

Katie: I love that you point out that piece of our job as therapists is to work ourselves out of a job. If you're not being empowered to learn how to use the tools regularly on your own and discover for yourself, this is probably not the right fit. So I love that you put that out, Sherry.

Sherry: Thank you so much, Katie. This has been great.

Katie: And dear listener, here's to finding our balance code. Thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Take a moment to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform. That helps other listeners just like you find this podcast too. Want to connect and learn how we can work together? Check out the links in the show notes below. Discovering your balance code doesn't have to be a one-person journey. You can have a team, and I'd love to support you. So here's to finding our balance code.