How Your Culture Impacts Your Stress with Lorraine Chai

Ever feel like you're caught between two worlds? Navigating different cultural expectations around work, rest, and self-care can be a recipe for burnout and inner conflict. Whether you're an expat, a multicultural individual, or simply someone who feels out of sync with the dominant norms around you, understanding how culture shapes your approach to balance is crucial.

In this episode...I'm joined by Lorraine Chai, a business strategist and coach with a diverse cultural background, to discuss how cultural influences can shape our relationship with productivity, self-care, and achieving balance in our lives.

In this insightful conversation, Lorraine highlights the importance of understanding communication styles across cultures, how different cultures view work ethic, rest, and the pursuit of goals.

We delve into the power of self-awareness and recognizing how our cultural conditioning affects our behaviors and choices and the importance of questioning cultural norms and embracing new perspectives to achieve a greater sense of balance.

In this episode: 

• What are the practical strategies for creating a personalized approach to self-care and productivity?
• How our cultural conditioning affects our behaviors and choices?
• How cultural differences can influence communication styles and lead to misunderstandings?
• How to navigate unexpected challenges and maintain productivity?

Connect with Lorraine: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/solopreneur2entrepreneur/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/solopreneur2entrepreneur

Website: https://www.solopreneur2entrepreneur.com

Resources:

Couples Goal Setting Workbook

Level 10 Relationship Assessment

Follow Katie Rössler on Instagram

Check out the podcast website

Transcript

Katie Rossler:  "Welcome back to the podcast!

Okay, so those of you who've been listening to this podcast for a while know that I'm American, and I live in Germany. I have to tell you, the cultural considerations I've had to give myself around burnout, how I use my time, and how I'm influenced by the country I live in isn't something I expected.

So today, I have Lorraine Chai, and we're going to be discussing how our culture impacts how we approach burnout, how we use our time, our productivity—all of it.

Welcome to The Balance Code Podcast, a place for high achievers to step outside the hamster wheel of day-to-day life and start learning tools for more balance. I'm your host, Katie Rössler, and I will be guiding you on this journey of discovering your balance code.

So Lorraine, thank you so much for being here. I'm excited to have this discussion so that we can start to open our minds to other factors impacting how we approach burnout that we're not even considering. So thank you for being here.

Lorraine: Thanks for having me on board.

I know you're in Germany at the moment, from the US.

I am originally Malaysian, currently in Australia, but I do travel a lot. So I understand the different cultures behind each country, and, as you know, each country has a different way of doing things.

Katie: Absolutely. So when I got on this call with Lorraine, I was like, 'Good morning,' and she was like, 'Good evening!'

[Laughter]

...So, not just cultural considerations, but also time zone considerations.

So Lorraine, share with us a little bit about yourself. What's your background? You've already shared where you are, but what type of clients do you tend to serve?

Lorraine: So I am a business strategist and coach, but my background is in entertainment and education. So I'm really good with helping people, in terms of understanding how they manage their business, their work, their personal life. I'm also an author; I've got 23 books out there. They're not connected to business, but actually connected to education itself. But with my coaching, I help my clients—entrepreneurs, sole traders, business owners that are just starting out—to expand and understand their business properly so that they can grow faster, stronger, more confidently.

Katie: Yes, I love that it's very multifaceted, right? Like education, and then supporting the entrepreneur. 

Lorraine: The thing about coaches... coaches are actually educators, too. You understand your client, you communicate with them properly in terms of helping them be the best versions of themselves.

Katie: Yeah, I agree.

So Lorraine, let's talk about what are some things we need to consider when we're looking at how our culture impacts us in relation to how we use our energy and time, how much self-care we put into our day, or maybe our week. What are some things we need to be considering?

Lorraine: A lot of things. So the story is, when I moved to Australia... Fair enough, I spoke English in Malaysia, but the thing was, culturally, I had to recognize and understand the accent of the country. So it took me a while, even though they were speaking English and I was speaking English, it took me a while to understand the accent of the locals. So there was one thing I had to overcome before being able to, um, grow properly, was to understand how people communicate in that country.

So if you are communicating with people from different countries and different cultural backgrounds, you have to understand how they communicate in order to share the message correctly, because they might interpret the way that you're teaching or the way that you're helping them in a different way. So that's one thing: understand how they communicate.

The next thing is in terms of self-care. I guess it's more understanding how you are, or how your body functions. So for me, a lot of people come to me and they're like, 'Oh, mindset! You have to have that proper mindset, the strong mindset.' But it's how do you set up yourself from the beginning of the day to be able to run your day smoothly? For me, it's being able to reset myself in the morning.

So I wake up at 4:00 in the morning—I don't know about all of you out there, and I know 4:00 is early—but in order to cover as much as I can during my day, that's what I have to do. That's what I have to sacrifice. Fair enough, I'm single, so I don't have the obligation of having kids. But 4:00, I wake up in the morning, have a quick run. It's more resetting the way that I think. And if I feel a bit heavy in the morning, then, you know, it's telling myself, 'Okay, you've got this.'

[Inaudible]

...Going through my vision of the future that I want. It's like a goal, you know. It's like having a carrot in front of a donkey—having that goal and thinking, 'Okay, that's where I need to be, that's where I want to be, so that's what I'm going to do today.'

Katie: So what you just pointed out, especially about your... how you start your day as far as self-care, I find very fascinating, because I think of the eastern cultures versus the western cultures. I hear this from my friends who are from the Philippines and so on, where it's like, 'Yeah, you get up early, you do this thing,' and you don't even let your brain tell you something different.

Whereas I grew up in a culture that was like, 'I don't want to. I'm going to do everything I can to make this painful for me.' But I think I'm making it easier for me by procrastinating. 

Lorraine: So you look... procrastination is normal. Even for myself, you know. You always have this voice in the back of your mind that goes, 'Ugh, maybe not tonight,' or 'I don't want to get out of bed. It's 4:00,' you know. But then it's, 'Okay, how fast can you switch that mindset? How fast can you switch that thought in order to focus properly?'

Like, I've got a dog, and she was sick the other day. She had a seizure, and by the time we came back from the emergency, my alarm rang for me to wake up. So actually I didn't sleep that whole day, because, like, how do you work around that, right? Like if your kids are sick, if you've got an emergency that happens during the day, how can you be productive in your life—be it professionally or personally—to function properly?

So for me, on that particular day, I'm like, 'Okay, fine.' I still did my morning run at 5:00 when we came back from the hospital, but I had many naps instead, to try and push myself through it. So it's working around the challenges rather than, 'Oh, it's too hard. My kids are sick, so I can't work. My kids are sick, so I can't read, I can't research.' But hang on a second, are you... you know, what are you doing when your kids are sick? Are they sleeping? Are they resting? You're always going to have time, but it's how you're going to work around those challenges. How can you find time where you can take, let's say, 15 minutes or 30 minutes and do a sprint in terms of what you need to do or what you have to do for that day?

What were the differences, other than communication, that you experienced in the work culture moving to Australia from Malaysia?

So I grew up with my parents saying, 'You've gotta work hard,' right? And then the more, when I start working hard, it's like, 'You need to take time for yourself.' Where is that about, right? Because you think, 'I have to work hard so that I can get a good job, I can get a good... you know, a man in my life.' But then, on the other hand, you're like, 'You're working too hard. You need to take a break for yourself.' For me, it's understanding your limit. But for me, at the end of the day, I have an end goal. And an end goal for me is a vision of where I see myself at. So it's how quickly do you want to reach that goal. So that's my carrot, right? That's the carrot for myself. How quickly you want to reach that goal in order for you to push and move faster.

So for me, it's all about, 'Gotta go, quick, quick, quick,' you know? Time is money for me. Time is money, because I could go the long route, and... 'I'll do it tomorrow,' or 'I'll do it the slow way.' But for me, I'm in my late thirties, I'm not young anymore, you know, and I've got... I want a family on my own. So I want And I want to live that life. I want to have that freedom in life, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes. Like for me, that that's non-negotiable at all. Like all this excuses, fair enough. I'm human, so I'm gonna have days where, okay, I'm just gonna be lazy just for one day. It's like, you know, when you're very disciplined in terms of your diet, and then suddenly, okay, I'm gonna have one cheat day. I'm gonna have chocolate all day or junk food all day, right? So I'm gonna have those cheat days where I'm like, 'Okay, fine, you know, I've worked really hard, I'm gonna have one day where I do nothing. I lay on the couch and watch, you know, series dramas, probably not dramas, but TV all day or something.'

Katie: Yeah, so I love that you said like, 'I grew up with parents who were like, you know, go, go, go,' and then there was a part of you, and maybe moving to Australia, where you were like, 'No, like I need a day to just be like you said, human, relax.' An off day. And sometimes, I mean, I believe rest is productive, right? When we rest, then all of a sudden, we have the surge of energy the next day, maybe to get even more done or more clarity.

I know moving to Germany, one of the things my husband, um, and his family, really, this culture has taught me, is that they work very hard and play hard. And at first I was like, 'I know, like what? Why are we, why are we doing this?' But they have over 30 days of vacation, and in the States, we only have two weeks of vacation. So burnout is like in the States, it's just become basically the norm, and here in Europe, it's starting to shift that way, definitely post-COVID. But we, my husband and I, were going on our first trip together to a Mountain Lake nearby that he wanted to show me. And he's like, 'Okay, so you know, we're gonna have a lake. We'll pack all our snacks, all these things.' It was like, 'Great!' So I wore flip-flops because we're going to a Mountain Lake, and I'm a beach girl. So I'd get water, you wear flip-flops, and he'd be like, 'We're hiking there!' And I was like, 'I'm sorry, what?' And he's like, 'You need tennis shoes.' And it's literally a 45-minute hike. You're hiking up, you're literally going up basically a small hill, mountain, and then down to the Mountain Lake, which is a beautiful site. But that's that work hard, and then you get to play hard, and you just relax. And so they all end up bringing flip-flops as well. No, no, no, because I, I was like, 'Well, I'm not like he said, never hiking.' And I knew by that point, hiking in the mountains. But like, tennis shits like really wearing something, but I, I didn't understand this whole work, hard play hard until we had that experience. And I was like, 'Oh, okay, so you're willing to put in the effort to have a better relaxation, a better time.' And that well up, some have balance here, right? Like, 'I'm gonna work hard, and then I'm really gonna relax, and I'm really gonna enjoy this Mountain Lake, and just sit out there.' And yeah, it took me a little bit because I was like, 'This, why aren't we driving there? Total American. Why why do we have to hike this?' But now I see the value in that, like it's kind of like, you know, you wait till the end of the day to have that special dessert, like you've really worked hard all day, and you've relaxed it finally at the end of the day, and now you can have that quote, special treat, like, yeah, really well. 

Lorraine: It's knowing that balance, right? Yeah, it's understanding the situation, and knowing that balance, because like sometimes, some days I'm like, 'You like, why can't we just drive there instead, right? This is somewhat work.'

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Lorraine: So I remember back in the day, like as a student, um, I would have a break because I... I was living in a dorm in a university, and I, my friends would go out to, in Malaysia, we would go out to, um, the hockey store, I think you call it, where they've got this small shop where they just, you know, they make burgers or, um, fried noodles and stuff like that in Asia, right? So at 11:00 PM, they'd be like, 'Oh, let's hang out,' because Malaysia, we've got a one meal system, where you eat the moment you wake up in the morning, and the last meal is before you go to bed. So that's how Malaysia, and and they're like, 'Oh, Ariana, come on, let's go out. Let's just relax before we go to bed, right?' So I went out, and then my parents call me up and they're like, 'Where are you?' I'm like, 'I am out with friends, having some noodles before bed.' They're like, 'Go back to your door! What are you doing? Go back to your door! You need to study!' And I like, I can just see the entrance back to the... exactly, exactly.

So you know, sometimes parents want the best for us, so we're in still with that kind of, um, routine where you gotta work, work, work, work, work. You gotta study as hard as you can. Uh, and it depends on the cultural background, right? As you know, yours is different to mine. So it depends on that. And with my parents, yeah, I gotta work hard. You have to study. There's no social life for you. And that was what I brought in my life was that I have to work hard. So I in my 20s, I only start to realize that, okay, I have to have a balance in terms of my social life and my work life. Because how are you? No. 1, how you gonna find your perfect partner if you don't socialize right? Why are you gonna make connections and network with the right people in order to do business? So you have to find that balance. How can I communicate with people properly in order to make that connection with them, so that I can, you know, potentially, um, probably do business or, you know, have someone to hang out with or have someone to talk to. You know, though it's even nowhere from different cultural background, it's understanding that concept of yourself. How you think, how your work helps you, and the balance between work and life really. No, I think that's an excellent sort of summary of like, 

Katie: you have your cultural conditioning, but you also have a choice. You can so I need, I need better balance. I need more, you know, yes, I'll work during the this time, but like studying right, but then at night, I'm gonna go out with friends and have a warm, wonderful meal together. Like, why not? The thing is, and so, even though you had to go against what your parents wanted, right? I'm like, 'What are you doing? Go back and study!' You're like, 'No, I just need a breath.' 

Lorraine: I feel bad that time as a student, like, even remember my birthday. I remember my friends trying to drag me out for my surprise party. It's like, 'Man, if I could do it again, I would be more relaxed.' Like I need to be relaxed. Wow, all right. For you, I hear you. 

Katie: You know, on the flip side, I think sometimes, depending on where you are in the western culture, because of course you got like Italy and Spain and Portugal that had that relaxed LA, they are sort of thing. Depending on where you are in the country, like wherever you are, you will, I think it takes time, like I think our generation is, the generations kind of like, 'Let's break out of the mold of the cultural conditioning,' and and find ourselves. That's why many of us are moving and starting careers And find ourselves. That's why many of us are moving and starting careers in different places. And open to that, but when you're put in a new culture, you have to start questioning your own culture and why you do what you do. You know, like…

Lorraine: but going into a country, it's like having a relationship, right? So you have it says always a gift and take, like how much can you take in this new culture versus how much can you, you know, change or keep within yourself, right? 

Katie: You are absolutely right, because there is not that your culture has to go away. It is the conditioning that's unhealthful, maybe, or that doesn't serve you anymore, right? Like I think there's beautiful traditions in our cultures to bring with us. And that's something we navigate in our home with our kids. It's like, 'What are the things I wanna bring, and then what were the unhealthy patterns that I, you know, from both cultures, that I would like for them to not have to feel put in that box or like, you have to do this, this is the way, this is the only way.' Anything that talks like that, I'm like, 'Nope, no, no. There's so many different ways, there's so many ways of productivity, there's so many ways of time management, right? Like there is no one-size-fits-all.'

The big reason for this podcast is the Balance Code, is finding your unique one. But a consideration is how your culture impacts how you knew balanced and how you consider what, what is good, quote, good or bad. So I, I love your stories, it really does help, um, kind of explain that you know, you can have this and you can feel the guilt, right? And they're like, 'I'm doing something wrong,' but later realize actually I wasn't. That was really good. That was fun. I've got dragged to my surprise birthday party, but I went to it, right? Like I got there, I got to do it. 

Lorraine: So but the thing with the three bat, right? Like now that I'm older, I understand that it's because I'm, I'm taken out of my comfort zone. And the comfort zone is, I'm so used to that regiment, right? That strictness where I'm not allowed to have fun. I'm not allowed to have anything good until I have 100%, like I score 100%. Even 99% was not good enough. Like that was how I was brought up. Ninety, 90% or 99% was not good enough. Like, why did you have that one percent wrong? 

Katie: Yeah, like what, what could you have done better? And and then yeah, and you can be happy once you get to that 100%. 

Lorraine: Yeah, so in a flip site, it's good and it's also bad. So it's good because then it pushes you to become better and better. But it's bad if you don't understand it where you, you bring yourself down and you're depressed and you, you're hard on yourself, that you're not gentle with yourself, and it stresses you out. You start losing hair, and all this bad conditioning starts to happen, right?

Katie: Well, you just pointed out, pull out the strengths of your culture, and the parts that are not really, like they're hurting you, then you go, 'I don't need that.' I think about this with like personality types, right? If you're more of a thinker or more of a feeler, there's a positive trait to that, there's there's strengths to it, and then there's the side that impacts you negatively. And that's the side you have to be the most aware of. And then you know, capitalize on the strength. So in this like that work hard, capitalize on that strength, but when you notice it becomes like you're beating yourself up, and like you said, the stress and the hair is falling out, that's when it's like, 'Okay, this is when it's not serving me.' And so shifting that.

So this has been super fascinating, Lorraine. I, I am so grateful that you came and shared your personal experiences, but as well as you know, hey, some things we need to be aware of, culture or not. But self-care, that balance is really important. But finding your unique way of doing that, I think that has a lot of value. If people wanna connect with you, where can they find you in the online space?

Lorraine: You can find me on @solopreneur2entrepreneur. So the number two entrepreneur, I'm on Instagram. Whatever social media you can find me on, if not, you can always Google me on my name. So the range high is the easiest way to go. But otherwise,  @solopreneur2entrepreneur, and that's that's where I can help people. 

Katie: Excellent.

I will make sure the links are below in the show notes. I know I have clients who are going to probably reach out to you and be like, 'Everything you said really spoke to me. I get this,' because I think it's something we forget to factor in. How much our culture impacts us, and especially when we want to start creating balance in our lives, and we're fighting old messages in the back of our mind saying, 'This is wrong. This is bad.' But you just shared with us, it's okay if you feel those sayings, it's just because it's something new. 

Lorraine: It's just scheduled, create, you like creating new, like we're a computer, right, or computer system, and then we always have to have upgrade ourselves. We always add new softwares, we always change things to be able to run as a proper computer or the best computer that you can have in your system.

Katie: I love that analogy. That's such a great one. Yes, absolutely, upgrade. Upgrade and finding your balance. Good is upgrading. So thank you, Lorraine, for being here. Thank you for your time.

Lorraine: No problem. Thank you for having me. It's been fun.

Katie: And dear listener, here's to finding our balance code. Thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Take a moment to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform. That helps other listeners just like you to find this podcast, too. Want to connect and learn how we can work together? Check out the links in the show notes below. Discovering your balance code doesn't have to be a one-person journey. You can have a team, and I'd love to support you. So here's to finding our balance code.