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Defeating Bullies: A Personal Guide & When "Students First Always" Becomes an Empty Promise

• DJ ESG • Season 15 • Episode 2

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The raw reality of bullying demands more than empty platitudes and ineffective strategies. Drawing from personal experiences growing up as "the smallest kid on the block" in Philadelphia, this unfiltered exploration reveals what actually works—and what absolutely doesn't—when confronting bullying.

Beneath the surface of every bullying situation lies a complex web of motivations. Most bullies aren't simply "bad kids" but rather individuals compensating for problems at home, seeking attention in destructive ways. The middle school years create a perfect storm where identity formation, peer pressure, and lack of emotional regulation collide. Understanding this psychology offers crucial insight for both victims and parents searching for solutions.

Our educational systems consistently fail bullied children through bureaucracy and fear. Administrators who claim "Students First Always" often prioritize avoiding lawsuits and protecting paychecks over meaningful intervention. Parents face their own challenges, wanting to protect their children while fearing involvement might worsen the situation. What's needed are advocates willing to cross lines, confront uncomfortable truths, and stand firmly with children on both sides of the bullying equation. Whether you're a parent of a bullied child or concerned about a child exhibiting bullying behaviors, this candid discussion offers practical guidance for navigating these challenging situations. Reach out if you need an advocate who puts students first—always, and without qualification.

 #BullyingPrevention
 #StandUpAgainstBullying
 #EndBullying
 #StopTheCycle
 #RealTalkAboutBullying
 #ChildAdvocacy
 #ParentingThroughBullying
 #BreakTheSilence
 #MentalHealthMatters
 #SupportTheVulnerable
 #EmpathyOverIgnorance
 #BeTheChange
 #BullyingAwareness
 #SmallButMighty
 #RealSolutions
 #ToughTalk
 #ParentsForChange
 #StudentAdvocacy
 #MiddleSchoolChallenges
 #BeyondTheSurface
 #SpeakUpForKids 

Peace, Love & God Above! :-)

Speaker 0:

What's up, guys? Dj ESG, eric Scott Gold, and today we are talking about bullying what to do if you have a bully, how to combat that bully and why. The bulliers probably have more issues at home than you do, and I'm telling you this right now. It is a worldwide pandemic and I'm gonna teach you guys right now what to do if you are bullied and I'm gonna talk to the bullies too and explain to you guys why I think you are bullies. So let's start with bullying in general. You know I have been through it myself ever since I was a little kid.

Speaker 0:

I was the smallest kid on my block. We lived in a row home in Philadelphia and the kids I hung out with were the kids that you know basically lived on my block and the block behind us and a row home. For those that don't know, our house is stuck together, sort of like the developments they're building now in newtown, not as uh expensive. You know what I mean. And the kids that you played with were the kids on your block, because we didn't have cell phones back then, we didn't have pagers, we didn't have the communication that everybody has today, we didn't have parents to drive us everywhere. We basically just figured out who we could play with, went on our local school ground, blacktop, and figured out how many kids we needed to play that specific game. The games that worked were hockey, stickball, sometimes basketball, depending upon if the African-American kids would let the little white ones play with them, because we weren't nearly as good as the African-American kids. They were really, really good. I used to play at a place called Jardell Playground with a guy named Rashid Wallace and he played for the Detroit Pistons for a long time and used to dunk over top of me and I was sort of a difficult one because I didn't have any game, but you played with the people that were on your block and you needed each other, because the people that were on your block, if you didn't have them if never fielder, you know if you didn't have everybody to come out and play, you didn't have a game. Parts of you needed each other, but the other parts, when you weren't playing, that's where the bullying happened. And a lot of the bullying happened because in my situation I was younger than a lot of them and me and my buddy, jared, were also Jewish and we were smaller and when we weren't playing and they were bored, the older kids and there were girls around or there were cigarettes around or weed around or beer around, they would pick on the younger kids, pick on the smaller kids because it was just fun. For them, it was entertainment. Some of it was just because they felt like it and the other part was for, you know, to show off and attention. And that's what a lot of bullying is it's showing off and attention. Or just people that don't like other people for some odd reason or have a lot of anger. And I'm going to explain to you where the anger comes from and tell you what bullying really is.

Speaker 0:

The definition in Google is bullying is a form of aggressive behavior which somebody intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle action. Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing, comments or threats in order to abuse, aggressive, dominate or intimidate one or others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. A lot of people say what do you do if you're a kid and you get bullied? I'll tell you this right now Some of this shit just doesn't work. It just doesn't work To say whatever. Do you feel better now If you're talking about me behind my back. Clearly, my life is more interesting than yours is. Let's move on. You finally found something funny to say. Haha, I'm not sure why you keep saying these things about me, but I don't care, you know.

Speaker 0:

Let me tell you a story, something that you guys may or may not know. I don't know if the kids would know it or not, because it was the worst of all the Rocky movies. But in Rocky 5, when Stallone was training Tommy god help me, I wish they never did that movie his son was getting bullied by these two dudes and Paulie took him in and, uh, I forget the kid's name right now and taught him how to box. And then, you know, he was getting beat up every day. And then the one day, the bully hit him and, uh, he fought back. And not only did he fight back, but he beat the shit out of the bully, hit him and, uh, he fought back. And not only did he fight back, but he beat the shit out of the bully. And they became best friends because the bully never touched him again.

Speaker 0:

I had a similar situation in seventh grade. I was, uh, being bullied by this kid named tim. Tim was, uh, really aggressive and he would hit me every single day. And then one day I just literally went off. I just conked food the crap out of him. I was watching, I was watching the Karate Kid movies and I was learning how Daniel's son would do everything and wax on, wax off and I, I just I annihilated this dude. I mean I fucking, I just you know, he took a swing and I kicked him right in the head. Then I need him right in the balls and then I elbowed him right in the face and cracked his nose and he never bothered me again after that.

Speaker 0:

But a lot of parents are like no, violence isn't the answer. I understand that I get. Violence isn't the answer. The answer isn't that easy. Most kids get bullied because of a weakness, because of a weakness that they have that other kids exploit. And when I say other kids exploit, they find that weakness, they see that weakness and bullies one-on-one. That's not the kind of stuff that you'll see. When you see people one-on-one bullying, it's usually over something like theft, robbery. They want something that you have. That's not considered bullying, that's considered a felony.

Speaker 0:

When somebody gets bullied nowadays cyber it's usually something that happens in pack mentality, meaning one or two people usually one and maybe their running buddy cohort that's just in it for the ride will bully one other person in front of a group of people to get a reaction, to get attention. They think it's funny. There's a lot of other reason. Now here's what happens once somebody gets bullied and they don't fight back, they become a target. And if they're a target then they're always going to be a target and people cling on that. Good bullies, they feed on that.

Speaker 0:

It's like a drug, especially to a 12-year-old kid. It's a drug because middle school kids they haven't found themselves yet. They don't understand what's going on. They're just starting to go through puberty. They're just starting to realize the real world. You know elementary school kids, they bicker, they argue. That's not what I call bullying, that's just stupidity. Once you're in high school you're more worried about guys and girls. You're not so much worried about, you know, beating people up and everything or making somebody look stupid. You're more worried about, you know, trying to have sex if that makes sense. You know, when you start bullying people it makes you look bad because you know the people that you're interested in are looking at you like I don't want to deal with this guy, this guy's. You know, he's just a tool. But in the middle school system, that age between I don't know better and I don't want to be that person that's where it gets really, really bad.

Speaker 0:

So I'm gonna tell you a couple things. When I was little, I was bullied, like I said, and I figured out a way or ways or why or who or how or when or all those good words you use to not fix the situation but to combat and figure out sort of what's going on and how to go about changing it. Now, from the person who's bullied perspective and the person who's bullying perspective. It's two totally different perspectives and after this short break from our sponsor, I'm gonna let you guys know exactly what that is. I'm DJ ESG. I'll be right back. What's up guys? Dj ESG and I'm back, and right now I'm talking about bullying and both sides the bullier and the bully.

Speaker 0:

Now, like I said, the person who gets bullied. They usually come across as the weaker of the two, weaker, physically weaker, mentally weaker group of friends, weaker, everything. And there's reasons why people find these people. It could be for a mental disability, it could be for a physical disability, it could be something as little as easy as how they talk, how they walk, what they say, what they're into, what they sound into, what they sound like, what they eat, what they do, how they talk to their parents, the afterschool activities that they're into All these things can lead to being a good target for bullies.

Speaker 0:

Now, if I flip it around the other way, most bullies are overcompensating for things that they don't have at home Attention from parents, afterschool activities, people who care about them and do things with them post-school and a lot of it comes from broken homes. I don't see a ton of bullies that live in a good household of mother, father, brothers and sisters who are all loving, warm and fuzzy and do things together as a group. Most of the time when I see bullies, it's because the bully is striving for attention. The bully is from a broken home. The bully is taught that behavior by their parents and much, much, much, much, much more that's going on behind closed doors that we don't know about. The worst thing you could do with a bully is scold that bully and not ask the right question. Most of the time these bullies just need a friend or something to do or somebody to talk to or a role model or somebody to give them the attention that they're seeking, that they're only finding through acting out. You know, when I was younger, I acted out a lot, and I acted out a lot because my parents were embarrassing, and my parents were embarrassing because I thought my parents were the reason why I got bullied. So I don't know, I acted out in school because I was miserable at home and I didn't act out as a bully, I acted out as a behavioral problem.

Speaker 0:

One thing leads to another, leads to another, leads to another. As parents, you don't know what to do. You don't know what your options are, you don't know what the proper steps are to have the situation rectified, because your kid doesn't want you going into school, because your kid feels like that's gonna make the situation worse. But how much worse can the situation get when your kid's coming home crying, locking themselves in their room and not doing anything and miserable? How much worse can it get? But there's this fear. There's this fear of oh my God, what if I do this to my kid and my kid's mad at me? You just have to be willing to step up as a parent and do what a parent supposed to do.

Speaker 0:

You know nowadays and I hate to say it, but too many of you parents are friends. You're their kid's friend. You're not their mom or dad, you're their friend. They don't need more friends. They need a mother and a father. They need a protector. They need somebody who's going to go to bat for them, even when they don't know what the wrong or right choice is. Somebody to make that choice for them, knowing what's best for them. You ever watch SVU? You think Benson and Stabler made the choice the victim wanted, or made the right choice for the victim.

Speaker 0:

There's so many actions that you could take, but when you don't want to take the action, where's that going to get you? Now a lot of people say, hey, the school system doesn't help out and they don't want to go past this line and they don't want to cross that line and they're only so good as a quick conversation. And you know they don't want to really get involved because after the kids leave they can't do anything anyway because of cyber. But once the kids come back to school, you know they don't want to get sued or they don't want to have people yelling and screaming, or they don't want to have the other parents jumping up their throats and all this other jazz. Let me tell you something. Ok, and I'm going to say it again, like I say it all the time Our school system sucks. All these school systems suck. You know why they suck? Because they're afraid. They're afraid to do what needs to be done If a bullying situation happens in school.

Speaker 0:

First off, there's too much red tape. Fuck the red tape. And that's why we all voted for Donald Trump, because he's taken away a lot of the red tape. That's what's going to happen when the school system shuts down. The red tape is gone. Too much fucking red tape. Everybody's scared.

Speaker 0:

So you sit down with a bully and you say this, that and the other thing, and then their parents come in and they complain. A lot of times parents are bad parents where they're not part of the solution, they're part of the problem. My kid didn't do anything. My kid didn't do this. Leave my kid alone. You're picking on my kid. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. And you know what the school does. They back off. You know why they back off.

Speaker 0:

Bureaucratic buttholes like the director and the superintendent and my local don't want to cross that line because their $220,000 paycheck and their $170,000 paycheck and pension plans is more important than the students, which is why I keep saying students first always is bullshit, because students aren't first always. If students were first always, then the paycheck and the title and the political nonsense wouldn't matter. Joe Clark and I'm going to use this till the day I fucking die Joe Clark from Lean On Me Morgan Freeman's character he didn't give a shit about the money, he didn't give a shit about the backlash when he chained those doors. He was there for the kids. That is students first always. That is putting the kids ahead of everything else. That is not stopping before the line out of fear from lawsuits, out of fear from backlash, out of fear from parents, out of fear from your paycheck going away, out of fear from stupidity, out of fear from God forbid what would happen in the political world. That is not students first always. That is students fourth or fifth always. The day you put the students above your paycheck and you do what's right. The day you put your students ahead of your paycheck and you do what's right. The day you put your students ahead of your pension and you do what's right, that's when you have the balls to say students first always. Because students are not first always. Okay, your fucking paycheck is first always. Let's not get it twisted. So what can you do as parents?

Speaker 0:

Well, five years ago, when we started the 501c3, the Bucks County Anti-Bullying Association which didn't really get off the ground, but we tried we were there as advocates. You know what we were there for? We were there as people that didn't care about the paycheck, that didn't care about the pension, that didn't care about the backlash, that didn't care about what would happen. We were there for the students. We were students first, always. We were there for the kids. We were going to cross that line. We were going to get justice for the kids who were getting bullied and we were going to support the bullies at home and figure out ways to stop them from being bullies in the first place. And if that meant going heads up with their parents, we were going to do it Because we had the kids' best interests at heart. Okay, we didn't have our paychecks at heart. We didn't have our pensions at heart. We didn't have our pensions at heart. We didn't have this and that at heart. We had the kids at heart and that's what we still have.

Speaker 0:

So you want to say students first, always. Motherfucker, I'm students first, always. You're students fourth, always. So take that one and shove it up your ass and roll around in a circle with it because that bullshit. Okay. You walk out the door, look at me, put your paycheck in one hand and students first in the other hand, and I tell you what's more important. And you drop the paycheck on the floor and you say students first, always.

Speaker 0:

Then you have the right. You have the right to say students first, always. Okay, otherwise, blow my load. So what can you do? Well, I'll tell you what you can do. There's a lot of things you can do. If you need help, reach out. I'll advocate for you. I have no problem advocating for you. I have no problem advocating for your kid and I have no problem going to war for your kid.

Speaker 0:

Let me tell you what this podcast is all about. A it's righting all the wrongs in society. B it's to help get the first responders, the police, the firefighters, the EMTs, the nurses, the teachers, the money they deserve, because all these frontline workers are getting hosed every single day. They're the ones doing all the work and they're the ones getting none of the credit. They're the ones getting none of the credit. They're the ones going home every single day paying off student loans, trying to figure out ways to put food on the table, trying to figure out ways to raise families and trying to figure out ways to get there before it's too late. Housing markets up, car buyings, up all this bullshit.

Speaker 0:

And you think people want to go to school right now to be teachers or go to school to be nurses or EMTs. Why do you think all those people are down employees? Why do you think there's nobody there? Why do you think everybody's short-staffed? Because this world is ass backwards. And when you deal with political idiots and superintendents who are absolute assholes, and directors of secondary education who are fucking morons, this is the kind of shit that's gonna take our world, which was once great, and not help our president make it great again. I'm not saying Trump is the best answer for America, but he's the better answer right now than Joe Biden.

Speaker 0:

Okay, I'm here for your kids. I'm here for bullying. I'm here to make sure your kids come first. I am students first, always. I don't need a fucking paycheck to prove that one. I'm DJ ESG, eric Scott Gold, peace, love and God above. And if you need some help or your kid needs some help, you reach out to me and you know what. I charge Nothing. I don't charge shit because in my world students are first, always Peace, love and God above, and I'm out.

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