Rock Bottom Podcast : "Suburbs, Sarcasm & Shenanigans" - If You Can't Take The Heat, Go Back And Get Another "Pumpkin Spice Latte"
04/23/2025 “Currently in contract negotiations. Social media activity is paused during this transition—updates will resume soon. To be continued. 😁🙏"
Produced In The 18940
Newtown, Pennsylvania
Covering My Town & Surrounding Areas
Welcome to the Rock Bottom Podcast, a platform where we delve into local news with a no-nonsense approach. From schools to transportation and the pulse of the community, we cover it all without the fluff. As my mom used to say, I speak my mind without a filter. Transparency is key here - no sugarcoating, no spin, just the unvarnished truth. That's our ethos, plain and simple. And remember, authenticity rules the day - just as Eric Scott Gold dictates. 😁
Rock Bottom Podcast : "Suburbs, Sarcasm & Shenanigans" - If You Can't Take The Heat, Go Back And Get Another "Pumpkin Spice Latte"
Part Two Of Two - ESG's Graduation Speech (Kids Enthusiasm Level 9)
Ever wondered what a graduation speech would sound like if it wasn't filtered through layers of administrative approval? DJ ESG, the self-proclaimed "people's champion of the suburbs," delivers exactly that in this raw, unfiltered reimagining of a high school commencement address.
Drawing from his experience as a 1996 graduate who still lives in the district, DJ ESG offers something the superintendent can't: authentic connection with today's teenagers. While administrators hide behind spreadsheets and policy documents, he's out there playing basketball with students, skateboarding alongside them, and genuinely understanding what makes Generation Z tick. The contrast couldn't be more striking.
Styled like a WWE promo complete with catchphrases from The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, this alternative graduation speech celebrates students who survived "peak chaos"—from pandemic quarantines and Zoom classes to "Kahoot Wars" and the "Skibbity Riz Apocalypse." Instead of vague platitudes about the future, it acknowledges what graduates really care about: social connections, creating viral content, and figuring out life after college. It's a blistering critique of educational bureaucracy that prioritizes appearances over substance, and a passionate call for mentors who can speak to students on their level.
Whether you're a frustrated educator, a recent graduate, or a parent wondering why school leadership seems so disconnected from student realities, this episode will resonate. It's time we stopped talking at teenagers and started talking with them—and as DJ ESG makes abundantly clear, that conversation needs to happen in their language, not ours. Listen now and imagine how education might transform if authenticity replaced administrative caution.
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Peace, Love & God Above! :-)
After hearing part one of the Rock Bottom Podcast, the superintendent's grad speech to the kids, now you're going to hear part two. A 1996 grad who's been living in the district all his life actually talks to people outside of school, goes places where the public is, hangs out with the kids, plays basketball, skateboards, talks to the neighbors and truly knows what's going on inside of the brain of a teenager. Now, because most of the parents out there are my age and the ones who stayed around probably graduated with me and understand the fact that kids have changed and they're not the same as they used to be, I'm going to give the speech as it's supposed to be given, not some bureaucratic buttwads version of hey, let's have somebody rewrite this, to rewrite this, to rewrite this, to double check this, to chat, gpt this to then. Oh my God, my head's spinning right now. But this is the way a graduation speech is supposed to be told, because I'm DJ ESG, the people's champion of the suburbs, sponsored by Wawa, adderall and Unpaid Internships. Now, this is how it should come out, because when I was in school, this is the shit I wanted to hear Grad speech one Ugh Grad speech, two Ready set, go Yo. Class of 2025,. We made it Like Rocky on the art museum steps Like Gritty charging the ice, like a Philly mom cutting someone in line at Trader Joe's. You did that, but before I continue, let me talk to you. If you smell what the gold is fucking cooking, oh my God. I have a dream that one day this district won't blow the entire budget on LED signs, equity consultants and emotional support water fountains while our classrooms have ceiling tiles that look like they've been through World War VI. And that's the bottom line, because Eric Scott Gold said so.
Speaker 0:Ask not what Council Rock can do for you. Ask why Andy, the superintendent, with the charisma of an unsalted pretzel, still has a job. Andy, my guy, you walk into Stampede and it's like it's WrestleMania 38, and you're the heel nobody asked for. Then there's your sidekick, al, the human smoke detector, with breath hotter than Satan's gym socks. Al shows up smelling like expired Gatorade in desperation. I got two words for you Transfer papers. Now let me talk to you real.
Speaker 0:You got through high school during peak chaos. You did it during quarantine, zoom classes with teachers who thought unmute yourself was rocket science. You lived through Kahoot Wars, vsco Girls and the Skibbity Riz Apocalypse. Your generation has more drama than a Royal Rumble. And still the champ is here. Snap into a Slim Jim. Oh yeah, you've been roasted, ghosted, gaslit and soft-blocked and somehow you came out the other side with a drip GPA and skin clearer than Andy's budgeting plan. You didn't just survive.
Speaker 0:And now, as I stand here in front of this beautiful sea of Gen Z greatness, I declare I am the limo riding photo booth, sliding TikTok, tribal chief speaker of the scholars, ruler of the rock and the face that runs this graduation place. You have all the power, you have the voice and, as of today, you hold the pencil to write the next chapter. Just remember when life gives you Andy and Al. Hit them with a folding chair of self-respect, walk off stage and go viral doing it. Now, if you smell what the people's champ is cooking, throw your caps in the air, storm the stage and tell your guidance counselor Eric Scott Gold runs this town. Oh, and don't run all over in the process. I don't know what kind of insurance the school gives them. God forbid if we have to send them to St Mary's. You won't see him for about two months. Listen guys, I'm DJ ESG Kids, kids.
Speaker 0:These days they care about three things Women and men, depending upon who you are TikTok videos and how to go viral and when they get to college, what they're going to do after college, that's also going to be on TikTok or Instagram and go viral. That's what you need these days. You need people that understand these children, not spreadsheets and PDFs and this and that and the other thing, because kids don't give a fuck about that. They care about college. They care about getting out of college. Once they get out of college, they'll figure it out because they're going to learn everything in college that they need to know about real life Not high school in college and if they don't go to college, they're going to learn it right now because they're going to get street smarts, people that actually understand them and actually talk to them and actually can get down to their level. Okay, it ain't you Al, it ain't you Andy. Like I said on another podcast, both you guys can suck my ass.
