Balance & Beyond
Balance and Beyond is the podcast for ambitious women refusing to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive and where you have the power to define success on your own terms.
Balance & Beyond
Unmasking High-Functioning Burnout and Hyper-Independence in Ambitious Women
Unlock the secrets to recognising and combating high-functioning burnout in our enlightening episode on Balance and Beyond. Join me and the insightful coach Sabina as we promise to guide you through the often-misunderstood territory of burnout, especially for ambitious women who appear to have it all together. Discover the subtle, creeping signs like increased anxiety and sleep disturbances, which can quietly escalate over time due to ingrained behaviours and relentless demands. We delve into strategies that can help you take proactive steps to prevent this crisis and ensure that burnout is not a predetermined consequence of a demanding lifestyle.
In the second part of our candid conversation, we tackle the intricate concept of hyper-independence. This mindset, often summed up by the thought "if you want something done right, do it yourself," can lead to burnout by pushing individuals to take on too much without acknowledging personal limits. Sabina and I dissect how societal and familial models contribute to this mindset, examining the stigma of asking for help. We emphasise that seeking help and setting boundaries are not signs of weakness but essential acts of self-care. Embrace interdependence and support as we highlight the real costs of ignoring your needs and guide you toward a healthier, more balanced life.
To view the Transcript from this week's episode, visit our Balance & Beyond Podcast webpage: https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast/2025/85
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Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast!
Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here we're committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive and where you have the power to define success on your terms. I honor the space you've created for yourself today, so let's take a breath and dive right in. High achiever burnout. It's a thing. Today we are talking about burnout and the lesser known patterns, the sneaky way that burnout is impacting women and what you can do about it. And today I'm joined by the wonderful coach, sabina. Hi, sabina, thanks for joining me today. Hi, jo, great to be here. High functioning burnout it's something that isn't really discussed a lot. I'm curious what's your take on I guess you'd call it the spectrum of burnout, and how do people know if they're stuck in high functioning or high achiever burnout?
Sabina:Well, burnout has become a bit of a buzzword, let's face it. People used to talk about what was it Nervous breakdowns back in the day, in the eighties and nineties, like, yeah, she had a nervous breakdown, and now the buzzword is burnout. It's a buzzword but it's also very real and, yeah, very, very prevalent. And when we talk about burnout, I think there's this kind of connotation of you're lying starfish on your bed and just you know, comatose and can't do anything. But actually you know a lot of people, a lot of women that we see and you know, myself included.
Sabina:I have experienced this I laugh now because it's so long ago but high functioning burnout you can be high functioning and still be in burnout. We often can't see ourselves what is a little bit like a slow moving car crash, frankly, and other people may start to get a sense of it before you do. And so the point where you're actually collapsed and unable to get up and go to work or function in your family, that's extreme. There are different stages of burnout actually, so that's really extreme. But burnout doesn't happen overnight. It can happen, you know, six months before, one year before, two years before, and often the patterns come from you know much earlier in life, because certain behaviors or ways of showing up in life can contribute to burnout when your plate suddenly becomes really full. So we're really keen today to talk about some signs that can point you that it might be time to take some preventative steps before you hit collapse.
Jo:Yeah, you don't have to wait until you get to hospital to reach out and ask for help, and I always get. I guess the word is a little more concerned when I get people on calls with us and they say you know what, jo, I'm kind of looking forward to burnout, because then I can get some time in the hospital to rest. I'm like, oh my God, have we really got that bad where you're prepared to just push yourself until your body literally breaks, because that is the only way you will give yourself permission to finally take stock or to finally give your body what it's craving. And, as you said, we've all been there. I found myself checking into hospital because there was something going on.
Jo:So we are very, very good at ignoring all the signs unless it's too late. So, as you said, it's important that we raise awareness of what is high functioning burnout. So let's talk, sabina, about some of the I guess you would say patterns that can be early precursors or early warnings that something's not quite right with. I guess the key message that you don't have to live this way just because you're high functioning doesn't mean that it's a fact of life. So many women think that, well, I've got a big job. I'm juggling family exhaustion is just inevitable and I just suck it up. Everyone I know feels the same way. We're all in the same boat. No, it does not have to be that way. So, sabina, talk to us about what are some of those early signs?
Sabina:Yeah. So look, everybody's different, right. But some things that you can start tuning into. Am I feeling more anxious and stressed than normal? Am I having trouble falling asleep? Am I waking up at 3am in the morning? You know all of these things.
Sabina:Medical disclaimer I'm not a doctor. You know you may need to go and get yourself checked out for other things, but all these little signs can be pointing you that I need to make some changes, because if I don't, I could be heading towards burnout. Because if I don't, I could be heading towards burnout, being extra grumpy or irritable or snappy or barking at people that you really care about, or losing it in a work meeting, and that's probably slightly more advanced form of burnout. But you know when your tolerance levels or patience, your notice, is wearing thin. Certainly, if you're getting feedback from people, mum, you're really grumpy. What's wrong with you? No, I'm not. I'm just busy.
Sabina:Eat your food, hurry up, get out. That's a really good sign. I'm really passionate about the nervous system. So our nervous system, our bodies, our emotions are always giving us feedback, so our brains can be still on form. You're still showing up, you're still, you know, achieving, you're still being productive, but your body's often giving you signs. So you know you could be in a bit more heightened fight response. You know your sympathetic nervous system might be a little bit heightened and so that's more of that kind of angry, irritable energy. You could be more anxious, you may be going off your food or you may be overeating. To combat stress, there's some interesting ways, aren't they, jo, that we see people starting to lead up to too much stress.
Jo:Overeating or overindulging in anything, whether that's suddenly you need a glass of wine every night to calm down, and then you need to sit in front of the TV for an hour to try to wind down, or you need to doom scroll. You know, some of these quite destructive patterns are really a way of avoiding the emotions that your body just wants you to feel.
Sabina:Yeah, and procrastination can sometimes kick in. You can have a huge to-do list that's never ending, and yet you find yourself just slumped on the sofa, you know, inhaling ice cream.
Jo:Apparently, I've never actually done that, so has someone said I haven't actually done that. It's bad to say what flavour's the thing.
Sabina:But you know that that's a bit of a sort of a slumped um nervous system response, where you just can't fire the engine enough but your brain's probably still going really fast and you're going through your to-do list but you're kind of half collapsed, half going really fast and, like the, the, your, the back of your brain is growing because there's so much in there, but you're actually procrastinating and you can't actually get up to go and do something about it. Um, so yeah, you know, uh, other people tend to do more bizarrely, you know, stepping up and thinking, oh, I just have to achieve more to be even more efficient or productive, that'll be the ticket. No, that's not.
Jo:A meal plan never solved anything.
Sabina:You know, oh, yes, I just need to be more helpful and I'm feeling really collapsed, but maybe I just need to be more helpful. And I'm feeling really collapsed, but maybe I just need to be more helpful. And, yes, I'll put my hand up to take someone else's kids home from school, no, and so what we sometimes see happening is that you do more, but then there's this feeling of I'm not doing anything properly. I'm failing at home, I'm failing at work, I'm failing as a daughter, I'm failing as a wife. Haven't had sex in six months, oh God, you know, all the things get off me. Um, you know, and.
Sabina:And so there can be this feeling of'm just I'm just not hitting the mark with anything. So there's a mindset piece there. I'm not doing good enough, even though your outward activity is, you know, on steroids you're doing too much. But there's a disconnect, and so that thought pattern can sometimes go I'm not doing well enough. You know, I'm kind of failing and gosh, you know, I really need, I really need to do something for myself, but I don't deserve it Because I'm not, I'm not hitting the mark, and that's often a clue.
Sabina:Yes, you do, you need to step up the self care, because you are going to head into deep stage burnout if you don't. But then the mindset, the mind gremlins and the inner critic tells you that you don't deserve it. Right, and so you can then go past that. You know, alarm sign Imagine. I'm just saying that you know the engine oil sign flashing or the petrol sign flashing. You see it flashing and you go, I'll be fine, I'll just take on something else and I'll do it really well, and then I'll feel confident, and then I'll feel deserving to go, and you know, have a break or find a coach or have a massage. That's a sneaky way in which burnout plays out right.
Jo:And what can happen if you haven't got that mindset shift is we find women go and have the massage, or go and have the girls night or, you know, like you said, invest in a coach or do whatever it is that they need. And yet if they haven't done the mindset shift, they will feel guilty while they're on the massage table and they can't actually relax because their mind's like I shouldn't be here. I've got so much to do, right, when I get back, I've got to buy some bananas, and then we've got to paint the room and then I've got to no, no, no, and so they come back and go. Well, I've just spent money. I've not been as efficient as I could be. That wasn't even worth it, because they can't disconnect for a minute.
Sabina:So this is why all usually the efforts of self-care aren't even effective, because you guilt yourself the whole time you're doing them. Yeah, that's right, it's a mindset of I'm not deserving, and if you notice that soundtrack in your head, that can often be an early sign of whoa, hang on a minute. You're discounting just how much you do and you're putting yourself down the list and telling yourself that I don't really deserve this.
Jo:No, no, no, no. And it becomes then. Well, we also see a really interesting pattern, which I guess can be some of those early warning signs as well. When the kitchen bench is clean, we've got through the birthday parties, you know, I'm on top of my to-do list. I'm for this big project at work, then I'll go out with the girlfriends. So not only does it become a I don't deserve it. Then there's this added layer of I now have to do all these extra things just to earn it, and then they can be the added if you and your partner, depending on where you're at All. Right, well, I've had a night out with the girls. Oh, now I owe him one, and now we're counting, and now I'm going to have to have the kids all night, because now he gets the thing and then he won't do it, and it just stirs up all of this emotion which can be a really, really big nightmare, and you're like, oh, too hard, I'll just sit on the couch and eat ice cream, which isn't actually what you need.
Sabina:Yeah, and isn't it interesting how this is a difference in gender. Women are often scanning the environment, really hypervigilant to everybody else's needs. Are the kids sorted? Is mum sorted? Is hubby sorted? Oh no, my boss, we're hypervigilant about everyone else's needs, checking to see if something's about to go wrong, trying to preempt, trying to come up with plan A, b, c, d, or maybe I should do E, instead of again checking in with your own internal system. Is there a warning light flashing somewhere? Is it my health? Is it my mood? Is it you know? What is the internal flashing light that's going off that you actually need to check in with and give yourself permission, need to check in with and give yourself permission not to override your own truth, because you're putting other people's needs, or imagining other people's needs, ahead of what's actually actually going on for you right now. And this is when you can learn to actually disconnect.
Jo:And this is when you can learn to actually disconnect. We can see people in very, very late stages of burnout to repair really, really fast, can't we? When you make those mindset shifts and they're supported by the patterns, and this is, you know, this is not just going and spending a week at a day spa. You know that can be a lovely thing to do. That's a really big bandaid, but you're going to come back and if that mindset is still there, well then, now you're going to have to go and prove that you were worthy of that thing. So this worthiness, combined with the hypervigilance, as you said, and all these warning lights, can be exhausting.
Sabina:That's right. That's right, and women are really good at pushing past the point of exhaustion, and it's actually amazing how many Ks they've got left in the tank when the petrol's already empty. It's really impressive.
Jo:It's a little worrying that we've just normalized running on fumes, that it's okay to be exhausted and it's okay to be, you know, only just scraping by till Friday night before you go horizontal because that's all you've got left. But I guess the other thing we see too, which can be this I've got to keep going, I've got to keep going. Along with this hypervigilance can be hyperindependence, which is a really interesting streak, isn't it? That can be a very, very strong indicator that burnout is either inevitable or it could come faster and hit you harder. So talk us through, Sabina. What does hyper independence look like?
Sabina:Yeah, hyper independence is something that we see quite a lot of actually in our community, with women stepping into our world, where it's this, you know. The mindset is if you want something done, well, do it yourself. Oh, it's just quicker. If I do it myself, oh God, they're not going to do it properly anyway. Or I'm not sure if I do it myself, oh God, they're not going to do it properly anyway. Or I'm not sure if I can really trust them to do a good enough job.
Sabina:There are some other ways in which it plays out, but it's this habitual autopilot of not even checking in with yourself to see if you're the best person to do something and just taking on all the tasks. The problem is that it can sometimes be recognized and rewarded, particularly in the workplace. It can sometimes be the thing that has you promoted. You know you're seen as a gun. She's a gun, you know. And at home as well, you know, kids can sometimes see mum being this superwoman and doing everything, or et cetera, et cetera.
Sabina:But it's it becomes this overdone strength.
Sabina:Yes, it's good to be independent and to be able to stand on your own two feet and not collapse, but we need to be interdependent, we need to be able to know what we need ourselves and to be okay with reaching out and asking for support or input or collaboration or cooperation when needed, not this hyper-independence that we see, which is where women are subconsciously or consciously thinking that it's going to create conflict or they're going to be seen as vulnerable or less than or not capable If they ask for help.
Sabina:There's a lot of shame actually that we hear spoken about in admitting that you need help, in admitting that you're feeling a bit vulnerable, in admitting that you need help, in admitting that you're feeling a bit vulnerable, in admitting that you've reached capacity. So if any of that is striking a chord and you think, oh, maybe that's me, this might be a sign that you need to have a conversation with someone and lift the lid of shame or just be open and say what's going on for you. You don't have to do it all yourself. Doing it all yourself is not only not good for you, it doesn't allow others to step in and be in your world. It doesn't help people to step up and collaborate at work, and if you're a mum, you're also role modelling. You have to do it all yourself?
Jo:No, no, we need to change this narrative and for many of us, that was modeled by our parents. Often our mothers can have some of this, uh, martyr complex. We leave it with me and yet they walk around the house stewing in resentment because nobody else helps around here, like, no, no, you train them not to help. So this is our opportunity to be much better at recognizing. Yes, being, as you said, independent can be a great thing, but you are not broken.
Jo:If you need help, you don't need someone else's permission to ask for help. You don't need someone else's permission to do something that meets your needs, whether that's go to bed early or to invest in a coach, or to have a massage or to take care of yourself. Because we don't have that internal worthiness barometer, because we don't have the mindset, we then go looking outside ourselves. Well, I don't know, I'd like to do it, but what do you think? It's this hypervigilance? We now look outside for permission that it's okay for us to take care of ourselves because we haven't yet earned it and we don't deserve it and we're failing, but if someone else tells us to do it, then it's okay. It's a bit warped, isn't it, spina?
Sabina:It is, and you know. Something that's really important to think about is if you are secretly or now not so secretly aware that you've got some of these elements of brewing. Sorry, not sorry, not sorry. Spoiler alert Do something. This is ringing alarm bells. Something that's really important to ask yourself is what is the actual cost going to be if I do actually collapse and fall over. That is going to be far more significant in terms of time, money, expectations, not being able to deal with the family, not being able to do your job. That is a very real, tangible cost if you don't start to tend to your needs and your mindset and your tools and how you're showing up. It's far better. Prevention is better than cure. And yeah, we've both been there, jo, haven't we? And it's once you've been there. Some women have been there two or three times. When they come into our worlds, we're like, okay, we really need to upgrade. So, yeah, I hope this has been illuminating and helpful, because we're really passionate about having these conversations and raising awareness, aren't we?
Jo:Yeah, and these are the signs of burnout. Everyone can talk about the brain fog and the other lining up in hospital, but it's these traits, particularly of high achieving women, particularly of this high functioning burnout, that we've almost put on a pedestal. I mean, I've been at school functions where it's almost this excuse my French like a pissing contest between who's the busiest. I'm like what are we five? Well, I'm juggling this and this and I'm the this at school and I'm at this. Oh my God, why are we glorifying busy? Why are we making it okay to? Yeah, you know, I haven't really slept through the night, you know, since my kids were five. And no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't want this.
Jo:So it's really important that we show you the other side, to give you some of these clues that are less obvious. So, most importantly, you can do something about it, because you don't have to earn your rest, you don't have to feel guilty. Burnout does not have to be inevitable, especially if you're juggling a big job and family that there is another way. You don't have to quit your job, you don't have to blow up your life, but there are ways to eliminate these signs and to really step into the best version of you. Any parting words, sabina, for people who are now either feeling really naked and vulnerable because we've just completely called them out hopefully, hopefully, lovingly called them out.
Sabina:Yeah, you know. A question that you might like to to contemplate is how does everyone get to benefit when I take care of myself or take care of my needs? How does it benefit everyone when I avoid burnout?
Jo:You know, flip that narrative. It's not inevitable. And, of course, you know where to find us. If we've seen you and the kimono is now on the floor, come talk to us. We know you probably better than you know yourself. So thank you for listening. No kimonos required If you can't see on video.
Jo:Sabine is quitting events. We've gone x-rated pretty quick. Clearly it's time to wrap. Have a wonderful day. We hope this has brought a smile to your face and we will see you again next time on Balance and Beyond. Thanks for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world to us. If you're keen to dive deeper into our world, visit balanceinstitutecom to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time on the Balance and Beyond podcast.
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