Balance & Beyond

Moment: The 2 Words That Set Me Free

• Jo Stone • Season 4 • Episode 14

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The phrase "Let them" has been a game changer for recognizing how often we try to control the people we love. These two simple words from Mel Robbins have unlocked tremendous power by revealing how much energy we waste trying to manage others' thoughts, opinions, and behaviors.

• Our attempts to control others are often disguised as efficiency, taking charge, or keeping things running
• Small moments like a child using too much peanut butter or playing songs on repeat trigger our control impulses
• The urge to correct, rescue, fix, and manage others drains enormous amounts of energy
• Saying "let them" helps identify where we're trying to control others unnecessarily
• The key is to follow up by asking "why do I need them to be different right now?"
• Control attempts often reflect us imposing our own values on others
• Particularly as women, we leak tremendous energy caring and worrying about others
• This practice is about detachment - stopping the control of others and turning the spotlight back on yourself

I've just launched a quiz that uncovers your unique burnout archetype – the pattern driving your exhaustion, guilt and over-responsibility. Find the link in the show notes to take this quick seven-question quiz and discover tailored insights to fix your specific burnout pattern.

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Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast!

Jo:

Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments. Your weekly dose of insight, wisdom and mindset shifts, all in 10 minutes or less, whether it's a powerful truth, a fresh perspective or a spark of inspiration, this is your space to pause, reflect and reset. Let's dive in. I didn't realize how often I was trying to control the people I love until I started whispering two simple words under my breath Let them, whether you've heard all this of this or not. This phrase, which has been coined by the wonderful Mel Robbins, she of Instagram and book fame, has been a game changer. They're two really, really simple words, but I want to share with you today the power that they have unlocked and how much.

Jo:

Even someone like me, who has done so much work on myself, who likes to consider myself very self-aware I've actually been trying to control people and places and things so much more than I ever realized. Because here's the thing when we are trying to keep life running, we've got this. You know, I've got to be efficient, I've got to take charge, I've got to make things happen, particularly when it comes to relationships, particularly when it comes to parenthood, it can be really, really easy to avoid the reality of what you're really trying to do. We dress it up. As you know, I need to make sure we're somewhere on time. I've got to keep this world spilling. This is all part of the juggle, whereas in reality, you I guarantee it, you, I guarantee it are spending so much more energy than you need to worrying about the thoughts, opinions, behaviors of others. I have found this to be incredibly powerful in the little moments, and these are the little moments when, particularly as a parent, like, why do they do that?

Jo:

My daughter on the weekend was buttering her toast and she was putting so much peanut butter on her toast as in an obscene amount it was. Literally there was a bit of toast supporting her peanut butter. And I found myself about to open my mouth and go, why are you putting so much peanut butter on there? And I went let her, just let her, let her put as much. There's only so much peanut butter that can go. And I went let her just let her. Let her put as much. There's only so much peanut butter that can go on one piece of toast. And yeah, we might go through more than I would like, but just let her let them, let her do this. My other daughter has a particular song that she's listening to on repeat. And she put it on again on the car the other day and I went no, don't try to control it, just let her do that thing. Even my husband was rolling his leg. I'm like that's not going to help roll the thing that you saw. Let him, let him do the thing.

Jo:

There were all these little micro moments that on the surface don't seem like much, but this internal urge to correct, rescue, fix, make better, manage, make more efficient is a huge, huge drain of your energy. I had no idea how much I was doing this, your energy. I had no idea how much I was doing this. And these are all the humane moments that it's easy to brush off and go. Oh, my nervous system. Yes, that was annoying, that grated on me. It shouldn't be that way, but this can happen 20, 30, 40 times in a day.

Jo:

Imagine what this is doing to your nervous system, the leakage, the opportunity for you. If you can let go of worrying about what other people are doing or how they're doing it, what could be possible for you? Now, the key here to Mel's phrase is yes, we can say let them go off and do your thing. Go off and put your toes how you want, roll out how you want, dress how you want, whatever it may be right, obviously, within parenting there are certain bounds here, but the key phrase, the key part of this is okay, let them have as much toast as they want. And now let me bring awareness to why do I need them to be different right now? Why can't I regulate myself? Let me worry about myself, let me not spend so much energy worrying about the damn peanut butter and what this begins to highlight. They're almost like energetic, spiritual life stop signs that go ha, that urge is there. That urge is there and I think, particularly in parenthood, it starts off early. Right, you know, don't put your hands near that power socket, don't grab the knife, don't do this thing.

Jo:

We're constantly course correcting and nudging all the time that there are many opportunities for us to just say you know what? That doesn't matter, can I let that thing go? And when you do, you will begin to see how often other people are just holding up giant mirrors. I know for me, a big you could say value or thing that's important to me in life is efficiency. I've got lots to do, I've got a big life to lead and I don't want anybody doing. Particularly, this goes for me. I don't want somebody doing something that isn't going to give them a return or be a useful spend of their time. Yeah, but that's my value. What does it matter if anyone's? I'm trying so hard, so often to take my values and impinge them upon others and it is any wonder they end up rejecting it. They throw it back in your face and it causes huge amounts of conflict.

Jo:

So the question for you today is to really begin to notice. Where is somebody in your life where you're like. Is that little noise, like, oh, that's bothering me. Oh, they shouldn't be doing it that way? Where is your opportunity to detach, which is at its core? That's what this theory is. It's a concept that we teach about detachment. Detaching and not making it mean anything about you To stop controlling other people, to turn the spotlight back on yourself. Okay, I'm going to let her have the peanut butter. I'm going to let her keep her room like that, within certain bounds. I'm going to let her do that with her hair. I'm going to let her do whatever it may be.

Jo:

And now, reclaiming your own peace, what it means for you, what you can do with yourself. Particularly as women, I find we leak so much energy caring and worrying and doing other things for everyone else. So I encourage you to adopt this concept say, let them do whatever it is and let me do whatever it is that you need to do for you. Plug these leaks in your bucket, try it, and I promise it will be a game changer for you. Let them is powerful, but even more powerful is understanding why you struggle to let go.

Jo:

This has been such a big part of my journey, and if you have been noticing how much of your energy is spent managing others whether it's their emotions, their needs, their reactions, doing all that preempting I have created something that will help. I've just launched a quick quiz that uncovers your unique burnout archetype. This is going to be the pattern driving your exhaustion, your guilt and your over-responsibility. And if you come up as the silent martyr or relentless juggler just two of the archetypes this let them is going to be even more potent for you. So you will get a tailored result with insights that are exactly what is going to cause your burnout and how to fix it.

Jo:

You'll find the link in the show notes. It's just seven quick questions and I promise it's a game changer, so let them let me and have a great day. It's a game changer, so let them let me and have a great day. Thanks for taking this moment for yourself. If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today, and don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite-sized breakthroughs. See you next time.

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Jo Stone

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