Balance & Beyond

Busy as Hell and Fried: Why So Many Women Are Spiralling Right Now

• Jo Stone • Season 3 • Episode 102

Share episode

Overwhelm isn't just a fleeting feeling anymore—it's become the air we breathe. In this candid conversation, Sabina and Jo explore why we're all feeling caught in this collective chaos and how our desperate attempts to maintain control are actually making everything worse.

The world is undeniably chaotic right now. Between geopolitical tensions, economic uncertainty, workplace demands, and the rapid integration of AI into our lives, it's no wonder we're all feeling stretched beyond capacity. But rather than acknowledging our limitations, many of us respond by gripping tighter to whatever we can control—often micromanaging our families, perfecting insignificant details, and taking on more responsibilities despite being already overwhelmed.

Sabina shares the powerful metaphor of the "runaway train" of busyness that gains such momentum we forget how to apply the brakes. Meanwhile, our bodies send urgent signals through racing thoughts at bedtime, middle-of-the-night email checking, and physical restlessness. The counterintuitive truth is that slowing down isn't just nice—it's necessary for our survival and success.

The most liberating realization? You have permission to say no, to disappoint others occasionally, and to focus on what truly matters. Instead of spreading yourself thin across countless obligations, try this simple exercise: identify one thing to focus on wholeheartedly, one thing to drop completely, and one thing to do for your body or spirit that brings joy. Remember—your worth isn't measured by how busy you are. Take our burnout archetype quiz to discover the patterns driving your particular brand of busyness and receive practical micro-dose strategies to reclaim your power, peace and presence.

To view the Transcript from this week's episode, visit our Balance & Beyond Podcast webpage: https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast/2025/102

Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself!

If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, here are our socials where you can discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women create a life of balance.

Website: www.balanceinstitute.com
Podcast Website: https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast
Email: jo@balanceinstitute.com
LinkedIn: https://au.linkedin.com/in/stonejoanne
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/betterbalanceinstitute/
Instagram: @betterbalanceinstitute

Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast!

Jo:

Everyone's busy, but lately it seems to have tipped into something else, a kind of collective chaos where overwhelm is the new oxygen and we're all suffocating slowly. I'm joined by Sabina today. Sabina, what's really going on? What's behind this feeling of busy?

Sabina:

Great question, big question when do I start all the things right? I think it's collectively agreed that the times that we're living in are pretty wild Doesn't mean that we have to lose our centre, but there's geopolitical stuff going on. We've had elections in Australia, elections, you know, in other parts of the world, you know there's lots of talk about the economy and the pace of life has just really ramped up, I think in 2025. You know, resources in workplaces are, you know, know the screws are being turned even more, expected to do more with less, and uh.

Sabina:

And then there's that little thing called ai. That seems to a little thing. We both a blessing a blessing, let's face it, my goodness. It's super exciting and sexy in some ways, but in some ways it's also a curse, and I think we need to really build in a lot more consciousness, right now more than ever, to find ways to zoom out, take a breath, step back and find ways to counter the crazy, to counter the busy. At a time when you feel like you don't have the opportunity to take a breath, that's when it's even more important to do so, isn't it, jo?

Jo:

Absolutely. And there's some very, very common themes that we see in our world, and I think all three of us on our team can speak to this, because we've also fallen victim to them, because we are human and this is those mistaken stories we tell ourselves about. Oh, it's just a season. When I get through, blah, blah, blah. Then I'll X Y, z, take care of myself, go for that coffee with a friend. Meanwhile, six months passes and you still haven't done the thing or still haven't caught up with that friend.

Jo:

So we end up believing, mistakenly, that we can control the busy, that busy is inherently bad and there's a problem with the way that we're living our lives. Instead of saying, how do I find space for myself in this life? And that's going to involve letting go of one particular c-word, sabina, that we see so many women desperate to maintain, particularly in busy times, in uncertain times. What's that c-word, sabina? Control, oh, control everything. Hold on really tight knife says it's gonna happen this way and this way and this way and this way, this way yeah, and of course, that makes sense.

Sabina:

When we are feeling more and more out of control or that external forces are, um, you know, really influencing our world, the less and less in control we feel, and so we have this counter force and desire to grip on tighter, because no one wants to feel powerless, no one wants to feel helpless, and so we look around, clutching, sometimes desperately, at all the things that we can control, and, yeah, it makes sense.

Sabina:

And where are you basically expending really valuable energy on things that you can't control anyway? And in doing so, you're just becoming so busy and, frankly, exhausted and it's somewhat futile. Really, it is somewhat futile. And again, this is a pattern we see a lot is that the more stressed we are, the more we try to control. And sometimes, you know, we see it playing out at home people with their partners becoming a little bit maybe naggy or micromanaging the children. And we were talking about this earlier, weren't we in one of our one of our mentorship programs, that the people that we share our homes with are often very good at giving us the feedback when we're being over controlling, and that is often a clue and a cue to stop, reassess and go okay, what am I actually trying to achieve with all this over control? What is actually going on, but beneath the surface?

Jo:

and there's also with that controlling almost tips us into over functioning, because we want to control everything. So our perfectionist ramps up, we end up beating ourselves up more, which actually just makes us more exhausted, and so we lean more into the busy, but we're even more depleted, so we end up making mistakes or becoming more emotional. I had a mum I was speaking to at a school event recently and she ended up bursting into tears next to me and I said oh, what's going wrong? She said so-and-so is wearing the wrong colored shirt today because the right one was still dirty. I said does it what, what, what?

Jo:

She was an absolute puddle because she sent her kid together to school in the wrong colored shirt and in her mind that was yet again more evidence that she was failing, because she something else came up and she didn't have time to do the washing and so she's just holding everything together. And I looked at her and I said do you think it really matters? I said you're still a great mom and she just turned into more of a puddle and then pulled herself together and went. You know what? Actually, maybe it doesn't. I said I think you might better let that one go. Your kid's going to be okay and you're going to be okay. I said how about you go home tonight? Just go to bed early, don't stay up till 10 o'clock frantically doing whatever thing that you think you have to do to stop being a failure.

Sabina:

Yeah, it's this concept that we talk about again quite a lot, which is having too many tabs open. So when we feel out of control or there's a lot of instability or insecurity you know jobs, insecurity, it's a thing it's a thing and of course you're going to be affected. But when you have so many tabs open in your brain and you feel like you need to control X, y, z, a, b, c, 1, 2, 52 or 11 billion things, of course you're not going to be doing any of them justice and of course things are going to be slipping through the net. Give yourself some grace. Of course it's too much, and so, again, that's a clue how can I simplify? How can I slow down?

Sabina:

It doesn't mean you have to let go of ambition. It doesn't mean you have to let go of wanting the best for your children. It doesn't mean you have to let go of ambition. It doesn't mean you have to let go of wanting the best for your children. It doesn't mean you have to let go of setting your sights on your career aspirations. What it does mean is that you need to be more curated with your thoughts, with your actions and where you are trying to make an impact, because when you are spreading yourself too thin, because you're feeling out of control, that is a surefire way to not do anything properly.

Jo:

And Sabina we often talk about our as we start to get out of control and we lean into control and we lead into the busy. It's almost like our nervous system starts to get fried. What are some of the symptoms that someone's there going I mean most people probably know? Oh yes, I'm a bit fried, but anything you can share on how our nervous system works and what happens when it is in overdrive, hoping that a little bit of this whether you want to call it neuroscience or factual understanding, can help people see that you know what. It's not that I'm broken or I'm failing, I'm just working often beyond the capacity of what I might have.

Sabina:

Yeah. So our nervous systems and really our bodies, are a beautiful barometer to let us know how we're tracking. So instead of sometimes making our bodies the enemy or our emotions the enemy, go why? Why haven't I got the energy, you know, why is my body failing me? Or why can't I run as I used to pre babies, or why is my body shape changing? That's an opportunity to stop and go. What messages is my body telling me? What is my nervous system telling me?

Sabina:

It's a little bit like when we get so caught up in the busy and trying to be perfect. It's like a runaway train. It almost gathers speed that is out of control and you don't know how to put the um, the brakes on. You don't know how to slow down because you've been operating at that speed so long and so hard and so fast that, a you don't know where the brakes are and, b you're worried. What's going to happen if you do actually break and slow down? Will you ever be able to start up again? You're a good company, you're fine. You like my analogies, don't I? Jo, I'm sure listeners are going. What is she talking about today? It's like this runaway train and it's got all the carriages and you're carrying coal and then you stop at another station briefly going, hurry up, hurry up, load on another carriage and then you're off again.

Sabina:

And we have to. We are human beings. We have to learn to listen to our bodies and our nervous systems, because if we don't, you know, then their hormone issues, our endocrine systems, start being upset or we get joint problems. Whatever it is, we can, we can run so long on high cortisol and high stress until we suddenly can't. And we're very passionate, aren't we about prevention being better than cure? And that's why we do what we do here at the Balance Institute.

Sabina:

But your nervous system is often a barometer of how quickly you're able to regulate yourself. So there is this perception that you're supposed to be zen and calm and an earth mother and super cool as a cucumber leader. That's rubbish. Let's just throw that out the window. Your nervous system is designed to go into certain modes but then to be able to come back and regulate. So there is no perfect. But if you're finding that you're rushing, rushing, rushing and then when you sit down you can't actually sit down, you've got ants in your pants, or you can't lie down. When you go down to lie down to sleep. You've got racing thoughts or you're waking up at two or three or four in the morning and then going. You know what I just feel like going for a quick 5k run that's probably doing tomorrow's presentation.

Jo:

Yeah, I mean, I have some. I'm awake now. I may as well use the time and get a start on tomorrow.

Sabina:

That's it. I have some clients who say that they get up and check their emails at three o'clock in the morning because they can't sleep. That is a really obvious sign that your poor nervous system really needs some nourishing support.

Sabina:

So it can feel physically counterintuitive to slow down, but our bodies are always giving us feedback about what it needs and we need to learn to tune in and listen to that again.

Jo:

And that tuning in is something that when you are stuck in a high cortisol, busy train on full blast because you have to get wherever you think it is that you're going, it's like no time for noise, no time for feelings, no time for the bathroom. What hydration? I'll do that later. I'll just have wine. I know that's going to help my system. So we just fly forward. But you mentioned this word counterintuitive, and I know it took me a really, really long time to learn. We've heard for years slowing down, to speed up, but our bodies, our brains, like no, don't stop, Don't stop. We have to learn to put aside those voices, don't we? It's almost like that's the train going keep going, keep going. But the rest of you is like I need to stop because if you don't stop, eventually your body will just give up on you.

Sabina:

Yeah, it is, and so that, yeah, there's this phrase which is slow down to speed up, which it just becomes lip service.

Sabina:

But I think until you've experienced burnout yourself, which you and I both have, um you, it sometimes doesn't make sense. When you are incapacitated, whether it be mentally or physically or emotionally, you realize that you can only take small steps. And if you try and hurry yourself through a collapse, whether you realize you're collapsed or not, it's not sustainable and you're going to go 10 steps further backwards. So it is much better to to do to take preventative measures early, when you can feel yourself like this runaway train, um, and start slowing down and and zeroing in on what are my priorities, what are the really important levers and knobs that I need to turn in my life and what is all the extraneous crap that I just don't need to deal with right now, because it's not life and death, but if I don't slow down right now, honestly it may be a life or death situation. If I don't, you know, heart attacks don't happen now, it may happen in five years' time or 10 years' time.

Jo:

Yeah, and you have to accept that as part of this process. You will let people down and that's okay when you are in the process of unraveling or, you know, staying saying no to the busy. I actually had some parents recently message me from our school and say, jo, I haven't seen your name on this. There's a whole stack of volunteer stuff happening. You didn't bake for the bake sale. I just went.

Jo:

No, sorry, I would have loved to, but I've got a lot on right now and that was something that was optional. I didn't feel guilty at all. I slept very well that night. I had multiple text messages oh, your name's not on this list. You're not on the committee. No, I'm not, because right now I don't need to be. So I'm not making that mean anything about me. I'm not making that mean that I'm a failed parent or I'm just being very, very discerning because I am busy where I'm putting my energy and that is one place that is not required. So, part of this journey of letting go of control when you are able to say no to more things, you don't actually need to control as much because I'm not just adding more and more and more things to my plate and then wondering why I can't hold it all. So this is a lesson that most women have to learn the hard way, don't they, sabina? It's like we take on too much and then don't realise that we actually have the choice in putting some of those things down.

Sabina:

Yeah, you know. A question you might ask yourself, if you're listening, is how can I do fewer things better and I don't notice, I didn't say perfectly but how can I do fewer things, um, better, um, and also take care of my body and perhaps my relationships at the same time?

Jo:

because they're always within your control. Right, your body, your relationships are not subject to geopolitical movements, election cycles, bitcoin or gold prices, like you know, how much you drink, how much you eat, how much you sleep, how you nourish your nervous system are all fundamentally within your control. It's about putting the busy down, letting go of all the stuff that is, if you let it in, would have you rocking in the corner. Gotta learn to tune that out.

Sabina:

Yeah absolutely so. You know what another thing that you could take away from this episode is. What is, what is one thing that you do want to focus on, giving more of your attention to Do that, do that and go all in and do it in a fulfilling way. In a fulfilling way, what is one thing that you can drop and what is perhaps one thing that you can do for your body or your spirit to counter all the crazy? So do you need to send a message to a girlfriend and organize a girl's night out to have a giggle? Just have a giggle, or weep into some tea, whichever one it is, but you know.

Jo:

Put on the notebook and cry because that's what you need right now. Go for it, right.

Sabina:

Exactly? Or do you need to go and watch a movie by yourself? Do you want to go for a run? What can you do for your body? Just think about some going back to basics. How can you simplify and then also remember that you have a body and a spirit that also needs to feel some joy, and you're in control of that?

Jo:

Absolutely. This is all about yes, it's busy, but there is more control in the busy than we realize. So if you are caught in this cycle of doing, if you are stuck in the busy, if you can see yourself going around in circles Sabina gave you a great tip. Would love you to take that and actually do something with it. Say no to something if you have to, but also you can make sure you take our burnout archetype quiz and find out what is the pattern that is underneath your pace, and there's going to be some practical tips, usually micro doses, less than three minutes, because that's often all we have. That can make the difference between you feeling how you do now and feeling back in your power, back in your peace and back in the presence of your life.

Jo:

So thanks for joining me Sabina.

Sabina:

Thanks Jo.

Jo:

Thanks for joining us today on the balance and beyond podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today and, if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world to us. If you're keen to dive deeper into our world, visit balanceinstitutecom to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time on the Balance and Beyond podcast.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Jo Stone

Host