The Two-Word Swap That Changes Your Whole Day (Jo Moment)

I notice how fast two words, “I have to”, can flood my body with heaviness and resentment before the day even starts. I use a simple reframe, “I get to”, to interrupt that loop and take my power back in the middle of real life. 

• the dog-walk moment that triggers the “have to” spiral 
• why obligation creates shame, guilt, resentment and a victim mindset 
• how “I get to” shifts choice and control in seconds 
• the subconscious mind effect and the captain and engine room metaphor 
• why state control matters when the world feels chaotic 
• a practical challenge to swap one phrase today and observe the change 

If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs.

The Balance & Beyond Podcast Hosted by Jo Stone, founder of The Balance Institute

For women who are already succeeding, but beginning to wonder if they're willing to keep losing themselves in the process.

We know high achievers, because we are one. This podcast draws on Jo's 20 years in global leadership and thousands of hours coaching executives and ambitious women: the patterns she sees, how to untangle them, and what it actually takes to keep your success without paying for it with yourself.

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Transcript

Welcome And A Quick Reset

Jo Stone (Host) 0:28

Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments, your weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and mindset shifts, all in 10 minutes or less. Whether it's a powerful truth, a fresh perspective, or a spark of inspiration, this is your space to pause, reflect, and reset. Let's dive in. On Tuesday morning, I woke up with this thought that hit me like a wet fish across the face. Oh my god, I've gotta walk the dog this morning. And I hadn't had that thought in six months because our dear Buster has been at my father-in-law's farm. So for six months, mornings have been mine. Sure, I've had kids to get ready and drive to stations and things, but I've been able to plot my own exercise and do what I wanted. Now the thought wasn't the problem. What surprised me is thankfully how little I actually have that thought anymore. Because the moment I had that, oh my God, I have to walk the dog, there was this huge amount of heaviness and resentment and grumpiness that literally overtook me like a wet blanket before my feet had even hit the floor. Those two words, I have to, are incredibly toxic for your everyday life. And this is what I call a reframe. It's one of the key ones I teach to my clients. But this, I am not underexaggerating when I say if you do nothing else from every podcast episode of mine that you've ever listened to, is make this switch. And that is shifting out of I have to walk the dog, I have to pick up the kids, I have to cook dinner. And you want to shift to get to. That one I really struggle with. When I'm saying I have to, not only is there this heaviness, but I'm actually in a state of obligation. Obligation is what comes with shame, guilt, resentment. But the most toxic and dangerous thing that obligation as an emotional state does is it takes away your power. Because when you're an obligation, it's something that you have to do. It means that life is happening to you. You don't have any control over it. And we all hate that feeling of not being able to control our time or our lives or feeling trapped. And that spirals so quickly because it's so easy. I found myself this morning going, Oh, I've got to walk the dog. I've got to take the kids to the station. Oh, damn, I've got to pack lunches. And suddenly it was this have to, have to, have. And I was just giving away my power, hemorrhaging it out of my system. And now I'm a complete victim to what life is throwing at me. None of this is about the dog. None of this is about the kids or the lunches or the station runs or anything like that. They are neutral. But when I shift to I get to, even when it's forced, and trust me, this morning I was saying to myself, I get to pick up the dog poop, I get to walk in the rain. It sounds ridiculous. It sounds almost like you're forcing it. Here's what it actually does: when you change your language, it interrupts the state. Your subconscious mind doesn't know how to interpret things. So when I say I get to, it goes, okay, I'm choosing to. It tricks your body out of this insane resentment loop that is so easy before it even takes hold. My nervous system does not know the difference. When I talk about your subconscious mind, think about it like you've got a captain in the top of the bridge of a ship. And your subconscious mind is in the engine room. It can't see out, it has no idea. Your conscious mind gives it all the context. So when your subconscious is like, oh, we have to do this, we have to do that, we have no control, we don't have control of our time, everything's happening to us. It goes, okay, I'll find you more of that. And in this day and age, it's really easy to feel like everything is happening to you. But this gets to change. And I really want to emphasize this can sound a bit like a party trick. It can feel a bit trivial because for many people right now, they do feel like life is happening to them, whether it's politics, global events, economic changes. But when you are able to control your state, that is one of the few things you have control over. You have control over what you think, what you feel, what you put in your eyes, your mouth, your ears, what you listen to, what you watch. And so the more you can stay in control of that, and particularly your language, how you talk to yourself, it's going to impact access to your creativity, to being present in the moment. Because when you're a victim, you're being dragged through your life. And that is a horrific feeling. The bleeding, again, I cannot underestimate how much that changes everything. And I've been around people who are victims to everything. And you become trapped by that narrative. And it's all you talk about. And I'm sure if I was to look at these people's feeds, that's all it is. So your choice today is to decide where do I get to do something? And sometimes it can be a challenge. I don't like cooking. And so when I say, yay, I get to cook dinner tonight, it can feel forced and it can feel really fake because deep down I'm like, no, you don't. You hate cooking. But even in that moment, choosing to change my words puts me back in my power. I'm more likely to enjoy it. I'm more likely to find or have a positive memory or experience from it. And if nothing else, I'm containing it. I'm not allowing that sense of obligation to pollute the rest of that minute, that hour, that day, which is so, so easy to do. So today, a simple task choice that I would love you to make. And it takes half a second. Find something that you feel like you have to do. Do you have to call your parents? Do you have to go to this meeting and actually decide, you know what? I get to. One swap changes everything. Don't wait till you believe it, because you may not do it anyway, because this belief that you have and the emotional shift you make will catch up to the language. And then notice what happens to the rest of your morning. From Buster and Me, I get to go and have a cuddle with him. Talk soon. Thanks for taking this moment for yourself. If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. See you next time.