The Secret I've Hidden About Motherhood Until Now (Jo Moment)

Mother’s Day hype can make it feel like becoming a mum should complete you, and we push back on that idea with honesty and grit. We name the script that shames women for wanting more, and we argue that loving your kids and loving yourself can sit side by side. 
• rejecting the idea that motherhood alone must feel “enough” 
• separating love for our kids from loss of self 
• telling the truth about ambition, travel, and relief 
• unpacking judgement and the “Boss Woman” label 
• naming the cultural script that rewards disappearing 
• describing the quiet internal cost of performing “perfect mum” 
• choosing a new story where we take up space 
If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. 
And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. 

The Balance & Beyond Podcast Hosted by Jo Stone, founder of The Balance Institute

For women who are already succeeding, but beginning to wonder if they're willing to keep losing themselves in the process.

We know high achievers, because we are one. This podcast draws on Jo's 20 years in global leadership and thousands of hours coaching executives and ambitious women: the patterns she sees, how to untangle them, and what it actually takes to keep your success without paying for it with yourself.

If something landed today, there's more where that came from.

And if you know a woman this would resonate with, send it her way.

🎙️https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast
🔗 www.balanceinstitute.com
💼https://au.linkedin.com/in/stonejoanne
📷 @therealjostone

Transcript

Welcome And Quick Reset

Jo Stone (Host) 0:28

Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments, your weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and mindset shifts, all in 10 minutes or less. Whether it's a powerful truth, a fresh perspective, or a spark of inspiration, this is your space to pause, reflect, and reset. Let's dive in. It's Mother's Day this weekend, and amongst all the pink slippers and bathrobe energy, there's all these quotes about being mum is the best gift in the world and yada yada yada. This episode isn't that. The only pink thing about this is the jumper I happen to be wearing today. I'm going to say something about motherhood out loud that I've held off saying for many, many years. But the longer I keep this in, the more of a disservice it's doing to me and to you. Because I know there are many, many women out there who feel the same way I do. Being a mother on its own has never been enough for me. This is a truth that I've been shamed for by myself and society most of my adult life. I love my kids fiercely. And motherhood alone was never going to make me feel whole. I thought that for a long time there was something wrong with me, that my kids were meant to complete me, be all my dreams come true. My purpose in life is fulfilled. Now the timer to die. I'm a mother. But in truth, I have my own goals, my own dreams, my own ambitions. And I knew really early on that if I sacrificed all that on the altar of what a good mother was supposed to look like, that I would actually be a terrible mother, not a great one, a terrible one. And I have carried guilt about these feelings for such a long time. I used to talk to friends and colleagues who would share how they missed their kids so much when they're at the office and they couldn't stop thinking about them. And how did I deal with the pain of traveling and being away from my kids? And this was at the point where I was traveling overnight almost weekly and internationally for multiple nights every four to six weeks. I used to make a little joke about, oh, you get used to it, but I loved traveling. I loved leaving my family. I loved coming back to them. But gosh, those nights by yourself in a hotel room are just magic. I have a distinct memory that I can still feel in my body from when my eldest was in kindergarten. I'd flown back early from New Zealand because part two of the board meeting got cancelled. And I went straight from the cab to school. Suited and booted, wheelie suitcase because I was there for a board meeting, full makeup, hair done. And I turned up at school to surprise my daughter because she didn't think I was coming home till later that evening. As I walked in the school gate, the mums in their tracky dacks and yoga gear, which of course they love, but all passed a comment on, oh, here comes Miss Boss Woman, down she comes. And I didn't know them at the time. And they kind of said it in jest, but it really, really hurt because it implied that I was less than, because I wasn't there at pickup every single day. They all knew each other and they were baking cupcakes. And but I had just nailed my morning presentation. And I was riding high on a new promotion. But in that moment, everything that I'd worked for and I thought was really important was completely diminished because here I am, all suited and booted. And it hurt. It really hurt. It also made me fucking angry. I was like, how dare you? How dare you judge me based on what I look like in this moment when other days I can show up in my tracky dax and pretend I blend into you. But actually, I have this whole other life that's completely separate from the one that you could possibly even imagine. That's not a mark of disrespect. It's just honesty. And the reason I've held off sharing this for so long is that I was worried if my kids ever heard me say this, they would think that they're not loved. But I've realized that loving them and loving myself and doing what's best for them and best for me don't have to be mutually exclusive. There's enough love to go around for all of us. And to my own kids, if you ever hear this, if they ever listen to my podcast, the mother you got is a mother who didn't disappear. That's the real, raw, very imperfect me. That's the gift. And I hope the permission you need to be the raw, real, imperfect you, however that shows up in the world. So here's what I want to name. Somewhere along the way, we got handed a script that says if mother doesn't complete you and make you feel wonderful, there's something wrong with you. You're selfish, you're egotistical, chuck in whatever insult you want. Not to mention, I know all the judgment people, women have who chose by choice or otherwise not to be mothers, or who desperately wanted to be a parent and weren't able to for whatever reason. That script is the thing that's been crushing us, not motherhood itself. This script tells us that joy of ta-da, congratulations, you're a mother, is supposed to be enough. It tells you that exhaustion is just the price of love, and that wanting anything more than that makes you ungrateful or broken or selfish. And so we just disappear inside it really politely and slowly, often without complaining, even though I must say I can kick and scream about this. But to admit you want a life of your own on top of being a parent often feels like admitting you're failing at the one thing that was supposed to be enough. Now let's be clear. I have some friends who motherhood is the greatest joy of their life. Their children are all they ever wanted. It's their source of joy. They go to bed thinking about them, they think about them all day. They don't want for anything else. Working, if they work, is a means to an end, they live for their children. That's wonderful. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But society has told us that this is the best type of mother. This is the mother we put on a pedestal. And if you are not that, then there's something wrong with you. There are many other women out there like me, and I know because they're often my clients, we are paying this horrible, quiet internal cost of not being like these mothers that society tells us are the perfect mums. We end up functioning beautifully on the outside. We can hold everything together, we can color code meal plan, but really quietly underneath, we stop existing as anything other than what everyone else needs from us. We completely lose touch with what we want anymore. We don't know what we're allowed to have. We've forgotten what it takes to take up space without actually apologizing it. And it's not because motherhood took it from us, we suddenly became mute. It's because the script told us we're not allowed to want anything else. This should be enough. And if we come out and actually have the courage to say, I love my kids, and they're not enough, we live in fear of being punished for it. Suggests that we don't love our children. So we put our heads down and just seethe on the inside. Meanwhile, I know I for a long time, and many of the women in my circle bury all this ambition, drive, purpose, smarts, or only let it out in small spurts. Like between these hours at work, yes, I'll let my ambition fly, but oh, then I've got to come home with my kids and pretend I like doing bedtime, like pressing the accelerator and then the break all at once and bunny hopping through life is no way to live. So to all the mothers out there, quietly drowning in a script you didn't write and didn't consciously agree to, you are not broken for wanting more than this. You're not a bad mother for also having a self. You don't have to choose. The exhaustion that you're feeling isn't just the price of love. It's the price of carrying a story that was never yours. So this Mother's Day, or any day you happen to be listening to this, put the damn story down. Pick yourself back up and honor how you show up in the world and know that your kids have exactly the mother they need. Thanks for taking this moment for yourself. If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. See you next time.