The Real Reason I Over-Explain Everything (Jo Moment)

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We uncover a hidden pattern that links being understood with being safe, and how that wiring can keep us living in our heads. We talk through the success it can create, the cost it can carry, and a mantra that helps the body catch up with what the mind already knows. 
• noticing the habit of showing only what others can understand 
• growing up in a logic-bound home where feelings have a limit 
• learning to self-edit emotions to avoid being “too much” 
• coping strategies that drive success and also become kryptonite 
• becoming articulate as protection and adding “one more sentence” 
• how overexplaining and overdoing bleed into work and relationships 
• using the podcast as practice for saying the edgy thing anyway 
• holding the mantra that misunderstanding is their filter, not our failure 
come and join me. Eight days, WhatsApp. We start 29th of May. It’s free, and the link is in the show notes. 
If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. 
And don’t forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. 

The Balance & Beyond Podcast Hosted by Jo Stone, founder of The Balance Institute

For women who are already succeeding, but beginning to wonder if they're willing to keep losing themselves in the process.

We know high achievers, because we are one. This podcast draws on Jo's 20 years in global leadership and thousands of hours coaching executives and ambitious women: the patterns she sees, how to untangle them, and what it actually takes to keep your success without paying for it with yourself.

If something landed today, there's more where that came from.

And if you know a woman this would resonate with, send it her way.

🎙️https://www.balanceinstitute.com/podcast
🔗 www.balanceinstitute.com
💼https://au.linkedin.com/in/stonejoanne
📷 @therealjostone

Transcript

Welcome And The Weekly Reset

Jo Stone (Host) 0:04

Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments, your weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and mindset shifts, all in 10 minutes or less. Whether it's a powerful truth, a fresh perspective, or a spark of inspiration, this is your space to pause, reflect, and reset. Let's dive in. A kinesiology session this week uncovered something I've been doing my whole life, but has been hiding in plain sight. I show myself, but only as much as the other person can understand. Sounds a bit crazy, right? I grew up in a household that was very bound by logic and common

A Kinesiology Insight Lands Hard

Jo Stone (Host) 0:45

sense. Feelings weren't really a factor at all. To give you an example, dealing with some of Dad's recent health issues, cancer, strokes. I mentioned to mum and dad while sitting at the kitchen table that they might want to talk to someone about these things called feelings that were coming up. The

Raised On Logic With No Feelings

Jo Stone (Host) 1:04

response was, what would I want to do that for? That's not going to achieve anything. So that gives you an idea of the environment I grew up in. So as a kid, everything I had to do had to make sense. I could be scared of a spider or maybe doing a speech that made sense, but the kicker that I've realized was under there. And again, none of this was intentionally malicious or anything like that. It's just this is what you get, right? As children, you get what your parents have. Is I could only be so scared up to a point. Who knows what that point was? But after that, it was just being silly. Pull your chin up, get over it, move on. That's enough now. The same thing would go for almost all emotions. I remember a cat dying that I was very attached to, and I was allowed to be upset, but only to a point, because then it became I was becoming dramatic. So I developed some brilliant coping strategies that have served me very well. And all of these have been responsible in a large way for my success. And they've also become like kryptonite, nothing like a double-edged sword. I can self-edit like no one's

Self-Editing Becomes A Superpower

Jo Stone (Host) 2:33

business. I can be a chameleon, I can adapt myself to any environment. But early on, I learned that no one can hold all of me. So I can have a little bit of an emotion, but not all of it, because that's past some magical point that that's just too much, or what are you doing, or that doesn't make any sense. I could become someone who could justify and reason with anyone. I still remember my grandmother saying she might become a lawyer one day. I still remember vividly an argument with Auntie Marg. Amy and I were about eight. It's my cousin. She was trying to put us to bed at the same time as my cousin Sarah, who was four. That didn't make any sense to me. So I remember stomping my feet and saying it wasn't fair that we had to go to bed at the same time as her, because that didn't make any sense. So I argued my way to a 30-minute extension, and I was seven or eight, so I didn't really have a choice. I had to take it. But I had the pattern installed that if I was understood, I was safe. If I made sense, it was safe. Is it any wonder that I've spent my entire life in my head? And all this work, somatic work, tapping into my body, has been such a stretch for me. And as you start entering into adult holds, some interesting behavioral patterns come to light with this kind of upbringing. If I can't trust that I'll be understood, well, then I'd better compensate for it. I became

Overexplaining Spreads Into Everything

Jo Stone (Host) 4:14

really articulate, very young. I think because part of that was just my stubbornness. It was a protective mechanism. I would add three more sentences after the thing to make sure that what I said was understood. I would very much present or perform this version of myself that was legible, that made sense, that was able to be received by what I thought was everyone in the room. Because we all know that how we are with our primary careers, we then just take that and translate it into the workplace, into relationships, into friendships. So that need to be understood to feel safe didn't just stay in my conversations. It bled into everything for a really long time. Is I didn't trust that my own output was enough. There was always a margin, a slim, small chance that what I'd just done could be misunderstood, as maybe not enough, as maybe there was a mistake in it. So I'd do more. This podcast is my practice. Even last week, when I shared my thoughts on motherhood on its own not being enough, that felt edgy for me. That felt vulnerable because I was saying something that could be misunderstood. I couldn't guarantee how it was going to land. And I could feel

Sharing Publicly As Real Practice

Jo Stone (Host) 6:26

as I was sending that to my team, saying, here's Saturday's moment. There was a part of me going, oh, can I say that? And that's an edge for me. Because I don't ever really think about what I've said. It's out there, it's done, and I don't marinate on it because I always know that what I've said is safe. Can you see how I've just uncovered another fucking chapter of this journey, another layer of what I signed up for? And so I have a mantra that I unlocked maybe 12 to 18 months ago as I continue to excavate all these layers, that their misunderstanding is not my failure. It's their filter. And my head believes that 100%. My logical makes sense. But I have to continue to do the work to get my body across the line because there

Their Misunderstanding Is Not My Failure

Jo Stone (Host) 7:23

is still such a deeply entrenched part of my nervous system that believes everything around being safe, about being in overdrive or overexplaining yourself, is how you stay safe. Now, if you're running any version of this, the over-explaining, the overdrive, the overdoing, and you will know if you are, come and join me. Eight days, WhatsApp. We start 29th of May. It's free, and the link is in the show notes. I'll see you there. Thanks for taking this moment for yourself. If

Free WhatsApp Invite And Farewell

Jo Stone (Host) 8:00

this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. See you next time.