The Asterisk On Everything You Do For Yourself (Jo Moment)

We realise how often “self-care” comes with an asterisk, where we only do things for ourselves if we can justify them. We challenge ourselves to find what actually makes us feel alive, not just what keeps us functioning. 
• asking what we’ve done this week just for us 
• noticing the qualifiers that turn self-care into damage control 
• spotting guilt, shame, and “insurance policy” habits in our routines 
• sorting habits into draining activities versus nourishing activities 
• recognising when nourishing only brings us back to baseline 
• exploring what “feeling alive” can look like in 30 seconds 
• remembering the version of us outside roles and responsibilities 
If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. 

The Balance & Beyond Podcast Hosted by Jo Stone, founder of The Balance Institute

For women who are already succeeding, but beginning to wonder if they're willing to keep losing themselves in the process.

We know high achievers, because we are one. This podcast draws on Jo's 20 years in global leadership and thousands of hours coaching executives and ambitious women: the patterns she sees, how to untangle them, and what it actually takes to keep your success without paying for it with yourself.

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And if you know a woman this would resonate with, send it her way.

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Transcript

Jo Stone (Host) 0:04

Welcome to Balance and Beyond Moments, your weekly dose of insight, wisdom, and mindset shifts, all in 10 minutes or less. Whether it's a powerful truth, a fresh perspective, or a spark of inspiration, this is your space to pause, reflect, and reset. Let's dive in. I've discovered something very recently that was missing from

Welcome And Quick Reset

Jo Stone (Host) 0:28

my life, and it's a huge part of what makes me feel human. However, it's something that has gradually eroded almost subtly so much that I didn't realize how much I missed it. Chances

The Self Care Deficit

Jo Stone (Host) 0:46

are you're also suffering from the same deficit. So before we go any further, I want to ask you one question. What is something that you've done this week just for you? Not for your kids, not for work, not for your partner, just you. I'm curious. Is that a really easy question to answer for you? Or do you have to sit and think about it? And if you do have something, is there a condition

When Self Care Has An Asterisk

Jo Stone (Host) 1:17

or a rationale as to why you did it? So I had a massage, but it was because I'm super tense. Or I went to the gym, but it's because if I don't, then I'm going to lose my shit at everybody else. That qualifier, the reason at the moment you're doing things so you think for yourself, is what we're talking about today. I've been running a fascinating training series with women in one of my back-end masterminds called the Alliance. And I asked them to write down everything they do that's just for them. Now, as we did this really interesting exercise, we had the full gamut. We had some people that did loads of stuff for themselves, and others who didn't do that much.

The Guilt And Shame Pattern

Jo Stone (Host) 2:06

But so many things they were doing because they had an asterisk next to them. They were done tinged with guilt, or they were laced with shame, or done as an insurance policy. Well, if I don't do blah blah blah, then this thing is going to happen. There was hardly anything on there that was, I do this because it makes me feel alive. That word, feeling alive, is why we exist. And yet, our ability to make the space, make the time, give ourselves permission to actually feel alive and do things for you that fuel your soul has just missing from so many women's lives. And when we think about all the things that you do for yourself, chances are that you are overweight in one of three categories. So there's things we do for ourselves that end up draining us. So we might call it self-care, but we're really just trying to recover from running

Draining Versus Nourishing Habits

Jo Stone (Host) 3:22

ourselves into the ground. There were some women who said, Oh, I'm doing blah blah blah class, but I don't actually enjoy it. Or I'm going out with friends, but all I want to do is sit on the couch and have a good book. So, okay, so you're doing things that in theory are meant to fill your cup. However, because of possibly the state you're in or the circumstances, it's actually draining you. So if you're already depleted and then you're doing exercises that drain you, how do you think that's going to make you feel? A second group of activities or things that we do for ourselves are to nourish us. This is maybe you journal or you meditate, but and these, yes, they're great and you need to pour something back in. But too often the work we're doing to nourish ourselves is just to bring us back to baseline. It's just to allow us to function in the world. So I will take my supplements, but that's because I sleep. I will journal that so that I don't vomit my feelings all over my family. So again, everything has a condition, and sitting under that is the truth that you're often doing things for yourself because they benefit other people. Not just because they make you feel alive, because they make you feel fully you, make you feel awake and not just a functional human being who has to cook dinner and then do A, B, C. So if you think back to anything you've done for yourself in the last week, I wonder how much is actually there that makes you really feel alive. This has been really confronting for some of the women in my circles because they've become so buried under all their obligations and responsibilities and things that make logical sense that there's never felt like there's any space to possibly think about what makes them feel alive. And you also have to be, I use the word up to date. You also need to be somewhat nourished because you can't sit here existing on fumes, collapsing into a puddle, not emotionally regulated, physically exhausted, and go, yay, this thing makes me feel alive. Because you have to at least get back to baseline and ideally a bit topped up. I talk about having this bucket that is full of holes. And yes, we do work to stop the holes in the bucket, but what happens if you actually poured something new in from the top? What could be different in your life if you felt alive? And that doesn't just have to be from jumping out of an aeroplane or going backpacking through Europe. They're very common things that make many of us feel alive.

Patch The Bucket Or Add Joy

Jo Stone (Host) 6:13

But what's something that can make you feel alive in 30 seconds? And if you have that gap in your life, then a really important reminder is there is a version of you that exists outside of what you do for everyone else. A version of you who sits outside the roles, the responsibility, the weight, the list. And that part of you doesn't disappear when you stop feeding it. It just goes quiet. But in time, you may have forgotten that it was ever there if you feel flat, if you feel numb, if you feel disconnected. I wonder what could be possible if you came off mute and suddenly decided that you were going to feel alive again. So today, just pause for a minute and ask yourself, what actually makes me feel alive? Follow that thread, see where it gets you. You won't regret it. Thanks for taking this moment for yourself. If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it today. And don't forget to subscribe to Balance

One Question To Take Away

Jo Stone (Host) 7:26

and Beyond for full episodes and more of these bite sized breakthroughs. See you next time.