What Your Escape Fantasy Is Really Trying to Tell You

Your feed isn’t random. If you’ve been obsessing over chateau renovations, Tuscan villas, eco farms, bookshops, or van life, it might not be wanderlust at all. It might be the clearest signal you’ve had in years that the old model of success no longer fits and that something in you is asking to come back online. 

I talk through why so many high-achieving women in their 40s and 50s are having an “escape fantasy” moment, even when they have the career, the family, the home, and the life they once wanted. We pull apart the classic midlife crisis narrative and name what the quieter, heavier version can look like for women: back-to-back meetings, constant notifications, school logistics, emotional labour, and a creeping numbness that makes you wonder where the fun went. 

Then we get practical and honest about what “France” really represents: lightness, freedom, presence, aliveness, and a life that feels like yours again. Instead of the false binary of blowing it all up or sucking it up, we explore how to use your fantasies as a signpost, uncover what you’re truly longing for, and make space for change that’s real and sustainable. If you’ve been thinking, surely I’m made for more than this, you’ll feel seen here. 

If it lands, subscribe, share it with a woman who needs to hear it, and leave a review so it reaches the people it’s meant for.

The Balance & Beyond Podcast Hosted by Jo Stone, founder of The Balance Institute

For women who are already succeeding, but beginning to wonder if they're willing to keep losing themselves in the process.

We know high achievers, because we are one. This podcast draws on Jo's 20 years in global leadership and thousands of hours coaching executives and ambitious women: the patterns she sees, how to untangle them, and what it actually takes to keep your success without paying for it with yourself.

If something landed today, there's more where that came from.

And if you know a woman this would resonate with, send it her way.

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🔗 www.balanceinstitute.com
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📷 @therealjostone

Transcript

Welcome To Balance And Beyond

Jo Stone (Host) 0:04

Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for women who've outgrown the old model of success. The ones who look fine on the outside but know the way they've been living no longer fits. If you're standing in the space between who you were and who you're becoming, this is for you. I honor the space you've created today. Let's dive in. I have

The Sudden Pull Of France

Jo Stone (Host) 0:27

no idea when this happened, but if you look at my Instagram account right now, you'd probably think I was planning to move to France. Somewhere. Over the last couple of months, I've become completely obsessed with these beautiful chateau renovations, or people doing Sicilian villa glow-ups, people buying wineries in the middle of nowhere. And somehow, a little farm in the middle of nowhere that breeds tiny cows. I mentioned this at a girl's night, and I was flawed because every single woman had her own version. That's when I realized probably isn't about France. So this was just the most amazing revelation to me. How many women are spending significant amounts of their downtime or even little five minutes here and there in their own escape fantasy? I had friends tell me they dream of buying a bookshop, renovating villas or places in Europe, or moving to a complete eco farm, going to the country, opening an antique store. There is this crazily common lure for a simpler life. Let's just be clear, I have no DIY skills. So it's not like I'm sitting here going, oh yes, this is a viable option for me. But something seems to be happening amongst women, particularly in their 40s and 50s, who are now starting to ask, could I just leave? As we see more and more people do these crazy outlandish things, I follow some Australians who have bought of Castle. There's a couple from the US that have done the same thing. So thanks to the barrier breaking, I guess you could say, and the ability of social media to show us these lives that we never even could have imagined compared to even 10 years ago. These women that are having these fantasies are not impulsive women who just burn it all down. They've got very successful lives. They're partners in firms, they are very senior executives, they're highly capable women who have spent decades building this life that they have now: the career, the house, the family, the social life, everything that sits around it, the scaffolding, which is what makes this question or this fantasy of the castle in France or the villa in Tuscany really, really confronting.

Rethinking The Midlife Crisis Story

Jo Stone (Host) 3:22

Many of us have watched Eat Pray Love that came out quite a long time ago now, and there was this whole that's it, something's happened, midlife crisis. I'm gonna pack everything up and I'm gonna go and spend time finding myself. But what I'm loving is that the woman's version is now finally getting some airtime. The midlife crisis, as we have traditionally seen it happen, was very much the old masculine story. I'm going to leave my wife for the hot young secretary. I'm going to buy a Ferrari. I'm going to start playing tennis. I'm going to get my bald spot replaced. And this was very much that stereo, 1980s stereotype, because women were never allowed to do this. It was predominantly a man thing. And that's why books and the movies like Eat Pre Love were very much pushing boundaries of, oh, you mean women have this desire in them too? But what I'm seeing is men can often come in with this sort of just huge blow up your life, blow up your family, and then just sort of waltz off into the sunset with the new whatever they've gone and purchased or found or whatever. But I'm seeing that the female version, at least right now, is a lot quieter. It's also a lot heavier. It's these questions of how did I end up here? How did I end up in this place with a life full of bat-to-bat meetings, drowning in notifications and emails, trying to manage school logistics, carrying everyone and everything, very much having built this life intentionally, wanting it, what she has now is probably on a vision board if she did one 20 years ago. And yet now it's here. She's going, Oh, or what if I don't want this anymore? I had a client I was talking to recently who said, Joe, I've just had a 12-hour day in back-to-back meetings, restructuring the business because growth is hard to come by, firing people, trying to then motivate whoever's left in the carnage and the collateral damage, and go, surely, surely I made for more than this. And so this is why the fantasy, the France, the castle feels so alluring.

Wanting Aliveness Not A Chateau

Jo Stone (Host) 6:08

It's not often about the castle, which can feel really unimaginative, but it's who we see these people become when they take these big bold moves. The sense of freedom, being present, being light again, actually feeling alive is what so many women are chasing. Because in these lives that we've built that are heavy, that are quite numb, that are full of obligation, there is very little aliveness inside. And I've been doing some work in some of my containers with my clients, and it has been remarkable just seeing these women go, oh my gosh, I've spent so long just in survival that I've completely forgotten what feeling alive even is. What makes me alive anymore? Because what made me feel alive as a teenager or someone unincome but in my 20s, that's very different now. Maybe you don't necessarily feel alive dancing at 3 a.m. on a tabletop because you're worried about hurting your broken Achilles and you're worried about the hangover because you've got to be at a sport game at seven o'clock tomorrow morning. So there's this journey that we all have to go on. But if you are spending lots of time or this fantasy is something that is really pulling at you, that really is very revealing of the emotional state that you are longing for. Maybe you want to feel more alive. Maybe you're ready to feel light again. And a common question that women come to me with these days more is Joe, when did life get so serious? Where did all the fun go? Where did it just become a logistical masterpiece of an Excel spreadsheet and who goes where and juggling 25 things at once? What happened to the woman who used to belly laugh until she peed herself? Might be easier said than easier done these days, thanks to beautiful pelvic floors. But whatever happened to her, the woman who gets sore cheeks from smiling so much? And sure, women might be able to access that these days in there once every six months get together with some girlfriends. But is that enough? Is that enough to counteract everything else that you can feel in your life? And the answer is usually no. And so we spend all this time fantasizing about escape. But the

What Your Fantasy Really Reveals

Jo Stone (Host) 9:01

thing is, escaping may be actually easier than you realize. Because the France, the castle, whatever your version of your escape fantasy is. For some people, it's riding around the country in a van. For some people, it's starting a nursery. Whatever your escape is, there is some really, really valuable information in that. And they tell us and really point us towards things that we've stopped listening to. We've got to stop dismissing these as some silly midlife crisis, and I'm going to go have my eat, pray, love moment and leave everyone behind. But for many of us, that isn't practical. And let's face it, it's not necessarily what we want to do. Some of us, as much as we might like a break from our children, don't necessarily want to leave them for 12 months and go find them ourselves and not see or speak to them. There's a deeper question here. There's a deeper insight. If you can pause and find space long enough to actually let it answer. And that is that what if these fantasies, whatever yours are, aren't actually really saying that you want to escape your life? But what if it's about stopping living on autopilot? Finding that lightness again. What if there's a part of you that through the chateau, through the nomad life is actually trying to come back online? So many of us have spent too long living a life that we thought we wanted, but isn't ours anymore. We have to realize that that pull, that lure doesn't go away. It's a signpost. You are trying to come back online. You have deviated too far from who you are. You're living a life that isn't really in alignment anymore with what makes you feel you, with what makes your soul happy, with what lights you up and makes everyone want to be around you.

Beyond The Blow Up Or Suck Up

Jo Stone (Host) 11:24

But we have this binary view. I have to blow it all up or I have to suck it up. I made this ban and I don't really have a choice. But you have other options. You don't have to move to France to pay attention to what France actually represents. You simply need to notice, to give yourself the space because let's face it, it is not going to materialize, and allow what is coming through you, what is what is showing in your feed, give that the space to talk to you. That is telling you what you really want. That is telling you how you really want to feel. It's probably pulling at parts of you, parts of your past, parts of your dreams that you've squashed or diminished because they didn't happen to fit in the construct that you currently find yourself. So I wanna leave you that maybe the real question isn't whether you should move to France. Who am I to stop you? All power to you, just make sure you document it. Maybe that if the chateau isn't really what you're longing for, then what is? And make the space. Just promise me this. Make the space to really allow that part of you that's trying to come back online to emerge. I promise you, you won't regret it.

Share It And Leave A Review

Jo Stone (Host) 13:01

Thanks for joining me today. If this episode resonated, share it with a woman who needs to hear it. And if you want to be part of the Ripple Effect, leaving a review helps it reach the women it's meant for. I'll see you next time.