Ray Younis - Fitness, Connection and Emotional Wellbeing

Ray Younis has spent over thirty years in the fitness industry, and he has watched what really keeps people coming back. It is not the workout. It is the connection. In this episode of Finding Sanctuary, Ray joins Debbie Draybi and Natalie Moujalli to explore how physical activity, community and faith shape our emotional wellbeing. From beating isolation to redefining success, this is a warm, honest conversation about looking after mind, body and soul. Discover why the first step matters most, and how connection anchors a healthy life.

About the Guest:

Ray Younis is a well known professional with a background spanning education, sport, and fitness. He was a schoolteacher and a professional footballer, and he is now the owner and lead trainer at Rush Hour Australia, where he also works in a strength and conditioning role with the Western Sydney Wanderers. He is a father of three and a committed Christian, and he is known for his focus on community engagement and personal development.

Key Takeaways:

• Interconnection of Health: Physical exercise is not merely a function of physical fitness but a conduit for emotional and mental well-being, especially when bolstered by community support.
• Balanced Success: Success should be defined not just by career or financial gains but by achieving a balanced life, prioritizing faith, family, community, and health.
• Approach to Training: While physical training is crucial, it should not overshadow emotional and mental health, suggesting the need for a balanced approach to fitness.
• Community and Connection: Feeling connected and being part of a community is emphasized as a vital part of human well-being, impacting both physical and emotional states.
• Role Modeling: Influencing a community, like Ray Younis has done, can inspire a culture shift towards integrating self-care and fitness in daily life, promoting overall well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• "Connectedness is the anchor point."
• "It's very much an emotional roller coaster."
• "Success is very much a very big umbrella."
• "You either win or you learn."
• "For me, I just want to be the best version of myself that I can."

Resources:

• Rush Hour Australia

You and your mental health is important to us. If this episode brought up any heavy emotions, please know you do not need to carry them alone. Reach out to Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or the counselling service at Hills Sanctuary house at hshl.org.au 

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Transcript

0:00:00 - (Natalie Moujalli): Welcome to another episode of Finding Sanctuary. I have Debbie here today, co hosting with me.

0:00:04 - (Debbie Draybi): Hi, Deb.

0:00:05 - (Ray Younis): Hey, Nut.

0:00:06 - (Natalie Moujalli): And I have Ray Yunus here who has several different titles that I'm going to try and rattle off by heart. So Ray Yunus was a schoolteacher, professional athlete. He's a father of three. He is the fitness trainer and owner of Rush Hour Australia and the strength and conditioning coach for the Western Sydney Wanderers.

0:00:25 - (Ray Younis): And a follower of Christ.

0:00:27 - (Natalie Moujalli): And most importantly, a follower of Christ. Thanks for joining us, Ray.

0:00:30 - (Ray Younis): Thank you for the invitation.

0:00:32 - (Natalie Moujalli): Why we've asked you in mostly is because we want to talk about how physical health and wellbeing impacts our mental health and well being. At Hill Sanctuary House, we focus a lot on the mind, body, soul approach to healing and we can't go past that without looking at exercise and nutrition and how that impacts the way we think and feel, because that's kind of like what we're doing majority of the time.

0:00:59 - (Natalie Moujalli): We talk about therapy and other support systems that we have, which are very important, but we need to look at our lifestyle choices that help us function at our best mentally and emotionally. What have you seen in your line of work that supports that or doesn't?

0:01:15 - (Ray Younis): No, I think it definitely does. I think first I'm honoured to be part of this podcast. I think it's amazing what you guys are doing. I've been listening in a wealth of knowledge, so I look forward to continuing being part of this podcast. I think if you talk about physical health and mental health and emotional health, I think we can add a few layers to that and talk about spiritual health as well.

0:01:35 - (Ray Younis): And I think a combination of those four have a direct impact on how we feel when we talk about physical health. There is scientific evidence, we can always talk about the impact that exercise has from a scientific perspective. Release of endorphins, we sleep better, build muscle, heart functions better, we understand the science components, but there are other aspects to physical health and the undertaking of physical health that can help us emotionally as well.

0:02:04 - (Ray Younis): And I think the feeling of connectedness, working and training in a community based environment, I think that's the one thing that I've seen shift from the fitness industry 20 years ago where the major focus was lose weight, get fit, look great. Historically that was the main driver for people undertaking any type of physical fitness. In the last five or 10 years, I've seen a big shift and the major focus, the major reason why our clients are joining and most people take up exercise is the feeling of connectedness and being part of a community and I think that's really lost. It was actually a surprise to me when we surveyed clients.

0:02:47 - (Ray Younis): I do a little bit of research as well. It's a line of work that I'm in but, but we've lost the community that we grew up in and a lot of our work is isolated. We have this opportunity to now work from home. We have the introduction of AI. Mobile phones never existed and we had iPads and laptops and this all gives us the opportunity to work from home. And as a result of that we become more isolated. And I think with that isolation comes a sense of loneliness.

0:03:17 - (Ray Younis): And so you can kill two birds with one stone and go, I'm going to go and train and look after my physical health and know that I'm also going to have the opportunity to look after my emotional health because feeling connected and feeling valued and feeling heard I think is crucial. And as a result of that, I exercise, I feel connected, I get to sleep better, anxiety levels come down, I feel self valued.

0:03:43 - (Ray Younis): It raises excitement to go and do it again. And you know, having 11 rush hour weddings within our facility doesn't happen by accident. It's because people have that connection and they build that sense of community among each other and I think that's really important.

0:03:58 - (Natalie Moujalli): So what you're saying is as much as the actual physical exercise itself is important, just as important as that is the connection that people are able to form whilst they're exercising and that contributes maybe just as much to their emotional health and wellbeing.

0:04:13 - (Ray Younis): And I actually think that because of the second component, the emotional connection and the social connection, it almost inspires you to go to training again because you don't want to miss out on the banter that happens during a class or the coffee that you have after a class that becomes more important than training itself. I also have people who just go to coffee because they can't make the training session, the child was sick or whatever needed to happen so they'll actually miss out on the training session, but they show up to the coffee afterwards and that's further proof to me that the connection is what they're really thriving for.

0:04:49 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, I think that's incredible what I'm hearing from you. And I know in our pre conversation we talked about a lot of what we've lost in our community. Absolutely. Those connect the natural ways of connecting through bringing people together through our, you know, normal traditions coming together, whether it's church life or family life and family events. And it sounds like you've recreated that and built a fitness community.

0:05:16 - (Debbie Draybi): Where relationships are the priority, you know they are.

0:05:20 - (Ray Younis): And not everybody has the opportunity to I suppose look after their physical health for whatever reason it might be. And regardless of where you live and what you're doing, it's always important to try and do something whether that be go for a walk or whether that be ride a bike or get on a treadmill at home or just something. But when you do it with somebody, yeah it's always easier and in fact there's a 50% increase in success when you do it with somebody. And then when we do it with three or four or five it can only be positive.

0:05:50 - (Ray Younis): And I think that's really crucial for us. And it's a great segue into talking about the whole isolation and what used to happen in our tradition. You know, I remember frequently, almost every weekend after we played football as a family, we all played at different age groups. We'd always be over our grandmother's house straight after and it was a simple meal, sometimes a cheese and tomato sandwich but we'd be in the backyard for hours, go for a walk around the block, kick the ball in the backyard, replicate games of soccer, play hide and seek, play touch, whatever it might be.

0:06:24 - (Ray Younis): But it was four hours of family time and the meal was so simple but it filled up the weekend and it made it really worth it and you felt connected. I just don't know how often that happens now. How often are we getting together as an immediate family or as a community or as a village community getting together and I suppose sharing ideas and sharing experiences and food recipes and what's trending lately.

0:06:50 - (Ray Younis): So I'm not sure Nat, what it was like for you but I still remember you as a really young girl coming over to my grandparents house with mum and dad and there was four you girls, Ms. Sally running around with all of us.

0:07:05 - (Natalie Moujalli): I remember this because your mum, your grandmother used to have the soj.

0:07:10 - (Ray Younis): Correct.

0:07:11 - (Natalie Moujalli): And so we'd get there and she'd be making pizza for everyone and everyone was there for the fun. I was there for the food. I was like this is amazing but we're all from the same village.

0:07:19 - (Debbie Draybi): So this is a little hatchet. This is a hachis gathering everyone.

0:07:22 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, it is.

0:07:23 - (Natalie Moujalli): But I think what you're saying is that yes, I remember my childhood to be full of connection and then as I got into young adulthood and career and family and the rest of it, it did start to dissipate a little bit. I can see it coming back which is very, very beautiful. But I think what you're Saying is that connectedness is a very vital part of wellbeing. Regardless whether it's mental, physical, spiritual, emotional.

0:07:53 - (Natalie Moujalli): Connectedness is the anchor point.

0:07:56 - (Ray Younis): I have no doubt in my mind that any successful and happy person feels connected and what we're encourage everybody to do. Regardless whether it's just exercise or prayer groups, or community groups or voluntary groups. The more you engage yourself in community based activities, the rewards far outweigh being isolated and focusing on less important things in your life that doesn't discriminate between age.

0:08:23 - (Ray Younis): You know, I want to feel like my 4, 5, 6 and 7 year old child or a 13, 14, 15 year old teenager, or me as a 52 year old adult sees the value of being connected with other people and learning things like thinking about others before yourself, putting other people's needs before yourself, sacrificing your selfish time to give to others. There's so many lessons learned being part of a community and sometimes when you pull yourself away from that, there is a natural anxiety to want to go back, but the hesitancy to go, well, I don't know how I'm going to cope.

0:08:57 - (Ray Younis): So I would then just suggest just dip your toe in the water, try something, you know, you're committed there for 15, 20 minutes and get out.

0:09:05 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:09:06 - (Ray Younis): And next time it might be an hour and then you might end up doing something beautiful like this.

0:09:11 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, I think that's a really important point, that it doesn't have to be big straight away, particularly when you've had a period for whatever reason where you are isolated. And we know for a lot of our listeners that does happen and it becomes this perpetuating cycle of further isolation because you, you just start living in your head rather than living in a community and participating in one. So my question to you is around.

0:09:35 - (Debbie Draybi): For those that are stuck taking that first step, what are things that they could start saying to themselves to really push to take that risk? Because it is a risk to put yourself out there and reconnect.

0:09:47 - (Ray Younis): If I go back to exercise, I always say to my clients, the hardest thing to do is to press the stop button on your alarm clock and get up. The easiest thing to do is to press snooze, then press snooze and then press snooze and then miss out on your training session. It's always that first step. And if you don't succeed in the first step, you don't have to wait till the following Monday to start again.

0:10:10 - (Ray Younis): We have the opportunity every single day to make decisions. And if you don't make the right food choice for breakfast. You then have the opportunity to make the right food choice for morning tea and then for lunch and then for afternoon tea and then for dinner and. And then for supper. It doesn't have to be starting again one week later. It can be instant. And for those people who want to reengage, the hardest thing is trying to do it on your own.

0:10:37 - (Ray Younis): So if you can reach out to one person and you can hold hands and do it together, that's something I would encourage somebody that's nonjudgmental, somebody that you have complete confidence in. Just hold the hand, go together. It's always the first step. You just got to take the first step. Knowing that regardless of whether you do it now in two months or five months, you still have to take the first step, so there's no point delaying.

0:11:03 - (Natalie Moujalli): It's like accountability also.

0:11:04 - (Ray Younis): Yeah.

0:11:05 - (Natalie Moujalli): Of course, holding someone's hand also is like your friends texting you, going, where are you? We had a 6:30 class, so you have someone to be accountable to.

0:11:13 - (Ray Younis): Yeah. And it's not just classes now. It's going to church, for example, it's going to work, going to a mahville. Sometimes you get home at 7:30 and the MAHF is in whatever might be in Granville or might be in Burwood and you think, by the time I shower, it's raining outside. Jump in the car. By the time I get there, it's 10 minutes to go. Do I go? Do I not go? Everyone has the same battles.

0:11:37 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:11:38 - (Ray Younis): When you do it with a friend, you go, I'm gonna pick you up then. Now you have half the excuse. Yeah.

0:11:44 - (Debbie Draybi): You know, knowing that someone else is relying on you is probably a good strategy to know that not only are you letting yourself down, you're letting out, you're letting someone else down.

0:11:53 - (Ray Younis): We have, we have a default partnerships at training and people just gravitate towards each other and then sometimes it's like, oh, why didn't you come to training today? Oh, because Debbie wasn't there. I know, but you can still try without Debbie. Yeah, but that just proves to me that the, the connection is far more important than the training itself.

0:12:09 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah, yeah, I think that's an awesome point. I think also we raised something a little bit earlier which wasn't on my radar but should be, is that we were talking about training, helping with mental health. But there's the flip side of that, which is trying to out train your emotions, trying to out train your mental health or your nutrition and overdoing it and how that can, what path that can lead us down?

0:12:37 - (Ray Younis): Yeah.

0:12:38 - (Natalie Moujalli): Can you tell me any experiences you've had or seen with.

0:12:40 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, yeah. I think under training and eating poorly has an obvious negative impact on your health. But on the flip side of that is over training and be too diligent with your food, that can cause a lot of problems as well. I mean, we have obvious examples like things like anorexia and bulimia where 90% of sufferers are female and they tend to be in the teenage age group. And it's so much about body image.

0:13:06 - (Ray Younis): And so they're really strict with their food, they're really conscious about their calories, they understand all their macros. In fact, they know more than me. They spend so much, much time studying their food. So that's one side of, you know, taking your nutrition too seriously. And exercise is the same. I've had frequent contact with people who've trained once, twice, three times a day, four or five days a week, and you see them withering away.

0:13:31 - (Ray Younis): But I can tell you it's more of a psychological and emotional problem than anything else. And when you try and understand it through logic, you cut. You really need to dig deep and understand what the triggers are. You really need to dig deep and understand what the motivation is and what they're trying to hide or what they're trying to mask. So over training can be very dangerous. Being too strict on your food and your nutrition is very dangerous.

0:13:57 - (Ray Younis): And so was the other side. And I think finding the balance between those is always easier when you surround yourself with either like minded people or, or you surround yourself with coaches who are credible and you're very conscious about what you read because sometimes the source of information that you're relying on may be false in the first place. And if you keep, if you keep reading, listening to false information, it becomes believable.

0:14:23 - (Ray Younis): I have multiple examples over the last 32 years that I've been in the fitness industry where it's false information that people use and rely on and as a result it results in a negative

0:14:34 - (Debbie Draybi): impact on their health that over reliance on information rather than people. I think that's a massive trend in our society. Now. I know from my own kids, you know, I've been a psychologist for over 20 years. My kids are experts on psychology from what they've read and they school me about it all the time. And I'm like, lucky for me I have you to tell me how to do my job. But it's this challenge that we're experiencing of information rich but Experience poor.

0:15:04 - (Debbie Draybi): And how do we find that balance? When you're stuck in this world of information overload and it's very, very attractive and you want to stick to it because they are experts, they know things that I don't know about my discipline that I've trained in and they know more than me. They have information overload because they research it.

0:15:22 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. But I don't think it's that they know more. I think it's that they know different. Does that make sense? Like there's always in every field, in everything that we do, there's going to be new information.

0:15:33 - (Ray Younis): Yeah.

0:15:33 - (Natalie Moujalli): The new doesn't replace the old information. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it actually cancels it out, but other times it just adds. Adds to. Right. So like we have to have an open mind and be teachable because that's really important. But we need to also hold onto the fact that what we've learned in wisdom and character formation is also important.

0:15:57 - (Ray Younis): I think if I was to use a member of my family, my, my major source of income is a strength and conditioning coach. So my job is to look after elite athletes. So we look after their fitness and we look after their strength. They'll look after their loadings, their recovery. But I've got a member of my family who decided to write their own gym program and follow their own off season program. And I don't know whether it's because they've been exposed to it for so many years with me, but I remember my wife saying to him, have you asked your father and have you shown him this?

0:16:27 - (Ray Younis): I said, no, I know what he's doing.

0:16:29 - (Natalie Moujalli): I don't need SAR stuff.

0:16:30 - (Debbie Draybi): What would he know? What would he know?

0:16:33 - (Ray Younis): Who Ask him for advice because his father knows what he's doing, so he must know what he's doing. So I can really relate to you.

0:16:40 - (Debbie Draybi): Oh, that's good. I'm not by myself.

0:16:42 - (Ray Younis): No, no, you're not by yourself.

0:16:43 - (Natalie Moujalli): So this is leading us to raise soccer playing children and your influence that you've had with them and the level of success that they've been able to achieve. But we were talking about success as an overall arching banner. Right. And not just like, not everything you see is what you get. So can you tell us a little bit more about that, like your experience with the kids and you know, how that's sitting with you and how you're enjoying it.

0:17:09 - (Ray Younis): Yeah. I don't know if the word enjoying is the correct word.

0:17:11 - (Debbie Draybi): Sorry.

0:17:12 - (Ray Younis): I definitely think it's an emotional roller coaster, but I think anyone that's involved in elite sport or is aspiring to become an elite athlete. There is definite a misconception between what you see on TV and reality. There is a lot of sacrifice. There's a lot of tough and challenging times. There's a lot of moments where children and parents experience emotional roller coasters because of what happened during the day, during the week.

0:17:42 - (Ray Younis): Now, very rarely in our household does my daughter's team win, my middle son's team win, my eldest son team win, and my team wins. So there's always somebody that's upset, there's always somebody that played well, there's always somebody that didn't do so well. And the big one is the injuries. You know, we talk about being an elite sport. Well, if you're injured, then, you know, that's a massive challenge in itself, especially if you think that your only value is your performance on the field.

0:18:10 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah, that would have to be a psychological battle. Like if you're injured and you can't do what you love to do or what you're even being paid to do, how do you reconcile that emotionally and mentally?

0:18:22 - (Ray Younis): Yeah. So the one thing that my wife Sharon's really good at is she reminds their children about the importance of not riding the highs too high and the low's too low. And I think that's a really good piece of advice for all parents who have children that want to aspire. Whether it's sport or education or a job, you can't get carried away. One week's a long time in elite sport. You know, one week you could be, you know, all over the news, and the following week you're not part of the team, and the week after that you're injured and you're back in there again.

0:18:49 - (Ray Younis): So it's very much an emotional roller coaster. So I think for us, what we try remind our children is, you know, the most important thing is faith first and then family second, and then and friends, and then football. And then at the end, there might be some finance, you know, because ultimately it's a job for them. And they can't rely on their mother and their father to pay all their bills. So at some point in their life, they need to become independent.

0:19:13 - (Ray Younis): So everything that we do is always about that. First faith first and then family second, and then there's friends, and then, you know, then there's football, and then we worry about the finances later.

0:19:21 - (Natalie Moujalli): All F words.

0:19:22 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, they are all F words.

0:19:24 - (Natalie Moujalli): Good ones.

0:19:24 - (Ray Younis): You know, they're far out as well.

0:19:26 - (Natalie Moujalli): But I like to hear that finances comes quite a few sections later, because for most people, success, we tie that to financial success. And we know that that's not the case really, when it comes to the pursuit of joy and happiness. So what's your understanding of success?

0:19:46 - (Ray Younis): I think success is very much a very big umbrella. And I think there are a number of pillars that fall under the word success. Are we talking about success at school and in your UAI or in your degree? Are we talking about success in your career? Is it success in a relationship? Is it success in picking up a musical instrument and learning how to play it? Is that success? Or are we defining success by the number of zeros you have in your bank account?

0:20:15 - (Ray Younis): And sometimes I think we might be swayed one way or the other, depending on your upbringing, depending on your social environment, depending on your community, what you see, what you read, what you allow yourself to take in. But there's definitely multiple pillars to success. And then it's also relative. If a young child reaches their full potential and is only able to ever play in the state competition, that's something for me, is very successful.

0:20:43 - (Ray Younis): If a player plays at the national level and never really applies themselves, then for me, they're not really that successful because they haven't realized their full potential. So success is not just being in a pillar, but it's also relative to the blessings that God's given you. And if he's given you a talent and you choose not to apply that talent to the best of your ability, I'm not sure how successful that is.

0:21:04 - (Ray Younis): But, you know, we sort of touched on how some communities place additional emphasis on their financial success being the pillar of their life success. But in essence, I remember reading something that said, I would rather die with a million people at my funeral and $1 in the bank than one person at my funeral and a million dollars in the bank. And I remember reading that 30 years ago, and that stuck to me because we're all chasing some type of financial freedom, but at what sacrifice and at what point, you know.

0:21:37 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, I think that's a massive one in our community, Ray and I know we've talked about it a little bit before around, you know, at what point and at what cost are we chasing the dollar? Particularly when, you know, we've come from the villages, our parents are from the same village. They've come from absolute poverty and achieved a lot of very rapidly in one generation. They worked really, really hard to better themselves and to break the cycle of poverty.

0:22:04 - (Debbie Draybi): But it's like we've now perpetuated a cycle of success and wealth that has trapped us more than previously. And I see that the joy that they had with nothing is being lost. And now that we have everything, there's been so many layers that have been stripped away because of that success in such a rapid time.

0:22:26 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, we spoke about balance earlier, and this sort of also ties into getting the balance right between work, life, financial freedom, family life, faith life, friends life, fitness life. There's the Fs again. So getting that balance right, I think is really important. And I don't know the words exactly, but it's something like, you know, tough times create tough people.

0:22:48 - (Debbie Draybi): That's right.

0:22:48 - (Ray Younis): You know, and tough people create good times, and good times create weak people, and weak people create tough times. And the cycle starts again. And I may not have recited that word for word, but the concept is, you know, if you've brought up an environment, you've really had to work for everything. One, you appreciate everything that you've got. But then if you grow up in an environment where everything's handed to you, are you as a parent really disabling your children?

0:23:14 - (Ray Younis): Are you giving them everything that they need, whenever they need it? Is that disabling or is that loving?

0:23:19 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. We had Will and Buddy in one of our previous sessions talking about, like, doing an episode for the teens and talking about how there's this concept of being under formed and that the parents, including myself, we coddle, we coddle too much and we don't allow them to make the mistakes or fall. And I asked like, is there a way to fall safely? Because, you know, as a parent, it's hard to watch your child fall.

0:23:44 - (Natalie Moujalli): But you're right in that, you know, we need to cultivate the resilience. The resilience used to just be as a product of life before, like, people had to survive, they had to build that resilience. Now it's like we have to teach the resilience. It's not something that just comes to you anymore.

0:24:03 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, look, being 30 years in competitive environment, most people won't like what I'm about to say. But I'm not sure who brought out the participation ribbon.

0:24:12 - (Natalie Moujalli): Oh, God, here we go.

0:24:13 - (Ray Younis): Because for me, you need to reward success. And if success is a ribbon, and that's the reward, well done, because I worked harder than you. But I think if you're not rewarded by a ribbon, there's also intrinsic rewards. There is a feeling of satisfaction that, wow, I trained and I did well and actually completed this race. I actually played in this team. So you may not have had a trophy Or a ribbon or a certificate.

0:24:41 - (Ray Younis): But the reward should be more internal. It should be an intrinsic type of reward that we feel. So if we as parents focus on the intrinsic reward more so than the end result, I think we're more likely to build more resilient children who know that, wow, I didn't come first and I'm not going to get a ribbon. But I'm so proud of myself that I sacrifice three days a week for the last seven months for this race.

0:25:06 - (Ray Younis): And even though I didn't receive a ribbon, I'm really proud of myself because that takes discipline. It takes sacrifice. And those discipline and sacrifice you apply in sport, you also need in relationships, you also need in business, you also need in education, you also need in your faith. So those tools can cover a whole plethora of different components in your life.

0:25:32 - (Natalie Moujalli): And also the ability to fail and fail well, like, and pick up and go again, start again, you know? Okay, I didn't win that one. I did try really hard. I was disciplined. I just didn't make it over the line for this one. It's okay.

0:25:47 - (Ray Younis): Yeah. So I talk to the kids about, you either win or you learn. You don't win and lose. You either win or you're learning something. What did I not do well today? Was it me? Was it my sleep? Was it my hydration? Was it my preparation? Was my mindset not where it needed to be? Did I stay out longer than what I should have? Did my teammate let me down? Or am I just making that as an excuse? So I think every time you don't win at a sport or you don't come first, there's a learning opportunity.

0:26:14 - (Ray Younis): And business is the same. If you failed in business, you don't do the same thing again, expect a different result. It's always learning. And I think as parents, it's a lot easier to give your children what they want whenever they want it. It takes energy to discipline them and say no. And I hope this generation of parents understands that loving your children is not about giving them what they want when they want it, because love is about discipline.

0:26:42 - (Ray Younis): It's about teaching them what's right from wrong. Not getting what you want when you

0:26:47 - (Natalie Moujalli): want it, but loving them through that. So it's about, you're right, being firm and disciplined, but also being loving. Because the firm and the discipline by itself is not our ideal outcome. And the love and all the yeses by itself is not our ideal outcome. We need both together.

0:27:04 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, I'm definitely not talking about smacking the children. Discipline I'm talking about saying, no, you can't.

0:27:10 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. Yeah.

0:27:10 - (Ray Younis): And you need to do this in order for you to get to this.

0:27:13 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:27:13 - (Ray Younis): There needs to be clearly defined guidelines about rewards for things that you want.

0:27:18 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:27:18 - (Ray Younis): I remember my first car was an $800 eh Holden that I bought from Penrith with an engine in the backseat of the car. And I was doing my HSC at the time, and I thought, once I finished my HSC, I'm gonna work on this car. It was an $800 car. It was red. It was back in 1992. 93. When? The year after that and 10 years after that and the 10 years after that. I'm just seeing how children's first cars have changed and each to their own. I'm not here to judge anybody in everything.

0:27:45 - (Ray Younis): But what's the next step for the child? Where do they go? Do they start here? And what's the next step? A safe car is a great car. If it's safe, it's great. But the car doesn't have to do 280km an hour when a P plate, it can only travel 80 and 90. So, you know, that's just a simple example of how sometimes we just need to say no to the child and get them to wait, because that's a skill in itself.

0:28:08 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah, the waiting.

0:28:09 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:28:09 - (Ray Younis): You know, sometimes it's difficult. How do you. Trying to find staff, young staff, that want to work at a cafe is exceptionally difficult. Or stock shelves in a grocery store is very difficult because everybody wants to become a manager and a supervisor as their first job. So what does that tell us about how they're being brought up? Whether at school, in society, what they see as parents?

0:28:33 - (Debbie Draybi): Ray, just as you're talking, you know, this is the first time we meet. I obviously know who you are. You're very successful. You've got a reputation and a wonderful, beautiful commitment to the community, particularly the fitness community. What's kept you so grounded? Cause what I'm hearing from you is that you haven't done that. That hasn't come easy. Maybe it looks easy for an outsider, but you've taken the hard road every time, and you're still doing that with your kids. It's easier, as you said, to say yes, but you don't. You maintain that discipline.

0:29:06 - (Debbie Draybi): What keeps you grounded in all that success and the life and all that, all that you've achieved?

0:29:12 - (Ray Younis): Look, I don't know whether, you know, when you talk about success, for me, I think seeing the positive impact I've had on most people's lives. I think that's a motivating factor. It hasn't always been successful stories. There are moments there where you haven't done the right thing by someone or something or situation. But in my mind, I feel when I think about my father, God rest his soul, he died with no enemies.

0:29:42 - (Ray Younis): And I thought to myself, that is the most beautiful achievement I think you could ever achieve. Now I won't have that same luxury because I'm sure I've upset a lot of people in my life, but he was a very easy to please man. And there's so many lessons to be learnt about someone who was just so happy to be next to his wife, to visit his brothers and sisters, but keep discipline. In my household, discipline back then was a bit different to the discipline now.

0:30:13 - (Ray Younis): So when you talk about my motivation, I think I just wanted to be the best version of myself that I could. Knowing that God dwelling, if I was blessed with children, I wanted them to have a role model that they can go, wow, I want to be something like that. Sharon trains consistently Most of the time,

0:30:31 - (Natalie Moujalli): you're the best shark.

0:30:32 - (Debbie Draybi): That's not what your body said.

0:30:33 - (Ray Younis): But anyway, I try and be consistent with my training as well. So for us, we grew up in an environment where my children saw exercise as being normal. And, you know, it was very hard in a family environment where you gave your children water to drink and their cousins had soft drink to drink. And this was a time where we weren't overly health conscious as a community and we became health conscious in the last two decades.

0:30:59 - (Ray Younis): So I just, I knew when I, when I started Rush hour back in 2006, 2007, there really wasn't many people in our community exercising.

0:31:07 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:31:08 - (Ray Younis): And I thought, what a wonderful opportunity to try and turn our culture around. And people have come and people have gone and people have moved on and that's all I can. And people have gotten married and gotten married.

0:31:19 - (Debbie Draybi): Who needs dating apps when you have Rush Hour?

0:31:22 - (Ray Younis): But I think that the thing that I'm really excited about is when I see that there's a lesson that I taught and then I see that their children are now doing the same thing. When I see a client of mine who now has valued their own health and fitness and they're instilling in their children, for me, that's a wonderful thing as well. And I didn't do it on my own. There was plenty of coaches along the way, plenty of staff along the way.

0:31:46 - (Ray Younis): There was plenty of clients along the way that encouraged others to attend because I was Too hard on them. But I think to answer your question most simply, I just want to be the best version of myself that I can. Knowing that if God gave me a capacity to do something, I want to reach it to the best of my ability and try and help others do the same.

0:32:07 - (Debbie Draybi): You know, I think that's really beautiful. You transformed a community and you've created a legacy here. You know, we've come from early days where our parents really tried to survive and build and settle in a new place that's foreign to them. And then you as the next generation have built a community and broken not just the cycle of poverty but also introduced self care which is very foreign to us. We weren't raised to look after ourselves, we were raised to look after each other. We're a collective culture.

0:32:39 - (Debbie Draybi): So being able to do that and combine the two, we have the strengths of being able to connect and be community and come into community. But combining that with ideas about how to better look after yourself and introduce exercise, which is something so foreign to us. I never saw my parents exercise. My dad stayed fit because it was a concrete own. He was on the pumps all day and managing, you know, form work and so he was a super fit man. But my mum was cooking and eating so there was just. No, you never saw that modelled in the family life.

0:33:11 - (Ray Younis): I've had the gym for 20 years. I think my mum's walked in there once or twice.

0:33:14 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah. This is nice, right?

0:33:16 - (Ray Younis): Yeah. She's walked in once or twice, get a massage because she had a sore shoulder. It wasn't to exercise. But I think you're right. I think we grew up in an environment where it was about survival. Yeah. And it was about simplicity and it was survival and it was coming together as a family. We needed to work together as a community to get ahead. We helped each other cook, we helped each other clean, we helped each other build homes.

0:33:37 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:33:37 - (Ray Younis): And we don't. Not everybody has that financial pressure that they used to have. We live in a wonderful country that even without a job they pay us.

0:33:46 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:33:46 - (Ray Younis): Even without a home they'll provide us with some housing so we don't have that desperation.

0:33:51 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, that's right.

0:33:52 - (Ray Younis): And as a result of that, I feel like some of those simple things in life have been washed away. Nothing would make me happier. And if I had to choose between going to a five star restaurant or going to my siblings home for a barbecue, I would choose that any day of the week. And I love that my children would choose to do that too.

0:34:08 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. Even a cheese and tomato toastie.

0:34:10 - (Ray Younis): I'd have a cheese and tomato toastie after the barbecue.

0:34:12 - (Debbie Draybi): Ray will have after the barbecue. Ray, I've got so many more questions, but one of the things I'm curious about is you talked about your physical health and, you know, your discipline around that and the work that you've done. I'm wondering for yourself, how do you integrate that in terms of how you look after your mental health as well? What are some of the things that. Strategies and tips that you have?

0:34:33 - (Ray Younis): That's an easy answer for me because if I don't train, my whole family know about it.

0:34:38 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:34:38 - (Ray Younis): And everyone that I work with knows. You didn't train today, did you? So I keep myself as physically healthy as I can because for me, it gives me. It makes me feel good. And prayer does that as well. You know, I think morning and night and church on the weekend, I think. But that keeps me grounded, knowing that everything is in God's hands and I shouldn't be worrying about things. But I think to simply answer your question, I train.

0:35:04 - (Ray Younis): In order for me to train, I've got to eat well so that I train well. And my faith, they're the two things for me. And the informal one is, you know, hang out with your friends, you talk about things.

0:35:14 - (Natalie Moujalli): I was just gonna ask you that. Do you talk, do you have people you can open up to that you can get things off your chest with?

0:35:21 - (Ray Younis): Yeah, there are some friends that you would never dare bring up a conversation because you know that that's their level of emotional well being. And there are friends that you know you can say anything to and they'll give you very honest feedback and they can empathize. They have the emotional intelligence to give you some feedback and then others may not. You're there just for the laugh. So I think you'd be very selective about who you talk to.

0:35:47 - (Ray Younis): But always having someone there is super important.

0:35:51 - (Debbie Draybi): All right, this has been a wonderful conversation. I think you've really modelled the power of that interconnectedness of the physical, the emotional, the spiritual and the social and how they all interconnected and how they're all reliant on other each. So thank you so much for your beautiful examples. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability and sharing a little bit about your family and your world. It's been honestly an absolute pleasure and we've learned so much from you.

0:36:17 - (Ray Younis): So I look forward to seeing you guys again and I appreciate the wonderful work that you guys are doing and for the invitation. I think it's wonderful to see another component of our community reach out to. You know, mental health is a big thing.

0:36:29 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, absolutely.

0:36:30 - (Ray Younis): You know, and emotional wellbeing is a big thing, and I feel like it's only on the way up, so I think you guys are doing a wonderful job.