Not-So Kind Regards

Debunking Mainstream Mindset Advice: What Really Works for Growth

• Maddy Birdcage & Caroline Moss • Season 5 • Episode 6

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Today we’re diving into the world of mainstream mindset advice to separate the fluff from the facts. From toxic positivity to manifestation myths, we explore how nuanced and personal the journey to a strong mindset is. Whether you're just starting to rewire your thought patterns or a seasoned entrepreneur navigating the complexities of goal-setting, this episode is packed with real talk and actionable insights. 

Episode Highlights 

  1. Toxic Positivity Harms: Suppressing emotions leads to hidden stress and burnout. 
  2. Manifestation Needs Action: Belief alone isn’t enough—take intentional steps. 
  3. Flexible Routines Win: Build a schedule that works for your life. 
  4. Money Mindset Matters: Align spending with goals, not impulsive decisions. 
  5. Authenticity First: Success starts with living your true life strategy. 

 

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Speaker 1:

that's where I feel like all the bros that get on podcasts and say manifestation's bullshit, that's what they're talking about. They're talking about people that are just like oh no, I'm gonna make a million dollars next year, I can feel it, and yet they don't have a job or they don't have a business or they're not doing anything. They're just like it's. It's coming to me. Definitely.

Speaker 2:

I actually wrote that down as the next step, because I'm the one who writes notes, because I'm a nerd.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Not so Kind Regards podcast. I'm Maddie Birdcage and I'm Caroline Moss.

Speaker 1:

We are done with the digital fluff and pleasantries, and we're here to talk straight about brand building, digital marketing and personal growth. Birdcage School Black Friday sale is running now from Black Friday until Cyber Monday, and we are giving you a full $1,000 Australian dollars off when you join us during Black Friday Cyber Monday weekend and you pay in full. Remember, this is already heavily discounted from our monthly payment plans, so you are going to save big, and what a perfect time, just in time to make 2025 your best year yet.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to another episode of Not so Kind Regards.

Speaker 1:

Hey, maddie how you doing today. Hey, caroline, I'm doing well. How are you Good?

Speaker 2:

you've just come back from a lot of traveling, hey.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I worked out out of the 75. In the 75 days, I've spent 26 of them asleep in my own bed at home. Oh my gosh, that's horrible. Yeah, I mean, sydney was really terrible. Italy, france, munich it was awful. Luxury accommodations in New Zealand on behalf of client shooting, going to Melbourne with you and Max because it was all just, it was awful hint of sarcasm absolutely, and I feel like it's such.

Speaker 1:

I put a TikTok up last night talking about no one told me how difficult work travel was and I literally posted and I'm like I sound like such a spoiled brat because it's literally everything that I have wanted. I wanted to travel for work and you got what you wanted, maddie, and now you can't stop whinging about it, but I'm sure you're happy to be home. I am very happy to be home, which is unusual because I usually like to again whinge about my small town that I live in. But I really appreciate the space that we have flying in over the Whitsunday coast and the blue rivers that we have flying in over the Whitsunday coast and the blue rivers that we have here Incredible, like the turquoise waters.

Speaker 1:

I know it's becoming offensively hot and all the things in the water that want to kill you is it was. You know what was so nice being in New Zealand walking through the bushes, knowing that I wasn't going to die from deadly snakes or spiders. It's. It's like such a learned Australian thing that you automatically are like always on edge and I just kind of stopped thinking about it.

Speaker 1:

and it was nice, new Zealand's so weird that they just like everything's friendly there pretty much Like I kept crashing the drone into these bushes and we could just walk through this long grass and barefoot and you were safe. So crazy.

Speaker 2:

I've been to New Zealand. But yeah, this because even in America we've got deadly snakes, so you're always thinking about it. Okay, to the podcast episode today. So this is a really fun topic and I feel like, maddie, you're really going to be in your element with this one. I'm excited to dive into this. We are deb debunking mainstream mindset advice. There is a lot of BS out there. There is a lot of good stuff out there, there is. So how, if you are in the beginning of your mindset journey, how do you identify what's BS and what's good stuff? Or should we just dive into the debunking so you can start to understand what's bs I think what you need to come back to.

Speaker 1:

When I first started my law of attraction manifestation spiritual journey, I found it really hard to go straight into the pure spiritual stuff, but I think that was actually a really good thing, because I started a lot with reading psychology books and understanding like books, like personality isn't permanent. That that was had a profound effect on me, this idea that you can actually change who you are by how you think. I guess the biggest thing with manifestation that I really want to challenge people on is this idea that you, you feel like everything, you have to be happy all the time, otherwise you're going to attract bad vibes into your life. That is so not. That is not how you manifest.

Speaker 1:

You don't manifest from your conscious state. Our conscious state is the things that we actively make decisions about every day, and I think it's only like six percent of the actions we take in a day are actually consciously done. The rest is driven by your subconscious mind, and so that would therefore very clearly show that if you've only got four or 6% to work with in your conscious state, which is think positive thoughts, think positive thoughts, but 94% of it is out of your subconscious state, why wouldn't you be using your subconscious in order to manifest? That is where, that is how we create our realities. It's actually through the thoughts that we don't even realize that we are thinking.

Speaker 2:

Let's talk about that toxic positivity. That was one of the first things I thought of as well, and it's this mindset of you know, it's taking the law of attraction to the extreme and going oh, you're only going to attract positive things in your life if you only think positively. And there's like an element to that where it's don't focus all of your energy on negativity, because you will attract negative things back into your life. Where your energy goes, where your focus goes, energy flows. But why is toxic positivity damaging? Like? I have my thoughts on this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Speaker 1:

I think it's damaging because it's actually like we're humans, right? We're supposed to experience the whole spectrum of human emotion. And if you are in denial, if you are good at practicing detachment like I am I just had a big family tragedy happen overnight and I just came to work the next day and I'm recording podcast episodes like nothing happened. But you know what, sometimes that's not a bad thing to be detached from things, to be able to detach yourself, because it's a coping mechanism. But to do that every single day, to do that all of the time, and to never think negative thoughts because you're scared of what will happen, that is negative in and of itself. That's not being in touch with your true self.

Speaker 2:

That's like, yeah, and that's what I thought is you're suppressing and that's going. Where does that go? That goes into the subconscious and that's still staring around. It's still coming up in your dreams, still coming up in your gut health issues or snapping at your friends or family, because you're not actually dealing and feeling the emotions. You're just trying to pretend like they're not even there and push them down.

Speaker 1:

Which is worse than feeling sad and admitting that you feel sad. One thing that I do, because I was taught as a kid that you're not like don't cry type thing and I think a lot of us probably were. We had to be good kids and don't cry and don't make a fuss. But one thing that I do now, when I do feel sad, I let myself feel sad and I give myself a 15 minute pity party where I just I wallow, I lie in bed, I rot and I'm like, oh, this is so shit, why is this happening to me? Why is the Wi-Fi broken? Everything bad happens to me and then I go okay, that's enough, we're done now and we take ourselves out of it. And we, because that's not helping anyone, that's not helping anything.

Speaker 1:

But I've still allowed this emotion to process through me so it doesn't get stuck, as you said they. I don't know it's a what. I'm not a medical doctor and people probably come for me by saying this, but I'm sure cancer comes as a result of stuck emotions, like I'm sure of it. I. I'm sure there are diseases. I'm sure I got type one diabetes because of stored emotion that wasn't processing. There's no other explanation. You know I'm talking about cancer, that like how someone gets lung cancer when they're 40 years old and a runner, you know, and they don't smoke, they think anyway. That's probably very controversial, but classic Maddie.

Speaker 2:

No, but I am someone who suffered from pretty debilitating IBS for about 10 years and then I worked with a nutritionist who's also into like manifestation and stress management and understanding like cortisol levels. And then I also did a gut directed hypnotherapy app and it taught me all about the brain to gut axis and how your guts like your second brain and it's always in like fight or flight mode. That's why, for some reason, people with IBS it's like oh, you're stressed, like this is a fight or flight reaction. Let's go to the bathroom instead of let's run. Yeah, make you lighter for running away from the lions.

Speaker 1:

I actually I read that somewhere where IBS isn't actually like a condition, it's like a group of undiagnosable symptoms that's actually a trauma response.

Speaker 2:

Yeah yeah it is, and it's years of suppressed emotions and emotional bypassing and self-medicating with things that you're not supposed to be self-medicating with. I hope my husband's listening to this. I hope actually so many people have gut issues. If you ever want to talk about gut stuff, send me a DM, because it's not just one thing. It's a bunch of things that you can work on and it's not all food related. A lot of it is mental health related.

Speaker 1:

Do you know what's so funny? Actually, now that I think about it, I actually like, when we're away in New Zealand with a whole bunch of people, I was the only one that like didn't get bloated, didn't like have toilet issues, any of that kind of stuff, and it's like I wonder if it's just because my mental health is really good right now. Yeah, 100% could be Like I just don't get bloated, I don't have gut issues. I have obviously pancreas failing issues and thyroid and a lot of other issues, but gut issues is something I do not have.

Speaker 2:

At least your body is not like we're going to throw this extra thing at you. So yeah, so toxic positivity. It's damaging because you're not feeling those emotions, You're not dealing with them. If there's stuff going on in your family or in your business and you're just suppressing it instead of acknowledging that, that has the potential to really blow up in your face.

Speaker 1:

And often, if you are feeling sad about something, take it as a sign oh, I need to fix this part of my life. I need to. If I don't like my job, maybe it's time to go look for another job. Or or have conversations with the powers that be that can help you like your job and like what you do. Or, you know, if you're not happy at home, have the conversations I need to fix. Whatever this dynamic is, because, yeah, and I guess, like if you think about it in that way, of course your life is going to start getting better, to start to feel better.

Speaker 2:

And then I also want to come at it from this angle of toxic positivity like everything's going to work out, like my launch is going to go great, I'm going to make a million dollars, I'm going to do this, nothing ever is going to go wrong. And then, of course, stuff goes wrong. So I always think and something I was ashamed of for a long time was being an anxious person or being kind of a cynic and coming up with the what ifs. But now I realize like, oh, that's a part, that's a good part of my brain that's trying to be safe. You don't need to give it all of your energy, but you need to go. Okay. What if? Okay, I'll handle it this way. What if I know I can handle this because I've gone through it before? So that's a really important piece to to not go like everything's just going to work out and then, when it doesn't, you crumble. Everything is not going to work out, but I'm still going to get to my goals because I know that I can figure this out.

Speaker 1:

And I don't know if this is another point that we're meant to talk about, but it's this idea of this toxic positivity that lends into this idea of inaction. And if I just believe that this thing's going to happen, it will happen and I don't actually have to do anything about it, and I really hate that. That's where I feel like all the bros that get on podcasts and say manifestation's bullshit. That's what they're talking about. They're talking about people that are just like oh no, I'm going to make a million dollars next year, I can feel it, and yet they don't have a job or they don't have a business or they're not doing anything. They're just like it's coming to me.

Speaker 2:

Definitely. I actually wrote that down as the next step, because I'm the one who writes notes, because I'm a nerd. But the manifestation trap is what we call this. Where it's, you know, having the belief and acting like you're going to get it, but then not taking the aligned action to get there. So I'd love to talk a bit about our life strategies that we teach in the mindset and birdcage school, because that's your roadmap to taking the aligned action, isn't it?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so there's a few things. So, with the life strategy, slash the vision board, whatever you want to call it. I actually hate calling it a vision board because people I think it gives people the wrong idea. But I created this process for myself out of needing more from my vision boards, from my visuals. So what I basically did, I would brainstorm, first of all, my life values, what's actually authentically valuable and important to me, which is still evolving and I'm still peeling away what true authenticity is for me. Stay tuned, because in the new year, I really want to focus in on authenticity, so that training will be coming. Then it's listing all the things that I want, and I mean like relationships. I want work, achievements, money things, material things, travel things, all, just all of the things that I want. And then I figure out what do I authentically want and what or what is something that you know my mom wanted for me. So I thought I wanted it and you really have to try and break down what do you want or what have you just been told to want. But then we have these next steps, where you really we help you identify what are the action steps you need to take in order to get the thing that you want. And then what beliefs do you need to have in order to have that thing? Let me give you an example. Let's just say you know I'm in the middle of purchasing the dream yacht. Like that process has been long coming and it's still slowly, slowly moving right On my vision board.

Speaker 1:

I wrote I want this type of yacht, right. So what does the person who has that yacht they have got their finances. They figured out what their budget is, how much they can afford to do. Or, if you can't afford to do it now, how much do you need to earn? Or what loans do you need? You have to speak to a loan broker. You actually have to go and have a look at the boat, even if you're not in. I know this might be wasting people's time, but it's like with real estate just because you're not in the market to buy a million dollar house right now, still go off to a million dollar house inspection.

Speaker 1:

If that's something that you want, because you have to start the process, you have to start taking the action right. It's like with your social media. If you want 100,000 followers on your TikTok, you don't have them yet. What does that person do they post to their TikTok three times a day. So you better start posting to your TikTok three times a day.

Speaker 1:

But then there's that third step, which is the what beliefs do I need to have in order to have this thing?

Speaker 1:

So what version of what beliefs does that version of me have? The person that has the yacht, the person that has the followers what beliefs do they have? So the yacht version of me, for example, believes that I deserve to spend that kind of a money, that kind of money, on a boat. That version of me believes that buying a boat is actually not a bad financial decision for someone like my husband and I, where he's actually a commercial master and one of the world's best top water fishermen. Right, it's actually an asset for us. But if you were to look at Rich Dad, poor Dad which I love that book and that mindset, a boat is actually a huge liability for most other people, but for us it actually becomes an asset. And it's the same with posting on your TikTok. It's like what do I need to believe? I need to believe that I have valuable content, that I have a special message to share with the world, that it's safe for me to be seen All of these things.

Speaker 2:

You have to believe all of those things and if you don't believe them, better start working on them and that's the subconscious piece, because I had a coaching call with one of our students recently and she's going through the whole mindset piece and she finds it so valuable and she's loving it. She's almost 40. She's ex military, like. She's just a really cool person who this is all like. This is a new world to her, like for the past five or 10 years. It's new, but she's like how do you start training the subconscious? And that's what you're saying right there. It's like it's your belief system. If you don't believe it and not just like, oh, I'm going to write some affirmations, it's you need to do the hypnosis, you need to do the meditation and then you to figure out is are all the actions I'm taking throughout the day reaffirming that belief or going against it?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I said a long time ago to Jess and she said this is something that's always stuck with her every decision you make in a day is either a vote towards or a vote against who you're trying to become. So the first step is figure out who you actually are trying to. Atomic habits yeah, oh really is that what that is?

Speaker 2:

yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I actually couldn't read that book.

Speaker 2:

I really struggled with it. I didn't read it. I've just listened to a bunch of his podcast interviews, so like I basically read it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, I think it's been so recycled in all of like all of the social media that you probably have read it. Yeah, to a point. But it's like you know I don't know if I should admit this on the podcast that I've been having the odd cigarette. Do you think I should? Totally up to you, ready, I'm going to, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be authentic and transparent. So since I've been in Europe, I've been smoking a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Cigarettes are not unhealthy in Europe, apparently. Now I of course want to stop or at least cut down to the very occasional cigarette, and I have the choice. Every time, like I go to light up a cigarette, I have the choice Do I want to be the person that's smoking or do I not want to be a person that smokes or the person that only smokes on a very rare occasion? I believe everything in moderation is okay Maybe not heroin, but generally other things are okay and so it's like every time that you'd like that, that I think smoking is a really good one, because it's very, oh, it's a very like, tangible example.

Speaker 1:

When you light that cigarette, you're either taking it and you have that, you're taking a vote towards being someone who was unhealthy and who puts bad things into their body or you're, by not doing it, you're taking vote towards someone who is unhealthy and who puts bad things into their body, or you're, by not doing it, you're taking vote towards someone who looks after their body and looks after their health. And it's the same with food. It's the same with what we consume on the internet. It's the same with what we do in our businesses, where you don't always see it is often with boundaries. So if you let someone treat you a particular way, that's your choosing. To let people treat you a bad way, like if someone is, like if someone yells at you, for example, in the workplace, and you let that happen and you don't take any actions afterwards to stop that from happening again or lay down a line, a boundary, you're letting that. You're letting yourself be someone who gets yelled at in the workplace.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, boundaries are all about other people aren't necessarily going to respect your boundaries, but if you respect your own boundaries, then there has to be consequences and repercussions. So if you're going to speak to me that way, then I'm going to leave this workplace or I'm going to make a complaint towards you or things like that. It doesn't have to be a reactive. I'm setting a boundary and I'm going to yell back at you Probably better.

Speaker 1:

If you don't really. You can't rationalize with emotional people. So yeah, but everything is absolutely a choice is what I believe.

Speaker 2:

Since having my baby I wanted to exercise more and I would say, compared to the average person, I already exercise quite a bit Like I teach Pilates, I go walking every day, things like that. But I pre baby and someone who worked out like every single day strength training like that is. My essence is being like a little workout person. And so I've just started doing because something you said was like the three needles that move your business and you do those before you start the day because I was like I'm disciplined enough to work out at 9pm. It's not discipline, but when you get to the end of the day, after looking after a two year old and working and doing all the things, it's not about discipline anymore, it's about my body actually just needs to fucking rest.

Speaker 2:

So I've started working out in the morning too and all of a sudden I feel like this new kind of person is being unlocked in me. It's like, oh my gosh, I have like more energy and like excitement for the day and all these things and I was like I'm not a workout person. I was telling my morning workout person. I've been telling myself this a bunch, but I just had to find a way to do it so that it worked with my lifestyle. I can't wake up at 5am and work out. I will be wrecked. But I can do it at 7.30am and start work at eight a half hour later, because my boss lets me do that. Yeah, she's a fucking.

Speaker 1:

She's brilliant, isn't she?

Speaker 2:

So this all comes back to manifesting. So do we need to do a little manifesting 101 episode sometime, do you think?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think we probably will need to do one because the way I was introduced it was probably like you, and what you said is that I needed to hear it from the evidence base and the science base and like the neuroplasticity way. So like your brain is always wiring new neural pathways, so you have the potential to rewire your brain. That's what people are talking about all the time. Another myth that's very popular in mainstream mindset like go hard bro. Entrepreneur world is like having the perfect routine or the perfect morning routine. So I know you're someone who's kind of has a good morning routine. Do you think it needs to be perfect to win the day?

Speaker 1:

I like mine to be, but it's funny that you literally just mentioned having getting up in the morning. Well, going for your walk in the morning and how that sets you up for a great day. I always say I'm my best self if I get up at 4.44 in the morning. So I am my best self when I get up at 4.44 because, first of all, angel numbers. Actually, I'm my best self when I get up at 4.14, if I'm quite honest, because that gives me an hour and a half on the treadmill With my treadmill desk that I've created.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I do work stuff, but it's never like deadline. I have to catch up on it's passion, project work stuff. Where it's deep work, stuff that I really like, I lose my sense of time. Or I love to Pinterest, I love going on Pinterest, or, yeah, that's pretty much all I do. But I also have Pilates reformer at home and my sauna, and I've tried to like do them in the morning as well. I find that they're both more great evening wind down type activities and I would love to journal in the morning. I don't know. I feel like if I did all of these things, I would probably be the best version of me If I journaled, if I saw on it, if I did some stretching, if I did movement, if I did gratitude, all that kind of stuff, you had a five hour morning routine.

Speaker 2:

I mean, yeah, my entire day.

Speaker 1:

I do think it sets you up to be a better person.

Speaker 2:

I do think it does, but do you feel like there's some non-negotiables, versus like having a perfect routine and you have to do ice bath, you have to do journaling, you have to do this, this and this?

Speaker 1:

I think what it is. It's like that army man that yelled everyone on social media a while back to make you bed. It's one of those things where it's like you start your day doing the things that you don't always like to do, but that are good for you, that are taking action. One thing I do want to debunk about this whole thing, though, is that while I was on my epic traveling scenario for the last two and a half months, where I was barely at home and I was exhausted all the time, I didn't do any morning routine stuff.

Speaker 1:

Now, in the past, I would have beat myself up about that and been like well, there's no, you know no wonder I'm feeling crap, or no wonder I didn't sell a thing today, or no wonder you know all that kind of stuff. You can't get so obsessed with your morning routine that it then becomes an excuse for you to feel shit. It's like give yourself grace If I wasn't getting up at 4am. I needed to sleep as much as I could in order to just live, and there's seasons for it, and I feel like now I'm home again, the season is going to be getting up early, and it's summertime again, and it's easier to get up early and doing all those things. I do think, though, if you haven't tried a morning routine and maybe once you're out of like the woods of having young children and being sleep deprived in general give it a go, because it does.

Speaker 2:

It is quite transformational and what I would add to that is like it's okay if you're also not a morning person. Find a routine that works for you. So I've, I've like taught fitness classes in the morning. I've tried to be a morning person so much and I do a week of it and I am wrecked. It doesn't matter if I'm going to bed at 9pm every night. I'm just not. It's not the way my body works. So it's finding If you're an entrepreneur, you get to set your schedule.

Speaker 2:

I know you wake up with that anxiety of like I've got so much I've got to do today. I've got so much I've got to do today. I've got this meeting, I've got that. But it's like you're going to show up better if you start an hour later but you do those things that fill your cup versus just getting straight into work, Like you said, like just going straight on deadline driven things. You need to do the passion projects. You need to, and what I tell my coaching clients a lot is if marketing keeps going to the end of your list, then you need to do it the first thing in the morning. Yeah, like you have to make time for it. So what you're saying is is build a routine that works for you. Identify the things that fill your cup, but don't be rigid about it. Make sure you give yourself grace.

Speaker 1:

That's the debunking part especially if you've got like kids that sleep in your bed, like I do. You don't always get a great night's sleep and sometimes you just need to sleep in.

Speaker 2:

So it's being intuitive to know what you need on that day. Do I need a little bit more discipline or do I need a little more grace? Yeah, we talked about that before too. Yeah, okay. And then the last one I wanted to talk about is money mindset, because there's so much toxic advice out there. That's just like if you, you know, take the big action, take the big risk, the money will come, and I don't completely agree with that. You're definitely someone who likes to take risk more, and I'm more risk adverse, for sure, and so we're going to have different opinions on that, but I think we both agree that you need to decide what's your like? Rainy day, what do they call it? And to be magnetic, it's like the FU fund.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I've got friends that are like I need to have at least this much money in the bank or like I'm broke and I'm like I'm used to living in minus money. Like that was my life. Like when I was younger I was constantly in debt, not just good debt, like I'm now constantly in a lot of like good debt, investment and and doing like having financial strategies. There's a difference between that and then the old debt I used to be in, which was like credit card debt because I just was not earning enough and I mean we didn't even have an extravagant lifestyle. It's just the fact we took on too big a mortgage when we were younger which ended up paying off in the long run.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, it was, it was a tough time. But I also look at that and I think we had $200 at the end of each month to pay for groceries, fuel, medical, any discretionary spending $200 between the two of us when we bought our house in Sydney. If it wasn't for that and the fact we were maxed out credit cards every month, constantly six grand in debt all the time if it wasn't for that, it wouldn't have pushed Jack to go and get a casual job on the tugs that paid good money, and if it wasn't for that we wouldn't have then moved to Mackay, and if it wasn't because of that I couldn't have afforded to quit an employed job to go out on my own. I couldn't have done that in Sydney, you know. So it's all of these things. It's like, yeah, it was really bad financial decision at the time, but and then we ended up selling that house for a huge, huge profit during COVID. And it's like sometimes the bad decisions lead to good ones.

Speaker 2:

So do you think this is a myth that we need to debunk about, like spending like you're a millionaire, even if you're not a millionaire?

Speaker 1:

What the advice I've heard is what is your um, what is your patterning? So if you're the type like I, I very much pulled it back. Mom would disagree, but I believe I have. My mother manages all the business and my personal finances. So if you're the type of person that when you're having a bad day you go out and you buy yourself something to make yourself feel better and you overspend to make yourself feel better because it's an impulsive decision all my ADHD is out there then spending more money on things probably isn't the most magnetic thing you can do. But if you are like my dear friend Caroline here, who I'm assuming is an expert budgeter who doesn't ever want to overspend on anything, who probably could pay three times her mortgage repayments and doesn't buy herself anything new, even if she, like, needs you know, a new outfit for a work trip or something, but refuses to spend herself and probably is in the same undies that she's been wearing for the last five years- is the only one on the team who has a samsung phone.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, save money yep, but it's like, if you're like caroline and it's like you're saying no to yourself about like there's another podcast we listened to where she was saying, oh no, I can't afford that kind of home, purely because she wanted to have so much fat in her budget at the end of the month. But she found her dream home and then she actually could afford the home and she just had to. The most magnetic and aligned thing that she could do was actually push herself that little bit further 100%.

Speaker 2:

That's something I'm trying to identify all the time. Now I haven't told you, but we're gonna put a pool into the house, yeah. So that's like a huge decision, yeah, and that feels very scary for me and my body. But we're like this is a, even if it's because my brain's like is this a good financial decision? But we keep coming back to this is a lifestyle investment for us and our young family and we want to be here for a long time and we're going to create so many memories from that. So it's like a lifestyle investment it is.

Speaker 1:

I mean, it's the same with, like, the whole boat thing. This is why I'm like I've been grappling with it a little bit, because on one hand, it's like my patterning is to um, overcommit myself and to buy shit I don't need right, but in this instance, it actually it does feel like an aligned decision because, I mean, we're in a different situation to a lot of other people who just buy a boat because they want a boat. This is literally my husband's career. He's also one of the world's best top water fishermen who has the opportunity to connect with a lot of people through owning a boat in of this kind. That's why we want to buy this specific brand. It's like it's like when you buy a Ferrari the cheapest Ferrari available with your best friends, just so you can get in the Ferrari clubs where there's, like you know, people to meet, like that's. I see it as like a networking tool and you're thinking about all the cool content you can create. Well, that's right. This is something that I've really had to look at my my patterning of.

Speaker 2:

I tend to leap into these things, but we've been looking at this like two years now, so it's like I don't think it is that situation, maybe a little bit but it's like if you find the perfect dress for an event and then you like put it on hold and you're like I'm going to go sleep on it, and the next day you still like it, versus like, oh no, it was ugly. I was just in the in the feelings. It's like you've slept on it for two years.

Speaker 1:

What my dad says because he's the same with me about spending money and his love language is is gifts, like giving gifts. And he said, maddie, if you get that giddy, excited feeling when you're about to pay for something, walk away. Oh, oh. And he's like and if you still have it 24 hours later, like if you still want it 24 hours later, because sometimes just the like the actor like oh, my god, I'm gonna buy this thing.

Speaker 2:

Put on the card, and then you walk away and you're like ah but I guess, yeah, sometimes I'm on the the other spectrum, where it's like you have like buyer's remorse before you even pay for something and so you need to decide if it's this is an investment into my future and the person I want to be, or is this not actually a self-soothing activity? I think that's great advice. I like how this was like a debunking mainstream mindset advice, but it's actually Maddie was like well, actually, yeah, I know. No, I think it works because it shows that there's nuances to all of this and that was the whole point of debunking it. It's like it's not straightforward, it's not rigid. You need to see that there's nuances to it and, yeah, figure out your life strategy and how it works within your life, specifically to be authentic to yourself, not somebody else's dream A hundred percent.

Speaker 1:

That's the thing. That's why a life strategy is so important, because it's like what do you? I always think of the, you know, the notebook. What do you want? What do you want? I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, figure it out. Awesome, I think this was a really helpful episode.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thanks, caroline. Thank you for joining me. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Not so Kind Regards podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. If you did, we would really appreciate if you left a review, on whatever streaming platform you are using. It helps us to grow as a brand new podcast and to help many more business owners and content creators reach their goals, just like we hope this brought you one step closer to your member. Connect with us on TikTok, at Maddie Birdcage and at Birdcage Marketing and the same handles on Instagram again, and if you really want to learn how to work with us, make sure you head to our website and book a call. We would love to speak with you.