93. Optimism Right Now

"No country can ever truly flourish if it stifles the potential of its woman and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens." - Michelle Obama 

This episode is all about optimism and how to maintain an optimistic outlook and a feeling of hope, no matter what's happening around you. 

Transcript

No country can ever truly flourish if it stifles the potential of its woman and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens. This quote from Michelle Obama starts us off today, and we are talking about optimism and how to maintain an optimistic outlook and a feeling of hope, no matter what's happening around you. 

Welcome to the Modern Creative Woman, where we are delving into the power of creativity using neuro-aesthetics, art therapy and innovative thinking. I'm Dr. Amy Backos, your hostess and creativity expert, bringing you three decades of expertise as a licensed psychologist and a board certified art therapist. There is no fluff. These are not just theories. These are the results of research and clinical practice, as well as the creativity that we all have in our lives. 

I'll be sharing simple tricks, practical exercises, and our goal is to demystify the creative process for women and make it accessible to you in your everyday life. Let's get into this. Let's get this started. Are you an optimist? Optimism in the field of psychology is a particular mental attitude that influences how people think the future might turn out in technical terms, it's a cognitive construct, and it's linked to motivation and coping strategies in everyday conversation. Hopefulness and confidence about the future is how we would define optimism. We might be optimistic about successful outcome of a task or undertaking, and it goes along with the idea of hope and hopefulness, which is really essential when things are difficult on the outside. We have to trust ourselves and trust that things will turn out the way we like. It's also about having cheerfulness, positive attitude. In philosophy, it's a doctrine set forth by Leibniz, and in that philosophy it focuses on that. We're living in the best of all possible worlds, and the belief that good will ultimately prevail over evil in the universe. You can find similar descriptions in various religions and spiritual practices, and being able to look towards the future in a positive way is incredibly important. It's also reassuring. Optimism requires quite a bit of creativity. It allows us to imagine the thing we want and take steps towards it. Now someone who's optimistic has, you know, a positive outlook. They're actively using coping skills. And by that I mean that they are working on goals. And they're also working to minimize stressors in their life. Another characteristic is persistence. They keep trying even when things feel especially difficult and they have healthy behaviors. They're able to stay active, be socially connected. They take care of their mind and their body. Now there's well documented research about the benefits of optimism, a better well-being, an overall feeling of things are okay. Optimists really experience this higher level of subjective well-being, and that just means they don't feel so bad under difficult circumstances. This one's very interesting. People who practice optimism have better health. Why is that? It's because optimists are more likely to take these really proactive steps to protect their health, take care of their bodies, see the doctor, the dentist on a regular basis. Having an optimistic attitude also leads to better relationships. They tend to see the relationships in a different way, and they tend to fare better in complex relationships or when things are not going well. An optimist is able to keep their image of that relationship and keep moving towards it. And you might be surprised to know that there are studies showing that people who are optimists or who report happiness are earning more money. And it might be that optimists are more persistent in educational efforts. They are able to think positively about the future, and therefore they take action, which leads to higher income. Now, developing optimism is a skill. You don't have to be an optimist right now to practice the skill and become an optimist. And the research shows a series of steps that we can take. And I'll tell you a little bit more about them later on. But for the most part, it includes positive self-talk and affirmations. If you have yet to listen to the bonus episode of the Modern Creative Woman podcast that dropped on Valentine's Day, go back and have a listen to that. It's a way to start adding in positive language and beliefs. Another way that you can increase your optimism is to make positive statements about what you expect to happen. So instead of saying terrible things are going to happen, you could say, I think we're going to be prepared. You can also focus on believing that there are aspects of your life that are under your control, and figuring out what those are and taking action on them. That promotes optimism. One other way that you could try this week is to attribute your successes to factors that are in your control, and you can look outside of you for failures. And I'm not talking about manipulating the truth, but I'm talking about being able, as a woman, to own your contribution to success. To own your contribution to what you've accomplished. And it's so often that women will say, oh, it was the circumstance, or I was just lucky I didn't deserve that. And an optimist will say, yeah, I contributed to that project. I made that happen. When you think about being a woman who has a positive outlook on things, what do you imagine? Can you picture yourself being that way? And I think a lot of us struggle with optimism. We fear that we might jinx ourselves, or maybe that we'll turn into Pollyanna and be in denial about the realities of life. And when I begin to work on my own happiness, I wondered if I would become unbalanced. But I was already unbalanced in thinking a little bit more pessimistically. So in actuality, you encouraging yourself to have a mindset that promotes optimism is really about helping yourself be balanced and grounded. And this kind of optimism where you can see the big picture is healthy and empowering. I want to share with you seven steps to practicing Optimism. And these are the nitty gritty, very practical ways that you can engage in optimism to balance out whatever fears and negativity are going through your mind these days. Acknowledging what is happening in any given situation is the first step. It includes making an honest and non-judgmental assessment to ground ourselves in reality of what's going on. But once we acknowledge the situation, we have to move rather quickly into the second step. And that's shifting our focus from the problems into potential solutions. It requires that we're taking really like this proactive stance and infusing optimism into our thoughts. We're not ignoring the problems we're adding in mind. Start with like a little garnish on the side of optimism. And being solution focused has a way of coming true. The third step is maintaining that positive outlook. No, it requires celebrating, and you might be celebrating things that are completely unrelated to your stressor. But getting in the habit of celebrating even little bitty wins encourages your brain to look for more and more optimistic opportunities. And we don't want to celebrate these small wins without with with ignorance or sort of seeming naive. We want to celebrate our achievements, the things that we've done. If you finish a big project, take yourself out for a cup of coffee. Now, you might already go out for coffee, but you can say, ah, this cup of coffee is to celebrate having completed my big project. You can do something smaller. You finish your vacuuming, make yourself a cup of tea and sit down for a few minutes. And acknowledge I'm celebrating. I finished my chores and this will train your mind to keep looking for optimism. Remember, we need optimism so that we can remain solution focused and not just wallow in anxiety and worry. The fourth step is to practice your overall gratitudes on the positive aspects of your life right now. And it does not matter what your circumstance is, there are things that you can be grateful for. You can download the 21 day Gratitude journal and have a really clear sense of how to practice gratitude. There is an abundance of research that's been going on for decades and decades, all about what gratitude does for us. It's good for our mind. It's good for our health, our relationships, and our life satisfaction. The fifth one is using positive language. If you find yourself complaining or gossiping or repeating the news to your friends or family, Just switch the language to positive language. You can say something positive about a friend. You can focus on what's going well. Doesn't mean you're ignoring what's happening. But you can take Mr. Rogers advice and remember to look for and acknowledge the helpers that are out there supporting us. Number six is about building resilience, and it's necessary that we have strength to carry on and move forward. And that really is about self care so that we're getting enough sleep. We're taking time to make art go out with our friends, do things we love. That resilience is necessary for the long haul. And finally, avoid all or nothing thinking. Any time we think we have to do it all, we have to do it all right now, where the sky is falling. And we must solve the problem immediately. We're engaging in this all or nothing thinking. We want to work towards small steps where we can be proactive in our home, our communities. We don't have to change the world, just our world, our inner experience. And then that leads to transformation on the outside. Remember with optimism, it's a thought process that's reality based. It creates a balanced image of what's happening in the world. When you look at both a struggle and what's going well, if you only focus on struggles and pain, you're not seeing the whole picture. Most of us need to pepper in a little optimism. I don't know anybody who needs to pepper in any more pessimism in their life. That optimistic thinking lets us see the whole picture, instead of just focusing on those negative thoughts that our brain naturally just wants to go towards. Let's take a few moments and look at the biological process of thinking, and how you can work with your thoughts and relate to your thoughts in a way that allows you to start adding in a little more optimism and getting a more balanced perspective on how you view things. Thoughts are merely a biological process. And you've heard me say that here before. Thoughts are strictly a biological experience. Your heart beats. Your brain thinks. Brain activity is simply the movement that's happening in any given moment. And ideally our response focuses on acknowledging and accepting thoughts without getting caught up in the content of them and without trying to control them or alter them or escape them in some way. Our goal is to observe our thoughts as they arise and as they float away. With over 40 years of research on the idea of thinking as a biological process. There's been some more recent research in behavior analysis and clinical psychology that's really all about the importance of a language process. I'm talking about language processes and having to do with controlling negative cognition and emotion, as well as our commitment to living the life that we think is important. There's some interesting research by Hayes, especially in 2008, that's been focusing on acceptance and commitment therapy and the implications for preventing negative cognitions. So the research shows that our efforts to control our thoughts and feelings or anything that's like an unwanted experience is associated with psychological and behavioral challenges. So the mere act of trying to get away from our uncomfortable thoughts makes us feel worse. We end up spending a large amount of psychic energy. That's the psychological energy it takes to experience our thoughts and turn them into action. We spend a lot of that energy trying to deal with our thoughts, and we're just adding so much struggle on top of our painful thoughts. The problems that arise when we try to avoid our thinking is worry, anxiety, depression. We can increase our self-critical thoughts, our judgments, our feelings of inferiority. Now, behaviorally, if we're spending a lot of time trying to avoid negative, unwanted thoughts, we end up not taking action. We take an extremely long time to finish a project or we don't finish at all. We end up dreaming, but not doing. We end up avoiding things that we really do want to do. And it can also lead to addictive behaviors like technology, shopping, food, substances, etc. the research shows that we can reduce our psychological and behavioral problems by looking to our values. That is what's most important to us and how we want to behave in these areas of our life, such as friendship or parenting, romance. Work, education. Values are what you think is important in any of those areas. And when we take steps to reduce our avoidance, where we we give up the idea that we can control or escape from our thoughts and feelings. And we add that in with pursuing our values and what's important, we feel better. Our behaviors and our actions start getting in alignment with what we think is important, and we just feel better. So in dealing with our thoughts, it's essential that we stop avoiding or denying or struggling with our inner emotions. Our experiences are what make us human. Those thoughts and feelings, bodily sensations. And when we can accept those for what they are, just thoughts, not facts, vibrations in our body, then we can deal with them in a reality based way. Instead of struggling with spending all of that energy on managing our thoughts and feelings. And we can use that energy for what we want to do with our lives. Instead, it requires accepting these deeper feelings are often just appropriate responses to certain situations. When there are stressful things in the environment, it's appropriate to feel upset. We're not trying to stop that from happening. However, if you're feeling despondent, if you're having thoughts of hopelessness that can exist while you still take action towards what's important to you, let me repeat that. I want to make sure you have it. You can have uncomfortable thoughts, very difficult feelings, and at the same time you can still make movement towards what's important to you. You can be frightened and still take action. Creativity plays an essential role in moving towards our values, especially when we're feeling upset or despondent because of what's happening on the outside world. We can feel pretty crummy on the inside, and that's an appropriate reaction when things are distressing in the world. Creativity offers you the tools to build your resilience, increase your optimism, go towards solution focused thinking and a balanced perspective. When you think about your values, you begin to recognize that you can act on them, move towards them, no matter what's happening on the outside. That feeling upset doesn't mean we have to stop engaging in our life and moving towards what's important and valuable. I want to encourage you to check in with yourself. Make art. Do some writing. Meditation is essential these days, and then check in on your neighbors. And remember, doing your best is doing what you can do without compromising yourself, without exhausting yourself, giving as much as you can without sacrificing your mental or physical or financial health is what we're going for. That's what your best is when you go too far and try and give too much or do too much, that's not your best anymore. It's taxing to you as well as not giving what What it is that you truly want to give or the value that you want to provide. Take really excellent care of yourself this week, and then reach out and check in on your friends and neighbors. Make some art. You could drop a card off to your neighbor, send a letter to your representatives. Participate in whatever way that you can. Have a wonderful rest of your week. Now that you know about how to use your creativity, what will you create? Want more? Subscribe to the Modern Creative Woman digital magazine. It's absolutely free and it comes out once a month. And I know you can get a lot out of the podcast and the digital magazine. Yet when you're ready to take it to the next level, I want you to know you have options inside the membership. And if you're interested in a private consultation, please feel free to book a call with me. Even if you just have some questions, go ahead and book a call. My contact is in the show notes and you can always message me on Instagram. Do come find me in the Modern Creative Woman on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest at Doctor Amy Backus. If you like what you're hearing on the Modern Creative Woman podcast, I want to give you the scoop on how you can support the podcast. You can be an ambassador and share the podcast link with three of your friends. You can be a community supporter by leaving a five star review. If you think it's worth the five stars, and you can become a Gold Star supporter for as little as $3 a month. All those links are in the show notes. Remember to grab your free copy of the 21 Day Gratitude Challenge. The link is in the show notes and you can find it at. Com. Have a wonderful week and I cannot wait to talk with you in the next episode. We have some bloopers today. No country can ever truly flourish if it's stifled stifles.