110. Honor Your Foundations

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." This quote by Audre Lorde starts us off today. 

We're talking all about the philosophical foundations that support our lives, and today is all about your personal foundations, upon which you rest your values, and you take actions in support of living your audacious, creative, and authentic life. 

Transcript

 When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. This quote by Audre Lorde starts us off today. We're talking all about the philosophical foundations that support our lives, and today is all about your personal foundations, upon which you rest your values, and you take actions in support of living your audacious, creative, and authentic life.

 So let's get into this. Let's get this started. What are your guiding principles? How have you been driven by what's most important to you? And sometimes this is only evident when you take a look back and start to understand your life's path, the choices you've made. And we end up creating a story that's based on our principles of what's important. Sometimes we make choices because what's most important in the moment is to be safe, to feel cared for. Other times, we make choices in the moment that guide us in a direction of what we can offer to others. Sometimes we are making choices to simply avoid feeling discomfort. And I want to say that the evidence is abundantly clear that what gives us satisfaction and happiness is not moving towards just a a way to get away from something uncomfortable or chasing something to fill a void. To not be frightened and not be alone. The research suggests, over and over and over that when we pursue our values and we take action towards what's most important to us, we feel satisfied and happy, and we live in our purpose. Today, I'm going to share the three principles that really inform my work in the modern creative woman. But they also come from the principles of acceptance and commitment and what is most important to me. And I'll kind of fill in some of the blanks for you, and you can start to see where these three pillars or principles can apply to your life as well. The first pillar that we focus on inside the modern creative woman is presence. It's making contact with the present. It's having present moment awareness. And then there's a second part to it that's about you as the context for your life. So let me explain. Presence is your ability to make contact with the present moment separate from your thoughts and your feelings about it. And it means observing what's happening outside of you, as well as observing what's happening inside you in the present moment. Those inner private experiences of thoughts, memories which are a certain kind of thought, feelings, bodily sensations, those are important for our awareness. Shanahan, the philosopher and monk, comes from Vietnam. He practices and taught Buddhism as a way to move towards peace. His work about presence orients us in the direction of being willing to accept what happens in our emotional state, that it's not something we have to fear or run away from, that it is something to understand and be curious about. And then when we are calm, we can make decisions. We don't have to act on or discharge our emotions. So that idea of responding in the present means making that full body contact to the present moment without struggling against it, without judging ourselves, and without trying to escape it. Presence definitely shows up for me in my daily journal practice. I think maybe since age 12 I've kept a journal most of my life. It shows up in my artwork. I can't think of anything better than a little bit of painting to make full contact with the present moment. Something that I love is that the present moment is always there for us. We can always step into it, that we return to it over and over again. We can celebrate our return to it. There's no need to judge ourselves when we lose contact with the present moment. And I know when I am in the present moment responding to what is. I feel so much better than when I have an expectation of what I think it should be, and I'm responding to a wish in my head instead of to reality. The second part of presence is being able to see ourselves as the context for our lives. And since maybe age 18 or so, I really loved reading books that are focused on metaphors. So of course, Zen stories are a big part of that. Science fiction fantasy, things that represent something else have had a really powerful impact on me. Of course, art is a metaphor. It represents something internal about the artist self as context comes from acceptance and commitment therapy. And it's really about seeing yourself as the context for your life. It means you're the anchor. Whatever happens inside of you, those thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and whatever happens outside of you, the people, places, circumstances. All of that is separate from your experience as a human being. You can think of this context as your spirit, yourself, your core, your essence, your inner knowing, your inner wise person. In other words, you as a context. It means viewing yourself as the person experiencing your life. Here's some metaphors that might fit for you. You're the journal on which your story is written. You're the book. You're not the story. You're the you're the book. You're able to truthfully see yourself as the person who's experiencing these things. Another metaphor I really like is that you're the canvas and you know, you're creating a painting on it, but you're the canvas, you're the container for it. You're the sky, and the clouds are the experiences and the emotions. The sky is always there, whether or not you can see it. Being able to tap into that core spirit is an important part of making contact with the present moment, and also of just feeling better about ourselves. Your presence includes. I think getting out of your mind is a huge part of that. I'll talk about that in a minute. But getting into your life, it's making contact with what's happening. Seeing yourself as the context of your life and your experience gives you the power to see your internal presence really can be whatever you want it to be. The second aspect that is a core pillar is around mindset, and it's your relationship to your thoughts. And it also includes the idea of acceptance. So let's start with acceptance. That's your ability to see things truly for what they are. When you're in a state of acceptance, you understand that your thoughts are just thoughts and you can relate to them as the biological process that they are. So instead of perceiving your thoughts as true, or finding that what you think is true, you begin to understand that there's a fact somewhere in the world and you have a thought about it. Having a thought does not a fact make. Acceptance is a core concept in changing your self-talk. It's a huge part of the work that we do inside the membership, where it's about the beliefs about yourself. For example, if you have a negative thought about yourself that I'm not good enough story, this is a thought. If you're thinking and ruminating on it, you can find piles of evidence to support any thought. But again, a thought is just a thought there. There isn't like a good enough that exists. The I'm not good enough story is based on non reality. There is not a good enough. You can't get there. Acceptance really helps us be better in relationships by not taking things so personally. If someone says something to us, we can allow it to be what it is. It's its words. And acceptance means that we're able to deal with what was said instead of distorting it into something that's, you know, a negative, personal thing that comes from our past. We can deal with what they said. Instead of piling on all this other stuff in our personal history with it. It doesn't mean we don't do that, right. We are existing in this context. It means that we're able to perceive accurately what's happening on the outside, and the inside means we heard what they said, and we have an emotional reaction to it on the inside, and we can observe both of those as happening simultaneously. It's a really powerful place to be when you can observe what's going on. This one change in your life, acceptance of what's happening doesn't mean you want it, doesn't mean you like what they said, doesn't mean you agree, doesn't mean you're not going to argue with it. It means that you're able to address what's happening with contact in the moment. Another really important part of mindset is relationship to your thoughts. So when we are able to change our relationship to our thoughts, it has this incredible outcome and it frees us from negative self-talk and from low self-esteem. You can transform behaviors for health recovery happiness because you're able to relate to your thoughts as just thoughts. Thoughts come from our brain. They don't come from your essence, your core self, yourself as contacts from your spirit. They're merely merely a product of our brains. Remember, our heart beats, our brain thinks. And this was one of those foundational pieces that helped me so much. I've been in academia. I've done a lot of studying. So language is very important to my work. I do lots and lots of thinking. And when I learned the tools to relate to my thoughts in a different way. I could think more clearly about what I was writing. I could think more clearly in the context of a conversation. I was able to engage with my thoughts as simply information and not facts. We can really make our thoughts work for us instead of just being dictated to by our thoughts. And I begin by using some of the work from Stephen Hayes, and I want to share the thing that helped me the most and kind of the the entry point for this is to say that is just a thought. If you notice a critical thought about yourself or about someone else, you can say that's just a thought. I'm aware that I'm having this thought, or I'm aware that I'm feeling uncomfortable. The observation of the thought gives you so much more power and control over what is happening and what choices you make. So when I think about mindset, it includes this idea of acceptance, dealing with what is on the outside, dealing with what is on the inside. It allows us to face circumstances as they are from a place of inner knowing as well as clear observation. And I think acceptance is really a necessary piece. Before we start trying to make changes. And this has been well documented in a variety of areas of psychology. That acceptance of our emotions and who we are is vital and necessary before we change. The idea of mindset includes forging a new working relationship with our thoughts. Practicing consciousness. Creative thinking. I used to definitely over rely on the verbal component of my brain. The thinking part I identified with I am a thinker. And now I understand that I'm not a thinker. That is just that my brain thinks I'm aware of many thoughts in my brain. So this second idea of mindset and being able to have a look at what's going on in your brain. Not believe it as a fact is really one of those ideas that is so necessary, especially right now when many, many people are believing their own opinions or they they heard it from an unreliable source on the internet and they decided they would believe that video or they would believe old, outdated misinformation. There are medical doctors who've lost their license, but their old ideas lingered on. They're simply not true. And people really struggle to shift their perspective, to allow their minds to grow, to accept that sometimes we believe things that aren't true, and then we can grow and our mind tends to double down. Instead of recognizing that we might be making a mistake or thinking something is a fact when it's not, many people will double down on those ideas. But when we have a flexible mindset, we're able to entertain ideas without believing all of them. Someone who is a good speaker or good at debate can entertain many ideas in their head without believing them all. This mental flexibility is something that I strive for, and the third pillar I want to talk about is purpose. And these are your values and how you show it on the outside. So your your purpose is really about your personal values. What matters most to you in your life? What's essential? The purpose that you choose. Is very personal. It's something that you decide on based on what you enjoy. Have an interest in what you have, the ability or the aptitude for doing. Let's start with values. This is what you decide is most important to you. And we all have values in many areas. I'll give you some examples. How you might have a health value. I want to make sure that I'm taking how seriously it's my number one value, because I've come to see that without good quality health in our body, and our mind is in our body, without good quality health, everything else suffers. Our relationships, our work, our ability to enjoy our life all rests on some aspect of health. We have values in our intimate partners. We want to be honest and kind and bring our best self to our partner. I have a value around education that I want to keep my mind open and flexible, and learn new information and figure out how to incorporate it or understand it in the context of what else I know. And I want to eliminate old, outdated and scientific information that really isn't scientific anymore. It's no longer true. We all have values around family and that the value is I know how we want to show up. I want to be a kind mom who's present and generous with her time and love. We have values around friendship, and it's how would you like to show up for your friends? I'd like to have fun, be. Be available, be supportive, give help. But we also have values in so many other areas you can think about maybe sports, spirituality, your work, your community, creativity. You might have values related to what you offer to your community like service, a value around personal development, your hobbies, your values are just what you want to bring to each area. And here's the thing it has nothing to do with what other people are doing or if they like what you are doing. This is all about how you want to be, how you want to show up in the world. For example, when you come across someone being perhaps dishonest at work and you have a value that you've committed to acting with honesty, you don't become dishonest when dealing with a dishonest person. Right? You don't drop all your values and also become dishonest. You stick with your values. And the more our thoughts and beliefs about our values are in alignment with our actions, the happier we are. Which brings us to the second part of your purpose. Is how you're acting these out in the world. How are you demonstrating what's important to you? So a committed action is how you demonstrate your values, how it is seen on the outside by you or by others seeing you. How do you show what matters to you? Now, how we behave is a direct reflection of our values and our beliefs. Committed action is how you show up in the world. Now notice this is about action. It's not about thoughts and beliefs. You're not allowing a thought or a feeling to dictate how you choose to behave. You're allowing your values to take the driver's seat. If you are living your values, they will show in your behavior. No need to run around announcing them. In my example about health. If you believe strongly in your value of health, then it shows up in your behavior. You'll make. Time to go for walks. You will learn to manage your mind. You'll learn new things about how you'll try new foods. You'll practice different kinds of body care. You'll invest time and money in your health. But if you're only talking about how health is important, if you're only watching cooking shows and not cooking new foods or healthy, nutritious meals, it's just a wish. And the problem that arises is when we have these wishes and we fail to act on them. It's a recipe for quite a lot of distress. When I think about my purpose, I think back to the word service. And it's my wish to be of service in the world, and my value of creativity fits in there. Sharing how to be more creative, becoming an art therapist and a psychologist so that I could be of service in a way that fit me and my unique way of being in the world. And if you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what your purpose is, I think that's not quite true. If you sit down and reflect on what's most important to you, it will become abundantly clear. I like to reflect on my values every year. And see what feels most important. And things evolve over time. My value of education has remained constant, but how I continue to educate myself has changed. My value in parenting and being a kind, loving parent remains. But how I parent has changed. It was different when my son was 1 or 3 or 10 or 17. How I show up to show that value, it just looks different. So your values evolve over time. The amount of energy or focus or time it takes can shift and change. Sometimes there's an emergency in the family, and you have to take care of someone. That requires a little shift and balance in juggling your values. Let me leave you with some powerful questions that can give you a peep into your own reflective experience of living your pillars, living your core values. Where are you most present in your life? When is it easy for you to make contact with the present moment? Is it when you're out in nature, painting, cooking, spending time with certain friends when you're in the flow of work? When do you feel most in contact with the now? Figure out how you're doing that, why you're doing that, and see where else you can expand it. You're able to make full contact in many, many places, not just the areas where you're feeling good. Next. Reflect on your mindset. No thought in your head is a fact. Any thought in your head is one neuron firing across a synapse to another neuron and then spreading out in a predictable pattern? That's what a thought is. It is not a fact. It is not true. We hear the same thoughts in our head over and over. We start to believe them is true. I'm not good enough. I don't know how to do it. Those are simply thoughts that we've repeated. So figure out what your thoughts are that you're repeating over and over that you're believing that are simply not true. And you can replace them with bots that do serve you, that make you feel good. You're creating your thoughts and those feelings, so why not focus on a mindset that allows you to feel good? There's no bonus at the end of life for suffering. There's no bonus or extra credit if you stay miserable and finally do something that brings you joy, that is your purpose to feel good and to give that to others. It's not about acquiring possessions. It's not about accomplishing some new skill that you're learning. It's about making contact with the present moment, sharing your joy with others. And this leads us on the direct path to our purpose. I would love to hear from you. Send me a message. You can reach me. There's a button in the show notes that will send me a direct message. I would love to hear all about. What is your purpose and why are you making contact with the present moment, and what are the activities that give you that incredible amount of pleasure? Have a wonderful rest of your week! Now that you know about how to use your creativity, what will you create? 

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