131. Creativity and Context

"Creativity itself doesn't care about results. The only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens happen next without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk or a mule or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work. Destiny will do what it wants with you regardless." - Elizabeth Gilbert 

Transcript

"Creativity itself doesn't care about results. The only thing it craves is the process. Learn to love the process and let whatever happens happen next without fussing too much about it. Work like a monk or a mule or some other representative metaphor for diligence. Love the work. Destiny will do what it wants with you regardless." This quote from Elizabeth Gilbert starts us off today as we are talking about how to be in the here and now, and why the process continues to matter. 

Welcome in. I'm Dr. Amy Backos and I am delighted you're here on this audio creativity journey with me. I was speaking with a woman that I supervise, and she works in a hospital setting, and we talked about ways of allowing people to know us in a sort of more formal situation, like doing therapy or teaching or being out in the world. So I'm talking about how to let people know you. Not your friends or your family, but the the world. The general experience of being in the world. And how do we take a risk and speak who we are and express who we are, and allow others to know us? And the idea of putting ourselves out there in a social situation, in a formal situation, such as meeting someone new, even talking to someone you don't know in the grocery store, there is a certain formality to it. There's sort of rules of engagement for us to be able to talk to people in the world, and if there's something that is general enough that we're willing to share with a stranger, how do we do that in a way that makes it meaningful and worthwhile? This is especially relevant for those of us who are on the introverted side of things, where it's not necessarily our first thought to jump up and engage with other people. If you've ever considered how to put yourself out there and you're just not sure quite how to do it, persona is for you. We're talking about the aspects of being here in the present moment. Being willing to share a piece of your vision of your world. Some words other people. If you want to get up on a stage and do that, you can do that. If you want to be able to be more authentic but chit chat with the neighbors, you can do that too. All requires us however it contact with the present moment and be inspired speakers right before they get up on stage to talk, not reviewing their note cards what they're doing. Gathering their thoughts. They're collecting themselves, centering themselves and getting ready to share and be vulnerable and express themselves with another people. Focusing on how to center themselves so that they can do that. Same holds true for us to be shuffling through our note cards before a speech, in the same way that we don't want to be walking down the street, completely preoccupied with ourself and our own thoughts, much so that we miss out on an opportunity to say hi to a neighbor, smile at a child in the stroller, or generally be engaged in what's happening. When I'm present. Walking around, I see so many funny things, happy things, touching things, sad things. I used to miss a lot of that. Just kind of being wrapped up in my own thoughts. I think part of my identity was, oh, I'm a good thinker. I like to think I can think things and write things. I realize that thinking is sort of self-indulgent. It's self-reflective, and that there's a million more ways to engage in the world, not the content of our thoughts. We're not our feelings. We are not our bodily sensations. We're not our actions or our roles. None of that is us, really. It's us in a completely separate way on the outside. Instead, where the context of our consciousness observing our thoughts and our feelings and our bodily sensations, we're engaging in actions that are truly important to us. That is the true you. And if you've ever struggled with who you are and who you want to be, and are you acting in that way, this is what I'm talking about the self as context. That you're the person experiencing all these things in choices to engage in the world in a meaningful way. When this week did you feel most present? And by that I mean a snapshot moment that you can recall. I can think of lots. I am always looking out the window. I'm going for walks and looking at stuff, and I remember those moments. They're really interesting to me to be walking along, aware of whatever is happening in my head, noticing my footsteps, and then something will catch my eye and I'll notice a beautiful sky or the leaves on the tree. Whatever it is, those moments of making contact with the present moment, I have some really great moments of contact this week laughing with my family. I also have a moment that sticks out where I felt kind of bad. I probably shouldn't have said what I said. It wasn't that what I said was wrong, but I wish I would have waited for a better time to say it, and it stuck out in my head. As soon as I said it, I backtracked and said, I shouldn't have said that right now. Let's get back to what we were talking about. So not all of my present connected moments are ones that I love or feel great about. Some of them are these things where I feel like I put my foot in my mouth. Presence, however, is the first place that we need to go to to make contact with reality, to get out of our mind and get into our lives. Making contact means fully conscious, and we're engaged with our current experience, and having presence occurs when we're able to relate to and accept our thoughts, our emotions, our bodily sensations, even the difficult ones, to making contact with. The present moment kind of has nothing to do with do I like this moment or not? It has everything to do with am I accepting what's happening right now? Am I out of my thoughts and focused on what it is that's in front of me? The fastest way in to making contact with the present moment is to take a deep breath and reflect on who is observing all of these things, who is noticing each of these things. I'm the observer of my walk. I'm the person noticing the temperature of the air on my skin, how my feet feel in each step, the sound of the wind in the trees, or noticing the fog rolling in or rolling back out. That observer of the experience is yourself as context. In other traditions, it's called a wise mind or the observing cell. It's simply the part of you that's doing the observing of the inner and outer world. It's also a really easy way to understand yourself. When we think about the idea of metacognition, it means we're thinking about thinking. So right now you're listening to my voice, and now you're thinking about your thoughts. And who is thinking those thoughts. That's metacognition. What I'm talking about for yourself is the context of your life is really meta awareness, pure awareness of what's going on. And it's noticing that you're noticing, and this is really the cornerstone of our consciousness. Furthermore, yourself as context really is a behavior, and I think to call it a part of yourself or even a part is, is just a metaphor. It's not some aspect of yourself that you have to tap into. Instead, it's really a repertoire of behaviors, of noticing, of making contact, of directing our mind where to go rather than letting it wander around like toddlers with scissors. We're directing our mind so we don't have to find it. We just have to step into it and make conscious attention towards it. It's also involved about perspective taking. Flexible perspective taking is essential for a happy life if we can be flexible with our thoughts and not jump on the train and ride it all the way out to the end with the same old thoughts over and over again, or the same old judgements over and over again. Then we feel much more at ease. There is this incredible part of you that's always been there yourself as context. Your why is mine. It's survived all of your worst days. It has been there for you. Whatever you're doing, this part of you exists. And when we lose track of it, we feel a lot of stress. It's also something we don't necessarily talk about or learn about. So, for example, if you are having a delicious cookie, your favorite kind of cookie, just imagine that you're using the part of you that's called the mouth, right? Like you can taste it, you chew it, it's delicious. If you're smelling roses. There's a beautiful rose garden in Golden Gate Park. If you're smelling roses, you're using that part of you that we refer to as your nose. Yet when you're doing all of the noticing, there isn't really a common expression that we use that describes that part of you that's doing the observing. Essentially, you have to figure that out for yourself. Maybe you can give it a name. It's something that you can talk to yourself about the observing part of you. There's huge value in naming this. The self as context is what it's called an act. Your wise mind, your observing mind, your soul, your core self, whatever you want to call it. There's a huge advantage to naming and recognizing this set of behaviors where you're able to add in observation and contact with the present moment. It allows you, first of all, to diffuse from your thoughts. It gives you perspective on your thoughts and you no longer think your thoughts are true. You understand thoughts to be what they are, just thoughts. Being aware of yourself as context also increases acceptance, and that's an internal acceptance of yourself as well as an external acceptance of others. It essentially makes us a lot nicer to ourselves and others. That self is context is the part of us or the behavior that we engage in the repertoire of behaviors that allows us to make flexible contact with the present moment. It gives us, number four, access to our stable sense of self. And to be stable and content requires this ability to observe. And finally, making contact with ourselves allows us to access that transcendent sense of self, that part of us that really is experiencing wonder and awe about the world. Let me give you some examples. Our self-concept changes. We experience ourselves as differently in different roles. First, we're a high school student, then we're a graduate, and we perceive ourselves to be different. We might have a job and then get a different job. We might become a parent. We might move, take on different roles, have different attention to our health. We can have different financial status from one year or one decade to the next. Our relationships change. All of these things change. What's the common denominator? It's you. Your self as context is the underlying common denominator. And it's from this calm center which you can notice all the changing thoughts and feelings and roles and circumstances that exist. That calm center helps you adopt just this more healthy way of observing and experiencing your life. It really lets you have a positive self narrative talking to yourself in a kind, kind way. There's absolutely more to us than just our body, our bodily sensations, our thoughts, our feelings, our memories. There's more to you than the roles you play in life or the actions that you take. And all of these things are constantly changing anyway, from one moment to the next. An emotion will last 30s if just left to its own devices, if we're not clinging to it or trying to push it away, it rises and falls and get 30s maybe 90s and then it dissolves. All of these things are constantly changing, and yet your centered self is always the same. It's unchanging. It's stable. You can think about contact with yourself as part of your context as you're noticing something. Make contact with that part of you that is noticing that thing. So if you look around your room and put your eyes on something, I'm looking at this cute little tin canister I have. It's got the Eiffel Tower on it. I got it last time I was in Paris on the Paris retreat. I love it, it's so cute and I really enjoyed looking at it. And then I can make contact with the part of me that's observing that there's part of me that's noticing I'm having a nice reaction. It's a nice design. I'm having happy memories from all the women that went on the retreat. So you see, there's this piece that can notice those things. It's not just the tin itself, it's me noticing the tin. That's the self as context. This kind of conversation that we're having also helps us with limiting our mind from wandering. And we make this terrible mistake of losing track of what we're doing. And it's not so terrible until it's maybe something serious that we miss, right? It's terrible to lose track of your of your mind when you're driving, but perhaps you can think of examples on a smaller scale. If you've ever been reading a book and you realized you just read the paragraph or a page and kind of missed it because you were lost in your thoughts, or you were chatting with someone and you realized you stopped listening, even watching a movie. Your mind can wander and you kind of have no idea what just happened. And that's okay. The part of you that notices that's your observing self. Your self is context and there's no judgment. When we realize we missed the last paragraph of our book, it's time to celebrate because you brought your mind back. It's that moment that you've made contact with the present, and what you can do at that point is continue reading. Or you can spend a moment judging yourself or having been distracted. But I think the better thing to do is say, yay, I'm back, and then continue reading. You don't have to judge yourself for losing track. The ideal is that our mind is always keeping a space for where we're going. I'm going to empty the dishwasher. I'm going to read this chapter in my book. I am going to take the dog for a walk and I can do all those things. But sometimes my mind will wonder. And before I take the dog for a walk, I'll put in a load of laundry and then I'll notice that the other load is done and I should stop and fold it. And then I'll. See a glass and I need to run upstairs and put in the kitchen. And then I think I'll do some dishes before I go. And pretty soon I'm an hour later doing stuff instead of the thing that I had planned to do, which was to get some exercise, enjoy a little sunshine, and walk the dog. This kind of distraction is lessened when we're able to stay present and focused. Make full contact with the present moment and stay fully engaged. I ask women inside the modern Creative Women monthly classes to create a picture of their self as context, and it's the idea of you looking at you, doing the looking. I found a photo that really stuck out for me, and it's a photograph of a woman with a old fashioned camera taking a picture of herself in the mirror. So it's not a photo of her, it's a photo of her taking a picture of her. You know, the camera's in front of her face. There's this idea in the image that she's aware that she's observing herself. It's not just a picture of someone that they take of themselves in the mirror, and they're making eye contact with themselves. Wasn't that she had the camera in front of her face. So there's this very clear, intentional expression of this is a picture of me looking at me, observing me through the lens of the camera. And that's essentially how you have to kind of wrap your head around looking at yourself as context. It is something that seems a little elusive, that once you become aware of it, then it's part of the thing that you're looking at instead of the part of you that's observing. So if you can imagine looking at yourself, observing your thoughts, your feelings, your bodily sensations, being that observer and maintaining that perspective, you know you can get there for a few moments at a time and then kind of lose track of it. See if you can do it on your next walk. See if you can do it while you are just sitting, resting quietly. See if you can do it while you're engaged in conversation or while you're making a meal. All the opportunities are available for you to just notice that you're noticing. You can notice, oh, I'm feeling tense. My jaw is clenched and then you can relax your jaw, but you couldn't do that until you noticed it. You might notice that you're having a really great time with a friend. You're laughing, and then you can say that, hey, friend, this is so fun. I'm really enjoying my time. It pulls you into the moment and you make a process comment like that. I'm enjoying this. Your friend will be pulled into the moment as well. It's a really cool experience over and over to just keep making contact with the present moment. I want to wrap up this episode with a delightful quote, and I started looking for quotes about creativity to share with you today. I always type in quotes about whatever topic by women, and always it gives me a list of quotes on that topic and it gives me a lot of men. I feel kind of frustrated about that. I'm asking for quotes by women, and the first site that I clicked on gave me 80% men quotes about creativity. So we still have work to do. All right. Here's the quote I want to end with It's Maya Angelou. You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. And I believe this to be true as well about ourself as context. The more you make contact with it, the more you're able to make contact with it. It becomes easier and easier to connect in the present moment, because here and now is all that counts. It's all we have. Let me know how you relate to this idea of self as context, that core self that observing self. And let me know a moment in time where you're able to really connect with that aspect of yourself, or tap into that repertoire of behaviors that allows you to be in the present moment. I always love to hear from you. You can message me in the show notes. You can find me on Instagram @dramybackos. And if you would be so kind, I would love for you to leave a review. If you can just drop in five stars. Or you can take a moment to add in a few words about the podcast that allows other women to find the podcast, and we can keep sharing. You could also share with three of your friends, send them over an episode that you think really spoke to you, and it's a way to connect. Let them know you were thinking of them, and it also expands how we can spread this information to make the world a better place. Now that you know, what will you create?