136. The Break Your Brain Is Begging For

“Self-care is how you take your power back.”
— Lila Delia

🧠 In This Episode

• Why purpose = values + committed action (from an ACT perspective)
• How values differ from goals — and why that matters for long-term wellbeing
• What happens in your brain after 50–90 minutes of focused work
• Why breaks improve productivity, creativity, learning, and memory
• What doesn’t count as a break (hint: scrolling your phone)
• How micro-breaks support your prefrontal cortex
• Signs your nervous system is asking for a pause
• Why art-making and flow activities are especially powerful forms of rest
• How mindful breathing differs from guided breathing
• How to identify what felt heavy in 2025 — and what you may be ready to let go of

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Alignment creates happiness. When what you think, say, and do are in harmony, your nervous system feels safer and more regulated.
• Breaks are biologically necessary. They restore focus, consolidate memory, reduce stress, and support creative problem-solving.
• Values need protection. Like something precious, they require boundaries and conscious choices.
• Elimination creates space. Letting go of what drains you allows more room for what matters most.
• Presence is a practice. Asking “What is most important and valuable right now?” brings you back into the moment.

✍️ Reflective Prompts from the Episode

1. What is most important and valuable right now?
   (Pause. Ask yourself again. Let the answer deepen.)
2. What felt heavy in 2025?
   What slowed you down or created unnecessary stress?
3. What are you ready to eliminate?
   What can you let go of to create more space for value-based living?

🎨 Restorative Breaks (That Actually Work)

• A 5–20 minute walk (especially after learning something new)
• Stretching, dancing, or intentional movement
• Art-making without pressure (doodling, scribbling, painting)
• Flow hobbies (knitting, running, repetitive creative tasks)
• Mindful breathing (simply observing your breath)
• Brief solitude or time in nature
• Shifting tasks (writing → editing, thinking → organizing)

Transcript

Self-care is how you take your power back. This quote from Lila Delia starts us off today. I'll be talking about the why. That is the science of how you can enjoy your holidays a little bit more through tapping into your values and your committed actions. And then I'll be giving you the details of how the specific things that I've been doing, and that the research shows will give you a greater sense of these. So let's get into this. Let's get this started. I've been ramping up for the holidays. My son will be home from school starting next week, and I'm really looking forward to slowing down and having an easy break. The last two episodes I've talked a lot about that Zen process, the process of psychology, of art, of brain, and the neuropsychological ways that our brain is impacted through change. And today, I want to talk about purposeful living and the process of engaging with your life in a way that is fun for you. There's so much terrible news and stressful news, and the more we're absorbing that, the more stress we can feel on top of a season that often involves stress. I would like to invite you to just slow down. Maybe you can take this podcast for a walk with you, and really reflect on what's most important to you in acceptance and commitment. Purpose consists of values and committed actions. Purpose is my word. Act uses the word values and committed actions. Values are those guiding principles or personal qualities that you have that you choose. You choose to live by these. You may or may not find that they line up with what society wants or what your family wants. Committed actions, on the other hand, is putting your values into action. It's taking these concrete steps and engaging in specific behavior that really actively is aligning you with your values, even during times that you're facing stress. Let me give you an example. I have a value of health, and I focus on that in a way that allows me to feel my most vibrant, so I can give my best in all the areas of my life. And this sometimes requires me to say I'm unavailable to go to an event if it's going to really interfere with my health, if I'm going to be doing too many things and I really need to focus on sleep and rest, then I need to say no. I love the idea of thinking about our values as like a child that we love. We want to protect it and have boundaries around it, and what's truly important to us shouldn't have to change all the time. We can rely on our values to help guide our behavior. Of course, there are times we want to stay out late because we're enjoying times with friends. However, we can balance out conflicting values. I really value nine hours of sleep, and I also value my relationship with my friends. Sometimes they compete and we can make an informed decision instead of being blown about by the wind. We make a conscious choice. Gandhi has this great way of describing happiness, and it's when what you think and what you say and what you do are in harmony. This is a great example of how our values inform what we're doing, what we're thinking. Remember, values are not specific goals. Goals are achievements that you're moving towards, and values are really this ongoing direction or qualities that might guide your actions. You could have a goal to run a 10-K race in 2026, and that will change in 2027. Perhaps Yet your value of help and taking action in some way towards your health will probably remain year after year. Those committed actions require conscious choice, and what I mean by that is you're actively choosing a behavior that reflects your values. It's especially important when a situation is difficult or uncomfortable. Alignment is the key phrase here. The goal of committed action is to live your life in a way that aligns with your core values. Let me give you some more examples. You might have a value of being kind in a friendship and under pressure. You might have to remind yourself, I want to be kind. Even when I'm frustrated with my friend, you could have a value of honesty in a love relationship, and it means being honest even when it feels uncomfortable. I have a value of being creative in my work, and that means I have to stick to tasks even when they feel uncertain. I'm unsure where I'm going, and I have to sometimes take a risk on my creative ideas. Let's talk about how we do this. These are examples that the research has pointed to over and over again. And some of these you already know. But to fuel our purpose, our ability to act on what's important to us. We have to first connect to ourselves. We have to have a certain self-awareness and insight into what we truly desire. Now we can gain this insight from a variety of ways. Writing art. Talking with a trusted friend with a professional. Taking classes. All of these things are designed to increase our self-awareness. What I think tends to happen for most people, if they're not doing these things, is they start to absorb information about who other people think they are or who other people think they should be. And it ends up. People feel really stuck because they're creating a life that is reflecting what others want from them, or what they imagine other people want from them. Other ways to really fuel your purpose. Receiving support from others. Also taking accountability for our behaviors. For our role in a situation. I love the question, what's my role in this? What have I done? What did I contribute? What was my process? And it helps me understand how I'm contributing to something externally. Having healthy inner and outer boundaries. Prioritizing what's most important. Leaving space for life to happen. I think this is some of the best advice I've ever gotten is never overscheduled yourself because life will happen, even if it's a small thing, like a flat tire. It takes time to get it fixed. Saying what we mean. That's what Gandhi reminded us to do. Saying what we mean gets us more in alignment. And finally connecting with your source. It could be prayer, meditation, nature, dance, art, anything that helps you feel connected to the bigger, wider universe. I want to give you some research on one of the fastest ways that you can add. Add some fuel for yourself this holiday season and in an ongoing way. It's about a break. Of course, a retreat is wonderful. I go on a retreat by myself at least once a year, and then I lead women on retreats in the summer. They're wonderful and fabulous and big changes happen. However, it's only twice a year. So the science behind breaks is really strong. We can have a lot of confidence in it. There's an abundance of research that shows we need breaks, in particular when our brain starts to feel fatigue or when it feels saturated with information. Does that phrase ring a bell, in your experience, saturated with information? I would say I am in information overload. If I'm scrolling through my phone. It's simply too much. I'm saturated with it. What happens to our brain when we are feeling brain fatigue? It sets in about 50 to 90 minutes after focused work, and breaks are what is necessary, not optional. It's necessary to recharge and restore focus, and happily, it yields improved productivity and even better cognitive performance. So I have learned over time that if I take a break, I know that my work will improve and I can get more done in the next 30 minutes than I could if I powered through and worked for another hour. That little bit of a break gives your brain so much rest, specifically your prefrontal cortex, that part in the front of your head, you know, above your eyebrows. It's responsible for planning, and it's also responsible for concentration. The prefrontal cortex depletes energy when it's working intensely, and that cortex requires short breaks to replenish it. If you just keep working and working and going and going. It's like depriving yourself of sleep. There's some important benefits brain rest and gives you like a reset. It's essentially a renewed ability to focus when you return to a task. And here's what is most interesting right now stress reduction. Little breaks. Manage our stress levels via a moment of relaxation and mental detachment from a demanding task. There's further research that shows taking a break consolidates memories. So the studies that are talking about memory consolidation have been looking at short breaks in helping us learn to retain new information. So it helps us learn and keep new information. That's called consolidation. And when we consolidate a memory, we like get rid of the tedious parts of our day, like the things that we do every day. Day after day, brush our teeth. We don't have like clear, vivid memories of those. Our brain kind of consolidates those, gets rid of those. But it wants to consolidate and keep important information, and especially things that we've recently learned. You can engage in memory consolidation by teaching someone else what you're just learning, taking a break, going for a walk in particular, doing a little walk for 20 minutes after you learn new material allows your brain to retain that information. Breaks also help with your creative thinking, so stepping away from a problem during a break is what gives us fresh perspective and offers us new solutions in our mind. I've talked a lot about brainstorming and how we can use that idea to generate creative ideas, and the underlying function of creating these new ideas is a well-rested brain. So of course, having your good night's sleep. But these mini micro breaks throughout the day are really important. And a micro break using art is especially good for you. Let me tell you what is not a break. Can you guess? Stopping what you're doing and looking at your phone for five minutes is not a break. If you're typing away on some project, shifting simply to another electronic task with a short form video, scrolling through social media is not a break. Doesn't count. Not a break. When I present research to people, there's almost always someone who says, yeah, I don't think that applies to me. And it's true. Research is giving the answers to a question that's very specific with that population of people who are in the study, and then it takes many, many studies to replicate before we can have some confidence in the material that science is presenting. Now, there truly are variations in how often we need a break. So we need a break every 50 to 90 minutes. That's a big variation. There's the Pomodoro technique, which I love. You work for 25. Take a break for five. When I am working on my book, I set my timer for 20 and take a little break. I can find zero evidence showing that our brains get more efficient when we skip breaks. There simply isn't that kind of option out there. The studies all show that a break improves performance. There's no findings that say skipping your breaks will help you perform more. And I think this goes really against how we want to demonstrate to others that we're a good worker, will power through the college kids, will pull all nighters. The idea that showing our worth through this level of intensity, it's simply not true. It's a mistake. We need a break every 50 to 90 minutes at a minimum. So when I'm writing, I try and look up pretty frequently and refocus my eyes away from the computer, look out the window, and refocus my eyes. And I try and stretch every 20 minutes or so when I'm on retreats, when I'm doing consultation and art therapy, I break to stand and walk around every 50 minutes. And when I'm working with people, I don't ever expect them to work through anything past an hour. I also schedule about nine hours of sleep every night. You might be wondering, do I need a break? Do I really need a break? There's a few signs when you need a break. It's when you're feeling mentally drained and this can show up as having trouble concentrating. Maybe making mistakes with time or appointments. Your mind wandering. You're having trouble reading through a page and your mind wanders. And then, of course, if you're feeling all kinds of emotions all at once, if you're noticing physical signs, muscle tension, headache, eye strain, any kind of pressure in your chest related to anxiety. All of these are signs that you should have taken a break a little while ago. Another thing that points us in the direction of needing a break is if you notice your productivity is going down. If you're feeling stuck on a task, if you're making careless mistakes, if you're getting distracted, you start making the coffee and then you move to wash the dishes and then do something else and you're moving around, not finishing anything. That takes so much more time than if you're well rested. You can have the ability to finish one task before you move on to the next. Let me give you a couple examples. You can have a self-care break, a walk, a stretch dance. Two minutes of intentional breathing can make a world of difference if you're feeling stressed. Shifting to a new project can really help. And remember, shifting to your phone and scrolling is not a new project I'm talking about. If you are working on typing something and you're writing. You can shift to a different task if you need, like a micro break you can do. You can go back and do a little something different. So you could write for 20 minutes, then edit for 20 minutes. You don't do those tasks at the same time, but a little shift in the work can give you a mini break. You can take a shower or splash your face with cold water. You can do dishes or other chores. A few moments of solitude make a world of difference. I know for me, I love a few minutes of solitude in the morning. Any kind of hobbies, like a flow hobby, will help you as well. Think knitting, running, anything repetitive. It really allows you to relax. Art making. You can doodle, you can paint. Anything that is non pressure free. Flowing is a break. So you could paint intently on a particular project and then take a break by doing big scribble drawings. Breathing of course gives you the chance to be mindful. Just notice how you're breathing. You don't even have to do a full two minutes. You can just take a pause and notice what's happening with your breathing. If you're feeling particularly unsettled. It takes about 20 minutes to calm down and I always encourage people to take a walk. You can do five minutes if you're just feeling a little fatigue. If you're unsettled, it's a good 20 minutes. Mindful breathing is not guided breathing. So if I told you to just take a really deep breath, hold it for a moment and then exhale. It's not really mindful breathing. It's guided breath. Mindful breathing just requires a few seconds. You can do it anywhere. You're not trying to change your breath or control your breath. You're just observing your breath. You become aware of it. You don't have to take a deep breath or take any kind of shift. All you need to do is observe the cool air, breathing in the warm air, breathing out. Of course, you can change your breath anytime you want. This is just the idea of observing it as a very powerful tool. Oh my gosh. I had to pause recording because the coyotes are going wild right outside my window. I live in San Francisco, the last block next to a really big park, and we hear coyotes. Sometimes it drives all the dogs nuts on the street, and the sun has set and the coyotes are out. It was really interesting. I opened the window and listened for a few minutes. Back at it though, I want to give you a couple suggestions on how you can use this information, and I'll give you one sentence that I've come up with that I believe will help what is important and valuable right now. I'll repeat this question what is important and valuable right now? Now, when you answer that question, I want you to ask yourself, am I sure? Is that it? Is that what's most important? What's most important and valuable right now? If you're experiencing any kind of tension, this question will allow you to relax, because what's important is whatever's happening in that moment. If you're worried about the future, that's less important than the present moment. So the question what is most important and valuable right now is a great exercise for you to jot down just some bullet points of in this moment, what's the most important thing when you start asking yourself this kind of question? It gets easier and easier over time to identify, oh, actually, what I'm doing right now. This is what's most important right now. There's nothing else you can be doing right now, so you might as well be present and do that one thing right now. And I have one more question that I think will inspire you. And this requires just maybe 5 or 10 minutes with your pen and paper. And the question is, what is it that I was doing experiencing in 2025 that felt heavy? That slowed me down. That caused me to be ill at ease. And the answers you jot down might surprise you. I did this exercise myself today, and then immediately on the other side of the paper, I started planning of what I need to eliminate. And this is something that I've been asking my doctoral students before they come into the PhD art therapy program at Dominican. I've always asked, what are you willing to let go of before you undertake this big, big, big project? And the answer is really, really important. People who say they can't give up anything have a harder time. People who tell me that they've made preparations, that they've saved some money, or that they've cut back on some hours at work or a particular project. When people think through what they're able to let go of, it creates so much more space for that value based behavior. In this example, the students are valuing their education. You can ask yourself, what did I do last December that caused me stress, or what did I do in all of 2025 that made things more difficult than they needed to be for myself? And then you can make that list of what you're ready to eliminate. In summary, this episode is inviting you to work with your brain to schedule regular breaks to make a variety of breaks throughout your day. Of course, scheduling larger retreats throughout the year, and then figuring out the things that you can eliminate so that you have more space in your life for what really, really matters to you. I would love to hear your comments on this episode and what you've come up with in these writing exercises that I've given you. Have a wonderful rest of your day, and I look forward to speaking with you in the next episode.