168. Rest, Reset, and Keeping Promises to Yourself: September Resolutions

Rest, Reset, and Keeping Promises to Yourself

There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself. In fact, you're the only person who can do it.

In this episode, Dr. Amy Bakos explores why the weeks before September offer the perfect opportunity to pause, reflect, and prepare for meaningful change. Rather than waiting for January's rushed resolutions, Amy explains why September often feels like the true beginning of a new year—and how thoughtful preparation leads to lasting transformation.

Drawing from decades of experience as a psychologist and art therapist, she shares research-backed strategies that make change sustainable, along with the deeper inner practices that create genuine well-being. This episode blends practical psychology with compassionate self-reflection to help you make commitments you'll actually keep.

Whether you're hoping to establish healthier habits, reconnect with your creativity, or simply care for yourself with greater intention, this conversation offers a roadmap for lasting change.

In This Episode

You'll learn:

• Why September is often a better time than January to begin something new
• How preparation increases your chances of lasting success
• Why writing down your goals dramatically improves follow-through
• The surprising relationship between discipline and motivation
• How tiny daily actions create significant long-term results
• Why habit stacking makes new routines easier to maintain
• The importance of rewarding yourself during change—not just at the finish line
• How environment and routine shape lasting habits
• Why self-compassion is essential for personal growth
• How changing your relationship with your thoughts creates more freedom
• The difference between superficial self-care and meaningful restoration

Psychology Strategies for Lasting Change

• Write your goals down.
• Take action before waiting for motivation.
• Focus on one meaningful change at a time.
• Pair new habits with existing routines.
• Reward yourself consistently.
• Create a dedicated space for your new habit.
• Improve by just 1% each day.
• Practice consistently rather than perfectly.

Five Inner Commitments

1. Practice self-compassion.
2. Develop a healthier relationship with your thoughts.
3. Create space for joyful action.
4. Commit to lifelong learning and growth.
5. Show up authentically for yourself and others.

Memorable Quotes

"There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself.""Discipline comes before motivation.""Preparation is the absolute key to lasting change.""Small daily progress creates extraordinary results.""Thoughts are not commands. They are simply thoughts.""To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." — Oscar Wilde

Key Takeaway

Lasting change isn't built on willpower alone. It grows through preparation, consistency, self-compassion, and small daily actions that honor the promises you make to yourself.

As September approaches, give yourself permission to pause, reset, and choose one meaningful commitment that supports the life you truly want to create.

Share This Episode

If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend who could use a fresh start. Then start a conversation about the commitment each of you wants to make this season. Sometimes meaningful change begins simply by saying it out loud.

Transcript

There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself. In fact, you are the only one who can do it. How you take care of yourself determines how well you can take care of others. I'm Amy Backos, art therapist and psychologist, and welcome to the Modern Creative Woman podcast. I'm so glad you're here. We are talking about rest and reset and what it takes to make a commitment to yourself. I'll talk a little bit about external commitments and how to use the best of psychology to do the thing on the outside. And then I'll talk about where actual change is happening in a much more internal place in how we perceive ourselves, the way we relate to our thoughts, and extending ourselves compassion. So let's get into this. Let's get this started. This is a great time for you to be thinking about rest and reset. September is coming up soon and it really is the unofficial start of the year. We psychologically perceive it as the beginning because it's when most of us start school for the all the years we went to school. It usually begins in September. New Years is often a very hectic time in which it's difficult to go from lots of holiday events into the new year with new changes. There simply isn't enough time to plan out our resolutions and the changes we want to make in the new year. Which is why I firmly believe in resolutions that start in September. It requires preparation for us to make any kind of change, whether it's internal, where we feel more ease or external, or we're trying to accomplish something. Preparation is the absolute key. And when I worked at the Veterans Administration Hospital, we were all trained in how to help people quit smoking. And part of that training included at least a month of preparation, that it takes at least that long to figure out what it is that we want. Anything. Too often, many of us are looking at the calendar about to turn to January 1st, and we start frantically thinking of resolutions that we should have. Exercise more, read more. Whatever it is, we just kind of think of something and try and do it, and then we forget about it within two weeks. So starting now for September, resolution is the most effective key to making resolution last. So you've got a month to prepare, and you can take some time to reflect on what feels like a relevant, important change while you're doing a little bit of rest and relaxation that time before you begin to take action. It's important to nourish ourselves, gather our energies, rest, reflect, and then we can move. What I've noticed in working with women for over three decades is that it's oftentimes people need a little bit of education on how to make a change and how to keep committed to a change. There is an abundance of literature, the emotional cycle of change, the theoretical model of change. All of these describe how we change, and without the perspective of change and what motivates us to change. It's so easy to forget what we committed to. So I want to start with how to keep a commitment. Now, if you've ever had difficulty with change in the past, don't worry. These are the kind of tools that allow people to succeed. They really are positive psychology practices. Then you can use all of these tricks to sustain yourself. The first one is write it down. I'm going to repeat that. Write it down. Write the thing down that you want to change the goal. You have the experience, your desire. Don't think about it. You're going to be tempted to just think about it. Oh, yeah, I thought of it. So that must be done. This requires pen and paper. And there's some really great research about this in terms of looking at people, tracking them for ten years. And the people who write down their goals are way more likely to achieve it than people who had goals but didn't write them down. And of course, way more likely than people who didn't even identify their goal. But it may not seem quite possible to accomplish your goals, but you have to write them down before it can become tangible. That research that I told you about the statistic is 70%. People that write down their goals are 70% more likely to succeed. While right all things being held equal in the research. 70% more likely. Next I want to talk about motivation. So many of the women that I work with talk about motivation. They say I don't have motivation. And I want to give you a different way of looking at it. Discipline comes before motivation. Action comes before motivation. We're often waiting until we feel inspired to take action. However, motivation is a feeling. Remember, feelings come and go. Discipline is an action. Taking action through a consistent schedule and then you feel motivation. Your motivation to continue. Have a great big 90 day chart that I made pinned to my wall in my office. And had I not made a chart, I would have abandoned my project by day 14. It matters that I'm disciplined to write my progress every single day. That's an action and it keeps me motivated. Next. Slow and steady. Are you one of these women who have a look at your life, and you see so many things you want to change, so you try and change them all at once. That is a recipe for failure every single time. Slow and steady really is the only answer. Because we can't change everything all at once. We don't have mental capacity, much less time to do that. Making small daily progress is more likely to lead to a bigger success. Now. Research demonstrates this over and over. People making small, incremental movements toward their goals ultimately surpass people attempting to tackle multiple goals at once, or people trying to do too much. So if you're a woman who is doing too much to try and change four things, cross off three from that list and focus on one. What I've discovered is when I focus on one, some of those other things will improve as well, but my mind is only focused on one and that's what leads to success. It's a more of a mental trick. If you're trying to do three things, you can't do it. The brain is not capable. So what about changing some of your habits? Now, the research shows that pairing a new habit with an old one is practically a perfect recipe for success. Pair 20 minutes a day to make art with a habit that you already have that's well established. You know you have habits that you're already doing. So have a look and see where you can add in what you're trying to do. You brush your teeth every morning. You eat breakfast or lunch. Every day you wash your face at night. There are these things that are built in habits and you have many more besides these. But find one where you can add on the thing that you're trying to do. So if you're adding on artwork, try doing it right after lunch. See where you can fit the pairing in so you know when it's lunchtime. It's also art time. This one I love. Pleasure. There's decades of research demonstrating that you can increase the new behavior with a reward. You know that to be true. From elementary school, we would get a little gold sticker or a smiley stamp when we completed a project. Pairing your new behavior with something pleasurable means you're more likely to do it. So if you're sitting down to make art, you can also just pair it with a cup of tea or a hot chocolate. Deciding that you don't need a reward is self-sabotage. We all need rewards. It's basic psychology of reinforcement and reward. Increase the likelihood of doing a behavior. We don't exist independently of what the brain is wanting. We need to give ourselves these little rewards. Now, if you're a woman, Hussein. But I only want the reward when I finish the big thing that is self-sabotage. It might not look like you're hurting yourself in the moment, but it is moving yourself towards the failure of that goal. Next, consider location. If you practice whatever you're doing in the same location over and over, your mind will be ready for it just by going to that location. If I go into my office and I sit at my art table, my brain knows it's time to make art. I don't tend to move my art all over the house. I do it in one place. If I'm on holiday, I'll take it with me. I might go to a park. It's much easier on holiday when schedule is all over the place. So figuring out where you're going to do the thing. If you want to read an extra ten minutes a day, figure out what chair you're going to sit in while you're reading. Now 1%. Now it sounds like not very much, but if you look at 1% change, you can make a big difference. 20 minutes a day is about 1% of your day 20 minutes. Now, a lot of women will want to do more than 20 minutes. I'll say, well, that's not enough to get anything done. And I would argue this point, 20 minutes a day is a 1% increase. So it's small. You don't need to keep going. You finish your reading or your painting. 20 minutes. Go ahead and stop. Don't continue for hours. That is also self-sabotage. You overdo it and you're exhausted. Be decisive when you make your commitment. Your goal is to stick to it. So keep resting. Rejuvenating. If that's your priority for one month, that's great. That's all you have to do. But if you think, well, maybe I should switch my task, I'll change my goal. I'll swap up my resolution for something else. We get into trouble. That is abandoning our original intention. It's self-sabotage. And it's a recipe for not completing your goal. Okay. Finally, reading these strategies in the show notes or listening to me talk to you about them is not enough for success. Just learning or consuming this information is not the same thing as taking action. Actual practice is required. Now please help your mind, not self-sabotage. And don't let your mind fool you into thinking you can skip these kinds of steps. Or you don't need them because you're just gonna white knuckle it and go for it. This is really about using the tools at hand that will lead to success. I came across this wonderful quote from Diane von Furstenberg. She says, you are the one that possesses the key to your being. You carry the passport to your own happiness. It's such a powerful statement about being the owner of that passport that you have what it takes, and it it's not a passive experience, right? To get a passport and travel around requires action for sure. So now that you know some of the best psychology tricks, which I think you might already know, these are helpful suggestions you might have learned already. However, I want to talk about some of the inner kinds of commitments that you would want to make if you're going on holiday in August and preparing for your September resolution. It's time to consider what feels really meaningful to you and how to bring that to life. So I have five different ideas for commitments for you. The first one is self-compassion. How do you talk to yourself? Do you ever look in the mirror and roll your eyes at your outfit? Do you say something critical? If you are noticing something about your thoughts, your behaviors, your body, your emotions, all of that is lacking self-compassion. Creating that inner life where your voice is compassionate to yourself is a stamp in your passport towards happiness. When we can speak kindly to ourselves, when we patiently redirect ourselves to speak with love and kindness, it has a huge impact on our ability to accomplish our goal. So if you make an effort towards changing something and it's not an immediate success, you want to think in advance of compassionate thoughts that will help you keep going. We also need to be compassionate about our pace, how fast we change, in what ways we change. We need rest. We need movement. We need support, and not judging ourselves for needing these things will be of great help to you. Second kind thoughts. Learning to relate to your thoughts in a new way is essential here. Now we can learn to see thoughts for what they are. They're just thought they are like the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. Thoughts are not all powerful. They're not commands. They're not facts. There are brain thinking. Our heart beats our brain things just as biological process. And once we fully come to understand that you are freed up in so many ways, this frees up time, psychological energy, and it lets you bring other new, interesting ways of experiencing the world into your life. Three. Joyful action. What about making time for self-care? Now, it's essential to create an internal environment where we can welcome in the experience of joy and happiness. And every week, if we're creating a healthy environment, we're more likely to have this hospitable space where joy can thrive. So we need to attend to our mental and physical health, nutrition, rest, friendship, education, mental stimulation. All of these are internal boundaries where we have to set limits on what we're willing to do. Self-care is not very exciting. The kind that truly moves the needle. Putting yourself to bed on time. Not very exciting. You can make it more interesting, but we just do it night after night and our mood gets better. Making sure that we exercise every day and our mood and our heart health get better. This kind of deep self-care, different than superficial self-care, which is important to. But this deep, habitual, almost boring routine is what makes a huge difference in allowing space for joy. Number four committing. So when you make a commitment to a lifelong process of learning and relearning, and you're committed to your own self-compassion, it becomes easier and easier to find new ways to show kindness to yourself. Another. These little steps that move us in the desired direction. We can't know where we're going right away. We can't jump to the end. We just go. Little by little. A few kind words here, and then a few kind words to someone else. In addition to our. So in that kind of commitment, we increase joy for sure. And finally, cultivating your authentic presence comes from creativity, comes from making a commitment to yourself. So when you show up for yourself and others with self-compassion and love, your kindness grows. Things feel better. You feel good. Taking action on what's most important to you. And that makes days where you feel a little down or a little anxious. Not such a big deal. You start to recognize emotions come and go, but you can count on yourself to take those committed actions to be authentically present. And that feels really good. So this week I'm on holiday out of the country, and I'm really thinking about what's next. And it's a natural transition time because it's coming up September. My son's going off to college. So my routine will look completely different. My book is off to the publisher. So the labor involved in that over the next few months is much smaller than it has been. And so I'll be doing all of these things right alongside of you planning what's next. It's an exciting opportunity to use September, when you've got the month of August to reflect and grow and prepare. I want to leave you with a quote from Oscar Wilde. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. The love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. I love that. So do let me know what you think. What are you working on? If you message me what your commitment is in Instagram or in the show notes, I will write you back and share some of mine. You can find me on Instagram @DrAmyBackos. Remember to follow the show and please share with a woman you think would benefit from this. As we build a larger and larger community, this kind of sharing can really build your community. If you share an episode with a friend, ask her to listen to it and then you can have a conversation about it. Now you've created a bit of a depth in that relationship where you're talking about things that are deeply important or personal or creative or fun. So consider how you can invite yourself and invite others to a deeper relationship. Have a wonderful rest of your day, and I look forward to talking with you in the next episode.