When Life Is Finally Safe.... But You Still Feel Stuck Inside

Have you ever found yourself thinking:

“I’ve done so much work on myself…
 So why do I still feel stuck sometimes?”

You’ve been to therapy.
 You’ve read the books.
 You understand your patterns.
 You’ve grown.

And yet…

There can still be moments where something inside you feels slightly braced and on edge. Like you’re doing well in life… but not fully relaxed inside it.

In this deeply honest episode, Dr Nat Green explores one of the least talked about stages of trauma healing:

👉 When your life is safe…
 👉 But your body is still catching up.

This episode explains — in simple, real language — why you can understand your healing journey mentally, but still feel tension, hesitation, or fear in your body.

And most importantly:

Why this is not failure.
Why this is not you being broken.
Why this is actually incredibly normal after trauma and chronic stress.

🌿 What You’ll Learn In This Episode

• Why you can feel stuck even after years of therapy or personal development
 • The difference between understanding your trauma and your body feeling safe
 • Why your nervous system can still react to old danger — even when life is different now
 • How early survival patterns can show up as perfectionism, overworking, hyper-independence or overthinking
 • Why body-based healing approaches (like TRE — Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises) can help release stored stress patterns
 • What real “moving forward” often feels like (and why it’s usually quiet, not dramatic)

💛 Who This Episode Is For

This episode is especially for you if you:

✔ Have done therapy or deep personal development work
 ✔ Consider yourself self-aware and reflective
 ✔ Are high-functioning but still feel tension or “brace” in your life
 ✔ Feel confused about why growth doesn’t always feel easier
 ✔ Want trauma healing explained in real, relatable language
 ✔ Are curious about nervous system healing and body-based approaches
 ✔ Are ready for healing that feels safe, not forced

🌱 About Body-Based Healing & TRE

This episode also introduces the idea that trauma and stress aren’t just stored in thoughts — they can be stored in the body.

Dr Nat gently explains how approaches like TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises) help the body release long-held stress and survival tension safely and naturally.

No forcing.
 No rehashing your story.
 Just allowing the body to let go of what it no longer needs to hold.

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Dr Nat Green 0:04

Welcome to Growing Tall Poppies, thrive After Trauma. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I am so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through trauma. Or significant challenges and not just survive, but to thrive after it. This is a space for people who've been through trauma or adversity, have done some healing, and know they're meant for more than just coping. This podcast is about post-traumatic growth, not getting back to who you used to be. Rather, understanding who you are now and learning how to stand tall without shrinking, forcing, or abandoning yourself. Here we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom. And what it really takes to move forward. In a way that feels aligned, embodied, and true, you'll hear a blend of deep solo conversations and powerful guest interviews with people who have lived this work, not just studied it, because growth doesn't come from pushing harder. It comes from understanding how you adapted. Honoring your nervous system and gently updating the old agreements that no longer fit the life you are ready to live. If you're ready to stop hiding, stop performing, and start owning who you are becoming, then you are in the right place. Let's grow tall together. Hello, gorgeous friends and welcome back. If you've been listening to this miniseries with me, then first thank you. If not, then I'll suggest you start back at episode 89, which is part one of this miniseries on the invisible ceiling. Then it'll give you the proper context and make a little bit more sense. I want this episode to feel like we're just chatting over a coffee. This episode really isn't about teaching something new. It's more like, let's sit down together and talk about what actually happens after you've done a lot of the healing work, because this is the part that no one really explains.'cause if you are here. If you've listened to the first two episodes, you're probably someone who has done a lot of work on yourself already. You've probably been to therapy, you've read the books. You've had lots and lots of insights show up as a result of all of that work, and you likely understand your patterns pretty well. And still there can be this really. Quiet sort of feeling of why does part of me still feel stuck, not broken, not falling apart, but just stuck like you're not fully living at the level that you know is possible for you. Like there's more of you there, but it's not fully coming out yet. And that can be a really weird place to be.'cause on paper your life might look fine. You're functioning probably pretty high functioning, you're doing well, you're capable. But inside, you know, deep down that there's something more you might. Still feel like you're holding something and that can feel confusing and sometimes a bit lonely. So let's talk about the feelings that most people won't say out loud. You know, when you get an opportunity that you really, really wanted, you had your heart set on it. And instead of feeling excited first your stomach contracts and tightens. or, something good happens and there's a part of you already waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to go wrong, or you finally sit down to rest. You feel really uncomfortable and restless instead of relaxed. You know that stuff, and it's so much more common than people think. It doesn't mean that you're doing healing wrong. In fact, far from it, here's the after healing bit that no one explains. I think there's this idea that once you've done the work, you should just feel free fixed, like everything's wonderful. However, healing is not the finish line, and I don't mean that in a way that you'll always be broken and you just have to accept it, not at all. I mean, that healing often gets you safe. But what I see over and over and over again is people get safer, but they don't always feel fully free yet, and that space can feel really confusing'cause you're not in survival mode anymore like you have been in the past, but you're also not fully relaxed in your life either. Let me explain this. Give you a real life example. I'm thinking of a cl, a client of mine, I'll call her Jess. Jess was doing really well. She had a good business. She felt like she had good relationships and she was very self-aware, but she said something that I'll never forget, she said. I feel like I'm living my life slightly braced, just waiting for something to go wrong, holding on for something unexpected to happen. She wasn't panicked. Not overwhelmed, particularly, just never fully soft and able to relax. She noticed things like. Good news made her feel tense before it made her happy rest, made her feel really guilty and being seen made her feel really exposed and very, very vulnerable. Even when it went well and when we unpacked it, there was a part of her. Just a bit of her that had learned early on in her life. Stay ready, stay alert. Don't let yourself fully relax. And because at one point in her life it made sense. That made total sense. But now her life was safe. Her body just hadn't caught up yet. And honestly, that is so normal, and here's the part that most people miss. Have you ever noticed that you can know you're safe, but your body feels really tight still. Your shoulders don't fully drop. They're always lifting up towards your ears. Your stomach feels a bit tight, a bit clenched, your breathing gets shallow and never fully softens. Well, that's not you being broken. It's just your body intelligently doing what it learned to do. likely, from an early age. Your body doesn't work off logic. It works off past experiences, and this is why body-based work can help so much because sometimes your body just needs a safe way to let go of what it's been holding so tight for all these years. This is why something like TRE Trauma Tension Release exercises, which we spoke about in the last episode, can feel so very powerful for people. Not because you're forcing anything, but because your body is finally allowed to shake out that tension that it never got to release before. To gently let those past nervous system patterns move through your body and release. And when that happens, people often say, oh, I had no idea how much I was holding. Oh, I feel so much calmer, but I don't really know why. Or the classic, oh, I feel lighter. And that is your body going, oh, I don't have to hold that anymore. I'm safe enough to let that go. Yeah, I know that might feel a bit to get your head around that invisible ceiling that we've been talking about. I don't actually see it as you're being blocked. I see it more like your system saying, Hey, I'm not sure this is safe yet, and honestly that makes sense. If being seen once caused you hurt, then being seen probably still feels risky for you if resting once wasn't safe. For example, you might have been yelled at for being lazy. If you actually sat down, then slowing down might feel really uncomfortable and really unnatural for you. And if needing people once or more than once ended in hurt and pain, then letting people in to support you might feel really, really hard still. Not because you're difficult, but because you adapted and your system adapted really intelligently to keep you safe. Most important thing that I really want you to hear is that you are not behind. You didn't fail at your healing. You are not too complicated and you are definitely not that one person it won't work for. You are probably just standing at the edge of your next layer of safety and not sure about letting your life feel safe again. And that's actually a really powerful place to be.'cause this is where life can get really beautiful.'cause this is where you stop trying to fix yourself and you start learning how to be in your life. This next stage is usually not dramatic. It's usually what I refer to as the integration piece where we bring it all together. Knowing about the identity fractures and what they are like we talked about in part one of the miniseries, knowing why they are there and how they formed. And that's what we talked about in part two of the miniseries. And then we can now move into increasing our safety and integrating it all together. So it's more like. Oh, you can breathe deeper without thinking about it. You don't feel like you constantly have to prove yourself all the time. You can enjoy good things without waiting for them to disappear, and you can rest without that background guilt noise, and no explaining why you deserve it. And I love this one. You can be visible and allow yourself to be seen, fully seen and not feel like you're about to get hurt. You can receive something good without waiting for it to disappear. That is integration, and it's quiet, and it's powerful and honestly. That kind of safety changes everything. Before we finish, I wanna do something with you like we've done for the other two episodes. Let's just take a moment to check in with yourself if it feels okay. You can do this again with your eyes closed, but not if you're driving. Then do this later or just do it with your eyes open. I just want you to pause. Notice your shoulders. Are they lifting up or are they loose and relaxed? Notice your jaw. Is it loose? Or is it clenching right now? Notice your stomach. How does it feel? Can you feel it? Notice your breathing. Is it shallow too fast or deep and relaxed? No fixing required. Just noticing. Now, gently ask yourself, where do I still feel like I'm holding instead of truly living? Don't overthink it. Just see what pops up. That's right. Now another question. What do I feel like I have to stay ready for, even if it isn't happening anymore? And just notice that's right. And now quietly say to yourself, of course. I learned to be like this. Of course, my body learned to protect me. Nothing is wrong with me. Take one slower breath. And as you breathe out, just imagine letting go of 1% of the tension that you usually carry. Not all of it, just a little, and if it feels right, just quietly say, I survived that version of my life. I don't have to live there anymore. I'm allowed to feel safe now, even if it's only a little bit at a time. That's right. And there's something else I wanna say before we finish. And I say this really honestly, I haven't just sat with thousands of clients who felt like this over the years I've lived this too. I. There were long stretches in my own healing where I understood everything I could explain my self-sabotaging patterns, my deeply ingrained self-sacrificing that I engaged in so very well. I could help other people with their patterns. I knew where things came from. yet still. There were parts of my life where I felt slightly braced, where good things felt a bit unsafe, and let's be honest, as if they wouldn't last, where slowing down felt really uncomfortable. In fact, I clearly recall being in my hospital bed after almost dying of sepsis. Sitting on my laptop doing the work as I just didn't know how to actually rest. In fact, that's been many years in the making, learning to let go of that very hard ingrained habit where part of me was still waiting for something to go wrong because that's what I'd known in the past. And I remember thinking, why is this still here? Not dramatically, just quietly like I thought I'd be further past this by now. And what I learned in my own body, not just in theory, was this, that sometimes doing all the suggested things for healing gets you to a place that's safe. It takes time for your body to actually catch up and believe that you're safe, and there's nothing wrong with that. It just is, and that is just your nervous system doing its job. It's actually been doing a really great job keeping you safe. It adapted so intelligently as a result of your experiences. However. Once you understand that your body has held it and it's imprinted within your nervous system, then you can learn to gently release it and finally feel safe to live the life that you've been dreaming of. But that felt out of reach. And I say that to you, not from theory, from lived experience. And what I love about this work is that you don't become someone new. You actually become more of you, less guarded, less braced, less organized around who you had to be to survive. More organized around who you actually are. That my friends, is where life starts to feel lighter. So before we finish, just want you to sit with one more thing. If nothing had gone wrong, if you didn't have to protect so much, what would soften first your shoulders, you decisions, your relationships. Your voice, who would you be right now? Just notice what comes up. No pressure, no fixing, just noticing, and maybe say quietly, I survived that version of my life. I'm allowed to live this one. Thank you so much for being here with me through this series. Truly, I hope something really landed for you, and I'm so glad that you're here. Please remember all of this that you've been feeling doesn't make you weird. You are not broken. You adapted. Your system did its job really, really well, and now you get to live and grow tall, like the tall poppy that you were always destined to be. Much love, lots of compassion. Bye for now. Thank you for spending this time with me on growing tall poppies. My hope is that today's episode has offered you something more than insight, that it's helped you feel a little more connected to who you are now, a little more trusting of your body, and a little more permission to stand tall without shrinking or forcing yourself forward. Post-traumatic growth isn't about fixing yourself or returning to who you once were. It's about understanding how you adapted, honoring your nervous system, and gently choosing what no longer needs to come with you. New episodes of growing Tall poppies are released weekly. Every Tuesday, and I'd love for you to continue walking this path with us as we explore identity after adversity, integrity and visibility wounds, nervous system wisdom. And what it truly means to grow forward, grounded, aligned, and embodied. If this episode resonated, I invite you to subscribe, follow, share it with someone that you feel might need it, or simply take a quiet moment to reflect on what's ready to move forward. For you. You can also find me on Instagram at Dr. Nat Green on Facebook at Dr. Natalie Green or over on YouTube at Dr. Nat Green. And remember, you don't need to rush and you don't need to hide anymore. Stay connected, stay true, and keep standing tall like the tall poppy you are. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.