The Scrumptious Woman

S2 EP34 Why Can I Feel It With Someone Else, But Not the Man I Love? With Juliette Karaman

• Juliette Karaman • Season 2 • Episode 34

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0:00 | 12:34

Welcome

Hello, lovelies. It's Juliette here.

Have you ever wondered why a stranger's touch can make you feel more alive than the person you've loved for years?

Today's episode isn't about losing attraction.

It's about how your nervous system learns patterns, and how those patterns quietly shape intimacy, desire, and connection in long-term relationships.

I share one of the simplest exercises I teach couples around the world. It starts with making a cup of tea, yet it reveals everything about how we ask for what we want, how we receive feedback, and why so many couples slowly stop feeling seen.

We also talk about why touch becomes loaded with expectation, why your body braces before your partner even reaches for you, and how emotional safety is the foundation for rebuilding intimacy.

If you've ever felt disconnected from your partner, struggled to ask for what you truly desire, or wondered how to bring intimacy back into your relationship, this conversation is for you.


📝 Episode Summary

In this deeply practical solo episode, Juliette Karaman explores why intimacy often fades in long-term relationships, even when love is still present. Through the story of a couple sleeping in separate bedrooms, she demonstrates her deceptively simple "cup of tea" exercise, a powerful way to learn clear communication, healthy feedback, and emotional attunement.

As the conversation unfolds, Juliette explains why many people can feel more alive with a stranger than with the person they love. When touch becomes associated with pressure, expectation, or the assumption that it must lead to sex, the nervous system begins to brace before contact even happens.

She shares how slowing down, asking permission, reading the body's signals, and making small adjustments create the emotional safety that allows desire and connection to return naturally.

Whether you're rebuilding trust, navigating mismatched desire, improving communication, or simply longing to feel closer again, this episode offers practical relationship tools you can begin using today.


🔎 Key Takeaways

Your nervous system remembers patterns.

The body learns what touch usually leads to, and those expectations shape how open or guarded you feel.

Communication creates intimacy.

Learning to ask for exactly what you want, even with something as simple as a cup of tea, builds trust and emotional connection.

Feedback is part of love.

Small adjustments, offered with kindness and received without defensiveness, strengthen relationships.

Touch doesn't always need an agenda.

Removing the expectation of sex allows safety, curiosity, and genuine desire to return.Emotional safety comes before intimacy.

The body doesn't stop wanting connection. It stops opening when it no longer feels safe enough to receive it.

Lasting change happens through small moments.

Deep intimacy isn't built through grand gestures. It's created through consistent moments of presence, care, and attunement.

I'd love to hear from you drop me a text!

🔗 Resources & Links

Let’s keep the conversation going over on Instagram.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share your thoughts. I love hearing your stories. And remember, you are scrumptious just as you are, inside and out.

Find out more about Juliette Karaman here: https://feelfullyyou.com 

Juliette Karaman (00:00)
Hello my listeners. Today I want to speak.

Juliette Karaman (00:05)
Can I feel it was someone else, but not the man that I love?

Juliette Karaman (00:09)
A couple came to me. Separate bedrooms at this point. She said she wanted more than what she called a wam bam. Thank you, ma'am.

Juliette Karaman (00:17)
He heard this with criticism and shut down when I said it takes forty minutes for a woman to be engorged enough to be penetrated.

Juliette Karaman (00:28)
That completely blew his mind. And when the camera stopped rolling, he said, Yeah, I don't have time for that. Her answer or her response, you could see it in her body. She shut down.

Juliette Karaman (00:40)
So she said she wanted to feel wanted. He heard rose petals and romance and thinking that he could never get it right.

Juliette Karaman (00:50)
They hadn't agreed on

Juliette Karaman (00:51)
Anything for quite a while, for months. Bringing up children together, the one thing they agreed on is what kind of food and that they get a healthy lifestyle.

Juliette Karaman (01:02)
So I stopped sitting them down to talk about feelings and I got them up and took them to the kitchen instead.

Juliette Karaman (01:10)
If you see the clip, you'll laugh at the narrator. So I asked him to make her a cup of tea. This is one of the exercises that I use in my workshops all over the world. And it's so stupidly simple, yet it's so deceptive. I explained to him.

Juliette Karaman (01:31)
I said, I'd like you to ask her how she wants her tea. And I explained to her, I said, be very precise. You know, put a tea station out, different kinds of cups, different kinds of silverware, lemon, different teas, different milks, different sweeteners. I said, be really precise. Shall I demonstrate? I said, yes. I said,

Juliette Karaman (01:55)
I'd like you to take the blue cup with the saucer with the gold little rim on it. I'd like you to put a tea bag of Bengal spice in it. Add the water to it, the hot boiling water from the kettle. And then I want you to stir it twice.

Juliette Karaman (02:12)
Take the teabag out with the spoon, don't squeeze it, because that leaves too much tannin, and then put the teabag on the saucer with the spoon just in case I do want it stronger.

Juliette Karaman (02:25)
And he already ha raised his eyebrows like, Wow and made the sound like

Juliette Karaman (02:32)
I was like, that's a lot, right? I said, now I'd like you to repeat back to me exactly what I said. So he repeated back. that was the trial run. And he got it pretty much right. Then I asked her to do it. So she laughed a little bit, got a little bit embarrassed, quiet. I said, no, go ahead.

Juliette Karaman (02:52)
Ask for the tea exactly how you desire it, not for what's easy, but exactly how you want it.

Juliette Karaman (03:01)
So she went ahead and asked for what she wanted.

Juliette Karaman (03:04)
He reflected back again, got it mostly right, and then I said, hey, he forgot this, so adjust him. If you can adjust him in the way he makes tea, then of course, you know, we can take that much further, but I'll get back to that. So he went off, made her the tea.

Juliette Karaman (03:22)
Brought it to her and at first her eyes lit up and then I noticed it that little tiniest of braces in her jaw and just slight tightening of her back. And I said, So what is it? He's like, like, no, I just him. So I said, so what you do now is you give him a shit.

Juliette Karaman (03:42)
Sandwich. So the first part. Thank you for getting me the tea in exactly the right cup or whatever he's done right. Right? So that's the good part of the sandwich. Then the shit part. And I'd like you to go back and change whatever needs to be changed. And then the other part of the sandwich is

Juliette Karaman (04:01)
And thank you for doing that for me. I love it when you bring me tea or whatever, you know? G good adjustment, good. The thing that he did right. So he took that and kind of got a little bit annoyed at it, like huffing, puffing, rolling his eyes, and it's like, Hey, if you're like this about a cup of tea, can you imagine how difficult she finds it to ask you to go a bit slower?

Juliette Karaman (04:24)
Bit to the left, a bit to the right. Anyway, he went, brought it back to her, slammed it down, and this be tea spilled everywhere and I noticed her bracing and I was like, Hey, I interjected, I intervened. I said, Let's do that over again. And this is the beauty where we don't always get it right, but we can just pause and say, Let's do that over again. So he went back.

Juliette Karaman (04:47)
Got it just right and his little boy that wants to please came out, and you never know what's gone on for him, right, in his life. So he brought it back to her, put it down in front of her, looked up quite expectantly like did I get it right? And when she took that first taste, her whole body just

Juliette Karaman (05:08)
Expanded, glowing, and like tears filled her eyes. And it's like, yes, this is exactly what I wanted. Thank you. and genuinely that moment was such a beautiful moment of connection.

Juliette Karaman (05:23)
And what I where I want to pause now is actually if you can do this outside the bedroom, then you can start taking it to what kind of touch do you want? The expectation of what we may ask for, that it's too much, that you know, we're demanding too much. This actually means that.

Juliette Karaman (05:45)
We don't get the touch that we want and we just take scraps. And this is why every time I run this exercise, either with couples or in workshops, I get the incredible feedback saying something this simple was so impactful. And that's what it is. It is just something simple.

Juliette Karaman (06:08)
But once you know how to ask for what you want, to give the adjustments, then it takes away that

Juliette Karaman (06:16)
awkwardness in the bedroom. They're like, hey, let's try that. So next I asked her if she wanted to be fed.

Juliette Karaman (06:24)
And of course she said yes, but she wanted to be fed with a strawberry from his mouth.

Juliette Karaman (06:30)
The way he responded was like, no, that's disgusting. So that was a hard no for him. Her reaction was giggling a little bit, like, I asked for what I want just after the tea exercise. And can't have it.

Juliette Karaman (06:45)
So then I did what I did. I asked her.

Juliette Karaman (06:48)
To close her eyes to smell the raspberry that I was

Juliette Karaman (06:53)
tracing on her lips to smell it to actually allow herself to feel it because when you take one of the senses away all the senses get massively heightened. I asked for permission. I read her body.

Juliette Karaman (07:08)
And often this is what's missing. The asking for permission, the sloweness. So stick your tongue out, place the raspberry on it.

Juliette Karaman (07:18)
Hmm.

Juliette Karaman (07:21)
had already clocked her her pleasure language. So I touched her on her chest. I said, Good girl.

Juliette Karaman (07:27)
And the little frisson that came through her body and the gasp afterwards, like my god, that was sensational. So that brings me back to why can you feel it with a stranger and not him? Like because a stranger.

Juliette Karaman (07:44)
sees you with curiosity. It asks nothing from you. that kind of touch, you know that it's not going to lead to sex. This is not something that your body is wired for. The Pilates instructor that may hold your foot a tiny bit too long and you're feeling that. Whew

Juliette Karaman (08:03)
All of a sudden your body's alive again. Because nothing is at stake. You're not trying to preempt where this is going. Now if your husband, with your partner, somehow touch, got loaded. Oftentimes the little stroke on the neck, the nuzzle, the snuggle, the the kissing on your earlobe.

Juliette Karaman (08:25)
Has a path.

Juliette Karaman (08:26)
Your body learned to brace before his hand even arrives. that's your brace is not rejecting him. It's just knowing the path, and you may not be ready for that. It's running on old information. So what you can do to change this?

Juliette Karaman (08:43)
Is tonight, today, this week, take ten minutes.

Juliette Karaman (08:50)
One of you goes and makes the other the cup of tea. One of you first asks for it. You do exactly what I explained.

Juliette Karaman (08:59)
The other person receives it fully. Adjustment, do a little shit sandwich, and then keep adjusting it until it is just right. Yes, it may be a hell of awkward at first. And this is where the beauty is. If you can stay with that awkwardness in a cup of tea, can you imagine what?

Juliette Karaman (09:21)
That can happen when he touches you here. You say, hey, can you go to the left a little bit? Because it's all building capacity.

Juliette Karaman (09:29)
let me tell you what I've watched happen and what's on the other side of this. A couple came to me, they hadn't had sex in twenty-three years. Of loving each other, but of yeah, not tonight, maybe later, and of trying and rejection and and honestly for both of them.

Juliette Karaman (09:47)
Three months into this, first we took sex off the table. Not difficult 'cause it hadn't been done in so many years. And three months later they went on a second honeymoon.

Juliette Karaman (09:58)
They had their best year in business. And what I want to say too that it's not isolated. What's happening in your personal life, in your touch life, in your sex life.

Juliette Karaman (10:10)
always bleeds into everything else because that energy that's stuck there that's not being released that's not finding an endpoint that's not finding that connection those crosswires once they get uncrossed and they get rewired properly then it just affects everything and that's what you get

Juliette Karaman (10:31)
Not the massive fireworks, but touch that lands, safety that builds into your body, and from there on, that's what you can build. So your body didn't stop wanting him. It stopped feeling open enough and safe enough to really open. That's the pattern.

Juliette Karaman (10:49)
And patterns can change. This is the Scrumptious Woman, and I will see you next week.

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Juliette Karaman

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