Right Person, Bad Timing, Big Feels

Have you ever met someone who felt like ‘the one,’ only to have it all fall apart as tragically as the Titanic sank?! In this episode, I’m spilling the tea (and maybe some wine) about the whirlwind two-week romance with my dream 6ft 3 guy that turned out to be a nightmare. From sneaking into concerts to surprise tampons and beer flavoured nipples this is a story about connection, self-worth, and why I’ll never settle for fine ever again. 

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Transcript

Have you ever felt like you met someone who was so right for you, but the timing was so wrong? 

Last year, I met someone who I believed wholeheartedly, without a shadow of a doubt, was my person. We dated for two weeks, but the trajectory of my life changed forever. 

When life gets messy, we get Delulu, buckle up bitches, it’s time for a chat because this is Dazed & Delulu. 

Hello and welcome back to Dazed & Delulu and the very first episode of thoughts on the loo. 

Now I'm coming to you Saturday night with a glass of my lone hand, and this is an epic story. So snuggle up, grab a cup of tea, grab a glass of wine, whatever it is that you need, because we're about to get into it. 

Now, something I've been thinking a lot about recently, not just this week, but really for the last year or so, is, can you meet the right person at the wrong time, or is that just a complete myth? 

Because surely if they were the right person, it would have worked out, and you would have lived happily ever after. Right?! Now, this story is so deeply personal for me, and sometimes I actually think to myself, What are you doing? 

You're literally bearing your heart and soul to the world. Are you okay? 

But for me, I think ever since I was a little girl, I've always craved connections. 

Growing up, I felt really lonely, like I touched on it in episode one, I was really badly bullied. I was also an only child, so I didn't really have friends in my early years. 

And I think I've always craved conversations with people who were never there, and I find myself wanting to share my stories, wanting to connect with others. 

And the whole premise of this podcast is to help people feel less alone. 

I actually used to watch Friends back in the day, and think of them as my actual friends. I'd watch films like Titanic and see Jack and Rose and see their epic love story. 

And growing up without social media, I got lost in TV shows, films and books, and I think that's why I love telling my own stories now. 

And I thought, as stupid is this may sound, that this could have been my epic love story, but life had other plans. 

So it all started when we matched on hinge, a dating app I come on and off a lot of to this day, I haven't really connected with anybody else but him. His opening line was, hey, Lauren, I'm just going to dive right in and ask you out for a drink. Life is short. 

So right away, I loved that he went straight in for that and had the life is short outlook. So I replied, I couldn't agree more. Let's do it. Now, I'm a little bit useless on the app. Sometimes life gets super hectic, and I didn't go back on the app for over a week, so when I finally checked, I saw that he'd actually messaged me back. 

This is obviously how much I wasn't thinking about him. He'd actually messaged me back, asking me out a few days earlier, of course, the date he had come and gone. So I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Profusely apologized, and I gave him my number and said, look, let's take this off here. I'm useless on this app. 

I'd rather talk on WhatsApp. He replied almost immediately, and even from the get go, his communication was on point. Something I really, really struggle with with guys is I text them and then five days later I might get a response. And it's just, I'm just not used to his like I wasn't used to the consistent communication. 

And I actually love deep conversations. Anyone that knows me knows I won't just chat about the weather. I'll be like. So what do you think the meaning of life is like? I'm really into that. 

So I told him there'll be a few rounds of interviews before we actually meet. So I sent him five questions. So the first stage was like the question round. So I did said things like, When was your last relationship? What's your favorite movie? Are you adventurous? What's the most romantic thing you've ever done? And I forget what the last one was, but I remember he answered with such thoughtful, in depth responses, and even asked me the same question. So a lot of times you'll ask guys a question, he won't ask the same back. And it's so rare, in my opinion, to find guys who can have genuinely interesting, emotionally intelligent conversations, especially from the get go, because obviously you're new to this. You don't know how many other people that they're talking to, but he was ticking all of my boxes. 

So I said to him, I was like, okay, great, you've passed the first stage. We can move on to the telephone interview stage. 

So we had our first phone call, and I remember it so well, because I had my friends Lauren and Kaylee here. And he was like, Do you want to do it now? And I was like, Oh my God. He wants to do it now. And they were like, Just do it. Do it. We won't say a word. So as soon as he called and I picked up the phone, they burst into laughter, and I was like, oh my god, can you not so I had to run upstairs, and I was on the phone to him for over 45 minutes.

I felt like I was talking to a best friend of several years, and we were just talking about everything and nothing, and it was one of the most enjoyable conversations I've had in such a long time. 

Like I felt like I was talking to one of the girls, but obviously somebody I was insanely interested in. So we arranged a date for the following week, but we were chatting every day up until this point. Now, he lives in London, and I was working in London at the time, but I'm actually based in Essex, so I would have to plan my dates for after work. So we said something like Tuesday or whatever, but I happened to be out that afternoon with a few of the girls from work. 

So he was messaging me like, you're telling me you're in London. I'm not going to see you tonight. But I was with the girls, and in my opinion, it's hoes over bros. So I was like, No way am I going to bail on them to go and see him? That's not me. But after I had a chat with them and told them about this situation, they insisted that we'd been out all afternoon and that I should 100% go. Only issue was he was at concert that I didn't have tickets to but his friend was the manager of one of the bands at the gig, so he said he could smuggle me in using the stylist pass. So he was like, calm, calm. Now, I'll do anything for the plot twist. And the idea of being smuggled into the back of a concert was so up my street. I was like, oh my god, imagine this works out. This will be the story of how we met, because.

I never want to tell the kids that we met on hinge not there's anything wrong with that, but I've always wanted movie love and an epic love story to tell. So I was like living up my fantasy before I even got there. So I jumped into a cab and off I went to Finsbury Park. So I get a text when I'm in the cab on the way there, saying, by the way, you're not going to meet me first. You're going to meet my friend and alleyway, and then he'll get you in. I'm thinking, Jesus Christ, I'm about to get murdered, but I was already in the cab what we're gonna do, and I was already half cut at this point, so my inhibitions were lowered, and I was just like, fuck it. It'll be fun. 

So he was like, I know this sounds dodgy as fuck, but you just have to trust me. So then the fantasy delulu part of my brain is like, Oh my God, that's what Jack says to Rose when they were at Titanic. 

He's like, do you trust me? And she's like, I trust you. And then the boat sinks, which is pretty much what happened in this case. 

So I text Scarlett on the way there. Scarlett’s my housemate, and I'm like, Hey, this is a situation. If I die, just know that I love you. 

And this is my whereabouts. This is his picture. These are the details that you need to show to the police. But I think it's going to be a great night. 

She's so used to this kind of shit from me, so I bet she just rolled her eyes and was like, Okay, have fun. Check in with me. So I meet his friend down in alleyway. He slaps a stylist passed on me, and I bowl into the back of Finsbury Park in my oversized leather jacket and my sunglasses at night, not because I'm trying to be cool, but because I don't actually have my prescription glasses with me, so I legit can't see a fucking thing without them. 

So I'm looking all cool, looking like a stylist. So his friend takes me to the group, and then I am met with all six foot three of this person. I clap eyes on him on the first time, and I'm like, Oh my God, my jaw is literally on the floor. 

He's absolutely beautiful, beautiful eyes, tanned, long hair, casual, laid back style. He was such a vibe. I was just like, oh my god, I'm so glad I made the journey, and if I get murdered, it was all worth it. 

Like, literally, he was so beautiful. And I just it really got me in the fields. So we were with his friends for a little bit, and then he was like, Do you want to go off and get a drink? So we went off to the VIP area and we got drinks, and he went to the bathroom. That was my chance to text Scarlet and update and say, I'm here. I'm safe. Oh, and by the way, I think I'm in love. You know, standard behavior on a first date. And then when he comes back, he's like, I really want to kiss you. But he didn't say it in a creepy way, because normally I wouldn't like that from guys, like, I want to kiss you. I'd rather they just do it. But it wasn't in a creepy way. It was in a way that was like, I feel like I've known you forever, and I've been waiting for this moment since our phone call. 

So we shared our first kiss on the bench as the last light left the sky. So magical, right? Are you still with me? Are you in love yet? Because I certainly was. It felt like my heart was in free fall, and don't get it twisted. I'm a cynic, so I did start thinking, Okay, this does sound like it's too good to be true. 

We went back into the gig, and his friends were like, taking pictures of him because he was still holding my bag, which is absolutely hilarious, by the way, because he had this tiny handbag over his shoulder. This six foot three broad guy with this little handbag looked absolutely ridiculous, and he refused to let me carry it. 

So they're all taking pictures of him joking around. And then they said, Come on, you guys, pose for your first date. And we're like, you know, just being typical lads. And we were like, no, no, we're all right, thanks. And we just carried on watching the gig. And then my favorite song by this artist came on, and we must have kissed. 

I don't really remember. We must have been kissing all night. And I turned around, and his friend held his phone up to me and showed me a picture that he'd captured of us kissing. And the funny thing is, not only do I usually hate my side profile, but in this I looked like, I don't know if it was because I was him, but I just loved the picture. I was still wearing my sunglasses, funnily enough. 

But not only was I kissing him, but you could see that I was beaming like you could just see this huge smile across my face as I was kissing him. And you'd think that he would get embarrassed by that, and be like, for fuck sake, stop doing that. But he was just like, cute pic, you look much better than I do. And it was weird, because normally I'd be used to a guy being like, fucking delete that. Now, blah, blah, blah, but he wasn't like that. And I was just like, oh my god, this is gonna be my screensaver one day. And I felt like I was falling faster than a shopping trolley down a hill with no breaks. So that night, we went back to his for an after party, and I found myself talking to his friends more than I was talking to him, and we'd always come back to each other like you would normally do as a boyfriend and girlfriend. And it was just amazing, because I felt like I was meeting new people. 

And I love to meet new people anyway. And in the morning, he was like, I love how well you get on with my friends. And supposedly behind my back, they were signaling like, she's great. I love her. And that just made me so giddy inside, because to me, it's super important for a boyfriend to well, he was my boyfriend at this point, but it was super important to me that I'd get on with my boyfriend's friends like that's something that I really want, and vice versa. 

Now we didn't have sex that night. First date sex is something I try to avoid, even though it's all I really wanted. I had to see if this was real, and I found myself liking him so much I didn't want this to just be a sex thing. The next morning was so embarrassing. I got my fucking period out of nowhere, and I was mortified, and I went back in, and I was just like, hey, I don't suppose any of your friends girlfriends have any tampons, to which they didn't. And he was like, That's it. I'm gonna go out and get you some. Like, what can I get you? What do you need? So then he texted me pictures, and I didn't care to admit that I needed the super jumbo tampons, because I was just like, I don't want to be like, hey, I need the super jumbo tampons because I've got a wide set vagina and a heavy flow. 

So I was just like, oh, I have the green ones, please, babe. And then he came back with tampons, a pastry and my favorite coffee. 

Hello. Like, what the fuck like. He was just the most. He was just the most perfect person from the beginning. And then, because I felt so ill, he rented a Zip Car. He doesn't have a car in London, most people don't, but he rented a Zip Car to take me back to the overground station because he didn't want me getting on the tube because I was in pain. 

Now, for context, my ex refused to pick me up from the airport after a work trip, which was 10 minutes down the road from us, by the way, and there's this man I've known for 24 hours renting cars to get me places because I don't feel well. I honestly just couldn't get over how nice and selfless he was, and I so wasn't used to that. 

So of course, I was skeptical from the get go, but he would always say to me, this is the bare minimum you should expect from a guy. And it really, really changed my perspective, to be honest, since then, I have still never had anyone do the things that he did for me. But I was like, Okay, maybe there are guys out there. Maybe I can. Maybe there's hope. So as time went on and we talked about why I broke up with my ex, I told him that it was because I wanted a fairy tale love, and I'll never forget when he told me, I'll make it my mission to get you to believe in fairy tales again. 

And honestly, it just felt like I was in a fucking rom com. I know that this is all like crazy to think that it was all over the space of a few dates, but it was surreal. 

So we kept dating, talking for hours on the phone when we weren't with each other, and seeing each other almost every other day. He even came to Essex and met Scarlet, who adored him. I remember her and her partner looking at me because we went a little double date and saying, This is it. 

Don't fuck it up. I kept telling everybody I was like, when you know you know, because I finally thought that I knew the meaning of when you know you know. One day he sent me a text. I feel like it's just ingrained in my memory. And it said, The minute I saw you, I knew you were my girl, and from then on, I was just besotted. 

Everything he said he would do he did. I didn't feel anxious or worried about being let down. And I thought this is why it's never worked out with anybody else. And although I was falling I still was very much like I won't enter into a relationship too soon. But you know, I was in it for the long haul, and so is he, I thought, anyway. 

And I think for me, I finally began to believe in the kind of love I've always wanted. I'm not saying I was in love with him at that point. I wasn't, but I was starting to believe that I could have the kind of love that I wanted. 

And I know that this sounds really sappy, and you're probably thinking, Oh my God, this was super early to be like this, but I can't explain how captivated I was by him and how natural it all felt. We were planning holidays. We were going to go to Croatia. He was planning to take me away from my birthday. We were talking about, what would you for Christmas like? The next six months of my life was fully mapped out, and I was just deliriously happy. 

For so long, I've been the single one, seeing like in my friends and seeing my friends couple off, and it was finally my turn. I just think I was elated. And I even remember saying to him with my eyes closed one night, because I couldn't say it out loud without feeling so nervous. And I felt like super sappy, but I was like, you're actually making me believe in fairy tales again. 

And that day, I was actually flying to Ibiza, so I stayed at his that night, and I kissed him goodbye at the station in the morning to go and get my flight. And little did I know then that that would be the last time I ever saw this person I thought was my future, and I was so unprepared for the heartbreak that followed. 

So I went to Ibiza for a week, and whilst we would speak on FaceTime almost every day, I felt his energy switch one day, and it was so subtle. Scarlett told me I was being so paranoid, but because I knew how we'd been up until this point, and I know energy, I knew something was up instantly. 

So I questioned him on it of course, because I'm not cool girl. I have to say how I feel, and I think that we were comfortable enough around each other. So I was like, something's up. Like, what's wrong? I feel like your energy's changed. And he was like, no, no, it's just work. It's fine. Just enjoy your holiday. I knew instinctively he was lying, and I felt sick to my stomach, but we had one day left in Ibiza, and I really didn't want to ruin my holiday, so I tried my best to, like, push it aside and have fun, and I thought I'd deal with it when I get back. 

Hopefully it's nothing major. I was thinking that maybe he thought that we were moving too fast because we were talking about planning holidays and everything, and I thought maybe he's, like, got nervous. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way about me, like I couldn't really figure out what it could be, but it was definitely not what I thought it was.

And the minute I landed, I remember he texted me and was like welcome home angel but by this point my guard was up and I was just like so nervous to really talk to him. Scarlett was like he’s being absolutely fine with you, stop panicking. And that morning he called me and obviously Id been in Ibiza, I’ll leave that to your imagination. I was very, very tired and I just remember crying when he called me that morning and he was like oh my god are you ok and I was like yeah Ive just had like a whirldwind, obviously him didn’t really help either. And then he was like oh my god, oh my god, Ive got to go actually I have a meeting and like just bottled it is what I said to Scarlett because she was like he’s called you, he wants to talk to you everything is fine. I was like 1 he doesnt call me at 9 o clock in the morning, 2 he doesnt, like he wanted to tell me something and he couldn’t and I know that for a fact and honestly a woman’s intuition is the best thing ever, women’s intuition will never ever fail you. Like my gut, ask any of my friends is literally never wrong. So then that night he’s going out to an event, whatever. So I get in the bath , chill out. Next morning I wake up at 9am, he’s on the phone, again, very strange. You were right, something is up, my energy isn’t right, I wanted to tell you yesterday. I knew that he bottled it. I knew there was something he wanted to say but because I was so down about being in Ibiza he then didnt want to say anything to make me feel worse. He then blurts it out. While you away, a girl that I used to see got back in touch, she says that she wants me back. My heads all over the place, I dont really know what to do. I’m sorry to do this to you.

And I’m like ok so see you never and hes like no thats not what I want, I was like what do you want then and he was like I dont know and I was just so devastated and I thought don’t sit there and wait to be chosen. He’s just said to you that the minute he saw you he knew you were his girl, you made him smile every day since you met. He’s put all of these future plans into your head. Don’t sit there and wait to be chosen. So I just told him goodbye and I put the phone down. And I knew full well that I’d never ever hear from him again.

Out of all the things that I thought it could be a girl, another girl was definitely not one of them. I remember I put the phone down to this man that I no longer recognize, and I just completely burst into tears and fell apart. I called Scarlett to tell her I was right. I told you I knew something was up, and I just couldn't even speak. I couldn't breathe. I was just so devastated. And even later, because I wasn't with her at the time, she told me that she cried and she never cries, so at least you know that there obviously was lots of feelings on most parts, because she was also sad by this. And the funny thing is, the night that I actually got back, I had written in my journal to say stop panicking. I'm sure everything's gonna be fine. You're bringing in past trauma from previous relationships. You're so used to getting shat on he's not gonna do this to you. Stop being silly. And then, literally, the next day, entry was, yeah, never mind. 

And then I was just like, have I imagined it all? Was this a facades? Was I love bombed, future faked? Like, what the fuck? How could he cut me off like that after telling me I was his girl? Did I not have the same impact on him as he had on me? Was it a lie? Like we're supposed to be going away next month? I've literally booked the annual leave from work. Like this cannot be happening. How could this person make me believe in fairy tales for it to all turn out to be a nightmare? And what did I do? I went in on myself, naturally, blaming myself for getting so invested in something, for letting my guard down, for believing I could finally have my happy ever after. 

I questioned why this girl had won his heart and what I could have done wrong. Does she have beer flavored nipples like what the fuck maybe if I hadn't gone to Ibiza, things would have been different. Maybe he would have seen me and he would have chosen me. It's all irrelevant. When it all fell apart, it hit me so hard. And while it's easy to think maybe I was just naive or maybe I was foolish for feeling so strongly about someone I barely knew. Call it love bombing or future faking, whatever, but I was there. I lived it, and I know what I felt. Those feelings were real for me, even if they weren't real for him, it was so captivating. And you can have outsiders come in and give you opinions, but you know what you feel in your heart, and you should never be made to feel silly about that. Sometimes people do move fast, or sometimes people will say, I love you after two days, and I'll be like, fuck. You know that's fast, innit, but you're not in it. So how can you know what those feelings are like? And you are allowed to feel deeply, whether it's two weeks, two months or two years, your feelings are fucking valid. There's no shame in falling hard for someone or being impacted by their presence in your life. Some people come into your life and hit you like a lightning bolt. And I've actually got a lightning bolt tattooed on my wrist, because there's a quote from Ted lasso where it says you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like you've been hit by fucking lightning. Don't settle for fine. 

So after the rejection, which is a real trigger for me, I realized that there was a gaping void in my life that I had filled with him. I'd only been home for six months when I met him, and that's what made me realize that I hadn't dealt with the huge transition that was me returning to the UK to start over alone from scratch after I had been in Australia with this life for six years. So anytime I tried to feel and mourn my old life, I'd always push it down and tell myself to get on with it. Get a grip like I would, just force it down, basically. 

And then after a few months of not actually getting better, I forced myself to go back to therapy. And that was a huge turning point for me. It made me realize how much I'd been carrying from my previous relationship, baggage that I didn't even know was still there. And I'd gotten so used to being treated as though my needs didn't matter, that I began to believe I didn't deserve to be treated well. 

And I think that's why I was that's why I was so flabbergasted with this person, because he made me feel a certain way that I wasn't used to. So I probably fell harder as a result, and I didn't even recognize the subtle ways that I was actually downplaying my worth. But he made me see that I deserve better, and I will always be grateful for that, even if my heart did break in the process, I will be forever grateful to him for helping me realize that I did deserve better. 

I think I started to understand the patterns I've been falling into and the beliefs about myself that were holding me back during that time, I also discovered something else, a part of me had gone missing. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped being the creative person I used to be. I'd pushed aside my dreams and my passion to fit into somebody else's life in Australia, and pursued their dreams, and somehow it never came back. I used to sing, and when I stopped singing, I would write. So the ending of this had made me realize that I hadn't done either of those things for such a long time. And I don't know what came over me, but I started pouring out my feelings into poems. I've always written, but I've never written poems like to the extent that I did when I split with him, and I must have written about 10 poems about this guy and the future that he painted me. 

So through all of that heartbreak, my creative side started to come back. It was like I was rediscovering myself piece by piece, and realizing that I was the person that I needed to pour into, not men, not this person.

So the lessons I've taken from this experience are ones that I will carry with me forever. Did I fall for the idea of it more so than him? Maybe you could argue that, but I think it's okay to fall for the idea of someone. I can admit that now, and the part of what I fell for was the idea of what we could have been. I don't think it makes me foolish for believing in that. I think it makes me human, and it's nice to imagine a life with you and this person. It's not enough for someone to say the right things, though they do have to show up for you consistently. The truth is, it doesn't matter how long someone is in your life or how short your time is together. What matters most to me is the connection, what that connection meant to you in the moment. It's okay to put yourself out there, and this time I did get hurt, but you need to throw yourself out there and give yourself the opportunities that connection, even if brief, gave me the courage to believe that one day I'll find love like the one I've always dreamed of. 

And honestly, I never thought I would. I didn't believe that fairy tales or movie Love existed. So if I had it once, I'm sure that I have it again, even if it takes me another 10 years to find it. And honestly, I wouldn't trade hope for anything. 

You know, I really do believe that sometimes you meet people you're destined to be with, maybe not always in this lifetime and maybe in another life, things would have been different, and we would have ended up together. 

But I also believe that he came into my life for a reason, and when I was with him, I loved who I was, and that's something that I have to carry through to any relationship that I go into now if I don't love who I am when I'm with you, that's a major red flag. I know that you're not the person that I'm meant to be with, because you're not bringing out the best in me. My ex had made me feel bad about the very things that made me me, the quirks, the passion, the energy I brought into the world. But with this person, I felt like I could be unapologetically myself, and because of that, I think I was able to sit back and focus on myself and do the real work, which I continue to do, I became a better version of myself because of it, and I'm more prepared now, more open to the kind of love I've always dreamed of, and that's something I'll carry with me. 

There's so many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them, and I will not settle for anything less than movie love. And if people want to think that I'm absolutely nuts for thinking that I'll ever get movie Love, that's fine. I'll die a single woman trying to get there. I will not die in a mediocre relationship that doesn't make me happy, that isn't fulfilling to me, and that doesn't make me bounce out of bed in the morning thinking, Yes, I'm with this person. 

And the thing is, it's so hard to not be cynical because I'm just I just want to be like, Yeah, well, that didn't work today. It never works out for me. It never works out for me, and it's not worked out for me since I've not been with anybody since him. And I'm just like, it's relentless, dating like, you want to trust people, you want to give your all to somebody, you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. You want to have faith in them, but then they go and do this to you. And the funny thing is, he was in a relationship for eight years prior to me, he mentioned nothing about this beer flavored nipple girl who could potentially come back in and ruin us. 

Because if he had, I would have said, Yeah, I'm not going to date you. I've got an eight month rule, and he just was on the cusp of it. 

But I don't want to be cynical. I still want to believe that my person is out there. I still want to believe the fairy tales do exist. And he gave me a tiny glimmer of hope, whether or not that was future, faking, love, bombing, Whatever you want to call it, I had a glimmer of hope. If someone is the right person, I believe they'll choose you in every lifetime, no matter what. And to be honest, I waited for a little while to see if he would choose me, in the hopes that he would. But you should know in that moment, if they don't choose you off the bat, they'll never choose you. 

And I think for me, that's the hardest part to accept. Sometimes even the most amazing connections just don't work out. And that's not a reflection of your worth. And that's something that I've really had to bury into myself. It's just a sign that maybe, despite how right it feels, the person you thought was the one wasn't really the one for you in the end, and that's nothing to do with you. The truth is, I need someone who chooses me every time I struggle choosing myself, so I need someone that chooses me. Relationships teach us something. They always serve a purpose. They teach us important things about ourselves, and they help us learn what we need in order to be ready for the right person when they come along. 

I didn't know it at the time, but he did set the bar. He showed me that it doesn't have to be confusing. It doesn't have to be a game of will he, won't he? Or waiting five to 10 days for a text reply and getting breadcrumbed when it's right, you'll know it's easy. You don't have to guess or second guess. You're chosen. You're valued in a way that feels natural. So to all my single girl, I want you to think about this. Do you have the bar set high enough for yourself? Do you know what you deserve and how love should feel, because when you do, the right person will walk into your life, and you won't have to question it for a second. So if you're not being chosen, choose yourself. Whenever I think about Dazed & Delulu and these crazy stories that I tell, I know that probably people do think I'm Delulu which is why this podcast is aptly named just that. But we've been fantasizing about our wedding day since we were old enough to fart. And the thing is, guys just don't fantasize about it the same way that we do. And we actually bumped into each other in Sainsbury's randomly three months later, and he, like, gave me a hug, and I thought, oh my god, this is it. He's going to come to his senses. And you know what I got when I was in this moment with him, he knew that I'd got a new job, and that's obviously what I really wanted. That's something that I discovered when I was discovered when I was with him and I got good luck in your next chapter lovely, as if I was a fucking colleague who, literally, he doesn't care to see ever again. It's just something that you write in somebody's colleagues card, like a leaving card. So I was just like, Yeah, thanks. These guys will never have any idea that this is the kind of impact that they have on us. They run away with their words and promise us these beautiful futures, and then call us crazy when we're like, Well, this is what I envision. This is what you told me. Like we hang on words. So although it wasn't the perfect fairy tale ending, and he wasn't the right person, he was the right person. But obviously the timing was completely wrong, because he was still in love with his ex, or some beer flavored nipple girl who, I'm sorry wasn't even an actual thing, apparently, anyway, I'm not going to be bitter about it. It's funny, isn't it, that some people come into your life and have such a huge impact, it just reminds you that you're alive. Like I felt like this for this person, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. I was deliriously happy for a point in time, and I just thought, How lucky am I that I felt like that? There's a reason that they say love is like a drug, because it's an unbelievable high. You get such a rush of dopamine, and when you are falling in love, there's nothing like it. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I would make a fucking fortune. And this is why sometimes I think single people long for that feeling. We know we're okay on our own. We know that we'll survive on our own and that we do really well on our own. But that doesn't stop you from wanting that romantic connection. 

We as human beings, crave connections. That's what we've been put on this earth to do, to procreate, to mate, and I think it's so rare for some connections to be as wonderful as they are. So why shouldn't we hold on to it? Why shouldn't we jump for joy when we find it? Why do we play it cool? Who has the time to do that? Like Life is short? We could be gone tomorrow, like, let's just love the fuck out of everything and everyone and tell people we don't tell people enough that we love them. 

I love you. If you're listening to this podcast, I love you. I've maybe had too many wines, but I really do love you, and I will never, ever apologize for being too much, for loving too much, for feeling too much, because I don't think we celebrate that enough. 

And maybe just a thought, maybe wait a while until you consider them to be the right person, Let them prove their worth. So I want to be on the plane, not just booking time off of work. I want the engagement ring on my finger. And even then I might not believe you. Just wait 10 or so years to see if they really are the right person. You know, before you start running around saying when you know you know. Because in this case, I know it was only two weeks, but I didn't really know. So you know, and I'm gonna probably leave the podcast there. Thank you so much for listening to my unbelievable ramblings. I love you all so much. I hope this gave you something to think about, until next time stay Delulu.