Liberating Yourself from the Shackles of Societal Judgment

Ever wonder why society's judgements and opinions have such a profound hold over us? Why, despite our best efforts, we feel an incessant pressure to conform and fit into predefined molds? Let's embark on an enlightening journey together, where we explore these questions against the backdrop of my personal experiences, including growing up in a foster home. We'll delve deep into the impact of societal pressures and judgement, and how they can have a bearing on our emotional well-being.

In our discussion, we also turn our attention to the younger generation, using stories from my grandchildren's lives to illustrate the pressures they face. We'll highlight the importance of fostering kindness in children, striking a balance between looking presentable and not being overly affected by judgement, and most importantly, understanding the power of self-acceptance. With a dash of humor and a generous dose of truth, this episode is a call to action, encouraging all of us to let go of societal expectations and embrace our unique selves. Let's redefine the rules and remember, what others think of you is none of your business. Join me, Becca, and liberate yourself from the shackles of societal judgement.

Transcript

The Pressure to Fit In

Speaker 1 0:00

Hi, welcome to Balancing with Becca. I'm Becca. I'm a wife, mom and a nana. I have my Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology. I have a certification in nutrition, I'm a certified yoga instructor and I'm on my way to becoming a certified personal trainer. I'm here to guide you through balancing your days with real life scenarios that are relatable and obtainable. Join me on this journey while we laugh, cry and scream our way to becoming Balanced Babes. Hey, balanced Babes, welcome to Balancing with Becca. Hey, we're calling it the BWB podcast. I love that.

Speaker 1 0:48

Today, I want to talk about a subject that I think every one of us can relate with why we care so much about what others think. Why do we care? Have you ever asked yourself that? Why do we care what others think? Why do we allow what they think to affect us in a negative way? Why do we allow those opinions to ruin our moments or our days or years? For some of us, that's the real question. It's deeper than we can cover in one episode, but let's try it.

Speaker 1 1:29

So yesterday, I was having a conversation with my grandkids, who are 13 and 10. I've also had this conversation with my granddaughter who's 11, who is getting ready to go to middle school and we're talking about school shopping, buying school clothes every year it's a big deal, right and we're talking about what kids are going to be wearing this year, what's going to be acceptable for kids to be wearing this year, so that you don't look like a big dork. That was jerk and dork at the same time. Jerk, they're just humans, just like you and I, but somehow we think that their opinion matters. How we dress, how we do our hair, the car we drive, the house, we live in, the state we live in. You know Californians, we always get shit because we live in this state. It really doesn't matter, or does it? Here's another one why do we feel like we have to do our hair and makeup before we go to the grocery store or anywhere? I can remember in my 20s I would not leave the house without doing my hair and makeup and getting a cute outfit on, just to go to the grocery store. Now, you know, 50 years later, I look back on it and I think, my God, that was a waste of time.

Speaker 1 2:58

We're all walking around worried about bumping into someone I think we knew in high school or college, right Is that it? Is that what we're worried about. I mean, if you're single, obviously you're going to want to look your best when you go places, because you never know when you're going to meet that guy or that girl. But I mean not that you have to let yourself, you know, go to the wayside. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying why do we care so much? Because it is about what other people think. Right, I get it to a point, but that's only because I'm still in that mindset. Also, I'm trying to get out of that mindset.

Speaker 1 3:35

I'm trying to get out of it at this age because, honestly, I'm sick of it. I can see why older people look like they do when they go to the store. They just stopped caring about what other people think about what they look like. I don't think it's about being lazy, I really don't. I think you just get to a point where you're like, oh my gosh, I spent most of my life worrying about what other people thought. When I see how worried my grandkids are about fitting in at school and the stress it causes them, it makes me angry and sad.

Speaker 1 4:06

Everyone is so concerned about what the next human is going to think or say about the pants they're wearing. Oh my God, becky, did you see her shirt? It's really so stupid when you think about it. Right, think about it for a second. Who made anyone the fashion police, especially in schools elementary school, middle school, high school, I don't care who you are. You are not qualified to judge another human on what they're wearing. There are no qualifications for judging anyone. I mean, if you're a judge in a court of law, you have the qualifications to judge based on evidence, right? God, of course, is our judge, and Jesus, but no one else is allowed to judge you on what you wear or what you look like. You're judged based on your actions, of course, because of how a society believes in our rules and guidelines that we have to have to keep us in order and safe and ethically, of course. But what we're talking about today is we're talking about how you look, how you dress, why there's so much pressure on that part of it.

Speaker 1 5:21

So I grew up in a foster home from 7 to 11 years old and believe me when I say the last thing my foster parents were concerned with was how I dressed for school. There were, on average, 68 kids that usually had to get ready for school, and we were all different sizes and ages. I mean, what a shit show that must have been every morning. I never even thought about it until this moment. Trying to get three kids ready for school was a challenge. I can't even imagine six to eight kids trying to get out the door. My best friend comes from a family of 12. Think about it 12 kids trying to look cute before school and get out of the house in time. No, thank you. Side note. I just remembered this. Side note.

Speaker 1 6:04

Remember ditto jeans? Anyone Ditto jeans? They were like $45, I think. In the early, early 80s I found a pair at the thrift store and I wore those things out. All of the popular girls wore those jeans. They had them like in every color. My mom would never pay that much for one pair of jeans. There was no way. So when I found a pair at the thrift store, they were like a teal color. I wore them like every other day to school.

Speaker 1 6:33

I was so happy when summer break would come because I didn't have to put up with the teasing that I got in school over my clothes. How shallow is that Summertime? No one cared what I wore. We had the best summers. No fashion mistakes in the summer, just fun Shorts, bathing suits, bare feet and a tank top. It was so easy.

Speaker 1 6:56

I think about all the days in school where I got teased. One day I went to school wearing a dress. It was this really cute little green dress. I'll never forget it. It was like a holly hobbit, holly, hobbit, holly, whatever that was called Shirt and dress combo. But I went to school wearing that dress with a red and green sock. I don't know what I was thinking. I was eight years old. You know the teasing I got.

Speaker 1 7:25

That day taught me to never mix match my socks like that. To this day I have a complex about wearing matching socks. Kids wear mixed-match socks all of the time. Now I've tried to wear two different van socks One of those little tiny no-shows but I couldn't do it. I still got too scared to wear them. Because what if I got in a car accident and the paramedics and the firemen saw my mixed up socks? Because you know, a shoe is going to come off somehow. There's always one shoe off at accidents. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a shoe laying in the street in the middle of an accident. All by itself I don't get it. But I'm also not taking a chance, smashing socks forever. I have so many weird clothing hangups. I also have three closets of clothes. That's a whole different show. Maybe we could call that one obsession with clothes and how to balance it. You don't need three closets of clothes.

Speaker 1 8:29

Back to kids and the pressure that they're under at the beginning of the school year, to what Fit in, fit into what. Remember. Remember who is making those rules the kids. I guess the balance here is to really try to teach your kids that other kids are not the boss of who wears what, that their opinions really don't matter, and to remember that opinions are like buttholes and everyone has one. Teach your kids that they are the boss of themselves at school. Wear what they like and own it. It's really about confidence, right? Teach your kids confidence and teach them to stand up for themselves so that if some kid says, oh, nice shorts, your kid will say thank you. We have to stop trying to fit in. We have to teach our little humans that it's a good thing to be themselves and not little robots that follow everyone else. The grown-up humans will be so much more happy and content if they can just be themselves, and it starts as a child. Now, with that said, all of them.

Speaker 1 9:34

I'm also struggling with this, as I've mentioned. You know the socks, but it's not just the socks, it's these things. Not wearing white shoes after Labor Day, did you know that's a thing, old school thing, but still a thing? So what I will need to do is purposely wear those white shoes after Labor Day. My God the thought. Now, this doesn't count for athletic shoes or, you know, tennis shoes and stuff. This is mostly just sandals and heels. You're not supposed to wear them after Labor Day.

Speaker 1 10:06

Who said Stripes and anything else? So, god forbid, you wear a striped shirt with polka dot pants. That still seems weird in my head. So let's get that one. Animal prints, no, two animal prints together. This one when all the animal prints you want. Who cares? What are you worried about? Someone saying, oh my god, she's wearing cheetah and giraffe? Who cares? Let it go. I wish I could let the stripe thing go, but you know, baby steps, I'm weird about stripes anyways, I don't know why.

The Struggle to Fit In

Speaker 1 10:41

Hats Okay, let's talk about hats, let's not. I can't even go there. There's too many rules for hats. Men and women have different roles and I don't know any of those, except for that men are supposed to take their hats off inside? Is it just at the dinner table? Is it all the way inside? And women, are we supposed to take ours off at the dinner table? Hat hair. I wore a hat last night. I'm like I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with this hat, like what's, what's the proper thing? No, thank you hats. Anything else will you need to worry about when it comes to clothing. Is this so stupid or what? Oh yeah, here's one, this new thing where you have to roll up your jeans in a certain way so that it doesn't look like you rolled up your jeans. That's the dumbest thing ever. Forget about it. I can't. Every school.

Speaker 1 11:33

Your parents spend hundreds of dollars to send their kids off to school for clothes that, as soon as the kid finishes one week, doesn't want to wear any longer because someone judged them or gave them the look. You know that look when somebody looks at you from top to bottom and then just walks away. Who are you kid? You are not the fashion police. Leave me alone. I can't stand those kids. Go ahead, talk crap. If you like those kids, it's because you were that kid. Those kids are mean. They have no problem telling other kids what losers they are and causing those kids to feel less about themselves, which is bullshit. Teach your kids to be nice. That's your job, parents. These little kids running around wreaking havoc on other kids, screwing them up, making them feel insecure about some article of clothing they're wearing that day. It's terrible. It's really terrible that generation after generation are still doing it. Stop, just stop. If you know your kid is doing that to other kids, do something. It's not cool.

Speaker 1 12:35

I was a single mom for a few years in my kids lives and sometimes worked two jobs to pay the bills. My kids wore payless shoes a lot during those years, unless they visited their dad and he bought them some name brand shoes. Don't pay child support, but buy the kids cool shoes. Laugh out loud Gotta have the cool shoes. Everything else came from Walmart, so of course, I've gone through years of trying to fit in myself because of my understanding of what it's all supposed to look like. Now, 50 years into it, yeah, that's kind of crazy to think about, right, but I'm 58 now, so eight years old, I wear mixed match socks to school and I get teased about it and you know, 50 years later, I'm still remembering that Craziness, crazy.

Speaker 1 13:28

I'm like oh my god, will it ever not be a thing to fit in Again? What are we trying to fit into and who's the boss of this? I want to be the boss of myself. I want to decide what I put on my own body and not worry about what others may think. If I want nails, I'll get nails. If I want eyelashes, I'll get those too, because I want them, not because I'm worried about what others think. I don't have to have nothing to care about what others think. I just want to create balance in my own mind so that I'm not obsessing about what others think of me. Who cares? The opinions of others doesn't benefit you in any way. I told the grandkids yesterday if someone says, hey, I'll give you 50 bucks not to wear that shirt, I may consider not wearing that shirt for that day, because maybe I could really use that 50 bucks, but otherwise, no, I like the shirt.

Speaker 1 14:25

All kidding aside, we had this big talk about who thinks. What about what others are wearing. How dumb it actually is if you really think about it. So the takeaway is this wear whatever you freaking want to wear. People wear the crocs. You know you love them, by the way.

Speaker 1 14:44

People are real judgmental when it comes to crocs. Get a life. You don't have to wear them if you don't like them, but stop talking crap on those who love them. It's so immature. Let it go. Let it go, crocators. Wear your hair the way you like it. Drive the car you love because you love it. Don't get all dolled up to go to the grocery store unless you're trying to meet someone. Or do, do you, but do it because you want to, not because you're worried about bumping into someone you haven't seen in forever.

Speaker 1 15:20

Stop worrying about whatever one else thinks. Honestly, what someone else thinks is about, thinks about you as none of your business. Again repeating that what someone else thinks about you is none of your business. I love that one because it's just a thought. It means nothing. Relax, it's just a glance. It's not judgment.

Speaker 1 15:43

And if it is so, what? They aren't anyone who matters most of the time. So why are you worried about them and what they think about you? You do you Teach your kids to be considerate and thoughtful and confident. It is possible to be all those things. The world could be a better place if we stop judging and ridiculing others for stupid things Like what they're wearing. There's there's style choice.

Speaker 1 16:16

This doesn't mean that I'm not going to talk shit every once in a while. It means that I'm going to try to find balance. This doesn't mean that I'm going to stop shopping. It doesn't mean I'm not going to look cute for work. It's just that I'm going to try not to care as much. I'm trying to find balance also, that's what we're all trying to find here is the little balance.

Speaker 1 16:41

By the way, guys, if you enjoyed this episode, please like and share and click on that little bell. I think it's a bell to be notified when the next one comes out. Thank you for spending this time with me. I appreciate you so much. I just want to go over a little bit of the legal stuff. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Obviously, I'm not a licensed psychologist, nor am I a medical doctor, nor do I pretend to be one on TV yet, although I do like to think that I know a little bit of a few things, a little about a little bit of a few things, but I don't claim to be a no-dol Like my husband. Ha ha, bye, that's what I have for you today. Balance Babes, keep that center of gravity. I'm here to support you and help you keep that balance Until next time. It's the BWB Podcast, balancing with Becca.