Boundary Setting as the Gateway to Personal Peace

Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin, saying 'yes' to everyone but yourself? This episode is the friend you've needed, gently nudging you to redraw those lines in the sand of your life. Join me as I recount the journey of discovering the power of 'no', a simple syllable that has reshaped my world and can do the same for yours. From the intimacy of a massage room to the bustling chaos of holiday commitments, I share how setting healthy boundaries has brought balance and peace into my life. It's a candid exploration of personal trials and victories, an honest account that just might inspire you to become an advocate for your own well-being.

Listen in for an empowering conversation about the little victories we can claim each day by honoring our personal comfort levels. Whether it's choosing how to spend our time or voicing preferences in seemingly small matters like a pedicure, these moments accumulate into a life lived with intention and self-respect. I invite you to not only soak in these stories but to also share your own. Let's come together as a community that uplifts each other in the pursuit of self-care, celebrating every 'self-care badge' we rightfully earn along the way.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

Right balance. Babes, it's Becca here. I wanted to talk to you today about a very important aspect in our lives and that is boundaries. Yes, boundaries, and we're going to just talk about it today. So therapistaidcom says personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. Boundaries in person. With healthy boundaries can say no to others when they want to, but they're also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. So boundaries what's that word even mean? Something that points out or shows a limit or end. Okay, that's what the word boundary means.

Speaker 1 0:56

We have to learn to create boundaries, and I am in the upper middle part of my life and I'm still learning every day about boundaries and how to set them. So I decided today, as I was vacuuming Saturday and my mind is just flowing away and just really struggling with some of the boundaries that I've failed to create with people I love, with people I work with people I deal with. How many times, just for example, have you gotten a massage and you can't even tell your therapist to lighten up? Because I don't know why, because we don't want to be rude. Why don't we tell somebody Like, why don't we say the words? Or you're getting a pedicure or a haircut something and you can see it going wrong, but you don't say anything about it. We're not creating boundaries in that arena and I have been guilty of that. I just talked to my daughter in law about it last night, about how we weren't able to speak up and create boundaries, even in our massage. How silly is that. We love our massage therapist, believe me. She moved and we're so sad and we want her back. So bad, but she was so. She's so deep tissue that sometimes all the times I mean it was so hard to tell her. Please lighten up, I don't know why. Because I can't create boundaries with. I can't create boundaries with myself. I create boundaries with my family, with anybody. So that's why we're talking about it today. Oh my gosh. But we have to do it guys. We have to set those healthy boundaries. It's crucial for our wellbeing. We have to be able to clearly communicate our limits. We have to prioritize our self care.

Speaker 1 3:03

This month of December has been all about self care. I really wanted to see you guys prioritizing yourself and hashtagging self care challenge with me and my group. It's just been part of our challenge this month because this is one of the it is the most stressful month of the year. I'm not even going to say one of that, because it is the most stressful month of the entire year. We are out there spending money we don't have, we're eating all of the sweets that we never eat on a normal basis, we are overindulging and drinking, and everything in this month is overindulging because of stress, because we're just trying to handle it. So goals this month was self care, and if it was to just be mindful about taking a shower or getting a massage and or pedicure or facial, maybe it was just saying no and creating boundaries. That was self care also.

Speaker 1 4:16

So that's why we're talking about it today, because I just had a big boundary that I had to set and I had to say no to something. I actually had to step away from, something that I committed to, and it was so hard on me. I went to sleep with a headache last night thinking about it, and I woke up with a headache this morning thinking about it, and until I put the words up there, I was not going to feel better. It was so strong in my mind and in my body that I didn't want to do this certain thing, and so, until I talked about it, it was starting to make me feel sick. It was starting to make me feel physically sick.

Speaker 1 5:01

Now that I've talked about it, I feel so relieved, now that I've communicated with the person that I committed that thing to. They're so understanding and they were so apologetic for even putting me through that, which they didn't know. They were putting me through it because I didn't say anything about it. I said yes to something that I should not have said yes to and got all the way into it and realized this is not for me and I could have gone the next couple of weeks suffering through it. That's what it was for me. It was suffering through it and I decided this morning that I was not going to do it. We almost couldn't wait until it got to be morning so that I could talk to this person about it and once I did, I felt such relief, you guys, I feel so free, like it's December 23rd and I feel like I can finally relax for this month.

Speaker 1 6:02

I have had so much going on since last year. Even I started my precision nutrition certification in 2022. I finished it in February and then a month later, I signed up for the personal training certificate and spent the next seven months studying for that, took that test, got certified in that, and then what do I do? November 1st Next time I'm going to try to get another certification what an idiot. In something that's not even in my field or in what I'm doing, what my goals are. It's in some totally different thing. And three or four weeks into it I'm just going out of my mind Like I can't do this.

Speaker 1 6:48

So, anyways, I just want to talk to you guys a little bit about maybe I can help you set a few boundaries. Boundaries are going to help maintain balance in our relationships. It's going to promote a positive and sustainable lifestyle. I mean, this example that I just told you is totally going to help put balance in my relationship with this person. I love her so much and I just want to have that positive balance back into our lives. So some of the ways that you can set boundaries.

Speaker 1 7:24

Number one is self-awareness Understand your needs, your values and your limits in order to identify what those boundaries are going to be Like. What are you capable of putting out there? What are you saying yes to that you really have no room for? What are you agreeing to or allowing to happen in your life that you really do not have room for in your life. So sit down, think about your schedule, look at your schedule, look at your calendar and think about your life and think about where is time for you, where is your time. Think about your spouse or your partner. Think about your family and your kids and whoever is in your life, and are you going to be taking away time from them to do this thing that somebody else is asking you to do or commit to or be a part of or volunteer for? Who are you taking time away from? And, more importantly, are you taking time away from you, from yourself? So that's number one, guys self-awareness. Number two communicate openly. We've got to learn to express our feelings and our needs clearly, using I statements to avoid sounding accusatory I, I can't commit to that, or I don't feel like I have time for that, or I just don't have time for that.

Speaker 1 9:07

The third thing is to just be assertive, and that's the hardest part. I get it. I have the hardest time being assertive like that. I don't know why, because I seem like a really badass type person. I usually just say how I feel and I do what I want, but I'm really deep down inside. It's really hard for me to be assertive. I have to really bring it up. And then when I bring it up and out, it doesn't always come across in the way I mean it or with with the love that I have behind it. But we have to learn to stand firm. We're still respectful and inserting our boundaries, but we have to stand firm and we have to practice saying no. And honestly, guys, you don't even have to give an explanation, you can just say no. It's shocking to people when you say no. I have said no a couple times in my lifetime and the people around me still remember that. One time I said no and I did not give an explanation, I just said no and they laugh about it. Now I think it was probably pure by pure accident that I was able to do that, because it's really hard for me to not explain myself to death when I have to say no. I am practicing this and you can practice it too.

Speaker 1 10:29

Number four is consistency. We've got to enforce those boundaries consistently, to establish those expectations and to build that trust. So if we're wishy-washy about it, it's not going to be successful and we're going to struggle every single damn time we go through this. If we are consistent in those boundaries, then the people around you will start to remember those boundaries and respect those boundaries and they won't even ask you. So, for example, if you are a grandparent and you and your husband have a date night, say it's Friday night, but you, every time somebody asks you to watch the kids, the grandkids, because you love them so much, you want to do it, but it's a Friday night and you constantly say yes to that, even though you know that you and your husband have a date night on that Friday night. You are not establishing boundaries and you're not being consistent with them. Now, once you put it out there, hey, grandpa and I have date night on Friday night, so please, we'll babysit your kids on Saturday. Please don't even ask us on Friday, please. After a while they will already know it and they won't put you through it. So you have to be consistent with that High-aritizing self-care.

Speaker 1 11:49

Number five recognizing the importance of taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically. That was my biggest issue the last couple of weeks with the situation that I was in. I was not prioritizing myself, my mind space or my self-care. I was filling my brain up with information that I didn't want in there. I was not. I wasn't having any room for my creativity I wasn't having. There was no room for doing this podcast. There was no room for creating another yoga video for my yoga channel. There was no really enjoying my time off after receiving that last certification I know I say that word weird, I don't know why Certification Whatever, I didn't give myself any space to enjoy it. I just jumped to the next thing as fast as I could, and it's really nobody's fault but my own. I didn't create a boundary, so I didn't prioritize myself. So that's huge. Now, this next one is the hardest part.

Speaker 1 13:06

Number six is learn to say no. I know we just talked about it so hard to say no. It's okay to decline requests that conflict with your well-being or values. Guys. It's okay to say no to request that conflict with your well-being or your values or your space. Number seven is be specific. Clearly define your boundaries we just talked about that too so that others understand what is acceptable and what isn't. Be specific in your goals. Be specific in your boundaries. So, if you're dealing with some different things, pick the top two or three of those things and decide that on those things. You're going to be specific, you're going to be consistent and you're going to learn to say no at those certain things.

Speaker 1 14:00

It could be one thing what is the one thing in your life right now that you have not created a boundary for that you continuously have to deal with because you've never created that boundary? Think of that one thing. Let's work on that, okay, even if it's just one thing. And then the last thing is listen to your feelings. If something feels uncomfortable or draining, it might be a sign that a boundary needs to be set, which is totally the example that I just went through. It was very draining for me and it started getting a little uncomfortable and I started recognizing that I was starting to push back and dig my heels in and I was starting to reject the ideas of it. I know you guys are probably going crazy. It was literally just another certification that I could have used to make more money next year, but it didn't have anything to do with what I am currently doing and what I currently feel passion for. So it's not a huge thing. It's just a different certification that I committed to and I just wasn't feeling it. So you got to listen to your feelings.

Speaker 1 15:23

So remember, babes, setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It's okay to reassess and adjust as adjusted, as needed. You're going to need to do that because things change. But find those specific boundaries, concentrate on those and then start implementing. Saying no, start practicing. You don't have to overthink it. Just say no, thank you, no, that's not going to work for me, no, I don't have time for that, I am so sorry. You don't even have to say sorry you. Just because I'm a sorry person, I say sorry and I'm trying to stop saying sorry also. Nope, I can't do that. And then let it go because, honest to God, the very next minute you're going to feel so much better. It takes time to get used to setting those boundaries, but once you do, you can let go of the guilt for not saying yes every single time you're approached with something.

Speaker 1 16:31

Next time you are in the nail shop and they are doing something you don't like, like, for instance, slapping the bottom of your feet I don't know why that ever became a thing, because it's awful and it doesn't feel good. So every time I get a pedicure by somebody new, I'll have to say to them very nicely, please do not slap the bottom of my feet. I don't like that and they always laugh. They think it's so funny. And then the person next to me is getting their feet slapped. I'm like, just massage them. That's what I have for you today.

Speaker 1 17:07

Balance Babes, this is a process. This is all part of balancing our lives, and trying every single day to bring that balance to our lives and creating boundaries is going to help create the balance. I promise you that it really is, and I hope that I have at least made you think about it a little bit, because I definitely have gone through it big time and just today. So hit me up if you have any questions. If you like this episode or you feel like somebody else could really use these words, as choppy as they are today, forward this podcast to them. They may need it.

Speaker 1 17:58

I think that most of us need it, especially as women. As women, we really hold on to a lot of guilt for not being yes girls. No problem, I got this. It's like we are going to get a badge of honor or something if we say yes to everything and do everything and then we're like Wonder Woman. That's not the case. So I mean, I haven't gotten my Wonder Woman badge yet I don't know about you, but I have done a lot for a lot of people and not as much for myself. So I am going to create my own self-care badge and I'm going to wear that proudly, and I hope you will too. All right, that's it. Guys, have an awesome day, create those boundaries and say no, for the love of God. Say no, bye.