The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
We're all about helping create a healthy, positive, and spiritually positive environment for church staff members and leadership teams.
The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
Difficult People in Ministry: The Dominators
Are you ready to transform tension-filled meetings into harmonious discussions? That's exactly the promise of our latest Healthy Church Staff podcast, where I, Todd Rhoades, am thrilled to share expert insights from small groups maestro Chris Surratt. We tackle the perennial church team challenge: the dominator. You know the one—the person who could talk for hours, unintentionally hijacking conversations and overshadowing quieter voices. This episode isn't just about identifying the issue; it's about equipping you with the strategies you need to encourage an inclusive environment that values every contribution, ensuring your ministry team thrives.
Navigating a room where dominators dwell can be like trying to conduct an orchestra with multiple conductors—it's a cacophony waiting to happen. But fear not, we've got the conductor's baton ready with tips Chris and I have used to create symphony out of chaos. From setting ground rules to clever seating arrangements, and the art of the well-timed interjection, we dissect the tactics that guide conversations back on track. And for those times when a one-on-one approach is needed, we discuss how to handle it with grace and effectiveness. Tune in, and you'll leave with a toolbox of techniques to lead your church staff and volunteer groups into balanced, productive, and respectful dialogues.
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Hi there and welcome to the Healthy Church Staff podcast. My name is Todd Rhodes, I'm your host and I am one of the co-founders over at Chemistrystaffingcom. If you joined us yesterday, you know that this week we're starting a brand new series dealing with difficult people, difficult people that you may encounter as you're on your church staff, as you're serving your church, serving volunteers, people in your congregation. Yesterday we opened it up with some suggestions on overall 30,000 foot level how to deal with difficult people. Today and the rest of this week we're going to drill down on four different types of difficult people. We're going to talk about dominators. We're going to talk about Dodgers, debaters and Drainers, and this information I'm stealing from my good friend, chris Serrat, who wrote an article a couple of years ago over at LifeWay entitled Four Difficult People You'll Encounter in Ministry and how to Handle them. Now, chris is a great small groups pastor, so a lot of this is written. What Chris wrote was through the lens of how you lead a small group, but we're all leading small groups as staff people.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to talk about the dominator. The dominator what is a dominator? A dominator is a person who tends to monopolize the conversation or intends to impose their views on others. This could be in a group setting, it could be a board setting, it could be in a worship band practice, it could be in a group discussion over lunch. But dominators tend to try and they're the bright light in the room they monopolize conversation, impose their views on others. They may have a lot of knowledge and experience, that's true, but they can also stifle the growth and participation of others that are around them. The dominator can be a real challenge for you as you lead people. Dominators want to. If you want to create a safe and inclusive environment where everybody can share and learn from each other, dominators are going to try and disrupt it and they might not even know they're doing it.
Speaker 1:How can you, in your interactions with dominators and in small groups and meeting settings, deal with dominators in ways that are respectful and firm and effective? Okay, so here's some tips you can try. You can start by just having some ground rules at the beginning of a meeting. If you're in a meeting, remind the people of the expectations and the guidelines. Make sure you limit the time and frequency of each person so that no one person dominates, and listens attentively to others. Listen to respecting different opinions. You can also ask the group to agree on a signal or a word that you can use to interrupt or redirect the conversation with somebody's dominating or going off topic. As you're a group leader, this is really important so that you don't let a dominator take over the meeting.
Speaker 1:Okay, second thing, use body language. When you ask a question, turn towards your body, towards others. Make eye contact with them rather than with the dominator. A lot of times and I've noticed myself doing this is that if someone is dominating a meeting and I'm talking, I tend to talk. You can also.
Speaker 1:Here's another little trick If you're going into a meeting and you've got somebody that's a dominator maybe it's a volunteer, it could be even another staff person here's a trick Try sitting right next to the dominator, as maybe the lack of eye contact can maybe discourage them from talking a little too much. Don't be afraid to redirect the discussion when the dominator stops talking. Give them a minute, wait until they catch their breath. Maybe just slow down a little bit, catch their eyes, hold up your hand and say that's a really good point, but then look at somebody else and say what do you think? Keep batting the ball around so that you can get others involved in the conversation Another way and I always hate this if I'm the person in the group but call on specific people.
Speaker 1:If a dominator is interrupting others or answering every question, you might just say hey Joe, I know she haven't been, you've been pretty quiet over there. What are you thinking? What are you thinking? And then, finally, if you find that you've got a dominator that just bulldozes through meetings, bulldozes other volunteers or your team, if this behavior persists and you're just not able to use these other steps to work with them, you may just need to talk with them privately. Be pastoral, be respectful, but also there's a time for honesty and being direct. Explain how their behavior is affecting the group dynamics, how it's affecting the outcomes. Ask them to help you to create more space and opportunity for others to share and contribute, and you can also ask them to use their gifts in other ways, such as mentoring or serving or leading a subgroup.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing about dominators. Sometimes they're the smartest people in the room. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes they have a lot of knowledge. Sometimes they just think they have a lot of knowledge. Sometimes they know they're dominating. A lot of times they don't. A dominator can really take over and do a lot of damage If you, as the leader, do not step in and make sure that you deal with them well, treat them with respect. They may not be doing, they may not even have self-awareness to know how they're coming across to others in the group. But if you really want to have a good, healthy group, you've got to deal with the dominators. You just have to. All right, tomorrow, stick around. Tomorrow we're going to talk about the Dodger. You won't want to miss it. Subscribe so that you don't miss tomorrow's episode and we will talk to you tomorrow.
