Fattening Up Your Fellow Church Staff Member for the Kill

In this episode of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast, Todd Rhoades discusses manipulation and undermining behaviors within church staff dynamics. He argues for the necessity of transparency, self-reflection, and a supportive environment to counter such harmful practices. 

Topics Discussed:

- The occurrence of manipulation and undermining behaviors in the church setting.

- Identifying and addressing moral shortcomings, even those masked under a guise of responsibility and concern.

- The importance of transparency and self-reflection in recognizing and rectifying such behaviors.

Key Takeaways:

- Church leaders carry the responsibility of creating a supportive and collaborative environment within their teams.

- Unhealthy competition needs to be eradicated, with a shift towards fostering a spirit of productive cooperation.

- Effective management of church staff dynamics requires ongoing reflections about behaviors and relationships.

Call to Action:

- Church leaders should actively encourage positive interactions among staff members.

- Channels for regular reflection and discussion should be established, allowing staff to evaluate their relationships and behaviors.

References:

Connect with Todd

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Chemistry Staffing Blog

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hi there, my name is Todd Rhodes and you're listening to the Healthy Church Staff podcast. I hope you had a great weekend. It's Monday. I'm one of the co-founders over at Chemistry Staffing and every weekday we are here on the Healthy Church Staff podcast to guide you along, encourage you through your journey as you minister and work in your church. So today we've got an interesting title. It's called Fattening Up your Fellow Church Staff Member for the Kill. That's intriguing, right, but it comes from a story that's ripped from the headlines, I think about two or three years ago.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Now I'm told that this story is true. It was in the news, but I'm assuming it's true and I'm going to say it's true because it's a great story, or at least an interesting story that we can learn from, hopefully, today. So here's the deal. There are three sisters Penny, charlie and Maggie. And Penny is the middle sister and she's about to get married and she's going to have both Maggie and Charlie, her younger and older sister, in the wedding. But Penny has always been jealous. Being the middle sister, she always felt like everybody was like Marsha, marsha, marsha, and so Penny feels like she's Jan. So she comes up with this kind of elaborate plan birthed out of her jealousy toward her younger and her older sisters. And what she does? Here's what she does. Okay, first she picks out her bridesmaid's dresses and their neon yellow and she told her sisters that she was going to go for a party. Look, but deep down, she was just thrilled that the dresses made her sisters look a little bit washed out and slightly ill, according to Penny. But she didn't just start with. Of course, the bride was going to wear a very tasteful dress, so she would look great. But she didn't stop there. Evidently, these three sisters were still living at home and she decided that she was going to make her sisters a special breakfast smoothie every morning, and she did this for the months leading up to the wedding and she told them she wanted to do this for them because she wanted them to be healthy and fit for the wedding. So she was using a special weight loss powder in the smoothies, but really what she was doing, she was adding a weight gain powder into the smoothies that she had gotten from a local fitness store, all while she was making hers with just coconut water and fruit. So you can see. You can see where this is going and it actually worked, according to the story, both sisters needed to have their dresses altered before the wedding and the bride looked great compared to her two sisters, and that's what she was going for.

Speaker 1: 2:51

This fattening up your sister story happens all the time in the church. You think, okay, todd, you're really stretching it here, you're really trying to make something out of a story that makes there's no comparison. But listen, comparing this to the fears and the jealousies and the competition that I've seen over the years among many church staff, it's just, it's true, it happens even on a church staff, and it's called covering your butt. It's called making yourself look good at the expense of others. Another way to look at it it's throwing other people, other staff members, under the bus. Just throwing them under the bus, the act of blaming someone else, a lot of times unfairly, to divert responsibility from yourself. And we've all been, I say it all the time. But if you've been in ministry longer than five minutes, you've probably seen this here or there, you've probably been run over or maybe you were even driving the bus, and that's what we're going to talk about today. But this is just pure manipulation. Pure manipulation what I would like to talk about really briefly today. Because first I think we need to look at ourselves. Some real good introspection on a Monday morning is always good. You might be Penny, you might be the middle sister, the one that feels like Jan all the time. It's not uncommon, it happens all the time. Just like the bride Penny who manipulated her sisters so that she could look and feel more attractive than they are. Just like that bride.

Speaker 1: 4:25

A lot of times, church staff members might engage in actions that undermine their peers, and this comparison highlights the importance of recognizing when efforts to make yourself look better or harming your team and the overall health and unity of your church. These behaviors this covering your butt, this throwing other people under the bus not only a road trust in morale, but they're also going to detract from your church's mission by focusing on your personal gain rather than collective success, and they indicate really a lack of accountability and a failure to embrace a team-oriented mindset. So how are you with this whole accountability thing and just taking the rap when you need to take the rap? Do you find that you're throwing other people under the bus? Are you setting other people up for failure? Are you trying to make other people look bad so that you look good or make other people look bad so you don't look bad. If so, you might be flattening up your fellow church staff member for the kill, just like Penny. What do you do? What do you do?

Speaker 1: 5:39

I think the first thing you need to do and this is a great thing to do on Monday, I love to do this on Monday it's just some self-evaluation. Have you been driving the bus as I've been talking? Is there anybody that comes to your mind, anybody that you've been fattening up, so to speak? Anybody you've been driving the bus over? At least you've got them in your sights, if anybody comes to mind.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Now's a great time to just really evaluate what's going on, what your actions are, if you need to take accountability, if you need to apologize, if you need to take responsibility when things go bad, take responsibility. But it's really important because this is really a personality thing. I think some personalities are more prone to it than others. But you just have to realize if you're doing it, and sometimes, if you don't take the time to evaluate, you never know until it's too late. And the way it's too late is because somebody just comes up and says maybe you just threw me under the bus, and then it's too late.

Speaker 1: 6:43

So here's my call to action for you today, on this Monday Evaluate where you are. Are you penny in any area of your church ministry? Are you fattening anybody up? Are you driving over everybody with that big fat bus? If so, today's the day to start making it right. We'll be back again tomorrow, right here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Thanks for listening, and if you have a topic that you would like for me to discuss here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast, you can always reach out to me. Or just some feedback. Reach out to me anytime at podcast at chemistrystaffingcom.