Navigating Ministry When Your Spouse Dislikes Your Church

What if your spouse doesn't love the church that’s at the center of your ministry? Many pastors and church staff grapple with this challenging reality that can strain both their professional and personal lives. Join me, Todd Rhoades, co-founder of Chemistry Staffing, on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast as we tackle this sensitive issue. We promise you'll walk away with practical strategies for nurturing your marriage amid ministry challenges, including how to validate your spouse's feelings and maintain open, honest communication.

During this episode, we dig into the complexities of aligning your spouse's needs with your calling. You'll gain insights into connecting your spouse to the church community, setting healthy work-home boundaries, and exploring professional counseling if necessary. Remember, your marriage is your most vital ministry asset; prioritizing it benefits both your personal happiness and your professional success. Tune in for a heartfelt discussion that could offer the support you need to navigate these turbulent waters.

Have questions or comments? Send to podcast@chemistrystaffing.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hey there, welcome to the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. I'm Todd Rhodes, one of the co-founders over at chemistrystaffingcom, and today we're going to dive into kind of a delicate topic, an often unspoken challenge that many pastors and church staff face, and that's when your spouse doesn't love your church. Okay, so we all know that ministry is a family affair. It's not just a job you clock in and out. Of. It's a calling that really permeates every aspect of your life, including your family and, ideally, your spouse, whether you're a guy and it's your wife, whether you're a gal and it's your husband, hopefully your spouse. Ideally, your spouse would be your biggest supporter, your partner in ministry and your fellow cheerleader for the church. But what happens when that's not the case? What if your spouse does not like your church? What if your spouse dreads Sundays? What if they roll their eyes at church events or even criticizes the leadership or the congregation or the overall direction of the ministry? I hear this all the time. A lot of times spouses will get really turned off to the church and even really struggle with their Christian walk because of the way that the church treats you as an employee. It could be any number of reasons, but it can be a lonely, frustrating and even heartbreaking experience. You feel torn between your love of your spouse and your commitment to your calling. Should I stay? Should I go? Maybe you love the church and she just does not like it at all. Maybe it's a great fit for you, but it's not for her or him. You might question your own judgment and your decision to work at the church, or even your spouse's faith at times. But I want you to know that you're not alone. I hear this story quite often. Many pastors and church staff members have faced this challenge, and it's complex. It's easy. I can't give you any easy answers, but here are a few steps that I think will help you navigate the situation with grace and wisdom and hope. And maybe it's not you, maybe it's somebody that you're working with that is in this situation, and maybe you can offer some advice to them or give them the link to this podcast so that they can listen. So here are a few tips.

Speaker 1: 2:37

First of all, it's really important to understand your spouse's perspective and to listen Listen with empathy. What are their specific concerns or their specific frustrations? Are they feeling unheard? Are they feeling undervalued? Are they spiritually unfulfilled? Listen to them and find out exactly where the problems lie and then, second of all, validate their feelings. You're not going to get anywhere in your marriage if you tell your spouse that what they're feeling isn't real. Don't dismiss their feelings, don't try to minimize their concerns, their perceptions or their reality. So let them know that you hear them and that you care about their experience and then communicate open and honestly.

Speaker 1: 3:27

You've got to keep that line of communication open. You've got to continually talk to your spouse about your own experiences at the church Share hey, this is what God's called me to do, this is my passion for ministry, this is my vision for the future and openly express the way you're feeling God working both in your church and in your life. And then, if you can listen, if you can tell them that you understand, if you keep that open line of communication, then you can start really at that point. If you don't do those things, you can't get here, but if you do those things, you can get to the point where you can start to explore some solutions together, brainstorm some ideas to address your spouse's concerns. Maybe they're just not connected, maybe they need to try and get connected to a different ministry. Maybe they need to set better boundaries between work and home life. Maybe you need to go and seek some counseling together. Maybe that'll help. But start to. If your communication is open, start to explore some of those solutions together. If your communication is open, start to explore some of those solutions together.

Speaker 1: 4:27

And as you go through this, you do need to prioritize your marriage. I've seen people that have lost their marriage over this very issue. The husband or the wife was so in love with the church almost more in love with the church than they were with their spouse and it just did not end well. So remember your marriage is your most important ministry asset. Don't let church conflicts or disagreements damage the relationship that you have with your spouse and make time for each other. Prioritize your connection and again, seek some of that help and counseling if you need, and then pray together. Ask God for wisdom and guidance and unity. Pray for your church and your spouse and your marriage.

Speaker 1: 5:06

And sometimes, sometimes there needs to be a change. Sometimes you need to find a place of ministry where you can serve and your spouse feels at home and passionate about. Sometimes that's what needs to happen. Other times you're able to work through it. So the bottom line for today is, hey, when your spouse hates your church. Needless to say, it's a challenging situation and it's going to require some patience and understanding, but it's also going to require a commitment to communication and some compromise. You need to remember to prioritize your marriage and try and seek those solutions together.

Speaker 1: 5:46

You are not alone in the struggle. You need to remember to prioritize your marriage and try and seek those solutions together. You are not alone in this struggle. You are not. I know. Whatever situation you're in, you're probably feeling man. I think I feel like I'm the only person that's ever ever felt like this or ever had to deal with this situation. And let me tell you you're not. I've heard every story in the book and this is one that I hear quite often where someone will say my wife's not really happy. Or we've even heard hey, my wife's not attended church for the last six months because she's so disconnected or upset, and those are just not good situations to be in. So you're not alone. Many churches and church staff have walked this road before you.

Speaker 1: 6:28

Hopefully, some of these tips will help you. A conversation with me would be helpful to you as well, or maybe some ongoing coaching. Feel free to reach out to me. You can reach me anytime at podcast at chemistry staffing dot com. Alright, I hope this episode has offered a little bit of encouragement, maybe some practical advice for navigating this complex situation. If you know somebody that's in this situation, go ahead and send them a link to this podcast. Maybe this will help them as well. All right, thanks so much for joining us for the healthy trip stand podcast. My name is tom droves. Hope you're enjoying this again next time, right here on the podcast.