Disagree and Grow: How Emotional Maturity Transforms Conflict in Your Church

What if church conflict could be a catalyst for growth and innovation instead of division and dysfunction? Discover how emotionally mature leadership can transform disagreements into opportunities for deeper understanding and collaboration. Join Todd Rhoades, co-founder of Work Chemistry, on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast as he unpacks the essentials of self-awareness, feedback openness, respectful communication, and the willingness to compromise in navigating church conflicts.

Learn how to handle your own triggers, actively listen to differing viewpoints, and maintain respectful dialogue to lower the intensity of disagreements. Todd shares real-life experiences and practical strategies that can help any church leader foster a healthier, more thriving church environment. Tune in to gain insights that will equip you to manage conflicts with grace and wisdom, turning potential challenges into moments of growth.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hi there, oh boy, we're going to talk about church conflict today disagreements, different perspectives, opinions, experiences. We're going to dive into a topic that is as inevitable as it is uncomfortable Disagreements, church conflict. Stick around for today's edition of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Hi there, my name is Todd Rhodes. I'm one of the co-founders of Work Chemistry, staffing and your host for the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. All right, now conflict. Let's just start here, because we're just going to, just you and me we're going to talk today.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Okay, conflict is obviously a natural part of any relationship and the church is not excluded. That includes inside the church. Matter of fact, I always say if you've been in ministry longer than five minutes, you've probably experienced some kind of conflict. We all have different perspectives and opinions and experiences and sometimes those differences clash, believe it or not. But how we handle those disagreements can make really all the difference between having a healthy, thriving church and one that is absolutely mired in division and dysfunction. It really depends on how you handle the hard times and the conflicts, and that's where emotional maturity comes in. In fact, it's not just about keeping your cool in a heated discussion, it's about recognizing that disagreement doesn't have to be destructive. In fact, if you handle disagreement and conflict with grace and wisdom, conflict can actually be a really great catalyst for growth and innovation and deeper understanding. Let me dive into I'd like to dive into this emotional maturity thing today. And what does that look like in the face of disagreement? When there's a disagreement, how do you turn that into a positive, rather than oh my goodness, another conflict, I've got to confront somebody, or we have to deal with this, or, oh, not again. How do you turn this into potentially a positive? And I think a lot of it has to do with how you handle it and how you're able to do it with emotional maturity. So let's look at a few of these key characteristics that I think are helpful when you come to dealing with conflict in the church.

Speaker 1: 2:25

The first one is self-awareness. If you're an emotionally mature leader, you probably understand your own triggers and your own biases and your own emotional reactions, matter of fact, kind of what pushes your buttons, and maybe other people know what pushes your button, what things push your buttons as well. Maybe they're just not inadvertently, maybe they're on purpose pushing your buttons. But if, as a leader, if you know what triggers you and what your biases are and what your initial gut reactions are. Then you're able to because you're a little bit more self-aware than the average bear you're able to step back, assess the situation objectively and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. Some of the conflicts that I've had that have turned bad are because both myself and the other person did not do this. We didn't respond thoughtfully. We actually went at each other very reactively, and those kind of conflicts never go well.

Speaker 1: 3:29

So the first thing is self-awareness. The second is openness to feedback. Are you willing to listen to opposing viewpoints, even if you don't agree with them? Emotionally mature leaders recognize that they don't have all the answers and the others may have valuable insights to offer. And this is really hard sometimes. But it's very important to hear at least listen to people and hear them out. That in and of itself a lot of times will bring the conflict from, say, a hundred on a score of one to 10, that down to a seven or an eight maybe anyway. So you know what I'm talking about. Just listening to each other is one of the keys, that open communication is one of the keys to making sure that things don't escalate from slow to fast, really quickly, okay. The third is respectful communication. Not only are you open to feedback, but an emotionally mature leader is able to communicate their own perspectives clearly but respectfully, not resorting to personal attacks, not resorting to inflammatory language, not raising their voice, but they listen actively to others and they seek to understand. Again going back to that openness to feedback, seek to understand their concerns and their motivations.

Speaker 1: 4:50

And, number four, a willingness to compromise. If you are an emotionally mature leader, you are not afraid to find, or to try to find, some common ground or to make some concessions when necessary. You understand that compromise doesn't mean sacrificing Most of the time. Honestly, again, we're just talking. Most of our conflicts are not on theology. Some of them are, but most of them are not on theology. Some of them are, but most of them are not on theology. Most of them are not on things that are my way or the highway, or do not have any room for compromise or sacrifice. Try to find some creative solutions and honor both sides of an issue. Just because you compromise doesn't mean that you lost or that things aren't going to go well. Matter of fact, compromise is something that absolutely has to happen most of the time. And then, lastly, focus on solutions rather than the problem. Instead of just dwelling on the problem that's causing the conflict and the angst, rather than assigning blame, focus on solutions that will move both your relationship and the church forward. If you're willing to collaborate and brainstorm and work together towards a common goal, the chances are greatly increased that you're going to end up on the other side of this conflict in a very positive note, rather than a very negative note.

Speaker 1: 6:10

Now developing this emotional maturity, as I'm calling it. It's not a quick fix. It takes time and effort. It takes a willingness to learn and to grow, but the benefits are immeasurable. When church leaders model this emotional maturity, it really creates a ripple throughout the entire church, your entire team, your entire staff, your entire board, the entire church, your entire team, your entire staff, your entire board. Fostering a culture of respect and understanding and collaboration is just absolutely huge.

Speaker 1: 6:41

So here's the bottom line. Here's what I would love for you to take away from today. And maybe you're right in the midst, maybe you're neck deep in some kind of a disagreement or a conflict. The encouraging thing I want to tell you today is that disagreements do not have to be destructive. I know it may seem like that now, but they don't have to be destructive.

Speaker 1: 7:01

Take another listen to this podcast. Listen to those five things the self-awareness, the openness to feedback, the respectful communication, the willingness to compromise and the ability to focus on solution. Listen to the podcast again. Take some notes on how you can do that. Maybe in the current disagreement or conflict that you have with maybe another staff member or a board member or somebody in your church, and by embrace I really believe this by embracing this emotional maturity we can really have it doesn't work all the time, but we can really have a greater chance to transform this conflict that we're currently in into an opportunity for growth and innovation and a deeper connection.

Speaker 1: 7:43

Hey, if you're dealing with conflict in your church, that you just you're at your wits end. You think you have this emotional maturity, but it's just not. It's not just not working and you just want somebody that doesn't have a dog in your fight to listen. I would love to have a conversation with you and maybe set up some coaching sessions if it would be helpful. You can reach out to me anytime at podcastchemistry staffingcom. I'm here to help you navigate some of these complexities. I've been in ministry for I stopped counting, but it's 35 years, I think. So I've been there, done that, seen a lot, nothing really surprises me. I would love to hear your story and help you through. If you need somebody else to talk to, so podcastchemistrystaffingcom. I appreciate you listening and we will be back here again tomorrow on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Hope you have a great day.