We Told Our Staff to ‘Be Real’—But Only When It’s Encouraging
•Todd Rhoades•Season 1•Episode 387
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Church staff cultures often preach authenticity but practice a harmful form of toxic positivity where only positive, polished vulnerability is acceptable. This creates environments where staff learn to mask real issues with "I'm fine" responses, critique becomes spiritualized rather than addressed, and genuine struggles remain hidden behind forced smiles.
• Toxic positivity manifests when complaints are labeled divisive instead of diagnostic • Staff learn unspoken rules: don't bring negativity or uncomfortable questions • Many staff members perform rather than expressing genuine feelings • Biblical precedent supports honest expression - "If David could write Psalm 88, your staff should be able to say 'I'm struggling'" • Leaders must model authenticity by admitting when they're tired, sad or uncertain • Starting meetings with what's real rather than just what's good builds trust • Celebrating courage in truth-telling creates psychological safety • A healthy church culture isn't afraid of addressing hard truths, even when they're not positive
Reach out if you need help addressing toxic positivity in your church staff culture at Podcast@chemistrystaffing.com.
What happens when your church encourages authenticity , but only if it's upbeat , inspiring and Instagram ready . In this episode of the podcast , we're going to dig into the hidden harm of toxic positivity . Toxic positivity , yes , believe it or not . In church staff cultures are the kind that smiles through the burnout and praises honesty until it gets uncomfortable . All right , we're going to talk about that today here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast . Thanks so much for joining me . My name is Todd Rhodes , I'm one of the co-founders over at chemistrystaffingcom and I'm your host right here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast . Healthy Church Staff Podcast .
Speaker 1
Have you ever sat in a church staff meeting and thought , if I say what I'm really feeling , I might not have a job tomorrow ? Churches love the idea of being real , right , Until somebody is Ouch and suddenly sometimes it's just too much . Let's talk about the culture of toxic positivity and why pretending that everything's blessed and highly favored might actually be killing your staff culture from the inside out . Okay , let's be real , but
only if you smile . Churches often preach authenticity , but only practice it when it's polished . When staff are encouraged to be real , they quickly learn the unspoken rule don't bring negativity , questions or emotions that make people uncomfortable . That's not authenticity , that's curated vulnerability . Okay , so you can talk about your struggle , just make sure it has a bow around it by the end of the staff meeting . That's what's being said , right ? It by the end of the staff meeting ? That's what's being said , right . Let's look at some signs , though , that your staff culture might be suffering from this . Your staff culture actually might be drenched in what I'm calling toxic positivity Team members that say I'm fine , everything's good , nothing to see here , even when they're not , and when critique is softened , dodged or spiritualized . That's one of the first reasons , or one of the first warning signs , that you might have toxic positivity on your team . Again , when critique is softened , when it's dodged or when it's spiritualized . Here are a couple others when complaints are labeled as divisive instead of diagnostic , when the only positive feedback is allowed in evaluations , this doesn't build .
Speaker 1
These kind of things don't just build unity . They breed fear and shame and silence , and people learn to mask real issues . They just won't speak up if they have a concern or if there's anything that's not remotely positive about what they want to share , and that's really how leaders begin to lose trust , without even ever realizing it . So most staff people don't feel like they can bring the same energy to staff prayer that they felt Sunday night in tears over ministry burnout . They're performing and they know it , and we've created cultures where optimism is expected and lament is , quite frankly , it's unwelcome .
Speaker 1
But let's get real for a second . If David could write Psalm 88 , your staff should be able to say I'm struggling , without fear of reprisal . So how do you
fix this ? If this is kind of where you are , if everybody on your staff team , when you can't remember the last time that somebody just said , hey , here's a constructive criticism , and weren't met with just being beat over the head , or if you just have that kind of culture and you don't know what to do ? Here's an idea to help create a culture that welcomes all kinds of opinions and all kinds of criticisms without fear of retribution .
Speaker 1
And this is , I know , todd , this is easier said than done , but I'm going to give you a few ways to do it , and the first one is probably the hardest , I think , and that's to model it yourself . Are you tired , are you sad ? Are you uncertain ? Did something not work out ? Admit it . Admit it Not just to yourself , but to your team .
Speaker 1
This kind of authenticity starts at the top , or at least starts with you . So you need to model it yourself and by doing that , what you're going to do is you're going to normalize , or at least start to help to normalize , this attitude of lament and honesty . Start meetings with what's real , not what's good , and sometimes , because ministry is messy , we just have to make room for messy and you're going to be able to build trust by not rushing to fix or spin everything . Everything doesn't need to be spun into this is the best thing . God is doing such great things . God is doing great things , but sometimes you have to have real conversations and another thing you could do is just reward truth-telling , rather than if somebody has something that's true but it's a hard truth . Celebrate that , celebrate the courage that it took to share , more than any kind of charisma that comes from just saying that everything is great Because , remember , encouragement is important but forced positivity great Because , remember , encouragement is important but forced positivity it's a mask and it will not serve you well in ministry .
Okay , here's my final takeaway , my big idea , if you would for the day A healthy church staff culture is not afraid of the hard stuff If your team can't be real , even when it's raw , even when it's not overly positive , then your encouragement might be doing more harm than good your encouragement , let me say it like that . Okay , if this hits close to home , I'd love to hear from you . Tell me what the culture is in your church . Tell me what you're doing to deal with it . Maybe you just say , todd , I need a little bit of help in this area . That's some of the work that I do here at Chemistry and love to be able to partner with you . Reach out to me anytime and we can have a conversation Podcast at chemistrystaffingcom . All right , thanks so much . Hope you're back here again tomorrow . And if this is an area that you're really struggling with either you personally at being able to share and be honest , or just with your team , take some of these steps today and remember it starts with you . You .
