When Loyalty Becomes Toxic

In this episode of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast, Todd Rhoades explores the concept of 'toxic loyalty' in church ministries. He emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy loyalty, which supports the mission, and toxic loyalty, which prioritizes personal relationships at the expense of team morale and effectiveness. Todd stresses the need for accountability, timely difficult conversations, and regular evaluations to prevent toxic loyalty from harming the church culture. He concludes with a call to understand that true loyalty involves making tough decisions for the greater good.• Loyalty can turn from a virtue to a trap in ministry contexts.• Toxic loyalty prioritizes personal relationships over the mission.• Failing to address underperformance can demoralize the team and hinder innovation.• Holding people accountable is crucial and not disloyal.• Difficult conversations and regular evaluations are essential to maintain objectivity.• True loyalty means making tough calls for the mission's sake, not avoidance.

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Chapters

• 0:08 The Virtue Turned Trap
• 0:41 Defining Toxic vs Healthy Loyalty
• 1:49 The Cost of Keeping the Wrong Person
• 3:20 Hard Conversations and Realignment
• 4:30 Loyalty vs Avoidance Clarified
• 5:16 Listener Challenge and Contact

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:08

Now don't get me wrong, loyalty is a good thing until it isn't. And in ministry, loyalty can quietly shift from being a virtue to a trap. Here's what I mean.

SPEAKER_01: 0:21

When leaders feel obligated to people who are no longer healthy or helpful or aligned, the entire team is gonna pay the price. And today on the podcast, we're gonna unpack what I call toxic loyalty and how to spot it, what it costs you, and what courageous loyalty really looks like. Hi there, my name is Todd Rhodes, one of the co-founders over at chemistrystaffing.com, and you're listening to the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Loyalty is one of the most admired traits in ministry. But let's look at the dark side of loyalty. Yeah, there really is a dark side. What happens when it starts to rock culture instead of build it? We're gonna talk about a hidden leadership issue that's hurting a lot of church teams, and that's toxic loyalty. It sneaks up and sneaks in very quietly, but it leaves a trail of burnout and stagnation and missed opportunities. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. And let's talk first of all, as I open up about this topic, about the line between healthy loyalty and toxic loyalty. Okay? Healthy loyalty is based on shared mission and trust and mutual growth. Toxic loyalty, on the other hand, is loyalty to a person over the mission. When you start making excuses for somebody who's constantly underperforming, when you defend someone out of your history with them or out of obligation rather than the current value that they bring to the team, that, my friend, is toxic loyalty. And you might be in a toxic loyalty territory if any of those things are that I just mentioned are really resonating with you. It's not disloyal to hold people accountable. Okay? Let me repeat that. I think that's really important. Because it goes against what we've always thought, right? It is not disloyal to hold people accountable. It's actually more loyal to the mission of the church, to them, and to the rest of the team when you do hold accountable. Alright, so there is a high cost of keeping the wrong person. And I run a staffing company, so I know this. I talk with churches all the time that have kept the wrong person too long. One toxic loyal relationship can stall innovation and it can demoralize your entire staff team. The truth is, others are watching you. They're watching how you lead and they're watching what you tolerate. And toxic loyalty, when you hold on to this person out of relationship because you're not willing to confront, it can build resentment, especially if this one person keeps getting grace while the others are being held accountable. And this happens quite often. Eventually, people will leave not because of one bad team member, but because you've kept them too long. All right, Todd Thanks. It's all butterflies and rainbows here today on the podcast. How do I navigate loyalty without losing integrity?

unknown: 3:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 3:30

That's a good question. It's a hard conversation. It starts with the really hard conversations. And you can't be afraid to have hard conversations early on. You can't wait until the damage is done. You really need to hop in there with conversation. And I know some of us are just so adverse to having hard conversations, but you need to have the hard conversations early and clarify the difference between honoring their history and tolerating any dysfunction that's currently on the table. Regular evaluations can bring some objectivity into really emotionally complex relationships. And the thing here to remember is that loyalty should never ever become a blind spot. You can love somebody deeply and still recognize that they may no longer be the right fit for this season. I'm talking with somebody this afternoon who that is exactly the case. They're a great person. They're just not a good fit for where they have been. So they're looking at different options. So here's the final thought for today. And this is really the clarification. If you take anything away from today's podcast, here's what I want you to think about. Don't confuse loyalty with avoidance, okay? Being loyal doesn't mean that you never have to make a tough call. That's not what loyalty is. Loyalty means protecting what matters most, even when it's hard. That's something totally different. I'd love to hear from you today. Here's the question for today, and you can reach out to me, podcast at chemistry staffing.com. Here's the question Have you ever seen toxic loyalty at work in a church? Maybe it's at work in your church right now, and it's driving you crazy. And you're not the one in charge, so you can't do much about it. Maybe you are the person in charge, and you're just like Todd, I don't. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, but I'm not sure what the next step is. Reach out to me. I'd love to have a conversation with you. My email address is podcast at chemistry staffing.com. All right, that's it for today. If you're listening to this or watching this on Friday, the day that it is released, I hope you have a great weekend, great weekend at church, and we'll be right back here on Monday with another episode of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Thanks so much and a great weekend.