S4-Episode 1: How Dysregulation Is Fuelling Your Struggle

What if your “lack of motivation,” “indecision,” or “overwhelm” isn’t personal failure…
but simply your nervous system trying to keep you safe?

In this episode, my co-host Sam Shrosbree and I break down one of the most misunderstood reasons smart, high-achieving people stay stuck: nervous system dysregulation.

You’re not lazy.
You’re not broken.
You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re dysregulated—and that changes everything.

We explore:

- What nervous system dysregulation actually looks + feels like

- Signs you're dysregulated (& might not know it)

- The hidden connection between procrastination, burnout, and survival mode

- How what happens in your mind affects your body

- How regulation leads to clarity, creativity, and forward movement

If you’re stuck in a cycle of starting, stopping, and second-guessing… this episode is a must.

🔁 Mentioned in This Episode:

🌀 The Re-Calibration – Our soon-to-launch 6-week group journey to help you reconnect with your body, regulate your nervous system, and move into spring with grounded energy and clarity.

→ Drop 'REGULATE' below or send me a DM to find out more @emmaobriencoach on Instagram

💬 Let’s Connect:

DM Emma @emmaobriencoach  or Sam @zenroom_at_thewoods for questions, insights, or to say this hit me.

✨ And if this episode resonated—please rate + review it so more folks can hear this message.

#nervoussystemhealing #womenscoaching #regulation #selfleadership #therecalibration #positivepsychology #innerwork #burnoutrecovery #mentalhealth #personalgrowth #personalgrowthjourney #personaldevelopment #selfaware #selfawareness #selfmastery #recalibrate #lifeguide #functionalmedicine #lifeguide

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

 Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

 DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Transcript

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Emma O'Brien: Hi, folks welcome to season. 4. Episode, one of the lemons and pineapples. Podcast this season's going in a bit of a new direction. The 1st few episodes are going to be shared with my very good friend and guest, Sam Shrosbury, who's a functional medicine health coach, and we're going to be doing quite a lot of work talking about the mind, body.

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Emma O'Brien: connection, and how we really have got to be looking after our minds and our bodies and bringing them into balance, to be really living our best lives and being our best selves.

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Emma O'Brien: And this episode, we're going to be talking about dysregulation.

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Emma O'Brien: I have lots of people come to me for coaching, as does Sam, who

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Emma O'Brien: you're coming for coaching, because something in life isn't working, and

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Emma O'Brien: often the 1st signs of that can be emotional dysregulation and nervous system dysregulation. But I don't think we're very attuned to understanding what that is how it shows up. So we're going to be talking about that today. So this will give you a bit of an understanding of how you might be dysregulated, but perhaps not even know about it. What emotional regulation is and isn't, and how to really start to tap into

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Emma O'Brien: listening to your nervous system, listening to your body, listening to your emotions. So you can start to get a bit more of a handle on what's happening. Often our internal dysregulation spills out into external dysregulation with our emotions, our health, our work, the way we're showing up the way things are happening for us. And when you can really understand that you can start to to change it so welcome, Sam.

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Sam Shrosbree: Thank you, Emma.

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Emma O'Brien: We are very excited, so these episodes will give you a bit of a tease. Into. We are coming. We're concocting something very special which will tell you a little bit more about the end. So, Sam, I'm going to ask you to kick off

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Emma O'Brien: by sharing what your take on nervous system. Dysregulation is, from a physiological point of view.

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Sam Shrosbree: So essentially our nervous systems are the parts of us that are communicating what is happening in our outside world to our bodies. And we also have this communication between our minds and our bodies that are happening within our bodies, and our nervous systems are essentially there to protect us. They are constantly scanning our environment, scanning everything that's going on around us and telling our bodies how to behave appropriately

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Sam Shrosbree: for the main aim of of survival.

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Sam Shrosbree: I think. Unfortunately, where we get stuck as humans is number one, our nervous systems are so overstimulated. There's just so much information coming to us.

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Sam Shrosbree: and we are encouraged to just be going and doing and be on all the time. So if we almost imagine a volume to our nervous systems, I feel like the human experience, especially in a busy city life, is pumped up to full volume, like heavy metal music playing all the time.

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Sam Shrosbree: You know, if our nervous systems are there mainly to protect us, and for survival they're very much more attuned to negative stimuli than positive. I think I read something actually, just this weekend that, said we, our nervous systems respond 70% more to

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Sam Shrosbree: negative stimuli than positive stimuli. So we almost wired for the negative as it is, which is all well and good. Even if we were animals still living in the wild, our nervous systems would be doing these kinds of things.

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Sam Shrosbree: I think, where humans become dysregulated is that we live in that high volume. Heavy metal. Go, go, and we never properly rest and never take the breaks to turn that volume back down to 0 and reset the nervous system back to resting state and begin again. So we oscillate at very, very high frequencies of our nervous systems.

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Sam Shrosbree: and when your nervous system is pumped up to that volume all the time, everything seems extra frightening and extra scary, like I'm sure everybody knows that experience where you frighten everything and everything makes you jump and everything makes you move quickly. And it's because your nervous system is on that high, high, alert.

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Sam Shrosbree: And yeah, I suppose we need to find ways of keeping that regulation going continuously throughout the day that we have the highs because the highs help us protect ourselves, get things done, but we also manage to have the lows to reset, gather our energies, come back to a resting state, and respond appropriately to stimuli that are coming at us, whether it's from the outside world or just within our minds.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, 100%. And I think you know, it's something you and I have talked about a lot off air. We have a program called the stress is the solution which we've been taking into corporate spaces. I think corporate corporate work is a very, very stressful environment. It's go go. There's high pressure. Everybody's on all the time. There's constant work overload all of the things that you and I like on a crusade to try and help people to.

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Emma O'Brien: I want to say, kick against, but we kind of are, but it's to help people learn that that isn't the norm. It shouldn't be the norm.

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Emma O'Brien: So

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Emma O'Brien: we talk about, I think nervous systems in terms of fight or flight. People will be very familiar with those 2 states of nervous system dysregulation. So if you're constantly feeling anxious, you're constantly worried about things. You're constantly looking out for threats which unfortunately, are not lions, tigers, and bears. They're bloody emails coming in.

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Emma O'Brien: and you know it's a deluge of them, and it's just existing is stressful. Or if you're in a state of constant reactivity.

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Emma O'Brien: of getting angry at the slightest thing totally overreacting. That is the I mean. It's a perfect sign of a nervous system that is out of whack. If you can't cope with small things. I think it's it's never one thing, is it? It's kind of stack of triggers that take people to the point of snapping when that final email comes in.

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Emma O'Brien: And the other state we've got, which I think is one that's often mentioned with nervous system stuff, but not really talked about that much which is freeze, which is where you actually are stuck in inactivity because you don't know which direction to go in. You don't know quite where to move or how to go anywhere.

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Emma O'Brien: and then it just builds the overwhelm because you procrastinate and you get

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Emma O'Brien: nothing done. And I think it's really helping people

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Emma O'Brien: a feel into where is my nervous system right now? Because I think we're all so out of touch with our bodies. And what's happening? We're just in coping mode.

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Emma O'Brien: Again, it's something you and I talk about. It's something I've talked about multiple times on the podcast I get very frustrated when people are medicated for their dysregulated nervous systems rather than being given the tools to say, this isn't normal. It isn't okay. And actually, there are ways that you can learn to regulate yourself. That don't involve medicating the symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system to shut it up.

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Emma O'Brien: Your reactivity, your overwhelm, your crying all the time, your inability to cope

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Emma O'Brien: is a sign that something needs to shift in life. It's not a sign that you need to medicate it to shut it up so you can just keep on going, and I know it's something we both come at from A, you know. I come at it from a very mindset point of view, and you come at it from a real physiological point of view. But the 2 have to be in balance fundamentally

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Emma O'Brien: so. Can you share from from your point of view, what are we looking out for? If we're talking about?

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Emma O'Brien: How would someone know physiologically that they've got a dysregulated nervous system.

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Sam Shrosbree: So from my side, I mean the majority of the people I engage with as a physiotherapist. Are people coming with the body aches and pains where their bodies are constantly feeling stiff and tense and sore. And there's no underlying, you know. Sometimes there is a mechanical

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Sam Shrosbree: issue, but a lot of the time they just have so tight, stiff bodies, and that's already almost you can. You can almost have a visual of seeing how somebody's body is on and ready to get into that fighting position, or that that hiding position.

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Sam Shrosbree: But even the patients that are coming in with their body aches and pains will often talk about a whole list of other things that are going on. I think fatigue is a huge thing.

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Sam Shrosbree: We're not meant to feel exhausted all the time, and I think there's that constant thing like, no matter how much I sleep, I just don't feel energized, and I think that's the 1st sign that's showing you even now getting your 8 h. Sleep is not enough to reset your nervous system, because it's been years of building up of all those

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Sam Shrosbree: thoughts and feelings and all the hormones associated with them. Headaches are big ones, hormone imbalances. So skin breaking out infertility issues

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Sam Shrosbree: ibs all the digestive issues big, big, and I think for you and I, I feel like that is that's something we have spoken about in your podcast before, I think that's the biggest link that you can start seeing between between mind and body. And even just not the things that people

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Sam Shrosbree: necessarily come to Physio complaining of, just the state that you see them arriving in Physio. It's like everyone's like flying in off the back of something else. They constantly checking their phones. They they check their watches. I need to be out of here by X amount of time, or that you'll be talking to them in the middle of a session. I'll just have a little snooze on the bed, because they're just so burnt out and exhausted. And

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Sam Shrosbree: yeah, I mean it always like you said it blows my mind. Whenever someone comes in for a treatment you get them to write a list of their medications that they're on.

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Sam Shrosbree: I would say 90% of the population are taking either an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety, and

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Sam Shrosbree: you cannot tell me that they probably are people that chemically need to be on a medication. But you can't tell me that 90% of the population needs to be medicating against these things, which either means we are very unwell as a society, or we aren't taught

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Sam Shrosbree: how to manage these things. And instead of thinking my body or my mind is trying to tell me something. How do I? How do I listen to this and listen to what it's trying to tell me and work with this? It's just like it would go away. I don't have time for this. I need to keep going and keep doing so. Let me just

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Sam Shrosbree: push it away. Numb it away. Press it down. Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, my experience and my personal experience has been that if you

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Emma O'Brien: don't listen to the physical symptoms and you don't pay attention to the fact that you aren't coping, that you're feeling overwhelmed. Your body will pull up the handbrake at some point. I've talked about it before. On on previous podcasts. I had an episode of burnout in 2016, where.

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Emma O'Brien: okay? I have a joke with some of my shaman friends. I am a typical capricorn. Right? I am. Go! Go! Do do in action. Let's be practical. I am not really someone who sits around crying.

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Emma O'Brien: I sat around crying. I'm on the floor crying because I felt so revolting, and I just everything was awful. It felt pointless. I couldn't cope, and I went to the Gp. And I literally got handed a prescription for some antidepressants. Here you are. You're depressed.

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Emma O'Brien: No questions of has something changed. And at the time I was making some huge changes in my business, which I think there was a lot that changed really fast, and that's what tipped me over the edge.

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Emma O'Brien: So I'm on some antidepressants. And I wasn't depressed, so it didn't help other than giving me insomnia, which then got medicated with sleeping tablets. And I thought, I'll hold the phone. There is a really big problem here, if you've just even nobody asked nothing. Box of pills and have some more pills to medicate the symptoms from the pills we've given you to feel better, which aren't working. And I tried to just push through.

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Emma O'Brien: I was in workaholic mode. So again we can talk about. There's so many underlying things that lead to burnout 0 boundaries. No planning with my business, no time off, because I was running with the belief system. If I stop, if I don't work. I don't make money. I can't stop. I mean, it's actually ridiculous when I think about it now. But

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Emma O'Brien: it was the reality I was in because I didn't know any better, so I tried to keep going through Burnout, and then I was lifting something to put it in my car, and I put my back out.

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Emma O'Brien: and I ended up in hospital for 3 days, and I remember sitting in hospital thinking, oh, shit.

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Emma O'Brien: I have potentially, really hurt myself, and I've now potentially rendered myself unable to work.

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Emma O'Brien: And then I just thought, has it been worth it

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Emma O'Brien: all of this hustling and running and trying to please everybody and all of the things I was doing to end up in hospital potentially with a permanent back injury.

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Sam Shrosbree: Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: And I just thought, what the hell have I been doing?

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Emma O'Brien: And it was a huge reality check for me thankfully. I don't know what I'd done to my back, but it wasn't anything permanent or serious, but it was a massive wake up! Call for me, and unfortunately those wake up calls sometimes come in the form of something more serious, especially the older you get heart attack, stroke cancer.

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Emma O'Brien: Nobody wants any of that. And unfortunately, when your health has been taken away from you.

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Sam Shrosbree: Yeah, there's no amount of money that can get that back.

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Sam Shrosbree: Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: And I think it's for me. This is why I've kind of been on this mission, is it? Doesn't have to be like that.

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Sam Shrosbree: One.

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Emma O'Brien: You can do something different. I think everybody's caught in this cycle of hustle. I've got to have this and work hard and achieve and achieve. But at the end of the day, if you're not happy, you're not healthy. You have no time with people that are important to you. What's the point?

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Emma O'Brien: No! What's that? Pointy.

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Sam Shrosbree: Yeah, I think that is exactly. The thing is we're not taught.

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Sam Shrosbree: We're not taught the opposite. We taught the achieve. And you've got to make money, and you've got to survive, and you've got to get ahead. But we're not taught the the rest, and recalibrate and reset and refuel the vehicle to to be able to do all those things.

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Sam Shrosbree: And I think maybe we sometimes battle to see the the long, the long game.

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Sam Shrosbree: and I think something else that you you hit on. There is. There's that saying, can you listen to the whispers before your body has to scream so yeah, the little things that I'm feeling tired, or I'm feeling a little bit bloated and digestive issues. I feel like I'm a little bit snappy, or I'm a little bit weaky all the time. Do you listen to those things before your body has to say, lady, stop! Otherwise I'm going to put you in hospital and make you think about what you are doing.

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Emma O'Brien: Absolutely a hundred percent. That's it. But I think it is. It's having that level of self-awareness

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Emma O'Brien: to be able to say like you've said,

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Emma O'Brien: I'm feeling really quite sad a lot of the time, and this isn't normal for me. But I actually think a lot of people have lost touch with what's normal, and it is a 2 week holiday is not enough. You can reset for 2 weeks, but I guarantee, if you haven't shifted all of the stuff that's causing the overwhelm. What's the is John Cabot-zinn with his book? Wherever you go, there you are. It's just as you can go on a 2 week holiday to Bali, but you take yourself with you. Unfortunately.

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Sam Shrosbree: And you're gonna be.

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Emma O'Brien: Sitting in Bali. Go! Oh, my God! I've got all this work to do so unless you start to shift your mindset and start to make some lifestyle changes. It doesn't ever go away, and a holiday isn't enough. It has to be.

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Emma O'Brien: It has to be long term shifts, and I think the thing with that is, they don't have to be enormous and all in one go. They can be incremental like if you're starting to listen to.

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Emma O'Brien: I'm not feeling so great I can't focus. I'm feeling tired, even though I've slept for me. When I went to the Physio, after I'd got out of hospital with my back, wasn't you? It was a different Physio. But she said, obviously, she says to me.

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Emma O'Brien: this back has been telling you for a while. It's not quite right, hasn't it? It didn't just go twang out of nowhere, did it, and I went. No, you are completely correct. It's been tweaking and twinging and hurting for a while, and I just went. I'll push through, and unfortunately you it's not the answer. The answer is to go hang on a minute. There's something not right here.

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Emma O'Brien: I'm going to make the time to address it. And this is something that we're very excited. We've put together a 6 Week Group coaching program, which is called the Recalibration, which we are going to be launching very soon, where we're actually going to be taking you on a journey

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Emma O'Brien: to help you really start to learn to listen to what's happening internally for you. We're going to be helping you to incrementally and gently and manageably make changes

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Emma O'Brien: so that you don't end up falling off the edge of the Burnout cliff. You know we talk about everybody has to go. We all have to go to work. We all have to make money. We all have to do things to be able to pay to exist. That's the reality. You can't just go and live in a cave somewhere, but it's about.

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Emma O'Brien: Where do we find the joy in life? Where do we find the rest? Where do we find the nurturing. Where do we find the connection with ourselves and with other people? Because really, I think the human experience is really about who you're experiencing it

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Emma O'Brien: with. If you don't have that.

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Emma O'Brien: you don't have anything really, that's where the real, the real value in it is.

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Emma O'Brien: Sam, can you share with us?

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Emma O'Brien: What's the easiest way that someone listening to this can go? This is really great. I'm completely dysregulated. But what the hell can I do about it right now. I can't. I don't have 15 min to go and meditate. I don't have.

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Emma O'Brien: I don't have time to do anything. So this is great that you're having this conversation, Emma and Sam. But what is one thing people can take away from this, and they can just go. Do.

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Sam Shrosbree: I think, even as you were talking. Now, if we come full circle back to the fact that we are animals, and our nervous systems are experiencing things all the time, and even animals in the wild have they probably have far more stressful lives than we do, nearly being eaten and having to actually go hunt for your food and not just go to the Woolworths, and they don't have to go and meditate and do daily check-ins, thinking, how's my stomach feeling today?

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Emma O'Brien: For the Ibs this morning. Bit gassy.

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Sam Shrosbree: It was a bit snacky with the other zebra.

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Sam Shrosbree: I mean, they just naturally

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Sam Shrosbree: constantly moving between those different states of nervous system. Their nervous systems know when they've got to be on where they've got to run away from being food or run to catch their food, and animals naturally do a thing where they go, and they shake their bodies around, and they literally shake off all those stress hormones.

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Sam Shrosbree: But that is probably the easiest thing that we can just do in our day to day life, whether you think you stress or not stressed or too much. Just go and literally shake off the day. At the end of the day. So when you come home, make it make it joyful. Put on some music, do a little razzle around the kitchen and just literally move your body, because, you know.

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Sam Shrosbree: I think we'll we'll cover this along the way. But emotions are energy in motion, so just moving literally shifts that stuff around that it doesn't sit in your body and will. Your body is not going to be dancing around, having fun, laughing, smiling, if you are in danger. So.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah.

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Sam Shrosbree: Physical movement. If you can laugh and enjoy it while you're doing it is probably the simplest and easiest way to to do these things, and I would imagine something the whole family would enjoy doing.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think it can be as simple as, and it's something something I know I do. The easiest way to obviously shift stress in your body, and also to shift your mood is to put crank up the tunes. Something happy, folks, please. Okay, no point putting a depressing song on if you want to feel better.

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Emma O'Brien: put a happy song on, and just have a bit of a boogie for a couple of minutes, and it will reset your nervous system and shift you into a more positive, optimistic frame of mind. It can be that easy.

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Emma O'Brien: Say, it doesn't have to be, or you've got to meditate quietly for 15 min. Clear your mind. It's nigh on. Impossible to do that. So what can you do to just have a you know you can do it in the car. Have a sing along to something on the way to work after a meeting while you're getting dressed in the morning. Put some funky music on, and just it will shift your mood. Have a bit of a boogie

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Emma O'Brien: and a guarantee. It will guarantee not often that you can actually guarantee something will help somebody. It will help you. I guarantee it. And we would love for you to share

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Emma O'Brien: your favorite songs, to do a bit of a boogie to you can pop us a DM. On Instagram. I've put both of our Instagrams are in the show notes. I'm at Emma O'briencoach. Yours Sam is.

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Sam Shrosbree: At Zen Room, afterwards.

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Emma O'Brien: Perfect, so they both pop us. Pop, whoever is your favorite chatter today you can pop us a message. We won't be comparing notes. Pop us a message, and let us know what your favorite song is to shift your shift, your mood, because I think it's always really interesting to hear what people love to listen to, and if you need a mood, boost put something happy on.

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Emma O'Brien: Have a boogie, and of course we are going to be very excited to invite you into our new recalibration course that is launching. You can pop pop us a DM. On Instagram. If you're interested in hearing more about that you can get on the waiting list. It's going to be launching in the next week or so.

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Emma O'Brien: And like, I say, we're going to be taking you through a journey with really easy practical tools, to help make your life better, to help you learn to regulate, to help you learn to

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Emma O'Brien: enjoy your experience of being human. More because I think that's what we're all really here to do.

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Sam Shrosbree: Wonderful! How exciting!

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Emma O'Brien: Thank you for joining me, Sam. It's great as always. Keep an eye folks. We've got a few more collaborative episodes coming up. We're going to be taking you on a bit of a journey with the podcast and thank you for listening. And I will see you, or we will see you in the next episode, bye, for now.