Confidence and Healing through Diverse and Inclusive Dance with The Dancing Life Coach™ P. Valerie Dauphin

Episode 22.  P. Valerie Dauphin is a healing-centered, trauma-informed Life-Mindset-Embodiment Coach (aka The Dancing Life Coach™), Author, and Founder of Feel Good Kick Ass™, where she coaches clients on fulfilling their dreams, desires, goals, and life vision.

Valerie has a background as a dance educator of mostly African and Latin Diasporic styles, teaching artist, dance company director, performing artist, fitness instructor, and athlete.

Her extensive movement background informs her coaching practice in that she guides her clients to feel and express through their bodies the mindsets and tangible changes they want to experience in their lives and in the world.

In this episode, you’ll hear how Valerie’s journey with dance helped heal a broken and insecure relationship with her body while helping her build the confidence to live life on her terms. We also discuss how her personal dance and movement journey unexpectedly morphed into a career.

Valerie also shares excerpts from her book "Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using Your Body to Rock Your Life" highlighting four confidence-enhancing lessons derived from almost 25 years of group dance and fitness  participation and how the dance floor serves as a microcosm for fulfilling life goals.

Finally, Valerie shares her thoughts on and experiences with racial diversity and inclusion in the dance space while offering suggestions for instructors and facilitators to recognize and remedy harms they may not even be aware they’re perpetuating in their classes.

Links  for Valerie:

Feel Good Kick Ass™ Website

Get Valerie’s Book:
Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence: Using  Your Body to Rock Your Life

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelgoodkickass

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pvaleriedauphin/

Understanding and Dismantling White Supremacy Culture Master Class

Create Any Change in Your Life Live Classes

Contact me at happysweatlife@gmail.com for questions, suggestions, or to be put on the email list and be notified of new episodes.

Find my World Groove movement zoom class on Thursdays, under my name,  at: https://theworldgroovemovement.com/virtual-search/

If you're interested in starting a podcast of your own, consider joining the SPI Community.  The All Access Pass, in particular, has a step by step course for starting a podcast which absolutely was key for creating and launching my podcast.  And equally important, I  made connections with other fellow entrepreneurs/podcasters.  If you do sign up through my affiliate link, I will receive a commission fee.  

Transcript

Lisa 0:09

Welcome to the Happy Sweat Life Podcast. My name is Lisa Rung, and today I'm very excited to be talking to P. Valerie Dufan. I probably didn't, I know we practiced this before, but I don't think I got it quite right, but she can correct me there. Do you want to say your

Valerie 0:25

Sure. It's Dauphin or English Dolphin. Oh yeah, Dauphin, Dauphin. Let's go with Dauphin.

Lisa 0:30

my gosh, okay. It's a beautiful last name.

Valerie 0:32

Thank you.

Lisa 0:33

So Valerie is a healing centered, trauma informed, life mindset embodiment coach. Dancer, author, and founder of the feel good kick ass, where she coaches clients on fulfilling their dreams, desires, goals, and life visions. Her background is as a dance educator of mostly African and Latin styles, a teaching artist, a dance company director, and fitness instructor, and forms her coaching in that she guides her clients to feel and express through their bodies. Valerie works with clients on a range of topics, including, but not limited to, creative expressions, work life harmony, dating and relationships, spiritual connection, career transitions, confident communications, setting boundaries, dismantling internalized Patriarchy and loving your life. So this is going to be a very interesting conversation. I'm very excited to talk with you today. So I'll start with the first question, which is what role did exercise and dance play in your life as you were growing

Valerie 1:44

Sure. I will start off by saying that I was artistically inclined from a very, like from the age of six. And I was into, into the performing arts. more so as a orator or a speaker. Even in kindergarten, I remember, or kindergarten and fourth grade, there was this narration extracurricular that we were doing. And I was like, Ooh, I want to be the narrator for the show. Right. And then in fourth grade, which is about the age of nine or ten, I started, my parents got me into piano. Then in school, I got into alto sax. And then in college, it was you know, a whole ensemble of West African drums. And I also did drumline. And so, you know, I say all that to like, I'm, I was like, naturally artistically inclined now where dance and exercise came in. So first I was also a student athlete. I started out as a cheerleader, I think in fourth grade. Then in junior high school to high school, it was volleyball. and even bowling. And so I'm just kind of giving you the tapestry, the backdrop of Valerie, right now, the dance and exercise specifically came in. So you know, as many of us do experience some traumatic experiences and I didn't have a way of processing or, or articulating or moving through that. So I developed an eating disorder. At the age of 10 and there was also a really, really hardcore OCD with that as well. And so that's when my mental health, emotional health challenges began. And with the with the eating disorder, because I was naturally physically active, there was this this other part of it where I would. I would purge through exercise. And so I would use exercise. That was my initial foray into exercise classes. And what I mean, mostly it was on ESPN. I'd be in the family room or in the basement. We had a finished basement. And then I record, it was, got a sweat with. Corey Evers, Everson, I think. And I, you know, I would use my mom's weights. So I actually started working out with dumbbells to lose weight. As a, you know, 10, 11 year old. And then, you know, part of, you know, I was doing so many ESPN classes. There was crunch fitness classes, and it was specifically in those classes where they would have a dance fitness component. And like the first time I took a jazz, had a jazz experience was to one of those recordings where this you know, this dance professional, Annie Nyland, I still remember her name, you know, was teaching a a fitness modified jazz. Dance class. And I was like, okay. And then there was another woman in crunch fitness. What was her name? Devorah Cooper. It's very interesting what you remember from so many years ago, Devorah Cooper was teaching hip hop fitness. And I was like, okay, so that's when The bug started. And then I transitioned from doing the tapings to my parents had a gym membership. I grew up in New York. Had a gym membership to bally fitness at the time and they added me to the family program. And so then I would go and I would do the step aerobics classes. I so confused, but I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm feeling this, this energy. And I would start to, you know, go to the gym, work out. And that, you know, it started from the ages of 10, 11, all the way through, you know, All the way through for the rest of my life. And so initially dance and exercise started as a way to control my body. And what ended up happening was I realized how much I loved it. And not only that, but people would tell me as, you know, through the years, you're really good at this. And they would, whenever I go to the class, they would want me to be in the front of the class. They're like, we want to follow you. We want to follow you. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, I'm a student. And then something shifted for me after I graduated college. And I was in, you know salsa dance class in, in, in, in Florida. My family had moved from New York to Florida when I was in college. And I just remember I would have, I was taking belly dance classes, taking salsa. I was taking hip hop. I was taking step. I was taking all the classes. Right? And then, you know, people more and more would be like, you should teach, you should teach. And then the seed was planted and you know, a few years, a number of years after that I started teaching my own brand of a fusion of the dance the dance styles and fitness styles that spoke to me the most. And so that was the beginning of and that's how dance exercise played, an interesting role in, in, in my life. And who knew that it would become so instrument, instrumental. it started out as a source of pain, but it has brought me so much joy and money.

Lisa 7:10

That's wonderful. So in the email that you sent to me, you titled it confidence and healing through dance. And can you tell me more about that journey for you? I mean, I understand you were referring to that with the early days of using it to lose weight, but yeah, if you want to talk

Valerie 7:29

Yeah. And I think in the first question I started to discuss, and it's just started to discuss like the, the role of how it aided my healing. And I actually want to read a couple of excerpts from my book. Your audience doesn't know me, but I, I wrote a book, published it in 2017. It's called feel good, kick ass confidence on the subtitle is using your body to rock your life. And for me, what it comes down to is I had a very. Disordered relationship with my body. There were the mental, like I said, there were mental health challenges, emotional health challenges. There was just, just depression. And then this, this, this, this body dysmorphia where I didn't really see myself through the eyes of love. And I saw myself through what I thought I should look like for you know, viewers that can't see me. I am a black woman. And growing up and even still now, even though actually it's a lot better these days, but growing up, you know, the body physiques that I saw had nothing to do with what my body was meant to look like. And so culturally trying to fit myself into what my body was never supposed to do. And then on top of that, just feeling so uncomfortable in my body because I also have. You know, I've had, I've, I have struggled with my weight. I don't struggle with my weight anymore. But I have struggled with my weight up, down, up, down. The highest I was was like, I think 199 pounds. I'm five, three. And I just felt so uncomfortable. And so what I realized as I kept embarking on this, this, this dance path that initially was about. You know, making my body look a certain way when I realized I actually enjoy how my body feels when I do these certain movements. And so I was able to go inward and focus on what feels good to me. And what's the connection with the sensations I'm feeling as I'm dancing and the connection between that and intuition. And then because I'm a life coach, also the, how the dance floor. The exercise floor is a parallel for how we move through life. And so if it's okay with you I'd like to share some excerpts from my book that, that highlight exactly what I'm talking about. So let's start with, and, and so my book is really about just to give a quick overview. So for the way I see confidence, it boils down to self trust, the ability to trust yourself so deeply and so much that when you get an intuitive nudge or when you have a desire to seek a certain path professionally, personally, romantically, whatever, there are, they're going to be the societal messages about what you should and shouldn't do. Then there are familial messages. There's friendship circles, right? So confidence and self trust when you can trust yourself to weave through all that, which is not actually your voice and to keep coming back to what is good and right and true for you. That's the essence of self, of confidence. That's where confidence comes from. So the chapter that I'm reading from in my book is all about what's the name of this chapter? It's chapter four, chapter three, moving your body rocks, your confidence. Okay, so let's see. I'm gonna actually end up reading quite a bit and then I'll pause, but so here's the first thing. It's the preface to the four, there are four, there are four keys that I highlight that have helped me in my journey that make parallels to life. So this is the preface before that. If you haven't already, start a movement practice. Clearly, I'm keen on dance, but it doesn't have to be dance if you've tried it and hate it. It's more important that you love the practice you're doing so you stick with it. Ultimately, it's about immersing yourself in something you will show up to on a regular basis. And if you can, do your practice in a group setting. I emphasize group because what I'm about to share with you are specific ways, four specific ways my overall confidence grew from having a regular dance fitness practice in a group setting. Okay, so point number one, you learn to keep your eyes on yourself. I learned to keep my eyes on myself to focus on my own game while being in the presence of sometimes 60 other people, or 100 or more. It's so easy in these group fitness and dance classes to lock into the energy of the more experienced movers in the class, the ones who seem to get the move so easily, and the ones who have that pizzazz and pop that you envy. When you're paying so much attention to that person, it minimizes your own movement. You feel smaller and less confident. You get lost in the sea of bodies. Been there, done that, over and over again. Then I reached a point that I was able to be aware of the other dances, other dancers, and group fitness participants, and mostly keep my eyes on myself. I learned to completely fall in love with the way my own body was moving to celebrate me. I milked the moves that I could nail and I didn't beat myself up over the rest. Now how this relates to life. You can be in a sea of other professionals in your industry, noticing them and being aware of their accomplishments and greatness, but ultimately minding your own game, keeping your eyes on your own prize, being proud of your own accomplishments, whatever they may be. Engaging in a group dance class setting flexes your muscles in awareness of others while honoring yourself. One more sentence. You learn how to be competitive in a healthy way without wanting to annihilate someone else or dangerously push yourself past your safety zones. One more. If you are fortunate, you will have an instructor that encourages this perspective in class. So that's the first point. I'm going to pause in case there's anything that you wanted to dive into further because I know that you are also a facilitator and I saw you nodding your head. And if there's anything like you want to riff off of, that's a

Lisa 14:17

Well, I think the last, the second to last sentence or last sentence kind of talked about what my question was, which is how did you change your focus from other people to focusing on yourself?

Valerie 14:31

great question. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of dance classes where when I wasn't doing that and how sh yours is a clean podcast so be mindful how sh ty it felt. Right? It did not feel good. And then Also, as I was embarking on my own personal development journey I've had many spiritual teachers, many who I haven't met, many who I have met right through books and also in person or virtual, you know, I've hired them or I've just been in their communities and this whole focus of, you know, focusing on your own game, focusing on your own game. And, well, while also being in community with other people, and so it got to a point where I am, and this also helps because I also have a performance background too, where there's a way to like lock into the energy of the other people while also realizing my body is not going to move like everybody else. And instead of seeing that as a negative thing, it's actually like, it's actually beautiful to see everyone moving, doing essentially the same moves. But bringing their own twist and not trying to look like other people. And so when I had, you know, when I prioritize that experience and you know, it's, it's, it's, it can be the worst in classes with mirrors. I don't care about mirrors anymore, but way back when, I'm like, I'm looking at that person and I'm feeling envious and I'm looking at that person and I'm just feeling like competitive, like, Oh, I got to crush them. Listen, sometimes that still does come up, but I'm able to catch it. and like shift, you know, shift my, my mindset in the moment or shift how I'm operating. But I just realized like, you know, something I'm actually going to, while I'm looking at myself, I would I would do something with my eyes where I would, it would like make everybody else blurry, but highlight myself so that I can really focus on me. So the short answer to your question is lots of practice.

Lisa 16:36

Do you feel like there were certain teachers that encouraged? That awareness of yourself rather than the other people or certain kinds of

Valerie 16:44

will say Misty, like.

Lisa 16:46

Misty

Valerie 16:48

I myself was a groove method facilitator. I haven't facilitated groove classes in a long time. But one of the things that I took with me for the, you know, for when I was teaching other dance and fitness classes throughout my career, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm blessed to have met Misty and done her training at the beginning. of my teaching journey because in the, you know, the role of, of the instructor as a facilitator, as opposed to a, I mean, they were teaching, but it's, as opposed to this authoritarian, you know, I tell you what to do when you have to do this because I have been in many dance and fitness classes. Where the instructor just does not have the awareness that, and, and there may be ego involved where if you do a modification, they're going to come up to you and say, you know, you're doing your, that's not the way we're supposed to be doing it. And I have had like the strength and the wherewithal when that has happened to either ignore it or to just say, I'm doing my thing. I know what I'm doing. But I think these kinds of experiences can really adversely impact people's comfort and safety and desire to even embark on fitness classes because there are these instructors, even still, who are like these, these totalitarians. But with, you know, Misty's training asking questions, like even the reframe of, I want you to do X, Y, and Z, she's like, I invite you. the language of invitation as opposed to you have to. And so I, you know, I started teaching dance and fitness classes in Los Angeles in 2010 and I think I took her facilitator training in like 2011 or something. And so that just helped form and, and, and that's like an inclusive way of of facilitating. Now I'm switching from like as a facilitator to a, a student or, you know, just a participant. It, it all, it all impacts each other. Right. And so it's like having my own boundaries for what I will and won't tolerate from an instructor. And also knowing like, that's not the class for me, but but also knowing like just having that consciousness of everybody's bodies will move different, is going to move differently. And to have this be a space where we get to explore and have you know, delicious health without alienating people. Like, you're not doing it a certain way. Which is BS. Yes,

Lisa 19:33

a wonderful message and I think, yeah, for people that aren't comfortable in a dance class, like you're saying, either you set boundaries or, you know, that that's not the class for you. Like, if you're feeling like it's not feeding your soul, it's not making you feel good dancing, then, you know, you can move on and there are lots of options and lots of instructors and facilitators who approach maybe the same style differently. That's beautiful. I love that. Do you want to, you had four confidence enhancing lessons. Do you want to keep going with those?

Valerie 20:10

I totally forgot. I was so, we were like so involved in this first point. I'm like, oh, there's three more. Okay. The next, the next point is you learn to pay wicked good attention to your body signals. I'm not going to read everything. So I'm just skimming. Moving through dance and group fitness environments requires a level of body and spatial awareness that I haven't found in other movements like hiking or walking. Because the class settings force you to be around other people. I learned to develop an astute attention to body positioning, especially when rehearsing for a show. A floppy wrist could make a particular movement look ungraceful, and in the the fitness setting can put you at risk for injury if you're using weights and you got a floppy risk, right? So this body awareness led to my ability to pay more and more attention to what was going on inside my body. There would be, there would often be a movement that the instructor would do that my body would tell me, yo V, we need a modification. Because my body couldn't safely do what the instructor's body did. We all have different anatomy after all. Okay, I want to have a side point to this. Modifications are key and you know, you've got a fantastic instructor when that instructor gives different ways of doing the same move. Or if they're scanning the room And they see if someone is struggling a bit and they go up to that person and, you know, they, they, they will just do some movements with them or, or, or offer variations. Okay. Back to the, back to the reading. I learned to heed my body signals and keep, which keeps my physical being safe. Gratitude for my body also increased. I'm not going to read this whole section, but what I will say is that. So, you know, the body gratitude and from someone who had such a just a harmful relationship with my body, like, okay, I'm doing a workout. Or dance class. And then I noticed the next day, my hamstrings are feeling kind of tight. I can't walk the way that I normally do. A, it's like, I know it's, I know what's happening. The muscle, the muscle fibers are, have been broken down and they're rebuilding. So I'm, I'm becoming stronger. And then secondly, when that the discomfort and the, the tension, whatever subsides, cause I do my recovery and all that. Then I have even greater appreciation when my body is back to functioning at fuller capacity. And so in terms of the healing aspect of, you know, movement it's, you know, things like this. Just the noticing and the gratitude and the awareness. All right, I'm going to finish this, this, this section. Body awareness gives you greater access to your emotions too. You're learning to listen to your body through moving it on a regular basis. And that enhances your ability to pay attention. When you get a flutter in your chest or in your abdominals during your day, you learn to investigate what's up. Why did that fluttery sensation just appear? Oh, it's because there's that presentation you have to give later on in the day and you're just nervous about that. Then you breathe, you tell yourself that you've got this, it's going to be okay. Or you go for a five minute walking break to clear your head and help you get in the zone to rock your presentation letter later. Your group movement practice trains you to stop and get curious about the various emotions and sensations that happen throughout your day. These sensations serve as signals and clues about what to do next or what to focus your attention in order to have a feel good, kick ass kind of day. I focus on feelings and emotions because They're the path to us living vibrantly. And there was this book that I, I moved to Los Angeles in 2006, at the end of 2005, 2006. So within my first year here I went to a bookstore. It's called Broman's Bookstore in Pasadena. And I was waiting with a bunch of people. We were going to see a movie next door and we were just like browsing the bookstore, you know, and I found, I saw this book that shifted the course of my life and really started me on this coaching path. And that book was called, excuse me, your life is waiting. The incredible, it was like, the subtitle is like the incredible power of feelings. The author is Lynn Grabhorn and in that book she highlighted, The importance and with various techniques and tools to pay attention to the sensations and the feelings because, and now I'm going to go to my current, you know, coaching practice because your feelings are the fuel for whatever actions you do and don't take, and then guess what creates your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. And so making that connection between the actions that you take, which produce certain results that you do or don't want in your life. And most people there, I actually have a monthly class that I, a monthly free class that I teach first Thursdays of the month on zoom it's called create any change in your life. And in that, in that class, it's, if I didn't say it already, it's just one hour. In that class, I highlight a big misunderstanding that people have about what it takes to create and keep creating any kind of lifelong lasting changes. And we tend to focus on. What are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? Just focus on the technique, the action, the action. But if that were the case, then everybody who, you know, tries to lose weight by intermittent fasting and stop eating meat, if one person does that, if that were the action, then everybody who does that would lose weight. But we all know that there are just so many different ways of doing things, right? And so let's come, let's, let's talk about the fuel, the fuel being the feelings that are Driving those actions, which are connected to thoughts and beliefs, which are either propelling you towards what you want or away from what you want. And so all this ties back to, you know, so if you, if you're like, I have a terrible connection with my body or I want to have a, you know, a greater or not terrible, like, I don't know what I'm feeling, you know, start with a movement practice because that will enhance the, the body awareness. And then it'll allow you to be curious and investigate. And then from there, like you're going to be able to tap more into feelings. And if that's too, like, if that's just too hard, hire a coach or go to a community or listen to podcasts like, like this to help further you on your path. And you can hire me because you know, I, I, I, I am such a coach that, that, that works with the embodiment element of creating lifeline, lifetime changes.

Lisa 27:20

having been somebody who is an emotional eater, I can relate a lot to what you're, what you're saying.

Valerie 28:11

Shall I finish the last two?

Lisa 28:13

Yeah, absolutely.

Valerie 28:15

Alright, so number three, you learn to freestyle in public. Nope, that's not, that's number four. Number three, amidst the confusion, you learn to close your eyes and just connect with the music. I really like this one. Okay. So many times I've been in class and the teacher threw a wicked fast routine my way. Holy. So many, I'm trying not to curse on your podcast. So many notes, so many moves, no way I can get it all. But then I remember to take a beat and connect to the music first. It's from music that the movement flows. I get in sync with the rhythm and the beat and my body then flows. It's from this relaxed state that I eventually end up learning the ass kicking choreography. And I'm blessed to have had so many opportunities to practice this. Now, outside of the dance class setting, what this looks like is literally or figuratively closing your eyes and connecting to the music of your soul. Thus, connecting to your spirit as you dance through your work and relationships. The music is your soul. It's your intuition, your muse, your divine guidance. So let's say you're in a confusing period in your life, a confusing moment where you just feel lost, a relationship is in trouble and you feel out of whack. A job assignment has you frustrated beyond belief and you feel like you can't handle it. You learn to close your eyes, get connected to the beat of the divine rhythm and continue along your journey. You might not get all the moves immediately, but flow will return. You learn to cultivate a trust in yourself and ability to step back, pause, reconnect, get centered and return to the action of your life. So that's point number three.

Lisa 30:05

It's interesting because I actually was just reading an article about babies and how they will notice if they're played music if a beat is missing.

Valerie 30:16

Wow.

Lisa 30:17

And so just that connection to music that we all have as human beings starts from a very, very early age. And they actually, I think, compared it to monkeys And monkeys kind of, I forget how they described it, but it wasn't the same kind of recognition that there was a beat missing that babies have.

Valerie 30:37

That's really cool. And you know, and if you think about babies, I mean, music there, there's already a beat in the womb, the mother's heartbeat.

Lisa 30:47

Yes. Oh, right. Yeah,

Valerie 30:49

And so there, there, there's already a metronome that before the baby ever comes out, they're already attuning to all

Lisa 30:58

And so I think like what you were describing about like how that connecting to that can help heal your life. It's like returning back to that sort of pure innocent, not pure, but innocent child, you know, that didn't have all the stuff that happens to you in

Valerie 31:16

the stuff that happens that gets solidified ages seven through, you know, eight, that's a very pivotal time, right? I mean, it's all pivotal, but You know, studies have shown in psychology where like seven, eight years old you know, some things start to get cemented. But you know, and, and this whole thing with the music and the rhythm. So I've been around a lot of dancers, a lot of, you know, choreographers, I have choreographed myself and there's different techniques to choreography, right? Like there was a, a fellow dancer that I dance teacher that I worked with and his choreographic style was he would create. And he would just do the movements and he would set a piece on people. And the music was an afterthought. So it wasn't based on, on music and he was more of a like contemporary lyrical type dancer. My styles are, and I, you know, I have done jazz and, and ballet, not formally trained in those. I consider my training more so of like the world and then I've done classes and, but I, my, my training wasn't like formal. Like I didn't go to a conservatory but I identified as a dancer through just being an explorer of life. So anyway, what I'm getting at is music drives me and that's why I'm especially drawn to. African diasporic dances. So you've got West African. There's all types of, you know, African African dances, but the ones that I was drawn to and was introduced to first was West African dancing. And what is meant by that a lot is there's a certain type of battery of drums. There's djembes, there's dunes, there's the kinkani, there's the songba. You don't need to remember all of these, but I'm just sharing because I also, before I started West, I was, before I started West African dancing, I was a drummer. And so, and even just. starting out as a musician and and like playing music and just having that connection to music and feeling how music, you know, moves me. So there was West African dance, there's various African diasporic styles. You have Afro Brazilian, there's Afro Haitian, Afro Cuban, which are styles which I've, you know, delved into. And practice and have incorporated into the dance teaching that I was doing and the choreographing that I was doing. And then we also have house dance, which was created in the United States in Chicago. And was prominently developed between Chicago and New York, but it was, it was, you know, really created from in Chicago. Listen, house dance is amazing. If you don't know what it is, check it out. But it's like, it's for me, I, I feel the music and I let the music tell me. I let the mu so it's like my body and the music are having a conversation. And so when I choreograph, when I have choreographed, because I don't teach dance anymore when I have choreographed it was very like what's that word? You could, you could see the syncopations to the music. It, it was all related to the music. And then also in these African diasporic styles, a lot of times. There are live drums, the live drummers. So there's a conversation where, between the dancers and the drummers, and a lot of the time, when the dancers are going across the floor, practicing a movement, they are facing the drummers. And so it's this exchange. And so it enlivens me. And so that's why I tend to heavily focus on, like, the music driving. Also knowing that not everybody is like that, like, you know, the other dancer dude I was telling you about he would get a vision and idea first and then he would move that and explore that and he, he rarely ever taught pieces with music playing. He added the music afterwards. So I find all this really fascinating.

Lisa 35:15

Absolutely, yes, definitely,

Valerie 35:18

I've got one more, one more point. Okay. All right, this one, this one can be a scary one, but it's, it's, it's a good one. You learn to freestyle in public and love it. Two of the best ways I know how to increase the sense of trust in myself and therefore increase my confidence is through improv comedy. And freestyle dance. Something I didn't mention, I also have a background in acting and on camera hosting. That's why I put the improv comedy in there. So, freestyle dance is dancing without choreography, or pretty much you're making up choreography on the spot. You make the moves up as you go. Sometimes you will have never heard the song before, but you just start moving. And my favorite type of music to freestyle is house music. Dancing to house music is a way for me to express the way I wanted. Although there are many people who will say there is a right and wrong way to do any style, I found that the only way to do this particular style wrong was to be uptight and not move at all. There's this thing that happens in many house dance environments called the cypher. West African dance has an equivalent called the bantuba. It's when a circle of people forms, leaving space in the center. Actually, I'll just take a note. Cyphers were actually came into prominence in hip hop culture, where there, there would be a circle around the DJ and the DJ, not the DJ, excuse me, the the rap artist. And they were, you know, just riffing. And then there's this exchange between the people who are witnessing, who are also part of the experience, and then the person who is performing. I say performing in air quotes. But let's just say expressing what feels authentic and true to them. So that's what, you know, Cypher. It's when a circle of people forms, leaving space in the center for an individual or two or three or whoever many to have the spotlight and do their thing. The permission I felt from other house dancers when I danced in the cypher contributed to a sense of community and freedom. The cyphers I've experienced have been supportive environments where I and every dancer gets to be seen raw and unscripted. Talk about healing. Right beside when you are put in a position to improvise on the spot in front of your peers and teachers You you you I said you may not start out confident at first. I just don't say you not gonna start But what ends up happening is that you do it enough times and you develop a sense of trust and whatever movements want to come out and whatever movement you feel inspired to do You start to trust and just do that and stop caring so much as the time passes. You do this enough times you stop caring so much what you might look like to other people. Because you're moving the way that your body desires to move and magic can happen in that zone. It's important to freestyle in public, to have other people's eyes on you while you are in the experience of trusting the inspiration that comes out of your body. The value you acquire through freestyling is learning to have incredible trust in your abilities when the original plan goes out the window. So, You're scheduled to give a presentation at the job. Your laptop freezes. How's your ability to go off the cuff and still rock the presentation? I love coaching private clients to go off the cuff more in their life. when I first started teaching, I taught a fusion of dance styles, right? And so when I started teaching Salsa Hip House, World Dance Funk, They were the same class, but different names. I created typewritten notes and kept a binder detailing each routine for each one hour class. The specific steps in each routine, which I had names for, and which songs I would do to each piece of choreography in that class. That's how I started. I did this for the first few months of teaching. It was a lot of work, but I felt I needed the script. Class was structured, start to finish. As I continued to take others classes, freestyling more and more, teaching and doing my own self growth work, I eventually stopped with the typewritten class notes. I now have the experience under my belt of teaching a good chunk of many classes without pre planning every movement ahead of time. I sometimes don't even know which songs I'll dance to until I get to that portion of the class. I've cultivated an ability to trust so deeply in the movement and song that wants to be expressed in the moment that I have had students tell me they had no idea, I didn't plan any of it. Creating a class in front of my students on the spot. And the class still rocks. Now that's trust. I'm reminded of this one experience that I had. I was taking, oh P. S. I didn't say this. I have also been Zumba certified. Like I have taught so many different, group power fitness, which was this choreographed fitness workout class to like 60 pounds, 70 pound heavy weights, barbells and dumbbells, but it was choreographed to music, which is why I was drawn to it, right? I taught Zumba, been licensed as a Zumba instructor. But anyway, so there's this one class. That I would, that I took with another instructor and she was pretty new, she was struggling. Like, I could see she felt unsure, uncertain, she was just unsure of her movements and I was in the back of the class. And because I'm a coach and because I feel very I have felt, you know, felt confident in my teaching abilities. I went up to her and I was like, would you like me to help you? And she let, so we were co teaching where I didn't know what she was doing. She had her playlist. But I just choreographed on the spot and I was instructing the students and her, right? And then that got, that gave me an idea. I was like, Oh wow, I'd love, this was fun. What if I was like the, the, the, like the confidence dance instructor coach for other, you know, new dance, you know, dance teachers who want to cultivate that ability, right? This is what my dance practice. And this, like the personal growth work I did too. I could reach a point where I went for my own, you know, my own teaching, but I was able to show up and help her and then also help her deliver a class right. So like have my attention on the people creating stuff on the spot and then breaking down. I mean, that was one of my favorite experiences.

Lisa 42:03

I can see that in your face like you really light up when you talk

Valerie 42:06

that. was fun. Yeah.

Lisa 42:09

And is that how the dancing life coached? Title came about or, or is that something a little

Valerie 42:15

No, the dancing life coach. So I called myself that. I think so. I've had feel good kick ass. I started FeelGoodKickAss in 2014, 2015. It started off as a blog and it came from a blog I had before that called Mindset to Mind Shift. I did that from 2013 to 2014 or 2014 to 2015, throughout that time. And then I shifted to FeelGoodKickAss. After a meditation that I was doing within another business program about what's the essence of the work that I do. Like, how do I want, how do I want people to feel after they have an experience with me? I want them to feel good and to kick ass at whatever they want, kick ass at in life. And so as I was just, you know, feeling into different names, like, how do I want to call myself the dancing life coach? Because I'm a life coach who dances. And that was just, it was just a fun way to brand myself.

Lisa 43:09

I love it. That's great. As you were also talking about that experience of being in front and coaching, I was reminded, it reminded me of my experience learning Thai Massage over in Thailand. And the instructor that we had, he had a little workbook that somebody else had written, but he always was like, Get rid of that thing. Like, he just did not want you to be, like, looking at it and relying on it. He's like, it's intuition. It's following, you know, where you want to go to next, what body part you want to press on, you know? So, it's Yeah, reminded me that when you were talking about just being able to on the spot, improvise the class and help this other person.

Valerie 43:55

And you know, and, and what this next piece I'm going to say, I think it's going to dovetail into, I know that you wanted to also talk about like the DEI work that I've done and the equity that you put in. So what your instructor, your, your Thai massage instructor said, right. And the experiences that I've highlighted here about there comes a point where you've got to let go of the script. There comes a point where you've got to let go of. Other people's well meaning ideas about what your life should look like, what you should be doing, et cetera. Right. And so as I was an arts educator, because as you know, I didn't say this specifically, but I have taught dance classes and I was a dance teaching artist, dance educator. I was adjunct faculty at a university. I've taught adults and youth grades, kinder through college. I've taught 80 year olds. I've been in dance studios, fitness studios arts organizations and K 8s, right? So it's been vast. And as I was on the arts education path I became part of this cohort California Arts Education Leadership Cohort Emerging Leaders of Color Program. Long title. But they tapped me. I got invited to be part of that cohort and it involved arts educators from various disciplines, acting, visual arts, you know, all kinds of arts disciplines. It also involved arts administrators and policymakers. It involved a whole gamut of, of us. And one of the things that we talked about This was in 2017, 18, when I really started to dive into the equity work, race and equity inclusion and how that shows up in various arts practices, or the problematic elements. And so I'll be specific to dance. Well, actually before that, one, one piece that is related to what your Thai, you know, massage instructor was saying is, so I learned, I first learned about white supremacy culture. Okay. And it is a certain way of moving through the world, of operating through life that has certain ideas of what makes someone, you know, let me, let me bottom line this, because I don't want to get too, too technical on this. In Western society and culture, we're not often taught to, how to really listen in word. to follow our path. A lot of the times, it's still, there is an authority figure that you have to rely on for your answers. There's you know, and anything that deviates from such said norm is not elevated, it's not uplifted, it's not valued. Then we have racism, ableism, all kinds of isms. That don't honor and respect the differences instead of finding the unity through differences. Well, first, you have to acknowledge the differences, especially when there's been so much injustice, oppression, right? Where communities have been pushed to the wayside. Okay. And so it's very different. And hence, it also contributes to how you have instructors who will say. No modifications. Like if they see you doing something that doesn't it's not exactly like what they're doing their ego gets involved and it's like there's only one right way. Actually that is their there's a phenomenal organization called Dismantling Racism Works or DR Works. It, it consists of many, you know, practitioners and not, not necessarily arts practitioners, but people in the realm of social justice. And who look at how societies operate, how the, how, like the workplace, right? And then so this organization, they created 14, I think it's 14 or 15. Anyway, it's within that range of different elements of white supremacy culture characteristics. I actually taught a six hour masterclass on this earlier this year, which I put up on Teachable. There's information about it on my website feelgoodkickass. com. But so this organization studied different characteristics within the workplace, which tends to bleed into the rest of our life of, you know, white supremacy culture. One of those is there is only one right way to do things. And so that's my very circuitous way of coming back to how, what we're talking about. You know, and, and the, the microcosm of the dance floor for tuning into intuition, like, yes, seeing there is a way there's a choreography and all that, and then at the end of the day, like tuning into yourself to find what feels good and right for you to how to move so that you can accomplish the goals for your movement practice, whether it be, you know, losing weight or mental health, emotional health, It could be community. Some people, they go to dance classes because that's social hour, right? So what will help you fulfill the goals and it has to do with like there comes a point where you've just got to disconnect From the rules and then because the dance floor is a microcosm for life So you want to date somebody who is? of a different race than your, your, your, you know, your family or your friend circle approves of. And so then it's like, am I going to listen to them? Or how can I tune back to the music of my soul? Or how can I practice what I've learned through embodiment in these dance and fitness settings to decide for myself what is actually best for me?

Lisa 50:28

I was really struck. I listen, I listened to some of that video about You sang about modern dance and ballet being sort of the standards and yeah, that really hit me because that definitely was, I started off in creative interpretive dance and then later in life, you know, I was told I needed to take ballet and I didn't really like it, you know, but, but it was something that, In fact, my father decided that because I did not like ballet, I wasn't serious about

Valerie 51:06

Yeah. Look at these harmful messages, right?

Lisa 51:10

Yeah.

Valerie 51:11

And it's, and it's steeped in, White supremacy. It really is.

Lisa 51:18

Yeah. I hadn't thought about it that way, but yeah, I definitely

Valerie 51:21

and I appreciate this conversation because, you know, for as much, I mean, you're a facilitator, right? Like, you're not just a, an enthusiast, but like, you're in this work and you hadn't realized this, right? So can you imagine how many other people? And so, When we're talking about equity and inclusion and diversity in these spaces, and P. S., so I did share about that, you know, my introduction to this type of work in 2017 with like incorporating the DEI elements into the arts. Well, I was you know, I was faculty at a K 8 school where we had a very involved dance program. And we taught other arts, but the thing was like, Dance. And in that, in that organization, there were opportunities in 2020, a lot went down in 2020 in the United States.

Lisa 52:17

Yes. Yes.

Valerie 52:20

And so long story short, there was an opportunity that opened up to afford for there to be a DEI committee within that school. And so I put my, you know, I put my hat in the rink. and I became, you know, a DI lead teacher. And so the team and I, we would put on monthly or quarterly. We did it at least four times throughout the year. Race and equity professional development sessions for the entire organization, including the executive director, where we, It was definitely more than lip service. We actually had practices of how to recognize unconscious biases in the workplace, right? And then because the, that organization, the students were majority students of color. And so that was my work as DEI, a facilitator, DEI teacher. Okay. Now how that informed the work within the dance department. And also the arts department because the, we had music teacher on staff who was saying how homogenized in European culture, even, you know, how, how, how we teach music. And it's on this eight count as that's seen as the standard, but in so many other cultures, there isn't an eight count. Like if you look at Indian music, that's not, that's not eight count. But we're so focused on doing things a certain way, right? White supremacy culture characteristic, there is only one way, one right way to do things. And so, there was this conversation I started with in the dance department, and I was meeting other colleagues, other dance colleagues outside of that organization, and it really had me questioned why is our foundation, like, why are we so heavy on teaching ballet as the foundation and that actually leads to a much bigger industry question and let's get to the root of it, white supremacy. Period. Why is that seen as the standard when ballet was a manufacturer? And I'm not here to to harp on, on ballet. Like if you, if ballet has influenced how I dance, is it my go to dance? No. But it was created in a studio versus these other dance styles, like house dance, Afro, you know, African diasporic dances, Latin dances. A lot of them were created in community. They were created in social, you know, gatherings. And there's this, this, this thing of legitimacy that I have seen within the dance industry and even within, you know, I observe a lot and I've had, I've been, I've been privy to lots of conversations and we've got to question this stuff. Like why are certain Eurocentric forms seen as beautiful and elegant? And even those words, elegant, like we put these value judgments or value statements on certain qualities. Whereas we look at African diasporic styles or Latin social dances, or those are the dances that I'm more, I know that there are tons more, tons more dances, but those are the ones that I have done the most. And so when it comes to diversity, equity, and inclusion on the dance floor, One thing that I find that's incredibly important, especially if you're teaching a specific style of dance, is to talk about the, you know, the, the origins of that dance. For instance, jazz. Growing up, I would see jazz dance and it was a very European looking way of doing jazz. And so from a very young age, I was like, yeah, that's not for me. That's like, oh, that's the, whatever, whatever. Fast forward to, I was faculty at this school and like I had, you know, my, my go to dance styles were salsa hip hop. And I did a fusion of salsa hip hop where it was, you know, seeing like how the salsa footwork translated into hip hop music because of how the, the, the structure of the music and, and I just loved combining the two. So I lost my train of thought. Hold on. Let me, let me get back to it. Cause this is a very meaty topic. So there were other, you know, there were other dance teachers who were, who were, who were you know, we had one who was her strong suit was contemporary. Another one, the strong suit was jazz and it was being in this. educational, artistic, creative environment where I'm learning from my other teachers. And I, it was only then, two years ago, actually, if I'm being completely honest, where I actually started to do a deep dive and through her resources, saw, and it was actually when I was subbing her classes, it was like, wait a minute. The origins of jazz is in the African American community. That's where jazz came from. Before there was the European influences, there were vernacular dances that were created in social environment, but I didn't see any of that growing up on the jazz competitions. You know, I can't say dance moms. I've never seen dance moms, but show like shows like that. And I used to watch a lot of dance ESPN dance competitions too, growing up. And it always looked a certain way. But it stripped the history and that, and, and, and, you know, that's, that's very, very problematic because it was the, originators of these dance forms were erased and something that I say we know, I don't know how many people I know, and a lot of people, like it's not common knowledge, though I think it should be, is a lot of people of color have been erased from history in terms of their contributions. And so it's a very robust topic, but one thing I'll say for people, folks who are listening is to just, you know, start to explore like the origins of, of, of dance styles. And whenever you see something that has a very European flair to it, and you're drawn to thinking that that's beautiful. And I've had conversations with, with youth, my young dance students, where like, I, you know, they would say, Oh, this, I remember I was teaching a class. And while we're showing different dance videos and just to hear their feedback on which styles look professional and which ones didn't, and even that notion of professional, what would the ideas that we have about what professionalism is, is very much steeped in white supremacy culture, specifically what, you know, white men have decided is the standard. have explored and have more conversations that I can count on topics like this, not just relevant to the arts and dance, but in terms of how we do life. And I'm intensely interested in this because I'm also, as I've shared before, a life coach. All of this is interconnected and interrelated.

Lisa 59:46

Yeah, it makes me think of, I don't know if you're familiar with figure skating,

Valerie 59:50

yeah. I used to love, I loved figure skating by the way, never did it. I was more of a rollerblader, but yeah, keep going please.

Lisa 1:00:00

just the whole controversy around Surya Bhanali, who was a French skater and just, yeah. that she just did not fit in and, you know, it was really, yeah, challenging for

Valerie 1:00:13

And, you know, she, I watched all the winter Olympics when I was a kid. One of my cousins was actually a very talented figure skater. And my parents and I, my father loved Surya Bonaly and I loved her too. And I was a kid, right? But I was aware of the conversations and the controversy. Cause one thing, her body physique, right? She's very athletic.

Lisa 1:00:40

yes.

Valerie 1:00:41

you've got, I mean, you could see her muscles, she was doing backflips, right? But then you've got this committee who was like, Oh, that doesn't look graceful. So let's, we're talking about inclusion and diversity, right? We've got to make like certain people of certain ethnicities. Have different body types than people in other ethnicities and instead of Shaming and saying that's not graceful Question that Oh, I'm sorry I had to like get I get really impassioned by this because this But then it, you know, and then, so then how does that impact like the instructor who's showing up, who's showing up to a classroom where they've got diverse bodies in their classroom and they've got unconscious biases that they're not even aware of. So then they, maybe they, they, there's the black student in their class, which they don't even pay attention to. Okay. Or you've got a, just different people of different body types. You know, you've got someone who's a bit heavier. Maybe they're of a different culture. Who knows? Okay? But if that instructor, if they choose to put themselves in the front of a room or as a facilitator, it is their responsibility to check their biases so that they're not imparting their effed up ideas of what is beautiful, right, whatever, what a certain dancer is supposed to look like. And then exclude people who have every right to be there.

Lisa 1:02:18

absolutely. Do you think anybody is doing it well? I mean, any type of dance, or is it, do you think it's individual to the instructor?

Valerie 1:02:26

You know, one thing I will say that I'm seeing that these conversations are happening more and more. So in my so I was at within the education system scholastic education system whether it was through an arts organization going into certain schools and teaching dance or just being faculty at a school. These conversations are happening more and more, especially after 2020 and all of the racial stuff that was going on and conversations that have resulted from, from 2020. These conversations are more, are, definitely at the forefront. And I've, I mean, I was at a school where we were talking and taking action to implement. And so, for instance, at that school I pitched and created and taught an African diaspora dance curriculum. And that was the name of the class, African diaspora dance. And then they started to question. Now, I don't know, I no longer work there. So in terms of the implementation, I don't know what it looks like now. But one of the things that we were looking at is instead of having the kinder kids start with ballet, what if we had them start with a Latin dance form or basic drumming or, you know, an African, you know, dance form. So it starts with questioning. And if an organization is open to questioning the structures and the rules, that's a very phenomenal place to start. There's still a lot of work to be done, especially when you're looking at mainstream, but even with So You Think You Can Dance. Many, many, many, many, many, many years ago Jeffrey Page was a choreographer and the first African dance, like my first exposure to West African dance when I was in college. He's this renowned choreographer. He went on to choreograph the first West African dance piece on So You Think You Can Dance. That was many, many years ago. And so I definitely see the tide shifting, but in terms of the actual actualization. of where the standard is egalitarianism really within the dance space. And before we can get to egalitarianism, so equity, let's talk about equity and equality just for a little bit. And actually on, my website, I have a four part series of videos where I, I break down the difference between equity versus equality. So, equity is about right sizing the wrongs that have been done in existing, whereas equality is more like give everybody the same, exact same, you know, exact same resources, not accounting for we're not all starting at the same level. Okay, because when certain populations and communities have consistently experienced being neglected or harmed and all of that, and that continues to happen for generations and generations and generations, you can't just give everybody the same resources. We've got to account for and make up for those harms that were done so that everybody can be on the same level playing field. That's equity. How did I start talking about this?

Lisa 1:06:08

We were talking about whether anybody's doing well with,

Valerie 1:06:12

yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm getting it now. Okay. Okay. So we have a long way to go, right? If the goal is egalitarian, everybody feels represented. We got to actually elevate the people who have not been represented so that they can feel, be seen and acknowledged. Otherwise it's just gaslighting like, Oh, nothing really happened. Yeah. Things did happen. And there's a system and a society that's based on unequal power structures that touch every aspect, medical industry, education, finance, everything, including the arts, including dance and exercise. And so my work, what I'm passionate about my work is in addition to the life and the mindset and all of that, something that's very important in what I do is I help my clients question their internalized white supremacist patriarchy. And the various ways it shows up and impacts them adversely and also impacts the communities that they're part of. And if they're leaders, educators, you know, any kind of having a responsibility for other people, we have to, we have to question and look at this and right the wrongs and the harms.

Lisa 1:07:40

a very important conversation. for talking about

Valerie 1:07:44

I thank you for being open to it because I, I mean, I could talk about this continually and I've got other videos on my website. You know, if you want to, you know. Anyone who's listening to this, who wants to get, get more involved, like find out more just to gain some more resources. I got a bunch of free stuff on my website to explore and to get you on that journey. And then also just reach out to me and we can have a one on one talk, consultation, whatever.

Lisa 1:08:13

Yes, I will have links to your website and your Instagram and your

Valerie 1:08:18

Thank you.

Lisa 1:08:19

and the show notes. Of course, of course. So any kind of final thoughts or words? That you want to add as we conclude the

Valerie 1:08:30

I actually wrote down what my, did I put it here? My main mission, my main message. Okay. So from all of everything that you've heard. My main message that I want your listeners, that I want to leave your, your listeners with is about the power of dance and movement to heal broken relationships within the, with the body, with yourself and with other people. And also the power of dance, of movement to be a significant tool. To fine tune intuition, to build self trust and overall confidence in, in self and life. And then also, you know, what we were just talking about for the last 20, 30 minutes. In relation to, because we're talking about the body, right? And different body types and structures. Question, just question if you're a participant or facilitator, the ideas and the notions. That you may have about what a body sh, how a body should move and how a body should look like. And also elevate the communities of colors who have originated dance forms that you may not even be aware that they did. And then one last piece is seek those, seek those classes out. Like we have preferences, but we had a question. Where did those preferences, preferences come from? Like, why are we drawn to certain things and not drawn to other things? Instead of just saying, Oh, that's just the way it is. It's just my preference. No, actually, are there, are there biases involved in that? Are you someone who stands for justice and, inclusion and co creating a world that works for everyone? So those are my final thoughts.

Lisa 1:10:39

Well, thank you very much, Valerie. And you've given us a lot to think about and reflect on. And I really appreciate you sharing.

Valerie 1:10:47

I love this. Thank you for having me. I think what you're doing is fantastic. And I, I. I enjoyed every minute of this interview.

Lisa 1:10:57

Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that thought provoking interview with Valerie. If you're interested in learning more about her and her work, I will have a full list of links to her website and her social media platforms in the show notes below. If you do have any questions or comments or would like to be on the show, please feel free to reach out to me at HappySweatLife at gmail. com. I look forward to bringing you another episode next week.