What Happens When We Finally Listen to Our Bodies? | with Pooja Bakhai

Key Takeaways:

-  The power of a woman’s bleed. 

-  Follow your fear. It is usually pointing you in the right direction.

-  Cancer can be linked to repressed emotions and unresolved issues.

What happens when we finally listen to the wisdom of our bodies? For Pooja Bakhai, it meant walking away from a prestigious Harvard PhD program after battling stage four cancer, moving across the country on intuition alone, and eventually finding herself in the Amazon rainforest on a profound healing journey, after having a conversation with a tree, on a beach, while in Mexico.

This conversation is a masterclass in authentic living. Pooja shares how, despite completing most of her doctoral work, she couldn't even open her research files – a clear sign her path needed to change. Touching on her journey with plant medicine, she shares how this experience helped her recover repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse – memories her body had been holding onto for decades, manifesting as physical illness. She shares her beautiful poetry about "The Divine Feminine Creatrix Codes", reflecting the wisdom she gained about honouring our bodies and their natural cycles.

Pooja concludes by telling us how her new relationship with fear, has supported her through processing grief, and recently taking the brave step of reporting her abusers to authorities – all part of releasing stagnant energy that often manifests as dis-ease.

Ready to explore your own authentic path? Connect with Pooja through her website for a quick chat, or dive into her published poetry that celebrates one's own inner wisdom and healing power.

All links to today's guest's work and official site

Pooja’s Website ➡️ https://www.poojabakhai.com

Instagram Account ➡️ @lakshmisacredarts

Facebook ➡️ Authenticity Coach & Healer 

Books Mentioned in This Episode

"Heal Your Body...",by Loui

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Pooja Bakai's Inspiring Journey
• 1:36 Leaving Harvard: Following Intuition
• 5:11 Moving to California and Finding Purpose
• 10:14 The Power of Menstruation and Intuition
• 16:12 The Tree That Changed Everything
• 27:16 Reframing Fear as Motivation
• 30:15 Plant Medicine and Healing Trauma
• 46:20 Uncovering Suppressed Memories
• 1:03:24 Sharing Resources and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Today's guest, Pooja Bakai, is a survivor of stage four cancer and childhood sexual abuse, and our conversation is such a reminder of the power contained in sharing our stories. And Pooja's journey is a true testament to her current work as an authenticity coach helping others along on their own healing journeys. Coach helping others along on their own healing journeys. The thing is, when we are in alignment, there is not much needed to do other than to show up trust, the process and take action. I had such a blast talking to Pooja, and she writes amazing poetry too.

Speaker 1: 0:49

All right, let's get into it. We're talking about just your whole journey. Right, we spoke about the cancer. We spoke about journey. Right, we spoke about the cancer. We spoke about everything that you've been through, but I really wanted you to highlight you know you being an authenticity coach right now and the journey that you took to get here, what that was like for you, Like how did it come about? I know definitely it came out of the story that you shared with me, so I'd love for you to touch on that today. And, yeah, Awesome.

Speaker 2: 1:36

So my journey to becoming an authenticity coach, it was a very magical and intuitive journey. It was a very magical and intuitive journey. It started with me leaving, making the decision to leave what was making me unhappy, which was and just not feeling aligned with my gifts or my path, which was. At the time I was in a PhD program studying education policy at Harvard. Studying education policy at Harvard, and although I was knee deep into the program, I was pretty, pretty far in. Phd is a long road. I was, I would say I was two thirds of the way done. I had finished all my coursework, a lot of research and all my exams, so I just had the dissertation left.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Wow.

Speaker 2: 2:23

And, yeah, after some serious thought, the way I knew that I wasn't supposed to continue was I had created a research paper an original research paper about how teachers of color navigate working in schools and school policies to best serve their students, and I was supposed to work from that paper to continue, and I actually couldn't even bring myself to open the paper. I couldn't even bring myself to read what I had done. And that's when I knew that something had shifted with the journey of the cancer and if I couldn't open it, there's no way I was going to find the energy to complete it, and at the time I didn't have any energy to play with. I think we've all been there in our lives at a certain point where you kind of are on an energy budget and you have to prioritize what brings you energy and what makes you feel excited or nourished in life, and at the time I had just noticed that this wasn't it.

Speaker 2: 3:38

So, despite all of the work that I did and all of the work that I did to even get there which it was a dream of mine to go to Harvard when I was younger and I did I ended up graduating with my master's in education policy, and I told my advisors, as much as I love some of the things that I've been able to do here, this is not the right path for me right now and I don't know why, but it's just not.

Speaker 2: 4:03

And they really respected my decision and they said they'll support me in whatever else I decide to do, and so I feel like I had also a lot of grace in that space from people that it mattered to me what feedback they gave me, and actually one of my advisors ended up sending her daughter to me when I started coaching and I coached her daughter. She's eight years old at the time, but it just goes to show you like the reason why did I start coaching? I mean, I just was sitting with, so I didn't. I wasn't in the program and I had the space to decide what do I want to do next? And when I was in the program I was living in Boston. But after my cancer treatment I said, uh, I don't know if we're allowed to curse on this podcast.

Speaker 2: 4:48

Probably not oh, okay, I said fuck it. I said fuck it. Um, I gotta, I gotta, go move out to a sunny place, um, that I've always dreamed of living in. Um, I, I love surfing. I had picked it up during my time, actually during my cancer treatment, and I'm such a water girl, I love the ocean and I always, always, dreamed of living out in California, which is where I went to college. But I never went back and I always wanted to, and so I moved out to San Diego and everyone thought I was nuts because I was not in great physical shape. I had just done eight months of chemo and people were just like, what are you doing? But I didn't care. That was one of the first intuitive decisions I made. I moved out there, left the program and then I had the spaciousness to feel into what is it I want to do?

Speaker 2: 5:40

And I had always, always, always, been great at coaching people and I had five years of experience in education and teaching at the time, and even more if I really think about it.

Speaker 2: 5:58

I was an RA and undergrad and I just have always been teaching and counseling and coaching in one capacity or another, even when I was like eight years old or seven years old, you know.

Speaker 2: 6:13

So I just had known that that was a gift of mine, and my friends and my community had always reflected that back to me, and I had always been finding ways to do that in my jobs, wherever I was, whatever I was doing. And so, and even in the program, you know, as a teacher, I was teaching courses, assisting in courses, running facilitating groups and just doing a lot of teaching and coaching. And so I knew I had the skill set to do it and I knew I had the intuition as well, because as coaches, it's not just structured, a structured plan that makes you effective, but also just being able to connect with people and really trust our own intuition about where to go in a certain session or how to show up. And so, yeah, I just had a come to Jesus moment. I always say I'm a woman, I bleed every month. I always say on, I'm a woman, I bleed every month, and on my bleeds.

Speaker 2: 7:09

I really get a lot of information and about what directions I'm supposed to go, a lot of premonitions and things like that, and I had a bleed in San Diego and it was clear as day. It's like you're going to become a life coach. You're starting this now, so that's how I started, yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Oh my gosh, I love that for you. You know talking about your menstruation and how that's kind of like shows up for you when it comes to your intuition. You know speaking about being an intuitive healer. How does that now play a role in the work that you're doing?

Speaker 2: 7:46

It's amazing that we're even talking about it and I really would just like to acknowledge that. You know it's taken me a lot of work to get here where I can speak about the bleed and also publicly, like without any shame, but really as the celebration of the power that it holds and how much magic there is in that space. And I would say today it's very similar. I just have more awareness over that time of my month of what it means and how much can happen and move energetically during that time. And I'll say that for a couple years, you know, I have been coaching since I found in my coaching business, but the way that I've coached and where I've lived has changed.

Speaker 2: 8:35

And so for part of that time since then till now, I was living in the Amazon rainforest and I was living with different indigenous communities, too different ones, and the longer I stayed there, the more I learned about this time of the bleed and how to honor it and the power that ancient societies understand that it holds. In fact, they see it's even more powerful than some of the most powerful plant medicines and sacred plants that they give people to create this connection with God or the universe. They say it's actually more powerful than these plants. Women have it. You know, there's a lot of ways to manage our energy and just protect our energy during that time, and you know the way I see it, it's different for all of us.

Speaker 2: 9:31

We're, all you know, unique individuals, but it was nice to go there and understand that the reason that they had some of these boundaries around the women's bleed is not because they disrespected the woman, but because they understood the power that she holds, especially during during this time, and it is a time of purge, of release, so I always like to remember that and honor that too. So sometimes the purge can make space for, like, new information to come in, and so I experienced that too, and I also pay attention to my dreams even more during this time. And I'll just say I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but I'll just have like random like aha moments, like I'll just be sitting around and then just be like, oh my gosh, I'm going to do a retreat, or oh my gosh, I gotta do this, um and I I think that's just cool.

Speaker 2: 10:28

So I did I did write a poem about the bleed, if you ever want to hear it. Um, I actually have my book right here, which was not even planned, but I love it.

Speaker 1: 10:37

Do you want to share it with us?

Speaker 2: 10:39

yeah, sure do, please do okay, okay, I know you're a writer as well, so this is definitely meant to be, I'm sure, your audience. You have a lot of artistic people.

Speaker 1: 10:51

Oh yeah, let's see if I can find it.

Speaker 2: 10:54

Oh, here it is, okay, ready? Yes, all right. Creatrix Codes. Our flow is advanced magic. This ain't no beginner's dance. Wild love, sorcery, creating life, death, transmuting collective agony, beauty, power, wisdom, compassion. We are the feminine force, whispering winds, uprooting lava, sounding thunder, making waves. This is us. Feeling is healing, feeling is queening. Honor the bleed, remembering the gifts of our ancients, dripping down lineage. The divine feminine creatrix codes, the sacred way, the only way.

Speaker 1: 11:52

The only way Breathe, rest, protect the sacred passageway. The original Creatrix Matrix. This is our medicine. That's beautiful. The Creatrix Matrix Matrix. I love it. I love it. That is so good, pooja. That's amazing. Oh, thank you. Have you like, published that anywhere?

Speaker 2: 12:09

Well, it's in this book, right here, nice, yes, that's your book. This is it, this?

Speaker 1: 12:15

is it Amazing For your book, is it just like pure poetry?

Speaker 2: 12:21

Yes, it's a poetry collection.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Nice, I love it.

Speaker 2: 12:26

Amazing.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure you'll tell us where we'll find your book later on.

Speaker 2: 12:31

Sure, sure, sure. I can do it now too. So we don't forget now you can just find it on amazon, simple as that. Um, you can also go on my website, and I have a link there to puja bakaicom. Yeah, that's perfect and I have a link there to pujabakaicom.

Speaker 1: 12:45

Yes, Perfect yeah, this is the perfect opportunity to plot. So, oh man, but tell me you know cause you were into Amazon rainforest. How did you even end up there?

Speaker 2: 13:03

Like what happened. It's such a a good question. It's such a crazy story. Um, I love that you asked me because, um, the mystical part of me definitely sees life as like the series of magical moments I had never watched like Alice in Wonderland before. I don't know if you've ever seen it.

Speaker 1: 13:24

Have you seen it? I love it. It's my favorite. It's my favorite the book, the movie, everything.

Speaker 2: 13:31

Well, it came into my field, or like I was introduced to it. More like my husband loves it he always like is quoting it and showing me like these YouTube clips from it but I watched it in full for the first time, like this past week, and I was just like, oh my gosh, all morning today I was like I think I'm Alice. I think I'm Alice, I mean, I think.

Speaker 2: 13:53

Alice in a lot of us right exactly oh my goodness, exactly that's what I was thinking. It's like we are. We are all out straight and yeah, that's probably why that movie was um such a hit. I don't know why, but probably everyone feels connected in one way or another to that sense of magic magic, or is able to like remember it when they see the movie yeah um.

Speaker 2: 14:16

So yeah, I I've been thinking about that a lot today and just being really grateful about the moments that brought me the magical moments, the series of magical moments that brought me the magical moments, the series of magical moments that brought me to the jungle, because it was nothing short of a miracle um it was nothing short of a miracle.

Speaker 2: 14:33

But, yeah, I so with my cancer journey. It brought up a lot of questions for me um, mostly how, like, what, what I was cause. I had a Western medicine background. I actually studied biology and um, like was a scientist in college and um had planned to go to medical school, but like felt didn't. It's not an alignment for me.

Speaker 2: 14:57

Once I actually had to make the decision, and so there was a science part of me that that knew and understood a lot of things. Actually, I had done cancer research before. I had studied cancer cells. Both my parents were doctors.

Speaker 2: 15:14

I had read a lot of their medical books about cancer, even as a child, so I knew a lot about the science behind cancer and what was going on scientifically in my body. But I also had this sense that there was more to the story, that there was just something deeper going on and that if everything is just energy, then there was some energy within me that was creating this physical reality. So I had a lot of prayers that I spoke into the winds about finding healing and finding truth, and I think ultimately, it's probably that those prayers and that choice that I made that I wanted to know. I wanted to go deeper. I wanted to understand what really happened to me at that time, because it wasn't just my body that changed, or the decision of quitting my program and starting my life coaching business. It wasn't just that. There was something much bigger going on that I could sense, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Speaker 2: 16:20

For the life of me. I, a part of me, like thought I was going a little crazy because I'm just like what? Like nothing feels the same Nothing, um. So I went out to San Diego and I think probably that was an intuitive decision. But basically once I went there I started meeting people, one after the next. That would sort of lead me to these different healing modalities. And it was so interesting because I had never really experienced a lot of these like healing modalities before, or spiritual, a way of looking, a spiritual lens on the world, an emotional lens. And one of those series, one of those you know parts in the long chain, led me to this woman who was serving for, you know, in the San Diego area there are a lot of like more European like lineage practitioners and I had at the time was looking for a woman of color to just learn with and learn from, and everything I was learning I was also using in my coaching practice.

Speaker 2: 17:42

So it was sort of a part of my training as well, and I didn't know that at the time, but I learned that over time and so, yeah, I found this ceremony, this woman. Someone recommended me to go to her and I agreed and I learned very quickly that the blessed tea also had some psychedelic plants inside, yes, and so she was like you know, do you still want to do it? Not because I didn't know that when I signed up. And she's like how do you feel about it? And I said I feel fine. I said I trusted everything that brought me to this point. I've really relied solely on trust for the last year, trusting the guidance, and since I'm here and I feel called to sit in this experience, let's go for it.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:29

And I only bring that up because I think the plant spirits had also a lot to do with me ending up in the Amazon jungle, because over there they work a lot with sacred plants. And so I brought that up because, yeah, after I started working with the plants, a lot of things started to change in my life a lot faster. I started feeling better physically very quickly. Um, I started becoming more and more sensitive and intuitive. I started understanding more, like how to manage my sensitivities and also how to trust and hear all the different messages and guidances. And, yeah, very soon after that I got like a guidance to go to Mexico. Like I kept having visions of these jungles. I had no idea about the Amazon rainforest at that point, but I a friend of mine actually was like, oh, you should just come and stay at our place in Mexico for a while and I was like, okay, I mean, why stop now? Right, why stop now? I love it. I was living in a small town on the West Coast called Sayulita. It's probably a lot more people have heard of it now. It's not an unpopular place to go. It's a beach town, also great surf, but amazing culture, really kind people and a lot of different kinds of people kind of find their way there for different reasons, and so I got to live in their amazing space in the jungle, which was nice, and I continued doing my coaching work and I wanted to continue honestly exploring my relationship with these plants, because they had already helped me heal so much and I knew there was more. And when we talk about the other side of fear, I'm not going to lie it's the last thing I wanted to do. My friends were like, when I got there I think I saw them for like one day before they headed out and we had a conversation and they looked at me and they said, well, what do you think you're going to focus on or what's calling you right now? Right now. And I spent the entire time talking about how I had worked with these plant medicines and they had really, like, opened up a lot for me, but also the further exploration of them really terrified me, and so I just talked about how scared I was of doing of following that path even longer. And they said, well, it sounds like you need to follow your fear and you need to ask yourself why are you so scared of this thing and go for it and I was like, oh, here we go. But yeah, so in Mexico I had the opportunity a few times to explore a little bit more and what it really. It had amazing results for me, which I'm happy to share later on if it comes up.

Speaker 2: 21:49

And then, yes, the way I like to share this story because it is 100% true and so crazy is one day I woke up and I would often take these walks along the beach and I walked and there's a little jungle path that you can go through to get to a more secluded beach and there's a little jungle path that you can go through to get to a more secluded beach. So I was walking like along this jungle path and it's so beautiful and mystical. Even in there there's just some really giant trees and a lot of green and it's quiet. And so, just walking along and there's an opening and that's where you can sit by the water and there was a tree by the water and I was just sitting by the tree and like reading this book and, um, I think the book was actually like about synchronicities. Now that I remember it was like one of the book Chopra's books. I think it was either that or like a book with quotes in it, um, that were like about life. I can't remember which one of those books it was, but it was one of those two, I know for sure.

Speaker 2: 22:46

And I was reading it and then I just started to talk to the tree, like in my head. I wasn't talking out loud, I was talking to my head and I just asked the tree, like what's, you know what's what's next for me? Like what, where is this going? You know what's what's next for me? Like what, where is this going? And it said to me you, you got to go to the Amazon rainforest. And that's when, like, this conversation stopped being like a conversation in the head, like I just started bawling my eyes out. I was crying, like I was huddled over myself in the sand, like crying my eyes out.

Speaker 2: 23:26

And I remember I had my phone on me and I sent a text message to one of my friends, like live, like I'd love those voice notes. So I sent like a voice note and I was just like crying and I was like I know this sounds crazy, but this is the kind of friend I could tell these things to. I said, you know, this tree just told me this and I, I um, I really feel it and I don't understand it, but I feel it. And then I told another couple friends the next day and then within the next day somebody had invited me to Ecuador, ecuador, and to their place. They had some land there and they knew some people who worked in the jungle with some indigenous communities and so, yeah, it's just okay, great. I said like there's connection issues for a second.

Speaker 2: 24:19

So yeah, in just like two days, there was a clear path for exploring how to get. There was no, I knew this wasn't going to be something like. I looked on google and found, like found like a viaje, a trip, and was just like, oh yeah, let me go on this tour. Like it wasn't like that, um, but yeah, I just, and then and then, after I had that conversation, I I went back to the States, to San Diego, I gathered my self and my things and I felt into it for a couple weeks.

Speaker 2: 24:51

Any time I get like a big decision like that, I like to just take a moment, be like okay, like let's just take some time before you make a life altering decision to buy a one way ticket to another country. And so then I just like shared it with some people. I said, oh, that sounds great, you'll be fine. You know, you speak some Spanish, you'll be fine. So I went, and I went alone and I spent a couple of weeks in the capital city where I landed, just to get my bearings and adjust to the land and just the people, everything. It's a big, it's a big adjustment.

Speaker 2: 25:26

And, um, yeah, and then a couple of weeks later, I was on the land of my friends and we had one ceremony there, a fire like ceremony, um, like a Temezgal ceremony, and that ceremony is when I met my now husband and also when I came out of that Temezcal, the guy who was running it said to me hey, we're going to the jungle next week. You want to come? And I was like, oh my God, it's happening, it's really happening, it's really fucking happening. I'm like this is wild, like you literally cannot make this up.

Speaker 2: 26:09

I know, so that's how it started.

Speaker 1: 26:14

That's how it started. That's amazing. What a journey, crazy. Oh, my goodness. That's what you call trust and faith. Thank you, I agree. Oh, you know thinking about all of that because, literally, you allowed yourself to just be led like through the whole thing. So, with all of the fears and all of the uncertainties, what is your relationship with fear right now?

Speaker 2: 26:47

Honestly fear right now is like a motivator for me.

Speaker 1: 26:51

That's good, yeah, it's like oh, you feel scared about this.

Speaker 2: 26:55

Okay, let's do it. It's like oh, you feel scared about this.

Speaker 1: 27:00

Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2: 27:02

Oh my gosh, it's basically like that, yeah, I mean, and it doesn't have to be like an immediate thing, but it's, you know, it's like, oh, you're afraid to become a mom. Let's like make a baby tonight. It's not always like that quick, but that's my mindset. That's my mindset. It's like fear is pointing you in the right direction. Um, it's, it's a friend, and it's just like let's walk together, let's go for a walk.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Yeah, you know, I love that. That's a good perception shift, you know, because like going through the cancer, walking away from your PhD program ending up in. Amazon like meeting your husband, girl, I know, I know. Oh my goodness, Talking to the tree.

Speaker 2: 28:00

I don't think the tree knew at the time like the tree's about to get famous, like people are about to hear about this tree the trees.

Speaker 1: 28:06

I hope the tree is still there. I'm pretty sure the tree is still there. One thing about trees is that they tend to outlast mankind, true true, we're still there.

Speaker 2: 28:18

I, I really hope so.

Speaker 1: 28:20

Yeah, that is amazing. You know, during your process of working with plants, do you want to talk about any specific plant medicine that you've worked with, or maybe any other beings that you've communicated with during the process and how that was like for you?

Speaker 2: 28:41

Wow. Well, thanks for being willing to even talk about this realm. I know it's something that's becoming more and more mainstream and at least in the US and some other countries, and I also think I will say, before I even talk about it, it's like one message I always like to remember for myself. That I've learned through my own experiences working with plant medicine in different communities and different types of facilitators is just to always use your discernment and always be open to learning what the plants themselves can show you and teach you, and trusting yourself in your relationship to that plant and building that relationship just like you would like, we're saying, any friend or any energy, even the energy of fear, because I can say, definitely, every time that I worked with it, it's a pure spirit, it's like a loving spirit. So, when it comes to the plants themselves, I think for me I always felt something very curious. I was always very curious about what they had to share, because we're humans and, even though we have some similarities with plants, we have a different consciousness than plants, and so I always wondered they've been sharing? They've been here, like you said, much longer than us, and so what is their perspective or their teachings on what can help us be in that vibration of love, you know, mostly in balance and harmony that nature and the earth has with itself. And so, yeah, just trusting that vibration and those teachings helped me a lot because, yeah, that's what I'll say they're basically plants that, um, different communities have used culturally, um, as sacred plants because they've developed a relationship with this plant over centuries, um, and they've preserved that culture.

Speaker 2: 31:37

And I'll say for my culture in India, I believe that we also have used like more hallucinogenic or psychedelic plants a long time ago that we use for healing and curing different ailments and everything and balance and introspection and everything. And so I think, like one common plant that I will say between India and the communities that I was learning with in the Amazon is tobacco and it's not something people normally think of as a medicine because in our society now it's been really our relationship with plants in general has really changed. Plants in general has really changed. But yeah, tobacco is one of, they say, the original plants, like the grandfather plant, and it was interesting to me how we have that history of respecting in ancient times. You know now it's these plants can be abused or not used in a way that will bring people healing necessarily. I don't know if that's the case, maybe they still are bringing healing in a way.

Speaker 1: 33:04

We just can't see it, I guess it's the intention behind the use right yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:10

Yeah, yeah, and I love that too. Yeah, that's, that's, that's really big, but yeah, so I would just say they're just plants that have been used in prayer or in ceremony. And I think another cool thing that I'll also share about the plants is something I, like we were, I knew about like eating some of these plants. I knew about praying with them without consuming them, just holding them or praying with them, offerings, things like that, but I had never really learned how to use them in plant baths or anything like that, like in terms of like, yeah, just like a bath. But over there we did a lot of that as well. So it was not just working with them in ceremonies, but day-to-day, um, or week-to-week, uh, working them in plant baths. And it's the same thing, like you said, like the intention and and um.

Speaker 2: 34:11

I also think that you know, the more and more I work with these plants and maybe others have this experience too um, it's, it feels more and more like, um, like a remembrance, like we actually, we already know, a part of us maybe already knows how to communicate with these plants and a part of us like, let's say, we're on our moon or something and we're feeling like a little like out of balance or maybe tired or cranky or something, or have cramps.

Speaker 2: 34:45

I wonder what would happen if we just asked ourselves, or spirit, or something, and like what, what, what plants should I? I want to make a tea or something, or take a plant bath, what plants should I use? And I'm curious, like what plants would come to you or to me, because I think sometimes we already know, like what we, um, what our bodies like need, or what our spirits need, um, and so that's also another nice thing about it. It's like it doesn't have to just be certain kinds of plants. Everything has its place. Everything has its place and its purpose, and I always like to imagine the earth. I always like to imagine that it has given everything that we need for our healing. So everything we need for our healing is already here on the earth with us.

Speaker 1: 35:38

Yeah, and I love that you just mentioned that, because currently, as as we're speaking, I'm actually bleeding and I actually did something of the sort like, okay, I'm feeling this discomfort. What can I use, like, what will be best for me right now? I've been using turmeric for the past few days, wow, yeah. I've been using turmeric for the past few days, wow, yeah, so, and it's been so good, like everything has been calm, nice since then. I've been cool. So it's funny that you just mentioned that. I'm just like, yeah, that was just me a couple of days ago.

Speaker 2: 36:13

Wow.

Speaker 1: 36:14

I'm feeling some type of way Like what can I use? And it's just like turmeric, some ginger, like it was good, it was really really good, so very helpful. And yeah, plant baths. I love that you mentioned that plant baths are the real deal. Like they're so good and they're so helpful for all sorts of things for real.

Speaker 1: 36:38

Yeah, cleansing or um, after a given birth, like there's just so many ways they can use it, or just like for general relaxation, like there's so many purposes, so many ways that you could use um plant baths, so that's really cool. I love to know, though, like you know, you haven't worked with plants for some time, you know, haven't worked with different plants what would you say that you have learned so far, what were one of the biggest lessons that you've learned from working with plants? Whether it be something about yourself or something about your journey or life, you know, whatever it may be, what stands out to you that you've learned so far?

Speaker 2: 37:31

Great question and offline I would love to talk about to hear how you use the plant baths, because it's been like a transition going from a plate like in the jungle, where you can collect the plants outside, cook them over a fire and water and then go to the river and bathe with them, versus here, and so I would love to hear it too, just to also continue sharing with people and practicing those things here. So to answer your question, okay, thank you. To answer your question about takeaways One of the biggest things that I will circle back to this idea of remembrance that I said like we're like remembering something or maybe there's something we already know. So working with a plant medicine first of all, really helped me to remember some things that I knew but I had suppressed, about my own childhood trauma, and while these memories actually didn't surface in the ceremonies themselves, I think the plants knew that if they surface in the ceremonies, for whatever reason, I might not trust it fully, so the memories actually came back to me outside of ceremony, but I really believe it was the plants that helped open me up and that energy of facing my fears and the energy of connecting with and trusting the process and breathing and learning how to. It was like ceremony would give me the tools to face these things in my life.

Speaker 2: 39:32

Like learning how to manage myself emotionally when you're feeling in your body so charged up on working with the plant medicine because so much, so many different hormones in your body are like being released and you know it's described as like being near death and it's it can be so intense.

Speaker 2: 40:05

Manage myself in those spaces. It gave me a lot of confidence, unknowingly, like unconsciously, out in real life, to go through intense things and make my way through them with grace, basically, and without like disrupting everything around me and burning it all down or having some sort of like crazy. Like not doesn't mean you know, you don't have a panic attack or you don't feel sad, nothing like that, but I mean like really, while being able to still walk my path, while still being able to live my life and, um, yeah, and just be me. Uh, so, yeah, it just and you know that reminds me of Alison Wonderland, because she like went through that whole ceremony and came out of it with like the confidence to like sing her song, yeah, so it's like that. It gave me the confidence and the trust in myself and the belief in myself to sing my song, you know.

Speaker 1: 40:58

That's beautiful. Yeah, that's really beautiful, puja. And it's true like sometimes the insight that we gain from plant medicine happens after the fact. I think I went through the same thing recently with cacao and, um, I went in with the tension of seeking clarity and ceremony was lovely, was so nice, and then after that, I think by the first week going into the second week, after that, so much information started coming to me and you know, just like how we were saying earlier, like when you're just sitting there and things just occur to you and I'm just like you know, like all this information suddenly comes to you and you're like, wow, right, it was mind blowing.

Speaker 1: 41:50

And I think what it taught me is the importance of trusting my intuition, the importance of just honoring that connection, like staying connected to myself and allowing my intuition to lead me, because a lot of the things that I needed clarity about were the things that I was struggling with, I was resisting, I was fighting with when I really didn't need to this entire time, because the whole time the answers were always within me. And the cacao showed me that. And just by sitting, you know, I remember I was sitting on this same couch, you know, like a week after the ceremony and all the answers were just there and I'm just like, oh my God, like how did I know? How did I not know? But then I recognized that I knew the entire time, right, but there was just this cloud and the shadow and I just couldn't see through it, right?

Speaker 2: 42:55

Yeah exactly.

Speaker 1: 42:57

Yeah, it taught me so much. So it's really good of you saying that sometimes the answers might not come in that particular session of working with the plant, but the plant continues to work with you even after the fact. It stays with you. The spirit of the plant does stay with you, you, and it continues to work with you even after the ceremony. So it's very, very good that you mentioned that.

Speaker 2: 43:28

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your specific example with cacao. It's really nice to hear your own experience too, because definitely talking about these plant medicines can also feel like a vulnerable. We're talking about a lot of, you know, unique topics today, and it's nice.

Speaker 1: 43:47

I think a lot on the podcast. We did a lot on the podcast yeah, I figured, I figured there will be more, just wait. Yeah, there will be future episodes. Like you know, sometimes I remember when I first started a podcast and I know a lot of the things that I talk about a lot of people around me don't talk about, and I'm just like people might look at me like this girl is not okay.

Speaker 1: 44:10

I'm just like I don't care. I enjoy talking about this and I will. I shall. Um, yeah, you can't shut me up beauty beauteous. Yeah, it's gonna be spoken about, um, whether you agree or not. Um, yeah, on the podcast we we talk about a lot of things that are out there, right, um, that some people may consider like it's a bit woo, you know. So yeah, and that's okay, yeah. Yeah, I do me, you do you what?

Speaker 2: 44:49

Well, it's good. It's good not to hide much, because the thing about the things that people don't want to talk about or that maybe aren't the norm to talk about, is that it's not like they're not happening or that exactly you know, like our, like the menstruation, or even plant medicine, or like people how cacao is probably in most grocery stores now, turmeric same thing, um, tobacco can be found everywhere.

Speaker 1: 45:25

So we either talk about it or yeah intention and perception, and I've had people share, like, very vulnerable stories as well, you know, and I mean that's what it's all about, like we're having a genuine authentic connection and we're sharing something heart to heart, and maybe if we had more conversations like this, maybe the world will look a little bit different, you know what I mean? Or a lot different, right? And that's why podcasts like this are really important, so that we can have these conversations, because this is life, this is real life, right? Whether you want to talk about it or not, it's happening.

Speaker 2: 46:06

True, true.

Speaker 1: 46:07

Yeah, but thank you so much. Like you know, I've I'm really enjoying this conversation, you know. I just wanted to dial it back to one thing about the cancer that you went through. I know you mentioned your childhood trauma you don't have to get into it but I wanted you to talk about when you recognize where your cancer come from and how that manifested physically for you, because we spoke about the energy the last time we spoke about the energy, you know we spoke about the last time we spoke about stuck energy in the body, the stagnant energy or things that were like, I guess, things that you said that you forgot, right, or?

Speaker 1: 46:51

the things that we might even disassociate from and and stuff like that. So I want you to talk a bit about how you recognize why the cancer manifested for you and then kind of like how you began to work through that and begin to move some of that energy out.

Speaker 2: 47:12

Thank you for asking this question and for trusting like also my experience with how I saw it. Like also my experience with how I saw it, um. So, yeah, you know, one thing that's interesting that I will say first is cancer and the type of cancer and, like the stage that I had. It was like quite strong uh of a. It's a quite strong diagnosis and, um, I hope that by me sharing about my experience with healing this, I can really, if anybody listening is, having anything with their body, but especially the people that are having something really strong like um, maybe like a cancer that for themselves or something else, like a, like a big diagnosis that in society sometimes is viewed as like, oh my god, like you're gonna die, like, um, something like this.

Speaker 2: 48:05

It it's um, hopefully, yeah, it just gives some hope and hope in context that, um and I say that because the way that I got, the way that I healed and work with these energies and moving these energies it it took. It took a long time in, or like in our linear time uh, meaning I was diagnosed in 2019, the cancer itself went away quickly, um, that year, but the physical effect, the physical physicality of my body, remained worse than actually. Before I was diagnosed. There was no cancer, but my body was clearly in need of something in need of my attention and it did not.

Speaker 2: 48:52

It did not let go and say, oh, cancer's done, I'm good to go, go ahead, do whatever you want, no way. That's actually what led me to working with the plant medicine, because I literally could not even go on walks, I could not go on runs. I had so many different symptoms that were I just was going nuts Like it was just so hard. So that's what motivated me to keep looking and keep working with it and keep asking questions and not giving up. And the first message that I got so it came like in steps and waves and, I do believe, like the universe gave me what I could handle at the time. So in the beginning the universe did not tell me oh Pooja, you have 30 years of repressed, 29 years of repressed memories. Here they are, good luck. It did not work like that at all. It was first things first. They said the message that I got, or the intuition I had, was you got to leave the program, you're not on the right path, this isn't for you right now. There's nothing wrong with this path, it's just not not for you. So you need to go in a different direction. You need to stop doing what you're doing. So I did do that and I believe that's actually why the cancer went away.

Speaker 2: 50:08

But other people might have their opinions about why it went away, but that's what I felt. It was a path to redirection. And I needed a serious redirection because I wouldn't listen if my body had not been like the happiest camper before that. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't have quit, I just wouldn't have. I was too stuck in that, in that way of being. So it sort of needed to be something big, and I joke about that with myself because it's like I felt like, oh, and I joke about that with myself because it's like I felt like, oh, god knows me like need something big, something to be like, yeah, wake up, wake up. So that was the first message was you know? And? And then, and then it wasn't until I was in Mexico. Well, and I'll say I don't know if you've heard of Louise Hay or if that's something that maybe listeners are familiar with, but she's basically who's done a lot of work around correlating physical dis-ease with like a story that's in our bodies or an energy that's in our bodies.

Speaker 2: 51:30

And she has like a just a chart, a very simple chart of like a host of a whole list, like a medical dictionary, but then instead of medical terminology it just says like built up anger or indecision, stuff like that. And at some point I used to like live and breathe with that book, but thankfully I haven't had to use it in some years now. But you know, I used to look into it a lot and I'm sure I looked up cancer at one point and it felt to me just intuitively like the cancer was a lot of built up resentment and anger and hatred turned inwards, because if it was turned outwards I would have been sort of maybe it's both, but it really felt like it was stuck, like it wasn't turned outwards because there was no expression of it. It was just sitting in there and about to explode inwardly and I actually I don't know what it says in Louise Hay's book. It's called Heal the Body or something. I don't know what it is cancer, what it is cancer on there. Um, but there was another one that was acne that I used to look up a lot because I had really really bad acne since I was probably around 11 years old and, yeah, and it never went away in adulthood and it was really really like like cystic acne and I would pray about this because it was really hard and it made me feel really left out in the sense of, yeah, I felt like I was eating all the right things and taking care of my body and yet it just kept showing up. Nothing that I did worked over these 20 years.

Speaker 2: 53:14

And in her book I remember seeing it's like dislike of self hiding from the world, like a part of you. It's like you're sort of putting on this mask almost because you don't want to show your true face. And a lot of these body images are also very like metaphorical, like if you have a problem in your foot, it's because you're afraid of moving forward. It's all connected Like it's not so hard to decode it once you start getting in the habit of doing it, so hard to decode it once you start getting in the habit of doing it. And so, yeah, that's those two things the anger and the resentment.

Speaker 2: 53:46

And then this like hiding was so interesting because I didn't feel like I was hiding anything, you know, because I felt like a pretty transparent person, like I'm not, like I didn't think I was consciously doing anything like wrong or I know it's like sounds bad doing something wrong, but that's what I felt. I felt like there's something that I'm doing like wrong or I'm not getting something. So then it wasn't until I had all these seeds planted, like I had read this book, I had thought about it but I didn't know what it was. And then I went to Mexico and it was a couple of days after a plant ceremony. That was my birthday and I had gotten the message don't plant anything.

Speaker 2: 54:32

A big gift is like coming your way and the energy I felt around my birthday. It was like very like calm, very quiet and very solitary, like you're not going to be out, like partying and I mean I didn't really have anyone to do that with or it's not normally how I would celebrate, but still it was an interesting sort of clear energy is like keep the day open for yourself. And I woke up on my birthday and that's when I the first memory came back to me in my dreams.

Speaker 1: 55:04

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 55:05

And that was the gift. And I woke up and the memory was of me being sexually abused by my pediatrician from birth to like I assume it was birth. I mean, my first memory of it is like four, but from zero till I left 17. And what I had experienced was something I thought was completely normal until I got the memory back. And then I literally looked up on Google like what is a pediatrician supposed to check during a routine exam, and I looked it up and I was like, okay, that is definitely not what happened and I was devastated.

Speaker 2: 55:44

I was devastated. I spent the day. I mean, from the moment I woke up, I started feeling like so much grief.

Speaker 1: 55:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 55:52

And I reached out to the people who had held the like, held space for me during the ceremony and they said this is is not uncommon, but they didn't really know what to do.

Speaker 2: 56:00

I think, because it's something I don't know, they just there's no way you can really fix, there's nothing to fix.

Speaker 2: 56:08

It's sort of just like they're there for support and also encouraged me to reach out to anybody else that I wanted to for support. So I just reached out to some friends that I knew had experiences with being sexually abused as a children and I couldn't believe that I was the one reaching out about it, because up until this point in my life, literally like so many people, I cannot tell you how many people had come to me with their memories after they remembered their, their own sexual abuse experiences or they had remembered throughout the whole time and they had never told anybody and they just told I was the first person they told. That happened to me many times throughout my life, way before I had my memories back and um. So that was the first big sign to me that something like I'm releasing the energy is starting to move. This energy is starting to move, this weight is starting to be lifted and the anger and the resentment is starting to be validated and seen for what it is, which is rational a rational, very rational reaction to something very violent.

Speaker 1: 57:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 57:23

And that was just the first memory. After that I, over the next four or five years, I got um hundreds of memories back um them essentially getting more and more closer to home. The ones that were the hardest to see were the ones that came last, and it was just just this process, this very long, grueling process, but that's if I only look at that. That thread in my life, right, that part was really long, hard and grueling, but along that time I met my husband, I met my dog, we lived in a couple different countries. We spent so much time learning in the, in the forest, we traveled, you know, we had so many magical moments.

Speaker 2: 58:01

So it wasn't like this was my life, although this was a part of my life that was so heavy and really required so much of my emotional energy and was not really something I could share with too many people, especially as I got progressively more intense, which is, I think, why I had the blessing to be able to go and sit in the forest and go through these ceremonies, because I think a part of me knew and a part of the world knew you're going to need this strength. You're going to need this strength when you have to. You know what's the latest thing I did is report my parents and other family members who's actually abused me and trafficked me to to the to the authorities, which I did that this past week. Um, so yeah, it's like part of you know.

Speaker 2: 58:52

I told you how the ceremonies, like like in Alice in Wonderland, prepared me to sing my song and part of that is learning our truth, learning what we're really made of and learning what we've really gone through, and seeing the truth in the situations. Sometimes it's even beyond our lifetime.

Speaker 2: 59:10

Sometimes it might be seeing the truth of our family's lineage or their experiences generations back, and it's painful, and it's also seeing the reality of the truth of the times we live in and the things that are going on now that are all connected to what I see, that I experienced, the violence I experienced, um, and these energies I'm learning to heal and grieve are not that different than what the earth has experienced and in the conquest, you know, in the rape of the earth through colonization, or you know what's going on right now in so many different areas of the world where there's just so you know, there's so much violence, and so I'm hoping that the work that you know, you and I and a lot of us are doing to honor the truth of whatever we, whatever's in our like scope, right Like this, this is what presented itself to me as something that needed to be looked at, and how did it move? Is just acknowledging it really and accepting it, and then crying about it, screaming about it, making art, all the things, all the things.

Speaker 2: 1:00:23

Yeah writing, painting, dancing, calling friends, asking for support, all of it Doing things like this, you know, sharing my story and and connecting with people who want to talk about some of these things not, maybe not, you know, we don't want to necessarily focus on the pain, but really acknowledging it and validating it, I think it's. It's so important because a lot of people don't feel seen in their pain or like in their experience, you know so. So, yeah, Thank you for listening to that and asking about it thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:01:02

yeah, I, I completely identify, because it took me a long time to to recognize that what I experienced in childhood was also rape.

Speaker 1: 1:01:11

Took me a while to even remember the rape right, and this was by a cousin of mine. So I completely, completely identify with everything that you said there, and this is why it's so important that we have these conversations, because, just like how you and I repressed the memory or didn't recognize the abuse for what it was, there are other people, women and men that has experienced that and maybe they have repressed memories or maybe, if they do remember, they're ashamed to speak about it. They're afraid the stigma and everything else that is attached to that. People not believe in you, people second-guessing you and then experiencing that second-hand victimization again, like there's just so many levels to it. So thank you so much for sharing that with me. I'm so grateful, so grateful for you, pooja. This was an amazing conversation and now let's plug yourself again. Okay, no problem, tell us where we can find you and you know, your book and anything else that you have going on.

Speaker 2: 1:02:19

Okay. So the best place is to just go to my website and you'll see there. If you want to book a free concert with me, you can totally do that and you can also even if you just want to connect. You want to use that time to just connect and just chat. I'm a big believer in just organic connection. So hit me up, you know, don't be afraid to take up a spot on my calendar. I it's really an honor for me always to to learn more about you and connect with you. And yeah, you'll see my book on there and there's even a little recording, like I audio I made, of one of my favorite poems you could listen to if you want. So that's really, yeah, I think that's it. And there's a contact, I think on the contact me page like there's an email. So sometimes people like they don't want to sign up for something, but they want to write, to write me, so you can use that too. I'd love to hear from you.

Speaker 1: 1:03:17

That sounds amazing. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 1:03:19

This was fun from you. That sounds amazing. Thank you so much. This was fun. Yeah, thank you, it was. It was a blast. And yeah, I'm just amazed. I'm amazed by this, this work you're doing, and really inspired too. So thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 1:03:33

Thank you. If you resonated with anything we shared in this episode, reach out and tell us all about it, and check out Pooja's work. Her links are in the show notes below. As usual, thank you so much for your love and continuous support Until next time, thank you.