Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely LOVE to be together and the ones who merely tolorate each other in their old age? I always want to run up to the cute old couples who still hold hands while walking down the street and ask them all their secrets to relationship success. This podcast gives me the opportunity to do just that!
I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to 4 kids, weekly podcaster and relationship and intimacy expert/enthusiast. I help couples ditch the resentment and roommate syndrome and increase communication, connection and commitment, so they can write and live out their happily ever after love story. If that sounds like something you want, this podcast is absolutely for YOU!
Each week, I'm teasing out the principles that keep couples hopelessly devoted and intoxicatingly in love with each other for a lifetime and beyond. I'm searching high and low for the secrets of happily ever after and sharing those secrets with you right here. Sound marriage advice for Christian couples who want to live happily ever after and achieve a truly intimate friendship and passionate partnership, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it!
Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
What Monopoly Deal Has To Do With Intimacy with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo
Tony and Elisa DiLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage discuss how busy couples can rekindle intimacy and connection through intentional time together. They reveal the biggest roadblocks to intimacy are lack of meaningful conversation and diminished sexual connection, with practical solutions for couples who feel like roommates.
• The "we'll make time when..." trap leads many couples to disconnect by the time life finally slows down
• Couples who delay nurturing their relationship often reach empty nester stage feeling like strangers
• A time audit usually reveals at least 30 minutes daily that could be redirected to relationship building
• Start with just 15 minutes of connection through card games, comedy clips, or simple physical touch
• Difficult conversations may require a third-party facilitator to create safe space for both partners
• Internal forgiveness work is essential for moving past resentment without necessarily verbalizing it
• Children have free will—their choices aren't always a reflection of parenting approaches
• It's never too late to transform your relationship, as demonstrated by couples married 30+ years
• More relationship resources exist now than ever before, making help accessible to all couples
Visit IntimacyMastery.com to take an assessment of your relationship and get a roadmap for improving connection over 30, 60, and 90 days.
Are we on screen? I can't tell. Are we on the?
Speaker 2:screen. Yeah, because look at I'm far off. My hair is all messy looking.
Speaker 3:I turn off my selfie when I'm coaching because I don't need to stare.
Speaker 2:But I asked because I would have been like out over here.
Speaker 3:And so apparently.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's funny. Am I even recording? I am recording Cool, all right, I'm not like on.
Speaker 2:There you go. You should actually put that up there. I would laugh. If you put that up there. You're like, hey, I just having a fun conversation before we started Check out Tony, like making sure his hair looks good.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. I'm your host, Monica Tanner, and I brought back some of our favorite guests. We've had them before Tony and Elisa DiLorenzo, of One Extraordinary Marriage freshly back from a cruise. But I'm looking a little tanner than you guys, so I don't know if you guys spent enough time in the sun.
Speaker 3:Well, it's all the lights in the studio, because we are actually probably the darkest we've ever been this early in the year as we're recording Absolutely.
Speaker 2:We did get a lot of sun on the marriage getaway cruise, but there did come a point in time where we're like we just need to be inside because we are out on the deck out on the islands. And it just got to a point where it's just sort of like I think it's time just to sort of sit inside and just chill on the sun.
Speaker 1:Very good. Well, I watch a lot of tennis this time of year, so I get my color.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But I'm so, so, so excited to have you guys back on the show. We always have the most fantastic conversations and today I want to talk about our favorite topic intimacy. Yeah, always a good one, always a good one. So my first question for you guys is what do you guys see? What is the biggest roadblock to intimacy that you know? When couples come to see you, elisa, like what do they say? Like we are struggling with this.
Speaker 3:I think you know right now what I'm seeing is it generally falls into one of two camps. One is and I literally just had a coaching call in the last hour and this is a situation like there's been. There are so many distractions that couples lose the time to actually have a conversation, and so when they're not having those conversations that's one, that's the emotional intimacy. The other one that really starts to get rocked is their sexual intimacy, because we're not not, we don't time for each other, we're not connecting, we're not having conversations, and then where's the time to actually have sex? And so it's usually like one or two that I'm hearing most of when a couple comes in for coaching.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's interesting Elisa brings those up because, as you know, monica, for those of you who are listening, it's an honor and a blessing to be here with you.
Speaker 2:Monica and I and us we've known each other for many years and get to talk. And Monica knows that we moved to Naples, florida, from San Diego eight months ago now I think it is eight, nine months ago and that transition has made a change in me because, coming from San Diego and we lived there 21 years saw that County grow and explode in the the busyness of life, and we come to Naples, southwest Florida, come in the middle of summer, it's pretty chill and I even found for myself like I think life catches us, especially in this emotional intimacy area where it's like we need to find time, but life is just moving and moving, and moving, so we never find time to just relax. And moving to Southwest Florida, I've been practicing that and it's tough, um, especially when you live in a place where you're constantly moving and you got kids and you got a full life and, and so finding time to have spaces is beneficial and it's needed, but it's tough to get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, and I also think I think it's pretty common and pretty easy to fall into this We'll make time for our relationship when right, Because you're locked into your relationship, You're like we're married, we have vows, you know, but right now we've got a grind on our business, We've got these children, you know all of these activities and things like that. But it's fine, because life will slow down eventually. Has that been your experience?
Speaker 3:Well, you know, the challenge is is that you know the kids get older, their problems shift. You know, yes, they move out, they get married, they do their kinds of things, but you have a different role with your adult children than you do with your toddlers. But you know, if you're not intentional, where you find your time is, we're so disconnected, we're doing separate things and I've got all the time in the world to do what I want to do, but we don't make time to do the things that we want to do or the things that will actually keep us together as a couple. So so, yeah, I mean a lot of those people. They're right, things will slow down, but you might not be married when things slow down or happy right.
Speaker 3:You know it's very easy to be together and discontent.
Speaker 2:And we see a lot of folks who are empty nesters, who are that way. Right, they get to this point when, and then they get to the place when, and then they're like, what do we do now? Like, who are you? Why are we even together?
Speaker 2:And Alisa and I, we know, and for us, as our children were growing and getting older, we had it's funny you say that because when we were young, married, we had nothing. We scrapped, and we scrapped for many years lost our home in the Great Recession, had to rebuild, but we got to a point where it was like, no, we're going to start traveling, we're going to start doing the things we said when, and it's been really good because we started doing that prior to the children graduating from high school. And I'm so glad we did, because if we didn't, I don't think we'd be traveling like we do now, because I think we would have found some other barrier to stop us from really traveling and seeing places and and doing things that we like to do, which is, you know, go see new, new cities, new towns, explore. Explore Elisa loves a great coffee shop towns.
Speaker 1:Explore, explore. Elisa loves a great coffee shop.
Speaker 3:That's a way to see a city.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I like. I mean, when we go to different places, I like to try out whatever food is there. I mean, yeah, same kind of thing, yes, yes. But I think it's really interesting because most of my clients they are older, they've been married for longer and they are at the point where life could potentially slow down a little bit.
Speaker 1:However, they weren't intentional in the beginning of their marriage and so they get to the point now where there's so much resentment buildup they don't really know how to be friends. And now they've got this question do we want to spend, like the last years of our life with somebody that we don't like very much, or do we want to move on and see if we can find somebody else? And so a lot of my clients are wrestling with that question. Do we try to salvage what's here, because we didn't really put a lot of intentional effort into this, or do we just start over with someone who we don't have baggage with and there's not like all of this pent up? You know resentment and frustration and you know you didn't do this and you weren't a good friend to me here and you know all of these things. So, yeah, I, I can definitely see we're not making the time for emotional and sexual intimacy can really really catch up to you.
Speaker 3:Well, and I was gonna say I mean, I'm thinking about, you know, folks in that stage of life and the reality is, is that if you don't do the work to heal from all of those emotions, the resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, whatever that might be, whether you do the work married or you do the work before you marry again, you better do the work Because even though that other person might not have the new person might not have all that baggage, you're still coming with all your own stuff. And if you haven't resolved those issues, if you, you know, I often say to my coaching clients I'm like you owe it to yourself and to the relationship to at least give it everything, give it 100%, to see what do we look like if we actually both put in 100%, if we did some of the dirty work, if we rolled up our sleeves and said, okay, we didn't do it before, yeah, we've got some stuff we got to work through, we got to like. The image that just came to mind is kind of like mucking out the stalls, not that I'm a horse person, but like you got to get rid of the. You got to get rid of the. You know what? Yeah. To find out what's in there, yeah, and to see where the treasure is.
Speaker 3:And if you do that and you know so many times what couples find is, oh, you know. It's like the scene in the movie hook with the kid looking at Robin Williams and who's Peter Pan? And he looks at him and after all of these challenges and whatnot, he goes oh, there you are, peter. And I think that there are a lot of times in our marriage that when we clean this stuff out and we get rid of, we do business with the resentments, we start looking at our spouses again. We're like, oh, there you are, there's the person that I married, there's the person that I fell in love with, there's the person that I know. But you have to do the work, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, we were on this marriage getaway cruise and there are two couples I can think of similar places. One was married 39 years. They celebrated their 45th anniversary with us on the cruise. Another couple had been married 37 years at the time that they found one extraordinary marriage, both couples one it took them three years, one they're at the six year mark but found us in those places in times where they were stuck, where they were contemplating do we do this, do I live this out with you or do I go somewhere else. And both of them, both couples, did two things. They were intentional, they got back on the horse and they started riding it. So they took action.
Speaker 2:And so many, many times it's easy when we look at our emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy, it's easier to go like why would I do this with you right now, when it's I can go somewhere else? But if we were willing to do the work here, I would suspect more times than not. Again, there are times when there are things that are out of control trauma from past, whatever may need to be addressed. And yet I would say more times than not. If we begin to get intentional, find some time and take some action, be it in our emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy, things begin to shift, things begin to change and we got to see that you know firsthand with these couples.
Speaker 1:So that's really cool. So if somebody's listening to this episode and they're like that's where we're at. We have no time, we are just caught up in the busyness of life. We feel like roommates. We're just, you know, going about our, our daily activities, our, our communication is super transactional. And sex I mean, who has time for that? Right? Where do you suggest they start? Like, what is the first step out of that?
Speaker 3:Well, if you're my coaching client, I'd encourage you to actually do a time audit on how you're spending your time, because I can promise you that there's probably 30 minutes and you can actually look this up. You don't even have to do a time audit, you can go to your usage this up. You don't even have to do a time audit. You can go to your usage on that thing and it'll tell you how many minutes hours you're on that every day, and my guess is most of us probably have at least 30 minutes. That shows up on that thing On the like, the social media, my news channels, things like that. You have the time, mm. Hmm, it's not a matter of having time, it's a matter of choosing time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So I've done my time audit and I'm like I scrolled Instagram for an hour today. What would you suggest? What do I change that hour? So, let's say, I'm like willing to give it up. I'm like, okay, I'm going to, you know, be more careful about, I'm going to be more intentional with this time. What do I do with it? How do I reconnect with my partner now?
Speaker 3:Well, I'm going to give you a little bit of a break and say you don't have to give up the full hour to start. Okay, good.
Speaker 2:All of a sudden it's like whoa that we went from zero to like a hundred.
Speaker 3:That's a little fast and you're going to get the Twitch, the scrolling Twitch, and so like, let's not, let's not go from you know, just completely cut it off. I like, and one of the things that Tony and I have done is think in terms of like, what are those 15 minute increments of connection? Especially if you haven't been doing anything for years, 15 minutes is actually going to feel like a long time.
Speaker 2:It will.
Speaker 3:I joke to my coaching clients that it's like your ice cream moment, right Like you can go to an ice cream store. We live in Southwest Florida, so you know, on average probably about 80 degrees here. You do not have that long to eat an ice cream cone.
Speaker 2:You're under the gun. It's going to melt, it's going to melt, and if it's summer you better just stay.
Speaker 3:It's 90% humidity.
Speaker 2:It's going to melt.
Speaker 3:So you think in terms of, like, what can you do in 15 minutes? Well, you might. I mean, one of our favorite card games is Monopoly Deal. You might get in, you know, a hand or two of Monopoly Deal you might be able to pull out. Can I say something real?
Speaker 2:quick with the Monopoly Deal. It may not be this deep like we're going to our souls and opening up everything. What we're talking about right now is how do we get started? Yeah, that's a great start, and so just the act of playing a game like Monopoly Deal, yahtzee, some other card game, some other dice game, something that allows you to bring in the recreational intimacy which is the pillar. That's all about having fun and doing activities together. It just starts to open up some conversation, some laughter, maybe a smile, but it doesn't feel so like I'm under the gun or you're under the gun, where, if we were trying to sit knee to knee and sit down, you know, across from each other on the couches and we're going to have this deep like conversation which we haven't had in years.
Speaker 1:That's so smart, like Monopoly deal, or look up a comedy clip or something and just enjoy it and laugh together. Like the wisdom in that I think is so smart is because as humans, we want to feel things and I think, like bringing out Monopoly deal like I just got so excited about that because I'm like, oh, in me it would bring out the competitiveness right, like I would get so, like I would just be like I have to win this right and if I don't, win I'm going to be mad and then you know it, like there's definitely feeling and I'm doing that with my partner right Like we're, we're like bringing that out in each other and hopefully you can laugh and be like, oh, there she is.
Speaker 1:There's that girl I married who does not like to lose, right, like it just could be fun and restart those emotions that you're feeling like with each other and around each other again.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 3:Well, and you had mentioned earlier that you know so many people in this phase of life just kind of feel like roommates, right, and if you think about you, know your relationship with, you know whether it was college roommates or you know for most of us that's where it was, or maybe early twenties, before we got married. I mean, like these are your pals, these are the people you're hanging out with, but you know if they're there. If they're not there, whatever, take it or leave it. But when you find your person right, when you get married, there are all of these. You know emotions, strong emotions, passions, if you will, and so it's figuring out what are the ways to jumpstart those?
Speaker 3:What are the ways to you know, again, if we're only talking about the 15 minutes, like we could bring that down to five, like a five minute window, and go okay, like are we going to hug one another? Am I actually going to kiss you? Are we going to sit on the couch and just hold hands together, not like hours upon hours upon hours of touch that might have you cringing, but instead engaging in those small moments of physical intimacy that just remind you of this is how we touch each other. Again, right To break out of that roommate silo where it's just like, whatever we're just. You know, like I'm walking by you in the kitchen, I don't touch you, or you know walking down the hallway.
Speaker 2:Small times over time make a big impact, and I think too often we look at social media or other people and think that what we are seeing is they're actually doing that all day, every day, and that's an absolute lie. And so even for Elise and I, we have a lot going on. We don't sit next to each other at work and sit, you know, and be like, hey, what are you doing over there? I mean, I have my own space, she has her own space, and yet we still have to do this in our own lives and we'll play Monopoly deal.
Speaker 2:There will be times when we are feeling disconnected emotionally, like a lot's going on, there's things happening, and she'll do it. She'll be like, hey, let's play some Monopoly deal, and I'll be like we have this in us. At times it's sort of like really Like I'm thinking about this and I got this on my mind and I got that on my mind, and she's like, no, we're going to play. Okay, you know, one card game in her competitiveness comes out, my competitiveness comes out, so it's like all right, we usually play two out of three.
Speaker 3:It has to be a daily winner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to have a win, somebody has to win. But it just gets us going again and it's just like, oh, wow, like in that small little touch on her hand or her knee or you know, after the game she wins, I win. It's the kiss. It just says, hey, I love you. Fun game, thank you for doing it. And we may go off and do our things afterwards, get ready for bed, or hey, I got to go run errands, or I got a meeting, or whatever it may be. But it's just that quick connection point where we can at least go.
Speaker 1:Hey, we had some fun today, so good. So I want to switch gears, but not really, because I think one of the things that happens when we get older there are a lot of couples they've done such a good job of avoiding the really tough conversations that they get to a point where they're like not talking anymore because it's just too hard to talk about this topic or this topic or, you know, there's been a lot of resentment built up, like maybe the kids made choices that you don't agree with and you don't want to bring it up because that's just going to bring up a whole lot of contention. How do we pick up? You know, starting to talk about things, maybe even scratching the surface of talking about those things that feel really difficult to talk about.
Speaker 3:Well, I think for a lot of couples um, I had coaching clients say this to me the other day sometimes it is easier to start with a facilitator or a coach, right, it's getting into that environment where you know when you're with a coach, you kind of hold yourself in, not that you aren't being vulnerable, transparent, but you know you're going to hold your emotions in check a little bit. You might not shut down in the same way or you might choose to say those things because you know that there's a third party there that is going to mediate, facilitate, navigate that conversation with you. As opposed to what this couple had told me, they're like if it was just the two of us, we would just fall back into our own old patterns, right? Well, you're going to shut down and you're going to storm out and we're never going to talk about that. And people will tell you, right, every couple listening to this, or every spouse, you know what your dance is when you guys get around those touchy subjects and so bringing in a coach like yourself to go okay, how are we going to do this?
Speaker 3:These are the topics, and then having that person draw out the conversation make it a safe space for both spouses to be heard, cause I think that's where a lot of the shutdown happens. A touchy subject comes up, one person gets to say all of their feelings and thoughts about it. Then the other person tries to say something, and the first person's like, no, no, no, I don't want to talk about it anymore. And the second person's like well, I'm not. What about me?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Cause shockingly, our spouses have feelings and thoughts too. It's so crazy.
Speaker 1:It's so crazy.
Speaker 2:Individual work, forgiveness. We we have to work on forgiveness. I think if you're stuck, um, in a place of resistance, of not willing to have these conversations anymore, uh, things in the past that you're not willing to let these conversations anymore, things in the past that you're not willing to let go of, you have to. And Elisa and I have been married 28 years, so it's not like we're brand new married and you know everything is happy-go-lucky every single day. Right now we're just smiling.
Speaker 2:We've had 28 years of life happen and I would say over those years we've had had had, we have, individually, have had to extend forgiveness to one another, and we may say it, we may not. It may be something that it's just like I have to work through. I need to release it, I need to not harden my heart and I need to love my wife. It doesn't mean I have to make this proclamation to her that, oh my gosh, you know what you did to me five years ago. I have now forgiven you. No, it's not that it's me coming to a place of going like she's not perfect, I'm not perfect, and so I need to release this so I can allow her in and I can allow the conversation to begin to happen, and I think Elisa and I have had to do that many a times over our marriage and again, not saying that we proclaim that to one another, I'm just saying we've had to do that multiple times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I have a client right now and he's really struggling because they have a large family, they have several children and they have there's boys and there's girls in the family, right, and so he feels kind of responsible for, you know, mentoring the boys and helping them, you know, become good humans and he feels like they are.
Speaker 1:You know they've kind of launched out and they're they're doing great things and you know he's really proud of the way he mentored the boys.
Speaker 1:But then the girls really struggle and so he doesn't like who she's dating and she's not making great choices and he blames his wife for not doing a very good job, kind of mentoring slash, raising the girls, and so like he's having to do some forgiveness forgiveness but also like just kind of rewiring, like hey, that was both of us, like we both raised all of our children together, and if we didn't, then that's also on us. Like if I wasn't a big enough presence in the girl's life, that's on me, right or so or if I didn't let you know mom, have enough influence on the boys, that's also on me, right. So how do you recommend, like you know, if we get to this place where we're really looking at our spouse, like they didn't do well, like, yeah, I don't like the way they showed up, I don't like the way they mentored the kids, or you know these big grievances that are hard to talk about yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, before I jump into that answer, can we also just acknowledge the fact that our children have free will?
Speaker 2:Yes, and you can raise all of your kids.
Speaker 3:Let's just say similarly, because we know birth order does matter in terms of who gets away with what. They're just children, though, and they do their own thing, but they do their own thing, and so sometimes the choices that they make are not a reflection of us as parents.
Speaker 3:They're a reflection of the maturity and development of our children and we have loved them well and they still make bonehead decisions Like I just need to put that out there, because sometimes it can be easy to blame the spouse when it's like, well, just need to put that out there, because sometimes it's, it can be easy to blame the spouse when it's like, well, actually, that's, that's our 20 something. Making a choice that we don't agree with is going to be disastrous. But you know what, if he or she has to go through that, it stinks. But we all had a lot of love and whatnot from our parents and we still made mistakes. That I'm I can tell you to this day that there are a few in our past that I know my parents weren't thrilled with.
Speaker 2:And mine.
Speaker 3:Right. So so I would say that, first and foremost, yeah, good, good point, very good point.
Speaker 3:And then coming to this place of blaming your spouse or having strong feelings about how your spouse mentored the children. That is definitely something that you both need to work through, because the other spouse is going to feel it right. They're going to feel like they don't match up, they're going to feel like they did everything wrong and the reality is is that you know, the Bible says the two shall become one. So we have children that are going. You know this way, that two shall become one. So if we have children that are going, you know this way and that way that was on us.
Speaker 2:To representation of the unit, the marriage unit.
Speaker 3:Right, and you know, one of the things that we talk about to the one family, our audience is well, what can I do, right, if we've got wayward children? At this point in time, instead of blaming our spouse for what we think they didn't do right or whatnot, hey, what can I do? In this case, I would say to this gentleman hey, how do you get back involved in your daughter's lives? Because maybe some of these choices that she's making, she actually needs you as her father, not to come in and be heavy handed, but she needs to know who you are in her life right now, as she's growing up, how you feel, in a loving way, not an authoritarian way, about the men that she's dating right, where you're just kind of like honey, this is not, this is not the best for you.
Speaker 3:And so there's a real opportunity for tremendous growth in that family dynamic between the husband and the wife and between the parents and the children, to really kind of write what the next chapters are going to be from a place of like, hey, how do we do this next chapter?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, maybe we don't like.
Speaker 1:Maybe we don't like the early ones, okay, yeah, yeah, and when we know better, we do better, right, yeah, so I also have a really good friend who shared with me her kids are getting older and she doesn't like the relationship she has with her spouse and she doesn't like that. That's the example that they're setting for their kids, right, and so they have a lot of incentive to change things, but they're kind of stuck Like we don't, like, you know, we're not happy and we don't want our kids to not get married or, you know, shy away from those types of relationships because we didn't do a very good job exemplifying it for them, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have a cool story around that. We have a couple in the one family and I got to co-officiate both of the girls' wedding, which was such a blessing, and we got to see them grow up a little bit and they know, they can tell us and they've told us they knew when their parents found the One, found the one extraordinary marriage show, and when they started diving into the six pillars of intimacy and when their marriage started to change. And so it's really interesting. And they were older, they were, they were like teenagers at the time when this happened. But it's never too late. Your children will see if you're willing to make different choices, if you're willing to be intentional and take action with one another. And here are these two young women now. We get to see them grow up and start their own families. But me being able to co-officiate it was just such an honor because I knew what their mom and dad had gone through and what they were willing to do to make a change in their own marriage which rippled throughout the family.
Speaker 1:I love that. That is so cool and like, really I think why we do what we do? Because it's not too late and you do have such a big responsibility to model a healthy relationship for your kids. And if you don't know how to do that, because you didn't grow up in that or you know, nobody ever taught you like there are resources available, it's not too late, like you can figure it out, it's and it's so important and crucial that you do yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, and I would actually say, you know, if somebody is having that thought now like I need help. I mean, there are more resources available now. I think about all of the you know, the quality materials that you put out, that we put out Like there are more resources now than ever before, when we were young marrieds. If we had had that thought, no, like a book, there were like 10 books A couple of books.
Speaker 3:Right, you know, and that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but but that's what it felt like, yeah, and now I mean I love that you. You know your podcast has got such a history because your audience has got the ability to go back and listen and go. Okay, where am I? Like I need, I need a little tweak here. Right, it's the same thing our audience has. Right, like, let's dig into this topic and let's find a topic that is addressing where we're at right now and let's do something. We don't have to stay stuck. People don't have to stay stuck now. I feel like that's more a choice than lack of information.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's so much easier to find help now. I mean you can go online and look for coaching and you can get you know reviews from people you can get honest accounts of, you can get you know testimonials from people. Like it's it's easier to check out, you know, and and and find someone who you relate to their story. I mean, everybody's story is out there online now, right, and so you don't want to take advice from somebody who you wouldn't, you know, look up to Right, absolutely the way these people talk about their marriage and their family and so, yeah, and ask around, ask friends, you know, there's no reason to suffer in silence, there's no reason to just try and figure it out on your own, cause there's so many people out there online putting their stories, you know.
Speaker 1:You know I it's so funny Cause my husband is like I don't know that I signed up for this, right, like he. Like he is a very private person, but over the years he's seen how people have benefited from me telling our story and putting our horrible decisions or our silly arguments or whatever out there online and he's like, okay, I see the benefit of this for people and so he's like you can use my likeness for a price, right.
Speaker 2:Trying to get that NIL deal. Yeah, exactly, it's like hey, I want to make something out of this as well.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:You know, the biggest thing and hey, what I have seen and I'm 51 is life can happen and we can get knocked down. And we can get knocked down, and it can sometimes feel like it's a lot to get back up, and I think we got to determine what's the cost of us not getting back up and when we do get back up, realize that sometimes it doesn't go exactly the way we expect it to go, and so the healing may take longer than what we thought, or the person that we first reach out to isn't a really good match. So it means I got to find somebody else, and that is tough, and it's part of it's part of life, though, and it's are you willing to get out of the pain that you're in, to do something about it? And I think that's what it comes down to. And you know and I'm just thinking about Elisa and I there's there were times when the pain was, was there, that it was like no, we got to make changes. And then there are times when the pain's there and it's just sort of like do I need to really make a change now? And so those are different for everybody, no matter where they're at.
Speaker 2:Again, if you're not willing to be intentional and take action. Then where are you going? What are you doing? And again, we've been there. We've sat around and been like rocks, not willing to move, you know, until a storm comes around and it's sort of like, oh, you're going to move right now because there's nothing, there's nothing else and you could be a heavy rock. And I've been and I've through, hiked the Pacific Crest Trail and I've seen massive boulders fall down mountains that you don't think should fall down mountains.
Speaker 3:And we live in Florida, so you know hurricanes are a real thing.
Speaker 2:You see all kinds of stuff and they move rocks and they move trees like you would never know and think about. But I think that's the big thing it's we could talk till kingdom come. Are you willing to hear what all of us are saying and then do something like not just listen some more because I can do that too and I have but are, are you really willing to make a step out to see a change happen, not just talk about it but actually go after it? And that is where things change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to talk for a second about some resources that you guys have created and are offering. So I know you have this membership for couples called Intimacy Mastery, which sounds awesome.
Speaker 2:Our bestselling book and our framework is called the Six Pillars of Intimacy. We've talked about a number of these pillars here today and in Intimacy Mastery we help you to go okay, how am I going to be intentional and how I'm going to take action? And so as soon as you join, we have an assessment. Let's assess where are you at, and then we give you an Intimacy Mastery roadmap so you can start to take action over the next 30, 60, and 90 days. And so through Intimacy Mastery, we have amazing couples who are in different places and stages of life and in their marriage, but the big thing is that they're all willing and are wanting to have their extraordinary marriage. So you can check that out at IntimacyMasterycom.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, I just want to like throw this in here, because I don't trust just anyone to speak and teach my audience Like I. You know I'm very protective and so this, the content that Tony and Elisa provide through One Extraordinary Marriage, is great, great resources for your marriage. So I trust them explicitly with all of you. So if you are in that place where you're like them, explicitly with all of you. So if you are in that place where you're like man, I know that there's something dampening the connection in our marriage. We need to start somewhere. I would recommend that you start by going to this class. Figure out which one of these seven intimacy or connection killers are working on you and figure out what to do to get yourself out of it. So thank you guys, so much for your time. I always love chatting with you. I'm sure we could be here all day.
Speaker 1:Yes always, always. But yeah, I think we talked about some, some really good things and I think, especially if people are listening and they're like been married for a while and there's some tough conversations, or they feel like they're not super connected, or maybe they feel like roommates and they're just not being intentional about making the time to create the connection and the intimacy that they really want, I think we came up with some good first steps which, if you don't have monopoly deal we are not getting paid in any way, shape or form but that is a good game. Cover your assets is a really good one, but get like a little game where you can start a little bit of competition. Do a time audit. Okay, wait, maybe I should go in order. I'm going to do the run down here. This is what we talked about Do a time audit, figure out where you can find 15 to 20 minutes to spend together and then do something fun whether that's playing a little card game together or finding a little comedy thing or a show that you guys can watch together but figure out how to spend that time together and really make it a priority to connect.
Speaker 1:Look into intimacy mastery and if you're ready for coaching, you can contact either Elisa or myself. We do do couples coaching and we wish you the best of luck, because marriages should be fun. You should be enjoying yourself, and if you're not, there's plenty of things you can do about that. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Any last words you guys? Oh no, that was awesome. Thank you so much. And to all of you hey, we're here. All of us are here to see. You have an extraordinary marriage, so go after it and reach out. We're here, we're available.
Speaker 1:Awesome.